Teen Friendships & Why They Don’t Last

This week, we’re talking about teen friendships. What makes them strong, how they change over time, and why some don’t last.

We get into how friendships start so easily, what actually makes someone a good friend, and how expectations can look completely different depending on the person.

From there, we talk about how friendships function now: what “being close” even means, how social media plays into it, and the difference between staying in contact vs actually feeling connected.

We also get into boundaries vs loyalty, and how knowing when to protect your peace can sometimes change a friendship entirely.

Then we talk about the harder part, when things start to shift. The slow changes, the distance, and those moments where you can feel a friendship isn’t the same anymore… even if nothing specific happened.

We also touch on friendship breakups, the lack of closure, and how easy it is to fall into blaming yourself or the other person instead of actually understanding what changed.

And finally, we talk about outgrowing friendships. When nothing went wrong, but you’re just not in the same place anymore, and what those relationships still teach you, even after they end.

As always, it’s a real, honest conversation that a lot of people will be able to relate to.

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Transcript

Speaker 0:12

Hey, it's Jess. Hey, it's Abby. Welcome back to another episode of the like Mother Like Daughter Podcast. Well, it's been a little while. Yeah, it has. We had to take a little break because we've just had so much going on. Yeah, like never ending. It's been crazy. Um, but since you guys heard from us last, we have a new nephew. Abby has a new baby cousin, and I have a new nephew. Um, so that's super exciting. Um but yeah, you have been going through it with your friends lately, hey? Um Yeah, I'd say. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I was thinking about this because friendships are so weird because one minute, like, you don't know this person really, and then they just kind of you just kind of like fall into this friendship out of nowhere, and then the next thing you know, this person knows everything about you. You guys share everything in your lives together, um, and they just become a big part of your life, and sometimes it's when you least expect it, right? Yep. Um I have a question. Do you think that we choose our friends, or do you think that it just kind of happens?

Speaker 1 1:33

Um, it kind of depends. Yeah. Like sometimes you do choose your friends, and sometimes you guys just get closer.

Speaker 1:42

Yeah. Yeah, no, I get that.

Speaker 1 1:43

Like, there's a lot of girls I would love to be friends with. I'm just scared to talk to them.

Speaker 1:48

Yeah, like a lot of a lot of friendships start because of the environments you're in, right? Like school, work, like you just you spend so much time with a person, um, and then it just naturally a friendship naturally builds. Yeah. Right? In the beginning of a friendship, things feel so easy because there's no expectations, there's no pressure. Um, but then when you start to spend more time with that person, that's when tensions come and problems can arise, right? Yeah. Um, what do you think what makes you instantly click with someone?

Speaker 1 2:30

Um, if we have the same humor and like we can laugh at the same things, or if I feel comfortable enough to like actually talk to them, or if they feel comfortable to talk to me about things. Yeah. That's what makes me like know that like they're my friend.

Speaker 2:43

Yeah, like common interests and when you feel comfortable with someone and it just feels natural.

Speaker 1 2:49

Yeah, and I love when my friends can make me laugh. Like, that's one thing. Like, if you're my friend, you have to be able to make me laugh.

Speaker 2:55

Yeah, yeah, I think that's a huge thing, even friendships, relationships, because it would be pretty boring. Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:02

If you weren't laughing too much. Because, like, what?

Speaker 3:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:05

Like all my friends, we all like they make me laugh. That's one thing I love about like my friends.

Speaker 3:10

My friends are pretty funny too.

Speaker 1 3:11

Oh, I know.

Speaker 3:12

Your friend well, one of your friends cracked me up. Yeah. Um, do you think an online friendship can feel as real in person? Like as an in-person one? Sorry, let me rephrase that. Do you think online friendships can feel as real as an in-person friendship? So, for example, you're talking to somebody online that maybe you've met on social media, um, and it's kind of like an exclusively online friendship. Like you're only texting, you guys don't hang out, maybe you live in another province, but you talk every single day. Do you think a friendship like that can feel as real and genuine as someone who you spend time with in real life?

Speaker 1 3:51

Well, I've never had an online friend, but no, because it's like you guys don't even know how you act in person.

Speaker 3:58

Yeah.

Speaker 1 3:58

But like I do get it, but I feel like for me, I'd need to like know how you act in person and how you act around other people. Yeah. Because like, what if you're a like what if you don't treat your friends in real life with respect, like, and you're not a loyal friend?

Speaker 4:14

Yeah.

Speaker 1 4:14

Because like I only know you over a screen.

Speaker 4:17

Right, like on FaceTime. Yeah. And people can act different on the phone. I have two online friendships. Um, one I met actually, both of them I've met in person one time. One I spent a night with them and I spent a little bit of time with them. So I I am aware of how they act and stuff like that. And then one I just briefly met, like in passing, I stopped and we kind of had like a quick little meetup while I was in her province. But both of those friendships I feel are pretty genuine. There's one that I feel a little bit more sorry. There's one that I feel is a little bit more genuine only because of the depth of our conversations that we have. Like we do talk about pretty deep things and and she's usually always there for me, and I'm usually always there for her when we're going through something, even if it is just over text or over Snapchat or whatever. Um but it does it does feel different than what my friendships are like in real life, obviously. Yeah. Um, have you ever become friends with someone like really fast? Yeah.

