A Therapist Faces Her Own DNA Surprise in Real Time

What happens when a mental health professional finds herself navigating a DNA surprise of her own?

In this deeply personal episode of Family Twist, Corey and Kendall sit down with Angie Miller, licensed mental health therapist, wellness coach, speaker, and host of the Strong Mind, Strong Body podcast, for a conversation about identity, family secrets, and the emotional chaos that can follow a late-in-life DNA discovery. 

Angie opens up about learning through DNA testing that the man she believed was her biological father likely wasn’t. What followed was a complicated emotional journey filled with grief, curiosity, guilt, fear, and unanswered questions. As someone trained in mental health and Internal Family Systems therapy, Angie brings a unique perspective to the conversation, explaining how different “parts” of ourselves can battle for control during moments of trauma and identity disruption. 

The conversation dives into:

•  The emotional shock of unexpected DNA test results 
•  Feeling protective of family members while searching for the truth 
•  The fear of rejection from newly discovered biological relatives 
•  How Internal Family Systems therapy applies to DNA surprises and NPE experiences 
•  Why so many people suppress these discoveries instead of talking about them 
•  The complicated mix of hope, grief, anger, and curiosity that comes with family secrets 

Angie also shares how she’s actively searching for answers right now, including preparing to potentially meet biological relatives in person for the first time. This isn’t a story being told years later with neat conclusions. It’s happening in real time. 

If you’ve experienced a DNA surprise, are part of the adoption, NPE, or donor-conceived communities, or have ever questioned where you truly belong, this episode will hit home.

About Angie Miller

Angie Miller, M.S., LCMHC, CWC, is a licensed clinical mental health therapist, certified wellness coach, international speaker, author, and fitness expert specializing in the connection between emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing. She hosts the Strong Mind, Strong Body podcast and is a professional development educator for the National Academy of Sports Medicine. Angie also speaks internationally on stress management, resilience, and mental agility. 

Transcript

Corey 0:00

Hey everyone, welcome back to Family Twist. I'm Corey, and today Kendall and I are talking with Angie Miller, who is a licensed mental health therapist, wellness coach, speaker, and host of the Strong Mind, Strong Body Podcast. This conversation really got to us because Angie is literally in it right now. This isn't somebody reflecting on a DNA surprise from 20 years ago. She's actively trying to figure out who her biological father is while processing all of the emotions that come with it in real time. What makes this episode especially interesting is Angie's background in mental health and internal family systems therapy. She talks about the idea that we all have different parts of ourselves trying to protect us. There are the parts that want answers, the part that feels guilty for asking questions, the part that's angry, the part that's hopeful. Honestly, I think there are a lot of people listening who are going to recognize themselves and what she says. There's also something really vulnerable about hearing somebody admit they spent years trying to hold all this together quietly while still being the person everybody else depends on. That hit home for Kendall and I both. So here's our conversation with Angie Miller. Hey Angie, welcome to the Family Twist Podcast. Thank you. It's good to be here. But the right before we got on with you, you know, we find these touchstones with every guest that we have on the show. And so Kendall mentioned that you're coming to us from North Carolina. Well, that's where one of his found siblings lives.

Kendall 1:24

And since I found my brother, my uncle has since moved down there, two of my uncle's children. So it's just it's like become where we need to visit.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 1:40

I would love to meet you guys on a check on visited. I'm in Charlotte near Charlotte.

Kendall 1:44

I never remember where my uncle is living. But my brother lives in Weaverville, which is right by Asheville. Yeah. So that's where he's lived all of his well, I was gonna say adult life, but actually even when he was a child that they moved down there. And yeah, that's an interesting part of my story too, because my brother and I were were my father's sons, and we were both given up for adoption and found yeah, our the family. So it's interesting. It's it's crazy. But anyway.

Corey 2:22

And you actually will be meeting the. So uh Angie, you can we talk a little bit about what you're going to be speaking about at Untangling Our Roots?

