Letter To My Younger Self

This episode is a letter. Written by me, for me — the girl I was in my twenties who thought strength was the same thing as faith. I am reading it out loud because someone else needs to hear it too. Maybe that someone is you. Maybe you are her right now — holding everything together, choosing the wrong things for the right reasons, loving your children from a distance called busy, waiting on a man to lead who was never built for it. I wrote this for the version of me who had not yet learned that God is not impressed by how much you can carry. He never asked you to carry it. So sit down, turn this up, and let me read you the letter I wish someone had handed me. It is not too late. It was never too late. He is still right there — waiting not for your strength, but for your surrender.

Thanks for listening to Me Again, God with Charlene Condu.
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Hey baby girl. I see you over there holding it all together like your life depends on it. Like everyone's life depends on it. You're so strong. God sees you as so strong. And I need you to hear this. That strength is gonna cost you in ways you can't see yet. You think he's proud of you for never breaking. You think the not crying is faith. You think the keep going, the figure it out. The I don't need anybody is a testimony. Honey, he's not impressed by your strength. He never asked for it. And I need to talk to you about the prices you're gonna pay. Because strong women pay quietly, they pay in sleepless nights they call productivity, they pay in relationships they hold together with sheer will while wondering why they always feel so alone. They pay in children who watch their mama carry everything and learn that's just what women do. Baby, that's not a legacy. That's a wound passing itself forward. I need to talk to you about that man you're gonna choose. Stop brushing. I know you think love is supposed to feel like finally having someone in your corner, but slow down and look at him. Not at how he makes you feel. Look at what he does. Ask the hard questions before your heart gets ahead of your wisdom. Does he know God or does he just know about God? Does he lead or does he just talk about leading? When things get hard, does he get on his knees or does he just get up and go? Because the man is not just your partner. He's gonna be the atmosphere your children breathe in. He's gonna be the first picture they have of what a man of God looks like or doesn't look like. Choose a man who can lead, not perfectly, but genuinely. Man who knows he answers to someone higher than you and lives like it. That's the one. Wait for that one. And your babies? Haha, your babies. I know you're providing, I know you're sacrificing, I know everything you're doing, you're doing it for them. And they don't need more of what you're working for, they need more of you. Slow down. Sit with them, let them crawl in your lap when they're too big for it. Say yes to the thing that interrupts your to-do list. And every single day, every single day, let them hear it from your own mouth. Jesus is running things in this house. I am taking his direction, not as a rule, as a testimony. Let them see what it looks like when a woman wakes up and hands her day to God before she picks up her phone. Let them see you open that Bible, not because you have to, but because you need to. Let them see you mess up and go back to him because that's not weakness. That's the most important thing they'll ever watch you do. Let them see his grace on you so they know it's available for them. Never let them see you veer from his word. Not because you're performing, because you know what happens when you do, and they're watching to see if it's real. Show them that it is. Show them what it looks like to live in confidence under his covering, not your own strength, not your own plan, not your own understanding. Show them a woman who knows that the safest place in the world is not something she built, it's something she surrendered. What he wanted, what he was waiting for, was the moment you finally put it down. All of it. The plans you made without him, the walls you built to stay safe, the version of yourself you worked so hard to protect. He didn't want your performance, he wanted your surrender. And I know that word scares you. Surrender feels like losing. It feels like the floor dropping out, it feels like weak. But I'm standing on the other side of it now, and I am telling you, the floor doesn't drop. He catches you every single time. He catches you. You don't have to be this strong anymore. You were never supposed to do it alone. Give it to him. Not the cleaned up version, not the version you've already half fixed. Give him the mess. He's not waiting on you to get it together. He's waiting on you to let go. And when you do, when you finally, finally let go, that's not the end of your story. That's where it actually starts. Get up, girl. Pray up, girl, and level up like your life depends on it because it does. But first, fall down to your knees and know that is where he's waiting. Right there.