The Not-So Only Child

What happens when a single email from a stranger confirms the secret you have been living with your whole life?

In this episode, Rich Boerner returns to Family Twist to share the second half of his extraordinary story. In Part One, Rich discovered the truth about his father after finding a Polaroid tucked inside his mother’s old address book. That discovery shattered the story he had grown up believing and opened the door to an entirely new family.

In Part Two, Rich picks up the story a decade later, when an unexpected email from a woman claiming to be his half-sister pulls him into the next chapter of his life. What follows is an emotional mix of disbelief, connection, and forgiveness.

Rich talks about how he went from shock to understanding, how he built a new relationship with his sister, and why finally learning the truth changed the way he viewed both of his parents. He also shares how the process of telling his story became a healing experience, first for him and then for his children.

The Not-So Only Child

In this episode

• How one photo uncovered a lifetime of secrets
• The decade between discovery and connection
• What it feels like to finally meet a sibling who already knew the truth
• The complicated emotions of forgiveness after decades of silence
• How Rich turned his discovery into his memoir and audiobook The Not-So Only Child
• Why storytelling can be one of the most powerful forms of healing

About Rich Boerner

Rich Boerner is a veteran radio producer, audio storyteller, and the author of The Not-So Only Child: My True Story. His book began as an experiment in the recording booth, speaking his story aloud rather than writing it, and evolved into an audiobook and memoir that explores identity, loss, and reconnection.

You can find The Not-So Only Child on Amazon in print, ebook, and audiobook formats.

Why this episode matters

Rich’s journey is about more than DNA surprises. It is about what happens after the truth surfaces, when you have to decide whether to open the door to the people and the pain that come with it. His story reminds us that healing often begins with honesty, and that our voices, even shaky ones, can help others feel less alone.

Listen now

Subscribe to Family Twist wherever you get your podcasts and hear more stories that prove family secrets are the ultimate plot twist.

Transcript

DNA surprise recap, secret sibling reveal, and The Not-So-Only Child

Corey 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome back to Family Twist. Last week we met Rich Burner, who grew up thinking he was an only child until the Polaroid fell out of his mother's address book and changed everything he thought he knew about his family. If you missed part one, I urge you to go back and listen because that moment set off one of the most powerful stories we've ever shared on the show. This week, Rich picks up a story a while later, when one expected email opens a door to a whole new tree. We'll talk about what it's like to connect with a sibling you never knew you had, how forgiveness can reshape the story you grew up with, and how Rich turned his discovery into his memoir, an audiobook, The Not So Only Child. Because as we like to say around here, family secrets are the ultimate plot twist. Let's get back into it with Rich.

Long term affair, shared cemetery, and the decades long family secret

Why I wrote The Not-So-Only Child, turning a family secret into a memoir and audiobook

How I recorded my family story in a studio booth for my kids, audio first memoir process