SPEAKER_03 2:35

Yes, I am working off of internal family systems. So I'm a licensed therapist and I uh went through level one training in internal family systems, which is really about parts work. How there's this, you know, we think of ourselves as how come I have all these conflicting emotions? How come I don't just feel happy about this or sad about that? How is it that I could feel happy and sad and I could feel confused and angry? And so parts work, my my session is going to be called healing the internal family after DNA discoveries. And I actually love that name, which I made up because it is like my internal family. It's it's this internal system that had a lot of conflicting emotions when I got my discovery. And so then it's basic internal family systems for identity integration. So I'm talking about how we can integrate conflicting parts of ourselves, the part that grieves the loss of our original identity, and then the parts that's curious about what is my new family like, and the part that feels betrayed, but then the part that wants to heal. And so basically, I'm talking to those who attend, and I hope lots of people do, about practical internal family systems techniques to help us and those we help deal with or kind of develop self-leadership, but also honoring that it's okay that we are shocked and have all these different emotions come up when we make these life-changing discoveries. So I think it's really important because internal conflict is at the core of what we all experience. I have a massive sense of betrayal and mistrust, but I also have a tremendous amount of curiosity and of hope for what I might discover.

Kendall 4:33

I'm glad you brought up this topic because only through doing this podcast have I come to realize that originally when I found my biological family in 2017, I never expected to feel that I was betraying anyone because my adoptive parents died in 1980 and 1987. And I knew that I had their support to find my biological family, but I still found myself feeling as if I was betraying mom and dad because I felt like I was searching for identity that maybe I shouldn't have, which was obviously not logical, but that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

But that's interesting because I was thinking betrayal in the sense that I feel betrayed, that I wasn't told the truth. But I also, to your point, have a tremendous amount of concern about potentially feeling like I'm betraying my mom who is past. But I don't want to, you know, have her perceived in a different light or have people question her in any way. And this is, I think, part of why my system decided to pretend this wasn't really real for many years, because I know that once I start speaking out, there will be family members who will see it and be shocked and then maybe make judgment that I don't think is fair. And bro, it was almost like to a sense of how do I do right by my mom, but also do right by myself. And inevitably I feel like someone's gonna get hurt, and really think we're all gonna get hurt because I'm already hurt, and then I feel like I'm going to hurt my mom who's not even here. And it's uh, it's such a mixed bag of how do you not cause hurt, but also find healing and connection and answers, and there is no way, and that's the whole premises of you know, internal family systems and having this internal system that says there is no right or wrong, and there is no one way of doing this. And along the way, there there are gonna be some ruins and some shed it tears, and some, but that's almost impossible not isn't that.

Corey 7:05

But it's like that's that's every family dynamic. Birth, we're chosen, or you know, there's there's there's it's inevitable we're going to hurt someone, whether we want to or not, you know, it's just it it happens, life happens. You say the wrong thing in an offhand comment, and and it sparks something, you know. It's just so it is important, and and we uh we deal with this every day. Like I'm I'm with Kendall and every part of this journey, and so it's it's a roller coaster that just never ends.

Kendall 7:38

It is, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:41

And and no one in my family really wants to talk about it. My sisters don't want to talk about it, they just want to pretend it didn't have it. Don't worry about it, you're our sister. And you know, I don't really talk about it with my daughters, they're younger, they have their own lives. How could they possibly comprehend? Oh, I mean, they're they're adults, but I'm saying like they have their own lives, they have their own journey, they have their own complications. How would they possibly even understand or how is it their burden to carry? And so often mine is just sort of kept to me to process and journal about, unless I'm on a podcast or I'm talking about it, and I'm finally, finally just opening up and I hire DNA angels. And it's so funny, I don't know my DNA angel, but I feel like she's my best friend because she's almost like a lifeline and she's the one who is connecting me to my journey while I feel so disconnected from everyone else in the sense that some of them I'm protecting them and not sharing, and some of them I'm just no better than to share, if that makes sense.

Corey 8:47

Can you take us back to your discovery?

