The PK Delight
I'm just a Preacher's Kid who has over 20 years of experience, and experiences to share. Join me as I explore conversations with PKs all over the world. This platform will tell it like it is, answer your questions, and empower you with strength & wisdom. This is a safe space...Not just for PKs, but for parents & family members of PKs too. Lets laugh, cry, vent, have tough conversations, and ultimately heal together!
The PK Delight
Your Family Is Your First Ministry
Lets discuss the reputation of a PK. We've all heard the horror stories, but does anyone know "how they got that way?" Lets dive into the why, the how, and what can be done to prevent these things from happening. Stick around, there's so much more to come from this episode.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for another episode. Um you know what? Let's get right into it because I have a lot I want to share in this episode. Um today's episode I want to talk about. Um I want to talk about the reputation of PKs. Uh this is something that everybody is very familiar with, but I I kind of want to do a deep dive into the reputation of a PK. Um and to be honest, many times PKs don't have a good reputation. Um let's just be honest. We all have known or encountered or heard about PKs, preachers' kids, pastors' kids who are buck wild in the streets, uh running around having sex with everybody, you know, lying, stealing, cussing, fighting, whatever we've heard. Um, but also we've seen lots of PKs. You know, I've been surprised over the years. Like there are several PKs who are celebrities. I'm not gonna specifically name anybody because I I just don't want to do it, but some who are famous rappers or producers, uh, actors or actresses, and they're actually preachers' kids. Uh, there are some famous athletes as well who are preachers' kids. Now, you wouldn't look at them and be able to tell that they're PKs. Um, you know, their lifestyle, quote unquote, may not reflect it. Um, but you know, they are preachers' kids. And, you know, shout out to them. Um, like I said, I don't want to name drop anybody in my pod, but let's just talk about it for a second. Like, why do PKs have such a bad reputation? Like, this is something that, you know, goes back to the beginning of time, if you will. But I want to tell you my thoughts. So I've been a PK for a very long time. Um, like I said, um, I'm I think let me see. My mom got called into ministry in like '95. Um, so I'm not gonna tell you how old I am, but just know um my mom has been a preacher since 1995. So anyway, I've been a PK for a while. Um, nonetheless, I think one of the things that happens when it comes to preachers or pastors is they're so devoted to God and the church that they forget about certain basic needs of their children within the home. Now, whether their children are in the home or not in the home, sometimes these preachers, these pastors, these leaders forget about some of the basic needs. So when I say that, I mean not food and water, but I mean like the need to express themselves, the need to have fun, the need to have freedom with their friends and to enjoy certain things. I think sometimes um parents of PKs are trying to shield them so much from the world that they don't let them get a taste of fun and excitement. So when I say that, kind of compare that to kind of putting your child in a bubble. You know, as a parent, you generally don't want any harm to come to your child. You want to protect, you want to protect them at all costs, which I get it. Um, but at the same time, your child has to live a little. So your children have to have be able to make friends, be social, be able to, you know, go out and have fun sometimes, um, you know, be able to enjoy certain things. Now, preachers, you know, you know, who are leaders in churches and pastors, they tend to be very kingdom-minded. And church is 24, ministry never stops, it keeps going. So we could have, you could be dealing with a leader who is, you know, functioning in a high capacity in a church, or you could be dealing with a pastor. And, you know, let's just say that uh there's, you know, midweek service or midweek prayer, there's small groups, there's Sunday service or Sunday services. Um, there could be revivals and conferences, and so there's so many things. Uh, there's, you know, those phone calls that the preachers get, the leaders get, where they have to pray or they have to go out and do something, lay hands and so forth and so on. Like there's so many things that are involved with that. So I think some PKs simply get ignored. Um, when your mother, father, aunt, uncle, whoever it is that raised you, um, who has you know made you a PK, when they are so obligated with the things of the kingdom and the things of God, sometimes you could easily get ignored. Now, we get like there's such a fine line. Like, people, some leaders feel like, you know, my devotion to God is everything, and this is my primary focus. But it doesn't make sense to focus on everything God and neglect your family. It's kind of like the scripture that says, what profited a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul? Like when you lose the thing that matters most to you, which is your family, then nothing you do for Christ even makes sense. You could be the top leader in the whole world. But if your family never sees you, never gets time with you, never gets to experience the laugh, you know, so forth and so on, or you're