Episode 5 - Grace Graber

My conversation with the one and only Grace Graber! We talk about her early years  experiencing bullying and trauma, and how that has shaped her mission to address mental health. We also talk about her new Punk X Praise project and her new AccessMore show "Breaking Through with Grace Graber"! Finally, we talked about the amazing K-LOVE coffee shop (yay!!), her obsession with (now her manager) Adam Agee, her Hawk Nelson & Stellar Kart obsession... and other stuff. This one was fun!

You can find Breaking Through with Grace Graber here!!

https://www.accessmore.com/pd/Breaking-Through-with-Grace-Graber-VIDEO

The 10. (In no particular order, Just listen to them all!)  Grace Graber

   1.     Grace Graber

   2.    Micah Christopher

   3.    Alex Jude

  4.    Jolie Wing

  5.    The Arcadian Wild

  6.    Dasher

  7.    Bellsburg Sessions

  8.   Skye Peterson

  9.   Grace Runkle

 10.  Amanda Nolan 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The Rest the Podcast. Episode 5. And hello, welcome to the June version of the Rest the Podcast. Thank you for listening. Really excited about this one. This time around, I'm talking with Grace Graeber. She's an artist who's using her music to have some really honest conversations about faith, identity, and mental health. Recorded this interview in mid-April. It was just days. I mean like about four days after she released her Punk Time Sprays project. And a few weeks before she announced her new Access More show, Breaking Through with Grace Graber. Grace Graber fills up a room with her personality, passion, and strong faith. And I'm really glad you get to sit in on our conversation. So here we go. The rest. A week ago.

SPEAKER_04 0:56

No, not even a week ago. Literally like four or five days ago, I just dropped punk times praise.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Yeah, that just came out. So and we didn't schedule this that way. It wasn't, it wasn't.

SPEAKER_04 1:07

This wasn't part of the press thing. I did a whole press day on that Wednesday before.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 1:12

Seven interviews. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And you know what sucked was I couldn't talk about what was happening next in my life. They go, so what's next? And it was like, oh, yeah, that was gonna be a question. I didn't realize I was gonna I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

That's it does get weird when you can't you can't when you you have a next thing, you have a big next thing, but we're not there yet. It's there.

SPEAKER_04 1:37

It's fine. I need a little torture sometimes, a little patience, a little lesson learning.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Yeah, I don't know. I understand stress. I've been through a lot of it, but but but I and I understand that there is a certain amount that's that they say. I'm not I don't know. I'm still trying to figure this one out that they say is good for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:55

I could who no stress is not good for you. It causes all sorts of like health issues, it causes mental health issues. I mean, like, yeah, you know, we're we should probably go for a run. I think that's like what they mean by healthy stress. It's like pretending you're being r like running away from a lion for like 10 minutes. But I don't think we're supposed to like be living in crippled, no, unlimited stress of the economy of what am I gonna wear tomorrow?

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:30

You know, like I don't think this is healthy for us.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

I don't I don't work, I don't worry too much about what am I gonna wear tomorrow. It's usually um I do. I know you do, you do, and I understand that. But with me, it's like, well, what's in the closet? I'll just what's the which t shirt?

SPEAKER_04 2:47

Jim, what's in the closet?

SPEAKER_00 2:48

I work I work I work from home a lot, you know. So it's like I'm not dressing to impress. Do I wear blue today or white? Yeah, unless I have a Teams call and then it's like, well, okay, I'll put a nice shirt on. The project just came out. Punk Times Praise. Okay, can I tell you? Can I can I get it right? I'm 64 and I just want to get it right and feel like I've got to be.

SPEAKER_04 3:09

Can I tell you it was supposed to be called Punk Goes Praise, but there's a trademark on the the punk goes series. Okay. So in the secular music realm, there is a series called like punk goes pop. Punk goes there is right? Well, it was supposed to be punk goes praise because Josiah, the man who produced it, he came up with that idea. I go to check trademarks because of another reason. And I just was like, oh, I wonder if I need to be weary of, and I'm so glad I did because I would have gotten a seasoned assist that I found out. Um, and I immediately went to my team and I was like, I can't call it what we've been calling it for months now. What do I call it? And my uh AR with wings, Daniel Jones, was like, punk time sprays, come on. Like, just take out the goes, like, you know, and it's like, okay, it doesn't fall off the tongue as well, but like it kind of looks cool.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

So yeah, yeah. Yeah, punk time sprays. Uh sounds good to me. Sounds good to me.

