A Really British Podcast
Learn about the life and language of the UK with your hosts Annie & Tom.
A Really British Podcast
British Weddings Explained
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Season two of our podcast begins with a look at British weddings.
Annie and I talk about the traditions and customs of a really British wedding from the proposal through to saying 'I do'. There is so much to discuss so we'll have a part two coming out very soon.
We'd love to know how a wedding in your country differs from one in the UK.
Please share your observations in the comments.
Hello, I'm Tom.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Annya.
SPEAKER_00And this is a Really British Podcast. And today we're talking about Really British weddings.
SPEAKER_01Welcome to a Really British Podcast with Annie and Tom.
SPEAKER_00Hello. Hello! Hello everyone. Welcome back to season two of a really British podcast. Annie, we're back again.
SPEAKER_01I know. Have you been?
SPEAKER_00I've been alright, it's been a while.
SPEAKER_01It has been a while.
SPEAKER_00It's been um a few months. We've been quite busy.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Um, what have you been up to in this time?
SPEAKER_01Well, not as many exciting things as you've been up to.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, a few things, yeah. So in this time, I got married in India to my wife Shahna. You were there?
SPEAKER_01It was the most incredible week of my life.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was very special. It was very special, yeah, it really was. Um, I think we'll go into it in a future podcast. Yeah. There's a lot of details and stories and special moments, but it was a really incredible moment to have all our friends and family in India together. Wow.
SPEAKER_01I know, and that was that was special for all of us. But then seeing you two and your love and connection, it was incredible. And thank you. Getting to know all your lovely friends who I didn't know already, and Shauna's friends, and spending so much time together. Because as we'll discuss, unlike a British wedding, you know, an Indian wedding goes on over a few days, and you really get to chat to people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that's kind of what has inspired us to talk about a really British wedding today was our experience of an Indian wedding and the differences. I mean, just so many differences. I mean, it it's it's hard to even start talking about you know what an Indian wedding experience is like. I think it's a bucket list item for so many people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I got to be in it, so that was it was kind of special in that respect. But I think for so many of our guests, coming to an Indian wedding was like something they wanted to do for ages. They're quite famously incredible, aren't they?
SPEAKER_01They're very life-affirming. It's colour and light and love and connection and joy, just complete joy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um definitely.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I mean, we could we literally could spend the next hour talking in the most effusive terms about what an amazing celebration is.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but we're here to talk about British weddings. Um, but just beforehand, obviously, I've been away for a few months, come back to the UK, it's like a heat wave, your fifth heat wave here.
SPEAKER_01I I love it, like it's mine.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's yours.
SPEAKER_01Um, yes, we have had the hottest, driest summer on record officially. Yeah, and uh yeah, the heat plumes have just come one after another. And to say that we're not prepared in this country is an understatement. We have no air con, our houses are built to hold heat, not release it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, it's been it's been lovely at times, but I think we're all a little bit concerned and feel like we need some rain.
SPEAKER_00Definitely. Well, as we were flying in, you just see the fields, which usually are you know beautifully green, yeah, and as we're coming in, it's just yellow field after yellow field. All the parks in London are dry as a bone. Yeah, it's quite worrying in that respect. There was a kind of in uh Greenwich the other week, uh last week, uh there was like a little mini tornado thing. Because of the dryer, yeah, dry weather.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's it. We're known as being the green and pleasant land, aren't we? And we're we're yellow and dry right now. That's what we're famous for.
SPEAKER_00How have you been though, since you've been?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, good, good. I had to get my eldest through a big set of exams. Um, so there was a big focus on that.
