Ep48: Evelyn turns 45; Nick speaks up at the poker tournament.

It's Evelyn's birthday today, HUZZAH! The now 45-year-old Canadian Blade reflects on one of her favourite birthdays and the freedom that comes with getting older. Nick responds with a story involving poker in Vegas, a douchebag of an opponent, and an unexpected moment when he was called a name (you'll have to listen to find out what that was!) for the first time in his life.

Along the way, they discuss past birthdays, wrestle with appropriate terminology for various bodies of water, and reflect on how it's okay when some things you're certain you'll grow into never actually arrive at all. 

Also: a reminder that adulthood is mostly improvisation, and maybe it's time to quit smoking.

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Want to get in touch with Nick & Evelyn? 

Email them at reversejackass@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's reverse.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Okay, torch that mango and let's do this thing. I'm sorry. No, take your time. It's fine. It's worth digesting. Hey folks, welcome back to the Reverse Jackass podcast. I'm so glad you are here. My name is Nick. With me as always is Evelyn, the Canadian Blade. Hi everyone. Nick, that was that was really good. Thank you. Evelyn is buying time because she has two different prompts and she's trying to pick which one it is. And so she's filling the space with empty compliments in order to get me to cooperate. And guess what? It's working. That shirt looks great on you today. I'm not even looking at you. Thank you. Thank you. It uh yes, that's why I wear the same one every goddamn day. Is because you find something that works and you go with it. Without any further ado, it's an Evelyn episode today. It's an Evelyn episode. Yes. And that means that Evelyn should pick a prompt and okay. Evelyn, well, Evelyn's ready. She's just gonna she's just gonna go with it.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Go, please. And this is a special episode. This is a special episode because this episode, we are capturing my last few hours slipping through the sands of time, and my last few hours before I turn 45 years old.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Amazing. I know. The dental hygienist last week told me that I absolutely don't look 45. And I said, I would tell you you're a liar, but you have sharp things in my mouth right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

So allow me to correct myself. The inside of your mouth looks much younger than 45. That's actually what I'm looking at, but it is like just pristine. Your teeth look like baby teeth. Yeah. Like they're just milk teeth. They're just gonna fall right out.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Just little chiclets in that big gab of yours.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

They're loose, spacious, spacious, yeah, absolutely. Half embedded. Yeah, a lot going on.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Oh gross. Welcome to the world, baby girl. Welcome to the world, baby girl, baby teeth. That's my rapper name, baby teeth. That would be great. That'd be so great. Anyway, I've been thinking a lot about turning 45 for the main reason that in society we've made it a big deal. 45 is a big is a milestone. It's one of the only milestones that is in the middle of a decade. Maybe it's the first mid-decade milestone.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Who made I've never heard anyone treat 45 like a milestone. Is that a Canadian thing? Really? Really? 40 yes. 50 yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

45? 45.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Only corner shop takes 45 that seriously.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Wow. That's that's nice. Also, I I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

I've always thought it was like does that pass your test? Joke police?

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

We okay, you're fine. Get the siren. Mind the speed limit.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

So I have I've been thinking a lot about I've been thinking about birthdays, and I don't know if you're like this, but as you get older, you just care a little less about them. Like I'm using it as, you know, more of a day to do whatever I want, whenever I want, rather than to celebrate anything. Like to me, tomorrow it's a it's a green light for anything. Wow, that sounds so psychopathic when you say well, let's just say I'm coming into my own.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

It's not a celebration so much as it's a violent acting out of my uh of my most unchecked instincts and compulsions. Yep, yep. Crack it is.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

