Why You Became You | Episode 1 May 2026

We don’t just wake up one day as the people we are.

Every reaction, belief, coping mechanism, fear, defense, and pattern has a root somewhere — in the way we were raised, the things we experienced, the love we received, the pain we carried, and the environments that shaped us.

In this episode, we’re unpacking the question: Why did you become you?

Together, we’ll explore childhood conditioning, emotional survival patterns, trauma responses, identity, and the unseen experiences that quietly influence how we move through life and relationships today.

This isn’t about blame.
 It’s about awareness.
 Because when you understand yourself more honestly, you can finally begin to heal, grow, and choose differently.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to the Own Your Fight podcast. My name is Sarah, and I'm so excited to be on this journey with you today. Make sure if you haven't done so already, that you like and subscribe. Follow us on Instagram so you never miss what is happening. Here we're talking all about owning this fight of life that we are in. And every episode we're gonna be talking about a different area that we're gonna own, and we're really gonna live unapologetic in this life that we have been given. And so we're gonna expand from last time and talking about owning your why. Owning your why. Because you can fight, you can go through life, but you should probably understand why you're doing what you're doing, why you're in the fight that you're in. And I'd love to even hit backspace a couple times and ask you why are you even at where you're at right now? What got you to where you are? I shared a little bit about my story last time, but I want to expand a little bit because why we are, what we are, matters. And just in case you didn't catch that, why we are, what we are matters. What happened to us to bring us to this point that we're at matters a lot. So we're gonna take some time today and do some deep diving, some self-inventory. And I'd encourage you, do this journey with me. Take some time and really reflect. As I share some of my story, I'm gonna ask you some questions too about really digging deep and saying, okay, why am I this way? Why am I at this point in my life? Why am I who I am? And so I talked a little bit about how when I was young, a teacher said to me at a parent-teacher conference, uh, she said, you know, your daughter Sarah is so quiet. I don't even know when she's in the room sometimes. And that really marked me, but that's not my only why. There's a lot of other things about me. I am the oldest out of me and my siblings, and I'm the only girl. So there's me, and then I've got two brothers, and we're all three years apart. And any oldest siblings out there, you know, there's there's some things that go into what that makes you into. You know, you you're the first one to take responsibility of things. You're the first one to really take the ownership and the lead. You're kind of always having a plan, and then you always have a backup plan. It's always your fault. You kind of naturally assume the I'm in charge role. You've probably seen that play out in some dynamics, but have you actually taken the time to look back and be like, oh, is that why I am the way that I am? Where are you at in your birth lineup? Where are you? I also am from up north. So I was born in Jersey, where my tri-state people are. And then I lived in Pennsylvania from the time I was six until I graduated high school. So northerner, and there's a lot of things that come with that. We are very fast-paced. We are quick to the stories when we tell them. There's not a lot of fluff with our stories. We drive fast. You know, I learned to drive in Jersey. So if you've seen me on the highway, I apologize. We're quick. Um, my mom is from Colombia, so I'm half Colombian there too. That's part of you know what makes me me. I also, a very significant part of my life growing up is that my mom was on staff at the church that we were raised in. From the time I was six or seven, maybe closer to eight, she be she came on staff, but we served there. We were all in. And so if you know the church world at all, that meant I slept on the pews. I ate the goldfish in the Sunday school classroom as my snack. I we did have pews in my church growing up, so learned how to take a nap on those. I helped fill the little communion, uh, little cups that we would take for communion at church. Had a lot of fun just playing with church cups and all the things that go into that. So that was kind of my background. Um, that's kind of a little bit about me. And that formed a lot of who I am. That formed a lot of the fact that I am the first to kind of, okay, what are we doing here? I'm gonna make a play and I'm gonna step in because that's kind of what the oldest always does. You always look out for the people around you. You want to make sure that they're okay. Growing up as the daughter of a church staff member, too, there's a lot of expectations that were placed on me. A lot of, you know, you've got to make sure that you follow the rules, that you do what you're supposed to do, that you're setting the example to people around you. That when I would go into school, I was raised in public school, you know, you better make sure that you're doing and you're representing not just Jesus well, but the church well and our family well. And I don't say that to speak negatively on anyone. I loved my upbringing. I loved my church. They formed so much of who I am. A lot of my aunties and best friends and stories growing up came from there. I, total side note, but my brother