Why Your Teen Stops Talking to You (And How to Fix It)

This week, we’re talking about communication between parents and teens, why it changes, why conversations start to feel harder, and what might be causing it.

We get into things like timing, overreacting, feeling embarrassed, and why teens don’t always open up the way they used to. We also talk about how not everything should be taken personally, and what actually helps create a space where conversations feel easier.

It’s a real, honest look at both sides, and what it takes to meet in the middle.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hey, it's Jess. Hey, it's Abby. Welcome back to another episode of the Like Mother Like Daughter Podcast. Good morning. How are you? Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Cranky today? Yes. Why? Because I'm tired and nothing's working.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Yeah, it's been a complicated morning for us here this morning. Um, but it's Friday, thank God. And this weekend is going to be my first weekend, like a paid vacation weekend. I have never had that before. So this is fun for me. I have a wedding to go to this weekend. So it's gonna be a good weekend. Anyway, this is episode nine. You guys, I kind of wanted to talk about, you know, the transition of your kids going from being a little kid and talking your ear off to kind of growing up and, you know, wanting space from their parents. Um, and then, you know, teenagers, you know, they don't really like to spend a whole lot of time with their parents. So that's kind of what I wanted to talk about now. Um, because I just like I was thinking the other day that Abby used to come home from school and just talk and talk and talk and talk my ear off, right? And every little detail about her day she would tell me. And not that she doesn't do that anymore. I mean, I feel like you still tell me like all the tea and what's going on and stuff like that at school and you know, keep me up with your work and stuff, but it's not the same. Like, when you're a little kid, you're just you want to talk about anything and everything. Like, did you know this and did you know that? And when you were little and you used to talk my ear off, and I had just gotten home from work, maybe I would feel like a little tired, and I'm like, you know. Not that I would be annoyed, but it's just like I just would always need a minute. But I think I kind of like took that for granted because now it's like I have to like beg you to watch a movie with me or like watch a show or something like that. So I just think like as parents, we sometimes take that stuff for granted because it, you know, it happens so fast. What makes you feel like not wanting to talk sometimes? Like, how do you feel when you're like in a bound mood or something and you just you're like, I just don't want to talk. I just kind of want to go to my room and keep to myself for a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

Like when I'm tired, when I had a bad day at school, when you off, like anything.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Um okay, besides the part of me you off, is it something that like I do? Is it something that like I as a parent or we as parents should take personal? Or is that just like you're just like I just had a long day and I just get away?

SPEAKER_01 3:06

It's literally just like I had a bad day, I'm tired. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Like that's fair.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Like yesterday after because I was so tired and I just wanted to sleep. Like right when I go home, I just took a nap and I slept the whole night.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Yeah, you did. I know I texted you at like nine and I said goodnight and you were snoozing. Yeah. Um so it's funny because I I never really noticed like the shift until I was reading something the other day about how our our teenagers go from like these little kids who just want to chat and tell us like all the facts that they've learned and you know, just chat our ears off about anything and everything, um, whether we cared to listen or not. And now it's like I kind of have to, I'm always the one to make conversation first. And I'm like, when did I like when did that change, right? And looking back, it's so hard to like pinpoint the the moment, but it's like our kids start to grow up, they start to grow into their own person, and like you as a teenager, like you went from elementary school to junior high, you started to kind of find your friends and and kind of have it your own life, and now you're in high school. Um, so you have better things to do than to talk to me and no, I wouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

It's just like it literally, because there are some days where I do come home and I tell you about my day and stuff, but it literally just depends on like my mood, because my mood's different every day. Yeah. Like every day. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Um but sometimes I do take it personal, even though I know like I was a teenager once, and I know that, you know, like you said, even as an adult too, sometimes we're just not in the mood to talk. Sometimes we just need like a window period, or we just, you know, we're we're sometimes I get into a deep dive into a show and I don't feel like talking or whatever, but um, I do always appreciate when you do come to me and you're like, oh yeah, I guess what happened today? And then you sit at the end of my bed for 35 minutes and tell me a story with every single detail. Yeah. So, like us as parents, we sometimes kind of, you know, take things personal when our teenagers come home and they just wanna go right to their room, close their door behind them, and they don't want to talk, and it feels, you know, like they're pulling away from us and like they want their own independence. And then we'll just like overthink it because we're like, okay, what have we done wrong? Or is there something wrong? And immediately my brain starts to panic and think, like, d did something happen today? Is that why she's upset? Um, did I do something? Is that why she's not talking to me about it? But I think like it just comes down to like teenagers need their space. And yeah, like we're just freaking tired, bro. Like do you feel like you need more space from me or just more space to yourself in general now than you did when you were like a little bit younger?

