Overcoming Feelings of Failure

We all face discouragement—when our efforts fall short and God's presence feels distant. But even in the storm, even when it feels like Jesus is asleep in the boat, he is still with us and can turn our failures into something beautiful.

In this episode, Fred and Kara get real about fear, failure, and the temptation to give up. They share personal stories, what St. Paul teaches us about weakness, and why Fred says, “I’m a sinner falling up on my way to sainthood.” If you’ve ever wrestled with discouragement, this conversation is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Thank you for listening to Draw Near with Fred and Kara.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

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SPEAKER_03 0:18

I think we can all relate to the feeling of being a failure or feeling like we're failing in our own lives. Whether it's just like lies that we tell ourselves, whether it's actual moments and experiences in our lives, or even things that like people have said to us that just stick with us for a long time. I think we can all relate. I mean, I know me and Fred can definitely relate to these things.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Oh, I don't know what you're talking about, Kara. I'm perfect in every way.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

And proud of your humility.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

I am proud of my humility. That is correct.

SPEAKER_03 0:48

Have you ever felt like a failure in your life?

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Uh every day. Yeah. I think in some ways. If I'm honest, I think every day presents some opportunity to feel like you're falling short. Yeah. And I think most people, if they're honest, would would admit that. Not that you go around with a low, low self-esteem necessarily or you feel horrible about yourself. But I think every day presents some opportunities.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Well, isn't that the examine prayer that at the end of your day you talk about the blessings of from God, but also the ways that we could improve in our life? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

That you're right, Kara.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

So it's okay. I mean, that's okay to I wouldn't use the word failure. Like it's okay to be a failure every day and feel like a failure every day. But it is okay to admit like our shortcomings from that day in order for God to kind of, you know, change them for our future.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Right. There's always something I could have done better. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

So what are some examples where if you if you want to share in what ways straight in?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

No, no chit-chat and banters.

SPEAKER_03 1:47

We don't do that. In what ways in your life have you felt like a failure?

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Ah gosh, there's so many examples that come to mind. Um the first one that comes to mind I think is as a parent. Yeah. Sometimes I think back on experiences when I I might deal with my children a way that I didn't like my parents dealt with me, and then I then I feel bad about that. Like, oh, I wish I wouldn't have said that that way. That's really kind of a more of a minor point, but I think for me as a parent, I struggle with parental guilt a lot. You know, and and feeling like, Am I being too hard on them? Am I being unrealistic? You know, all these sorts of things. So I think as a parent, um that's the thing that really stood out to me in saying that, you know, I feel like a failure every day is is that is that I always feel like I could be a better dad and I'm falling short in this particular way or that particular way.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

I can definitely relate to that. Yeah. Um, it was a couple weekends ago and we were at church and it was just one of those masses where you want to bury your head underneath the pew. And BJ had taken, you know, our son to the back because he was being crazy, and then my daughter just was not listening at all and was being really loud, and I just felt like the entire church was staring at me. And wow, she's really terrible. Yeah. At, you know, keeping keeping her kids under control. And and I'm not even kidding. I was kneeling before getting up to go receive communion, and I just was like feeling very overwhelmed with these feelings of I'm supposed to be here to bring my kids, I'm supposed to be paying attention and you know, offering up myself as a sacrifice to God in this mass. And like I just feel like I haven't gotten anything from it. I haven't given anything to it because I've been so taken by how terrible my kids are being right now in this mass. And I started crying, and it was just like I was embarrassed because I didn't want, you know, the the church to see me cry because I felt like everyone was also staring at me because my daughter was loud. And and so I was just like walking up to communion, and the priest probably saw that my face was red. And and then my daughter loudly goes, when we went and sat back down, and I wanted to pray, and my daughter loudly goes, I need to go to the bathroom. So I was seriously kind of like, Thank you, Lord. And so I got up and I went and blew my nose and took took her to the bathroom and wiped off the tears. But it was like even at the end of mass, I was like, Please don't let anybody come up to me. Because you know, right, sometimes you also you see that mom struggling and you want to go be like, you know, you're doing a really good job. But I didn't want that necessarily. Not that it wouldn't have been nice and it wouldn't have been encouraging. And if you see something like that, I do encourage you to do that. But I intentionally prayed, like, God, please don't let somebody come up to me because I knew if they did and said something, I would have just broken down right there and just sobbed. So I felt really kind of terrible.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Yeah, I think taking little ones to mass can be one of the the most difficult experiences. And I think sometimes, especially when you have a big family, yeah. Um, you know, I don't think people realize how much of a challenge it can be and how that can actually be a barrier to going to mass for some families, like the stink eyes they get. Right. Or the or the or the comments that they know it's going to be difficult, but that difficulty, for whatever reason, the response is to not to not go. Right. It's it's understandable, it's sad, but you know, I think of in Kara, I've you've heard these stories, but my own experiences usually involves my oldest son. Uh, you know, I I remember one time we were going up for communion and he decided to play Ring Around the Rosie.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

How old was he now?

