Before I Became Abby’s Mom

In this episode, Jess shares the story of the childhood that shaped the mom she is today. From growing up in chaos and constantly moving between homes, to feeling different at school and trying to figure life out alone, this conversation opens up about the experiences that shaped her path.

Jess talks honestly about addiction in her family, feeling overlooked by the people she needed most, and the long road to becoming the person she is today.

It’s a raw and emotional look at where her story really began and how breaking generational cycles became the most important thing when she became Abby’s mom.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hey, it's Jess. Hey, it's Abby. Welcome back to another episode of the Like Mother Like Daughter Podcast. All right, well, happy 6-7. Happy Thursday. Happy Thursday. Tomorrow's Friday. I can't believe how fast this week went by.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

I literally just said that you're copying me. I literally just said that. Like she copied me.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

No, I didn't. I just thought of it. It's crazy how fast the week flew. Okay, so let's get right into it. Okay, we've spent the last few episodes talking about Abby's childhood and her growing up. So I figured it would be uh, you know, good if I shared some of my childhood and how I grew up. Um, Abby, do you know much about my childhood? No, I actually don't. No?

SPEAKER_01 0:58

I only know like little beat b bits and pieces.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

It's okay. It's still really early, guys, so bear with us. Um, okay, so well, you're gonna learn a lot today then. Great. Um, so let's just see, where do I even begin, you guys? God, there's so much. I I feel like my memory is not the greatest. I mean, obviously I've been through a lot, so it's kind of just like flashbacks, but I'm gonna do my best to piece it together good for you guys. I'm gonna start with like the very first memory that I can think of where I felt like I was scared or um just in a position where I was, I think it was the first time I've ever experienced anxiety. So Nanny and granddad were still together then, and we lived in Dartmouth. I remember waking up on the couch and Nanny's friend was babysitting me and she was asleep at the other end, but I didn't know that it was her. I thought it was Nanny. And so I went to go wake her up because I was scared. It was the middle of the night. And when I realized that it wasn't Nanny, I got really scared. And I remember I ran upstairs and I went in Nanny and Grandad's bed and I fell asleep there. And I remember waking up in the middle of the night to Nanny and Grandad fighting. And um, I just want to make this clear: this was my mom and my dad at the time. This was like way, way back. Um, so where we lived, there was like these very steep stairs, and they were wooden, and they had like spaces in between the stairs. So you could like put your foot through and like fall. Um, and I remember they were fighting at the top of the stairs, and I was so scared in that moment. And I thought that for some reason, I thought that grandad was gonna push her down the stairs. And knowing what I know now, it was probably the opposite. Like Nanny was probably gonna push Grandad down the stairs. And I just remember running out of bed and saying, Daddy, like, don't push her or something. And I remember Grandad like running over to me and hugging me and saying, like, babe, I would never do that. And that was, oh God. Well, they split up when I was seven. So that was a long time ago. I was probably only maybe four years old at that time. Um, that was like the last memory probably that I have of my mom and my dad being together, other than like the car accident. I don't really have many memories of that. Um, but my mom and my dad split up when I was seven. And then shortly after is when Nanny met Papa. Um, and I remember when she introduced me to him, I was so shy and stuff. And me and him did get quite the bond um right off the bat. He was very good to me, he spoiled me and stuff, but there was also a lot of like chaos in my early childhood. I know I mentioned in another episode that I changed schools 13 times. We moved a lot. I remember, you know, I bounced around from house to house so many times, and we just never stayed in one place for very long. Um, you know, my mom and my stepdad, nanny and papa, they would fight a lot. And I remember, you know, there's this one specific memory that I have of I was probably in grade three. I know I lived in the house around the time that 9-11 happened. It was in Fairview. So I was probably in grade three at that time. And I remember being in my room and Nanny Shell came in with a garbage bag, and she started throwing all my clothes, everything in a garbage bag. And she was like, come on, get your stuff together, like you're going to stay with Nanny Wheezy for a little bit. And this happened so often, like more often than I would like to say, because every time they would get in a fight, I would go stay with my nan. I would, my nan would enroll me in school with her. I would live there for a little bit. It's really hard to remember a lot of the exact timeline, but I remember like I would try to go back to school with my mom again in like September in the new year, and eventually I would wind up back at Nanny Wheezy's, and it was like the same cycle all over again. But Nanny Wheezy's house for me was like my comfort. She would always let me sleep in her bed. She would always sing like lullabies to me, and she would like play with my hair and like rub my hands until I fell asleep, and it was just like so comforting.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Nanny Diane did that to me.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Aww. She would rub my hand like this. Aww. Every time I would go back to Nanny Shell's, I remember I would always feel lonely. I'd be scared. I would be like anxious. No one ever really paid attention to me. I always felt different. Like I remember going to school and knowing that there was something different with me than other kids, but I just didn't know what it was. And I always felt embarrassed because I was super shy. I was super anxious, obviously because of whatever I was dealing with outside of home. So, and I was always the new girl. So it was super hard for me to make friends. And then by the time I did make friends and I got comfortable with somebody with somebody, we were packing up and moving again. And we were I was going to a different school. So, like primary one and two, I went to one school. Grade three, I went to another school. Grade four, I went to another school. Grade five, I went back to the school that I went to in grade three. Grade six, I went to a different school. Grade seven, eight, and half of nine, I went to a junior high. That's when I met Katie at that junior high. And I think that in junior high is when I started to come out of my bubble a little bit because I I met other kids that were kind of in similar situations as me. Um and I was able to relate to them.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

