Superfrau Energy: Amo & Monèt Get Real About Top Notch Human Experiences

What’s a top-notch human experience for you? Like the kind where you’re so present you can feel the follicles of your hair and the tips of your toes?

In this episode of You’re So Real For That, we kick off the year with a nourishing, hilarious, unexpectedly tender conversation about the moments that make life feel worth living. We talk gratitude, presence, childlike wonder, and the small specific ways love shows up, especially when the world is loud and your nervous system is tired.

We get into:

• Feeling like a Superfrau after a hard season (and how self-care is not a vibe, it’s a survival plan)
• What makes a moment “top notch” (being a child again, wonder, awe, and being in the good times and knowing it)
• The science of gratitude: dopamine, serotonin, stress regulation, and why gratitude can shift how your brain processes life
• How hardship can flip the switch that teaches you how to recognize joy
• Love in the details: being remembered, being witnessed, being tended to
• Black joy as holy work: elders, auntie love, community pride, and the little rituals that keep us human
• And yes, we also discuss the extremely humbling experience of being taken out by spice. If you’ve ever been attacked by paprika or had a near-death experience with Takis… welcome home.

This one is for the Black women who are tired, brilliant, trying, and still choosing softness. For the nerds who love research and romance. For the people who want to feel more present inside their lives, not just productive.

Now tell us: what are your top-notch human experiences? We want your list.

Links:

The American Brain Foundation - Does Gratitude Rewire Your Brain? 

Calm App Blog - The science of gratitude and how it can affect the brain

🎧 Listen + show notes: soreaforthatpod.com
📲 IG + Threads: @youresorealforthat
📧 Email us: sorealforthatpod@gmail.com

Keywords: Black women podcast, friendship podcast, gratitude practice, mindfulness, presence, joy, self care, burnout recovery, emotional wellness, nervous system care, Black joy, community, relationships, travel stories, personal growth.

Transcript

Okay. Whoa. This makes me want to watch a Robert De Niro movie. Oh my God. love that. What Robert De Niro movie would you want to watch? Um, Man of Honor.

⁓ always. my gosh. all times. That is my mother's. That's one my mother's favorite movies. She loves to tell the story about how she had on these platform shoes at school. And she was like, was walking down the hallway like men of honor. I was just walking. And then I went to turn that corner and then I clipped my ankle and then I was on the ground. She was. She was out of work for like a good week. Acting foolish. ⁓ no.

for Good Week is too much. There's a scene, there's this one particular scene, oh my God. So, I don't wanna spoil it, I'm gonna spoil it. It's been out for, I mean, but some people miss things. It's like, I don't wanna spoil the ending of Easter, but. I mean, but I have not seen a movie. What movie? Easter? Yeah. I'm talking about like with Jesus. Oh.

And we'll tell you what happens on the third day.

mean, particularly for people who we are global, we have a global audience. We do. Right? And I'm often in conversation with people around films and TV shows and songs that they're like, this is a class, I can't even, I don't know this. I'm like, actually not American. Yeah, that's true. I'm legally American because I have the passport. But culturally, in some ways, when it comes to cinematic experiences, when it comes to television, I'm not. And so sometimes the sport

I get it.

Hey friend. friend. First of thank you so much for saving me from that tree today. You know what? You did oral surgery. What are friends for, if not to reach into your tonsils with just random utensils that they found at the bottom of their purse to scrape the redwood out of your larynx? My god. My god.

You know, if I were a different kind of person, i.e. a Karen, I'd be writing a strongly worded letter to that spice company. To the forest. To Earth. Honestly. For burning trees. Mother Earth, how dare you make such a sharp spice that stabs me in the back of my tongue? I could've died. I could've died. I have children. Honest, you ever watch that show, 1000 Ways to Die? Yes, actually. I watched that show a I so obsessed with it when I was younger. I just feel like getting a piece of spice stabbed in the back of your throat such that you choke and die would be so embarrassing. But classic for that show. Like you should maybe submit it and see if it's still running. I don't think it is. I mean like they might revive it just to make you tell that story. my god I'm gonna go back and watch some episodes. was quality No that was a show. That was a show. Okay. We digress. Monet Noel T. Marshall. Who are you today? my god.

Today I am a... I'm a superfrao. Oh, what I mean.