Speaker 1 5:24

Yeah. I'm I think um I think I became friends with really fast.

Speaker 5:33

And look how you guys have a really good friendship too.

Speaker 1 5:36

Like you guys aren't as close as you once were, but yeah, and that hurts, but we kind of just went in different dire like this is a sensitive topic. Yeah. This is a sensitive topic for me. But we kind of just went in different directions, and I think that big fight we had really um made us change things a little bit. Yeah, which hurts because all my w uh three years ago today or my two years ago today is with him, yeah. And it's like we don't do that anymore. Yeah, that's sad when when friendships kind of go in other directions. Yeah, but she we both know that we still love each other like we did before.

Speaker 6:14

Of course, of course. Um it's funny because friendships start so easy, but then staying friends with someone long term, that is the challenging part, right? Because like you said, you guys grow, and not even just specifically, but friendships in general. You guys, you know, in the beginning it's fun and there's no expectations and there's no pressure or anything, but as obviously time goes on, you guys both grow as people, and it's very easy to kind of go in a different direction. Yeah, right? Okay, so what actually makes someone a good friend? Um so people usually value honesty, consistency, feeling understood, but those things can mean different things to different people. So for some people, loyalty means staying no matter what, and for other people it means, you know, respecting boundaries and not tolerating certain behaviors. Um I want to know like what you think, like what to you what makes a good friendship?

Speaker 1 7:30

Um, loyalty for one, respect, honesty, basically everything you just said, like just like literally everything you just said makes a good friendship.

Speaker 7:42

Yeah, I agree. I agree. Um what matters more to you? Loyalty or how someone treats you day to day.

Speaker 1 7:53

Loyalty. Yeah. Because it's like like you you can have bad days, and like me like me and Maddie, we don't talk all day, every day. Like there are some times where we like leave each other on open or like we're dry with each other, but we know it's not because we're mad at each other, we just know that we're having a bad day. We're having a bad day, or we're doing our own thing, or we don't we're not in the mood to talk. You know what I mean?

Speaker 8:18

Yeah, yeah, that's understandable. That I agree. I think like like you said, we could have an we could have an argument, we could have a disagreement, but that doesn't change how I feel about you, or it doesn't change our friendship.

Speaker 1 8:31

Yeah, but there is like some things where it's like when your friend is like repeatedly doing bad things to you or being disloyal, just being a complete fing to you every single day, and it's just like repeating. Um, you can know someone for so long and be their best friend, but honestly, like when you hit high school, you're gonna change. Like, you're gonna like want to fit in with other people and you're gonna like forget who your best friend really was. I know like that obviously hurts, but it's like you can't keep putting up with like your friend doing bad things to you all the time just because you known them for so long, but clearly they're changing.

Speaker 9:14

That's true.

Speaker 1 9:14

So it like just depends. Like you can be like acting different. Like, I don't know how to really word it, but like you said, like how they treat you day to like day to day, yeah. So it's like as long as you're not being like shady or doing anything bad, and it's just like we can be dry, but when it's like you're genuinely hurting me and like you're doing bad things to me, that's different.

Speaker 9:35

I agree, and I think like at that point, that's just not like that's just like no question, right? Yeah. But it's like if you're if you're your nails are really bugging me, the sound of them. That's ASMA. It's so loud. People are gonna love it. It's so loud. Um, yeah, if someone's just straight up disrespecting you every day and like or like every other day, and it doesn't matter how long you've been friends with them, they're not worth keeping in your life. You don't want to have someone in your life that treats you like sh.

Speaker 1 10:10

Yeah, but I I also do get that it's hard because you have this version of someone stuck in your head that you've known for years.

Speaker 10:16

Yeah.

Speaker 1 10:17

But it's also like high school does change people. Like you can know someone forever, but when you're in high school, you'll see their true colors because they want to fit in. They wanna Of course.

Speaker 10:26

Like but even if they, you know, go and try to spread their wings and grow and learn and meet new people and have new friends, if they're not valuing valuing your friendship and treating you with respect, then it in my opinion, it's like, why do I stay friends with someone? I agree. Like it's one thing to kind of have distance with that person once you know you guys kind of both get other friend groups and stuff like that. But if when you guys talk and when you guys do spend time, if it's not good or that person's not treating you well, you can let them go, right?

Speaker 1 11:03

Yeah, yeah. And it's gonna be hard, but like it's gonna be so much stress off you.

Speaker 11:10

Yeah, exactly. Um, one of my questions was do you think being a good friend means sticking through everything? And I think we kind of just touched on that. It's like it just depends. Yeah, it's like if you are going through something and your friend is there for you, that's great. That's what friends are for. But if you're and but if you're going through something and maybe your friend's also going through something and they can't be there for you in that moment the way that you want them to be, I think it's important to kind of be open-minded that sometimes your friends aren't always gonna be able to be there for you 100%. But as long as they communicate that with you, I think that that it should be something that you're like, okay, I I understand why you're not here all the time.