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Yes, because uh when I was younger, we finger painted at school. We read books, we watched movies. Now it's like finish this assignment in 10 minutes and you have to like put your all into it and whatever. And it's like everyone's yelling. There's so like it's just a lot, like high school so much nowadays because it's not even about learning anymore, it's about passing and getting a grade.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Okay, question Do you ever avoid talking to me on purpose or it's just like something that's not on your mind? Like you're like you're just like in your head, you're like, I'm not avoiding my mom, I just don't feel like talking today.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Sometimes, sometimes I don't talk to you for a reason because you like me off, or you don't let me do something, or you're just like being annoying. Like what? Like, I'll be like, I'll just tell you I have the headache, and you're just like, because Abby, you don't eat and like you just need to drink water, and like it's and I'm like, Mom, I'm literally having such a bad day, like I don't want to be here, like I feel so drained, and you're like, Abby, you have to do it, it's a responsibility. Like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

If I let you leave school every single time that you told me you had a headache, you would never be at school.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Well, well, no, not every single time. But when I'm actually telling you, like, Mom, this is so draining, like I feel like disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

When you are really sick and you're like not good, I can tell. And like, I let you go home. Yeah. There are times when I do let you go home. But let's be real. Every week on a Monday morning, I'm like, okay, we're gonna try this week to not ask me to go home early and not ask me to stay home today because or this week because we cannot get through one week without you asking me to leave early.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Because school is literally the most interesting thing. And I know like you're like, school goes new blah blah blah, but like it's so different.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

I know, I know it's hard because I struggled with school too. Like I graduated with like math essentials and very like small, like easy courses, but it is still your main responsibility, and it is a requirement to be there as much as possible. So, and you know, you're already missing enough time when it comes to the school. I want to be homeschooled. I can't homeschool you. Like, I have way too much. No, you wouldn't be my teacher. And I'm not even I'm not even smart enough. How do you think homeschools work? There's not like a teacher that comes to your school that comes to your office. No, I know. It's just like you just do the work. Okay, so while we're on the topic of like you avoiding me only when I you off, let's talk a little bit about like parents who are embarrassing or like trying too hard, like trying to be cool and things like that. Would you consider me like an embarrassing parent? Sometimes. What do I do, or what have I done that has embarrassed you?

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Like I don't even know. Just like some things you say, or some things you do, or you're just like like my millennial quotes. You just try to be a bitch when I'm with my friends, and you're just like, I don't even know. No, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

No, not even so nice to you when your friends are here.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

No, even no, not even trying to be a bit, but you just like I don't know. Like when? Give me an example. I don't know. If you can't even think of an example, then I'm trying to think of an example. Well, if you can't even think of anything, it must not be that bad. Oh my god, no, I can't think of something, but when I'm put on the spot, I can't think like this to me all the time. Like, I'll tell him that he does something, he's like, oh yeah, it was the last time I did that, and now I can't think of when he last did that because I just don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

Is it like the things that I say or like the way that I act, or is it just because like I'm your mom? Like if it was another friend's mom that did it, would it be embarrassing?

SPEAKER_01 9:49

No, I don't think any of my moms or any of my friends' moms are embarrassing, even though they think they are. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

So do you think that your friends think I'm embarrassing? Probably. Obviously, doesn't I love that? That's so funny. Is there anything that I do that you think is cringy? Some of your TikToks.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

Like what? I don't know. Like, stop asking me like what because then it put me on the spot. That's okay. Like maybe like when you just make like cringy ass TikToks. Like what one? Like call me the f I'm trying to think of one. I'm trying to think of one. Like the one that I made the other day of like my struggle. Yes, no, I literally was like, Mom, why would you post this? Because like I need to be open and obvious. Okay, but people see that. Yeah, that's the point.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

That's the point.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

No, it's just like bro, like what? Worried about your friends, seeing it. No, not my friends. I don't care about my friends. What do you care about then? People who don't freaking like me. Who cares about those people? Like that's those people should be the least of your worries.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

They are, but I'm just saying, like, bruh. No one cares. People actually care to see the more like real and like transparent stuff than the fake, like curated, f and polished stuff that people put on TikTok. Like, I was going through a hard time, I was having a hard time with like creating content, balancing everything, and I feel like when I'm in those, like in that mind state, or like I feel like I look bad or I don't like myself, then I can't create content as good. But when I'm feeling good and I'm in a good headspace, I can create content, but I don't want to be that creator that only puts the good things on the internet. I want to be like me no matter what. And I think that it's important to show that, especially now that my platform is starting to grow. I'm on the radio a lot more, so I have more people watching me. And I just don't want to come off like I have this like well put together life because the people who know me in real life know that that's not always me. Like, and I just wanted the people who have been around and watching my content for so long to know, like, you know, I'm not perfect, and not that I'm saying anyone is perfect, but no one's perfect. No, I know. I just think it's important to show my bad days just as much as the good days. And it probably does seem cringy because when I watch some people's stuff sometimes, I'm like, why would you put that on there? But I just for me, it was like important to put it out there that like I don't want to filter my face. I don't want to like pretend that like, you know, only show you guys what I want you to see. Like if I have dishes in the sink, like I don't want to have to not fing film a video in the kitchen because I'm scared that people are gonna see like my few dishes in the sink and stuff like that. And I think that people can connect to that more and it makes them feel more relatable, makes me feel more relatable to them. And I thought it was very important in that moment um to say, like, hey, I'm not in a great headspace, but I don't want to stop creating content. I just don't know how to be the best version of me right now. So I think you just clocked me.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

I think you just clocked me.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Usually I'm clocking you. You're like, okay, I get it now. This is like really calling me out, these questions that I wrote here. Is there anything that I do I think is cool, but actually is not?