Today I'm a super Frau To my German friends. So this afternoon I had the good fortune of going through some German lessons with a coworker of mine. They were specially requested at the tail end of 2025 in Q4. This is what I wanted for my life. I'm a polyglot and I really want to lean into that even more. I already know a Germanic language and I'm like, let's just bring on some more. So I asked homegirls.

Isaid I want to learn a little bit of German. Can you help me? And she said sure. And so I put on my calendar for us to go through our German language learning lessons. And that was one of the words that came up. What does it mean? Super Frau. Super Frau. Super Frau.

You're doing a thing in the back of your throat. You have to do like a scrape. Super frau Frau Frau There it is. Wow. In true German fashion. OK, what does that mean? It means superwoman. That's exactly what it means. Yes. And that's what I am. You are. I have been. she is. OK.

I've been feeling so powerless for the better part of Q4. Q4 of 2025. Powerless. Powerless. Without power. I have felt drained. I have felt like my mind has been in control of me. I have felt like people have been taking from me and I have not been in a practice and a regimen of nourishing and pouring back into myself. And it finally got to the point in true Virgo fashion where I was on the precipice of almost certain ruins.

And I was like, ⁓ do I? Do I need a break? Do I? Is this burnout? ⁓

And I was like, I think self care in order to be able to pour into my friends, into my family, into my work, I actually need to take care of I. Yes. I can't pour, as the kids say, from an empty cup. That's impossible. And so I've begun the journey. Right. We granted it's the first week of 2026, but still, still, I began the journey seven days ago of looking inward and like doing that repair work and pouring inward and understanding all of the things I need. To nourish myself emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, physically, and as a result in just seven days. And this can work for you as well, listener. I feel like a superfrau.

I feel so much stronger, feel so much firmer. I feel like I walk and I speak and I think with authority now more than I did seven days ago. I love that. And I feel that in you, honestly. know, having spent a good amount of time with you in this class. We've moved in together. I mean, honestly, let's be honest. I do, I see you charging up. It's so exciting. I'm like, ooh, it's getting good, it's getting good. It's getting spicy.

Yes it is. What is, who are you today? 2D Noelle. Today I am a friend. Today I am an artist. Today I am a grown ass woman. You are grown, I'm a grown woman. No for real, I feel it. I just feel really inside of myself. And today I'm also well rested. You look it. Yeah, I'm well rested and

Today I'm also a sister and I'm also an aunt and did I ever say I'm an artist? Because I think I need to say it It bears repeating. Yeah, I'm like for real, for real an artist. A third time, no one would take issue with that. No, honestly. And I'm a boss. Can we say that again? And I'm a boss. Period. Full stop. That's who I am For our friends across the Atlantic. Okay. Wow.

That was powerful. Thank you. You're every woman. It's me. And I think that just like feeling inside of yourself and feeling powerful is like, I think it's a top notch human experience. You're getting us right into it. Okay. Right into it. What a smooth trip. Good for you. Thank you so much. How easeful. I know. I felt good No, that was good. That was good.

So my question to you is like, how do you define a top notch human experience? I gave this a think as I do most things, which is why I often have migraines. But I gave this a think. I was just sort of thinking through all of the things that I've understood to be like top notch human experiences over the course of my life. And.

Given the scholar that I am, I did like a bird's eye view. I just assessed all of those like particular and specific instances. And I said the through line in all of these things is that there were moments in which I got to be a child again. I actually got to be a child again. And I thought about, I love traveling. God knows I love traveling.

Woo! Yeah, there's a plane you want to be on. Perfectly one that's still in the air. Yeah, like not... Yes. Right. And is descending gently. As it should. Right. Onto a sturdy surface. Shout out Lufthansa. I mean, they know what they're doing. All the time. I've never been on a Lufthansa flight and felt like my life was not in good hands. Shout out to Lufthansa. They're not sponsored, but maybe we should be. I mean, right. Right. Call us, girl. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. ⁓

Traveling. I think the one thing that I consistently can say about... the various places that I've been to and what I felt inside of my body in those moments was a sense of wonder and curiosity and like a childlike awe about the thing that I was experiencing in that moment and the novelty that I was experiencing. And I would say that I felt that in like two places in particular, I felt it in Jordan at Petra. Can you talk about what Petra is? Petra is a maybe, let me dot my I's and cross my t's

I understand it to be a UNESCO heritage site. Or perhaps it's a wonder of the world. It's one of those two. And it is this beautiful, just like red clay structure in Jordan that was built. It's like this edifice that was built by the Bedouins in God knows what century. And when you're going into the belly of the beast,

So when you're going into Petra, it's just kind of like this winding road. It feels like you're inside of a mountain and they've carved this like very like winding path into it. And then it's like the mouth of that path opens up and just like when the sun is just right, it's just shining on the most spectacular part of Petra, which is the temple. ⁓ The treasury, sorry, the treasury. Tooty.