SPEAKER_00Uh GCSEs? Yes. Yeah, which are exams that uh British children take at 16. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then you can go in many different ways beyond that, but everyone does GCSEs. Yeah. So we find out next week how he's done. But fingers crossed. Yeah. You put in a Titanic effort to help with studying and it was it's a big, it's a lot of subjects, it's a it's a big endeavor, you have to be really organized. So, but I actually really enjoyed revisiting, you know, especially some of my I love I love English, so revisiting some of those texts and things.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01That was great fun. And um, and yeah, and then we've had uh we actually went to Cornwall for a couple of weeks, yes, which was actual heaven on earth.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, if you guys probably know this already, but if you don't, Cornwall is a bit of a happy place for this family, yeah. Uh St Ives in particular, yeah. And that's where you were.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we just missed you and Shawna.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, next year. Maybe next year. Next year.
SPEAKER_01Um, so we had a couple of weeks down there, and that was just really nice to just kind of decompress because you don't realise how you know uptight you've got. So no, it's been really special, it's been great.
SPEAKER_00Nice, yeah. Okay, well, after the break, we're gonna start talking about really British weddings. Okay, so Annie, there was this moment during the wedding in India, my wedding in India, where I was seconds away from becoming a viral uh meme around the world. No, yeah, so there's this moment in an Indian wedding where um you exchange the vomalas, right? They're these um kind of huge garlands, okay, and your daughter Isla uh brought my one and Shauna's cousin brought hers. Yeah, yeah. But as uh Isla is giving me the vermala, she goes to put it over my head because she thought that that's you know you have to wear it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like a garland.
SPEAKER_00This would have been memed, and because that would mean that that's the action the bride does to the groom and the groom does to the bride, not you know the niece, the niece or someone else.
SPEAKER_01So would it have meant effectively you were married to Isla?
SPEAKER_00I would have been marrying, yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I didn't know this.
SPEAKER_00So I think I have seen a video where this happened. Um a Western person didn't understand uh the etiquette. Yeah, yeah, and it went viral. And I Sean and I kind of joked about it beforehand, and then I I just assumed someone would have like given I brief dialogue, yeah, but obviously no one did. Um and so she went to like lift it over my head, and I was like, Oh, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_01But lucky you knew. Lucky that I knew, yeah, otherwise you might have just bent your head and let her put it over your neck.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this got me thinking about misunderstanding like etiquette and learning the traditions of a different culture. Um when you got married, did you have any like moments where things didn't go right in your wedding?
SPEAKER_01Um do you know what? I suppose no, not in terms of etiquette, but we did have a near viral disaster moment on the dance floor.
SPEAKER_00Yes. Although I suppose it wouldn't be mean because this happened 18 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Yes. So there's there's no footage of it, I don't think.
SPEAKER_00There's a photo. I have a photo. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So there is a little bit of footage of that, but basically, my husband's Scottish, and so he is very energetic on the dance floor. They're used to reels and Kayleys, and you swing people around. And we were dancing at the end of the wedding in the middle of the dance floor, all our guests had made a kind of circle around us, which is so sweet, really lovely. And suddenly you're like the star of the show, and you're supposed to be, you know, putting out some good dance moves. Anyway, I think my husband's got a bit overexcited and he swung me. But I was in high heels, and I he swung me, and and I I fell and started falling very dramatically to the ground. I was literally on the tip of my high heel.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And by some absolute miracle of science, I have no idea how, instead of ending up in a pile on the floor, yeah, I managed to pull myself back up. But literally the point of my stiletto.
SPEAKER_00Oh. It was, yeah. I mean, hearts were in our mouths.
SPEAKER_01We were just like, like. I think I think if I do remember the photo, I think you're right. I think you can actually see people's faces a bit like yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'll try and find the photo and and and put it on the YouTube video.
SPEAKER_01But I I did relive that because I just thought the bride to one day to look beautiful and elegant and just refined, and you've spent so much money on your dress to end up in a pile on the floor would just be the worst.
SPEAKER_00It was really dramatic, yeah, yeah. Yeah, guys, just really quickly, uh, we have done a wedding vocabulary special on my YouTube channel, Eat Sleep Dream English. So, if you want to learn about the language of weddings, go check out that video right now. So, what's your um first memory of a wedding?