SPEAKER_01 13:16

No, I think you're pretty good at like judging what's cool and what's not. Yeah. I mean, there are some things like you'll like like your glasses, for example. Like, I think the other ones like are so much better, and you're just like, no, but they make you look like a grandma mummy. Like they make you look like a guest, they make you look like a grandma. And the other ones, guys, have you ever like showed your other ones on TikTok?

SPEAKER_00 13:39

I have.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Guys, are her other ones so better? Go look at her TikTok with her glasses and tell me she doesn't look like grandma versus with her other glasses. You look like a baddie with your other glasses.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Maybe I'll wear the other ones today. I just I do like the other ones. The ones that you like though, they're like loose around my nose.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

So they feel like you need to get you know what ones I would think look really good on you. Like, I'll show you a picture of these. I think if you get like style of glasses, because she also needs glasses, they would look really good on you. Well, yeah, you'll have to send me a picture. Because f ⁇ me and her mom, they both need glasses, and oh my god, mom's glasses are so freaking cute. Are they? Yes. She looks adorable.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

All right, let's talk about like why conversations die between like a teenager and a parent. So we'll talk about it like your from your perspective, and then I want you to kind of talk about it like in general for like other parents, so that when other parents listen to this, they can kind of use it as like a piece of advice, okay? Okay. When is the worst time for me to try to talk to you and have a normal, like a like a good conversation?

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Right after school.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Right after school.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

No, like I remember like even in like grade six when I would just get in the car and be like, So, what'd you have for lunch today? What'd you have for a snack? How was your day? What did you do? And I'm just like, oh my god, like I would actually get so annoyed, but I would obviously still tell you because like even though it was annoying, I was still little, but like now, right when I get home from school and you're like, Oh my god, hi, how was your day? And I'm just like, oh my god, like I love you, mommy, and I love how you do it. But no, because there are some days where I like am like in a happy mood, but like when you can obviously tell, like when I ring in the door, I'm like, oh, or I'm just like throwing my stuff around, like, just wait a second. Yeah, just wait. That's or like when I first get home from my friends, I'm just like tired.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

That's understandable because I'm the exact same way. Like when I get home from work, it's so funny because when I leave work after my day, I go out and I sit in my car for like a half hour. I know.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

I literally like look at my window to see if you're home and you're like still in your car, and I'm like, what? And it's funny because I do that at work.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

I'll get out of like leave work, go in my car, start it, let it run for a little bit, and then just like take like 10-15 minutes to wind down. Then I drive home and then I sit sit in the parking lot for another like. I feel like every mom, like his mom does that too. Because if I don't, it's like I'll never get that time to wind down.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

I know.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

So I can totally see where when you guys get home from school, like the last thing you want is for us to be like asking you 21 questions.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

I know, because especially because like I have to bus home. The bus is so loud. Like, I actually that's why I put my ear pods in.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Based on like mine and your experience, if you were to give the parents who are listening right now a little piece of advice, if they want to like connect with their teenager and like have a productive conversation, um, when would be the best time for them to actually open up?

SPEAKER_01 16:38

Like at least two hours after they get home from school. But it's like different also because it's like they could be having like a really bad day and they just don't want to talk at all.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

Yeah. So if like if you're a parent and you want to, you know, have a conversation with your teenager and you go to them and they're just kind of giving you one-worded answer, just leave them alone. Yeah, it's just important to let them know that you're there and yeah, like text them.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Like you don't say it in person. Like, if you've already tried to say it in person, they give you a job response, just text them. And they might not even like read it, they might not even like respond, but like at least they know.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Like, I don't know. It's kind of different for every teenager, but for me, I think that's what I like.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah, and for a teenager, like if you are having a bad day and like your parent is coming in and trying to have a conversation with you, like sometimes I know we can be annoying, but I think it's important to just like communicate with your parent, like, hey, I'm having a rough day right now. Yeah, and I've definitely gotten better at that.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

Well, uh, there are some times I'm like, bro, just leave.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

Like, I'll actually crash up, like, mom, get out. Yeah, but you're also really good with like circling back later and being like, hey, sorry that I was super cranky and like I didn't mean to take it out on you. I'm just having a rough day.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

I know, like, especially in the mornings, like when I'll crash out on you.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Yeah. So I think it's just important to communicate that with your parent and try not to, parents, try not to take it so personal because I know it's it's hard not to, but most of the time they're just in a mood and we're the closest person to them. So we're gonna get the worst parts of them. Yeah, you know, and they're they feel comfortable enough to, you know, be 100% themselves. So when they're not feeling the best, we're gonna feel that too.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Yeah, there are definitely some times where you saw me like literally like horrible moments.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Yeah, and what would you say to like any teenagers who are listening right now, um, and whose parents are maybe they think maybe their parents like drive them nuts with like trying to talk to them and stuff. Like what kind of advice would you give them?

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Like to the parents? To the teenagers. Oh. Um, don't be overly rude, and I know it's sometimes hard where you just like you just want to be like, get the f out of my room and like leave me alone, like I don't want to talk.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

But it's really important to like just be like, I really just don't feel like talking. Like I'll like come to you when I'm ready, yeah. And like I just want some space. But I know it's not that easy to just say that and you just want to be like, okay, can you please leave my room or like leave me alone? Yeah. But even if you do like act like that where you're like being rude and like disrespectful, when you're like calm down and you're good, it's really important to apologize. Yeah. Even if it's non-person, like just give them a text. Like I always text you, I'm like, okay, like I'm sorry. Like that one time where I was like, we couldn't go up for supper, and I was like, Well, I don't even want to go anymore. And you're like, Wow, and you hung up on me here after that. I was literally with Yeah, I think, and I felt so bad after I literally had to text you right away. Yeah, it hurt my feelings.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

But I know I think that you know, it nobody's perfect, and we're gonna, you know, say things that upset the other person. But I do think that a little apology goes a long way, or even just acknowledging it, like, hey, I didn't mean to, you know, make you Yeah, I was even like, girl, why would you say that?