Rich 0:50

Email comes back. The first words in the email are holy, it's like three lines. Holy shit, you end the you can end the word. And and she goes, I can't believe it. Tears are streaming down my face. I go. It's this long, long email of just, you know, oh my, I'm I I have a I have a brother. I can't believe it. So I said I email her back. I said, can you talk right now? Because I'm gonna, I'm gonna send my, you know, let's let's connect online because this email is I'm over it. So we started to we talked for probably two hours and connected, and we did so. We promised to do so like weekly, and we did so weekly for uh probably a couple of months because there was so much to catch up on and to find out. And for me to try to detective work, find out how, why, who knew, how and and how did this happen? And it it was great, it was healing on many levels because it enabled me to give me details so I could we uh theoretically wear his shoes and go, oh okay, so it could take a lot of the anger, resentment, or anything else I had towards this man and turn it into something that's like, what would you do in that situation? It's like I I you know what I I don't know the answer because I'm not I could never be in it, but I can see where it's like, oh damn, he's trapped. Now, as far as the relationship, I whatever. It's it's all it's all good. But apparently this, this, you know, the they yeah, this man and my mother worked together for almost 40 years in a couple of different jobs. Wow, and but he was married, and in those times, you know, for him, divorce would have been nope, not an option. And and also his ex, my sister found out from her mom, because he he died, he died nine months after my mom died. And at the last minute, changed where he wanted to be buried to the same cemetery where my mom is, but my sister didn't know she was in there. The sister's family didn't know that my mom was in that cemetery until I told her in our conversations. She was like, What? He changed it. The last minute he changed because he was going down. He knew his heart was failing, and he changed where he wanted to be. He said, I have to be in this cemetery. So he said, I took him there and we bought a plot. So there were just so many layers to this story. The reason why I wrote it was I'm so happy it's out as a book and an audiobook and everything else. I tried for 10 years to create this story. Because everybody, every time I told it to somebody, like, oh my God, you have to tell this story, you should write a book. But I'm an audio guy, I've always been since I got my first little handheld tape recorder. I can write. Sure, I had to write in high school, in college, I had to write papers, but those are torture. They're torture, right? So there's no artistry to them, you know? So I tried and tried and tried. I the initially, after trying and not succeeding, I hired a ghostwriter. And the ghostwriter started writing a story about me. And I was like, no, you don't get it. I'm sorry. So I said, here's your money. Thank you. I appreciate you. You're an excellent writer, but this is not what I would need. And it just sat for a while. And then I had a friend who I had helped develop his podcast. He's an ex NBA player named Paul Shirley. And he was a writer too. And he had actually Fox bought a book from him, and they messed up Ireland for it, messed up his book. And I helped him create a podcast called Stories I Tell on Dates out of the book that he wrote. I'm like, dude, no, we can create this deep podcast, almost like a narrative story. And we did. And so he also created, he had a brick and mortar business called the Writer's Block in LA, where people would just come and pay for sessions and everything else. And he said, you can come whatever you want for free. And I, you know, once a once a month I'd come down and spend an hour and a half and go, I got so much done. I got so much, I'm good. But I couldn't figure out the I couldn't figure out the story arc. I was like, Where what's the what's the payoff? What's the arc and what's the payoff? So I just kind of shelved it. I'm talking to him two years ago, and he says to me, dude, why don't you stop banging your head against the wall and just get in the booth and say it? I was like, what? He goes, I've seen you in the booth. I know what you do. Just get in the booth and say it. Take the pages in there, don't read them, just go. So this book was created in this booth right here. I had notes. I had sometimes I had written stuff, but not to read. I had notes, I had everything else, and just sat and created. I was like, okay, let me create the first two chapters. And I created them and I started sharing them with friends who are in the podcast industry. And they were like, wow, this is a dynamic and you know, this is a good story. And I was like, okay. And then I let it sit again. It's like, okay, dude. And I really wanted this to exist for my kids, most of all. I love sharing the story with you and for the rest of the world because people say, that's a fascinating story. It's great. You know, it's funny, it's heartwarming, all that. But I needed my kids to know because my eldest was three when my mom died. The other two were not even born. So I needed them to know not just about me, but about the history of the who my parents were and what happened and all the rest. And I reconnected with a friend from Radio Days and said, Hey, what's been going on? So I'm filling her in on she's in a new venture. She's doing this to Tracy, she's doing this, and I'm doing that. And she's, I told her about the book. She goes, I would love to hear it. Do you would just share that with me? I'm like, Yeah, sure. So I share the first two chapters. She comes back, you know, oh my God, would you mind if I gave you notes? This is an amazing story, and I want to hear so much more. I'm like, sure, send notes. So she sends notes. And again, it's not notes where I would look and go, oh man, this is the worst error. It was, they were legit. I don't understand this. This is it. And it's like, so I I'm like, oh, I gotta fix these. Now I had an assignment. I fixed these. And she said, I can't wait to hear more. Now I have to do chapter three. So I did chapter three and send it. And she's like, I need more. Literally, like my muse. Um, and I would do, I'd gotta get two more chapters for her. Okay, and while I'm doing this, like one of those nights at 1:30 in the morning, I'm sitting there and I'm going, All right, I need to know what the rest of the chapters are. I kind of have a few mapped out, but I'm like, and I'm like, all of a sudden it just click here it is. Chapter, chapter, chapter, chapter, chapter, eight. This is where I am. I was like, thank you, universe. Which is a which is a theme throughout the book. The universe wanted something else. So, you know, it was amazing to create it in that way. And I say that in the front of the book, intro to the book, the prologue to the book, I talk about this is how I created this. I apologize for any grammatical errors you might see in there. I did my best to clean them up and make them readable. I did this by speaking. It's not just me reading, it's me reading. I'm the only voice in the book. I didn't create other voices and make it cartoony, but it's me and music and sound effects. Um, people said people connected with it. I listened to it. I'm you're always your own worst critic, and I'm like, should I redo that chapter? I could really do, I could be, I could get more into that. People, but other people like it, so I'm like, no, no, no, stop, stop messing with it.