I ⁓ had that experience, I think, six years ago. And six years later, I still get chills. It felt the majesty was unlike anything that I've experienced in my life. It felt like God. And I just remember standing in front of this enormous thing and my mouth was just agape. I felt like a child.

I was like, who are these people who built this thing? Why did they think to build it? Who is buried inside? Because there's a tomb in there. Who's buried inside there? How long did these people live? It was just a series of questions and curiosities that were generated by that moment. And that's often what I feel when I travel. And I also feel that sense of childlike-ness when I'm making my family and making my parents in particular proud, when I get to look up at them and feel affirmed and feel validated. And I also feel that when I'm, when I make myself proud, when I'm like, oh, I won that thing. Like I set a goal for myself that I wasn't necessarily sure if I was going to be able to attain, if it was attainable, I wasn't sure if it was going to be realized. And then I do it and I'm just, I'm just like,

That's so interesting because one, I appreciate that. Just hearing you describe Petra, I wish I could see the animation that went along with that story. So I hope you could just imagine it. ⁓ And just the shininess in your eyes talking about it. ⁓ And it's also interesting to me because when I think about how I define top notch human experiences, the word that comes up for me is presence. When I'm in a moment and I'm like, is nowhere else I would rather be than right here having this experience and this moment. And like for me, that can be often those experiences with like the mundane actually. They're actually really mundane. And later we'll talk about some of our favorite moments. Like top notch human experiences. I think in the moments where I can just really drop in and appreciate my life. Appreciate the people in my life. Appreciate and all the little things that made that moment possible and be fully in my body.

The tips of my toes and I feel like the follicles of my hair. I'm just so embodied. I think that for me, and then I think to know it. Like to take a moment in my brain and acknowledge this is a prime, top-notch human experience right now. Yes. To be in the good times and to know it. Ooh, yeah. I feel like I have to ask you.

Do you feel like you've always been able to do that? To be in the good time and know it simultaneously? Because I feel like that's something, a skill or an ability that really only came with time and only something that I registered like in the last three or four years. Absolutely not. I think they're definitely, for me when I was younger, I think that I just like, ⁓ this is what life is, you know?

I actually think experiencing deep grief allowed me to then when I'm in the good moment to be like, yeah, yeah, this is good because I know what I know the other moments of life. Because it's relativity, Tootie. Right. It's relativity. Like darkness is the absence of light and sadness and grief is the absence of joy. And so you understand when you're in a thing, you're like, I remember when I was down bad.

Okay, you know, yeah, and so when you're when you're just in the glory of the goodness of a moment You're like, ⁓ it's extra sweet. I remember when I prayed for moments like this You know ⁓ I'm so glad I survived that thing so that I could be right here right now, you know and I think when we can pay attention to those moments, it actually, it changes us, you know? And I'm not just talking, I ⁓ went and did some research to really figure out. true Virgo fashion. In true Virgo fashion. To really find out what is it that acknowledging those moments and being grateful for those moments, what it does to our brains.

Lean in, take a breath, we about to get sciency. So, all my smart cookies, lean in.

So this is from the American Brain Foundation. They published an article on November 26 called, Does Gratitude Rewire Your Brain? And part of what they talk about is like, when we feel grateful, this is a quote, when we feel grateful, neurotransmitters trigger activity in the medial prefrontal cortex, the anterior cingulate cortex, ACC, ventral striatum and the insula. These brain regions are involved in cognitive functions like higher order thinking, decision making, emotional awareness and motivation. Now, gratitude also affects the brain's limbic system, including the hypothalamus, which can boost the neurotransmitter serotonin, we know about serotonin, that's our girl, and signal the brain stem to produce dopamine. We also really rocks with dopamine. In good numbers. In good numbers and also from ⁓ healthy sources. Correct. Because we- And heroin is a thing. Or doom-scrolling. That too. You know, the little ding that you get. Anyway. They're all the same thing. They're all schedule five.