Speaker 1 11:52

Like, yeah, no, I get that.

Speaker 11:54

No, I think that's valid. And also when it comes to like sticking through everything, um, that doesn't mean like you allow this person to constantly treat you like crap.

Speaker 1 12:06

Yeah, no, that's just being a bad friend. Like sticking through something is when you guys get into little arguments over petty stuff.

Speaker 12:12

Yeah.

Speaker 1 12:12

And you guys still become friends like me and oh my gosh, we get into petty little arguments every single day. Yeah. But after we're just like, okay, love you. Yeah. Cause it's like, like, we literally gone to like an argument in the bathroom because she was digging for a nail glue my makeup bag and she was spilling my makeup all over the bathroom, and I was like, what the f are you doing? Like, oh my god. And then we just got into a big argument, and then after I was like, Okay, love you, gotta go. And she was like, Love you. And everyone in the bathroom was like actually thought we were getting into an argument. Everyone was staring at us.

Speaker 12:39

And you're like, nah, this is just how we This is yeah, we spend so much time with each other, so we just get annoyed. What would make you look at a friend differently? Like, what are some things that like friends could do to you that would make you feel different about them as a friend?

Speaker 1 12:54

Um I think not respecting boundaries. Like, I don't want to seem like a controlling friend, but there are some things that like I think is going too far. Like, honestly, I'll give you multiple chances to fix your sht and like understand my side, I'll give you chances, but after those chances, like I'm just gonna cut you off.

Speaker 13:22

So, what would be an example of like breaking a friend boundary that would make you want to cut someone off?

Speaker 1 13:28

If I am trying to heal from this past friendship, and me and this friend, we've had so much issues, like really intense issues, like not just me, but my friend group. And it's definitely one of the biggest friendship loss I've ever had. Yeah. Um, and I'm like friends with you, and I let you in, I take you under my wing, whatever.

Speaker 13:51

And like confide in that person.

Speaker 1 13:53

Yeah, and I like really like I like consider you one of my bestest friends. And I tell you, like, I don't feel comfortable if like you hang out, like if you hang out with her, like I just don't like that. Not because I want to be a controlling friend, but I think there's a difference between like it would be a different story if they were friends before me and her, because and then I'm like, okay, well that's that's been your friend, so our problems don't yeah, yeah. But it's like you guys weren't friends, and then you got close with me, and then I tell you about the the whole situation, and then I give you multiple chances.

Speaker 14:34

And then you befriend the person that hurt me the most.

Speaker 1 14:37

Yeah, and it's just like I'm not trying to be a controlling friend, and I just think it's about loyalty and respect, and you know, like they're like, but like I can be friends with whoever I want. Like, yeah, no, honestly you can, but there's a thousand people in this school. There's so much kids in our school, and the one person I told you, like, hey, I and I don't even have problems with them, like I genuinely don't. I'll always still love them, like yeah, because I like I like they know me inside and out. They don't know me now, but they've known me like before.

Speaker 15:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1 15:08

So it's just like I'll always love them and we've had our ups and downs, but I just want them to know that I love them and like I don't have any problems with them.

Speaker 15:15

I just Yeah, but if you if you went through something so traumatic with a person and then you confide in one of your best friends about this and they know how deeply hurt you were by that person, and then they go and befriend that person behind your back. I don't think I think that is just straight up disrespect and disloyal because I'm sorry if, say, for example, was telling me about someone that she had this like really bad friend breakup with, and she, you know, this person traumatized her and stuff, and then I went and made friends with her. I like I just wouldn't. I could never imagine doing that to my friend. Like, why would I even want to be friends with someone who put my friend through so much pain? Yeah.

Speaker 1 15:59

And I wouldn't even say this girl traumatized me. I just think it's one of the most biggest friendship breakups I've ever went through.

Speaker 16:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:06

Because, you know, we were so, so close at one point.

Speaker 16:10

And it definitely doesn't matter who the person is or whatever, when something like this happens in a friend group, it's going to cause a little bit of like trust issues. It's gonna make it harder for you to really let somebody in. And then the fact that you did that, you met your you didn't meet somebody, but you you know, got close with someone and then let that person in, even with all of your like trust issues and stuff like that from your other friendships, and then they go and betray you in that way. I think that's that's like super deep. Yeah. Yeah. Same in your guys' like generation and like in high school, like a typical close friendship. What what does that look like from the outside looking in?

Speaker 1 16:54

Like, you know, everything about me. Like we tell each other everything. Um, we know that we're there for each other, we hang out all the time. And like I said, like loyalty and respect. Like you genuinely like have each other's backs. Yeah.

Speaker 17:08

Yeah. Do you guys talk every day?

Speaker 1 17:10

Yeah, we talk every day, but I wouldn't say all day every day, but we do talk every day. There are some friends that I don't talk to every day, and I swear it's not because I'm trying to be a b. It's just because like life's busy.

Speaker 17:21

Life's busy.

Speaker 1 17:22

But I do try to talk to my friends every day.