SPEAKER_04 4:11

They say times, timing is everything, so yeah, think of the times.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:16

Punk, it's time for praise.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

It's punk time. Uh, my son was in a punk band and uh loved to go to shows when he was, you know, like 15, 14. And you know, I I would take him to these shows, and a lot of times I would stand in the back, you know, because I didn't want to get beat up. Yeah, you know, you know, you get in the middle of that stuff and something I love crowd surfing.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

I'll do it all day.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

But um, so I I honestly probably know a little bit more than I should about punk some punk bands because I've probably I've been to a few of those shows.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

But don't quiz me because I know nothing about it.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

I won't. I won't quiz you. Please don't quiz me. You know how to make it sound good.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

Praise God. I hate I learned from the best. I was so I was a revolve tour girl. Whenever so there's a lot of like Christian rock bands that are coming up right now, and they'll like start talking to me about bands I've never heard of, and I just have to pause them. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Before you get into trying to bond with me over this genre, I was a revolve tour girl, which means pop punk to me was standing in the front row of a huge stadium in front of a boy band in Christian music and screaming my head off. That's what I think punk is.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

Is like, you know, teeny bopper girl boy bands. Like these bands that I love that I would consider punk, they're not punk. Like it's pop punk. It's pop punk. Right. And so it was like Hawk Nelson was huge for me. Obviously, they're a huge part of my story. But then like Stellar Cart was the band that came after them at the Revolve Tour. And that that was like in my head, that is like punk. Like that out that pink album, punk. And then Reliant K and Run Kid Run. I started like really deep diving into these boy bands, they're technically boy bands in Christian music, but I am like, yeah, that's so punk. So when I what I am doing is not a reflection of Green Day, or I just found out about panic at the disco. I almost said disco at the panic, and that would have been so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

That's what I would say. That's how badly I would be true.

SPEAKER_04 6:30

Um, but I am like currently learning about it and I'm going, oh, they sound like Hock Nelson. Oh, they sound like, oh wait, no, Hawk Nelson sounds like them. Oh, okay. I'm getting it now, but in my head, like I only ever knew the Christian reference because I'm a teenage girl. I wasn't like, you know, in the mosh pit. I was at a pink girl-themed tour talking about how boys are like waffles and girls are like spaghetti, you know. Like oh my gosh. So I was a revolved tour girl, and so punk to me is very different.

SPEAKER_00 7:08

Yeah. It's also just a genre of music, too. I I say just yeah. It's a genre. It's it's a style.

SPEAKER_04 7:14

And pop punk, you can do any Hannah Montana is pop punk. Let's just really get that straight.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

If you get the guitar sounding just right.

SPEAKER_04 7:23

Yeah, it's then it's punk. Like, like that's that's I and people would argue that, but you know what? I stand on I stand on the hill. I'll die on that. All right, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

That's good. Let's talk about your your music journey.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

And where that started. You told me that you used to go to the Revolve Tour. I remember those. Where'd you grow up?

SPEAKER_04 7:42

I grew up in Hillsburg, California, and I was the only pastor's kid in town.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

You were the only pastor's kid in town.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

In Hillsburg, California.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 7:50

There were like there was some other um churches and they had pastors' kids, but they all lived in different towns, and we lived directly in the heart of Hillsburg, which for those who do know what Hillsburg it is, is like a huge tourist town in wine country.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

Um, and it's tiny. It's when I say huge, it's huge as in like people travel from all over the world. So it's huge tourist town. Um, so we only had like 10 people who went to the church that I grew up in because there was no consistent community. Like everyone either w worked for the wineries or was a tourist. There was no like just regular. I guess my dad works at a paint store still in Healdsburg, and like there were regular jobs. I shouldn't have said that. But but that's to say, like, typically in Healdsburg, everything's around wine. And um, and my parents just didn't do that. They don't drink, they don't do anything like that. So me being a pastor as a kid in town was super taboo, no one understood it. And so when I was in middle school, I would start, I was started verbally, like I would get bullied and questioned for my faith, and then it turned violent. I would started getting followed. I lived down the street from Healdsburg Middle School, and the girls would follow me home and jump me and try to jump me. And um, it became physically unsafe for me to go to that school, and my parents took me out, tried the town over that all some of my friends went to, and then it spread on my space, and it became that was my first uh ever experience with PTSD was getting to a school, hearing people talking about beating people up and going into a straight panic attack, and then um and the school counselors did not handle this well because like it was unsafe because people had heard about me, so they knew what happened to me, and they would start pulling in these bullies into the room trying to talk to me. It was very traumatizing. And my my parents just realized that was not good for me, and it was unsafe for me to go to any school in the area with the knowledge of what happened to me being on my space at the time. That was the only social media outlet so my space. Um, so yeah, I I got I went from all of that to peer isolation. I'd always believed in Jesus, but like I didn't understand why people I didn't have any friends, I just never had any friends growing up. And my parents didn't know what to do. They're like, we need to like socialize her and we need to help her. And so they take me to Christian rock concerts, like the youth group concerts, and I'd have all these, like Jordan Feliz's old band, a current affair, like would pass through town. This band sleep for sleepers. I love them. Like they'd all play these concerts, and like I had never felt more like I belonged anywhere else than these shows with these people who didn't know me, but loved me so well, and the people who knew me wanted to hurt me. And I was trying to wrap my head, like you're 12 years old trying to wrap your head around like, why don't people like me? Well, these people like me. Man, do I have a place in this realm? And like I started dreaming of writing my own songs, and I started doing that. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:12