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Yeah, he was about three.

SPEAKER_03 5:23

All right, so we won't call him out because he's much older now.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

He's he's better now. Yeah, you're better now. Um but he decided to play Ring Around the Rosie there with uh the extraordinary minister and was grabbing on to her leg and just kept spinning around in circles and laughing, and he just thought it was the funniest thing. And uh I was quite embarrassed and and I think a lot of the people around me, at least my perception of that situation was the stink eye. Right. And they were scandalized, even though he's only three, you know. And it was really a painful experience. And I think of it was actually that same year, around that same time, uh, at Easter Vigil, I had to take him to the back and I was holding him, and he kept turning off the lights in the church, because the light switches were right there. And it was the Easter Vigil and people were getting baptized at the time, and the lights kept going out, and everybody was like, What's happening? And you know, and then suddenly the lights would come back on because for whatever reason, right? And it and then all of a sudden I heard somebody scream across the church, He's doing it! And they're pointing at me, and it's my son, and he's turning off the lights in the church, and I was just incredibly embarrassed by that. And you know, in that moment, I just felt like a a failure, you know. And and meanwhile, I look at look at my friends who also have big families, and their kids are, you know, they're praying the divine office, and you know, they're they're writing their own Latin translation of this and this, and then I'm like, you know, they follow going to mass like little obedient little ducklings, and yeah, and I'm like, wow, I really suck at this Catholic bad thing. You know, and so I think those are the said the the subtle moments when I kind of feel like uh like I'm falling short. Yeah. Yeah, it it takes a lot of patience. Yeah. Uh certainly.

SPEAKER_03 7:15

It does. Well, and even I think that that would probably fall into the lies that we tell ourselves because a lot of it is like our own perception of how people might be receiving what's going on. Granted, there might actually be physical tells like they are giving us the stinkai. Right.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

But sometimes I think it is just I mean, especially in my case, it was they all think I'm not a good mom and they're judging me and both. And it was lies that I was telling myself because of how I was perceiving the situation and how I was feeling. But I think we also have um just like memories and moments, and those fall into moments too. But I think of um this one in high school, which I can laugh about now, but it was mortifying. Um, but it was this one time in high school where I was in this public speaking class, and I got up to give a talk, and I wanted to start with a joke, which I'm not, I don't think I'm funny. And I wanted to start with a joke, and so I got up there and I had this joke in my head. And you know how like it's that really awkward moment when someone's trying to tell a joke and they haven't gotten to the punchline yet, but they think it's funny and they know what the punchline is, and so they start laughing. Yeah, I hadn't even started the talk yet, and I was thinking about the punchline, and so before I even start, I'm just like hysterically laughing. And my class is just like looking around each other, like, what is happening? And so I'm just standing up there laughing and I can't even talk. And I just when I finally get myself to stop laughing, I just go sit down and I don't even give my talk. And I laugh about it now because it's so ridiculous. But it was one of those moments where I'm like, what just happened, Kara? And I was so I was so embarrassed. And now thinking of what has what God has called me to do in life is kind of ridiculous, which I think is I needed to undergo that to be like, God, I cannot do this without you.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

But in that moment, you were part of your own inside joke.

SPEAKER_03 9:06

Yes, it was great. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, so we all have those feelings. Um, we all feel like we're failing at something in life sometimes, or we're not good enough um at something in our life at some point. So I think um I want to spend some time on really talking about like what's some advice to overcome these feelings, or when this happens, how should we respond to ourselves? Because the reality is that, at least for my part, and I would say the majority, is that I think there is an element of spiritual warfare here because you know, we call Satan the father of lies, and we call him that for a reason. And I find in in my own life that oftentimes when I'm feeling like a failure or feeling like I'm not good enough at something, that it's the evil one who's telling me that. Or he's bringing up things from my past, uh, like a past sin or a past thought or whatever, and like he's telling me this is who you are. This new person who God has created is not who you are. This sin, that's who you are. And we call him the father of lies because he cannot create anything, but he can take what God has created, the good, the true, and the beautiful, and he can, and he can warp it. And that's you. You are the good, the true, and the beautiful. But the devil can come and he can warp that and tell you lies about yourself and make you feel like a failure. So I do think there is an element of spiritual warfare in that. What I have found in my own life is that when I'm undergoing that and I've like kind of let myself succumb to those those feelings of feeling like a failure. The second I'm like, okay, devil, you're not gonna get me, and I I realize that it's spiritual warfare, it goes away and it's like this weight is gone, you know?