SPEAKER_01Um, I got to be a bridesmaid when I was five. Yes. Did you come to that wedding? You would have been too little.
SPEAKER_00Maybe I came, but I yeah, I wasn't aware. That was for your your teacher.
SPEAKER_01For my teacher, I was her bridesmaid, and that was and that was a really traditional British wedding. Okay. Church, flower girls, we were flower girls slash bridesmaids. Um, beautiful garlands and dresses, and I it was just pure magic. And I it is the dream of a lot of little girls to be a bridesmaid, yeah. Um, and it it hit all the all the main events, it really was just perfect.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I've seen the photos, and you do look just absolutely adorable.
SPEAKER_01And people make such a fuss of you. I mean, I do think in my kind of five-year-old head, I did sort of think the wedding was about me, probably more than on my actual wedding day. But because everyone just yeah, they really make a fuss of you, and they sort of give you these responsibilities like scattering the petals down the aisle in front of the bride, and you get a little basket and rose petals, and I took it so seriously.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, today we're gonna take you guys into a British wedding. We're gonna hopefully um show you all the little traditions and the things that really make a wedding, uh, both kind of traditional uh activities, but also like modern things that have kind of evolved exactly and become um very popular. The language around the people involved in the wedding is really interesting because when you propose, you then can refer to each other as uh fiancees. So the man is a fiance, the woman is a fiance, but with a double E.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00And the pronunciation I think is the same, yeah. Words borrowed from French. Then on the day, a woman is a bride and a man is a groom.
SPEAKER_01Yep.
SPEAKER_00And then as soon as you say I do, whatever time that is during the day, yeah, then it switches, and a woman is a wife, and a man is a husband, and or a civil partner as well, which we'll get into in a moment. I just think the language is really interesting the way it switches.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I hadn't really thought about that actually.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, did you use the word fiance? Oh, this is my fiance.
SPEAKER_01My fiance. See, I that seemed a bit formal, actually. Yeah, I don't know if I would. Maybe someone would have said to you, what's your fiance do?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I did enjoy it for a little while. I was like, oh, it's kind of fun to say, oh my fiancee, and then I felt it's a bit, is it a bit douchey? I don't know.
SPEAKER_01I think I said for ages, even after you're engaged, oh Tom's girlfriend, I mean his wife to be, I mean his fiance, because it it didn't come naturally.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, Shauna still calls me her boyfriend sometimes, and I'm like, excuse me.
SPEAKER_01We went through a whole thing, yeah. We know twice. But I find that I think that's really interesting, and just the way that the language uh switches as as you move through it as you move through it, and I suppose, yeah, the um that there's always a funny bit, isn't there, at the wedding, often during the speeches, where the man or or the woman will say to my wife, yeah, and it's the first time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, I think in my speech uh in the Indian wedding, I think I said, uh, let me reintroduce myself to you all. Uh, I'm Tom, and I'm the husband of Charles McGee.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_00That was a that was a cool.
SPEAKER_01And everyone always goes, Yeah, it's a big moment. Yeah, because it's the first time you're using that term, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's dive into we're gonna dive into the actual um traditions in a moment, but let's just talk about uh the structure of uh marriages and weddings in in the UK. So uh marriages versus civil partnerships. So I had to do some research for this because I didn't know. Okay. So um a marriage and a civil partnership are very similar in terms of like the legal stuff, like um your legal rights, your financial benefits, tax allowances, yeah, your protections, all very similar. But a civil partnership is secular, so not religious, okay, and it only requires like a document to be signed. Whereas a marriage um it can be religious or it can be secular as well, and there are vows involved and things like that. Um the legal age of uh getting married in the UK is 16. Uh, but if you're under 18 you need parental permission.
SPEAKER_01Five, sixteen, so young, that's yeah, so young, definitely, and and I think in the in the past you could go to Gretna Green and get married younger, then yeah, it's on the border with Scotland, isn't it? Or maybe just cross over, maybe not quite. Just in Scotland, actually. Just in Scotland, and they had slightly um looser rules there, right? So people could could drive up and go and get married there.