I feel like junior high is when you like you start to mature and grow up and like you get out of your because that's when I got out of my like little bubble.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Because like Yeah, it's like when you start to form your own thoughts, you're like, oh, I'm actually my own person, and I'm I control what you know what I do and what I say and stuff, right? Yeah. Um, and then for the second half of grade nine, I went to a different school, and that was when I moved in with granddad. When grandad moved us to the country, I went to grade 10 there, and then I went to the West. Then I went back to the school in the country, then I went back to the West, and that's when I graduated from Halifax West. Looking back, like there was rarely supper cooked for us. Like we really like for me, I never I rarely had dinner cooked. I think I lived on like a lot of canned zoodles and pizza pockets and mini pizzas and pogos, like anything that was microwavable, really. And there was never really like clean dishes. Like a lot of the time we would either have disposable plates or no, nothing clean. Like it was a disaster. Yeah, and like same with towels. So it's funny because my mom was always in and out of trouble. So she was stealing a lot. And I knew that when I was a kid, but I don't think I realized what was going on. But one particular thing that stood out to me was this was like in my actually more recent years. Um, but Katie was at my house. It was when we first started dating. My mom was there, and there was a big pile of laundry in the corner of the closet. And Nanny said, Um, you must hate that. And Katie was like, What do you mean? And she was like, you know, like the piles of laundry. She was like, She gets that from me. Like, that's my fault. Because when she was little and we had dirty towels and stuff, instead of washing them, I would just go out and steal new ones and throw the dirty towels in the garbage.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Like, isn't that crazy? No way she admitted that. Yeah. Yeah. Um What did Katie even say to that?

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Katie, I don't know, but Katie's been a really big influence on helping me kind of like grow up and like learn responsibility. Like I came from a home with no rules, no structure whatsoever. And Katie came from more of a like a militant family where, you know, everything had to be done proper. She had to have her bed made, she had to ask for a drink, things like that. And her and I together, we really balance each other out. Um, but that was just like one example. Like when I was little, like Nanny would just go and steal dishes or disposable plates and cups so that we didn't have to wash dishes. Like it was just not normal. Um, but yeah, aside from feeling like I was always a burden and, you know, the grocery thing, they're not having a lot of groceries and stuff, like I just felt lonely. Like my mom spent a lot of time in her bed. Like she very rarely got out of bed and like bed rotted? No, literally bed rotted. And I knew that whatever was going on in her room wasn't right because they smoked in their room, in their apartment, everywhere. Like the host always smelled like everywhere you looked, there was like ashtrays and like little bowls with like biddies and papers in there. And I obviously I was so embarrassed to bring my friends around. And and then as I got a little bit older, you know, I started to realize things. Her and my stepdad fought a lot. And um, I remember I was in grade four and I lived in the apartment building across from Duke Danville on Leeswood Drive, the one that your dad lived in for a minute. Yeah. Oh yeah. Okay, so I lived in that apartment building, and we had a storage closet similar to this one. It was like you walk in and there was like two little rooms there. Um, and I was never allowed in it. And there was always like a white light coming out from under the door, and it was always hot as hell on the top floor of our apartment because it was kind of like this apartment. You'd walk to the top of the stairs, and there was a storage closet at the top of the stairs, and it was always hot, and I was never allowed in this closet. And I remember Nanny and Papa were always going in and out of it and closing the door behind them. So I never knew what it was. It was almost like that episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? You're probably too young, you've probably never seen it before, but there's an episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark where the dad's always going in and out of the basement and no one knew what was going on down there.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