has a scar under his eyebrow because I kicked a church chair into him and he just happened to be walking too close. Lots of lifelong memories came from how I was brought up. And I I mentioned last time too that I, before I became a mom, I took some time and got some counseling, which I'd encourage everybody to do. Counseling is not a sign of weakness at all. It's actually kind of what we're talking about. It's really understanding why you are the way that you are. What makes you tick? Why do you react the way that you react? And so I really became someone out of a reaction of oldest sibling from up north. You know, I was a daughter of a church staff member. We were at the church all the time. And and so um, I remember so many moments, not just of my teacher saying that, but I remember in high school, um, one of my best friends um had asked me to prom. I said no. And the reaction was, oh my gosh, you're so nice all the time. Why would you say no? You're the nice girl. You're supposed to say, say yes and do him a, you know, just say yes, do the favor, do the nice thing. And in high school, I remember other conversations that I would be left out of, and I would ask, you know, hey, what are you guys talking about? And I remember so distinctly they said, Oh, you you don't need to be in this conversation. You have nothing to add here. You've never dated anybody. And that was part of my story too. I I wasn't gonna date just to date. You know, I wasn't really keen on getting married at all. But if I was gonna date, it definitely was gonna be with the intention of getting married. And and I wasn't gonna do that in high school. I just felt like I had to figure out who I was and just enjoyed having friends and figuring out, you know, what I'm good at, what I like doing. And and so those moments, those moments of people saying, you know, oh, you're the quiet one, oh, you have nothing to add to this conversation, oh, you're the nice one. Why would you react that way? So many of those moments marked and shaped pieces of me. And I began to realize that avoiding conflict and having to always people please, it wasn't just something I did. It started becoming part of who I felt like I was. I was the person I was supposed to be nice. What does nice mean? You know, what every space that kind of meant something different. I was supposed to be the quiet, nice one. The quiet, nice, responsible one. The quiet, nice. I have no experience or nothing to add to this conversation one. So why would I say anything anyway? And that was a lot of my why for a long time in my life as to why I did what I did, why I acted the way that I acted. For you, what is that? Maybe you're the oldest daughter, too. Maybe you're in the middle and you kind of had to keep the peace between your older siblings and your younger ones. Maybe you're an only child. There's a lot of dynamics that come with that. Have you taken the time to analyze why you are the way you are? Or you may be a pastor's kid, or did you grow up not going to church at all? Do you have an opinion of church that is because of how you were raised? Did you have to be the responsible one? Where you may be looked at as, oh, you're the fun one, you're the class clown, you're the party of the class, you know, you're you're the one that brings joy into the room. And then the pressure that comes with that, right? There's a lot of weight that comes with things that, especially in our formative before we're 18, 19, 20, things that are spoken over us, we like to kind of brush them off. But man, they mark our souls. They're they're so we're so malleable when we're so young. And even things spoken out of the best place, we can't just forget they happened. We can't just go forward with our life and not acknowledge these things that have been said to us. Now, what I do want to pause and say, that doesn't mean you have to stay in that place. That doesn't mean that that gets to become your identity. It is the easier thing for us to do. It is oftentimes if we don't reflect what we end up doing just because of the way that we're kind of wired to just kind of keep moving through life. But this whole journey that we're on in this own your fight is to pause and understand why we approach fights the way that we do. And part of that is starting with why am I this way? Why do I do this? Why do I react that way? Why am I the way that I am? So I challenge you. Why is it for you? What affected you? What was spoken over you? What are those things that you've taken? And maybe you've never even thought about it. Maybe you're just like, oh, it's just who I am. And I challenge you, is that who you are? Or is that how you've become because of what has been said to you? Is it who you actually are, or is it who you have formed yourself into being because of what somebody did to you? You know, it's the whole story of the elephants and circuses that they would have, and they'd have them tied to a peg on their foot, and so they would just kind of walk around in circles and in circles. That's what they kind of had to do. And then the one time they took off the restraint and he still kept walking in circles. He had the potential to go wherever he wanted to go. He wasn't restrained anymore. But because of what he had been marked by and formed into, it just was who he thought he was. And that's what a lot of us do. We're trained to just kind of become, oh, you're like I said, you're quiet one, you're the nice one, you're the responsible one. But I've done some deep work and understanding that's actually not who I am. That's just why I became the way that I am right now. And what I love, especially, you