No, ⁓

distress which counteracts the fight-or-flight response and it turns on our like rest and reward responses. what they were so in another article they were saying in the Comet article which will also post both of these in the show notes we're talking about how the five major like ⁓ things that like gratitude does. So it boosts our neurotransmitter production, it regulates our stress hormones. So when we practice gratitude, we sleep better, right? We are restructuring cognitive processes, enhancing neural connectivity and improving brain function in critical areas. And I was really interested in that particularly because, you know, women are the folks who get Alzheimer's more than anyone else. And we're also the ones who have autoimmune issues more than anyone else. 

And it's like, by practicing gratitude, we're actually strengthening and building neural pathways. And I'm just like, okay, I want someone to do a study of like, a longitudinal study of people who practice gratitude. And does that impact versus people who don't or do a lot of negative self-talk? And how does that impact the brain?

Question for you. Yeah, I just had a whole nerdy moment. Thank you for going with me. We love a nerdy moment. I mean, we're having this podcast so that we can nerd out. That's really what we hear. I have a burning question as you were talking around the science and the dopamine and the serotonin. Do you feel as if for you, speaking from the eyes, speaking from Monet Noelle Marshall, that ability to or rather that desire to practice gratitude. Was that something that issued from inside or was that something was that a conscious decision that you made one day you woke up on a Monday in 2005 and you were like today I am going to be grateful I'm going to be in the practice of gratitude or Was it something that just came with age? Like you got to a point in your life where it it felt like a switch turned on and all of a sudden your brain could entertain such things like gratitude and thinking holistically and having a bird's eye view of your life. 

Ooh, I love this question. I think with all things, I cannot remove myself from my context. And part of that is like I'm raised in church. Oof. So the whole idea of like give thanks, give praise, like, you know, ⁓ if you're outside the door, praise them in the hallway. You know, like these things of like constantly there'll be praise on my lips. Like all these things about like we give thanks, we give thanks, we give thanks in advance. I thank you in advance. Like all these things are so part of the Christian tradition. And I think I find it so interesting, I saw your friend just today, my friend David. Hi David! Just today that So often science is only confirming what the spiritual has already been saying for thousands of years, right? So to answer the question about me, think, so I was raised in church, so I think the idea of giving thanks and all that, but it felt like giving thanks to God felt like, I was like, mean, sure, okay, I can do that. And then for a long time I was like, that's some woo woo nonsense, I'm not participating in that. And then I did get older and I think, In the days when I was invited into rituals with friends or into meditative practices or it's just like, ⁓ I'm doing a credit like when someone asked me like, what you grateful for? And you start to list.

And then you're listing things, you're like, oh, I can list 50, 60, 70, 100 more things. Then it does something. When I start to list the people in my life I'm grateful for, and I'm like, I could just keep going. So I think I wanted to be, I started to build the practice, but it was a trickling in. It wasn't like I snap one day and I'm like, and every morning I write up and then get up and do a gratitude list. Like I don't, but I think...

bringing that practice into my life, whether it's before I eat a food, just like taking a breath and being grateful for all the people, all the animals and all the creatures and all the, that, you know, like it makes me more mindful and I feel more inside of my life. Yeah. What about you?

The truth is that it happened overnight. It literally was a switch turned on. And that switch was turned on by suffering and hardship and strife. Real, as it will. I like, I just cannot do this no more. Thank you. I'll tell you where I was. Circa 2023, I was in my mother's home. had somewhat overstayed my welcome and I had defined for myself

how long I should have been in that house. ⁓ And I was there longer than I intended to be. And so I was stressed. I love my mother. I really do. Love you. So much. We, everybody in our, in my family does well when we're in our own homes. Yeah. And I was in my mother's home. God bless her. She had taken pity on me. I was, I was, I was.

taking a good crack at adulthood. I was doing my damnedest to stand on my own two feet, to pay my bills, to be a grown woman. And I was failing. I was failing up, but failing nonetheless. ⁓ I had just come back from the Australian Open and that was a shockingly...

ill-advised financial decision, but I said, know what? YOLO. You only live once, everybody, for our crowd that's maybe 45 and up. 45 is still millennial, so please. OK, that's fair. That's fair. Maybe let's just say 60 and up. My mom loves Drake, too. It was a shockingly ill-advised financial decision, and I came back from it literally the day that I came back.

I'm happy.