SPEAKER_01 19:55

She was like, you better fing apologize right now.

SPEAKER_00 19:58

Thanks, yeah. I appreciate you. Now, this is a good one for other parents and other teenagers too who are listening. Um, mostly for the parents, though. Like, what is a question that I could ask or a parent in general could ask their teenager that would immediately make you shut down and not want to talk? Like, say you're already having a bad day, and you know, I come in your room and I ask this question, and it just it would immediately make you not want to talk to me.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Like, are you having a bad day? Like, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Yeah, like obviously I'm having a bad day.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

Yeah, or like, did like what happened?

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Like, is everything okay? When you're having a bad day and like you're feeling like that, instead of saying, like, hey, are you having a bad day? What would you rather me ask? Like, what would be a good question to ask you when you're in a mood?

SPEAKER_01 20:49

Not even just question, just let me know that like you're here. Like, don't ask me questions. Just be like, I'm here if you want to talk. Yeah. And like just give me a hug. Like, I like when like I'm having a bad day and you just come in my room and you just like sit with me and like lay with me.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Yeah. So like not putting pressure on you already when there's clearly some tension that helps just letting them know that you know I'm here we're to talk whenever you're ready. Yeah. Yeah. Um, do you feel like when I am trying to talk to you or have a conversation? Do you feel like I talk at you instead of with you? Or do you feel like it's more of like a two-person conversation rather than just like me?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Like when I'm having a bad day? Or just in general? There are some times where like I'll tell you something and you're like just fed off because like I'm in the wrong. But it's like, girl, just take my side. Just take my side. Like, even if I'm I always take your side, even when you're in the wrong. I know, but it sometimes it is like my job, right? To do something like that. Like I guess. Like I guess it's different. But like I sometimes I just want to talk to you and you just like agree with me and just like let me rant. But then you're just like, Abby, like, why would you do that? Like, that's literally not okay. But it's like, girl, like sometimes a girl gonna do what she has to do.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Like, that kind of comes into my next question. Do you find I sometimes give you speeches instead of having a conversation?

SPEAKER_01 22:15

Yes. Like you have to understand that, like, teenagers, their like defensive mechanisms are so much different. Like, sometimes we just need to cuss the out.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Do you feel like when we have a conversation sometimes and you know, I'm kind of like giving you a speech and you're just like you don't want to hear it, you just want to vent a little bit. Do you feel like you don't get a chance to talk and say what you really s want to say? Yeah. Because I'm kind of just like trying to parent you in the moment and not like say what you want to say?

SPEAKER_01 22:49

Sometimes I don't need to be parented. Sometimes I just need like my best friend.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Because like, even though you're my mom, like sometimes like I hate when you go from like being like a best friend to a mom like in the span of five minutes. Like we'll be like chatting it up and then I'll say something and be like, Abby, that is literally not gonna I'm like, girl, we were just like, we were just vibing. I know, and then you're like fed off, and I'm like, oh my god, and it just ruins the whole mood. Like that's like I love going out to and spending time with you, but like sometimes I hate it because like we'll be just like vibing, and then I'll like say something, and then you're like, and then I tell you something you don't want to hear. Yeah, and I'm just like girl, like just stay the best friend mode right now, please.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Okay, this is kind of like switching gears a little bit, but is there ever a time when you're trying to talk to me about something like important or anything and you and it feels like I'm not listening to you?

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

Like what what does that make you feel like? Or like how do you feel like about that? I just sound like a therapist.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

I just like shut the f up and walk away. Like when I was telling you I got into like an argument with my friend, and then you were like, Abby, I just need a quiet time room. Now I do that to you, but like I was like actually like telling you that we got into an argument. You don't take that stuff personally, you're like, okay, she's in the Yeah, I'm just like, okay, bye then. She just needs a minute. Yeah, I'm just like, okay, bye. That's funny. But like, but when I do that to you, you're like, okay, like, yeah. Like, I guess I'll just leave then. Like, I like no one even cares what I said. I'm like, okay. Yeah, no, I feel attacked all of a sudden.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

Yeah. Um, I'm asking these questions because I want these parents and teenagers who are listening to be able to like take this and maybe, you know, implement this in their relationship with their teen or parent. Um, what would make you feel more heard when we're having a conversation or when you need to talk to me about something? What would make you feel more heard?