know, as a follower of Jesus and the hope of the whole gospel is that just because you are the way you are right now, and just because something is the way that it is right now, doesn't mean it has to stay that way. It doesn't mean you have to stay that way. Thank the Lord, it doesn't mean I have to stay the way that I was. I'm so grateful to Jesus that that's part of my why, but it's not who I am right now. Why I am that way is not who I am now. And I would challenge you, go through and really understand like what happened to you. And then I want to take that a step further. So now we've understood our why. We've thought through, you know, our family dynamic, even challenging you. Were your parents present in your household? How did they speak to you? How did they maybe discipline you, or what did consequences look like for you? What did fun look like for you? What did hobbies look like for you growing up? We, if we did anything in my family, a lot of times all of us did it together. So if one of us did T-ball, listen, all of us were doing T-ball. If we had a game, all of us were going. I did Taekwondo growing up. That meant all of us were doing taekwondo. We all did it together. And I'm talking me, my brothers, my mom, we were all there. What did that look like for you? What did your rhythm look like growing up? I even remember distinct moments because uh sometimes we can remember the things that were spoken to us, but we don't remember things that happened to us too. And that also has something to do with it. I remember we moved from New Jersey to Pennsylvania, and my dad had gotten an incredible job. I remember he took me to, you know, take your child to work day, and there was this huge aquarium type fish tank when he walked in. It was super, super cool. Um, and then a couple years later, the company was bought out and he ended up losing his job. It shifted a lot of things in my family. It changed a lot of things. Now, listen, my dad got another job. He's a hard worker. My parents showed me an incredible model of what hard work looks like. And something I gained from them that I'm grateful for is they never give up on anything. They are gonna make sure they're gonna come through on the other side and win. So he never gave up. He found an incredible job that he's still with actually today. He is so consistent, so faithful, such a hard worker. But the shift that that happened in our home that did affect me. What are some things for you? Did your parents maybe walk through a divorce? That's major. Did you go through a huge breakup in your high school years, college years? Did you maybe have a relationship fall through that you thought, oh, they're the one for me? Did someone say something or abuse you? What are those things that happen to you? What is the why of your life? I want to challenge you in this. Go on this journey of really not just existing, leaning in and understanding why I am the way that I am. Why am I this way? And now that I am this way, what part do I have to play in it? Because now at this point, I've got a responsibility to do something with it. I understand why I am this way. Now, what am I going to do? There's a part that I've got to play. So now, part of what we're journeying through together, which is why this podcast, I'm so passionate about this topic, is because I really want to see so many people, just like I had to walk through this journey of freedom with the Lord, really be set free from those things and then owning their voice, owning their future, owning their potential, owning their, okay, this is why I am the way that I am. Understanding, doing the deep work. If you can understand that, even maybe for the women that are on here that you want to have kids, you want to be a mom, you want to raise those kids that you have, you'll be better for it if you can release some of that trauma that you had growing up. And then you're getting to raise the next generation to look a little bit different. A little less trauma, a little less baggage, a little less of the things that are just patterns that we're repeating. Because we're prone to repeat things that we haven't taken the time to analyze. We are prone to repeat those patterns if we don't take the time to say, oh, okay, wait, where is that coming from? Why do I respond that way? You know, if someone gives you a compliment, what do you do? I, if you're into like the love languages, words of affirmation, I got a zero. I couldn't have scored lower on words of affirmation. And if you're into Enneagram, I am an eight-wing seven. Um, so not necessarily the warm, lovey, very quick to feel like, oh, let's just sit and do affirmation circles. And that actually like makes my skin crawl a little bit. And I'm getting married, it's so funny. The Lord has such a sense of humor. And if you're married, you'll understand this. My husband's number one love language is words of affirmation. Number one, on top, like the number one. And I had to learn that words meant a lot to him, which also meant he wanted to give words, and I just got creepy, crawly goosebumps every time he would try to give me a compliment. And I really could just keep reacting that way for the rest of my life and then model to my daughter that when someone gives you a compliment, you react and get kind of uncomfortable. Or I took the time, which you can also do and say, why do I react that way? Oh, well, it's because growing up, a lot of times it was, you know, words are one thing, but your actions are another thing. So it's not that words don't matter, but watching that actions meant so much more. But I want to make sure that I'm teaching