And but that all set the groundwork for when I became suicidal, because my parents like would take me to try to help me make friends, and then you know, they take me to Revolve to where I get to know this band I became obsessed with. I still have Hawk Nelson stuff in here all over the place. Um, I became obsessed with Hawk Nelson, and so when my brain and my chemicals in my brain were out of whack and I became suicidal, the Lord had everything teed up that night to stop me from taking my own life because all the groundwork was laid. I knew where I belonged, I knew who I was loved by, and so right at the right moment, those lyrics popped into my brain brain and stopped me from taking my own life and and sang me to sleep that night. And and like it's really cool now being like we're like a couple days out from Punk Times Praise, and I'm coming up on big major anniversaries. I ended up like at 16, ended up sharing my testimony with Hawk Nelson and singing with them, and like tomorrow is the anniversary of that. And I just released this Punk Times Praise album that I feel like is no one's doing that um in Christian music, and like how crazy that all of this has happened, and now I get to live this legacy, and like the people in my life right now are literal heroes and helping me do it. Yeah, I don't think that is coincidence at all. I I will preach it from the rooftop. Some of part of me is like, should I stop talking about how obsessed I was with Hawk Nelson? But also, like, it's like, no, I'm not going to water that down because it's just proof of um, it's proof of God's faithfulness. And we can talk about this. Adam A. G.'s been helping me. And I was obsessed with Stellar Cart. They were second, second favorite band. He I joke that he was my second favorite member of my second favorite band. So, um, first favorite manager. But um, he's been helping me a ton in this season. God bless him, he's not afraid of me, like fangirling all the time. But it's like I we it's so cool to watch him watch all of this and see it from that other perspective of this isn't a coincidence, this is happening. And he's jumping in and helping. And and that experiencing it now with someone else has just been the m wildest experience. Yeah. On top of that.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

I'm gonna play. I'm gonna play.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

How old were you when all that stuff was happening? Twelve. You were twelve years old.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

I was twelve. And I and I was officially diagnosed with PTSD at 13.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 14:22

And then 16 is when I sang with Hawk Nelson. And then it's just it just continues to Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

I didn't know who I was. You're growing at that point. You're starting to things are changing in your mind, in your body, and everything. And it's like, wow, the last thing you need is you know, is is that when you're when you're already trying to figure the world out and life out, it's like, what in the world?

SPEAKER_04 14:49

Well then, Jim, after all that happened, because I knew my identity was in Christ, I always knew that. And then having been saved by Christian rock, I knew I wanted my up my place there. But you can imagine the identity crisis I had when I was in college and I was told I'd never make it when I didn't make the worship team. And then I meet my husband, and we run off and get married, and I was in then I was in a car accident and I couldn't play guitar for a couple years. There was this huge identity crisis of like, oh my gosh, I'm never gonna get that. And I had to like be okay with that, and then now the reason why I'm like, I think another reason why I preach it from I scream it from the rooftops and I could give two rips what people thought is because I've been without it before. And I've I've learned that my identity is not in this. There's a I listened to like this podcast the other day, and Harry Stiles was talking about a ceiling of satisfaction he has with his art. Like he there's always a ceiling of satisfaction. He will never be able to let it, it's never gonna satisfy him deeply.

unknown 16:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 16:01

And so I've learned that over the years with all of this, is like there is a ceiling to my satisfaction with how this is going to deeply fulfill me. But guess what? Like, that means I know my deep fulfillment, my identity in Christ, and I know who I am. All of this are just like charms on the bracelet, you know, it's just charm, like I know I'm a bracelet, everything else is just a charm.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

So that's so cool. Let's talk about when you started making your own music.

