Audey's Story | Roads to Recovery

This gripping story follows Audey, a man raised on a hardscrabble farm in Vermilion County—slaughtering livestock, no running water or electricity at first—and where his parents and grandparents constantly partied.  He saw alcohol as a normal part of life from an early age, drinking the remnants of the beer left over from their parties.

A straight-A, honor-roll kid, he moved to Danville, toughened up amid racial tensions, started carrying a knife, dropped out of school to party full-time, and progressed from marijuana to acid, speed, crack, meth, and heroin. He was a hard worker and made good money as a pipe fitter and iron worker, but prioritized drugs over his family needs. 

Audey entered treatment multiple times, mostly court-ordered, before finally achieving sobriety through NA meetings. Eventually he drifted away from the accountability, and relapsed spectacularly, thinking “one more” would fix things. He blew through a large amount of money he had saved for a house, and then began to get back into the criminal behaviors he'd been involved in before.

On May 3, 1991, he chose to attend an NA meeting instead of helping his friends with a big job. They went to prison, and he’s been clean ever since.
Now decades sober, he credits working the steps, serving others, and living out recovery in his home, work, and in the community. His story is a powerful testament that no matter how far down you go, recovery is possible, miracles happen, and life sober is worth fighting for.

Transcript

Audey 0:00

Today I I have a moral compass. I believe in doing things right. Back then, I didn't care about nothing or nobody except getting high. I really hated that person that I was. And today I love who I am and I love what my life is.

Intro 0:20

This is a true story. My negative choices started really, really young.

Jim Russell 0:24

I didn't have any friends that were sober. I didn't wake up one day and say, hey, I think I'm gonna be a drug addict today.

Audey 0:30

I didn't want to feel the pain I was feeling anymore. I immediately did I have to have it. I'm not in control. It's never enough.

Intro 0:37

He's like, here, try this. I almost lost my life.

Audey 0:40

That is my main motivator. I don't want to go through this now.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

We do recover in Vermont County, but nobody can tell me any different.

Intro 0:50

Viewer discretion is advised. The content in this video addresses sensitive topics related to drugs and alcohol and may not be suitable for all audiences. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes only and should not be considered as personal medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment recommendations. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional or a substance use disorder specialist for personalized guidance. The views and opinions expressed are those of the individuals presenting them and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Vermilion County Public Health or the Vermilion County Mental Health 708 Board.

Jim Russell 1:25

Hi, this Jim Russell, uh hosting another episode of Roads to Recovery. Uh we're telling the story of people who have been involved in substance use disorder and who are trying to get their lives back. Sometimes people got involved in uh using and abusing a substance and then becoming addicted to it where they liked it. Um they enjoyed the high. But sometimes that choice led to some dark pathways and some destinations that you have never chosen for yourself. And that's what we're gonna hear from Audi and his story.