Shoot out of the atmosphere. just listen it was horrific It felt like my bones had become jelly and I was like I'm done I I don't know that I'm gonna see the Australian continent for another maybe two decades Anyway, I'm on my way up the stairs to my bedroom. I'm gonna crash I'm sleeping on an air mattress because of course I am and I'm like, let me let me crawl into my air mattress why do I look down onto the floor and There are crumbs of their tacky crumbs

on the floor that my sibling had just laid out on the... they were eating a bag of takis. my god, not the hot takis. yes, yes. And didn't clean up and so there's these ants, fire ants, all over the floor inside of my bed. They were everywhere. So I spent the bed... I spent like the next hour vacuuming the takis off the floor and vacuuming the ants and then I said okay, who saw?

Now, some reprieve, now I can sleep, right? Let me go to the bathroom really quick. Get ready to go to bed. And I don't know what it was that I was doing in there for so long, but I ended up sleeping in the bathtub. I was going through some things. People who know me better than I know myself know this tendency that I had back in the day of just crashing in the bathtub and feeling sorry for myself. So I did, I did it.

And I woke up a couple hours later, it was like maybe now six or seven. Tootie, why do I pick up my phone and I get an alert that I'm due in court? I got a ticket in December before. The Australian Open is in January. And so December 2022, I got a ticket in Chapel Hill.

And mind you, I was going down a hill. I was just literally rolling down a hill. I think I know this particular hill, but go ahead. And racism pulled me over. As it does. And slapped me with a ticket. And wouldn't you know it, the same day that I'm due in court is the same day that there are fire ants in the carpet and in my air mattress is the same day that I just spent the last hour and a half.

am melting at like hearing this story. I'm like my soul is just like this is not a top notch human experience. I rolled out of the tub. I put on my best suit, my Sunday best, and I drove myself to court for my day in court and they slapped me with a $300 fine. I was working a part-time job with no benefits.

Did you have the money for that $300? I certainly did not. I didn't think you I most certainly did not. think you did. Yeah. Yeah. So... I say all that to say... So what made you practice gratitude? At the end of that day, Tudy, I came home and something was just like... Journal.

You know I have like 10 million journals. I have so many journals. But something, I don't know what it was to this day, that was just like, just open up a single page in this journal and just start writing. And I didn't really have an idea of what I was going start writing. I was just like, I need to start writing. And the words that started forming on the page were...

I am covered in love. I am covered in devotion, in protection. I have friends who love me and who show up for me and who go to bat for me and I just started listing their names. That's beautiful. That's it. I ended that journal entry on the last friend who was in my life when I was down bad the way that I was and it was Camelia Walker. Shout out to Camelia.

Yeah. And I think that was what we were saying earlier about like the moments that have us at the bottom remind us that we're actually not at the bottom.

Yeah, yeah. And I really, really, really hate when people use other people as like, at least you're not those people. Right. Right. I really don't like that. So I'm like, we have enough in our own lives. Yes. If we're honest, if we're being honest with ourselves and each other about like, you know, where we've been and where we're going and the darkness that we've seen. Yes. Because we've all seen it and we actually don't need to compare.

ourselves to other people both in our in the light or when we're in our dark season. Right. So with that I'm really curious I would love to know some of your let's go back and forth actually. that's fantastic. Let's do that. I wrote top five top-notch human experiences but there's just no way to really write them. I just wrote five but I might have a few no particular order? Yeah, we're just sharing them but you go first.

top notch human experience. These are all off the cuff for me. Okay, I write it actually didn't write it down. True Virgo fashion. I wanted to feel what it was for something to come straight to my mind. Okay. I wanted to feel what are the things that tugged at the forefront of my mind. I would say that.

Being able to witness my grandmother see her country, the beauty, the landscape, and just the natural beauty of South Africa. Because of apartheid, lot of older people ⁓ from my mother's generation and older are often corralled.

were corralled into certain run-down parts of the country and kept there. It's essentially like a ghetto. ⁓ Townships in this particular context. And they would live out their days or ⁓ not necessarily townships for everybody, other people were in some more rural areas like Cucuriplasin. And they would live out their days in these places. ⁓

youth, adulthood, senior citizenhood, and they would never get to go to the Bork slug pot holes. They would never get to go to the Cape towns, the Cuban national parks, which if we're being honest, if you go to these places in 2025, that's likely where you're gonna find a particular demographic and it's

And if you do find a black demographic, they're in servitude. They're actually serving the people who have the money. ⁓ And it was 2016. I had just graduated high school. I was about to go to college. And we flew home. And I don't know whose idea it was. I think it was my mother's and my siblings. They were like.