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Yeah. Kara it's in our lowest moments that the voice of the enemy seems to get louder. Yeah. That's what I've found. And he's always there to tempt. And but sometimes those temptations aren't necessarily toward a sin. It's temptations toward thinking or feeling a certain way about ourselves. And I find that's what's fascinating but also disturbing about how he, the enemy of our souls, works in our lives. He's always there to tempt us and to help us think, help in a bad way, that that particular thing isn't so bad. Like in this instance, I'm talking about when we do fall short in terms of sin or or making a bad choice. You know, it's almost like if we really listen closely in those moments when we're tempted to do something wrong, we can still hear the voice of the enemy, just like in the garden. Did God really say? And if you really look at your temptations honestly, you can still hear that voice.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

But did God really say that? You know? But then when we do fall short, when we do fall into that sin, he's always the loudest voice accusing us and and making us feel horrible about those decisions we've made. And yet be prior to that, you know, trying to rationalize that away in ourselves. I think of of times when I've fallen short in my own life, certainly, and I'll probably share a little bit more about that later in the episode, but that's how it's been. That's been my experience as well.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

I would say uh in my own life, I think it's probably about perspective. Because yes, sometimes at my lowest moments, it's it's the evil one's voice who is loudest. But I also find that at my darkest moments, that's when I know I need God the most. And um, this might be cliche, but I feel like the light shines the brightest in the dark. When it's you know, when it there's darkness, the light shines the brightest. And so when I feel like I'm in my darkest place, God shines through the easiest because I don't know, he says the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Well, there's a reason the last shall be first, because the last come to him, they rely on him. And when I'm in my darkest moments, I feel like I am the last. Like there's nowhere else I can go except to go rely on God. And I think that is one of the tips I would give in overcoming these failures of failure is really turning them over to God because he wants them. He wants you to say, or he's saying to you, give me all of these things, give me all of these lies, and I will transform them and I will redeem them. And so when we know that about him and that that he is a loving father who wants to do this, it really does take a weight off of these lies.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Kira, that is the one thing that we really see with the lives of the saints. We can look at the saints and think, we see their perfection, we see how perfect they are. Well, I could never be that, and we get discouraged. And sometimes that can actually make us feel more like a failure, sometimes, which obviously that's not God that's making us feel that way, because it's the lies of the saints should inspire us to be perfect. And that's that's the one thing we have to realize here is that all the saints have one thing in common they're people, they're people, right? They're simply people who love God. So set your mind, set your heart on loving, serving God. And when you do fall, refuse to stay down. That's um Maximilian Colby and Saint Jose Maria Escriva really stressed this point. And we've talked about this before, but when you fall, when you fail, refuse to stay down. And in that sense, every fall is actually a step toward God, a step forward if you get back up with a stubbornness about you, with that holy zeal to be better. So I think we have to realize that some of our failures can actually be stepping up, walking up, falling up, if you will, is probably a better like I'm on I'm a sinner who's falling up towards sainthood. Uh that's how we should approach that. It shows me, you know, we joked about being proud of my humility earlier, but every failure is actually a reminder of how much I need God. And in that sense, every failure can be a step closer to God as long as we recognize it that way.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

Right. I like bringing in the saints because I think, like what you said, Fred, uh, when you think about the saints, it's like, oh, well, they're perfect, and I can't, I can't be perfect, like they're perfect. But really, they probably underwent the the very same feelings that we undergo, feelings of failure. And I feel like you see this in St. Augustine's The Confessions. He basically spends the majority of the book talking about the ways that he was a failure and the ways that he sinned until his conversion. And even when you read the autobiography of St. Therese, you know, she talks about the ways that she falls short, but it's always pointing to the fact that she falls short until she's with God, because apart from God, we can do nothing. Right. And so she she turns her failures, or I don't want to call them failures, but her shortcomings over to God to transform them. And so that is, you know, the areas of the lives of the saints that we can pull from too, not just their holiness and the things that they did so well and so perfectly in avoiding sin, but also how did they respond to these moments of of sin and of feelings of failure? And they responded by turning it over to God.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Exactly. You know, we mentioned our our the episode we did on St. Francis. Yeah he himself would refer to himself as the worst of sinners. Um Paul as well in scripture often called himself the worst of sinners. And he said, The things that I do want to do, I don't, and the things that I don't want to do, I do. And there was that struggle even with Saint Paul. We read it in Scripture, and if if so Saint Paul was not immune to those feelings, why should we be? But I think also in Scripture we find a good example, Cara, going back to your original question about how to deal with those feelings of failure, we see in Saint Paul an answer to that question. It comes from Philippians three twelve through sixteen. Philippians three twelve through sixteen, he says, Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brethren, I do not consider that I have made it my own, but one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind, and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature be thus minded, and if in anything you are otherwise minded, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. There's a lot of things in this scripture passage. What Paul is getting at, this this thing he's not yet attained, he's talking about perfection. He's talking about that that perfect holiness, that saintness, saintliness he's striving for. He hasn't arrived. But there's a few tips he gives us in here. One, we cannot cling to what lies behind. We can't continue to define ourselves by where we've fallen short. So there's that great Saint John Paul II quote we are not the sum of our weakness and failures, we are the sum of the Father's love for us. And that's what Saint Paul is getting at. We can't keep beating up ourselves for the same mistakes. We have to forgive ourselves, receive God's grace and mercy, and move forward. Paul certainly lived that. I mean, he was a persecutor, you know, he murdered and yet he pressed forward. And that's the next point in there. Paul is getting at. We have to refuse to define ourselves by those failures and shortcomings. And finally, we have to press on toward that goal of obtaining perfection. God doesn't call you to something that you can't achieve, and with the help of his grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, you can obtain holiness. You can obtain the saintliness that we're all called to. That's what Paul's getting at. And I love his last Paul's little sense of humor that sometimes comes out at the very end. If any of you think otherwise, God will reveal this also to you. So it's almost like he's saying, if you disagree with this, you're wrong. Yeah, God will reveal it to you. You'll you'll you'll agree. You'll eventually agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