Audey 2:10

Growing up, we lived on a farm. We uh didn't have running water, didn't have electricity at first. We uh would slaughter owned cattle, chickens, and hogs. Problem with my uh parents and my uh grandparents was that they were always partying and drinking, drinking, fishing. Mom and dad sitting around partying. Sometimes I'd clean up the beer cans and, you know, take a drink. And I remember when I was six years old and I broke my arm. Here's how grandma handled that. Went to the doctor, got the cast on and stuff, and instead of getting pain medication, she'd put uh Jack Daniels in my Pepsi. That's what I seen growing up. I thought that was life, how things were supposed to be. Everybody that's right, help us stay safe. Father, I I pray for take care of all of us and help us do what we need to do and carrying the message of recovery to the other addicts out there still suffering. Amen. I was very intelligent. I was a straight A student, I was on the honor roll all the time. My mom was always bragging about how smart it was, being on the honor roll and being different. I was kind of shunned a lot. Then we moved to the big city of Danville. I was all innocent, and I didn't know any of this stuff the big city had. I'd never seen it. There was like 30, 40 kids in a classroom instead of 10 or 12. This black guy kept bothering me and thought, man, I just I decked him, I bunched him out, and then got off the bus, and now I was in trouble, and my dad whipped my butt because I hit somebody asked, well, he hit me first, and it doesn't matter, he can't be fighting, and so you really had to toughen up. I'd start carrying a knife because there was a lot of rivalry going on in school between blacks and whites and all kinds of crazy stuff like that. Instead of being the best of school, I wanted to be the best, biggest, smartest, tough guy, and I was, and everything was just different. We drank a lot and never did any drugs until somebody, oh hey, I guess ought to try this marijuana. We got a hold of some good stuff, and oh my goodness. It was like all the lights turned on or something. I was charged up, started off marijuana, you know, and then other drugs, acid speed. I was doing it because I liked it and I liked what it did. I didn't have time to do everything that I wanted to do, so I dropped out of school, so I had more time to party and get high and hang out, selling drugs to school on the street corner and trying to be the coolest guy that was and the toughest guy. I got to the point where I needed more and more. I couldn't get what I needed out of a little bit, and then more and more. I needed more drugs, I mean more alcohol to get the same feeling. And he started feeling like you, if you didn't have any, you didn't feel right. I needed it, I had to have it, or I didn't, I didn't feel normal. And you know that's got a lot to do with the endorphins being released out of the brain. You just keep getting numbed out, and you can't feel, and just getting dis disoriented and and you can't think, can't function. Put more trying to get that good feeling. I was always out of control, doing crazy stuff, getting in trouble. You know, I ended up in prison three different times. I went through treatment seven times, not really going because I wanted to get clean, because I had to go where the judge sent me or to save my marriage. I didn't want to get clean. I wanted to learn how to use drugs and be and be okay. I never wanted to stop. Hey. I had good jobs. I was a pipe fitter, pipe holder, and iron worker. I can make up to a hundred thousand a year. Um I made good money and then I dealt drugs to make my my drug money. I would buy dope before food for the family when I was using. I spent so much money on dope. Because I had it to spend, my family could have had so much better things. I was very unstable. Okay. There's one that's not where I I was so unstable, I wanted to die. So down in South Carolina, went out in front of a four-lane highway, run out in the middle, laid down the road. I wanted to get run over. First car that stops was an ambulance. They load me up in the packet, take me down to the mental hospital. You know, the funny thing about drug addiction and insanity is it runs so hand in hand. Later on, I got I was in uh projects down there and uh I got into it with some of the people. And so I had an AR-15. Uh they pissed me off, so I just kind of slit in the screen, got the AR-15, I started shooting. Oh they were running everywhere. I was blowing windows out of cars and shooting their tires out, and here come the SWAT team. Oh my god. And they called, they called out. So I answered the phone, they said, uh, shooter, they said, you need to put your weapon down, surrender, and come out, or we're gonna kill you. So that's what I ended up, I had to do. So I made up this big old story about I was from another planet, and it was like Saturn of like the Texans of this solar system. And I was telling them all about that, and they were laughing, they thought it was funny as hell. You know, I had a really good story. I had it laying down, I was telling it, and then so then they sent me to this um big mental hospital over in Columbia, South Carolina. Oh my god. All locked down, first day there. And this guy takes a chair, runs, and goes out the window with the chair in front of him, hits the ground, picks off from trying to escape. You know, I'm like, wow, what have I got myself into? So I was there for like four or five months because I wasn't telling him about the drugs and alcohol, just all my crazy thoughts. Once I told him about the drugs and alcohol, so that changed the whole story. Then it's like, you're not crazy, you're a drug addict. We're gonna send you to a treatment center. Well, I got to the treatment center, it wasn't a locked facility anymore. I called my brother. I said, gee, dude, you need to come down here and get me, get me out of the state. Basically got away with it pretty much. I'm not wanted down there or nothing. I didn't get clean for two years after that. I still had using them, being crazy as hell. I'm not not no good, but I try. Oh, look at you. That was a good shot.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Come on, three.