Why don't we just take Ceci to Kruger National Park? Like, I don't even know that she's ever been there. Let's just make the drive. It was a four hour harrowing drive. We almost died up there, but that's another day's story. But we survived. And we got to Kruger National Park, ⁓ this lodge there, and I had, like, had sort

an impromptu itinerary planned out. And the next morning we went with my grandmother to the the Borks like potholes, ⁓ to this waterfall, I forget the name, it's very close to the Borks like potholes. And to just watch her be in that childlike awe, to watch her witness just the majesty and the beauty of her country at 60 something years old for the first time.

was, don't have the words. I don't have the words. Yeah. It was fantastic. That's so beautiful. ⁓ I think, ⁓ I didn't write this one down, but it's reminding me that one of my top notch human experiences is when an older black woman tells me that she's proud of me.

Yeah, like...

And I'm just really grateful. Like I've had that experience with like community elders who are like, Moni, we see you are proud of you. Or like I've had that. I did this performance. Oh, my God. This is one of my favorites. I did this performance with the state with some dancers and it was to honor Nina Simone's childhood home in Triana, North Carolina. But we're performing at the North Carolina Museum of Art. And I wrote some monologues that were part of it and I performed them.

⁓ and her childhood best friend was in the audience. Of course she was. Right, because she was there for this weekend that the state had put together to honor this new historic site. Yeah. And at the end she comes to me, she grabs my hand and she was like, she would have loved you.

Mm-mm, mm-mm, toady. I know. And then of course, like, my own grandmothers, you know, and them just being like, like, I'm just so proud of you. Like, look at you, you know? ⁓

And also the ways that older black women will tell you they're proud of you in those roundabout, sweet, salty ways. Like they give you something. Like Miss Yvonne, she gave me her scarf because I mentioned that I liked it. And I was like, no, no, she's like, girl, shut up. That's yours now. Take it, girl, shut up. Don't sass me. Don't give me any lip. I love

as they're giving you a whole closet and a cake and a turkey and some gravy on the side. better shut up and eat it. Just shut up girl, you know what I I love that, that's a top-notch human experience. The love of an older black woman. God is heaven.

whole other episode. No, we need to have an episode just on that. Because my god. Probably a multi-part series. god, it's just... Have mercy, god. Yeah, I think a pin is that I want to talk about how do we imagine our elder selves.

Like both how we're receiving love from or have received love from older black women, but also how we want to give love and show up. Like what actions should we take now to prepare ourselves for an eldership? But that's for another episode. Citizen Amo is going to be a fearsome thing to behold. Oh my God. I'm frightened. Me too. I am quaking in her shadow. Yeah. Okay. Another top notch you make. Hit me real quick. Hit me quickly.

I purchased my home circa 2024. It's been a year. Thank you, Zuri Williams. She has housed all of Durham. Yeah. If you have a house in Durham, it's likely Zuri Williams put you in it. So that's an aside, an important one, but an aside. And after I closed on that house, I called my mom and I just started crying.

like ugly crying in the club crying. My plan wasn't to cry that way. I wasn't intending to ball. I was intending to celebrate and champagne, yippee. I just started crying because I saw the best part of my mother and myself. My mother is, she is a fearsome thing to behold. She is powerful. She is a superfou for real. And

She taught me when I was very young, not necessarily in a pedantic sort of way, but in ⁓ a teaching by example kind of way, that a grown woman, a full and adult modern woman has her shit. She goes and gets her shit, she claims her shit, and she keeps her shit. And I grew up knowing that I was just gonna be a homeowner. I didn't know how it was gonna happen. I didn't know where it was gonna happen.

But I just knew that because I had the example of my mother. And I had the knowledge that to be a homeowner, to have your name on a deed, was something that many, many women in my bloodline were never able to say. Either because they were barred by their husbands, their partners, either because they were barred by the letter of the law, either because of the time that they grew up in. That was something that many women in my bloodline were denied.

when they eventually did have that, it was a symbol of freedom, of wild freedom. And when I closed on that house and I was on the phone with my mother, another superfraud, I just wept because I was now part of that class of wildly free women. That's beautiful. ⁓ Yeah.

You gotta hit us with another one, Titi. You gotta hit us with another one. So this one is a yeah, I'm only gonna justify. When you remember something really small about someone that they don't expect you to remember and you see them light up.