SPEAKER_03 8:50

Yes, but ironically, I'm gonna share something. I don't remember the year. I think I don't know if I blocked it or what. I think it was around 2017 or 18. And I'll tell you why I think that in a minute. But I remember it was 23andMe, and I opened it up and it said 49% Ashkenazi Jewish. And I was like, these things are so I knew they were a fake because my my grandma, you know, everyone is past. My mom is past, my my grandparents are past, but I remember my grandma on my mom's side used to say, we're German, Irish, and Dutch doesn't amount to much. He just had this funny little saying. And then I remember my who I thought was my dad, but he didn't raise us saying that there was a lot of German, but I didn't know a lot about that side of the family because he wasn't really, he was part of our lives, but not a it was my mom who raised us. And so I remember just sort of closing the screen and thinking, this is whatever, you know, this can't be right. And it wasn't until around the pandemic that my one of my sisters called me one day and said she had a real kind of tenuous tone, and she was like, Angie. And she's like, Have you ever taken 23 and me? And all it took was her to ask me that question because I thought, okay, well, that came from somewhere. And I said, Yeah, I I I have. What, what, what's up? And she's like, Well, and two of her daughters had tested, and I had come in as a, I believe it was like a have aunt, but you know how it'll say, or could be, or could be. But bottom line, I wasn't their full aunt. And she said, they bought me a test. And I remember my snarky mind said, Of course they did, because now everybody wants to know, right? I have four older sisters, everybody wants to know what I want to know. Am I the outlier? And she said, So I've already, at the time you spit. She said, I've already spit, we've already sent it away. I don't know how long it takes. And I said, Well, it'll take a couple of months, you know, or it did when I did it. And I got online, I saw her daughters, and I thought, oh my gosh, like, and then I go back and look at my thing again. And so my sister tested. And I I remember because I remember it was during the pandemic, and I had been waiting and waiting, looking every day, but not saying anything to anyone in my immediate family, like my daughters or you know, my spouse. I hadn't said anything, I just sort of bottled it because that's what I, as a really good therapist, do. So I would go on and check, and then the day I checked, I remember it felt like the bottom had dropped out. And I felt just too many emotions to even begin to describe. And I don't even remember who called who, because we must have both been looking. And so we connected that day, and she's like, Are you okay? And I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. And she said everything she thought she should say, like, don't worry about it. You're still my sister. Don't worry, Angie. This doesn't change anything. We all love you, blah, blah, blah. You know, everything she thought she should say. She did the best she could. And then I went back to Iowa, where two of my other sisters lived, and gifted them kits. And they both argued vehemently and I argue vehemently back and said, My sister said, I don't want my DNA all over. And I said, Well, just do it for me. You know, I'm not trying to expose your DNA. I'm just, I really need some answers. I want to know if I'm the only one. And she's like, Why does it matter? Why does someone like, you know, strangle, strangle? And so they both did. And then I tested through ancestry because I knew that my other sister had already tested through ancestry. So then, you know, a little bit later, my oldest sister who had tested through ancestry, she comes back, she's a half-sister. And then the bottom really dropped. Because then I knew I truly was the all-like, and for some reason, you know, you want somebody in your family to be with you on this journey. And so I was the only one.

Kendall 13:14

Did anybody ever have any reason to think that it was a possibility? In other words, had you had your sisters ever heard anything that would have made them think that you weren't their full sister.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

Well, that's when stories started to be shared. And to this day, I don't think anyone truly knew, don't get me wrong. But my mom had dementia. And so when my one sister said when mom was real, when she would get frustrated, like she was she was such a gentle soul, but she got super feisty when she had dementia. And she wanted to remain the matriarch and she was losing her autonomy. So of course we would all get feisty. And so now we're all trying to tell her what to do. So when she would get frustrated, she would lash out. And one of my sisters said that one day my mom was really frustrated and kept saying, She has a different mom. She has a different mom. And my sister said, Mom, you're her mom. Like, but so she must have, you know, something was spinning. And she kept saying, No, no, no, she has a different mom. But my sister's like, I didn't think anything of it because obviously, you know. Then the other sister said that she said she was frustrated she would get frustrated with each of us on a different day, depending on who was doing care at the time, because that would cause the most frustration. So I had left and my sister said she got frustrated and said she was talking about me and said she has a different dad. And my sister said, No, mom, no, she doesn't. She doesn't have a different dad. And my mom kept saying, Yes, she does. Yes, she does. My sister said, But I would have had no reason to think anything of it. I mean, she would say random things and we never knew if they were true. And then my oldest sister remembered kind of a story that she thought might be relevant about a gentleman coming over to the house. But anyway, so no one, those that was the closest was for making comments. And so what I think that led to was more feelings because it let me know that she did know. Because it was always the question of I wonder if she knew or if she wasn't sure my picture telling me that made me recognize that oh, she did know.

Corey 15:34

Well, and at this point, you've got your DNA on ancestry and 23andMe. Were there any mysterious matches?

