Are you a 20-year-old single Muslim woman who wants to avoid marrying Mr. Wrong?
Yes?
If so, "Happily Ever Hereafter" is the podcast that will turn you into a "Marriagineer" - someone who reverse-engineers a divorce-proof, happy, and healthy marriage that leads to Jannah, in shā Allāh. Not by accident. But by design.
Every episode walks you through Marriage.MBA's 8-Step Marriage Roadmap -practical True-Love Skills built on three things that matter: research, Islam, and real life.
First, you'll learn how to avoid the Love Mistakes that send good Muslim women straight into Mr. Wrong's arms.
Second, you'll discover your Marriage Sweet Spot, without sacrificing your education or career.
Third, Instead of waiting around and hoping "a good guy just shows up," you'll design your own Marriage Magnet, so your Mr. Right finds you faster.
Fourth, you'll learn how to Recruit Your Parents into your Marriage Team and turn them into your greatest allies.
Fifth, you'll learn how to Propose Like Khadijah (ra), so you can find your future co-founder the halal way, without secret DMs or acting like you don't care.
Sixth, get to know your Mr. Potential in a way that's Better Than Dating, no apps, no games, no wasting your 20s on situationships.
Seventh, you'll answer the most important question of your life: Is He The One? with clarity and confidence, before you get engaged. And finally...
Eighth, you will learn about The 10-Minute Wedding, so you can have a big wedding without killing your future marriage - stress-free, debt-free, and divorce-proof.
No fairy tales. No guesswork. No waking up ten years from now wondering how you got here. Just the honest, practical steps your future self, and your future co-founder, will thank you for.
New full episode every Friday. Mini-episodes throughout the week.
Once again, why do you want to follow this podcast?
Because you deserve to divorce-proof at 20, so you can live happily ever hereafter,in shā Allāh.
Most people get married with a strong passion for each other, thinking it would make their marriage last. Some of them don't even make it a year before they realize how incompatible they are with each other.
In this episode, you will learn:
The areas of compatibility you need to check before moving forward
What 40+ years of research reveals about couple arguments that will change how you see compatibility
Where the line actually is between a disagreement you can live with and one that will quietly destroy your marriage
🧭 WHY YOU FOLLOW THIS PODCAST: Because you deserve to be a Marriagineer - a Muslim woman who reverse-engineers a divorce-proof, happy, and healthy marriage that leads to Jannah, in shā Allāh, following Marriage.MBA's 8-Step Marriage Roadmap.
So one day, you can ask your future co-founder, your future husband: "Will you marry me in Jannah?"
All 20 True-Love Skills. One step-by-step roadmap. Built for a 20-year-old single Muslim woman who wants to divorce-proof her future marriage - because a solid pre-marriage education reduces your chance of divorce by 30%.
Watch the videobook, listen to the audiobook on the Marriage.MBA app, or flip through the hardcover as you sip your green tea. For the best results, do all three.
If you fall in love first and then realize he's not compatible, that's a recipe for disaster.
SPEAKER_00
What does it mean to be compatible? What is compatibility?
Sharif Faizullah
Every step of this marriage journey, you will be dealing with these slices. When you speak to the guy, this is how you will judge. Am I compatible with the guy or not? Do we have to have the exact same answers? There is no such thing as 100% compatibility.
SPEAKER_00
What about those things where we don't have a gray area and they're more difficult to solve?