Kendall 8:16

Yeah.

Rich 8:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, it changes. I'm sorry, the discoveries, and I know you you've addressed this in other your other shows too, but it changes your DNA. It changes everything because it just not it doesn't just change your life story that you had in your head, it changes the the world around you, how you perceive things, it changes your DNA.

How DNA discoveries and late in life truths can change your identity and family story

Kendall 8:43

Absolutely. Yeah.

Corey 8:46

And I love that that's the way that you did it because we're we're working on Kendall's story right now. And the way that I'm thinking of approaching it as like sort of a ghostwriter helper, whatever, is just turn on the recorder and I interview him and let him start telling his stories and stuff because you know it's his voice is the important one. I think the way you did it is more authentic. It doesn't have to be perfect.

Rich 9:11

Yeah, no, no, no. See, and that's the beauty, is like, you know, Kendall, like you know the story. So you'll tell the story, but you might need to be prompted in certain ways with certain questions or certain things. Or you might, because you know the details so well, you might leave some details out. And that's not like you're trying to hide anything. It's just like when we tell stories, we try to stay as focused as possible. So it's like, oh, there are little things that fall off the cart as we're going because I don't have time to go there. But like Corey interviewing you could be like, well, wait a minute. When you said that and that happened, what did that mean? You're like, well, that's a story within itself. But when you're telling it, you're not going to share that.

Kendall 9:44

No, it's Corey find those passageways.

Rich 9:51

So yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. People have said to me after doing this, and these are industry folks that I know, other people may want to do this. I just can't figure out the logistics of how to create something to make it easy enough. Because you guys do this for a living or regularly, and it'll be easier for you to do it. Most folks, you as you know, when they get a microphone or a camera like anxiety. Uh I don't want to suck. I don't want to suck. I don't want to suck and I can't remember anything, and I can't, and then you know, so it's a matter of, you know, how can you help? But in your case, you know, Kendall, it's not like you'll be nervous, but you'll have a focused version of every one of your stories, you know, because you've told it repeatedly, and you may very left, very right, meander and weave a little bit, but you have a focused version. Now, Corey, you're gonna be sitting there listening, going, okay, there's three substories in here that we're gonna talk about, but I'm gonna bring them up one at a time for him and let him roll.

Kendall 10:52

And after 20 years, he knows those stories really well, so he can help me. Right. Yeah. Right, yeah.

Rich 10:59

Cause and being the person who didn't live it, he has a totally different perspective of how juicy the story is, how much depth there is to the story, and how important it is for other people to know it. Yeah.

unknown 11:12

Yeah.

Corey 11:12

And this, I mean, and we won't get into any kind of detail here, but you know, we've practiced this a couple of times or done a couple of tests where I'm just like, I just get out the recorder, forget it's there, we're standing in the kitchen, you know, and just I'm asking him questions and he's telling the story. And there was a, you know, a wild incident that will be a crazy chapter in the book that happened post-Discovery. I felt completely helpless because I'm hundreds of miles away when Kendall's calling me and telling me what's happening, and it's just like, oh my gosh. So I think we we recorded it for like two hours or something just telling that that one story. And it's like, okay. Well, and then that's the level of detail that you're gonna want, you know, for him talking about his adoptive parents. You know, he's got very vivid memories of them, you know, as a little as a little sassy Kindle.

Forgiving my parents, healing anger, and using storytelling for generational healing