SPEAKER_01 24:47

Like when you're just like listening to me and like you're not being a mom, like you're just being like a best friend and like you're just like giving me advice, like even when I'm wrong, you go like against me. Like I know I shouldn't have done that and I took accountability for that, whatever. But like, and I apologize to them.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

But like in the moment, it would be good if I could just like listen, just listen, talk calmly and normally. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Because then it just makes me not want to tell the story, and I'm just like, okay, whatever, bye.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

And does it help when like I give you my full attention? Like eye contact, phone not in my hand. Yes. Does that stuff help? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

But like you do do that, like you do like pause your show or like put your phone down when I actually need to talk to you about something.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Yeah, I'm pretty good with that. I try to be sometimes I'm really locked in on a show and I can't look. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

But and like when me and Katie are like trying to talk to you and you're just like, oh my god, no, the show's getting good, guys. And we're just like Well, I'm like, I've waited all week for this.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

I know. No, I'm just kidding. Do you find I make some things like a bigger deal than they need to be? Oh my god, yes.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

Oh my god, yes, like literally the other day. Oh my god, no, me and we're literally laughing so hard about this. I literally wake up, 5 a.m. in the morning. Me and we're we're really determined to have a good morning. And I wake up, or like not even wake up, but I get back from like brushing my teeth, doing my to literally 10,000 texts, being like, oh my god, you took the face wash, like why would you do that? Like, oh my god, oh my god, and you're just gonna like going off. And I'm like, I'm not even gonna respond. Like, I literally did not respond to you because I was just like meaning-you took the communal face wash out of the house and both you. I know, and I know I should have done that. I should have told you. I was just like getting everything I need, like off the top of my hand. I didn't even think, but you were just like, you're gonna come home in the morning, you're gonna get your own lashes, you're gonna bring the face wash back. And I was like, you know what? I'm not even gonna get my lashes. I'm gonna go with them looking chopped all day.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

I don't care. Has there ever been a time where you avoided telling me something because you knew I would overreact?

SPEAKER_01 26:48

Probably, yeah. Yeah, I can't think of one, but yes, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

When a parent and a teenager are having a conversation and and it's not going well, would you say making sure to communicate to your parent that you just want someone to listen and you don't need advice at that moment? Do you think that's important to do?

SPEAKER_01 27:09

Yeah, I think you should just be like, okay, just let me rant, just be my best friend for a second. Don't be a mom, don't give me advice, just let me talk. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

I think I I feel like that's important with like any relationship or or friendship. Yeah, like I say that to all the time. I'm like, can I just rant and you not like give me advice? Yeah, and same with Katie. Like, I'll say that to Katie. I'll be like, I don't need your advice right now. I just need to like vent you. Can you just listen? And she normally will.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

But yeah, and I also think that when you're venting, you just need to agree. Like, like you just like they just need to agree. Like when like my friends tell me, okay, I just need a rant, I like just agree with them. Even if I think, even if I have something good to say for advice, I just don't say it. Yeah, that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 27:52

All right, let's try this again, guys. This is our second time trying to record this episode because we were having some technical difficulties. Most difficult episode ever. It really has been the most difficult episode ever. Um, I'm gonna try to jump back into where what we were talking about last, but uh we'll we're doing the best we can. Um, so let me just have a little sip of my coffee. You got another one on the way home? Didn't even give me a yeah, I do. That's really good. I needed it after my the long day. Guys, we started recording this episode this morning at like 8 a.m. and it is now like supper time. Like what time is it? Like six o'clock?

SPEAKER_01 28:35

We were recording till like 11.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

Yeah, it was really bad. We've been having a rough go. So if we're trying to create a safe space for a teenager to be able to talk to their parent, um, what would that look like for you?

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I would just say, like, in the most like soft way possible, like I know things are rough between us or whatever, but I want you to know that like you can come to me without judgment and like I'll be here for you and I'll hear you out, just stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah, so kind of like when I tell you, you know, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel like you might be in trouble with something, I want you to come to me and talk to me about it so that way we can figure it out together and we'll deal with the consequences another time. But but in that moment, your safety is my priority. Yeah. Yeah. What is it that makes you feel comfortable talking to me?

SPEAKER_01 29:28

Probably one of them is that you're so young.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Yeah. Like honestly. Does that help? Yeah. That's so funny because I always worried about being young and I always thought, like, excuse me, is Abby gonna hate me when she gets older because I'm young and like all her friends' parents are older, and I thought that it would be awkward or uncomfortable for you. No, I love I love having like a young mom. Yeah. Um, what do I do right when it comes to being your mom?

SPEAKER_01 29:56

Um, probably like making sure like it's like right, but it's so annoying. Like making sure that like I'm doing everything, like my chores, my schoolwork, forcing me to go to school, and like that's like something really good because like yeah, you know, a mom should be doing that, and like yeah, but it's so annoying. Especially every morning when you get that text. Did you eat breakfast? Yes, like did you get your lunch? Yes, like oh my god. Um, but I do think you need to relax on the chores in the school and everything.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

Like, no, not the chores, because there's still these that you don't do your chores that I have to bug you to do, and I shouldn't have to at this ripe age of 15, almost 16. Just so much. If you could change one thing about how I communicate with you, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01 30:48