always on the road, then you've lost sight of the vision. Your family is your first ministry. Let me say that again to the preachers who are listening to this. Your family is your first ministry. It doesn't matter how many preaching engagements you have, how many conferences you have to go to, how many Sunday services you have, how many obligations and things you have to facilitate and oversee. If you are not spending time with your children, your spouse, your family, then you have lost sight of the vision. So they come first. And I think a lot of PKs get ignored. So what naturally happens when a child is ignored, they either act out or they seek attention in other places. Now, seeking attention in other places could mean I could seek attention from friends who may not, or quote unquote friends who may not necessarily be true friends. I could seek attention uh from a bottle, from you know, I could seek attention from substances and and things that that uh become addictive. So there are many ways I could seek attention. Now, being ignored is one part, but another part is a lot of times as a PK, you feel unheard. When every time you bring up the fact to, you know, and this wasn't necessarily my experience, but for some PKs, when they bring it up to their parent or their parents, that, you know, hey, you know, I don't get much time with you. We always go into church, but we don't spend time together. And then imagine the preacher telling their child, well, we're we're at church together all the time. You know, being at church together is not quality family time. There's so much more to experience than just being in the presence of God with your family at church. Like you need you need family dinners, you need family outings, you need vacations, you need just talks and and just the the chilling around the house, like you need that private time. That that stuff means so much. So if a PK is unheard, for instance, when they try to voice, you know, hey, we're always at church, you don't spend time with me. When are you gonna this, that, and the third, and it gets to the point where that particular parent is saying, well, you know, my obligation is to Christ and I have to do XYZ, then now the child may feel like, well, I'm gonna have to give you an ultimatum. Either you choose, either you choose the church or you choose me, or either you choose God or you choose me. Which one is it gonna be, dad? Which one is it gonna be, mom? You know, it it gets to that point because you know, many times when they're young and growing up, it's like you can't understand that. Like it it almost seems like your parent is choosing these people in church over you, like spending more time tending to their needs and then getting glorified for it. Because if you are a good leader in church, then the people will sing your praises, they will talk highly of you, they will love on you, and your children will see this. But if when we get home, you're in the bed and there's no time for me, then now as a child, I may feel an obligation to expose you. I may I may look at you sideways because you're up there preaching a sermon and the people are just getting healed, delivered, set free. They're saying amen, they're lifting their hands, they're coming to the altar, but at home, you have nothing for me. So it's not adding up. So I feel unheard, or I feel like you're fake because you do one thing here at church, but when we get home, you don't have anything for me. And that goes even deeper because some people are ministering to people in the public, and then when they get home, they're a completely different person. And as a PK, if you grow up seeing that, it's frustrating. Not only is it frustrating, but you battle with those thoughts of wanting to expose, wanting to tell the people who their leader really is, or you just naturally rebel. And it's a natural thing because you know this is not your parent at home. You know that they're preaching the word of God in the pulpit, but at home, daddy's beating up on mama, or daddy is cussing everybody out, or daddy has uh a side chick, or you know, so forth and so on. Like when you see things like that as a kid, it messes you up. So it causes a natural rebellion. Also, as a PK, like with some households, it's militarized, where we go to church, we serve the Lord, and then the child asks why. And you get and and the parent gets upset and looks at them and says, You don't question me, you don't question God. We serve the Lord, and and let me just say this to the parents who are listening to this: just because your child does not agree with you does not mean that they are the devil. It does not mean that they are the enemy, it does not mean that the devil is using them. Everybody is not going to agree with you. Sometimes a child or a young adult just wants to understand the logic behind something. I spend so much time teaching my daughter things and showing her things instead of just saying, do this, do that. I want her to know why I do something and why I want her to do something. I want her to have an understanding. As a pastor or preacher or leader, you need to sit your children down, sit your young adults down, and teenagers down, and tell them why. Tell them why you're so devoted to God. Tell them why you're in leadership. Tell them why you're the man or the woman that you are today. And by all means, when they're old enough, be transparent with them because some PKs see that perfect you. They see that