I watched that on TikTok.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Did you?

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

Okay, so it was kind of like an episode of that. And then it this went on for a long time. And then when I finally found out what was behind the door of the storage closet, Nanny and Papa were in a really big fight. And I remember Papa opened the door and there was purple kitty pools. You know those plastic round pools for kids? There was plastic round kitty pools in the closet full of soil and plants. They were growing plants in the storage closet. And I remember he picked up the pool and he biffed the entire pool with the plants down over the stairs. There was soil and plant literally all over my apartment. And I was probably 10 years old. I had no idea what it was. I knew obviously that it was something that shouldn't have been there. And it was so traumatizing. And I remember cleaning up soil off of those carpets for days, for days. I remember Nanny Wheezy would come came over to help clean the mess, and there was still soil. And I just remember there being soil in the carpets for like weeks, probably. Um, I'll never forget that moment, but that was when I really started to put two and two together that they were doing a lot of drugs, and that's kind of when I was like, okay, that's when I knew that my parents were addicts. It was really difficult. I didn't know what kind of drugs that they were using, but I knew that they were. Are you surprised hearing this? No.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

No? Not at all. Not at all. I kind of knew that our family was pretty messed up.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Yeah, yeah. If you were to look at your childhood compared to some of the stories that I just shared with you, what are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Way different.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Way different. I feel like you kept a lot of things hidden from me. Like you were really good at like you made things seem not as bad as they were because you didn't want to like want me to see that.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Yeah. Cause I definitely have done some stuff that I'm not proud of, but I I thought about it in the in the moment, like I don't ever want this to affect her. I don't ever want my bad choices to affect her. So I really did try to go above and beyond to to make sure that you weren't affected by any of my bad decisions. So I'm glad that you feel that way because I think like a lot of my trauma that I have and the way that I was raised, um, it affects my parenting, but in a couple of ways, because for one, I try to do the opposite of what my parents did with me, with you. Um, but I still worry that my unhealed trauma is going to like bleed into you. And I always worry that it's gonna affect you, and maybe we don't know yet. Like, like how? I didn't realize how much my mom's childhood affected me until I got older and I started learning about her disorders and what she went through, right? Because it's kind of like the this is where the whole generational trauma thing comes through because Nanny Wheezy went through a lot when she was growing up, right? And then that kind of bled into Nanny Sch's upbringing. And then it kind of bled into mine. So I can't help but worry that it's gonna bleed into yours too.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Well, no, because like because of how you grew up, you're so overly strict, bro. Like it like it's actually insane, like kind of mind-blowing. Like, obviously, you're not that strict, but like Sorry, you have an eyelash that's coming off.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Wow, mom. Wow, thanks for telling sorry. I don't know. I think when I was like kind of bouncing back and forth between my moms and my nans, I'm kind of glad that I spent as much time as I did with Nan because she is what taught me like a sense of home. And like that was the place where I felt loved and she catered to me compared to how alone and how much of a burden I felt like when I was at home with Nan, like Nanny and Peppa. And then when I was with Nanny Wheezy, it was like a completely different world for me. You know, her and and Jim, Grandpa Jim, they did everything for me. You know, I would wake up in the morning, go downstairs, Nanny would be making me breakfast, and Grandpa Jim, I would sit on his lap while we watched Arthur, while I ate my breakfast, he would take the knots out of my hair because I twirled my hair ever since I had hair. I still to this day do it. Same. And he was so patient with me. He would take the knots out of my hair. I would get ready for school. He would walk me to school, he would be there for me at the end of the day when I got home or when I got out of school. And then he would walk me home. And every day that he went out, he would bring me home a treat. And Nan was always cooking supper. She always cooked supper. And I always I remember asking her to make me home fries every single day because she would hand cut potatoes and cook them in her deep fryer, and they were my favorite thing ever that she would make.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

They were actually really good.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

So good. So good. And I'd give anything to have Nan's home fries again.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

But I wait, when uh you like were staying there and stuff when you were little, was it still in the same place?