Rich 12:04

Right, right. Well, see, there's also there's real there again, there's a real warmth and good and connection in your voice together, your voices together, which will make something like that really enjoyable to listen to. You can turn anything you do here into print, it can be an ebook, whatever. It's not that difficult. I did it. It's a matter of when you get to print, trying to keep it as close to the actual written word as possible, without removing too many ums, hems, and haws and things like that. Because when you tell a story, you can say it four times in in 30 seconds, but when you read, it's like that uh you just keep throwing me off. Um so it's a matter of just minor cleanup. But yeah, that would be cool. I'd be excited to hear what you guys do. So, Rich, what was the reaction from your kids when they read the book? My eldest had a really, even though they were three when their grandmother died, they were three going on four. They had a really tight connection from the time they were able to communicate to other humans. And in fact, it caused some issues with my ex's mom because like why, why, why? There was no answer. It's not like we paid the baby. It just there was just a really tight connection. In fact, there was a time at age like two something, uh, we were visiting my mom in that little apartment I grew up in. And I think one time before they had been upstairs with my mom, and I sat there, and something was we needed something from the livery from the kitchen, and it was something that was in the kitchen under the sink or whatever, and said my mom said, I'll get it. And Shannon said, I know where it is, I know it, and ran and got it. I'm like, how do you know? And even my mom was like, How did how did she how did they know where this was? And it was just like, it was just like this really deep connection. I'm like, oh wow, you know, I have always been a believer in the possibility of reincarnation past lives and stuff. I'm like, you there you guys must have been buds in a past life, buds, whatever, together. You must have been together at some point, some way, shape, or form. Because it was just an instant connection. And like, you know, put put them in in my mother's arms when crying, and they stopped. You know, and so anyway, that when when they read it, it was it took uh when they listened, I I didn't read they didn't read it, but they listened. I shared the you know, before even publishing. I said, look, I'm thinking of publishing this and I need you to hear it. You're in this, I want to make sure you're okay with you know all that stuff. And I sent it, and it was just like I I positive words, but I'm hysterical crying because I'm so sad that I lost that connection and have never had it, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So my son, who's second in line, is also he's skilled like me at trying to hide his emotions. He didn't share, he just said it, hey, dad, it was really good, and he was one of the first ones to buy a book when it came out. I was like, I can get you a free one. He's like, No, I wanted to buy one. Then my youngest, who's 13 and not from my ex, who's with my wife, and read it. And I was like, Well, this will be interesting because he only appears as a mention in the very end because it's not really integral to the story, to be honest. I said, but uh, and he read it and he came out and he's he's a voracious reader. So I was like, You'll read this in like 30 seconds. It's less than it's slightly less than 200 pages. He came out one night and goes, I stayed up. It was like 1230, and I'm like, What are you doing up? He goes, I stayed up, I read it. This is such a good story. You're such a oh it was you're such a good writer. I appreciate that. I really do, especially coming from somebody who reads as much as you do. I said, I know you had a special, special connection, so maybe I get a you know, a grain of salt with with that review, but people they seem to like it. So I mean everybody I've shared it with has had positive response to it because I think it's it's not just my story. There's so many elements of what other people have gone through. You know, kind of like you know, Kendall, with you, you how you understand your story and then all the people you guys talk to, and every time you run into somebody, you're like, Yeah, I know. And and there were so many, I don't know if 40 years from now, there'll be the same kind of uh stories of magical discoveries, DNA discoveries, and everything else, because everything is so out there and and open right now, but everything, you know, until we got to the 90s, everything was kind of behind a closed door, you know. Keep it there, keep the secrets, don't talk about it and all the rest. So, but you know, like I said, the main purpose of writing this book, besides being a catharsis for me and helping me get through the process of figuring out uh finishing the process of forgiveness for both my parents. I love my mom dearly, but then there was that uh uh thing on like, how did you not tell me? How I'm angry at you, but I love it for my father getting through that, learning his story and what he dealt with, and learning to go, oh okay, I see there's some nobility to some of the things he did and situations he handled them, as opposed to going, you suck. Why did you do this? Why didn't you? If you were unhappy in that one, I totally understand based on the way my sister described her life growing up, even though they had a lot much more. She still joked, Next time I'm pushing you off the cloud first. We were born the same year. We're Irish twins, we're six months apart.

Corey 18:05

Yeah. Wow. So, Rich, there's a question that we've been asking uh as of late to all of our guests, and this would be interesting. Was there is there a song, an album, or an artist that you kind of leaned on as you were writing the book that helped the process?

