Kimberly’s Story | Roads to Recovery

Kimberly shares a powerful story of addiction that began at age 50 after her 27-year marriage ended. Childhood wounds from her mom's divorce - feeling unloved, family alcoholism, and poverty - resurfaced and manifested as deep pain and emptiness.

Never having touched drugs before, she started experimenting with marijuana and cocaine, then crack cocaine introduced by a partner, chasing escape more than the high itself. It spiraled fast: weight loss, bad crowds, near-fatal overdose, and finally hallucinations of her grandkids waving goodbye.

After hitting rock bottom and fearing she’d die young like her mom, who passed at 56, Kimberly entered a dual-diagnosis facility for substance use and mental health. There, she processed her trauma, found closure, and began rebuilding who she truly wants to be.

This story stands as a raw reminder that addiction can strike later in life, pain doesn’t disappear with age, but recovery is possible, and you can like the person who you are becoming.

Transcript

Kimberly 0:00

I'm one of those people that you would have never thought. Because I had a good bringing up and everything, so it's a true story. My negative choices started really, really young.

SPEAKER_02 0:12

I didn't have any friends that were sober. I didn't wake up one day and say, Hey, I think I'm gonna be a drug addict today. I didn't want to feel the pain I was feeling anymore.

Kimberly 0:22

I'm not in control. It's never enough. He's like, here, try this. I almost lost my life. That is my main motivator. I don't want to go through this now.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

We do recover in Vermont County, but nobody can tell me any different.

Intro 0:37

Viewer discretion is advised. The content in this video addresses sensitive topics related to drugs and alcohol and may not be suitable for all audiences. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered as personal medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment recommendations. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional or a substance use disorder specialist for personalized guidance. The views and opinions expressed are those of the individuals presenting them and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Vermilion County Public Health or the Vermilion County Mental Health 708 Board.

Jim Russell 1:12

Hello, I'm Jim Russell, and I'm hosting another episode of Roads to Recovery. We're talking about themes that you can see sort of run the gamut in people who are dealing with substance use disorder. And one of those things you may hear and see quite often is how major life events impact people's lives. And how even those major life events that may happen at an earlier time in life can sort of lay the foundation for struggles later on. And that's what happens in this next story. And we'll let Kimberly tell you about what happened with her.

Kimberly 1:49

My mom and dad divorced when I was 14 months old. My mom worked two jobs. She had remarried, so I had a stepdad. He was a great man, and he was really the only dad I knew. But at the same time, I felt like there were differences between me and my brother. I can feel that he loved him more. That's how I felt. I can remember when I was sixth grade, my mom and my stepdad started going through the divorce process. And we went from a tri-level house, picket fence, you know, going to my mom having an old raggedy car and going to a trailer park to live and going on the short bus for real. That was hard. Kids were mean, you know, just mean. And my mom, she started drinking. And I can just remember walking from this bus stop, walking to the house, and just saying, please, please, in my head, please be sober today. Please be sober. Step Recovery Center. This is Kimberly. Can I say who's calling? One moment, please. Thank you. It was hard growing up like that because I just felt alone. And uh I was a good kid, man. I was like the poster child. I was a good kid. I always had that void, and that void just stuck with me. Looking back now, all of my family members, all of my aunts and uncles, they definitely had alcohol problems. But when I was a teenager, I always thought, I want more. I'm never gonna be like that. This is a true story. I was married for 27 years. I left somebody that I basically grew up with and who was my best friend. Just could never get him to make me feel special. He had to tell me how I looked. He had to tell me how to feel about myself. When I left my husband, all I wanted was him to come running. And it didn't happen. I have a lot of regrets. At 50 years old, I had never done a drug in my life. I started trying anything and everything that was out there. I became somebody that people would at least have to look at me and be like, what the hell is she doing? Oh and I was thinking I was looking good. You know, I had abs for the first time in my life, but then my legs were like the size of my wrists, you know. I was out of my element. I wasn't a mom. I wasn't a wife. Started hanging out with the wrong guys, and one thing led to another, and I tried marijuana and got sick a couple times on that. And I got with a guy that we were doing cocaine on, you know, on the weekends and that kind of thing, but then he's like, here, try this. That person that claimed that they loved me started me on crack cocaine, and I almost lost my life. Once I got the feeling of being high, it was more of an outlet of covering up that pain that I was feeling. More so than chasing a high. It was to cover up my real feelings. I felt like I was living a nightmare and I didn't know what to do about it. I'm not gonna blame just my husband as far as the marriage. I started drinking even before I separated from him. I started stopping at the bar on the way home, which caused problems because by the time I got home, he didn't want to talk to me. I didn't realize at the time how much damage I was doing. I I definitely can't take it back. I can't take any of it back. We're gonna do probably a 50-50. Yep, 50-50 selling auction, so we'll need selling auction items. I worked for the state for 27 years and my boss, God love her. She was my friend before she was my boss. She could have just threw the book at me and I could have lost my pension and everything else. And she was enough of a person to confront me and say, you need help. I know this is not you. I was sick of looking in the mirror and not liking what I was seeing. I actually called my dealer up and said, Hey, I want to come over and party. And so I had it planned it. I packed a bag and stayed overnight at their house, and we really was tying one on. The cocaine was still in one of those big things. It wasn't cut. And I started feeling funny. I had been up a lot of hours and stuff. I went home and it was a couple hours after I got home. I started feeling real funny. So I went to the bathroom and my whole chest was purple. I was started feeling like my my heart was going really fast. And I didn't know if it was an anxiety attack or if it was more. I called 911 on my own for myself. And when they came, the ambulance came. I remember them saying my blood pressure was 210 over 110. And I'm in the one of those emergency rooms. Like the curtain and the ceiling has all those little like clouds and flowers and started hallucinating. And anywhere I looked, I started seeing my grandkids. And my grandkids were holding pictures up and they were waving by to me. That was a sign from God that says either get your together or you're not. And that was my lowest point.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