perfect version of you in ministry, but they don't know what it took for you to get there. They don't know how you used to party and how you used to club, how you used to drink and smoking, or how you used to be this person and that person. They don't know what you went through. They don't know the things you've seen. And those things will help make them a better person. You have got to not only show them the goodness of God, but you got to show them the pre-error before Christ, the BC. They need to see what it took. And some parents are afraid to share that with their children because they think their children will choose that path. But I promise you, it'll be complete, it'll be the complete opposite. You know, I remember one time my mom shared something with me, and I don't want to put her business out there, but it has something to do with uh something that happened before she got married. And I remember when she shared it with me. I was in my this was this was years ago. This was many years ago, but I remember where we were, we were in the in the garage and she shared it with me, and she just told me. And it wasn't uh it wasn't a big reveal or guess what, I'm about to tell you something deep, son. It was just it was applicable to what she was talking about, and it was before she got married, and I was like, really? You I was I was you know, in my mind, I was shocked, but at the same time, I was like, She's a human. And I was so happy to hear that she was a human because uh so you know it's there are things that you you you begin to idolize uh in a way, you begin to idolize your parents if you're a PK. You you you begin to see them on this glorified pedestal, but her sharing that human thing with me made it so much more relatable and understandable. Um, and and if your child can't understand, you know, what you're trying to say, then make it more relatable to them because you can learn so much from a person's failures. I know people want to focus on the wins, but you learn so much more from the failures. As a matter of fact, failures teach you how to win. So, anyway, but that is just something that you know people should understand. And it's like we don't have to be in the military. Like, let your child, your teenager, your young adult ask questions. Let let a PK ask questions. Like, we have questions. We want to know why. We want to know how. We want to know when did this happen? And we want to know how do I deal with something. You know, when it's when it's so militarized, you're afraid. And and I felt this way growing up. I was afraid to tell my mom certain things because I didn't want her to look at me a certain way. You know, oh, you having thoughts about this, or you feeling this, and you know, I the Lord says in the Bible said, you know, I I love the Bible, but let me just tell you something. Let me just be honest with you. I learn more from people who can have a conversation with me without throwing in 30 scriptures than people who sit there and say, well, let's go to the word and and just you I get all of that. Like there's a time and place for let's go to the word. But as a parent of a PK, you wear multiple hats. Your child or your son, your daughters, they need to hear from you as a parent just as much as they hear from you as a pastor or a leader. Be their parent. And as a parent, you talk to them and you spend time time with them and have discussions with them in a normal way, without all the the hitting them over the head with the Bible and this, that, and the third. And let me go back to the the everything is the devil. Every, like I said, everything's not the devil. Some things are just normal behavior. As a PK, there are just certain things we feel and we go through. Some stuff doesn't need to be shoved down our throat. Don't force it, don't force it. Let your child make their own decisions. And I don't mean the decisions to go wild out of a neck of food. That's not what I'm talking about. But let your children form their own relationship with God. If you show them the way, they will see it. That's it. Period. What you instill in them, what you teach them. Them, it will not go away. I promise you. And this was something that happened to me. I remember one time in particular when I was in uh when I just started college, and um and when I started college, and I'm gonna probably do a whole episode uh on me in college because that's so much fun. So maybe that'll be in the next episode. But I remember one time in college where um I was trying to enjoy some things with some friends, and we were we were out, you know, we were doing our thing, whatever. We just chilling. And um, and then I heard um when I saw something being passed around, I heard my mother's voice. And it was like she was sitting there, she was like, Don't you dare, don't touch that, don't do that, don't do that. You know, it's like the things that as a PK, the things that your parents instill in you, whether you want to follow them or not, and I don't care what level you're on as a PK. You could be a PK who's in church every Sunday, or a PK who hadn't been to church in six years. It doesn't matter, you're still gonna hear and and feel the same things that you felt if it if it was instilled in you at a young age. Those same warnings, those same guidelines. So that's why it's important to hear those things. But don't force me. As a PK, don't force me, don't force me. Put it on the table, tell me how important it is, show me how it