Wendy's Story | Roads to Recovery

In this compelling Episode 3 of "Roads to Recovery," host Jim Russell introduces listeners to Wendy, a woman who has spent over three decades in recovery after a long battle with substance use disorder. Through candid interviews with both Wendy and her mother, the episode explores the deeply personal and often painful realities of substance use disorder, including the impact of parental absence and the struggle for self-worth.

Wendy shares her journey from a childhood shaped by her mother's resilience and her father's absence to a turbulent adolescence marked by early substance use and the search for belonging. Listeners hear about her descent into substance use disorder, from smoking and drinking as a teenager to later struggling with crack cocaine and heroin. Wendy offers honest reflections on her lowest points, including homelessness, losing family heirlooms to pay for drugs, and the overwhelming shame and isolation that followed.

Her mother’s perspective adds emotional depth, revealing the pain and confusion of watching a loved one struggle, and the misconceptions many family members face about substance use disorder. This story illustrates the ripple effects of substance use disorder on families and the importance of understanding, compassion, and support.

Wendy’s turning point comes with the realization that she can’t recover alone. Embracing support from treatment programs, her church community, and a renewed sense of faith, she begins to rebuild her life. The episode highlights the concept of a "warm handoff"—the community’s collaborative approach to helping individuals access the resources they need. Wendy’s story is ultimately one of hope, demonstrating that recovery is possible with persistence, support, and the willingness to seek help.

No two recovery journeys are the same, but help and hope are always within reach. You can find your Road to Recovery.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

You tend to put up this wall and you think, you know what, I'm gonna keep everybody out and I'm gonna do this myself. And by God, when I get bigger, nobody's ever gonna hurt me again. And that is what it was that kept everybody out. But it also imprisoned me.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

This is a true story.

Intro 0:17

My negative choices started really, really young.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

I didn't have any friends that were sober. I didn't wake up one day and say, hey, I think I'm gonna be a drug addict today. I didn't want to feel the pain I was feeling anymore. Immediately I have it.

SPEAKER_04 0:31

I'm not in control. It's never enough. He's like, here, try this. And I almost lost my life. That is my main motivator. I don't want to go through this now.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

We do recover in Vermont County. There's nobody who can tell me any different.

Intro 0:44

Viewer discretion is advised. The content in this video addresses sensitive topics related to drugs and alcohol and may not be suitable for all audiences. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered as personal medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment recommendations. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional or a substance use disorder specialist for personalized guidance. The views and opinions expressed are those of the individuals presenting them and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Vermilion County Public Health or the Vermilion County Mental Health 708 Board.

Jim Russell 1:20

Hello, uh, I'm Jim Russell, and I'm again your host for Roads to Recovery. We're trying to tell some stories of people who are in recovery, some of the challenges, some of the disappointments, and some of the victories that they've encountered in those efforts. One of the things that seems to run through a lot of the stories that that we've heard already is parental impact or a little lack of parental involvement. It's one that that you'll see again. And it's one that that played a big role in Wendy's story that we're going to see now.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

I'm a walking billboard for Narco Artics Anonymous for a change in life, for like that you can get help. You don't have to stay stuck in that, yeah. There's all these different resources in Vermont County that are amazing. All these nonprofits are rising up from the ashes and we're we're locking arms and we're helping each other. It's called a warm handoff where I can help you with some stuff, and what I can't help you with, I can hand you over to Cross Point, I can take you to Rosecrans, I can take you to New Directions. We do recover in Vermay County. There's nobody can tell me any different. So, like, what have you learned mostly in recovery that you use the most of? So I've been in recovery since August 14th, 1991. I've been clean for almost 34 years now. My dad wasn't around very much. Uh he would pop in every seven, eight, ten years, you know, say hi for a few days, and then he'd be gone again. Mom always took us to church. We were raised right. We were raised to go to school every day. We were raised to, you know, to work hard. She was a good mom and she taught us values. We had manners, and we respected her for that. She always had at least one job. She worked at the police department for many, many years, and then she also worked at the fire department. We were friends with the cops and the firefighters. But she was a single parent a lot of times. My mom was a very independent woman. And so I grew up to be independent. You know, somewhere along the line as a kid, I thought, you know what, I don't really need a dad. You know, my mom's doing great, and she's a superwoman, and she had a job, and she took care of us kids, and she did a bang-up job, you know, of just trying to raise us with morals and everything else. So I I learned to be independent. But that also didn't help me when it came to my addiction because then I thought, you know what, it's got there's got to be a way that I can do this on my own.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