That's funny. Well, yeah, getting at getting at too, like you were talking about when we are striving for what we are called to, and that is holiness. But sometimes we have this um this vision or what we want to attain, not just in holiness and what what God is calling us to, but sometimes we have this vision or goal or expectation for our lives. Um, and maybe it was even given to us by God. Maybe you got a little glimpse of what you're you were called to. But sometimes I will throw this out there. Sometimes I feel like that can be um harmful. And I say that because um I'm not saying like don't go chase your dreams and don't go chase like what you feel like you're you're called for or what you want to accomplish, but there is an element I I think is so key here, and that is spiritual reflection that should come with that. Because I think so often people might have this expectation of what they're meant to do, and they just jump right in and they expect it to happen immediately as opposed to praying with it. And we actually, I I think we see this in scripture with Jesus Himself. Like, like he understood what his mission was supposed to be. He understood from the point of his age of reason, which the church says is seven years old, he understood who he was, that he was the son of God and what his mission was supposed to be. Whether it was seven years old when he understood, we don't we don't know that. But he knew this. And when he was 12 years old, scripture tells us that he went and was preaching in the temple, and all who heard him were astounded. And if you if you understand what that should have been, what the result of that should have been, here's this 12-year-old boy who's preaching in the temple, and all of the people around him are asking him questions and astounded. A Jewish boy who is showing that much promise likely would have been recruited to go and study and become a great rabbi. But Jesus understood what his call was supposed to be, but he jumped the gun a little bit. And so he goes to the temple, and Mary and Joseph come and they're they're worried about him. And then that passage ends by saying Jesus went with them and lived under their authority and grew in stature, age, and in wisdom. And so even Jesus had to realize I'm under my parents' authority, and this is not yet the time for this mission. And so he kind of jumped the gun on what he was called to, and he had and he went and spent the remainder of, you know, the next 18 years with his parents living this quiet life in Nazareth of spiritual prayer and reflection. So when we have these things that we feel called to, and maybe they bring us great, great life. I mean, we're we're in the midst of the spiritual reflection reflection right now within our own call and our own mission and what we feel. But it does take that because sometimes if we jump the gun like Jesus did, it could result in something that is not that could lead to a feelings of failure, or that is not what God is calling us to. And so I relate a lot to Mary. And at the end of the annunciation and at the end of the presentation in the temple, it says, And she pondered all of these things in her heart. I relate a lot to that because even if There's something that God has said. A lot of times we use the phrase we put it on the shelf.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

A lot of times it's it's okay to just pause and put it on the shelf. And the equivalent of that is just ponder it in your heart and pray with it. And there does have to be that element in our lives of prayer with the things that we feel called to because that can help to avoid those feelings of failures because we're allowing ourselves to be much more open to the will of God.

SPEAKER_00 22:29

Kara, again, I'm going back to Saint Francis. Um but he had that sense of he was going to be great. Right. His whole life he heard he was going to be great. And to go your your whole childhood and into early adulthood hearing how great you're going to be out of context and seeing how the world defines greatness even 800 years ago. I could see how that would be misleading and confusing. And so when Francis didn't achieve that greatness that he expected, it was hard for him. He had to wrestle with a very it was a very long and difficult process of wrestling with those feelings of failure. And no doubt when Jesus came, the apostles were expecting a Messiah that looked a very different way. Right. Again, kind of going back to that same point, Kara, um pondering things in our heart and realizing that God had a different plan. It's the it's the same plan. He's redeeming the world, he's bringing salvation, but it's gonna look a little different than you think, and God's plan is always better than yours.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Well, there might have even been this feeling of failure on the apostles' part, the people who had studied and walked with Jesus for three years and they're like, This is the Messiah, we know who he is. And then, oh, he went and got crucified by the Romans. I guess our mission failed. Right. And he's not going to save us because they did view this the Messiah, that he was gonna come and free them from Rome almost as like this this warrior or political messiah figure rather than somebody who was going to hand themselves over to free them from the true enemy, which is their sin.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