Speaker 17:24

Yeah. But um, what was I gonna say? Um, I feel like the close friends that you have that you don't talk to every day. I feel like as long as you're touching base with them, like here and there, and just checking in and being like, hey, like hope things are good with you, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I feel like that's okay. And I actually kind of respect those friendships because like I have friends like that, specifically like and her and I don't talk every day. Maybe we talk sometimes. We'll talk like every other day. Sometimes we won't talk to each other for a couple of weeks, but when we do talk to each other, it's like we pick right back up where we are, and every so often we'll message each other and be like, Hey Boo, like how are you? What's new?

Speaker 1 18:12

Like, I do think I need to work on doing that. Yeah. But I it's like I see my like I see those people at school every single day. True, true. So it's a little different for me. Yeah, it's a little different because I see you every day, but I like sometimes I do feel guilty because I do text some of my friends more than I do the others, but it's not because I'm trying to be a it's just because yeah, it's not like you care less about that person. You're just there's a lot going on and yeah, but I do need to work on like texting, reaching out more.

Speaker 18:42

Yeah, that's fair. Do you think like keeping up on social media, on each other's social media, um, would be considered like keeping up a f keeping up on a friendship?

Speaker 1 18:54

Um, like not really, because I mean, what like how?

Speaker 19:01

So for example, you have a friend that you don't talk to on text every day, you don't see them every day, but you are always, you know, commenting on their posts and you're liking their stories and stuff like that. Like that counts as kind of checking in and yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 19:20

Yeah, but I like me and like for example, we don't really like sometimes we comment on each other's posts, but most of the time we don't even like it because we're just yeah. It's like me and are too close. Like we're best, like we're literally sisters. Yeah. So it's just like we know that like we think each other's pretty, we know that we think each other's hot. Like we don't need to like do that. But obviously there are some times where we do because like we're best friends, but it's not all the time. Right.

Speaker 19:47

It's funny because me and L always make the joke that we're the closest, we are each other's best friends, and we talk every single day, but we have no pictures with each other.

Speaker 1 19:57

Bro, me because when we see each other, we're just too busy talking about you know we don't ever take selfie security. I swear me and have no good pictures. We may have like three. Yeah. And me and like we have like two.

Speaker 20:10

Yeah, it's because when you're with that person, you're just so focused on being in the moment that you could think to take pictures.

Speaker 1 20:16

And well, me and we have a lot of pictures, but they're not good. Like that's why we don't post each other.

Speaker 20:21

Like well, it's because you're not showing up with each other like with like full beat on. You're just like in your sweats with your hair tied up.

Speaker 1 20:27

I after this, I need to show you the video that Maddie made about all of our bad pictures.

Speaker 20:31

It's so funny. At what point is it protecting your peace versus just giving up on a friendship? Wait, can we say that again? Sorry. So at what point is protecting your is it protecting your peace over like just giving up on a friendship? So like you are in a situation with a friend and it's like you know it's not good for you, or something, and you're like, okay, I need to take a step back because I need to protect my peace, or it's like maybe it's really not bothering you, but you are just kind of over this friendship, and you're just like, I you know what, I just don't even want to be friends with them anymore. And I and then you just take a step back. So there's like two different things, like you're trying to just like you don't want to be their friend anymore, or like you can't really be their friend anymore.

Speaker 1 21:17

Like, I just say the same thing. Like, if you do something shady behind my back or like you're not respecting me, or like you're being disloyal, like there are some things where like I did let slide and I'll be like, okay, that's fine, like whatever, just like don't do it again. Yeah. But then when it's like you do it again and again, it's like obviously I still want to be your friend, but for my own good and for my for for protecting my peace, I I can't be your friend. But I don't know. Friendship breakups are really hard for me. Cause I get like like when you're my friend, I'll genuinely give you like my all.

Speaker 21:57

Yeah, like ride or die for you. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. And I think like when it comes to protecting your peace versus kind of just throwing a friendship away, protecting your peace would be when there's something that could cause detriment in your life. Like you're like, this is gonna take this person down the wrong path. I don't, I can't move forward with this friendship. Where just giving up on a friendship is just like this person to me is boring. We have nothing in common anymore. Like it's it's just going nowhere. It's just doing nothing for me.

Speaker 1 22:29

You know what I mean? Yeah, but like also, like there's a girl that like is my friend, I think, but we don't really have much in common, and like we don't really talk a lot, but like we talk in class, and like I do consider her one of my friends, but we don't talk at all outside of school. Yeah, so that would be like an acquaintance, right? Yeah, she's yeah, but she is the sweetest. You can cut this part up, but like yeah, yeah.

Speaker 22:53

No, that's fair. And like also another thing with her is that you guys go way back. Yeah. You guys been in school together since you were. She watched me break a sink in school. And also was there when you broke your arm, right? Yep.

Speaker 1 23:06

Yeah. And so was there she tried to catch me when you broke your arm? When I broke my arm, she tried to catch me the first time. I was on the monkey bars with her and b and p tried to catch me. That's so crazy.

Speaker 23:17

And b was just like, oh my god. Do you think people cut friends off too easily now?