my daughter that when someone compliments you, you can say thank you. Because Jesus made you and he loves you and he has a plan for you. I want my son to learn that when people affirm things in him, he can say thank you and receive that. So I had to do some work. Now, listen, I'm still not the first one to love compliments, but I did take the time. I understood why I was that way. Because I do think a lot of times too, in our maybe it's just me, but our our world, there's a lot of backhanded compliments. There's a lot of, even what that teacher said to me, Oh, your daughter's so quiet. You know, or when I said no to that guy, like I said, they're like, Oh, but you're so nice. I had to do some work and do some healing and understand why I was reacting the way that I was reacting. So let's take a second, let's put this into practice. Imagine we're getting coffee together and I'm talking about life, and you're talking about your life, and we're sitting here, and I take the time to say, Hey, I want you to know you're amazing. What you're doing, how hard you're working at your job, how you're taking this season so seriously, how you're really leaning in and being intentional, you're absolutely crushing it right now. You are doing so incredibly well at all of these things. You are just you're a winner. Now pause. What's your heart rate doing? What's your body telling you? Are you maybe having a reaction right now and you're like, oh, thank you. I don't know what to do with that. I'd analyze the why. If someone wants to give you a promotion at work, what is your knee-jerk reaction? Are you super excited? Or do you almost feel bad for taking someone else's spot? Why? Why do you do that? If someone says, Hey, I just want to take a second, do you have a moment to meet with me? Are you immediately afraid that you failed and that they have something bad to tell you, maybe some bad news? Or are you like, oh my goodness, I can't wait to talk. I I wonder what they want to share with me. I wonder how we can collaborate better, maybe we can get coffee and become better friends and I can learn from them. For those of you who are followers of Jesus, analyze why don't you want to pray? Why don't you want to take some time and just sit in your car and hear what the Lord has to say to you? Why don't you want to maybe go to church? What is that in you? What is the why behind what you're feeling? Because listen, this is we're talking about owning your fight. And I told you we're gonna lean in a little bit, get a little uncomfortable and a little real. And part of the fight is you're fighting to become something, not just a reaction to what people have said to you to become. So if you're gonna move forward, if you're gonna own this space, this breath that God has given you, you have to understand why you are the way you are right now. What has shaped you into this person? What motivates you? And then on the flip side, not just the negative, but really understand that there's so much goodness probably in you too. Why do you want to be a great spouse? Why do you want to be a great mom? Why do you want to be a great dad? Why do you want to be a great coworker? Why do you want to be a great leader, a great student? Why do you want to go start that business? Take some time because listen, if you understand your motives, you're you're able to move forward with nothing restraining you backwards. There's no fear of someone finding out your why. There's no fear about, oh, well, if they really knew who I was, if they really knew why I was doing this. There's no fear there because you've already, you already know why you're doing what you're doing. You can actually walk in freedom when you know your why. You can actually move forward with passion and excitement and the giftings that you have when you understand why you are the way that you are. So I don't want to challenge you to own that the fight that you're in starts with owning your why, which is why this is kind of our first kickoff here. Because it all starts with the why. It all starts with why. And I love that God first modeled this for those of us who are Christians. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son. And he told it to us. I loved you so much. That's why I sent my son. So that you could walk into the fullness and the forgiveness and the potential that you have on your life. So just like God modeled, we also need to understand our why. Why are you the way that you are? Let's understand why we are in the fight that we are in so that we can own it. Let's understand why we are here where we are right now, so we can step forward. Let's understand why we are the way we are so we can raise the next generation behind us and raise those kids and be the leader in our friends' groups that really isn't continuing the pattern that we're setting new ones. Let's own the why and now start choosing how you show up. Choose how you show up for people. Choose how you're gonna be. And we're gonna continue every single episode, it's gonna be talking about another area we're gonna own. But I am gonna challenge you, don't just leave any of these and just let it be. Lean in, do the reflective work, understand your why. And I'm gonna challenge you to continue on this journey. Make sure you subscribed, make sure you followed. Thank you for being on this with me. Thank you for journeying together and owning this fight together. And I'm so excited to see what's gonna happen in the weeks to come as we really understand why we are the way we are, so we can own the fight that we are in. Subscribe so you never miss a drop. And thanks for hanging out with me today.