Like, just be nice. Like when you're mad at me and you're like just going off, and like, or like I do one, like literally today, for example, when um I was taking like a long time to get my stuff done, and you were like, Well, you're not going out today, like, oh my god, like it's taking you four hours to do this. I'm like, girl, yeah, it's taking me four hours to clean my room and clean my closet.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Well, it you I was gone for four hours and you were supposed to be doing all these things, and I texted you and said, What are you doing? You said cleaning up my closet. I said, Did you do the dishes yet? You said no. And I said, Well, what have you been doing for the last four hours? She, this girl says, learning the dance, as if that's a priority. That should be literally. No, I said, I said I learned the dance for like an hour. But still, you shouldn't even be doing that stuff. Oh, no, listen, when you are home and I give you a list of things that I expect you to be done because I'm allowing you to stay home from school. I give you a list of things to help out around the house. You do not should not be doing any dances or doing any fun activities until those chores and responsibilities are done. Once those are done, the time is yours. You can do whatever you want with that time. But that stuff should always come first.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

I know. I just learned it for like an hour, and then after, like when I clean my room and clean my closet, I literally take a like a 10-minute break because then my head starts pounding and like I start sweating and I know, but rem but imagine if you would have taken that hour that you use to learn the dance and do all the things, everything would have been done already.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Oh. You know what I mean? Like your responsibilities have to come first. Work hard, play hard. That's the way it goes. Like I know. Okay, let's move on. Basically, what I had my notes that I have for this last set part is like the growth that we have both achieved on each side, like how far we've come in the last little bit as like mother, daughter, and individuals. And I think that it's important to note that like when you were a little bit younger, I wasn't as I wasn't as open-minded with you in like your first few years of like junior high and high school because I was so worried about being like a good mom to you and teaching you things that you know when you came to me with certain things, I would just like absolutely shut it down and like I didn't allow you to have school sleepovers in the very beginning, and then like your curfew. And I just feel like I've really come a long way to you know, extending your your curfew a little bit. You don't get your phone taken away anymore.

SPEAKER_01 33:11

Yeah, I I'm a lot more open to Yeah, I remember like in grade seven when I like like first got in that like little friend group at the start of the year, and they would always go to like Lacewood after school, and I asked you if I could go, and you were like by yourself, and I'm like, yeah, and and you're like, you're just gonna chill at McDonald's, and I'm like, yeah, that's like we're just hanging out, and you're like, no, and I'm like, girl, what that's what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

Like, I've come a long way, and like I see obviously the way that you know teenagers are these days, and and I just wanna to acknowledge that like I know that as a parent, some of you guys might think that you know, you're doing something to kind of protect or to teach or to, you know, build structure in your kids' lives, but teenagers are people too, and like they're gonna grow up to be their own person, and you really can't control every single thing forever. And if you want to have like a respect, if you want to have like a mutual respect with your teenager, you need to be willing to work with them on things too. Like, just because you're the parent doesn't always mean what you say goes and that you're right, exactly. And it's very important that you, you know, uh work with your child or your teenager, I should say, be because it's different with children, but with your teenager, it's very important to kind of meet them halfway. As long as it's really not hurting anybody, like if they're not hurting anyone or themselves, or you know, they're not doing anything that's super inappropriate or gonna get them into like a bad situation, it's not gonna hurt them. Like I think that you really do need to kind of there needs to be a little bit of negotiation in order for you guys to build that mutual trust and respect. Yeah. Yeah. And also, just to add on to that, it's not always gonna be perfect. And you could, you know, set a boundary with a rule, and they could break that, and then you have to kind of revisit it. And it's gonna be trial and error because you're learning as a parent, they're learning as a teenager, but I do think it's important to take their thoughts and their feelings and what they need into consideration and kind of try to meet them in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Yeah, and it's also like I think that like especially teenagers who are like just starting junior high or like tweens, whatever, it's like they're like they're finding themselves and like like I remember like when you told me I couldn't go to Lacewood and you like didn't let me go to Lacewood like with my friends for like a minute. Um, I felt so left out.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

You can give your kids like leeway when it comes to like when I s with you going to Lacewood. Like, I I was like, you know what, I'm gonna let her go because you kept asking me and asking me. And then I let you go and I realized it's really not hurting anyone. She went, she got her, I think you got like nuggets and got like another meal. I I got a meal and we just sat there and we hang hung out. Yeah, and like I realized, like, okay, this really isn't hurting anyone. She's spending time outside, she's they're walking around, they're she's not laying in her room on her phone. And then it kind of went from there to like, okay, now we're gonna go to the library. And like I started to allow you to go other places. I was nervous about letting you do those things, but the more that I let you and you showed me that I could trust you, the more freedom I gave you because you didn't disobey my rules and you didn't disrespect me.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

Yeah, and I also think it's really important for you to let me unlock new levels because Unlock new levels. No, because this Gen Z slang. No, because genuinely, like, since I'm like growing up and being a teacher, I need to and being a teenager, I need to like see the world and like go like explore our city, like well, that's why I was nervous when you went downtown.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