Rich 18:22

Do you know? I have such diverse musical taste because I feel music. I I I literally feel music. So you know, I went through a period, my angry periods, I was heavily into nine-inch nails and rage against the machine, you know, because I feel it. So when that comes up, I still feel the connection. And I'm not saying that was what I use for the book. No, absolutely not. But I still feel that connection. So there's a few songs I'm like, yes, I feel the energy, I feel the connection. But for this book here, the song that comes to mind immediately, and I I listened to it a bunch, I don't listen to it every day, but it was from Peter Gabriel's cell album. It's called Red Rain. Oh yeah, yeah. Red Rain. And there is so much Red Rain could be perceived emotion, so much emotion in there to feel it, but it's almost like I feel it's like a sadness raining on me. And then once it washes over me, I feel like, oh, I'm I'm I feel better. And that's how I've always heard that song. It's kind of like, oh, it starts, and it could even be just you know the chords, the keyboard chords and everything else that start in that song, but you've it's washing down all over me, all over me, and then and then it's done, and now I feel clean, I feel better. So, I mean, others have perceived it differently. You know, you can do what you want, you can turn it into uh you know whatever you want, but that's how I heard that. So if I were gonna take one of my favorite songs and relate it to this, it would be Peter Gabriel's Red Rain, because that was the process of going through this whole thing. That's awesome.

Corey 20:00

And what a it's a great album.

Rich 20:02

Oh yeah.

Corey 20:03

Like when people answer this question, I often get to feel the chills like in my brain, you know, a little bit just because Kendall and I are the same way. Like we feel music, you know, and there's music almost constantly playing in our lives. So that's good. Oh yeah. A new Nine Inch Chenels album came out today, dropped today, Rich.

Rich 20:19

I heard the track the other day when I was driving my 13-year-old to school because we listened to the alternative station, of course. And again, but now I listen, I'm like, up to about 2015, I can name the artist, but beyond there, I'm like, who's that? Who's that? Who's that? I've reached that point. I'm like, ding ding. I thought that would happen to us, but we're the same. So, but that's exciting. I heard that and I was like, oh, I have to check that out. I definitely have to check that out. You know, it's quite alright. Because the reason, yeah, like I said, they were dark, uh, you know, that helped me explore my darkness, you know, explore the shadow and dive into the shadow. The problem is don't get caught in the shadow. Right with the shadow of the steering wheel. You can even have the shadow on the front seat with you if you need it, you know, which but don't give the shadow the steering wheel. But it it's okay because like just to say, it's not gonna for me, I know it's not gonna go away, and the more I try to to chain it and box it, the stronger it will get. So if I just say, Yeah, I'm gonna be with you for a while, and uh, you know, I'm I'm feeling intense angst and maybe sadness, and I'm gonna let's let's live this for a little bit, and now it's done.

Corey 21:29

Well, Rich, we really appreciate you sharing your process. I think it's gonna be helpful for us as we approach Kendall's book. And of course, we appreciate your bravery of just putting the story out there. I mean, it's not something that obviously everybody could do. So it's uh kudos to you for that.

Rich 21:45

Yeah, thank both of you. You have my email. Let's stay in touch. Let me know if you have questions or anything else. I'm the king of free advice. Some of it's good, some of it's not. As you're diving into doing this, I've created a bunch of these myself. If I can help guide you in any way, shape, or form, or give you some tips, let me know.

Corey 22:05

Absolutely.

Rich 22:06

Definitely appreciate that. Well, thank you guys. I appreciate you. Like I said before, don't forget if you are interested in the story, it's the not so only child, my true story, and you can get it on Amazon as an audiobook, an ebook, or print. The print cover looks pretty cool, by the way. A friend of mine designed the art, and I when I first saw it, I was like, oh, that's a lot. I showed it to my family and everything else. They're like, so cool. I'm like, okay, I'm cool. Yeah, I'm good.

Corey 22:34

Awesome. Well, yeah, we'll definitely uh share the links and all that. We'll be in the show notes. Yeah, we're definitely staying in touch. That's been one of the best things about doing this podcast is meeting wonderful people and getting to hear their amazing stories. I appreciate you guys. Thanks so much. That was Rich Berner, author of the Not So-only Child. His story still gives us chills. Not just for what he discovered, but for how he chose to tell it. Rich didn't sit down to write a traditional memoir. He walked into the recording booth, turned on the mic, and spoke right from the heart. And that became his audiobook, Honest Raw, and right from his lived experience. You can find the Nut's Only Child on Amazon in print ebook or audio, and we'll have a link in our show notes. What I really love most is that Rich made this story for his kids, so they understand who he is and where he came from. That's personal, brave, and it's what our show is all about. Finding connection through truth. Big thanks to Rich Burner for sharing his story, and for you being part of the Family Twist community. We'll be back next week with another story that proves family secrets really are the ultimate plot twist. The Family Twist Podcast is presented by Savoie Fair Marketing Communications and produced by Hot the Cow Ate the Cabbage LLC.