SPEAKER_00What's if you were under 16?
SPEAKER_01I think it's oh no, no, probably not under 16, but maybe under 18, but without your parents' permission.
SPEAKER_00Ah, that okay.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. You should probably check that, but yeah, that was always like, well, I'll just drive to Gretna.
SPEAKER_00To Gretna Green, yeah, it's one of those places, you know, but I I wasn't sure why I knew it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So then think about ceremonies. So to get married, you can choose either to have a religious ceremony or a civil ceremony, but a civil partnership, you can't have a religious ceremony. So a civil ceremony is a non-religious legal binding uh marriage or partnership that's officiated by you know a government official or a registrar or something. A wedding is a more broad term for a marriage ceremony, and that could be religious or secular. A religious wedding can only take place in a registered religious building, and you must exchange vows if you're getting married. Now, same-sex marriages and civil partnerships are legal in the UK. A same-sex couple can get married in a religious building if it has been registered for the marriage of a same-sex couple. Um, it became legal at different times in the UK. So in England, Wales, it became legal in 2013, uh, but the first wedding was March 2014. In Scotland, it took a little later, so it was um passed the Scottish Parliament in February 2014 with the first ceremony in December 2014, and then Northern Ireland a little bit later, um, and I think that was uh 2020, was the first same-sex marriage. Now the process of getting married is quite an extended one. You have to, once you've decided where you're gonna get married, you have to give notice to a local registry officer. So we did it in um Newham Town Hall. We had to go to Newham Town Hall and say like where you're gonna get married, and then you go through this little interview process, which you didn't have to do, right?
SPEAKER_01No, I don't remember this.
SPEAKER_00It's kind of so the interview process is individual. So like I'll go in and I'll be uh interviewed by someone, yeah, and then Sharon will sit outside and then we swap.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00And so they ask you things like what's your partner's job, what's when's their birth date? And they're really basic questions, but because you're in such a formal setting, you get really nervous.
SPEAKER_01I got really nervous.
SPEAKER_00My heart started going, I was like, um, and then you're like, oh god, what what what is her birthday? Is it the 24th or 26th? I can't even really panicking, and they're like, it's okay, don't worry, like these are just easy questions. And why do you think they're doing it to check that someone isn't being forced to do it under duress? Ah okay. Usually it's that, right? It's an opportunity for you to say, hey, actually, I don't want to get married. So you come out of it and you're looking at your partner, like, are we still getting married? Um, but thankfully that went okay. And then what they do is they put a notice on the town hall board um for 28 days to say, like, these two people intend to get married on this date. So that if there are any like disputes, I guess it's kind of a way of giving notice.
SPEAKER_01Well, I guess like people, you know, were still in marriages, hadn't got divorced, and then they're trying to remarry, and so it would have been an opportunity for someone to flag that. Actually, that that's my husband.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. There also is a tradition called bans, which you know a bit more about than I do.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's the church one, is it?
SPEAKER_00The church one, so the Church of England requirement. So, yeah, so a ban is um a public announcement made in the church of a couple's intent to marry.
SPEAKER_01Um so similar idea but in a church setting, and it's done over three Sundays before the wedding, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00Yes, and I think it has to be done in the local parish where they're gonna get married, yeah, but then also in the places where they live. Ah, okay. Is what what my research told me. Right. Um so yeah, they read out three Sundays within three months before the wedding day. Okay. And the purpose it says here to uh to check for any lawful block to the marriage.
SPEAKER_01Well, and then there's obviously that done again during the wedding ceremony, isn't there? Yes. Where they say Yes Does anyone here know of any reason why these two cannot be joined in holy matrimony? And that's usually the uh the centrepiece of any film of a wedding. Yes. Because someone stands up and says something dramatic.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, they run through the door. That happens in Waynes.
