Right to Know: Healing in Real Time

This episode feels like the heart of Family Twist. It’s about what happens when we stop hiding, start talking, and realize we’re all part of a much bigger family than we thought.

Right to Know: Healing in Real Time

Corey shares the mic with other board members from Right to Know, the organization making sure everyone has access to their own origin story. These conversations aren’t polished or easy, but they’re full of heart, honesty, and hope.

Debbie Olson talks about the strange beauty of finding family while also finding your purpose. She turned her DNA discovery into a mission to make sure no one goes through it alone.

Kara Rubinstein Deyerin and Brad Ewell share the story behind the name Right to Know and how they built a space for people who are still reeling from the shock of new truths. Their message is simple: healing doesn’t come from pretending it didn’t happen. It comes from community.

And Steven Osborne reminds us what real courage sounds like when he tells the story of confronting his mother after decades of secrets. It’s raw, it’s human, and it’s a reminder that honesty doesn’t always heal overnight, but it’s always the first step.

This episode also celebrates the Untangling Our Roots Summit, where adoptees, donor-conceived folks, NPEs, and their families come together to laugh, cry, and find connection in the chaos. It’s proof that healing can be loud, messy, and even joyful.

Family secrets might be the hardest stories to tell, but when we tell them together, they turn into something bigger, understanding, compassion, and sometimes even a little karaoke.

Transcript

Untangling Our Roots Summit: adoptees, NPEs and donor conceived together

Corey 0:00

Okay, real quick, before we dive in, let's talk about something pretty incredible happening in our communities. The Untangling Our Roots Summit. If you've never been, picture this: Adoptees, Donor Could See folks, NPEs, and the people who love them. All in one place, swapping stories, laughing, crying, and realizing none of us are as alone as we once thought. It's part conference, part family reunion, part group therapy session, and yeah, part well, whatever happens after midnight. The summit is presented by three powerhouse organizations leading the charge for truth and transparency. Right to know, the National Association of Adoptees and Parents, and DNA Jules. These groups don't just talk about change, they're making it happen. Right to Know fights for legislative reform and mental health support. NAAP keeps pushing for open records and adoptee rights. And DNAs? They're the miracle-minded slews who help people untangle their DNA puzzles and find long-lost family members every single day. It's a weekend packed with workshops, advocacy, and laughter. Because healing doesn't always have to be heavy. It's proof that truth and joy can coexist. And that when we share our stories, we change lives. Details for untangling our roots are in the show notes of this episode. Hello and welcome back to Family Twist. It's Cory here. You know how sometimes a project comes along that feels like it was tailor-made for what's happening in your life? Well, that's how I feel about Right to Know. They believe everyone deserves access to their own origin story, whether you're adopted, donor-conceived, or learned through a DNA test that your family tree has a few surprise branches. In the supportive spouse role, I joined their board this year, and today we're hearing from a few other board members who are out there turning truth into action. First up is someone whose story will hit home for a lot of you, Debbie Olsen. Debbie's journey starts the way so many of ours do, with confusion, curiosity, and about 14 desperate Google searches at 2 a.m. She talks about finding her birth family, what went right, what didn't, and how that led her to help others find support in this very weird, very emotional corner of the world. Let's listen.

Debbie 2:30

So they have had quite a relationship for a long time. He has three sisters. He's actually kind of working on building a relationship with his dad at this point. But he very much understood where I was coming from, where you're sort of thrown off kilter and you don't really know where to go. And much like everybody else, you go on social media, you search Google my dad. I just saw my dad, things like that, crazy searches you do, because you don't know what else to say. You know, this is what happened. Yeah. So from there, I had been training as a life coach, and I just decided that our community really does need mental health support and people who they can talk to and all those things. And so it blossomed from there. And I just have continued to work on it. It's where my heart is. I love it. I've been involved with Right to Know now with Cara. She's, you know, I've been invited and accepted a position on the board with her. So it's really been moving along nicely. I want to be a resource for people to turn to when they have some kind of crazy life altered experience.

unknown 3:27

Yeah.

Kendall 3:30

Exactly. You know, it's funny. I overwhelmingly, yes, the difference between my birth father's family always wanting to find me and my birth mother lying about, you know what I mean? There's a big dichotomy there, but overwhelmingly, it's been a positive experience, right? So I wouldn't change it for the world. But it was still, I when I came into this situation again, I came at it from this level of delusion where I'm gonna make everything great and wonderful. And it just took me a while to accept that it wasn't gonna go the way that I wanted it to go. And I'm not used to that.

Corey 4:12

I think you see what I mean. He didn't just stop when she found her people. She looked around and said, Okay, who's helping everyone else survive this emotional blunder? Then she went and became that person. And that's the spirit of Right to Know. Education, empathy, and action all rolled up in one big heart. Up next, we've got a tag team moment from Kara Rubinstein Diren and Brad Ewell. These two can make you laugh while they're rearranging your worldview. Kara's gonna share where the name Right to Know actually came from, and Brad's gonna remind us what it's like when you realize you're not the only one on this wild ride. Let's hear what they have to say.

Kara 4:51

But that's where the name Right to Know comes from. After I told him I wasn't his daughter, which I have to say is probably one of the most difficult conversations I've ever had with a person. He's like, Oh, baby, it doesn't matter, you're still my daughter. And I would go care for him dying of COPD, and he would say, Have you figured out who your family is yet? Baby, you have a right to know who they are. And he said that almost every day to me. And so that's where the name right to know came from. And he was very supportive. My mom and I had been super close, we're still close, but because this was so close for her, she had a hard time processing. And so my dad actually stepped up to the plate to be the supportive parent for the first time in his life through the process.

Kendall 5:42

Wow.