And so there might have been these feelings before the resurrection for those three days, like those were probably pretty rough three days.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Yeah, some of them even went back to fission. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

And and we see on the road to Emmaus, like they're all, you know, the the couple is complaining and they're like, haven't you heard what's happened? And they're really sad and upset about that. And so there probably was this widespread feeling of failure. Like, where did our Messiah go? He just got crucified. But God works in that and he has a greater plan. So even in the midst of our our failures or our feelings of failures, God can bring something great out of that and he wants to work in that in your life.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Peter, especially. Yeah. I feel bad for Peter, but I can also I can also relate to Peter so much um how low he must have felt, especially after denying Christ. Yeah. Three times. And you know, I think back to you when you asked the question about examples in our own lives. I I think of um early in my Christian walk a a particular sin I continued to struggle with. And I'd had a very radical conversion, but still continued to struggle with this particular sin. And I remember it was a third time that this thing happened, and I just felt really, really low and horrible, and like I had failed God so horribly that I he just couldn't use me anymore, you know. And I heard it's almost God speaks to us when we're listening, and uh it was almost like I heard in that still small voice, didn't Peter fail me three times? And immediately it was like my heart was just filled with this this hope and and recognizing that wow, if God could use Peter that way in the in the his own failings, he can use me too. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It certainly won't look the same way. Um but I think there's a value in that in seeing scripture is full of accounts of failure and how God shows up in the midst of that is scripture, if you think about it. The whole story of scripture, the whole story of the Bible is how God shows up in the midst of our failure and makes it so much better. We say it every Easter vigil, oh happy fault, which won for us so great a redeemer. Yeah. That is the story of Scripture. That is the hope of our salvation in Christ, that every failure can be turned around to a greater good. Yeah. We see that with Joseph. You know, his his brothers throw him in the well, they mean for his evil. Uh, when he's in prison, I bet he felt pretty low, and yet look what happens. Right. Second in command of all of Egypt, and God shows up.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

I think of the woman at the well, too. Like she had five failed marriages. Right. Well, four failed marriages, and the person who she was with was not her husband. And and if you read scripture, um, or if you want if you understand the geography of where they were walking, like they normally would avoid Samaria, but Jesus says, We we need to go through Samaria. Why did they need to go through Samaria to go meet the woman at the well? Like that is the only reason he went through that way was to go and meet her. And she was a failure. I mean, ultimately, but he brought about this great goodness in her heart, and she went on to evangelize her entire town, who should who normally she would hide from. So I do find a lot of comfort in reading about the failures in scripture because Jesus meets them in that, God meets them there. And I do uh relate to Peter. I mean, can you imagine? Like, like he Jesus says, I must go and be crucified, and he's like, God forbid this would happen to you. And she's like, get behind me, Satan.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Like I get I get upset and sad when someone yells at me from their car in the parking lot and I hold on to that. But to have like the Messiah call you Satan, who had just praised you, who had just praised you previously. Exactly. Like talk about feeling like a failure. Right. But he overcomes that. And how does he overcome that? By you know, receiving the grace of God because he continues to deny him at the cross and he leaves him at the cross. But then the at Pentecost, so God, you know, God comes into him. The Holy Spirit comes upon him, yeah, and he goes on to do great things. So the really the response of you know overcoming these feelings of failure is to turn to God in everything, to turn to the sacraments to receive the grace, because that it's Christ who is going to speak truth into our lives.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Yeah. Kara, I think we have to, maybe this is another tip. We have to present to God, present to Christ our failures and say, Lord, make up for what I've done poorly. Yeah. Redeem what I have lost, redeem what I have done badly. Because he he can and he will if we will surrender that to God and allow God to work in those situations.

unknown 28:54

St.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Therese did that a lot. She actually talks about that. She says, Um, well, it's not her, but in the in the book I believe in love, which is a personal tr retreat based on her life, which I know we've talked about. Um, it talks about how how much greater is it if we say the prayer rather than like, God, I wish I wouldn't have done this, but to say the prayer, God, bring about a greater good from the evil I have done than you would have had I never done that evil. So he can bring a great good out of, you know, even our shortcomings.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Right. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

I know there are other passages that you like too with this, Fred. The calming of the storm is a great one.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