works, and then let me pick it up for myself. Don't throw it in my hands and duct tape it to my hands. Don't do me like that. Let me choose. So, and and and this is just a this is just a small uh, you know, just understanding, but just let can I be myself? So many PKs are asking that question. Can I just be myself? Like, sometimes I just wanna, or I just, you know, can I just be myself? You know, and if I make a mistake, are you gonna judge me? Are you gonna love me? Are you gonna guide me in the right direction? Are you gonna hit me over the head with the Bible? Like, as as I make mistakes, and I'm speaking from a PK' perspective, as I make mistakes, how will you react to it? Like, how are you going to treat me? Because I know you're my parent, and I know when I'm young, you have to discipline me, but when I'm older, how will you handle it? Will you choose to talk me through it in love? Or will you be combative towards me? Because the combative approach turns me away. As a PK, and I'm speaking for PKs around the world, the combative approach does not create the best outcomes. It's okay to be firm, it's okay to be real, it's okay to just lay it out there. But at the end, I need you to talk me through it. I just need you to talk me through it. That's it. I just need you to hold my hand and show me the way so I can make better decisions. Just because I'm your child does not mean I'm not gonna make mistakes. And that's something that parents need to understand of PKs. Your children are not, just because they're under that anointing, does not mean that they could not possibly stray or not make other decisions that are contrary to what you're teaching. But how will you handle it? Will you love on them? Will you help restore them? Or will you condemn them? Will you call them the devil? Will you cast them out? How will you make them feel? Because to be in the spotlight, because as a PK, you're in the spotlight. To be in the spotlight and to be banished or condemned is three times harder than to just be a regular child and make regular mistakes. It's difficult. So the last thing I'll add in this episode is as a PK, going through many of these things, and I've met tons of PKs over the years, but going through bad experiences in church, sometimes PKs will stray completely away. Like stop going to church or go join other churches or find themselves addicted to substances, um, living lives of you know, of all sorts of different details, things I won't even get into. Um, and then also having a sexual appetite. Like we've all seen those PKs who are sleeping or trying to sleep with everybody in the church, or outside of the church, we've seen it. And to be honest, this is the question: how much attention are they getting at home? How much love are they getting at home? If you are giving your child a high level of love and attention at home, then number one, that's gonna combat them having a sexual appetite. But number two, how many times, just like I said before, how many times have you just spent time with them to create a safe space to talk them through things? Like, I've met so many, like you, you, and many of you will listen to this and you'll understand what I'm saying. It's like when you feel like you can't talk to your parent, or if you feel like everything you do is wrong, or if you feel like you know you're just unseen and and misunderstood, then you find love and attention and care in other people's arms. Now you develop a sexual appetite. Now you're sleeping with people or you're going after people. But but let me speak specifically to the men who are PKs. When you're a young man growing up in church, and your your mother, your father's a leader, a pastor, uh, minister in the church, you are in the spotlight. And that anointing is usually flowing down on you. The anointing that comes from your parent is also flowing all down into you as well. So people look at you different. If you are a young man, those girls are looking at you and they saying, hey. They looking at you, you know, they if even especially if you have ever taught somewhere or you don't don't let you be a young preacher or musician. It's a rap. They see the leadership on you. They know that you come from good stock, quote unquote. They know that your parents are are good and they they look and they're they're so highly respected in the church. So now they look at you and they're like, you know what? I'm interested in him. I need a I need a boyfriend like him, or I need a man like him in my life, because they see you shining. It's it's something on you that makes you so attractive because you're illuminated. So there will be lots of attention to you, young man. A lot of there'll be a lot of eyes on you. They'll be watching you, and the girls will come. They'll be looking to find a place in your heart. But as a PK, will you have the integrity and will you have the wisdom to say no? Also, will you have the integrity to not entertain them all, but to only choose one. Because attention is a heck of a drug. Some people can't handle certain levels of attention, and this goes back to you know, parents, what you teach your children who are the PKs. You got to teach them how to handle that attention. You got to teach them not to get crazy when that attention comes. Because as a young man, you'll feel like, well, I gotta feed the streets, you know, they're hungry. But this is not your job to do. This is not for you to do. Only one. Don't make it sexual, don't