SPEAKER_02 15:43

The closest I reached out to.

SPEAKER_03 15:45

And one was a gentleman who said, My daughter used to work for 23andMe. I heard stories like this all the time. Just be glad you had a good family. So thank you for telling me how to feel. That one made real crazy, and how do you know I had a good family? But that is a that's a broad assumption. And then thank you for telling me how to feel. And so he shot me down right away. And then the closest, closest uh tried to lead me to someone in the family who had never been married and like low-hanging fruit who would have been like 30 years older than my mom. And she's like, We think it could be him, you know, because he was never married and nobody wants any, you know, so and he's long past. And uh and then she closed the tree. I would see the tree, and then she closed the tree. So and then I started sleuthing a little bit, and everything kept running into dead-ins, like strange dead-ins, like weird karmic dead-ins of I'm not supposed to know, like the weirdest one, and this is the truth. I remember saying to my sister, should I call Aunt Eleanor? And my sister's like, Angie, her and mom weren't that close. Like, even if they're, you know, Eleanor would have never known. And I said, Well, she's the only one to lie. She's like, You can call, but I I I just don't think. And I think my sister also didn't want me to call because she didn't want me to out my mom. And so I called my brother-in-law and said, 'Do you you guys have Eleanor's number, don't you?' And he said, and I quote, Oh, that's so weird that you're calling now. And he said, Because we just heard from her daughter that Eleanor passed away yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 17:55

And I was so frustrated and so devastated. And my sister kept saying, Don't worry, there's no way she would have known.

Kendall 18:02

She might have. Yeah.

Corey 18:04

Oh my gosh, Angie, I just I can't imagine the inner turmoil and then being a therapist at the same time and like having to like bury that because you've gotta you've gotta care for your patients.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

There were a lot of weird my mom had a there was one friend that I could think of who was alive, and I called her, and she was truly shocked. Like I could hear it in her voice, but she didn't meet my mom till I was like four years old. So she kept saying, you know, your mom, I thought your mom was open, but she was also very private, which I knew. And then one other friend, her husband was still alive. And I truly just don't have a lot of positive feelings about this man and his maybe his moral compass. And so I did, though, I swallowed my pride and reached out to him. And he some people have a terrible misuse of power and information, and he right away said, Oh yeah, I know. And he immediately said, Oh yeah, I know. Just like super nonchalant, and but he's always been known for a very as far from nuanced and emotional intelligence as you can get. But and now he's crotchety and super, you know, elderly and just has no filters. And I said, Oh, you you you do? And he said, Yeah, Evelyn told me that's his wife who passed away, my mom's former best friend. He said, I just remember her telling me, but I I don't know who it is, but I could give you some guesses. And then I said, Well, what do you mean she what wind did she tell you? And he said, Oh, that's pillow talk, Angie. It was pillow talk. And kind of like, and so I said, Well, who who do you think? Or what are your guesses? And then he gave me random guesses, and then he's like, Well, I could call this one gentleman. And I said, Well, is he part Jewish? No. And I said, Well, I'm trying to tell you he's he's part Jewish. Well, I'll call him anyway. And then, like a month later, I still don't hear from him because he wants me to make the call again, give him a little bit of attention. So I call him again. Oh, you know, I forgot to call him. And then he's like, you know, I'll call him now. And then he called, and then he's like, Oh, it's not him, and it just kind of playing. And so I thought, okay, you, you, you need to go. Like, I I need to untether myself from you. You're not helping me, and you are taking a a really difficult situation and making it more difficult.

Corey 20:50

So and the your DNA Negel has not been able to get your closure.

SPEAKER_03 21:00

So I really avoided that one, and I know why I did. Because there is a part of you that says, if I don't look, I can always hope that if I did, I would find an answer. And then there's a part of you that says, if I look, and I then they tell me no, then it's final. And my brain likes hope, not finality. And so she came up very short and then said, Can you test through my heritage just in case? So I tested through my heritage and I got all excited because I saw a very close connection, and that was on my mother's side. So she thinks she has it down, though, regardless, because the close connection who closed the tree, she thinks she has it down to two people who both be my father. Could either one be my father, she's pretty certain, but their children are alive. And so some. Some of them live in the place where I grew up, where I happen to be going next week to visit family. So I am sitting with determining do I want to do something in person with these people versus whereas the other families in California. But she's pretty certain it would be one of these two.