Speaker 1 23:24

Um like yeah. But like not real like I feel like you have to do something like pretty because this generation friends just like don't friend. No. Like they don't like it's different, but I have my group of friends, like I have my people, and like we would never do shit like that to each other. But new friends, I feel like when you're not mature and you like you're still stuck in like junior high and you haven't really matured, it's like different, you know what I mean?

Speaker 23:57

I feel like when people are like in that mindset, they just don't take their friendships as seriously.

Speaker 1 24:03

Yeah, they just are like, oh my god, I have so much friends, but it's like, what's the point of having all these friends if you're not loyal to them and you don't actually respect them? You know what they say?

Speaker 24:12

A friend to all is a friend to none. Clock it, no, no yeah. Thank you, no yeah. That's what that's actually that's an actual saying. When friendships kind of start to change, that's kind of what I want to that I can't speak. That's kind of what I want to talk about now. Have you ever felt a friendship changing before it actually ended? Like, could you feel like I feel like this is going in a direction where we might not be friends much longer? Yeah. You have, yeah. Yeah. And like, what did that feel like?

Speaker 1 24:42

It felt like pretty upsetting, but also just like maybe like I just tell myself, maybe this is better. I always tell myself everything happens for a reason. Like that's like one of the things I tell myself every single day. It's true.

Speaker 24:55

Like when something wrong happens, I'm just like, well, everything happens for a reason. Yep, you know what they say, when one door closes, another door opens. So God is just making room. It's a freaking quote, man. God's just making room in your life for other people to come in, right? Kind of giving millennial this episode. Um, for me, I've had friends where I could feel them coming to an end because we were just like our hobbies and interests were changing, or we started to not have things in common anymore. And I kind of felt that a lot when I quit drinking, a lot of my friends not like on purpose, but we kind of just drifted because we bonded over like going for drinks or going out and partying together. And when I stopped doing that, you know, naturally we kind of just fell apart. And that doesn't mean I don't care about these people just as much because there's one girl specifically I don't see very often, but when I do see her, it's like we're right back to like how we were, and then we do check in on each other sometimes. Like she'll message me, she listens to the podcast, she'll message me and like clock some funny stuff that we're talking about, or like I'll see her out and about or whatever. And it's always, you know, we always have good conversation, and I care and love that person just as much now as I did when we were drinking and hanging out and whatever. But I do think that you can kind of feel a friendship fading, and and that's okay because who knows, like those friendships might come back into your life another time. Yeah. You know what I mean? They you know what they say, friends are in your life for what is it? A reason or a season. A reason or is that it? A reason or a season? Like, I don't even know what you're saying anymore. Talking about like friendship breakups, I feel like a friendship breakup is like the weirdest and hardest kind of breakup, especially if you compare it to like a partner. Yes, you know, a breakup with like a boyfriend or girlfriend hurts, but friendship breakups hurt probably worse, I think. Do you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 27:07

I mean I don't know. I feel like a breakup breakup hurts a little bit more for me.

Speaker 27:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1 27:17

But friendship breakups definitely hurt me a lot.

Speaker 27:21

Yeah.

Speaker 1 27:21

Like a lot.

Speaker 27:22

Well, it's because you you once had this person in your life that you could turn to to look for support to talk to about your relationships and things and vent to and ask for advice.

Speaker 1 27:35

But now it's just like we walk past each other like we're strangers.

Speaker 27:38

And that's weird.

Speaker 1 27:39

Yeah, and it's it's weird in high school because we have c like you could have classes together and you're just like, huh. And especially because all of the other students in the class were like, wait, weren't they just sitting together? Bro, I hate bro. Like, literally, the a teacher was like, Why aren't you guys sitting together? And I'm just like, your business. Like, mind your business. Like, why are we doing it?

Speaker 28:00

Read the room, teach. No, like the room. Genuinely read the room. So the friendship breakups that hurt the most are the ones that kind of go off into the distance without any real conversation, without any confrontation. You know, the distance just kind of grows and grows and grows, and then it's just awkward and and two people left trying to figure out what happened. I mean there I have started some convert confrontation. Yeah, but I just mean like in a conversation that's or in a friendship that's not when something doesn't happen, you guys just kind of like fall apart. Oh yeah. Yeah. Um what hurts more? Losing a friend suddenly or like slowly over time?

Speaker 1 28:47

Probably probably over time.

Speaker 28:52

Yeah.

Speaker 1 28:52

Because it's just like we just drift.

Speaker 28:56

And you have more time to kind of wonder why what happened and where things went wrong, right? Um, when when a friend breakup happens, do you think that you need closure and there needs to be some sort of conversation?

Speaker 1 29:12

Sometimes. Yeah. Some sometimes I don't give a f. Sometimes like I genuinely like want to have a conversation with them. Yeah. And just like like know that we still like love each other, but it's just we're not the same person. We're not the same people.