make it anything physical. Make it all one thing. And that's if you're interested in a girl, let's just say there's five or six girls interested in you. If you're interested in if you like them all, don't talk to none of them. If you're interested in one, only talk to that one. Don't make it a habit to be extra kind and smiley. I'm telling you, fellas, don't be smiling and hugging and and kiki and ha ha with four or five different. You will be looked at as a flirt. You'll be looked at as something that you are not. So don't be nice to everybody, but don't be in everybody's face. Don't do that. Be careful with that. You got to be careful. When you get a lot of attention, you don't want that to, you don't want to be the you don't want to be misspoken about. So be careful who you give your attention to. Be nice to everyone. A handshake, maybe a church hug, and keep it moving. Whoever you are interested in, let that person be your focus. Let that be the one woman you date and the one woman that you spend your time with. And I am here to tell you, fellas, women will compete for your heart in the church. They will compete. They don't care if you're talking to the girl in the blue dress, the girl in the red dress will see it as an opportunity to try to pull you away because they feel like you're a good man. So let me just tell you that. Be careful. There will be strife and division. Why? Because the church is a hospital. Everybody is there for a reason. And just know that people, some of the people have the best intentions, but they will drag you down like an anchor into the bottom of the ocean. Now, let me talk about the flip side, fellas. Because some of y'all just go chasing after these girls and these women, and they not even doing nothing. They just minding their own business. That's right, ladies. I got your back too. So some of y'all, y'all are PKs, and you out here eyeballing these women, and you feel like you can just go talk to whoever you want for as long as you want. You got a girlfriend, a chick on the side, or you got a wife and a chick on the side. It's it's so ridiculous. Nobody ever taught you how to be a man, huh? That's not man behavior. That's not behavior of a boy either. As a young man or as a grown man, this is something that your parents should have taught you a long time ago. Is that just because there's a buffet in front of you doesn't mean that you have to eat everything. Take a plate and get one meal and go sit down. So I'm not saying to try all the women, not at all. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying to you fellas is that leave the women alone and let them focus on their relationship with God. Because some of y'all are impeding and destroying their relationship with Christ. They up there trying to worship, get free, healed, delivered. They're interceding for their families. Some of these girls are trying to, they're trying to get their education. They're praying for this, that, and the third. And here you come trying to get them out their clothes. Yeah, you. Some of y'all don't mean no good, but you trying to get them out their clothes. How disrespectful is that? And you're supposed to be a PK. And this is why we have such a bad reputation. It has to be a level of integrity and wisdom that comes with being a PK. When you're a PK, it's your job to have a certain level of integrity and a certain level of wisdom. Don't contribute to the problem. Eradicate the problem. It's up to you, fellas. You have got to set the example to the women, to the ladies who are PKs. Ladies, no matter what you've been through or what you have seen and experienced, if there was ever, and I mean ever, because I've seen this too, if there was ever any sort of sexual abuse in your home, tell somebody. Tell somebody. If anybody ever tried you in that way, tell somebody. Don't feel like you're obligated to protect the reputation of your parent who may be SA in you. Don't ever feel like that. You're not obligated. If something is happening to you, little girl or grown woman, you tell somebody, don't ever let that persist. That is not of God. That is not what he wants for you, and nothing in the word could ever justify that. Be protected and be safe. And to the ladies who are growing up as PKs, and you are in a good home, but for some reason, you just have an appetite for the boys or for the men. Let me tell you something. It's not worth it. It's just not. Just like I told the fellas, have integrity and have wisdom. The attention that you're getting, I know it feels good, but just know that your body is so much more important than just moments of sexual gratification. Respect yourself, respect who you are, and respect your heart. I promise you, there's so much more to experience. To the young ladies who will listen to this, there's so much more to experience than just sexual things. And I promise you this just because it looks right and it sounds right, does not mean it is right. Take your time, take your time and be careful. Y'all, I have some stories to tell, but I'm gonna be extra transparent and tell y'all some of the bad stuff as well as the good stuff. Because I feel like I got some stories that you really want to hear. And I got some stuff that I ain't never told nobody, but I'm gonna share it on this pod. So I want you to stay tuned because I'm gonna end this episode here. But there's a lot more coming. Thank you for being a listener, and I hope and I pray that this blesses you today.