Kendall 22:22

I can tell you what kind of there's no doubt I would 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Oh yeah, me too. I'm an in-person person. Or I'm going to just 100%. It's going to be a lot harder to say names.

Corey 22:37

Especially if you're looking at somebody who looks like you.

Kendall 22:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

Well, also, the way I see it is if it's between two families, one's in California, the California one's not an option right now. So if you're that certain that I'm not your sister, yeah, I can have a problem testing for me. Right. Yeah.

Corey 22:59

Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

My only is what I wish I had done ahead of time is ordered kits so that I could say and I won't get them in time. And so that were where my mind went this morning was, oh shoot, you should have ordered kits. Well, is that what you do?

Kendall 23:17

I'm built like that. I'm a planner. And I would have it be like, here, let's do it right now. You spit in the cup, I'll take it from you.

Corey 23:26

You'll don't have, you know what I mean? I just we didn't have to go down that path though because Kindle's probably well, and I just found out that was the thing.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

Like this all just was within the past couple of weeks. Yeah. And I had just, I had already planned this trip. And then it was one of those where I've been thinking, I'll go in person. And then this morning it was, oh shoot. And then I thought, well, maybe I could speed mail them if I order them today to one of my family's homes, and perhaps them.

Corey 23:57

Yeah, because they're not stopping them at Target.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

No. You know.

Corey 24:02

Yeah. I feel like it would be more well, it was fortuitous for us because I got Kendall a kit the same year that his brother's wife got his brother a kit, and his brother had been looking for him forever. And so, and then it was just within a matter of days and conversations with Kendall's birth father that they were able to salute on their own and find his birth mother's side of the family. And Kendall wasted no time to drop that bomb.

Kendall 24:29

Well, my I found my my father's side on August 23rd and spoke to my brother daily, and he kept pestering my father daily. Like, help us find because my birth mother's name is like the most generic. Like, there are probably a thousand people with that name. So he was like, help us find the right woman. And on Labor Day, when I was off work, my brother was off work, Corey's off work, my brother calls me and says, Are you sitting down? And I was like, Oh God. He said, I just found your birth mother. Because dad remembered that my mother had a younger sister, and she had a very unique nickname that everybody, including the teachers at the school, called her. And it was in the obituary. So my brother like said, Well, my brother gave me the names, and as he's talking to me on the phone, I'm typing and I said, Chris, I and he, I found what you found. And we found my mother's father's obituary that had my mother's name, my auntie's name, my siblings, and I jumped on Facebook, and in five minutes I had found my mother who had a sister with the you know what I mean? Like it was so easy on Facebook.

SPEAKER_03 25:50

And then well, but what I what I think is interesting, tell me if I'm wrong.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

When it's a case of adoption, and like your brother wants to find you, I feel like in my situation, as would probably many they may not be so eager, right?

SPEAKER_03 26:16

Dad pass, there's money involved, there's word careful.

Corey 26:22

Well, I mean, it's been eight years and Kendall's birth mother refuses to have any contact with and I've been accused of wanting their money, like and uh and and accused of and there are riffs in the family, and yeah, those are the reasons, you know, why there are riffs in the family, but that's no fault of Kendall.

Kendall 26:41

Exactly. Like living is truth, yeah, and yeah, it just I have no patience for that.

SPEAKER_03 26:46

It's like you people don't get to tell me how to feel after waiting for 47 years to find you know family, and sorry the DNA exists, but it's there, like you know, I mean it's what well the thing is I'm 61, so I kind of assumed, especially because I waited even longer, right? Like if I had maybe even done it in 2018, right? But then again, I have quite a few friends whose parents are still alive, right? Because when babies younger, then I have quite a few friends whose parents are alive because they're early 80s. So if it's for sure one of these two gentlemen that were sure pets disappointing. And I tried to look up, of course, you want to know also a health history. And the one they can only find a memorial, there was no actual, like, I don't know what you would call it, like OBID, where it would say these are the remaining family member. And the one said donations to the American Heart Association and diabetes. So I was like, okay, well, I think I know what he passed up. But the other one I couldn't even find it.