Brad’s NPE discovery and finding the right support group

Kara 5:44

That's a lot to unpack.

Education, advocacy and mental health: Right to Know’s three pillars

Kendall 5:46

My wife was one that came with the idea to look for Facebook support groups. I was like, there can't be this many people that this has happened, but you feel very isolated and alone when it happens because you're like, there's no way a lot of people are taking DNA tests and finding out their parents weren't their parents. Well, the first support group I found online had 6,000 members, and I'm like, this has happened to 6,000 other people. So that was great. And at the same time, in that group, there was a lot of drama and consternation and things I didn't really enjoy. Like, you know, just between the members, people would it's a trauma-filled room, and if you put enough trauma-filled people together, there's explosions all the time, of course. And it got to the point where I was like, it's almost as stressful to be in the support group as it is just navigating it on my own. And about that time, I met somebody else who was in right to know that said, Hey, you know, you should come check out our group. And I checked their group out, and it was just a lot more level-headed conversation. It people are still upset because they're having their worlds turned upside down, but there seemed to be more of a focus on growth and not really getting past it because I don't think you get past these, but learning to cope with it effectively rather than just ranting for the rest of your life. I like that better, and I've stuck with them ever since. Eventually got asked to be a board member, and here I am today. Very cool. You could talk just a little bit about what the organization is doing right now.

Kara 7:12

We want to make sure we're involving all of the communities, the assisted reproduction community, the adoption community, and the NPE community. I always say the ripple effects of a discovery just impact so many people and families. Everybody needs help. And that's what we want to provide support for anybody who needs it. Some people have a DNA surprise and they're like, okay, whatever, and they move on. And that's great. And then there are people who are very traumatized by it. I always like to remind everybody there's no monolithic group. We span the level of our trauma, and that's okay. There's no right or wrong answer for processing these things. We have to encourage growth, encourage working through, encourage coping mechanisms and healing as we can. Right to know has three main areas that we focus on: education, legislation, or advocacy, and mental health.

Corey 8:10

Every time Cara tells that story about her dad saying, You have a right to know, I get the chills. It's simple, it's profound, and it's the entire mission in just four words. And Brad, well, he's dead on about community. When thousands of traumatized people find each other online, it's a little bit beautiful, a little bit bonkers. But what matters is what comes next: the growth, the healing, and the connection. Those three pillars that Kara mentions: education, advocacy, and mental health support, those aren't buzzwords. They are the roadmap for how we move from chaos to clarity. Okay. Time to pass the mic to someone who brings the unfiltered truth every single time. Steven Osborne doesn't sugarcoat a damn thing, and thank goodness for that. Steven's story starts with one of the toughest conversations imaginable. It's raw, it's uncomfortable, and it's exactly the kind of moment that so many of us wish we could handle better, but don't always. Let's listen to Steven's visit with his estranged mother.

Steven 9:21

Then I called her and said, I'm coming over to the house. I have found some stuff that I believe belonged to her. I thought I would go over and surprise her, you know, kinda catch her off guard. So I walked in. And by the way, I recorded the entire conversation on my phone. I walked in, I sat down. I took the pictures of Peter, my biological father, I slid them across the table, and I got anything you want to tell me? She looked at the picture, looked at me, her eyes went back and forth several times. And she threw the picture down and says, I don't know who that is. Who's that supposed to be? Your father? I said You know, we haven't talked in twenty years. That's a pretty damn strange question for you to ask. I show you a picture of a complete stranger, and do you want to know if it's my dad? Of course it's not my dad. Jock Osborne's my dad, isn't he? Barb? Because when you really want to piss your mom off, you call her by her first name. Corey, the meeting did not go well. I mean I didn't start it off in a good way. And it took me time to realize this later, a couple months. But I didn't go over there looking for answers because first of all, my mom has a very casual relationship with the truth. That's putting it lightly. And I already had the answers I needed. I went over there with really one intent. And that was to let her know that I knew, and if I could, to hurt her. And I feel bad about that. I was not the best version of myself, and it's not the thing I would recommend people do. But unfortunately it is what happened. I went over there with intent. And if if I'm trying to hurt somebody with words, I'm pretty good at it. Unfortunately. I got her in a defensive position, and she would just mutter a deny and say some pretty stupid things like, I don't know what you're so upset about. Look at your life. Everything turned out pretty well for you. I was like, so that's your position? I've had a decent life, fifty-seven years of lying and all this other bullshit that's going on, and I thought you're absolved of all of that, because you know, I drive a decent older car. I mean, come on. What the hell? She said, you know, I'm not admitting to anything. The entire conversation lasts 13 minutes from the time I walked in the door until I walked out.

Corey 12:12

Wow. That's Steven in full force, no filter, and all the truth. He's not romanticizing what happened. He's telling you what it looks like when anger and hurt take the wheel before healing ever even gets in the car. And the best part about it, he owns it. He says, here's what I did, here's what I learned, and here's why compassion still matters, even when you're ready to throw every family photo into a bonfire. That's why I love our communities. They're messy, they're real, and they're full of people brave enough to face the ugly parts of truth and still choose growth. Listening to Debbie, Kara, Brad, and Steven, you can really feel how big this movement has become. Right to know NAAP and D Angels, these groups aren't just making noise, they're making change. They're creating a space where truth isn't something to fear, it's something to celebrate. And if you ever want to see hope in action, come to the Untangling Our Roots summit. Picture hundreds of people connecting, learning, healing, and yeah, maybe singing karaoke after a few too many margaritas. Cause at the end of the day, Family Secrets might be the ultimate plot twist, but honestly, that's the happily ever after. The Family Twist podcast is presented by Sabwafair Marketing Communications and produced by How the Cow Ate the Cabbage LLC.