SPEAKER_00 17:14

So she lived in Dartmouth, um, over in Shannon Park for the first little while, and that's where all of my good childhood memories are. Like when I think of my childhood, other than the trauma and stuff, when I think of good memories, I remember we lived in Shannon Park, and my mom lived in Shannon Park for a while too. But then I think um she moved out when I was in, I think it was like grade one, and then that's when I lived with Nanny Wheezy. So I started in primary with Nanny Shell. When Nanny Shell moved from Dartmouth, she moved over to Fairview. I stayed with Nanny Wheezy. I stayed with Nanny Wheezy because I wanted to continue to go to that school with all my friends. And it was just so much fun. Like kids these days will never know how much fun it was when all of the kids would get together. We would go out onto the field, we would play Red Rover. Do you know what Red Rover is?

SPEAKER_01 18:10

No.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

Oh my God, I feel so old. So you'd get like two teams of people and say there was like six people. No, we it wouldn't be need to be more than that. It'd be like eight people. So four people on one side, four people on the other. You would stand like quite a bit of ways away. You would all hold hands, and one person, one team would start and we would say, Red Rover, Red Rover, we call Abby over. And then Abby would like run from the other team and try to break through our hands. And if they couldn't break through our hands, then we would um keep them and they would join our team. And if they broke through, I now, listeners, you guys can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think if they were able to break through, then they were able to take someone from our team over to their team. That would make sense. And you would just keep doing that until there was no one left or there was one person left on the team. Um, and then we played things like track down, where like we would all go to the playground and track down, like there would be a certain place on the playground that would be like the home base. It would be like you're safe. So it was kind of like hide-and-seek tag, but we and then we would do it in the dark. So like one person would be it, everybody else would hide, and then the person would have to find them and you could have to like touch them to like tag them. But if they were on the home base, they were safe. Um, it was so much fun. So just things like that. Those were such good memories for me. I all my childhood friends there, like I have vivid memories of them. I don't really talk to many of them um anymore. Some of them I still have on my social media, but that was like the the one place and the the era of my life that's somebody's washer. That's annoying. Guys, I just want to apologize if you can hear that noise in the background. I'm so sorry. One of my neighbors is doing laundry. We do have soundproofing up. Apparently, it's not enough yet, but we're getting there. I apologize. I'll try to edit it out. But if you can hear it, I am so sorry. Um but, anyways, we were talking about, you know, the good days, and that's that's why I'm so grateful for Nanny Wheezy because if it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have any good memories whatsoever. When I talk about like Nanny Wheezy's being like my safe place and like where I'm feel comforted and stuff, like what's that place for you? Like, where do you feel the most safe and the most comfortable? Well, here. Like your home here.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Yeah. Yeah. But when I was little, it was nanny and granddad.

SPEAKER_00 20:37

Yeah, of course. Because you spent a lot of time with Nanny and Grandad.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Yeah, but and also when I was little Nanny wheezy's too. Yeah. Because like I just loved it there so much.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Yeah, she always made it feel like home there.

SPEAKER_01 20:49

And I would make her laugh so much. I would make her die. Like, I'm not even joking. She would be cackling at me. Like she would be wheezing. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