Or when it happens in the reverse, right? someone that like you mentioned something to them in passing, you know, like, oh, yeah, my dog wasn't feeling well. And then like months later, like, hey, how's your dog? Like his name is Rudy, right? And you're like, yeah. When was the last time that happened to you?

Well, I mean, just today I saw my friend David. Hi David, how's that Canadian healthcare? my god, so good. His skin is so great. David is a glow. He really is. ⁓ And just like, is a friend that, last time we saw each other was two years ago, and that is like the way that we keep up with each other's lives. You would not know that it's been two years. Like, literally I was like, he was like, yeah, know, my parents about going to wineries. I was like, yeah, your parents were taking the sommelier class when I met them. ⁓ that's beautiful.

You know, he was like, yeah, it's like, yeah. You know, and it feels good to remember and to be remembered. Because the love is in the detail. It's in the detail. That's how you love somebody. That's how you love a human. No, for real. It's to remember them. Yeah. And the intimate and small parts of them. Like, you're not just some, like, something that can be swapped out for anybody. You're not a generic. You're not generic. You are so specific. Oof. Ooh.

And I love the specificity of you. ⁓ my god, I love your quirks. I love how tismas you are. I love all of your weirdness. Yeah, I just, love all the things that make you you and I pay attention. ⁓ And I think to be attended to in that way and then also to attend to another in love is a top notch human experience. I read this article, it was a subset article that went into the concept of devotion.

And it's of equated love and devotion in the sense that to pay attention to a thing, to give it your full attention, particularly in this time in the modern era where everything is competing for your attention, everything is pulling at your attention span. To consciously turn yourself to a thing in devotion, in inspection, in curiosity.

is the ultimate expression of love. I'm looking at you and every part of you, I'm witnessing your personhood. Yeah. Yeah. And I think because the human life is finite. Oh! When we Just kill me off. Just finish me off. What do you have to say? Oh, God. In the same way, because the human life is finite. Yes!

every time that we're like, no, I blocked off my day. I calendared you. I wrote down, I made a note of your allergies. Say shout out to all my friends who do that to keep me alive. The people who are like, no, no, I am in a study of you because I love you. And then, and then, particularly as a black woman, to take that time and do it for ourselves. Yo, morena. Yo. I am in such a deep devotion of

Myself and to myself God take me to church. Okay. I'm there Jesus I'm here God at the altar Lord No, yeah, so because we only are gonna get but so many minutes so for someone to like give those minutes in attention to you It's priceless. No truly is it truly is. Okay. Hit me again. my lord How can I after that sermon?

And this is, I think I'm gonna close out with this one for myself. And then I want you to close out with a thing. With a thing of magnitude and pressure. No pressure.

I am a COVID graduate. I graduated college circa 2020 slash 2021 from NYU. Violet Pride.

I was sick with COVID that entire year, 2020. I contracted it in March of 2020. I got on a plane because they booted us out of our dorms and they were like, you know, the world is ending, so go find your loved ones. I got on a plane, American Airlines, to Phoenix, Arizona, which is where we were based at the time. And I went to a dentist. Yeah. I had a toothache. Of course I had a toothache right when everybody's mouths really need to be closed.

So

close. ⁓ I'm pretty sure as that man was tinkering in my mouth with his medieval tools, the door wide open, I heard from the reception area somebody hacking away. said, tuberculosis, God. It must have been a lung that hit the floor that day. I heard it while my mouth was a gape. You were just sucking in all that person. I said, I am COVID now. I'm the virus now. And sure enough,

Like seven days later, I went down and I stayed down for the better part of that year. When I'm talking neurologists, cardiologists, I was in and out of ER the entire year. And then I had long COVID after the sort of acute sickness had abated.

But I was still in school. I was in school online. was was logging into class online. I had my colloquium online. Shout out to George Schulman. We love you. Best advisor in the world. The entire year because I was resolved. I was resolved to get that degree. Come hell or high water, come COVID or nothing else. I was going to get that degree. I had a conversation with my father last week.

about his father and about his parents generally. And he said to me, my parents, when I was growing up, actually they lived and died illiterate. They didn't know how to read, they didn't know how to write. And that man took himself to school. Out of eight children, he was the only one who established himself professionally. He became a medical technologist.