SPEAKER_01I love him.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that happens in Wayneswell too, I think it's a classic, classic moment. Um, but I mean, in terms of cult of pop reference cultures, uh, sorry, pop cultural references, the four weddings in a funeral is my go-to for weddings, for br for a British wedding, British wedding, because there are four of them in there. Yeah, it's probably one, but it's also just like so it really captures a I mean it's a very middle class version of uh of a wedding, right? Yeah, Hugh Grant, pretty much his his big kind of breakout role, breakout role, yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01Well, because he get he goes to so many that by the end he's literally like, Who is it today? Who are we here for? And there was a point when all our uni friends were getting married where it felt slightly the same. I think we had four weddings on four consecutive Saturdays, right? And it was a bit like who are we here to see? And then you know, all the kind of hendoos and stagdos, and it's a whole it's a whole time of your life.
SPEAKER_00Well, hold on, what is a hen do? What is a stagdo? We will get to that in a minute.
SPEAKER_01Sorry, jumping ahead.
SPEAKER_00You're absolutely right, though, is that there's like a season in your life where like weddings are like back-to-back, yeah, summers get taken up by weddings and yeah, hen and stagdoo parties.
SPEAKER_01Well, you're sort of slightly in it now, aren't you?
SPEAKER_00I'm back in it because of Shauna. Yeah, yeah. I had mine and now I'm back in it with Shauna. Um, okay, yeah, so let's talk about before the wedding. So prop the proposal is of course, I guess, the beginning of the process.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00The etiquette. Now, would you like to take it tell us about your proposal? Well, would that look like?
SPEAKER_01Well, and it it when you said your proposal, it made me think that I did it, but there is a tradition that it's the guy that proposes to the to the female, the girl. But that is being inverted a bit more now.
SPEAKER_00And there is one day that um a woman famously one day every four years. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Because it's the 29th of February, which only comes around once every four years. Is that right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_01Um, and so on that day, apparently all bets are off, and uh the female can propose. But then my husband proposed to me, and interestingly, he proposed in the morning. I would never have said that he would do that.
SPEAKER_00Well, because neither of you are morning people or yeah, that for sure.
SPEAKER_01Okay, and also because we love a sunset, and it's you know, I would have thought that he would have chosen that. So to say I was completely caught off guard is an understatement, but in that there's some magic. It was also his birthday, so that's a bit of a red herring as well. Right. Um, and he just said, Come on, let's go for a walk before breakfast and look at the surfers. And then I was watching the surfers and suddenly I realized he was down on one knee. Oh it was very cute.
SPEAKER_00So that's that's definitely like an imp I think I think it's an important component of proposal is to get down on one knee. Obviously, not everyone does it, but I think I like that gesture.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00I think it's a bit romantic. It's a romantic gesture, yeah. You're kind of putting yourself in a vulnerable position to then ask this vulnerable question.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So it's it's a you know sign, yeah, a nice sign of vulnerability, I think, yeah in this moment.
SPEAKER_01It is, and I suppose you know romance isn't dead. I do quite like a bit of chivalry, opening the door, and it feels like it's something along those lines, doesn't it? Just this kind of like you said, you're you're you're vulnerable in that moment of love for your your lady. It's gorgeous.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I I really liked that uh your husband uh asked me. Oh he didn't need to ask me for permission, but he he came to my work where I was working and said, Oh, can you pop out for a quick chat? I said, Well, how are you doing, mate? And he was like, Uh, if it's alright with you, I'm gonna ask uh your sister if I can marry her uh on this holiday. And I I was just like, that's just the most beautiful thing. And I thought he didn't need to do it, doesn't need my permission, but what a lovely thing to do. And he also did that with dad as well. Um, did he do it with mum as well?