SPEAKER_04 16:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:32

Because yes, you were you were a uh a fangirl, you were you were obsessed. When when did you start actually making your own music?

SPEAKER_04 16:41

Well, so we were in that car accident.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

I got a job at the front desk of the spa downtown Portland, and I became obsessed with the aestheticians that worked there. I loved aesthetics, and once we got paid out for the car accident, like it took a couple years, uh TJ kind of proposed to me, what if we lived off the car accident money and you went back to school? We get to go to beauty school, and we will start our careers. And so I'm like, Yeah, I'll go start my career as an aesthetician. That's great. The first month being in beauty school, we went to this concert and it was a From Indian Lakes concert, and From India Lakes was one of the bands that I'd always see growing up, so it was super nostalgic for me. Okay. And around that time, I was like super healthy. I was like finally found my footing, and I'm at this concert, and we run into one of TJ's co-workers who's not a believer, and he goes, Why aren't you making music anymore? I'm like, uh, this happened, this happened, this happened, this happened. It was fun. It's a great testimony. And I really felt like the completion of my testimony was singing with Hawk Nelson. I really thought like it was like they saved my life. I got to sing with them. I I legit thought the story was done. And he goes, BS. He does he actually said the actual words, but BS. And I was like, What? He goes, BS, those are all excuses. If you wanted to do it, you would do it. And I was like, I'm like, uh I didn't realize the power was not in someone else allowing me to do it, but in me allowing myself to do it. And so I started covering things on SoundCloud. I started doing things again, and then I graduated and I felt the Lord say, Hey, I'm establishing this career so you can pursue music. I'm like, what does a spa have to do with songs? That's weird. And uh ended up starting, and the company put out a nationwide songwriting contest and I won a trip to Nashville and then I built my portfolio in SoundCloud, so I had these little cards to pass around saying, like, hey, check me out. And in that, I ended up DMing a couple people I grew up listening to, and one of them asked me for coffee, and we went out and we got coffee, and he ended up being a producer, and I told him my Hawk Nelson story, and he said, Do you realize like how marketable that is? Like, that is that is could be used for something. He ended up pursuing me after asking if he could pr like produce my first project. I ended up getting back from that trip and I got a job at Old Navy. I got a job, I was not only working as an esthetician, but I asked to work the front desk as well. So I was stalking at Old Navy in the morning, like from like 3 a.m. to like whatever. Then I was going and I was um working the front desk to like one, and then I worked from one to close as an esthetician. And um I worked like three jobs for until COVID happened, and um, and I saved up all the money to work with this producer. And so I started releasing music and um I feel like it was a great stepping stone for me. It was a really good, it was really nice to be believed in in order for me to actually like get into the mindset. And something I learned in that season is I'm really good at marketing myself. I'm really good at like social media, I'm really good at just being loud. I've been good at being loud my entire life. Um, I I just used, I was like, okay, if I'm good at being loud, I'm just gonna be loud. I'm just gonna fight the noise on everyone else. And I started releasing the songs that me um and my producer created and I was just loud online. And he had people asking what label I was with, and he was like, She's not with a label, what are you talking about? And then people I had people reaching out to me asking me who was doing my marketing, and I was like, I don't even know what marketing is. I had people offer me jobs in marketing, okay, and I was like, I I don't know what you're talking about, and they're like, Well, you're doing it, so like, congratulations. Um, so I just started being loud, marketing myself, visuals. I went to school for videography, so visuals are really important to me. Um, and I just like used every ounce of how I could visually tell the story of the song, and I dropped my first project, and it was debilitating for me. It was so hard to suddenly go from no one knows me to everyone is interested or watching, like, and I didn't have a huge following. I'm not talking about everyone, I'm just talking about the industry suddenly had eyes on me. And I love that project. I think that project was good to like step me into a step me into a place, but I became really um depressed and unsatisfied because I thought that was gonna satisfy me and it did not, and so I went back on medication, and then from there my song conversation was written, and the conversation I showed to And he was like, Why aren't you doing everything with this theme of mental health and your story? Also, when we made it, it was more alternative. So he's like, Why aren't you pursuing that either? So it was that was like the beginning of okay, something really cool came out of that project because I had to see that I would never be satisfied by music in order to now pursue a genre and a theme that isn't wide widely like pursued, especially at the time. No one was talking about mental health at that time.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

I'm so thankful that a lot more people are, people like you, and that it's now a conversation that we can just sit here and have. Whereas not that long ago, to sit down and have a conversation about mental health was like, why do you want to talk about that?