The absence of her dad in her life, I know that impacted her quite a bit. She seemed quiet sometimes, and I wondered why she was so quiet. Apparently, she was processing things. Where's Dad? How come he's not here? How could I possibly be that bad that he doesn't even want me? At that time, I thought, well, I'll just be a mother and a father to her both. You know, if he's gonna act like that, you know, then she doesn't need him. I had a mom and a dad all the time. And I just had no idea how important it was. She said, How could I feel good about myself? And it's like a light bulb went off because before that I thought that she was dealing with it pretty well. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Always looking for the next adventure. I picked up smoking cigarettes and smoking weed and drinking alcohol at 14 behind my mom's back. Finally, I fit in somewhere. It just came too natural for me, and then once I started, I couldn't stop. I didn't wake up one day and say, Hey, I think I'm gonna be a drug addict today. I never said that. It just happened. And there's reasons why people become addicts. There's reasons why people become alcoholics. We have an alcoholic grandfather. My father was an alcoholic and an addict, and I inherited those genes. The euphoria I felt took me away from all the voices in my head and the not feeling good enough and not measuring up. It made everything better. So I thought. And that didn't stop until I was done. That went to smoking crack and doing heroin.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

She moved away, and I didn't notice anything different. She was just Wendy. You know, she was happy go lucky. I thought she was done pretty well.

SPEAKER_03 6:17

I was always working because somebody had to pay for the drugs. Somebody had to pay for the alcohol, you know, but I wouldn't keep those jobs very long. I remember looking in the mirror and it brought tears in my eyes because I thought, you know, your mom didn't raise you to be this way. And I straightened up my my shirt and tried to forget those things. Alcohol was probably my drug of choice. It started with that, but at the bottom of every bottle was a bag of dope for me. I would try to not use. I tried moving, I tried having different friends, I tried, you know, the geographical change. I'd everything I tried failed miserably. And I'd always told myself that I would never do it again. And then bad things would happen, and I would think this is horrible. I mean, I can't believe I'm actually living like this. And then, you know, I'd think, okay, well, I'm gonna do better. The dealer would come over to the house, and all he would have to do is show me the drugs just like that. I would cave. And then I would kick my own butt the next day, and I would think, God, I'm such a loser. And I sunk into this abyss. I was installing irrigation systems at the time, so we had these long PVC pipes, and and I would purposely go load up the truck and get my arms dirty so you couldn't see the track marks on my arm. It was hell. I missed a vein one time and my arm blew up like a balloon. I ended up going finally to the hospital to get it taken care of. The doctor had asked me if I was an addict, and I said, no, of course not. He knew because it was cocaine all in my system.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

It's a God's way. And I'm happy that I'm here and that people here care about people like me.

SPEAKER_03 8:06

I was a miserable wreck, and I just wanted to die. Literally, I wanted to die. I would put myself in situations that would probably take me out because I didn't have the boss to commit suicide. This is just a temporary thing, but have you. Okay. I couldn't pay my own rent. I lived outside in abandoned houses. I couldn't pay for any bills. I could barely afford to eat. I would work at a work-a-day labor place and they paid us by the day. Every dime, every penny I had was spent on drugs and alcohol. Physically, I was deteriorating. I wasn't skin and bones, but I was definitely had lost a lot of weight, I was dehydrated. You could see it in my eyes, the hopelessness. There was like so many bottoms. You know, I thought this was a bottom, and then there was like 50 feet of crap and a new bottom, and then a basement, and then another bottom. It's like it just kept getting worse and worse and worse. Living on top of labor hall, we used to sleep under, you know, carpet boxes up there. And then we'd hear all the traffic coming in early in the morning, so we'd go down the fire escape and go to work. That's what I had gotten used to. My mom's voice was in my head all the time, reminding me of who I was supposed to be. Not who I was, not what I had become, but like who I was supposed to be. And it kept me alive. The lowest point for me was waking up in an abandoned house and the contractors coming in and just the disgust in their eyes. You know, they knew I was an addict, they knew I was homeless, and just, you know, just telling me that, you know, you can't sleep here. You know, this isn't you, you have to go. You know, you need to get up and leave. You know, it was so embarrassing and um shameful to me. And that's one of the things that keeps me clean today because I don't ever want to go back to that. That was like one of the lowest points. I've given up apartments, furniture, cars, relationships. My mom had given me wedding rings, a set of wedding rings that her and my dad shared.