Speaker 29:26

Yeah, because if it's something like what we were just talking about, like a friendship that fades over time, you kind of need that closure to be like, okay, look, like obviously we need to address the elephant in the room. We haven't been seeing each other, we haven't been vibing as much, but just know that I love you and I care about you and I'm rooting from you rooting for you from afar. And then with the friendships that have the friendship breakups that happened suddenly, it's obviously something happened to cause that friendship breakup. So then you need that closure so that you guys can both kind of like put it to rest and move on. Yeah. Right. So that's why those conversations are important. I agree. I agree. So I feel like after a friendship ends, your brain kind of immediately tries to figure out who was right and who was wrong, right? Like I think that's a natural thing to be like, they were wrong. I wasn't wrong, I didn't do anything. They were wrong.

Speaker 1 30:22

Yeah, but it's really important to see your wrongs.

Speaker 30:26

I agree.

Speaker 1 30:27

Because like they can be wrong, but you can also be wrong because I can say like fully that that the that person was wrong for what they did, but I was wrong for how far I took it. And I wasn't trying to like be just a b and be like trying to show that I'm tough or whatever. I was genuinely coming from a place of like hurt, hurt, and like like I saw them every day together, and it was just building up, building up, building up. And I just I just lashed out. And every time I saw them, I would just say sh and I regret it so much because that wasn't right. I feel like that was kind of my defense mechanism, like knowing how bad they hurt me, but it definitely got way too far.

Speaker 31:10

And I think that's honestly normal, and a lot of the time anger stems from hurt and heartbreak, and you know, um, but it's good that you're able to look at that and be like, I was wrong for the way that I handled that situation.

Speaker 1 31:25

Yeah, no, I definitely was, and I feel like I could have just left it alone, but I had a lot of anger and I just kind of let it out, and that's on me.

Speaker 31:34

Do you think that someone always has to be the bad person in a situation? Or do you think that it's possible that like you know, both of you guys played your not in your case specifically, but in general, um, that it's possible that both people kind of played a role in the friendship breakout?

Speaker 1 31:53

Yeah, no, I think there's definitely like two sides. Yeah. But of course there are gonna be some times where you someone just did you straight up wrong and they're the bad guy, but 100%. There's it's but it's not always like that.

Speaker 32:05

It's always both. Another quote, you know what they always say. There's no there's three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.

Speaker 1 32:14

Alright. Like cut it with the millennials.

Speaker 32:18

Abby's like, enough with the quotes, please. Do you think it's harder to move on when you don't have someone to blame? Like if you were both equally responsible for the friendship breakup, do you think that makes it harder to move on?

Speaker 1 32:32

No, I think it's it actually depends on who you are, but for me, I think it's like I can settle with the fact that like we were both wrong and like Yeah, and you can accept that and move on.

Speaker 32:44

I can accept that. That's mature. That's really mature. Um I do think that it's easier when there's someone to blame because I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but for it's just easier for me to walk away knowing that that person did me dirty rather than Oh yeah, like same. Yeah like same. Yeah. Because when you just kind of agree to disagree or just kind of silently move on from a friendship, it makes it harder because you're like, no one really did anything wrong, but I and I miss that person, but we're just different now and things aren't the same. So there's always that lingering sadness feeling. Whereas when when something happens and that person, you know, did you dirty, it's like they did they disrespected me. They did something that I could never forgive, and I can just wash my hands, wash my hands clean with them. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. We kind of touched on this part already just in our conversations, but the next topic that I have written down is like a growing friendship. So like I think the hardest thing with a friendship breakup is like realizing that nothing happened, you just kind of grew apart. And like I said, we already kind of touched on that part. Like people change, life changes, you guys kind of go in different directions, and that's okay. Um, but I think that if you really care about a person and you really care about someone's friendship, no matter how much distance or time has been between you guys, I think it is important to communicate, like, hey, like I know I haven't seen or talked to you in a long time, but I just want you to know, like, I've been thinking about you and like Yeah, but there is a difference between that and like just straight up not being a good friend. Oh, a hundred percent. If someone's be not being a good friend, I think you know, you can just kind of silently move on. But with friendships that just silently fade, there's nothing there was never no bad blood or anything. I think it's important to just kind of communicate that with each other. Yeah. Have do you think that you've ever outgrown, outgrown a friend? Like nothing ever happened, you just kind of went your own directions and you're not friends anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Um what did that like? What was that like?

Speaker 1 34:55

Um I don't really remember because it was a while ago. Yeah. But I just felt like they were going in a complete different direction that I was going in, and I also was like, because there's two people I'm thinking about, like I was also going in a complete different direction than she was, but now like I don't even see one of them, but like one of them I still see in the halls, and it's just like so weird because I don't even remember how it all went down. These are okay, these are like the final closing questions that I have.

Speaker 35:32

Amazing. Um what's the biggest lesson that you have ever learned from a friend chip?

Speaker 1 35:42

Um, some people's morals aren't the same as mine, and some people's mindsets are different than mine, and some people aren't as mature as me. And that's probably the biggest lesson I've learned.

Speaker 35:56

For me, I would say that I have to not expect me and other people.

Speaker 1 36:02

Bro, I tell bro, ever since you told me that, I like to tell that to everyone that like I give advice to about that stuff.