Sharif Faizullah
Based on 40 plus years of research, they are never ever ever ever ever ever resolved. This is essential in order to divorce proof your future marriage, inshallah. Divorce proof your future marriage today. Who is my Mr. Compatible? The clothes you're wearing, what do they do for you? Your clothing protects you from the cold, makes you look beautiful, gives you warmth and comfort, it hides your nakedness and flaws. So let's say if you're size six, can you live with size four, one size smaller in terms of clothing? Yeah. It'll be a little bit tight, but it's doable. Can you live with a size eight, one size bigger? It'll be a little bit loose, but still manageable. In a marriage, you will be each other's garment in all senses of the word. That's why compatibility is so important. If you're size six and he's size two, not a good match. Say you're size six and he's size ten, also not a good match. The gap is too much. If you fall in love first and then realize he's not compatible, that's a recipe for disaster. But if you find out that he's somewhat compatible, then it's easy for the seed of love to grow out of that. So if you're multitasking now, please bring your full attention here because this is essential in order to divorce-proof your future marriage. This goes all the way until the wedding step. Take a screenshot of this, please. Eight slices of compatibility. What are they? Practical, religious, emotional, social, sexual, physical, intellectual, and financial. And if you want to remember them, there is a phrase press pivot. Remember the questions I said you're gonna ask the guy this question? They are based on these eight slices. The background check you'll be doing, based on these eight slices. The deal makers and deal breakers you'll be building on, based on these eight slices. The red flags you're gonna be looking at, based on these eight slices. Every step of this marriage journey, you will be dealing with these slices. That's why they are essential. Sometimes people just look at one or two slices that are top of their mind and they ignore the rest. And you saw sexual compatibility. Some of you are already like, wait, wait, wait, like just chill. I already gave you guys some clue in terms of some secret habit, in terms of what his current lifestyle is when it comes to that. It is comprehensive, and we'll be covering all of them based in love. I want to give you guys some examples. Some easy ones are financial compatibility. What is that? Got to do with money. It involves your career, it involves spending habit and money management. Some of the ones that are not as clear, for example, intellectual compatibility. What does that mean exactly? Intellectual compatibility means your values, your education, your decision making, and your sharing of ideas. Physical compatibility, that's mainly your age and your health. Sexual compatibility, it's your attitude about both spouses being sexually satisfied and also the current lifestyle to make sure that you are protected and you are safe. What about social compatibility? Social compatibility has to do with your culture, in-laws, friends, and social media. What about emotional? Emotional compatibility, that's your personality, how you express anger, and how you resolve conflicts. The last part I just said, how you resolve conflicts, absolutely essential. We're gonna teach you how to do that soon, inshaAllah. And then religious compatibility, that is your practice of Islam. And last, practical compatibility. Practical compatibility is husband and wife's roles, children, daily routines, and life goals. That includes what type of marriage style you want, who's going to do what, all of that plan. This is it. When you speak to the guy, these are the topics you will do deep dives on. This is how you will judge. Am I compatible with the guy or not? In some areas, you'll be an excellent feature, maybe even 10 out of 10. In some areas, it might be 8 out of 10. In some areas, it might be 6 out of 10. That's fine. So you're looking for an overall compatibility. You will not find 100% compatibility. So make sure we are clear on that. Before we talk about dating in the next chapter, do we have any questions on this?
SPEAKER_00
What does it mean to be compatible? Do we have to have the exact same answers, or your answers have to match at least a little bit? What is compatibility?
Sharif Faizullah
If you are here, you want him to be somewhere in the vicinity. That's what compatibility is. If you're here and he's like way out there, then you would not be compatible. And this goes into everything. If you look at every single slice of compatibility, if there's a big mismatch, you don't see eye to eye at all. You are on the north zone and he's in the south zone. You are black in one area, he's white in one area. The point is, do you guys see a gray zone in between those two black and white extremes? Because if you can see some gray zone, that's good. That's what we're looking for. That's what we mean by compatibility. It is never about 100% compatibility. You want three children and he wants five children. Are you guys incompatible? No. So don't go into that level of nitty-gritty detail. Allah might test you. You might have zero children. You might have all seven. You might have more than you wanted. As long as you're on the same page, as long as you're willing to discuss that, it is not one of your deal breakers, you are compatible.
SPEAKER_00
What happens if you are completely white? He's completely black, there is no gray in certain areas. Is that okay?