SPEAKER_04 10:17

The wedding rings were just like very, very important to me, almost sacred, because her dad gave them to me when I was in high school. At one point, I went down to see her and she was living with this guy. They were gonna get married. I said, Here, honey, I said, go ahead and take these. She said, Are you sure? I said, Oh yeah. I said, I want you to have them. When you guys get married, then you can have, you know, our wedding rings. So they were important to me and she knew it too.

SPEAKER_03 10:43

In the bottom of my addiction, I I woke up one morning and those rings were gone because I had sold them to the dope man. You know, the the impression on your fingers when you've worn rings for so long. Those rings weren't there. And I went back to the guy's house to try to get him back, and he said they've been gone a long time. You know, it crushed me. And I thought, oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 11:03

That's one of the times when I started to get a grasp on it because I knew what those rings meant to her, and the thought that she would actually do that, that told me that there must be something there that she can't control. And that's when I started looking at her addiction a lot differently.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

When I finally realized that I couldn't do this on my own, that's when I waved the white flag. And I'm like, you know what? Okay, you're right. I give in, I can't do this on my own. So now I'm willing to get some help. And it was at that point when things started changing. We had a lady in our treatment center that would come in, she would teach Bible study, and when she walked to the door, you could feel the presence of God all on her. I thought, man, that is so cool. And whatever that is, I want that. It's the connection. You know, God wants a relationship with us. He doesn't want us to just check in when our butt's on fire or when we have a problem. He wants to talk to us, he wants to relate to us, he wants us to get to know who he is. My church family is very important to me, even today. Hey John, how are you? No, I don't have a slip. No, we are meeting on the 4th of July, though. Sometimes when you are in recovery, you you may stop using the drugs and alcohol, but if you don't fix the issues that cause you to become an addict or an alcoholic, then those things are gonna resurface. So I ended up having to move the birthday pass to the 23rd. Uh, but the 16th is Robert's anniversary. I came home after treatment in 91 and uh lasted a couple weeks and relapsed, and I was out there for four stray days. Those four stray days were horrible.

SPEAKER_04 13:04

I had a lot of resentment at first because I didn't understand. I thought, my God, if you want to stop, just stop. You know what is this? But I'll tell you what, she picked herself right back up, she learned what to do, and then she applied it. She came right back out of it.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

It hurt my family way more than I thought it did. And that was like the last straw. And once I realized that, I was done. I mean, I was done, done. It doesn't matter how much time you put between the drugs and the alcohol. If I'm 98 years old and I pick up a drink today, I'm gonna get the same reaction I did when I was 27 and put it down. The last thing you want to do is think that you got this and try to go back and relapse. Because some people don't make it back.

Jim Russell 14:01

So why this effort? Why these stories? We're telling these stories, all different stories, with all different roads that these folks are on to recovery to help you know and understand that recovery is possible. Whether it's you, it's a family member, it's a friend, it's a coworker, it is possible for someone who's struggling with substance use disorder to get help. We want to encourage people to reach out and get the help that they need. If you or someone you know and love is struggling with substance use disorder, don't just sit back and watch it happen. Call us here at the Mental Health 708 board at 217-443-3500. We don't provide direct services in our office, but we can connect you with several different agencies in our community who do provide those services. Two points of emphasis: everybody's journey is different. No one's gonna look exactly alike. And then the second point is don't forget recovery is possible and things can get better. And there are people in this community, there are people in your family and friend circle who want to help you uh on your own personal road to recovery.