SPEAKER_01I think or I don't know actually, it's a good question. I definitely remember you and dad. Yeah, because obviously it's traditional to ask the bride's father, yeah. Um, and I guess that get went back to sort of you know patr more patriarchal times where sort of the bride was the property of her father and then becoming the property of her husband, and there's the idea of giving the woman away so the father walks the daughter down the aisle in a traditional English ceremony to be met at the top of the altar by um the husband, and then she becomes his property. Yeah. So that's where it started. Whereas now it's obviously you know, we all have our own autonomy to say yes or no. But there is still that lovely tradition of like, you know, I want to join your family and I want to um you know I want to marry your d your daughter. And I think I would be very touched if my daughter's uh husband to be asked our permission.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think I really like that new framing of it. It's like opening yourself up to uh their family and just saying, hey, like I want to be a part of your family. I love you know your daughter, and just saying, is it okay? Like you know, I I I did a whole speech uh to my uh mother-in-law and father-in-law, and it I if it was really important to me to ask for their permission, and I I kind of knew that they would say yes, but it was just a kind of a symbolic act as much as anything, just saying, hey, like I you know, I recognise what a moment this is for you, and yeah, you know, take on the responsibilities of looking after caring for her, caring for her.
SPEAKER_01Um well you learnt Hindi as well, didn't you? Which I think was a very beautiful touch for them.
SPEAKER_00I learned a bit of Hindi, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Not still in progress, but but that was again, it was a it was a lovely attempt to, you know.
SPEAKER_00Sure. Yeah, you just want to show that you're you're taking this seriously.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know, and that's all you want.
SPEAKER_00Definitely. So proposal etiquette, really fantastic. Then, okay, hopefully they say yes, and then you get to the good bit, the fun part, hen-dos and stagdo's.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So some of our audience will probably not know what those are. Uh if you speak American English, then it'll be bachelor party and your bachelorette party. So uh stagdoo or stag party for the for a guy, a hen do a hen party for a the do is like a slang word for party. We said I'm having a do is like a party.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um and some people might even before that do an engagement party.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, we did, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we really milked it. We did all the parties you can have, we we had them.
SPEAKER_01You had them.
SPEAKER_00And in fact, we have an anniversary party coming up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I suppose if you're not having a wedding for quite a while, it's nice to do an engagement party to sort of celebrate and then you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's a special moment.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um Hendus and Stagdos. I mean, there's so much to say. We could do a whole episode on Hendus and Stagdoos. Um, what reputation what we tell what, yeah, explain what is.
SPEAKER_01But if you knew that you were in a place where a hendo or a stagdoo were coming in, you probably would want to get out. Because it's a bunch of very overexcited guys, girls. And sometimes now Sharma had guys on her Hendoo, didn't she?
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. And we're going to a mixed one uh next year. So our friends are kind of having a joint one and all their friends are going. So it's basically just a great celebration. And why not? Like, I really like these like subverting of traditions throughout the wedding process.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You make it more like in in to reflect who you are and exactly, you make it work for you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But I don't think I've ever been to a Hindu. I've been to a lot of Hendus, but I've never been to one that had any males. So that's you know, these things evolve, don't they, and change.
SPEAKER_00So your Hindu?
SPEAKER_01My Hindu, my Hindu was a day in London and it was great fun, and they did loads of kind of the the joke was that I'm I was quite I'd arranged a Hindu, I think a year before, and I'd brought it in like on a really low budget, and so because you know it's an expensive time with a wedding and the different outfits and stuff, and uh, and so the uh the the joke was that they brought it in a pound less than the one that I'd done the year before. Oh nice, um, but we did loads of cool stuff around London, had a great time, and it's just really nice to spend time with your girlfriends and get excited. There's some lovely things like uh Mr. and Mrs. where um you your husband gets interviewed by one of your uh one of the girls on the on the Hendo, and then you you get on the Hendo itself, it's like a kind of drinking game where they will read out the question that they've asked the husband, and then you've got to guess what he said, and if you get it right, then you don't drink, and if you don't, then you drink. Yeah, and so that was all quite fun.
SPEAKER_00How well did you do?