Corey 27:49

Well, Angie, I'm an eternal, excuse me, eternal optimist, and and I I like to live with hope too. And you just don't know. I mean, you might be going knock on someone's door who has no idea, but this might be somebody who embraces you with open arms. And I mean, that's that's all we can wish for, right? So here's the thing when Kendall dropped that book. Wouldn't that be you know, the same day he connected with his half-sister and who said that her older sister would not take this well. But guess what? Kendall and his sister are peas in a pot. Like, I mean, just it it it's when you see them together, it's just like it just makes my heart smile. Yeah, yeah. So you know you never know. Yeah, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:34

I suppose, and maybe you know, I I tell myself, if it's that family and I'm standing at their door, I'll sense it.

Corey 28:42

You know, you line Kendall up next to each of his siblings, and while they all look different, you can see there's family there, you can see similarities, and you know, with one it's a nose or with one its lips. I think you'll know when you see, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

Maybe I the ones that I've seen, they all have dark hair, and and it there is quite a difference in I it's weird that because my hair's always been super blonde, but I did notice it in a couple of pictures, they had the green eyes, they had the light green eyes like I have. And so if if I showed up and they had brown eyes, I might think differently. But I did notice that some of them, and and honestly, I can only take it in small pieces, and this is all so fresh that I can't remember if it was the family in California, the family where I'm going that to the light green eyes. I hope it's the family where I'm going because I'd rather just have it be, but I am hoping it's the one where I'm going just because I want to have that knowledge. But there's like at least six kids between the two families, so somebody is gonna be willing to test. I hope. And that would then narrow it down.

Kendall 29:50

You know, who knows what they know? You know what I mean? Like they might think that you exist, you never know. Like if your biological father had mentioned it at some point, you know what I mean? Like, you just never know what they know.

SPEAKER_03 30:04

So that would almost that would almost hardly why wouldn't they have taken a test?

Corey 30:09

You know, yeah, that one's something to do. I do know I mean putting putting it out in the universe right now.

SPEAKER_03 30:16

Good, because I would use it for them energy. Good, goodness.

Corey 30:20

Well, uh, we so appreciate, I mean, because this is raw, this is happening. Thank you for your bravery for being able to talk about this, and it's so helpful for people because there are so many people that are going through this right now who couldn't possibly be on a podcast and talk about this, and they probably couldn't have a conversation without breaking down. So this is so important.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Sometimes I think, gosh, you suppress in a way that's oddly unokay, but that can't be good for your system. And I know that, and yet sometimes there could be so much going on in a family that, you know, I have a sister who's passing. There can be so much going on in a family that you tell yourself, it's my job to have it all together, nobody has time for that. So that's been my story for many years.

Kendall 31:08

My adoptive parents raised me to be super independent, which has worked well for me in general in life. But then when it comes to things like this, when I made that, when we made the discovery, I never knew that I needed to be vulnerable. And suddenly I I mean, this was the most humbling experience for me because I never dreamt that if I found either side of my family, that anybody would reject me. Like I just why would they, right? Like, I'm a great person. I'm self-important enough, I think, uh, to to think that. And it still floors me sometimes. I still wake up like in a dream state and think, what's wrong with my mother? You know what I mean? Like, you know, and and she that woman needs therapy.

Corey 32:01

I mean, she if she can't deal with this stuff, and I'm 55 years later, you know, yeah, there's definitely something happened to her as a child that warped her, yeah, you know, probably for life.

Kendall 32:14

Yeah.

Corey 32:15

And then being, you know, pregnant so young, you know, arrested development.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

Sure, sort of stuck in the state stage where she was almost like, yeah. It is, it's that it's probably for me too. It was that fear of rejection. The fear of like if they look and they don't find out, and then the fear of rejection, which, you know, I'm going, there's enough going on in my life right now where I'm like, oh man, girl, if you get more rejection, like, and and also there is a part of me that is so self like controlled so that I can be there for everyone else. That honestly, I'm like, what if you pop? Like, what if you just completely pop? Like, what if you just lose your you know what? And these people are gonna be like, I not only found this whiskers, she's psycho, and I'll be like, No, no, you have no idea I've been so self-controlled and contained my whole entire life, and you just tip the scales by refusing to help me.

Kendall 33:14

But that's legit, like you have every right to be well.

SPEAKER_03 33:19

If I go to jail then for just you'll be like, But I mean, just being pissed off, you know what I mean?