That's so funny. Wheezing. No pun intended. That's hilarious. All right, let's talk about my mom for a second. Now, I I don't want to sit here and bash her the entire time. Um, I'm gonna try to, you know, make it about my experience. However, I do want to kind of paint the picture for you guys so you guys can truly understand. Because as much as I've been through with my mom and, you know, the choices that she's made and where it's led her and stuff, I do love her and I always will. And I will always want the best for her. Um, and I will always hope that, you know, someday her and I can have the relationship that me and you have. Like when you send me videos of I wish that I could bottle my mom up and bring her and put her in my pocket and bring her everywhere with me. It's like I wish that I felt that about my mom. And like I have hope that someday I will feel that way, but it's also really Hard to have a relationship with someone who is just causes you so much damage and who I feel that. You know, like there's just so much um chaos and frustration, and it's so hard. Um, but I just wanted to get into a little bit of what it was like growing up with her. She spent a lot of time in her bed, and when she wasn't in her bed, she was yelling at me a lot. I felt like I never did anything right. I felt like there wasn't a lot of love from her. I felt like I always was craving like just to feel comforted and loved. And instead, I felt lonely and I felt like I was a burden to her. And it was really hard. And I think that's why I gravitated to my Nan so much because my Nan kind of filled that void that I had from my mom. She never really showed up for me. She was never really there in the ways that I needed her to be. And I understand that she went through a lot when she was young. Um, I know she was on like antidepressants and anxiety medications since she was like 14 years old. But because of all of her childhood trauma, she never really got the help she needed to heal from that, which again, like I mentioned earlier, it bled into how she raised me and and my brother. And I think because I I never really had that bond with her, that it's hard for me to feel any kind of sympathy for her now. And as I got older, I started to kind of feel like I was her mom because I was trying to guide her and you know, I wanted her to do better so bad. But then obviously, when I was an adult and I realized what was going on and I found out so many things about her. Like I found out that she smoked the night before she found out she was pregnant for me, which is crazy to me. Um, and I knew that she was, you know, abusing substances and stuff, but I didn't realize how how bad it was. And, you know, as she got older, it just got harder and harder for her to get the help that she needed because it was just like the the longer you put it off, the worse it's gonna get, right? And then, you know, she went to jail, she got out, her and my stepdad split up. And then I had found out that she had slept with my ex-boyfriend. And after that, I thought that was gonna be the straw that broke the camel's back, but I I gave I forgave her, and I probably shouldn't have because it didn't stop there. So when Katie and I we had a house on Frederick, I don't know if you know about this, but I do know about this. So me and Katie had a house on Frederick, and we let my mom rent the basement of the house. Um, and at this time I thought my mom was doing better, but she was like hiding it very well. And then um I had someone who was very close to me and who was also very close to your dad at the time, um, who came to me and said, I have to tell you something, you're not gonna like this, but I have proof. Um your mom was sending nude photos to Abby's dad and trying to invite him over while you, Abby, and Katie were asleep upstairs. And when I tell you, my jaw hit the floor, like I could not believe it. And I didn't want to believe it, but obviously I seen there were screenshots, there was pictures of a phone with messages, I seen it all with my own eyes. And at that point, I was just I was so done. How did she find out? Um, because that person was with your dad, and that your dad was telling that person, and they were like, no way, show me. And then they were like, I need to tell Jess. And so she took screenshots, sent them to herself, and then showed me. At that point, I was just like, I'm so done. And she ended up moving out, anyways, because her excuse was that she was scared of Bubs. Do you remember?

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Like, bro, that's actually the most dumb excuse ever.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

Bubs would attack her though, like she had marks on her, but it's probably because he knew what kind of character she was. Yeah, Bubs sense. He clocked it. Yeah, no, he did though, for real. But yeah, like all of those things over time, it makes it really hard for me to, you know, feel bad or want to rebuild things because it is so easy to be a good mom. Like, I see how much I love you and how everything that I do, I consider you. And yeah, obviously there were times where I did things that I'm not proud of. Okay, but you were still growing up. Yeah, and like I also did it in ways that you, like you said, you had no idea. And I still looked up to you, like I praised you. Yeah. So I'm just like, how hard is it to just be a good mom, right? Now I try to, you know, every time her and I talk, and I I kind of give her a little bit of encouragement on, you know, this is how you can do better and this is how you can grow and heal and all of these things. And she expects it to happen like that. Like she wants it to happen fast. And I'm like, it's gonna take time. You don't realize that years and years of trauma and like hurting me and hurting my brother, you know, that's gonna take a long time to rebuild. It's not gonna happen overnight. I just really wish that her and I had like a mother-daughter relationship, like kind of like the one that me and you have. Me and you, we get in our little tiffs, you know, like I get cranky and I'm I get cranky and I'll snap at you sometimes, and you know, you'll be in a mood and I'll say something to you and you'll snap at me, and I kind of take it personal.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