So crack it is, and we got lots of it in this city. All right. So I've been thinking about a prompt for today because at the time people are listening to this, if you're listening to this on June 16th, that is the day of my actual birthday. So I'm gonna be editing this sucker tonight, burning the midnight oil, and we're gonna get it edited out, and it's going out on my actual birthday. So if you're listening to this on the day it came out, shout out to you, Jason J Superfan. Happy birthday to Moi. I was thinking, you know, the low-hanging fruit question is Nick, tell me about your favorite birthday or your least favorite birthday, or your best birthday present, or your least favorite birthday present. And I was like, gosh, I don't know. I'm not feeling the low-hanging fruit today. I don't mind it every now and then. Like sometimes, you know, it's a nice little soft ball. Yeah. Like in those moments when, say, I'm reading outside on a deck chair and I forget we have a podcast recording in seven minutes. Like, low-hanging fruit's fine. But today's not that day. I've had literally 12 months to think about this podcast prompt. Yeah. I have no excuse. So before we get to the actual prompt, I'm just gonna tell you about my favorite thing to do on my birthday. And like I said, that's almost anything goes, but I've learned the last couple of years anyway. What are you laughing at? Anything goes, anything goes for a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Anything goes on my birthday. Vandalism, fucking violence, theft. I don't give a shit. It's my birthday. I'm gonna wild it out however I want to.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Fuck you. I think you don't, you and I just have different left to our own devices. You and I would use our free will very differently.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

I think I have no anything goes days. That's so weirdly open-ended. Not even on your birthday? No, I do I celebrate on my birthday. I get a nice dinner.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

One year a client yelled at me for 45 minutes on the phone on my birthday. That was when I learned not to work on your birthday because you didn't get that call on your birthday for sure. But yeah, 45 minutes. Yeah. Like told me I was terrible. Told me I had I had ruined them for therapy forever, just as a help.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

Oh, and then said, by the way, happy birthday. Here's a nope.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

I didn't, it didn't, I couldn't find an opportunity to edge in the fact that it was my birthday. Like I was looking for an opportunity to be like, oh, well, you know, as a person who just turned 37 or however old I was, like, this really feels great. It was like, it was like, okay, well, you sound pretty upset.

unknown 5:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

You sound pretty upset. I'm just, I just blew up my birthday candles. So Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

I'm sorry that I'm sorry that bothered you. My wife is waiting for me at a sushi restaurant for a meal that I will now not be able to eat because my stomach is gonna be tasting like a rag.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Oh yeah. Oh, I'm sorry you went through that.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

That's actually a valuable learning experience.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Had I have rem I remember you had told me that story like years ago, and had I've remembered it this year, I would have 100% called you up on your birthday and just tore a strip off of you. Just absolutely lost my mind.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Well, you have 11 and a half months to plan your next attack.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Yeah, I'll come up with a few drafts. I'll make sure it's really good. And you said it was 45 minutes. I'm gonna aim for 50 on this one because we got it.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

If anyone can do it.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

If anyone can lose their mind for 50 minutes, I bet it's you, Evelyn. Yeah, well, you know, I'm always up for a challenge. So what's the high-hanging fruit then? Or no, you're gonna tell me a story first. I'm gonna tell you a story first. I'm just gonna tell you about a birthday that I really liked. So I think it was actually maybe a couple years ago, 43, a non-event, you know, number. It wasn't 45 by a long stretch. Yeah, it wasn't 45 that's a Hall of Fame birthday that comes up, actually. So I remember I was not teaching at that time and I chose not to work that day. Or maybe there was a birthday when we had a call. I remember. Yeah, you were wasted. I was so hammered, drunk on that call. Like, I just remember you kept saying enunciate, enunciate Evelyn. And I and I couldn't. Yeah, you kept saying, shots, let's do shots, and I kept saying, We're on Zoom. We're on Zoom, and it's three in the afternoon here. More for me. That see, anything goes. Like, I don't know what's so hard to understand about this. But I I I really enjoy, I've noticed, spending uh my birthday kind of by myself. That's something I've done in the last few years, especially if it's on a weekday. A lot of my friends are teachers, so it's just me hanging out by myself. So a couple years ago, I woke up, I took myself out for breakfast, which I love. I love going out to eat by myself. It's something that I did in university every now and then, and I every now and then get to do that now. Why don't I say every now and then one more time? Get to. Yeah, it's um wait, are you being sarcastic?