I know. When you went downtown with the girls and I was nervous, but then I was like, what's it gonna hurt if they go downtown and go to McDonald's on the bus and come home? Like it's really not that big of a deal. If you did it and you show be like you're fine. When you allow your teenagers to do things like this that are maybe something that you're nervous about, something that they've never done before, this is the important part. You have a conversation with them beforehand about safety, about you know, what to do in an event of a crisis if something happens. You tell them, you know, you stick with your friends so that if something happens, you guys stay in a group, you never go alone. Like that's the thing. You can teach them how to handle these situations so that they're not um sheltered. You don't want them to be sheltered, but you also don't want to give them so much freedom that so that way when if something bad does happen that you have no idea they don't know what to do. You want to make sure that they're they kind of know, like, you know, if I get lost from my friends, this is what I do, or you know, make sure you come home on time. Don't be wandering the streets once it gets dark outside. Like I think it's just important to communicate that stuff with your children and teach them. And then you have to leave it up to them to trust them to do the right thing. If they do it and they show you that, you know, they can do it and they did, they followed your rules, they didn't disrespect you, everything was fine, then you know that they're capable of doing that. And now you don't have to worry as much. Um, and then it's kind of like it's kind of like I don't even know if this is the right explanation, but it's like it's like when a caterpillar turns into a butterfly. Like you have to eventually let them spread their wings. But if you give if you teach them and you talk to them and you make sure that they know all the safety precautions and whatnot, and then they break your rules, they break your trust, they touch like press boundaries and stuff, then you say, Okay, look, you're not ready, and then you pull them back. But you have to give them the chance to like mess up before you take stuff from them, you know? Yeah. So anyway, that's my rant about that. Like when you think of being an adult and you think of me being an adult, well, what does our our relationship look like?

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Um like going to clubs together. No joking. I'm joking, I'm joking, but like I don't know, just like hanging out all the time and like I'll like be like, oh my god, like I'm going to my man's house, or like I'm going here.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

Are you gonna are you gonna be one of those people where like when something happens and you're like, I gotta call my mom and see what I should do here? Yeah, I already am. I already am. Or like when you guys, you and your friends are all like coming home for like holidays or something, like you'll come stay at my house. Well, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:21

Or like when I'm about to go to a party, I'll face something and be like, is my outfit good? Yes, I love that. Oh my god, that's something that's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 40:34

All right, um, so we're gonna get into the hot or not questions. And I actually got Abby to pick the hot or not topics this for this episode. So I'm excited to see the ones that she got. Um, I briefly read over them when I was adding them to the prep sheet, but I didn't read them thoroughly. So um I'll read them. Do you want me to answer them first? Because you should read them and you answer them first. You should answer them first. Okay. First one, posting on your story versus VS?

SPEAKER_01 41:06

Yeah, like posting on your story or like or or I don't know, I just copied this from Tatum. When something big happens. Like posting on your story all the time. Wait, don't do that one.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

Oh, I get it. Like posting on your story all the time or only when something big happens. Yeah. Wait, I'm confused. I'm confused too. Oh, I think these ones are like you pick one or the other.

SPEAKER_01 41:32

These are so these- I just copy this from Trat GPT. I just I'm not even joking.

unknown 41:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

I literally just said make me hot or not questions for teenagers.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Okay, so let's we're gonna do it a little bit differently. Um some of these are like pick one or the other, um, and then some of them are hot or not. So we'll do the pick one or the other first. I think there's only four of them, and then the rest of them are hot or not. Okay. Okay, so posting on your story all the time versus only when something big happens. I'm a story girl. I love posting on the game. Yeah, we know. We know. Well, I only post on my story when something big happens or like a birthday. I feel like the younger generation is like that. Um, private accounts versus public accounts. Bro, this obviously I'm gonna say public because I have a public account and then I have a private account. Which I think is a good thing. Yeah, your public account can be for like our social media stuff and then I don't post our social media on my main account. Yeah, but like I mean like I tag you and stuff. Yeah. You know what I mean? Um, partying versus staying in. I love staying in. I love staying in too. I used to be a big party or going out girl. Guys, I used to count down the days till Friday every single day. And I I mean, I worked in the bar industry too. So the moment I got off work at the end of my shift, I'm like, give me my staff drink so that I can have a drink to wind down. And then, you know, every weekend I was going out to the bars doing karaoke, and I'm just so glad that's not my life anymore because staying in is just so much more peaceful. Um, talking stages versus official relationships. Well, I'm a married woman, so definitely official relationships for me. Well, yeah. I say official relationships too, but I love Mia talking stage. The talking stage is so fun when you're your guys' age because it's so new and you get the butterflies and you don't get all excited when your phone goes off and it's them. Like that feeling. Yeah, that was like I remember being a teenager and it was like the best feeling ever. Um okay, so then these are like the actual hot or not questions. Using AI for schoolwork. Hot. Not hot. You better not. Abby Rose. You're gonna get yourself in trouble. Um, I mean for like You mean you only use it as a tool to help you, but you don't do your actual work on chat to be. Yeah, no, only as a tool. Okay, perfect. Only as a tool. That's what I thought. Um Okay, leaving people on red. I get anxiety when I leave people on red. Because I'm like, they think that I don't care. They think that I don't like them. They think that I don't think they're important. Like I just spiral.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Like I used to I used to be like that, but then I'm just like, if like why are we taking it personally?

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Yeah, true. That's true. Um, romanticizing studying. I think hot. Not. I think hot because I think when you like make it fun and make it like a thing, like let's get the girls together and like work on our do all do what we have to do, like all work on our assignments that are due together. It's like, it's the way that I look at it is like when you get together with your friends to do studying or to do schoolwork, it makes it less miserable. So it's like for me when I tell Katie, like, do you want to come to the grocery store with me? Like, you don't have to, but like I can do it on my own. It's just when I have somebody that I like their company doing something with me that I don't want to do, it makes it less miserable for me. Yeah. So I think like when you're all together doing schoolwork, like if you're alone doing schoolwork, it's no fun. But when you're with like your three girlfriends and you're all doing schoolwork together, it's like, okay, this isn't so bad because at least we're all hanging out while we're doing it. Yeah, I agree. Posting soft launches. Do you know what that means? Yeah, it means like when you start to see in somebody, like post them like nonchalantly. Yeah. But I love soft.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

I actually haven't had a soft launch.