Yeah, because like I when I get in a bad mood and like you're like, Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby, and I'm like, what do you like? I actually like, and you're like, don't talk to me like that.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

And I'm like, what like what well it's because I'll say something, I'll try to get your attention, and you don't answer, so then I repeat myself and then you don't answer again.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

So then I'm like, Abby, like because I'm trying to do something in the moment, or I'm in a bad mood, and I'm like, and you do the same. Like I'll be like, mom, mom, and you're just not answering, and then I'll I'll come downstairs and be like, Mummy, and you're like, What? Like, you know what?

SPEAKER_00 28:30

I'll also, I think that is a big like ADHD thing because I, if I'm already in a thought, or if I'm already in my phone, or if I'm already in a task, I have a hard time acknowledging anything on the outside. So Katie, like sometimes I'll be in my phone typing a message to the girls or something, and Katie will be like, babe, like blah, blah, blah, blah. And like I didn't hear her, and I don't mean to tune her out.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

I just that's like when I'm working in class and like my friends are like talking to me, and I just am locked in, like I'm entering flow state. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 29:02

It's I think that's like I do think that's part of ADHD. Not that it's an excuse because obviously you need to be able to like acknowledge the people in the moment, but if you're already locked in on something, it is hard to acknowledge the outside stuff. Yeah. Um okay, so when I tell you all of this about Nanny, does it sound like the same nanny that you know now? Like, we do you think, oh my gosh, that doesn't even feel like it could be the same person? Or is that something that's like, yeah, it kind of checks out?

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Well, I mean, it's kind of both because me and Nanny, we are super close. We talk every day. I love her so much. Like, I always see the good in her no matter what. But like I do think that that is some sh that that is something she would do. Yeah. Like I can, I know, but it's like I love her and see the good in her so much that it like maybe try not to think about that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah. And that's really good that you do try to see the good in her because she loves you and she is trying, and she's not you don't get that version of her, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

And that's okay. And that makes me happy that you are still able to have that relationship with her.

SPEAKER_01 30:10

She's always been like the best nanny to me. Like she has, you know. Like, like, I don't know. Guys, tell her everything. Yeah. Like we just have that real like that bond. And that's good. I I'm happy that you're able to have that relationship with her. And that's why, like, when you and my uncle like don't talk to her, I feel kind of bad because it's like when you guys are not in contact with her, I'm still like messaging her at the function we're at, like with all of us. Like, I'll be there. Like when I'm on my phone half the time, I am texting Nanny Shell. Which is fair.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

However, there, you know, I know that you probably know this already, but you're not like giving her a play-by-play of like what's going on with us in our lives, right? No, I don't. All right, let's switch gears a little bit here and let's talk about um my dad and my upbringing. So let's go right back to m when I was younger with him. Like I said, my mom and my dad broke up when I was seven. And I didn't see Granddad a lot in my early years. I think it was like an every second weekend, if I was lucky type thing. Um, I do remember there were a lot of times when he said he was gonna show up and he didn't, and he promised some things that, you know, promises would get broken. But then there were also a lot of times where he would pick me up for the weekend and he would take me out to his house. He was dating someone else before he was with my stepmom and your nan now. Um, and she had five kids.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

Four that lived with her. I would genuinely be so out of there. Like I'm not even joking.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