We need an ice machine, an ice pressure so we can make snow cones.

Kimberly 7:32

Where in the heck can we get that today? My mother died at 56, and I was thinking in my head how much I missed my mom and what I was going to be doing to my kids and my grandkids. That was the exciting factor. I went to a dual facility, which was for mental health as well as for drug and alcohol abuse, and I can't say enough how much that helped me. Just getting a lot of that out. And it gave me a lot of closure that I needed. And it made me start to decide, you know, who do I want to be for the first time in my life, and I really like who I'm becoming.

Jim Russell 8:16

Aubrey, let your pop out.

Kimberly 8:19

I started reaching out to God too about that time. Every time that I really reach out, and I mean it with all my heart, He provides. He really does. I was trying to stay clean. I was going to meetings, started drinking, but I wasn't doing drugs and I didn't want to do drugs. I was pretty lit. My ex-boyfriend said, I'm gonna go get some drugs and come back. And I said, No, you're not. He's like, Yes, I am. I had a dog at the time, a pit bull, and he came back and he sat down and it was crack cocaine, and he did about three or four hits right in front of me. And I was at the point that it was either I wanted to sit down and join, or I needed to get the hell out of there. And I chose in my heart, I wanted to get out of there. When I went for the door, he got up and got in my way and did like this in front of the door. So I raised my arms and I started yelling, get out of my way. And that dog got off the couch and decided to get on my throat. I was helicoptered and I was in a coma for five days. I'm lucky to be here. You know, my voice is different, my breathing's different. That's gonna affect me for the duration of my life. When I worked at the public aid office for 27 years, I always knew in my heart I could be on the other side of that desk, and I never tried to treat people differently. But when it came to light and it happened to me, it's definitely humbling. It helps me strive for something besides myself. I don't even recognize that person where I was in my addiction. I don't even know who that person was. Now I feel like I'm a confident, strong person. I have a backbone. I don't have to have somebody else tell me if I look good or how to feel about myself. Back then I had so much negativity that I would just wake up in a bad mood. And now it's just it's just so small on this big scale of life. I feel sorry for that girl that I was then. At this point in my life, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have goals that I'm working on. I have a future with a partner. I have the best relationship I can have with my kids. I want to be here as long as I can and be the best I can. You gotta wanna, you can't. Nobody can do it for you. You're gonna have to want this, and it's gonna be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. But if you do it, it's gonna be the best thing you ever do in your life.

Jim Russell 10:53

So, why this effort? Why these stories? We're telling these stories, all different stories, with all different roads that these folks are on to recovery, to help you know and understand that recovery is possible. Whether it's you, it's a family member, it's a friend, it's a coworker, it is possible for someone who's struggling with substance use disorder to get help. We want to encourage people to reach out and get the help that they need. If you or someone you know and love is struggling with substance use disorder, don't just sit back and watch it happen. Uh call us here at the Mental Health 708 board at 217-443-3500. We don't provide direct services in our office, but we can connect you with several different agencies in our community who do provide those services. Two points of emphasis: everybody's journey is different. No one's gonna look exactly alike. And then the second point is don't forget recovery is possible and things can get better. And there are people in this community, there are people in your family and friend circle who want to help you uh on your own personal road to recovery.