And yes, um, the Jesus stills the storm. It's comes from Mark 4, 35 through 41. Jesus is after preaching, he tells the disciples, let us go to the other side. He's talking about the lake. Um, first I want to point out he says, Let us go to the other side. So they they get in the boat and they're they're crossing the lake, and uh and a storm comes up, a really powerful storm, shakes the boat. Jesus is asleep. He's not worried about the storm. But the disciples get really terrified and they say, Lord, don't you care that we're perishing? Don't you care that we're perishing? And he responds by saying, Peace be still. He's talking, you know, it seems like he's talking to the water, the storm, but I think in a lot of ways he's talking to the apostles as well. And he says, Why are you afraid? Have you no faith? And it says that they were filled with awe and said to another, Who then is this that even the wind and sea obey him? I love that story because one thing that sticks out to me, and Carrie, you alluded to this earlier. Jesus said, Let us go to the other side. That means they have a word from God saying they're gonna make it to the other side side. He never said it wouldn't be difficult. Right. He never said there wouldn't be struggle. And I think if you look at the words of Christ, he promises that in this world there will be trials, there will be struggles. Matthew 7 13. Yeah. But he also says that do not be afraid, for I have overcome the world. But we know that there will be troubles, but we know that Christ is with us in the minst of those troubles, saying to us, be still. You know, James 1, 2 through 4, consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials. For you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, and let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. So those things, those str those struggles we face, actually serve, if we allow them, if we cooperate with God in the midst of those storms, actually serve to help us become perfect and help us to become who God has called us to be.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

You know what I like in uh in Mark 4 at the calming of the storm? I like that he says, Let us get into the boat. And because I think, you know, we see where he says, Have you no faith? And we read that as like, oh, they didn't trust him. But he's like, Let us get into the boat. And then there's a giant storm. It's not like this storm just appeared magically out of nowhere. And these are fishermen, like his apostles, they knew how to read the signs of of the sky. They could tell that there was likely a storm approaching. And he says, Let us get into the boat. And I'd be thinking, Um, there's a storm coming. Yeah, but they go and they get in the boat. So I like that this shows that they have trust in in Jesus enough to at least get in the boat knowing that there's a storm coming.

SPEAKER_02 32:25

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Because I think I relate to that a lot. Like there are moments in my life where I I do say, Jesus, I trust in you. And then even in the midst of that trust, there's a moment where that trust falters, just like they did. You know what I mean? Yeah. But it shows that there's hope. And like you said, like that sounds like a promise. Let us go to the other side. That sounds like a promise. So even in the midst of kind of this fluctuation of I do trust you, oh, this is really hard to trust you.

SPEAKER_00 32:49

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:50

He promises, like, I'm gonna bring you to the other side.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

Yeah. Amen. Another passage, Kara, is Matthew 14, 22 through 33, and this is the account of Jesus, similar situation, you know, stormy water. Jesus is not with them on the boat, but he comes to them walking on the water. And Peter uh says, Lord, if it's you, bid that I would come out of the water. So Peter steps out on the boat and starts to walk toward Christ, but then he begins to sink. And it says that when he saw the wind, when he saw the waves, that is actually when he began to sink. And he says, Lord save me. What I think is fascinating how it says he begins to sink. I don't know about you, but you don't like is it jello? Yeah, you don't slowly sink. It's not a slowly sinking process really here. Uh but he says, Lord save me, and Jesus immediately reached out his hand, caught him, and said, Oh man of little faith, why did you doubt? And then when they got into the boat, the wind ceased, and those in the boat worshiped, saying, Truly you are the Son of God. But care, to your point there, it's kind of the same thing that you were getting at. I think what we see in both these accounts is the only time we really fail, the only time we really sink is when we take our eyes off Christ. The disciples in the boat could look at Jesus' peace and be still with him because he was at peace. And yet they took their eyes off of him, focused on the storm and the trouble. Same thing with Peter, and he began to sink. But Jesus never lets us sink all the way, does he? Right. He rescues him, he pulls him up. Um and that's kind of the the thing that I get from both of these is I cannot fail if I keep my eyes on Christ.

SPEAKER_03 34:39

I like how in the calming of the storm he's sleeping. It's like even in the midst of our failure, he's like, I got this.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Don't worry. I'm not worried about it.