Four that lived with her. Um, and she was an alcoholic. They partied a lot. So when grandad would pick me up and bring me out there, he would either drop me off with Nanny Diane and Grandpa Art, or he would take me to her house with her other with her kids because her oldest was older than me. So she was old enough to watch us at the time. So I spent a lot of time there. And I just I remember I felt lonely even though I was around kids because I I was there to visit my dad. I wasn't there to hang out with these kids, right? And like it was just so uncomfortable for me. Um, and I mean, I did enjoy spending time with Nanny Diane and grandpa art, you know, that was fun. As time went on, granddad and her split up, and that's when grandad got with Nanny. So I was 14 when I moved in with granddad, and I thought that I was living my best life because I was dating an 18-year-old at the time. I was 14 dating an 18-year-old. He was driving us around. We were smoking in the car with him, and it was just like whatever. And then my and then dad decided, granddad decided that he was gonna move us to the country and he was gonna buy a trailer and put it on this piece of land. And I'll try not to get too deep into the story because I know Abby's getting uncomfortable and she wants to wrap this up, but this is a very important piece to my story, so I want to say. We were staying in the camp at the time for the summer, and we thought that the trailer was gonna be ready to move into. I was like 14 at the time. We thought that the trailer was gonna be ready to move into for um the end of the summer, and it wasn't. So me and Nanny and Nanny's two kids, my step siblings, we ended up living in this camp with no running water for a couple of months. Like I would say it was like, I don't know exact dates, but I know for sure it was a little bit throughout the fall. And then the trailer was finally delivered, but there was no running water and no power. But we were staying in it and we were running extension cords from the camp over to the trailer. And granddad was out west. He was out west trying to like make money, and that's how he bought the trailer. So it was just me and my stepmom and my step siblings. We had to pee and poop in a bucket and empty the bucket into an outhouse all throughout the fall and throughout the winter. Mind you, I was starting fresh grade 10 at a new high school. So I'd get picked up on the bus in the morning, and everyone knew at my school the conditions that we were living in because people talk. People talk. I had a cousin that lived down the road who wasn't the biggest fan of us, and she told people. Um, and I remember getting up, I lived so deep in the country that my bus picked us up at like seven something, like it was so early. So I remember I would get up at the crack of dawn. It would still be dark outside. I would walk to the end of the road to go to my dad's friend's house to have a shower. And also their kids, the person's house who I was showering at, their kids went to my high school and they didn't like me because I was this like random girl who was coming in to like shower at their house all the time. So I would go down there to shower and I would do my makeup in their bathroom, and then I would walk back up to the trailer, get on the bus, go to school. And keep in mind, this was a rural high school. So there were girls that grew up on like farms and like these big farmhouses. They had money, they all wore name brand clothes. And then to top it all off, I was very insecure and I wore makeup to school every single day. And didn't my makeup bag get lost the first week of school? So not only did I have to go to a brand new school with brand new kids in high school, I had to go there knowing that they all knew that I was living with no running water and no power, and then I wasn't able to wear makeup for the first week. So I was a literal ball of anxiety going to school. Um, and I lived like that for um quite some time. And then that's when I started hanging out with your dad. And then your dad would come and pick me up and he would take me to his house, and he lived in like this big fucking like four-bedroom, two-level home with like, yeah, I'm telling them, but he lived in like this big house. He had a license, his parents kind of gave him free will with the car he was able to do. So obviously, I wanted to be there more than I wanted to be home because I had no running water, no power. I was living like, you know, um, it was just it was really hard as a young girl. And I know my dad, he likes to justify it by saying, you know, like we lived like this growing up, and you know, me and my brothers helped my parents build our house. And, you know, there was five of us and a two-bedroom house and stuff. And and I get that. And, you know, it it kind of did help shape who I am today. But I shouldn't have I shouldn't have had to live like that as a 14, 15-year-old girl.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

But it was also like they were all boys, and you're a teenage girl. Like I'd be so damned. Like, imagine. Yeah. Oh no.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

And still to this day, you know, I've never really said this to him, but he has a picture of me in the middle of the winter. The snow was probably up to my knees, and it was my turn to empty the shit bucket. And I was, I used to gag so bad. You know how I am now. I have a weak stomach, right? I used to gag so bad going to empty the bucket, and I was walking through the snow, snow up to my knees, trying to empty this bucket, heavy as full of pee and poop. And granddad took a picture of me, and he would bring it up. Sometimes I don't remember the last time, but sometimes he'll still bring it up and he'll joke about like, oh, remember this picture? And it is so traumatizing to me, like so traumatizing. And I I don't think I've ever said to him, like, you know, that's a part of my life that I'm so embarrassed of and so ashamed of. And it like, it really, it's not funny. And some people might listen to this and be like, you know, it's not the end of the world, like you had a host to live in, but like, shut up. Shut up. Like, it was really hard as a 14-year-old girl in a new environment and having to deal with everything else. Anyways, I'm not gonna get too much into much more into it. You know, one thing though about him is that my grandparents taught him morals and respect. He's a very good man. He is very traditional in the sense where he wants to be the one to take care of his wife. You know, he's always been a very, very hard worker. And he and my stepmom has always been like a stay-at-home mom, takes care of the home, um, never really had to work.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