And I hadn't spoken to my father in a very long time. We have not been on speaking terms, but something moved me to reach out to him last week. And in hearing him stress the importance of education, in bringing himself and his entire family out of abject poverty, hearing that and then feeling in myself the importance of education, it felt like I was...

It felt like I was seeing my father for the first time and I was seeing myself in him for the first time and I felt connected to him and the shared love and appreciation for education and the things that it's done materially for this family is, it's just been profound. And so when I got that degree,

at the end of 2020, sick as a dog as I was, I felt like, I really felt like a superfoul. I felt like I'm that bitch. And I just made myself proud. I think I'm just reflecting also so much on how many of your top-notch human experiences are connected to and related to your family. And just really reflecting on that, that like...

And our best moments, really what makes them the best is how they connect us to the people we love. ⁓ Lord in heaven, God, you should be behind a pew. I mean, I'm grateful that you're here in front of this mic, but you should moonlight as a preacher. you and Robin please, I'm not starting a church.

on January 17th. No, I am doing a sermon on January 17th. And I'll be in attendance first row. you all should be too, because we all need Jesus. Frankly. Yeah. Okay, I'm going to give you my light last and then my real last one. My light last one is like, they're both like, making a baby laugh. ⁓ no. It's just.

Yeah, if I get permission from my brother, maybe we'll just drop in the audio of my nephew laughing because there's He sent an audio to the group chat and my brother is being silly as he is and that little boy like my nephew It's just the cackle But it's like he's only one but like the laughter is ringing through his whole body. He just I really hope he'll just play. Yeah, sure put it your possum or whatever. It's just so

I played that sound so many times. This is pure joy. He is just like, this is the funniest person I've ever seen in my life. Wow. You know? And then my brother would do it again and it was funnier the second time.

I think yeah making a baby laugh and then what I close on is like holding hands with a crush for the first time. no. god. I feel and I think and I say holding hands and not like a first kiss or things like that or first time you you get it I don't know whatever. I say holding hands because I feel like it's such no matter how old we are. my god. The first time we hold hands with a new crush

We all become like 12. Like we're all, like I, for me, I feel my little animal self. That's just like, the world is big and scary, but will you hold on to me? ⁓ my God.

you know like companion with me will you like the otters you know how like they just touch their little flippers together get out like float away from each other in the in the night and me lord just and that's what it feels like the first time you hold hands with someone you're like do you want to hold my hand i want to hold your hand who's gonna make a first move is your hand gonna be clammy is my hand clammy the innocence you just feel so and then when you finally get there you're like and you don't talk about

it. It's not one of those things where it's like, do I have consent to hold your hand? know? Can I reach two inches out from my body and you do the same? We just don't, it's not that, you know? It generally happens so organically. It starts with like a brush on the back of the hand and you're standing close and then one person just slowly starts to, and then you're holding hands that you don't want to make a big deal out of it. So you're like standing there holding hands. We're love of girls. If you didn't already pick up on that, that's what's going on.

It's just so...

innocent and wholesome and sweet and like no matter what else happens for that moment it's just like we are just two beings that want to be loved and held on to. Damn. And I think that's a top-notch human experience. I wish that experience on you this year. I wish that experience on you this year. We shall have the things that we wish for. Amen. Y'all I've really enjoyed this conversation. This one felt so nurturing as

our first competition back on the mic this year. And it felt cathartic. it felt so nice. I'm going to be leaving here just full of like, ushie-gushie gratitude feeling. Now sit around! Like the babies on the playground that we are! Yes, honestly though. Y'all, we would love to hear from you about your favorite, your top notch human experiences. You know, can email us. You can message us on Instagram. You can even text. You know you can text us. ⁓

Plus sprout like if you go and say you're like browser where you listen to this podcast as a little thing is like send a text and you click it you can just send us a text message and we'll get it. Send us a text guys in the middle of a work day please. Come on what are we doing? I mean we're working. I mean but what are we doing for real? we're working. We're very serious working ladies. No this is so good. I'm so excited for this year with you. Thank you for your life. Thank you for your life. I love you so much. I love you. Bye.

We're done talking for now, but the convo doesn't have to end here. Nope. You can holla at me online at Monetisart on Instagram and threads. And my website is Monetisart.com. And if you want to talk to me, you can find me at Khivileh Modjadji or if that's too many vowels, just look me up on IG as Amo Makhubele. But if you really got something you want to tell us, email us at sorealforthatpod at gmail.com. As always, you can find

the links in the show notes. Until next time, love you bye!