SPEAKER_01I think I did okay, but there were a few trick questions in there. Um, but that was great fun, and they hit just loads of little thoughtful details. I mean, that's the thing, you can spend a fortune, you can go away for a week, a weekend. That's become bigger than it's a lot of fun.
SPEAKER_00Definitely, yeah, the sort of destination Hindu stagdo. There are there are certain cities that are just there's a yeah, a lot of people going so like Prague is a big, I know it's a big Stagdo place. Yeah, um, Hendus, I don't know where they would go, where would they Brighton?
SPEAKER_01No, that's not abroad, but yes, I think maybe Spain, you know, I can imagine like Mallorca and yeah, in the UK for sure, Brighton's a big one.
SPEAKER_00We went to York once, and it on a Saturday night there was like six or seven different Hendus going on. Yeah, it was it was absolute chaos. Yeah, um, I think yeah.
SPEAKER_01What's the furthest you've been?
SPEAKER_00Um we went to San Sebastian um in Spain. I organised that one, so it's kind of my fault. Um but so for a stag do, um, there is a tradition of humiliating the stag, the the man, um through making them wear ridiculous clothes, yeah, fancy dress.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're right, it's humiliation.
SPEAKER_00There's a series of humiliating tasks that they have to do. Yeah, that would be a traditional. I mean, you know, I say traditional, like just the thing that people do. I really, me and my friends, we don't understand that. I don't get why you want to humiliate them. I just wanted to give my uh friend the best time. So we went to San Sebastian and we just did really fun activities there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and they and they did the same for you.
SPEAKER_00And they did the same for me, yeah. We had a lovely time in London.
SPEAKER_01That's it, what goes around comes around.
SPEAKER_00So that's it. So you have to be strategic.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So early on, yeah, you set the bar. That's exactly it. So for so for my two best men, for one of them, I yeah, I organised his stag do uh almost 10 years ago. So I made sure I was like, be be tactful, tactical. It's an excellent one, I didn't humiliate him. And then for the other best man, I was the officiant of his wedding, did a great job, didn't humiliate him, yeah, made sure the stag do was was fine. So when it came to them organising my one, they were they were they weren't easy on me.
SPEAKER_01And you stayed in the UK because you knew your wedding was abroad. So to get people to go for fly for a Hendu stagdo and then fly for a wedding is quite a lot to ask, isn't it?
SPEAKER_00It's a huge, it's a huge ask, yeah. It's so expensive. Like, so yeah, and that's the thing as well. It's kind of hard, you can't, it's hard to say no to these things. Yeah, but sometimes just financially, like, I can't afford to go to Las Vegas for a weekend.
SPEAKER_01It depends how many you have in a year as well, how bunched together they are. But I think that there is definitely a bit of a narrative coming out now of some people going, I I'm just you know, I don't get to have a holiday for myself because all my money is being spent on Hindus, Stagdus, you know, and the wedding itself. So yeah, I think it is a bit of a problem for people. Yeah, it's funny what you're saying about the humiliation because I feel like the vibe of a Hindu, maybe there might be a little bit of that, but more like I don't know, they'd make you wear like a necklace with a willy or something.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, willy straws.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, willy straws, exactly, something like that. But I think it's more of an opportunity for the girlfriends to say, We love you, honey. You know, like it's it's like love and support, and off you go into the world, and we're here for you. I know. Maybe that's why the boys are starting to jump into the Hendus, yeah, yeah, yeah, because they sound so nice, so nice, so gentle.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, just so reaffirming.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, we love you. Champagne, spa day, or start to love.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Yeah, um, okay, so Hendy Stagdos. Now we have to invite the guests to the wedding, and you start off with save the dates, yes, which are cards or I guess emails that get people to keep a day free in the future. It's not an invitation yet, no, but it's a hey, we're having a wedding on this day.
SPEAKER_01Keep it free.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, don't make any plans.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and how far in advance would you send that, do you reckon?
SPEAKER_00Uh, we went for about a year, yeah, I think.
SPEAKER_01Well, yours was also abroad, so people had to factor that in, didn't they?