SPEAKER_04 22:49

I literally I would sit in the meetings, gym, and they would be like, if you want to talk about that, it's not gonna work here.

SPEAKER_01 22:56

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:57

Like and and I would show them like the genre and they'd be like, ooh, like that's gonna ruin your chances on being at K Love. Ha ha ha. Uh-huh. You know, um, like that's gonna ruin your chances of anyone supporting you in that building. And it was like, oh, I feel called to this. This doesn't make sense. Like, and I then of course went deeper into the depression and and then ultimately that turned into anger, which t turned into I don't need anyone, which turned into a season of I'm gonna do it on my own and I'm gonna show you, and I'm gonna I'm mad at the industry. And now, as my life has changed drastically within the last year, yeah, I see it as I'm so glad I went through that, so that I learned I learned that I could do it on my own, but oh my gosh, like I'm glad I went through that so I could have so many, so much grace for people who are called to this art because it will totally harden your heart and it will get you to question your identity. Our identity is only supposed to be found within God and ourselves, and we're the only ones who can create safe places.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

You talked about being loud. Yeah. And and understanding who you are and what you are.

SPEAKER_04 24:16

Oh, be loud! I don't know what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 24:19

But but um and some people would look at that and go, I'm I'm loud, I need to learn to be quieter.

SPEAKER_04 24:25

Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

I need to be quiet because people say, Oh, you're you're loud, or loud is I'm too much, go get less. Loud isn't gonna get me anywhere. I need to learn to be quieter. But and but what I've just in my own life, and I think in your life too, is that it you obviously you're who you are, you're made the way you are because God made you that way. So everything about you, everything about me, and anything that I have a hang up about, and I'm like, why am I not this? Why am I not that? At some point, man, you you hopefully realize that wait a minute, God made me this way. So what do I do with how he made me? Let's take what he made and let's figure out how what I'm supposed to be doing with this. And I think that you're loud because you're supposed to be loud. Yeah, you are. And that doesn't make it e it doesn't mean you figure it all out, you bang against walls and you figure things out along the way.

SPEAKER_04 25:25

But I think it'd be different if I was loud and not doing anything.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Yeah. You were if you were loud but afraid to talk to me.

SPEAKER_04 25:31

That's obnoxious.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

Yeah. That'd be really weird. That'd be weird. But you are so easy to talk to.

SPEAKER_04 25:36

Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

And and it's okay, it's okay. You're loud because God has a use for that loudness.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

The love of God has got me clean, no old spies. That desert I was in was deep, so dry. And now I'm out here feeling free, so dry. I'm chilling in the shade. Life give me some lemons, but my Jesus keep me making a lemonade.

SPEAKER_04 26:01

There's a lot of mental health things that I'm working on that I have that have just helped me pursue my own healing. And I'm in a place where I feel so secure and safe and in myself.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

And let's go ahead and talk about that. A lot more people than we realize deal with some angle or aspect of their mental health at some point in their life, and so uh myself included, so it's important to just acknowledge that everybody has things, maybe not not to the extent of your story, but um so I'd love to know what what are you doing for raising awareness.

SPEAKER_04 26:46

I'm having conversations.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Yeah. I'm From the stage you talk about it.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

From the stage I do that. Sitting down, having conversations, I'm getting very public with what happened to me as a kid. And I'm getting really I and really deep into conversations that are very triggering. And um it's been good for me. It's been terrifying, but it's been good. And so I'm trying to be I'm trying to figure out because all these punk covers are great, but like online, I need people to understand I chose life and not death, and um, so we're we're creating something right now that is going to be a lot more longer form content that will help me talk about that more, which will help me kind of blend the brand of this really cool pop punk thing that's happening, and then blend br blend the brand of the mental health aspect. I think that's so like the Lord for him to like give favor to both things at the same time. And it gives me peace because honestly, if I didn't have the mental health thing that I'm working on right now, I would feel like a fraud doing just the covers. And I'd be like, people are gonna think I'm a cover artist forever and I'm gonna be locked in. And I don't feel like that because I have an outlet that I get to do the purpose in the story, and that's coming.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:14

And then can you believe like the Lord just opened up doors for me to reach a lot of people, and then my next for my next act, I I'm going to be sharing really deep, vulnerable things, and it's gonna reach all those people.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:30

Just getting warmed up.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Yeah, it's just kind of and it is interesting how the two are happening at the same time. The two are happening at the same time, and it's it's you certainly didn't. I mean, you're really good at doing things, but you didn't orchestrate that.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

I haven't planned any of this. Let me tell you something. Yeah, I'm a control freak. And um, I learned that as soon as Adam got involved and was starting to help me on things, and I realized he'd be like, oh, and I'd be like, Oh, yeah, I didn't realize I was a control freak. Um, and I've started to let go and trust, and the more I've done that, I will tell you the last three months didn't plan any of it. Yeah, didn't plan, I didn't plan to be triggered that week. I didn't plan to I couldn't have planned any of this, and it's a testimony.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

I'm glad that that we literally bumped into each other walking into the coffee shop one day, then it was like, oh, and I didn't expect that to happen that day. So it was that's but the reason we bumped into each other was because we were in the same building.