Audey 9:41

I was uh dealing crystal meth. I was wiring money out to California and I was getting in ounces and ounces of crystal meth and dealing it. I'd get it through the FedEx and they intercepted the package. First they called and said, Oh, your package got delayed, you need to come down and pick it up. Well, here I am. I sent my wife, go get that. And, you know, she's okay, she went to go get it, and they arrested her, then they came out and arrested me. We were facing a lot of time in prison. I filed a motion for a fast and speedy trial, and they ran past the timeline on that. And oh my god, it was a big deal. I made front page headline news. They had to throw out the charges and they couldn't charge me with it. They had to dismiss it and they couldn't bring it up ever again. And after that, that's when I went to treatment. I keep doing it just bigger and bigger things, crazier and crazier. This time I need to get some help. I gotta stop.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

Come on.

Audey 10:48

I got clean, I was working the program, following it, working the steps, got a sponsor, I was doing all really good, and I was so charged up. I was like, this is the most awesome thing I've ever done. I'm like, I'm so excited. I got a good job as I'm paying my bills, I saving money, I had money saved up for down payment on a house. And they started telling me, you know, why do you why do you keep going to those meetings? You're okay. You're working, you got you got money, you don't need to go. And I started, I started thinking maybe they're right. And I quit doing it. My attitude changed, got in a fight with my boss, I got fired from my job. So I'm like, I'll I'm not going home. And here I am coming up with that thing that kills more addicts than anything I thought. I can I can just do one and be alright, and this will fix everything. I did that and it was like everything changed back. Just like it was before I quit. I started shooting dope every day. Took all the money I had saved up for the house, went out and did all that, and I couldn't stop. When I started, I couldn't stop. You know, I destroyed everything one more time. And then me and my buddies, we were all gonna go do this job, and uh, big time. We were gonna make some money. May 3rd, 1991, they all went and did the job, and I backed out. I went to a meeting, they all went to prison. I've been clean ever since. I don't want to go back to that life anymore. I know that no matter how long I've been clean, no matter what I do, if I use drugs or alcohol, I will be transformed back to where I was again. There's no cure for it. But we can live in recovery. It's more than just what you do in an NA meeting. It's what you do at home with your family, what you do at your job, what you do in the community, serving the good of people is what it's about. Focus. There you go. Yeah, too much.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Damn it, Eddie.

Audey 13:17

Yeah, we'll just know man with that. I started seeing all the things and the blessings that could come from living life and recovery. It was just it was like this miracle that happened to me, and I I didn't feel like I deserved it most of the time, but I got it. And it just kept happening. I could just do things that I never really thought I could do. I'm just so glad that that that it changed. Let me just remember, wow, what's my purpose in life? What am I doing, you know? I think today I know.

SPEAKER_02 13:49

My job is to help other people and do God's will. Audi is my friend and sponsor. He stuck with me. I've had 10 years a couple times and I blow it. He never gave up on me. That's one good thing I can say. He's my real friend.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Come on.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

He'd call me to play golf. I knew what he was doing. And I wouldn't even answer the phone. I was so sorry, you know. It just uh but now I'm on the right path. And uh with his help and everybody else's help, I was I'll stay on the right path. And uh, you know, I'm thankful today for what I have and thank you, Audie.

Audey 14:49

What we're doing here at Step Recovery Center, this is the best.

Jim Russell 14:54

I'll be doing this the rest of my life. So why this effort? Why these stories? We're telling these stories, all different stories, with all different roads that these folks are on to recovery to help you know and understand that recovery is possible. Whether it's you, it's a family member, it's a friend, it's a coworker, it is possible for someone who's struggling with substance use disorder to get help. We want to encourage people to reach out and get the help that they need. If you or someone you know and love is struggling with substance use disorder, don't just sit back and watch it happen. Uh call us here at the Mental Health 708 board at 217-443-3500. We don't provide direct services in our office, but we can connect you with several different agencies in our community who do provide those services. Two points of emphasis: everybody's journey is different. No one's gonna look exactly alike. And then the second point is don't forget recovery is possible and things can get better. And there are people in this community, there are people in your family and friends circle who want to help you uh on your own personal road to recovery.