SPEAKER_03 34:48

I'm just gonna go over here and take a nap.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

It is kind of funny when you think about it, like, I created the heavens and the earth. What what's this? The storm. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:56

Um, that's funny. I think um I'm going back to the story that I shared at the beginning of just feeling like I was failing as a mom um in mass because I was worried about what the world thought and what was going on around me. And j that exact same day, um, I've been reading Imitation of Christ every night before I go to bed because St. Therese did, and she's she's my idol, so I want to be here now.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

She is looking at us in the corner. She's in the corner as we speak.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

Yeah. So she read Imitation of Christ, just one of the passages every night. So I've been reading that every night, and that night, um, when it was just a really rough day, that night I opened up Imitation of Christ, and I read a passage from it, and it's it's a disciple who's praying to God, and it says, Strengthen me, O God, by the grace of your Holy Spirit. Grant me the power to grow in holiness and to empty my heart of all useless care and anxiety, that I am I may not be led by the desire of earthly things, whether of little or great value. Help me to regard all things in this world as they are, passing and short-lived. And it really brought me a lot of comfort because I think so much of that feeling that day, and the feeling that I think often creeps into my mind, and maybe others, really does come from a place of caring what the world thinks and caring about earthly things. Like, why do I feel like a failure as a mom? Because the world puts into my mind what I'm supposed to be as a mom. It's just this this culture, and maybe it's a different culture in a different place or a different parish, but it's the things around us that tell us what it is to be great or how it's supposed to be. And so it's those things that also bring anxiety and feeling like I'm a failure because I'm not fitting into what the world is. And so this was a great comfort to just be able to read this and to be able to kind of shed, like, okay, I don't really care what people thought about me. And and it was like two days later, two days after this happened at Mass, where I was driving um to go get lunch, and I pulled into this parking lot and I stopped, but I almost cut somebody off. Um, so they were gonna drive right in front of me, and I was I was pulling in and they just like like blew up. I couldn't hear them because we were both in our cars, but I could I could see, and her hands were like flying, and she was staring at me like I was just super dumb and it was obvious that she was very upset. We'll just say that. And so I kept my calm and I just waited until she drove past, and then I went and parked in the parking lot and cried in my car because it was already just a rough week, and because I let in that moment what somebody else thought of me control how I felt about myself. And so it was it was in reading passages like this and an imitation of Christ, it kind of clumps themed passages together. So it was like I was still reading things every night about letting go of what the world thinks and what the world says. And it was read in reading those passages that there was just a lot of freedom. Like it it says something like, it's the weak soul that allows other people to define who they are rather than resting in the truth of who they are from God. And it was that was very freeing as well. And it was like, I don't want to be a weak soul, I want to be one that rests in the truth of who I am, and that's a daughter of God. Right. And so I do think sometimes these feelings of failures do come in because of what the world tells us we are supposed to be, or because of what the world thinks of us. And who cares what the world thinks?

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Right. Yeah, a lot of it is the perceptions of what we think success is and what it should be. And oftentimes those perceptions are faulty. Yeah. They really are. Who does God say that I am? Who does God call me to be? What am I made for? I'm made to know, love, and serve him, um, so that one day I could be happy with him in heaven. That's the foundational truth. And that's what we need to keep our focus on.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

I forget what passage it is. Um, but in scripture it says, You will be hated by all because of my name. And then it goes on, but those who endure till the end will be saved. Yeah. I love that passage. I find a lot of comfort in that passage. And so I think there I mean, none of us want to go around and be hated. Right. But it's okay if somebody yells at you in their car. It's okay if somebody comes up and says, You should really take your kids to the back of church, even if that hurts you and makes you feel sad, because God knows what your heart is and he knows what your intention is, and he is going to bring a lot of beauty from the midst of our failures.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

I alluded to this earlier about success. I think this comes in here as well. A little bit more, maybe we can touch on this uh about our idea of success and what it looks like and what Christ actually says. John 15, 5, I know that's one of your favorite scripture passages. Abide in me and I in you, for apart from me, you can do nothing. Yeah. Um, how do you see that relating to this discussion on failure?

SPEAKER_03 40:01

Um, I think it goes to kind of what I was talking about um just a moment ago too, with sometimes we let the voice of the world be so much louder than the voice of God. And so we fall into these feelings of being a failure. But when we are able to rest in God and who he calls us, it brings a lot of freedom. And I think I've told this story before on a different episode. I don't remember which one, so I'm gonna tell it again. But there was a point in my life where I just felt really um ill-equipped, I guess. Um, I was in the midst of writing a talk and I was just like really struggling with what to do with that talk and what the topic should be. And uh I literally had it was a week from having to go give it and I had nothing. And so I was just praying to God, and it was kind of like I was talking to, you know, an elderly person that I respected, and it was kind of like, God, thank you for calling me to this, but I'm struggling, and can you help me? And like that was it. It was just really kind of fluff. Um, and I just got this sense that God was asking me, Kara, why don't you tell me what you're actually feeling? And I just started crying. Man, I've told stories where I cried like three times, three times since I think a lot. I cry a lot. Um, and I just started crying because I knew what I was feeling, and he wanted to know what I was feeling, and I so I was praying and crying. And I just said, Thank you for calling me to this ministry, but I have no idea why you've called me to this ministry because I just don't feel like I'm good enough. And God said, You're not, but I am. And it wasn't like what we talked about at the beginning, it wasn't like you know, the father of lies saying you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not funny enough. But it was God who just freed everything and was like, Why do you feel like you have to be enough, Kara? I am enough, and can't you just let me be enough? That was basically what was in all of you know those couple words that he said. And that really gets at that scripture passage, apart from me, you can do nothing. And he was basically saying, let go of this, feeling like it has to be all on you and just put it all on me because I'm gonna do it. And so it was very freeing. And I feel like so often in our lives when we have these struggles where we feel like we're failing or we're not good enough, all God wants is for us to just give those feelings over to him and and say yes when he asks, Can I just be enough?