Sharif Faizullah
As long as those are not part of the deal breakers, that's fine. I'll give you an example. Before marriage, even the first couple of years marriages, I was a meat eater twice a day, like meat eater. I don't eat meat anymore. Maybe oddhiyya, aklika, and things like that. But I consider myself to be a 99% plant-based lifestyle. I have some occasional wild-caught salmon. But think about this. My wife is a meat eater. I am not. But this thing happened after marriage. Now, imagine this was there before marriage. Imagine what I know about nutrition and health and diet. Let's say I knew that 15 years ago, and I said, hey, this is my lifestyle. And my wife said, No, I love my chicken and the biryani and all of that meat my mom cooks. I'm not gonna give that up. I'm like, it's not a deal breaker for me. Can we still be compatible? Yeah. So don't be so extreme when it comes to this type of stuff. Because I know a lot of couples, this is this meat. I'm talking about zabiha and non-zabiha. You know what the difference that is? Zabiha folks, they look at non-zabiha as haram. They're like, oh my god, how dare you! A lot of Muslims practice that, and according to some scholars, it's totally fine. So you see, it has to do with how much leeway you have, how much room you have in your lifestyle, in your belief, in your practical day-to-day living. So do not be extreme. As long as it is not one of your deal breakers, don't just cut it out, like keep going, inshallah. And couples who have this type of disagreements and they don't see eye to eye, but they're able to make it work, those are golden, by the way. Because if they're able to handle that, oh my God, everything else, all these other little problems are nothing.
SPEAKER_00
That one, I think, like being vegetarian versus a meat eater, those are kind of like an easy fix. Yeah, we can have chicken in the house and we can have salad in the house, we can eat different things. The world's not gonna end if we have a different meal. What about those things where it's like we don't have a gray area and they're more difficult to solve? It's not a matter of, oh, we buy different groceries. Like, for example, anxious attachment, avoid an attachment. When I'm angry, I want to scream and slam a door. When you're angry, you need to take a walk and just don't talk to me at all. Those types of things, do you think that there has to be some level of compatibility or how do you navigate that?
Sharif Faizullah
It's something my wife and I drove each other crazy in the first couple of years. So I know a lot about that. Did we know about that before marriage? No, we didn't. Eyes closed, we didn't even talk about that stuff. So the fact that now we're self-aware, you're asking this question, and anyone who's listening to this, if they have this level of self-awareness and you're able to have this discussion and you guys are honest with each other, like, hey, when I get mad, when I get upset and angry, ah, this is what I do, just the fact that you know about each other, you can actually help each other. Let's find a way to get to secure attachment. Let's help each other build that. So I think that is definitely not a deal breaker. Unless, unless abuse comes into the picture, but you're being honest and able to guide each other and help each other inside marriage, you could definitely make that work. I'm thinking of examples where things that people tend to think as like, oh my God, that's it. I can never marry this guy. This is why I say, is this a deal breaker? Is the guy a non-Muslim? Like, okay, I understand that's a deal breaker. If it's not a deal breaker, but you're able to talk about it and the guy has a lot of the deal makers you're looking for, you might regret not moving forward. Keep going. And yeah, at a certain point, if things are revealed, like other deal breakers, red flags, if they compound on top of each other to the point, like, okay, that's too many red flags. I don't think we can ignore these anymore. Yeah, conclude that at that point. But don't be too much in a rush just because you see one thing that you disagree with. That's it. I can never work with this guy. I will tell you the good news on it. This number shocked me. Based on 40 plus years of research, Dr. Gottman and others, they found that majority of the disagreements and fights couples have are never ever resolved. And his exact number was 69% of all arguments and disagreements that fights couple have. They are never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever resolved. You know what that means? You just learn to live with them. That's it. So, what about the other 31%? That's the stuff that you need to solve. So you focus all of your attention on 31% that could be solved, and you just learn to live with the others.
SPEAKER_00
You mentioned specifically you want to prioritize and look for overall compatibility.
Sharif Faizullah
So, what is overall? Of the eight slices of compatibility, which ones are most important to you? I could tell you some, but that would be my preference. Your life, it's your marriage. Have an opinion, have a preference. This is one, this is two, this is three. These are my top three. Okay, great. So then what would I do is prioritize which slices are more important to you and make sure you are more compatible in those than the other ones? Because the ones that really matter to you, if you're a little bit more compatible in that, that's fine. And then the other ones that are not as important to you, it's okay if the gap is a little bit more in those areas. Can I date?
SPEAKER_00
I feel the need to date because my parents went through an arranged marriage.
Sharif Faizullah
Just because he's all fun and charming when you date him, doesn't mean he's a made for life material. How do you make sure what he says are really his views or if he's just making it up to sound better? Is there a way to get to know him without breaking your heart over and over?
SPEAKER_00
How else am I supposed to get to know him if I can't spend time with him or ask him questions? Why is dating not these?
Sharif Faizullah
I would like to invite you to something better than dating.