SPEAKER_04 29:30

We were at K Love's rip off the band-aid.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

We were we were over there at the big K Kla and I wouldn't I don't even know if I can actually say K Love on my podcast. I guess I can say K Love on my podcast.

SPEAKER_04 29:41

You can say K Love, it just gives them I love them, I love them. Yeah, yeah, you can say that. I work for them. This isn't a K Love podcast, it's not but but just preface that.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

Well we walked into the coffee shop together over the building, and you were like I'm like, wow, what are you doing here?

SPEAKER_04 30:03

I looked at you and went, Well, they gave me a show. They let they let me in the building.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

Yeah, I'm amazed they let me in the building.

SPEAKER_04 30:13

Um I'm honestly I'm amazed that the people, anyone who gets into that building because it's like the holiest place in Franklin. No, sorry, that's Ramsay's.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

That's Dave Ramsey. That's Dave, he's just down the street.

SPEAKER_04 30:28

We're the second holy, we're the the the like you know, how the the tat like what the tabernacle had the holiest of holies and then like yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

Yeah, this is uh a couple curtains out. The Caleb's and actually just getting in the coffee shop is like about three or four curtains out completely. You can come into the coffee shop.

SPEAKER_04 30:47

The coffee shop is like it's like the the beginning of the portal to Christian Disneyland.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

So then you have to get past that.

SPEAKER_04 30:56

They do know that I'll come in and cause chaos. Well, because apparently you can hear me straight across a floor of a building when I laugh now. So Steve Shore, shout out Steve Shore, he always comes and finds me, and he'll be like, I just heard you straight across this building. Like, and it's the best thing ever. I I love I love being over there. I love the team. I'm a part of the Access More team, and I love that team. And I love I love the radio team. I had I was fortunate to get interviewed by um them, and and that's what opened this door um for um what I'm working on with Access More.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

And I think it's exciting. I mean, it I think it's so awesome that and it makes total sense that they wrangled you in there. Thanks God.

SPEAKER_04 31:47

I you have to understand, I was always told I never belonged there. I was always told I was like, I was way too rock and roll. Like my testimony being talking so openly about trauma and what happened to me as a kid. I was told by agents, like record agents, that is gonna limit you. And now I'm unlimited.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Well, and you know, a big part of that too is them um expanding yeah, expanding what they see as the important thing to be doing beyond as if K Love isn't big enough, um beyond K Love and Air One to go to good source and access access more.

SPEAKER_04 32:28

Access more, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:29

And um, and it's there's things happening there that are like, well, these are new things that we believe we're supposed to be doing, but we don't have it all figured out yet, but we're heading in those directions because we feel like this is what we need to be doing.

SPEAKER_04 32:42

So they're passionate about Gen Z over there.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Yeah, they are.

SPEAKER_04 32:46

They're passionate, and and I am so fortunate to be a part of them getting passionate about Gen Z. I like I it really is such an honor, and so um I will carry that and I will steward it as well as I can.

SPEAKER_00 33:04

What's the name of the podcast?

SPEAKER_04 33:05

Breaking through with Grace Graber.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

There you go.

SPEAKER_04 33:08

Boo Rick It's red.

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Mm-hmm. Did you have a theme song?

SPEAKER_04 33:11

Oh yeah, we made a theme song. Me and Blake. I'm glad to hear that. We made a theme song. Um and they made me a set.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

Yeah. It's checkered. That's pretty cool. Now there's a big surprise.

SPEAKER_04 33:24

Honestly, for as much hate as I get on my videos about checkered being a part of like mesionic like practices, like the Freemasonry, like I'm shocked they let me have a checkered set.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Because obviously you Grace are heavily into Masonic uh I mean, is it right? It's like you stay up late at night.