SPEAKER_00 42:35

Right. And Kara, if we're full disclosure and vulnerability, if we're honest, I mean it's been that same way for both of us with this podcast. Right. Yeah. Lord, why would anybody listen to us? Yeah. You know, I think you you call the wrong people. Um, and we've struggled that, I think, even in doing this, but we get the Lord kept tugging on our hearts, and here we are, and right there's people listening by the grace of God.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:59

Um but yeah, I think that that scripture stands out to me as well for the same reason, Kara, that he who abides in me and I in him. The fruitfulness will be there. He promises that that when we abide in him, the things we desire, the things he puts in our heart will will bear fruit. Philippians 4 13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And that's the thing too, we have to remember is that when we're struggling with those feelings of failure, those feelings of not being good enough, we have to look to Christ and remember that, yeah, our efforts aren't going to be enough. Yeah. We need him. We need Christ at the center. And through him, we can do all things.

SPEAKER_03 43:36

I like those passages in scripture. They're not just like quippy sayings that you put on a, you know, a frame and hang it on your wall. Right. It's the truth that God tells us apart from me, you can do nothing. And that was it's in the passage of the rich young man, which we reference in our shorty that we did about scripture. It ends with Jesus saying, you know, it's impossible for a rich man to enter heaven as impossible as a camel to enter through the eye of. A needle, but with Christ, all things are possible. That's not just like a phrase that we just randomly pop out of scripture and it's like, oh, that's nice. Right. It's true. With Christ, all things are possible. And so when we have struggles in our life, when when we feel like we're weak, when we feel like we're not good enough, or when we fall into sin and we feel like a failure after we feel like a failure in our spiritual life because we just fell. With Christ, all things are possible. So with Christ, especially when we fall into sin, running to Christ in the confessional and receiving grace, all things are possible. And we receive salvation.

SPEAKER_00 44:33

Yeah. Second Corinthians 12 9. My grace is sufficient for you. And then Paul says, When I am weak, then I am strong. And that strength is is God working in and through us.

SPEAKER_03 44:42

Mm-hmm. And I like that too. Like he often, maybe this is a later episode, but he often chooses the weak. And I feel like he chooses the weak because it's the weak who glorify his strength. Because it's like somebody looks at them and they're like, How the heck did they just do that? Yeah. And so it's through kind of our weakness shining that God shines. Because it has to be God if there's success. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Yeah, you you have been talking about Gideon a lot lately.

SPEAKER_03 45:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Yeah. And how he didn't have this great army. He had 300 men.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Well, he had a great army, he had 32,000 men, and God said, No, no, no, send them away. Because if you win, what are people gonna say? They're gonna say, you know, how great was their army? They were so strong. Right. And so God says, Get rid of your army. And so he sends away all but three hundred people and they go and they win. So he works through seemingly ridiculous situations that another person would be like, they're gonna fail. Right. But he brings about greatness.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

Yeah. Samson, I always like to think of Samson, you know, everybody always asks him, What's the source of your strength? You always see Samson depicted as some muscle-bound strong man, and I am confident he was not.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

Otherwise, why would they ask?

SPEAKER_00 45:52

Why would they ask? He looked like Steve Urkel looking for some cheese. That's what he looked like. Uh otherwise, why would they ask? And I think that's incredible that God does that.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

Yeah, or David and Goliath. They're all of the apostles, really. So, I mean, I hope this gives you some hope in looking at the scripture examples because so often we feel like we're a failure because the world might point to us looking like a failure. But God is saying, I want to work through that and let me work through that. And we just have to say yes. So if you are struggling with these feelings of um of feeling like a failure in in work and family life and whatever it is that you're doing in in your prayer, I just encourage you to turn to Christ, um, hand it over to Him. But if you want something, you know, more tangible, go to our website and click the contact page and let us know. And we will add you to the prayer list. And we want to pray for you. We want to encourage you and help you and offer your intentions up as our intentions so that God can also continue to work through you even in the midst of your failure.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Thank you once again for listening to Draw Near with Fred and Kara. Draw near is brought to you locally by Cybercloak.tech, providing confidence and cybersecurity for small businesses. Learn more by contacting Cybercloak.tech's CTO and founder, Steve Gretkin, at 712 220 3001. We now return to regularly scheduled programming here on Siouxland Catholic Radio.