Speaker 36:09

It's true because the friend that I might be to my friends doesn't mean that my friends are gonna be the same to me.

Speaker 1 36:16

I think that's that's one of the lessons I learned too. Because you definitely opened my eyes with that one.

Speaker 36:21

Yeah, and I also think another one is not telling my friends literally every single detail about my life, because it can come back to bite you in the butt later on. Because you obviously you trust your friends right now and you don't expect them to like hold that against you in the future, but you never know what will happen. And if you tell somebody all of your deepest, darkest secrets, and then they you guys have a falling out or something happens and you're not friends anymore, they have so much power to like turn on you and ruin your try to ruin your life. And so that's definitely a lesson that I've learned. Um and that not every friendship is meant to last forever, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't matter or it didn't matter in that moment, and that they weren't a good friend to me or special to me or mean something to me in the moment.

Speaker 1 37:17

Yeah, I really hope that when this all blows over, and hopefully, like maybe next year even, like we can all just try to like move on, like move on again. Not even just be friends again, but like just be able to be civil, maybe civil, like have convers like I don't know. That probably won't happen if I'm being honest, but Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 37:38

What advice would you give to someone who's in a situation where they're dealing with maybe a friend who isn't being a good friend to them day to day? Maybe they're going through something and they're they're kind of taking it out on you. Um, what would be your advice to know? Like, is this something worth putting in effort in, or is this something that I need to have respect for myself to walk away? Like, what what advice would you give someone in that situation?

Speaker 1 38:05

Like, you can know someone so much and you can know someone for so long, but at the end of the day, when you're growing up and you are a teenager and you're figuring out more about yourself, um, people can just change. And it's like, don't blame yourself and don't blame like, oh, like, did I do something wrong? Like, no, like you genuinely just need to, like, like you said, stop expecting yourself and other people. And if this friend is not making you feel good and they're making you cry and they're making you second guess yourself, then why are you still friends with them? Like, you can put up with someone for so long, but at the end of the day, people are gonna change and you need to realize that and it's gonna be hard, but is it worth it to feel like that every day because of someone or to choose yourself and choose your peace and exactly be at peace with yourself?

Speaker 38:57

Yeah, I think it's important to when you're you know in a situation with a friend and you don't really know if this friendship is going anywhere or whatnot, and you know, you're feeling disrespected. I think it's important to really sit back and like weigh out the pros and cons of the relationship or the friendship. And then if you're feeling some sort of way, I think it's also important to try to communicate that with that person. And if it and depending on how they take your concern also says a lot about the friendship, because if they get defensive and they they kind of, you know, get mad and get upset with you because you're um voicing your concerns, I think that's obviously a red flag. But if they're taking your concerns into consideration and they're willing to kind of, you know, see where you're coming from, then obviously maybe there might be it might be worth working on, but I think ultimately you kind of need to say, like, where is this friendship going in the future? Like, do you see it getting better or do you see it only getting worse? And I think that no matter how much someone is going through something in their own personal life, it doesn't give them a right to take it out on their friends. So if that is the excuse that they're constantly using over and over and over again, then you need to say, like, they're gonna go through stuff their entire lives, right? Like life's always gonna be up and down. And do you want to be a punching bag for that person? Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. Um, all right. Well, I think we will wrap up the friendship um chat now. We'll get into the hot not. Okay, so I picked these because they're kind of based on friendship situations. Okay. So hot or not, first one. Stop reaching out first just to see what happens. Hot or not. Hot, yeah. Yeah, because if you're always the first one reaching out to someone, you know? Like you don't always want to be the first one to call or text or try to make a plan with someone because then it just feels like the friendship is one-sided. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Um, you feel like you've outgrown a friend, but nothing bad actually happens. Yeah. Like yeah. Kind of like what we talked about. It's okay for you kind of you guys to kind of grow apart as long as you know that person knows that you still care about them and you can't face it with them once in a while, right? Um your friend becomes really close with someone that you introduce them to.

Speaker 1 41:32

Not, bro, like, bruh. That's so annoying.

Speaker 41:35

Isn't that so annoying when you have two friends and you introduce them and then they become like best friends and start leaving you out of things? Yes.

Speaker 1 41:47

I know you know ball with that one. Bro, my mom knows ball with that.

Speaker 41:52

Yeah, I and it goes even deeper. My story with that, it goes even deeper, but I'm not gonna get into it here, but I don't like when that happens. It and that probably makes me sound selfish and and jealous, but it's just like it's not even that they're becoming friends that hurts me. It's when they leave things, leave me out of things or lie to me about being so close or like that's what's shitty. Um okay, so you stay neutral in a situation where your friend is clearly upset with someone, hot or not. Wait, what? What does that even mean? You stay neutral with someone. So say, for example, your best friend, say not even your best friend, say you have two friends and they're in an argument, but you're friends with both of them, and you're staying neutral because you're friends with both of them. That's valid, hot, like honestly. Yeah, I think that's true too. I think like if you have two friends that are going through something, it's not fair of you to pick sides. Yeah, no, I would never pick sides. Unless one person did something that was very out of line. Yeah. Then that's understandable. Because then you can go to that other friend that went and did that thing and be like, yeah, what you did to so-and-so was very out of line. Like, you know what I mean? And I think it's also important to um like have your friends back when that happens. But if it's just like a silly argument that like no one really did anything or like something stupid happened, just a disagreement. Yeah, and you don't agree with it and you're just like, I'm staying out of this. Like, I think that's I think that's a mature way to handle that. Yeah. Right. Um your friend shares their opinion about your life choices when you didn't ask them. It's almost like when you're venting to a friend and you know, you just want them to listen, but then they start offering you advice and okay.