SPEAKER_04 33:44

No, you don't you don't even these are anointed checkers.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 33:48

They're anointed, they're um they've repented and they are holy.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Yeah, I mean, we have you told me the first time we sat down and talked. I guess I'm doing this thing.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

And I'm sharing my trauma publicly, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

So that's huge.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

I don't I think it's bigger. I we're talking now. I think it's bigger than I realized. I got a like a glimpse at like the first minute about a month ago and just started bawling. They had to stop it. It is a full video broadcast, it is a TV show practically. Its own set, its own guests. I don't want to listen to my and I'm talking about topics that I genuinely feel so unqualified to talk about. I and I'm just blabbing. I'm just blabbering.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

I do public affairs for a living. I I talk to people about topics that I don't really know about, and I have to make myself sound like I know everything about them.

SPEAKER_04 34:41

But I always come away from those having learned so much because I'm I know and and and and and it has motivated me to go and there have been episodes where I'm like, I still have a lot of trauma around this and I need to go get help. And I went and got help, and I'm I'm like, I feel like a completely different person from the day I started that podcast to now because I've done the I've literally have been convicted and gone, I should probably go get that checked out.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

Well, I think what you're gonna find, uh, and this is just speaking from my experience, is that I'll go into something like that and I'll be like, I don't, I don't even know if I sounded like I think I blew that one up. I think I messed it up, and go back and I edit my own stuff. I do the pre-edits and send it into the production people. And I'll go back and listen to those, and it'll be like, by the grace of God, the person I interviewed and spoke to, they did know what they were talking about. And so it actually we'll see. I it actually worked. Is Adam your first manager?

SPEAKER_04 36:07

I had a manager in the past.

SPEAKER_00 36:09

You had a manager in the past, but Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

It did not work out.

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Adam is now he is your manager.

SPEAKER_04 36:17

So you so what you're telling me, Jim, is you would like to talk about Adam?

SPEAKER_00 36:20

I want to talk about Adam Agey.

SPEAKER_04 36:22

Okay. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Because you've told me a lot about him and I think, well, it's it's worth talking about.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

Okay, let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yeah. So how in the world did you two connect? Uh I will obviously you're a Stellar Card fan, so there's that.

SPEAKER_04 36:40

I was obsessed. And I will tell you something. I had friends who like would tour with Adam and then tell me, and I would cry because like Adam was always someone I wanted so badly to like work with in town. Like since I moved here, he was like top of the list, but he was always in these big bands, and like I was always like this tiny artist, so I thought he would never give me the time of day. So, but when I tell you, people would send me photos of them with him, and I'd be like, You can't do this to me. Like, this sucks. Like, he was always him and Jason Dunn were like really like I was like, if I could work with anyone, it'd be those two because I know Adam was still active in music. And Jason, like, I was obsessed. So, um, but I always wanted to work with him, and um, a lot of people in the industry know that they knew that. So one day I'm in my car, um, and I get this FaceTime call from my friend named Jake from New Release Today. He does like video and photo for concerts, and he he'd be one of those people who'd always send me pictures of Adam when he was out on the road with him and brag about like knowing Adam. Well, I get this FaceTime call, I open it up, and it's him, it's Adam. And I just start screaming. I'm like, oh my god. And TJ's driving, so he's like, oh my god, great, stop, stop, stop, stop. Um, and uh, I'm like freaking out. And at that time, it was like there were so many cool things happening, and so I didn't know what to do or say. I just started saying all the cool things that were happening in my life currently in the moment. And they were like, Whoa, okay, that's crazy, that's cool. And like it was like, it's so nice to meet you. I had no idea he lived in my town that I live in. So then Jake was like, Yeah, you didn't know he lived in Franklin, and was like, No, I didn't, I would have reached out a lot. I don't know why I thought he lived in Texas, godly. Um, but I uh so I ended up DMing him and just saying, I would love to grab coffee. And he said, Let's do it. So we went and we grabbed coffee. So let me tell you, my cat died, so I canceled every meeting on my calendar that week, which I had three different meetings with three different managers. And I canceled all of those meetings, but I didn't cancel my meeting with Adam because I wanted to meet Adam from Stellar Cart.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

Because at that point, were you thinking in terms of Adam being a manager, it was just Adam?