SPEAKER_00 45:24

I've never done that either because wait, have I?

SPEAKER_01 45:28

No.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Because everyone just expected it every week, so. Um, listening to sad music when you're fine. Hot. I love sad music. Yeah, we know I will belch that. Wearing PJs outside. If you have like a cute top on. For me, it's like so well when I was a teenager, we wore pajamas all the time and it was so normal. Now as an adult, like if you're just running out to the store, or like if you're just going for coffee or whatever, or if like you're having a really bad day and you don't get like if you just don't have the energy to put normal clothes on, or like some people that are just like really depressed will go in their in their pajamas. That's cool. I feel like, you know, to each their own, don't really care. For me personally, I don't really wear pajamas. Like I don't really wear pajamas. I wear like jogging pants and a hoodie to bed sometimes. I wear like shorts and a sports bra.

SPEAKER_01 46:26

Yeah. But I have like PJ pants that like I would wear like out with like a cute little top.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

Okay. Well, are we done? We need to do our sleigh and struggle of the week. So what was your struggle of the week this week?

SPEAKER_01 46:42

I don't know. I think probably freaking getting a nine out of thirty out of my all my frickin' math desk.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Aww. And then though, we're we're working on it. You've always had some challenges with math and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 46:54

I freaking hate math. I'm so much better at writing and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 46:56

Like Yeah. But dumb little things.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

Probably the fact that you let me have a school sleepover with And what about um seeing your nephew and holding him for an hour and a half? Oh my god, yes. That was probably one of the best parts of my week. I literally housed him for an hour, would not give him back, literally was falling asleep with him.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

Um okay, so my struggle of the week was that I fell off my gym game this week because of Burger Week. Bro, we all need a break. I know, but I just I don't like when I fall off because when I don't start my mornings with the gym, I do not have as good of a day. Like nearly, I don't eat as good, my mood isn't as good, my energy levels aren't as good. But with Burger Week, um I'm going away this weekend for a wedding, so I had to squeeze in as many burgers as I could throughout the week after work. I'm going for burger week in the evening. By the time I get home, edit the videos, yada yada yada. I'm not getting to bed until late, and I just I haven't been going to bed at a good time, I haven't been waking up at a good time, so that's that's my struggle of the week. Um, but it's okay because Monday is a new week. Period. And I'm gonna start fresh. Period. Um, and my sleigh of the week is probably obviously getting to spend time with Saint and Sincere, my niece and my nephew. Um and that was amazing. That helped really helped refill my cup. Obviously, all of the burgers that we ate um over the last week, and I am on my first ever paid vacation this weekend, and I am so excited. I've never had a job where I've been paid like vacation days, and I have a wedding down on the South Shore. And for those of you who know, you guys know that the South Shore of Nova Scotia is my favorite place ever in Nova Scotia. Um so I'm really looking forward to unwinding and and going down there and seeing some friends that I haven't seen in a long time. So it's gonna be a really good uh weekend for me. And I do have a little announcement to make. Um so next episode, this is episode nine. Next episode is going to be episode 10. And it's gonna be my birthday weekend that we are recording and editing the episode and posting. Um, so Katie and Abby and I, we are all going away to a little cottage down in the South Shore for the weekend for my birthday. So we are gonna be recording the podcast there. And Katie is gonna be um a guest on our podcast next week, which is super exciting. Um, and it's going to be our final episode of the first season of this podcast. That doesn't mean that we're we're finished forever. We are going to take a little bit of a break because um I've decided that it would be a little bit easier if we uh took like a month or so off and, you know, kind of recorded a bunch of episodes, and that way I could edit them and then post them rather than doing it weekly because it's just a lot to do every single week. So next week is gonna be a special episode, and then we are gonna take about a month off. But I just wanted to um let you guys know that. And also I just wanted to let you guys know that Abby and I have been invited. Um, we've been selected actually from uh Amazon Music to go to an event. It's called the Echo Podcast Summit. Um, it's happening on June 18th at the Halifax Convention Center, and we've been invited, we've been given two VIP tickets to go. Um, it's gonna be super cool. There's gonna be speakers from YouTube, speakers from ACast, Amazon Music. Um, it's a pretty big event, and I'm very, very lucky um to be chosen. So you did not tell me that. What the hell? Yeah. So we're gonna go, we're gonna get dressed up. Katie's gonna come with us. I'm gonna buy her tickets so she can come. But we were given tickets from Amazon Music um to go be part of this event and listen to all of the speakers. ACast is the like company that Giggly Squad is run through. Period. Which is super cool. Um, and if you guys are interested in going or you know looking into it, it's called um Echo Podcast Summit, um, happening at the convention center, like I said, on June 18th. Um, and it's presented by Pod Starter. So bye guys. That's all I have to say. Um, I love you guys. Please send us a text. You can message me on our uh Instagram page. You can follow along at like motherlife daughter. Anyway, I love you guys. I love you guys.