SPEAKER_00Yes, also.
SPEAKER_01Um I think about a year's standard. I think that especially for the summer, because often a lot of English wedding British weddings happen in the summer and then you don't want to clash, do you?
SPEAKER_00No, other things. And then there are the formal invitations, and then of course that the RSVP kind of reserve, si vous play.
SPEAKER_01Reservez, is it?
SPEAKER_00No, response.
SPEAKER_01Respondez si vous play RSVP. Well, and so the the ones that I remember getting uh back in the day were these beautiful card invites, and they'd have a little envelope inside with the RSVP that you just tick. I'm coming, or I cannot I can't attend or I cannot attend. And then the stamped address envelope with a stamp.
SPEAKER_00Oh wow.
SPEAKER_01Uh so you just literally put the card back in and you send it straight off. So you make it really easy for people to say yes or no.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Whereas now I guess most of it would be done with an email address.
SPEAKER_00Or what's that message?
SPEAKER_01Or what's that message?
SPEAKER_00Thumbs up emoji. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I mean, there must be a whole business, like stationary businesses, because you used to go and choose your wedding stationery, which go to a beautiful shop and you'd your design that you wanted, and and the invite would often say something along the lines of, you know, Mr. and Mrs. Walker would like to invite you know you to their daughter's wedding too, and then name the son-in-law. Yes. Um, I you know, again, traditionally, not so much now, but it would be the bride's family who would pay for the wedding, and so they would, you know, from the beginning it'll be their invite.
SPEAKER_00Right, right, right. Uh huh. Yeah, who pays for the wedding these days is much more kind of ambiguous, right? It's kind of depending on the families and people's financial situations.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And they're expensive. I mean, they're definitely not, you know, they're they're a big investment of money.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, even just we'll get into it like the a simple town hall wedding which we we had here in in London and we paid for, is expensive.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no kind of cheap way to do it, is there? I mean, I suppose you could do a registry office and then to the pub and everyone buys their own drinks and raises a toast to you.
SPEAKER_00Sure.
SPEAKER_01But I think you feel like I we certainly felt like we had been to so many great weddings that then you feel like you want to put on a show for people, like you want to kind of thank your friends for giving you such a good time at their weddings that you feel this slight responsibility to do the same.
SPEAKER_00Definitely. In terms of gifts, traditional to have a wedding gift list list, and that would often be printed on the invitation, right?
SPEAKER_01And it might be something along the lines of please feel no obligation to give us a present, but if you did, then we have a gift list at John Lewis or another department store in the UK, yeah, yeah. And then that's quite fun. In fact, there's a scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral, quite famously, where he goes to buy a present for the wedding, but their gift list is at a really high-end shop and he can't find anything for like £50. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, I think the the sales sister makes a joke because he says, What about this? And she said, Yeah, that that'll that's 50 quid if you can find another nine people to pop in the same amount.
SPEAKER_00Wow, okay. Yeah, yeah, it's quite an expensive business.
SPEAKER_01But the idea is to set the bride and groom up for their wedding and for their life together. It's you know, it's so it's often things like plates and glasses and cutlery and a coffee machine and things like that. And it's funny, I remember on our we had a wedding list, but I remember people didn't want to buy boring things, like we really needed cutlery, but no one wants to buy cutlery.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. You want to buy them the interesting thing, the new TV or whatever it might be. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think in lots of other cultures it's just money, right? Here's just an envelope of money, but for whatever reason, typically it's this this wedding list.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, and and would you ever go off list? Would you ever have the guts to do that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think if you know the couple well and if there's something specific in mind, you're like, I know that they would love this thing. Yeah, yeah, definitely. But the the list makes it easier for you, I guess. Uh, in that respect. Guys, we're gonna take a pause right there and we're gonna come back with a part two because there's so much to say about uh really British weddings. So uh check back with us.
SPEAKER_01Enjoy part two.
SPEAKER_00Enjoy part two.