SPEAKER_04 38:58

No, no, no, no. It was just Adam. I just wanted, I was obsessed. I wanted to meet him, and like he had just gone through this really rough season in his life, so I was kind of nosy and I really wanted to know some things. And um, and so we sat down and I just explained everything I was doing, and I was I apologized because my cat died, so I was totally just just obsessive thoughts of like I've got to do this, I've got to do that, I've got to and he just paused me and he's like, Who's who's helping you with all this? And I was like, no one. And I'm trying to find someone and I can't find a good fit and I don't know what to do. And he kind of just like leaned back and was like, huh. And I was like, Why? You thinking about getting a management? He was like, think about it. And I was like, Oh, oh, I said I would pee myself. Like I like literally was like, I would pee myself. And he was like, just keep talking. He just we kept talking and and eventually we ended up in my car listening to demos, and and he was providing feedback, and he was just like, I don't know if I can do this because I've never done it before. And I paused him, I said, I did not come here to ask you to manage me. I came here to ask you to be my big brother.

SPEAKER_02 40:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:10

And he said, I can do that.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:13

And um, so then it turned into like literally, I think we like texted every single day after that. Just like it'd be like, I wrote this song, what do you think? Or him going, like, I wrote this song, what do you think? And or I would I had meetings with those managers eventually, and I was like, I don't feel like I'm finding a good fit. And he was mentoring me. He was going, Okay, well, this is what you're gonna look for. This is what you need, this is what you and the more we kind of talked daily, the more it was like I like this idea, but I'm scared because of his history with the bands he's been in, and um people always jokingly say he ruins everything.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

Oh my lord.

SPEAKER_04 40:56

You know what I mean? Like, I I'm just like thinking, and then I just started my partnership with this major corporation, and I didn't want to ruin that. And I was like, I don't know how I feel about this. And also I'm getting attention from a hero, and that is like, what the heck? Like, I'm trying to process that in the meantime. Um, so like basically that was in November, uh, December came along, we started writing together, and it was like, oh gosh, we write really good songs together. And uh basically took a break between like Christmas and New Year's, and I ended up running into him New Year's Eve at Costco with TJ. Got to meet his wife, like like it was just like one of those things where it was like, are you thinking about it? Because I'm thinking about it. And um ended up sitting with him like the first week of j uh January, and and it was like okay, uh, I don't hate this idea. I'm scared, but I don't hate this idea. What's it gonna take? And he said, No, I'll do it for free. I'm like, what? He's like, no, I don't need anything from you. You need help and I have time, and why not? Let's try it. And so for the last three, four months, he has been not paying getting a paycheck from me by any means, but has been just so and like literally when he started, everything else started. Like I had my first big week um doing a really big thing, and um, and then I had a music release that week too. So he started full guns blazing, like I needed help, and I also didn't realize like how mentally sick I was at that time. Like I needed help, but also there was a lot I had kind of pushed back that I hadn't worked on. And um honestly, once he kind of came along and the more he started helping, the more I was like relinquishing, like, okay, I can trust him with that. I ended up getting like blessings from people for him to manage me and including them in on it. And it was like it was like the more I started letting go and I learned I could trust him as like a manager role, the more I was like, Oh, I need to go get help. Like, I haven't worked on this or worked on that. And so I was able to like hand things to him and go, I'm trusting you with this. Yeah, and then he's he he made it possible for me to like go and get the therapy I needed in this season while working on these really big things, and and now it's just turned into like such a beautiful partnership of mentorship, we're writing a lot of songs together, we're having fun, and it's been really cool to watch him like find joy after that happened.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Yeah, I I agree. I think I think what I'm hearing, you know, we we can talk all day about how God orchestrates things.

SPEAKER_04 43:49

It's not a coincidence.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

No, it's not a coincidence, it's it's absolutely orchestrated by by God. It's like, well, guess what? You're helping him because he's like, I've got time. Didn't plan on this time being here. I had the plans. There were other things.

SPEAKER_04 44:06

I don't think he planned on adopting, like, basically another sister or another daughter, another child. Yes, but I'm another child, I really am. And it's but he's not that much older than me, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

But but you the you had all these things.

SPEAKER_04 44:21

It's really important to me that people are able to witness how full circle God can be and how intentional self.

SPEAKER_00 44:29

Absolutely, yeah. 100%. And again, thank you to Grace Graber for taking the time to sit down and talk with me. Her website is gracegraver.com. You can find her podcast breaking through with Grace Graber at AccessMore, and that's AccessMore.com. As always, there's an updated 10 artists I think you should know about, and I hope you check them all out. And one last announcement my episode four guest, Olivia Faribault. If you listen, was expecting her first baby when we recorded the May podcast. And I am so happy to let everybody know that Olivia and her husband Caden welcomed their little baby girl at the end of May, baby Adalia. So, congratulations to Olivia Faribault and Caden, her husband. And we'll be back next month with another podcast. Thanks for listening. The rest, the podcast.