Speaker 1 43:48

Like, I think if you just want to rant or you like you want advice, you need to tell me that, or you need to tell them that. But like you can just be like, I just want to rant. Like, I don't want advice, I just wanna tell you how. I feel or you can be like, I need your advice.

Speaker 44:02

I agree. Your friend holds you accountable in a way that feels harsh but honest.

Speaker 1 44:07

Huh? I like I feel like that's like what a good friend does. I could say something like so I could be like rude about it, but like listen to what I'm saying, don't listen to how I say it.

Speaker 44:17

But delivery is also okay. Yeah, but it's also just like sometimes though, when you say it in a nice, like sometimes your delivery is good, but they're not they're not hearing you because you're too gentle. Yeah, so you need to like stand up. Yeah, that's fair. Um, okay, you don't show up to something important because you're overwhelmed, hot or not.

Speaker 1 44:43

Like hot and not. Because it kind of just depends on how serious it is. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 44:50

Because I think that taking care of yourself is number one. Because, no offense, but none of your friends are gonna be taking care of you when you're down and out, or if something bad were to happen to you, they're not gonna be there wiping your ass if you got a car accident or something like that. However, if you're just like having a bad day, you're sad, whatever, and your friend has something that's like super important and they need you to show up for them, and maybe you play an important role in this, like you're supposed to lend them a hand with something and you don't show up. I think that is shitty because what do you mean you can't pull yourself together for three hours to come help me with this event that you promised me you would help me with? Yeah. Things like that. Um, so I think it's definitely situational for sure, depending on how like severe each situation is. Um, this is the last one. So you don't invite a friend because you know they won't enjoy it, hot or not.

Speaker 1 45:47

I mean, it's always good to invite them, but I don't know if I've ever did that or not.

Speaker 45:52

I think that's I'm gonna say I'm not because you can assume that I'm not gonna enjoy it, but you don't know for sure. And maybe it's not my thing, but maybe I could use a girl's night out. Yeah. And maybe I just need my friends. So I think that always extending the invite is important, regardless if you think that person's gonna enjoy themselves or not. Yeah, you work. You don't ever want to make your friend feel left out. Yeah. Or singled out. Um, okay, so that wraps up the hot or not. Um, let's do our sleigh and struggle of the week. Amazing. What was your struggle? We'll do like the last two weeks because we haven't recorded the podcast. We missed last week. So let's do like in the last two weeks since we recorded last, what would your struggle be?

Speaker 1 46:41

My struggle would be um probably falling out with one of my friends. Yeah. And then me just being a complete f bitch about it. Spiraling. Just absolutely like like making her life hell when I didn't have to. Yeah. And just taking it too far. Yeah.

Speaker 47:04

Like d I don't know why I did that shit though, but it's so good that you can reflect back on that and see that and take accountability for that, and especially so soon, because not a lot of people in general, especially girls your age, are able to do that. So you should be proud of yourself for that. Um, my struggle of the week is probably my struggle of the week was having to cancel the podcast last week. I felt so bad for that, and it made me feel so guilty. And yeah, I was low-key, like damn. I was sad, but I had so much on the go the last two weeks. Yeah, like crazy. Um, what was your slay of the week or the last two weeks? Um my little cousin being born. Yeah, I love that. Um, so mine, I actually have three because um I just had a lot of good things. So, first one, nephew was born, obviously. Um, I won tickets to a Thunderbirds game through my work. So that's fun. I'm gonna go do that on Saturday. And it's burger week, and I freaking love burger week. It is one of my favorite times of the year. So Bro, I'm so like I don't even like burgers. I know, but I I love burgers, and I have my first collab for Burger Week tonight, so I'm super excited to get that done. Period. Um, so yeah, that wraps it all up. Um I just want to say thank you to everyone who has reached out in the last week with me canceling the podcast and just, you know, being so understanding of me taking some time that I needed with how busy I've been. And I want to thank everyone for listening because I've got so many messages from random people on the internet just saying how much that they've resonated with this podcast. And that's exactly what we wanted. We wanted, you know, people to not feel so alone, maybe people feel understood, whether you're a teenager or a parent. Um, and so I'm so grateful for all of you guys. Um, you can follow along on our Instagram page at Lake Mother Like Daughter Show. Um, and you can always send us a text if you ever want to say anything or ask us any questions, we'd be happy to answer them. But I I'm gonna end this here. Um I love you all. Love you all, and we can expect another episode next Monday. Bye guys. Bye.