5: Why You Stay When It Doesn't Fit You

Today we explore how core values keep you in work that does not feel right or fit you.

You will discover there is more to core values than you might think. Understanding them is key to breaking free from chronic career misalignment and moving towards work that truly reflects you.

In this episode, you’ll explore:

• The difference between aspirational values and core driver values
• Why driver values can be uncomfortable to admit but powerful to embrace
• Questions to help you uncover the real drivers behind your performance

You are unique and leaning into this understanding will help you chart your own path. To do so you need to know yourself deeply and direct that power intentionally.

When you are ready, explore your next step at TheActionWithin.com.

Full transcript at: TheActionWithin.com/5

Transcript

Hello and welcome. I’m really excited for this episode today because we are talking about something I come back to a lot – and that is core values. 

Because on the surface, they’re meant to help you understand yourself so you can make informed choices. 

But for those struggling with chronic career misalignment, the way they are often approached can keep you from aligning to work that truly fits you. 

We’ll get into why in this episode. The full transcript is available at theactionwithin.com/5. 

Where Core Values Show Up 

You've probably heard about core values. 

Most people first come across them at work. They are the words that companies use to describe what they stand for. 

Things like innovation, integrity and respect. 

But when you really look at them, they are often abstract. The kind of words that sound good… but don’t really tell you much about ways of working or what really matters to them. 

They could also belong to almost any company.  

Now you might have even tried to define your own core values through a team exercise, a workshop or in your own time. 

More than Just Words 

Firstly, I want to clear that core values do matter. 

They are not something you choose or create, they are already there. 

They shape how you see the world, what feels right to you and how you naturally respond to people and situations. 

You might hear them described as principles or beliefs that guide your behaviour. 

But another way to think of them, and one that I find most useful, is as needs. 

Things that when they’re met, you feel more like yourself. And when they are not met, you feel off…even if you can’t immediately explain why. 

This idea builds on work from Abraham Maslow, who referred to “being values”, the things we’re naturally drawn towards once our basic needs are met. 

And this is where it becomes really important. 

Because when your work consistently clashes with those needs, it’s not just uncomfortable. It shows up in your behaviour, your decisions, and even the energy you bring to your day. 

The alternative is also true. 

When those deep driver needs are met, even if the work isn’t quite right for you, it can make leaving harder than you think. 

Why This Isn’t Enough 

 The traditional approach to identify core values is innocent enough. You’re given a list of words, such authenticity, courage, independence and harmony. 

You spend a bit of time reflecting, and then you choose the ones you most feel drawn to. And those selected become your core values, the ones that are meant to guide your decisions and move you forward. 

And it feels good. 

You end up with a list of positive words that say something about who you are. 

You’re authentic. You’re kind. 

But if you are really honest…that’s not how you’re actually showing up right now. 

You’re not showing up authentically in the work you’re doing. And you’re probably not being kind to yourself either, with the hours you’re working and what you’re expecting of yourself.  

On paper, it all looks right. But this doesn’t match your reality. 

So what’s going on. How do core values help you in the conflicting context you are in? 

This is where the gap starts to show. 

The traditional approach only works at the surface. It gives you words, but it doesn’t explain your behaviour. 

It doesn’t help you understand why you keep overworking…why you stay in something that doesn’t feel right…or why you keep making the same choices. 

This is the important part. 

You can know what matters to you…but still feel completely stuck. 

Now this doesn’t mean the traditional exercise is wrong.  What you’ve self-identified is aspirational values. 

These are the things you want in your life…to feel more of… and the ways you want to show up. 

And that’s incredibly useful, because it gives you a sense of direction. But it doesn’t tell you how to get there. 

What’s Really Driving You 

There’s another way to think of values that doesn’t get talked about as much. 

Some psychologists and behavioural experts describe a second layer: the drivers behind your behaviour.  

These sit separately from the values you want to live by. They are the ones already shaping how you act. 

I find “drivers” a much more useful way of thinking about values, because it explains what is happening underneath. 

These are the things that influence your decisions, your reactions, and the patterns you find yourself repeating. 

And most of the time, they’re operating unconsciously. 

When they’re being met, you act almost without thinking. But when they’re not, something starts to feel off. 

For example, if one of your drivers is trust and you’re in an environment where trust between leaders or teams just isn’t there, it becomes much harder to stay. 

You start to feel the gap. 

And you’ll naturally look for ways to fill it, in your work or outside of it. 

But on the flip side, if that same role provides a fulfilment of trust…you might find yourself staying, even if the work itself is not fulfilling and doesn’t really fit you.  

And that’s the part that gets missed. 

Because if you don’t understand what’s actually driving your behaviour, you can keep making decisions that look right, but don’t feel right. 

And that is often why nothing really changes. 

Identifying your drivers is powerful. Because your actions start to make sense. 

You can see why you’ve made certain decisions, why you’ve stayed longer than you wanted to, or why you keep pushing yourself in the way that you do. 

And from there, you have more choice in how you respond.  

You’re not just reacting. You can start to work with what really drives you. 

Not Always What You Expect 

An interesting aspect is that these deep drivers aren’t always the nice, front facing values you’d choose for yourself. 

They can be uncomfortable to admit. This is what makes them real and meaningful. 

And that’s often why they’re harder to identify on your own. Because it means being honest about parts of yourself that you might usually avoid or downplay. 

I’ve been there. I selected very nice values and still felt stuck. 

But when I eventually looked deeper, I started to understand more about how I operate and what really drives me.

Turns out, one of my key drivers is achievement. I like to achieve things. 

Once I could see this, I could make sense…of how I worked, the decisions I made, and why I stayed in roles that didn’t really fit me. 

Because even when the work wasn’t right, my achievement need was still being met. 

Now, I don’t ignore it, or try to change it. 

Knowing that achievement drives me, helps me be more intentional about my professional choices. 

My own career alignment has been possible because I now understand myself, and by leaning into these drivers I have been able to embrace change, overcome challenges and face something new, such as starting this podcast! 

What Would You Stay True To? 

So, here you are. You want to find release from a professional context that doesn’t fit you. The key is going deeper. 

This is what I do with clients in my Embrace What Drives You single session. 

Both the discovery and awareness are eye-opening. They help my clients look honestly at what fuels their fire and keeps them stuck. It’s the key they need to unlock their future. 

There is a quote I love by Patrick Lencioni, an American author and leadership speaker: 

“A core value is something you're willing to get punished for.” 

In this context it makes the distinction clear: aspirational values point to what you want to express, while key driver values show what is shaping your behaviour. 

The latter is what needs to be worked with. 

Now, to get you thinking. 

Take time to consider the patterns in your career. 

• What keeps showing up? 
• What pushes you to do more…to have more? 
• What key moments shaped your decisions? 

 And the big question: 

• What in your behaviour are you willing to get punished for? 

As I said before, often the deeper drivers aren’t the nice values you expect. They can be confronting. 

But when you face them, something incredible happens. 

What once felt uncomfortable, becomes a beacon, an ember of your unique design. 

Embracing your reality in this way doesn’t just make change possible, it makes it and you powerful. 

This has been a heavy episode, but I hope it encourages you to look beneath the layers and find the real fuel to your fire. So you can harness it to achieve what you want. 

If you find this hard to do on your own, I am here to help. 

I offer a single 90-minute collaborative session to help you Embrace What Drives You. You can find out more at TheActionWithin.com/Embrace