Kendall 33:26

Like me. But but you know, I I had to start giving myself permission, you know, to be angry, to be, you know, because I never expected it. I'm never in a thousand years, even when Corey was really polite and said, Kendall, your mother's side does doesn't know you exist, so this is kind of a big deal, right? But I was like, Well, it's a it'll be great, you know what I mean? I was so delusional about that everybody wouldn't want another brother, you know, and and of course.

SPEAKER_03 34:01

I mean, they're probably gonna want to go to the movies that night.

Kendall 34:05

And really, that has not been my reality, just asn't.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

And I'm thinking it's not gonna be mine if somebody's already closed their tree.

Corey 34:13

Angie, I'll say this, and I I I feel very confident in this. Whatever happens next week, you're going to the right place next month, whether it's a positive reunion or if it's that big, because you're gonna be among your people, and you don't have to explain yourself. Everybody there is gonna understand. It's I mean, I don't know if you've attended one of these before, but it will be a life-changing weekend for you.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

I have not, I didn't even know it existed.

Corey 34:38

And so cool. Okay, well, the last question that we always ask guests on the show, and this is happening in real time. Oh and we're big, we're huge into music here. I will be listening to music in you know a couple of minutes after we hang. When you're going through it, is there an artist, a song, or a genre that you lean on?

SPEAKER_02 35:03

I love music.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

I think that I go everything from what I call angry music, like you know, blasting MM, to, you know, piano acoustics. So I love music and I run the whole from the 60s on. No, I think it really just depends on my mood. Am I in an angry state? Am I in a state where I need to reset my nervous system and just decompress? And so that really is dependent on where I go. And sometimes instead of music, it is turn on my audible and take myself into a different world that I don't have to try to understand. Because that world's already been created for me.

unknown 35:46

Yeah.

Kendall 35:46

I love that answer. Yeah. Well, when I'm feeling particularly like angry about my situation, which doesn't happen every day. I'm a huge uh piano fan. And Oscar Peterson is like one of my go-to pianists, and I can put on an Oscar Peterson album and just chill out. You know what I mean?

Corey 36:09

Like it just brings me so much joy and well, speaking of joy, um then I know the next song that we're gonna be listening to when we hang up because we've been looking for this album for a while and it just arrived this morning. Uh, and we haven't even opened it yet, but it's uh Roxette's Joyride. And I hope you're on a joyride next week. I really do.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

I do too. I'll have to uh have to let you all know. I have to do a lot more sleuthing and planting to get out of it. I need to get my ducks in a row. Um, haven't gone there yet. So I'll get my ducks in a row and and plan some of this out. And when we hang up, I think I'm gonna have to order some ancestry kits and see how quickly they can come. I order three, what do I do? There's I think there's three of them, and I think where I'm going, there's three. There might be four. I can't remember.

Kendall 36:58

But keep in mind that you might see one of their children who might be willing to do it too. Like that's true.

Corey 37:04

Yeah, that's true.

Kendall 37:05

You just never know.

Corey 37:06

We're again, we're sending out all the positive vibes and with you and see what happens.

Kendall 37:11

Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 37:13

I appreciate that. And you know, this was cathartic for me just to have to feel be sitting in a space where I feel support because I'm just not really talking about it. And so I love to sit in this space and feel this warm window of support. And boy, if this is just even a taste of what next month's gonna be like, I'm gonna need a lot of tissues. Yep. Well, thank you. Thank you both. Thank you both for holding the space and letting me share my story.

Corey 37:40

Absolutely. I think one of the reasons this conversation hit us hard is because Angie is still standing at the edge of so many unknowns. She doesn't fully have the answers yet. She's still deciding who to contact, still trying to figure out what she wants, still wondering what kind of response she might get. I think a lot of people in our communities know exactly what that feels like. We also appreciate how honest she was about the emotional contradictions that come with this stuff. You can want the truth and still feel protective of the people who keep secrets. You could be angry and curious at the same time. You could be hopeful one minute and completely exhausted the next. That's just real life. Angie, if you're listening, we're rooting for you. Seriously. Thanks for spending time with us on Family Twist. Subscribe wherever you listen, tell somebody about the show if this episode meant something to you, and remember, Family Secrets are the ultimate plot twist. The Family Twist Podcast is presented by Staff Waffle Marketing Communications and produced by Mosaic Multimedia LLC.