And um Granted is the reason why I locked the door behind me all the time. He got me into that habit because like when I would forget to lock the door at his house, he'd be like, Nope, nope, always make sure the door is locked no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 38:48

Yeah. And he would always say to me, like, you want to be with someone who takes care of you and who puts you first. And, you know, that's why I think he really loves Katie because he knows how much Katie loves me and he sees how much how well she takes care of me and she always puts me first. And I remember her him saying to me that when um he said the moment that he knew that Katie was the one for me was when I didn't have a car and she did, and she was taking the bus to work and let would let me have the car and so that I could drive you to school. And my dad was like, you know, that is someone who loves you and cares for you, who is willing to put themselves out to make sure that you have a car to get to yourself to work. And this was in the very beginning of our relationship, and I think that that is what, you know, was the sign for my dad that like Katie is the one. The only thing that I wish though is that we could spend more time together. And I think that I fought so hard for his time and and him to, you know, put in the effort with me that it's so hard because I always felt like I came like after my stepmom, after my step siblings, like he always put them first. Um, still to this day, one of my steps siblings lives with him and they're they're struggling, right? Like they're struggling right now. My dad's off with he just had a surgery and you know, they're a little bit struggling. And and so I just wish that I didn't have to fight for his attention. Like I wish he would try a little bit harder to put me and my brother, my older brother first. Um, because I feel like we've always just had this resentment towards him because he always put our step siblings first. And I know that he loves me. He and he's very proud of me, especially now. Like he tells me all the time, every time he hears me on the radio, how proud he is of me. But I just wish that there was more effort. Obviously, there's a lot more details in between. But like I said, we'll get into like more specific stories and stuff as the time goes on, as we get a little bit deeper into, you know, maybe next season and stuff like that. But um, that kind of just like sums up my childhood and what brought me to, you know, being 16 and pregnant. One thing I knew is that no matter what, I did not want your childhood to be similar to my childhood.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

It's not at all.

SPEAKER_00 41:08

And I'm so grateful for that and I'm so proud of me and you and the relationship that we have built. If there's anything that I want you to learn from my childhood and my story, it's that, you know, things weren't always easy and things aren't always going to be easy, but you have to try to make the best decisions for yourself, for your family moving forward. And I hope that when you grow up, you might have things that feel damaging, you know, because of maybe things with me or with your dad. And I want you to know that your childhood doesn't define you, and you can be better than how you were raised. Um, but and I hope that I'm maybe a good example of that.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

You are a good example of that. The only thing I think of is my dad. Yeah. When it comes to that stuff, because loser.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

I am so excited to wrap this up. I'm gonna go binge the entire fourth season of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. It just came out today, and I am so excited I'm off today. So that is my plan. I think this is a good place to finish off, but before I go, I just wanted to say again, I appreciate everyone who listens to this podcast. It has been fun doing this. I love sharing our story. I'm really excited to see where the future episodes are gonna take us. We do have a lot of ideas of topics that we want to talk about, but we want to hear from you guys. Like we want to know what you guys want to know. I have a thing set up on my account where if you go to the link in my bio and go to my podcast website, there is a little spot called fan mail where you're able to submit a question, a concern, anything that you want to say to us, you can enter it there, or you can send us a message on our Instagram. It's at like mother like daughter show. If you guys have any questions for us, anything that you're curious about, anything that you want us to go a little bit deeper on, please, please, please, please write us in. Um, I don't have to share your name on the podcast. I can just say a listener, you know, sent us a message and this is what they want to know. But if you are okay with us sharing your name, I will, you know, say so-and-so would like to know this, and then we can dive a little bit deeper because obviously we wouldn't be doing this podcast without you guys who listen to us every week. Um, so you guys are most important, and what you guys want to know is important to us. All right. Well, I really hope you guys enjoyed the fourth episode. Thank you all for listening. Thank you so much. We love you. You can expect a new episode every Monday of the Like Mother, Like Daughter podcast. Bye.