SPEAKER_01 7:41

You don't think yes, I'm being sarcastic. I mean, I'm glad you like it, but yeah, I'm making fun of you. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Oh, would you hate doing that?

SPEAKER_01 7:47

Uh yeah, that would not be that would not be for me. I don't find myself to be apparently the totally fulfilling company that you find yourself to be. It turns out when I'm locked in a room alone with myself, it's it's not always the most positive thoughts that come out.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

It's all people watching, Nick. Like it's it has nothing to do with me thinking about myself. I'm it's entertainment around you. I'm thinking, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Oh, so you get to condescend other people in your mind.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Well, isn't that that fills you up? But that's isn't that what you do in your therapy practice every day? Like I with the. No, are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 8:16

All I sit there and goes, God, why are you coming to me? Why are you coming to me for help? You're so much healthier than I am. Oh my god, why am I such a fucking train wreck?

SPEAKER_00 8:24

Well, you know what? You know what'll get you to stop thinking that is just go have a meal by yourself and preferably go to a family restaurant because you're gonna feel super healthy if you go to a family-style restaurant. That's fair. Just letting you know. So I went out for breakfast, took myself out for breakfast, and then I thought, you know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna go to the beach. I'm just gonna go to the beach. I'm just gonna sit at the beach, wander around for a little bit. There's a there's an there's an ocean near you? No, no, you don't need a beach is not only for oceans.

SPEAKER_01 8:49

Oh, you're talking about you're gonna go to the shore, which is fine. Oh, oh, oh.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

No, I love those lovely little gently lapping waters, fresh waters that you have. Oh, sorry that we don't have waves for surfing since I know you're such an avid surfer.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I'm just saying people that say they love the beach go to the beach, and people who say they love the shore just say whatever.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

I don't think I don't think we would say I'm going to the shore here. I think that's an American thing. Yeah, okay. I mean just we're just precise in a way that maybe you all aren't. Yeah, yeah, that's what that's what that's definitely how Canadian Sea Americans is precise. You're known for your precision. How dare I don't care for your tone. Okay, so you were at a body of fresh water with no waves. I was at the one of the Great Lakes, there were no waves, just sat on there for a bit, looked out at the water. It was really, really nice. And it's it's on a little beach town called Bayfield. Bayfield is really lovely. And I just walked up and down the whatfield? Bay Bay. Interesting. Okay, yeah. Just another clue there. If we were having this conversation on my birthday on an anything goes day, man, you would not you would not be saying the things you were saying. It's all in telling you.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Well, thank God I'm getting it all out of my system.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Oh, God, get it all out now because once the clock strikes midnight here and then there, so yeah, there's a three-hour window to flee. To flee. And this town is lovely. They I went to this place, I ordered myself some tacos. I sat on a picnic bench, kind of in the little area behind their little restaurant. It was in the shade. I watched some squirrels run around. It was some really good guac, some really good salsa, really good tacos. The breeze was really good. Oh, it was such a good day. And walked around some shops. I just took my time. I was really loving it just being in that day and being like, this is a great birthday. And then on my way home, I bought myself a guitar.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Because I was like, I was like, I would really like a guitar. It's called Bearing the Lead.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Yeah. Oh, that's okay. I mean, you know, I just wanted to see if you're really paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

I am.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

So I got, well, you're gonna make fun of me because it's a classical guitar.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Of course it is. Of course it is.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yeah. Yeah. But I actually think I would really like to get a good acoustic guitar. So I should ask someone I trust and who doesn't mock me what I should look for in a good acoustic guitar. So if anyone out there knows of anyone who plays guitar, enjoys playing the guitar, um, and just has a real kindness about them. I would love if they would, you know, give me, tell me some insights on what I could look for getting a guitar.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

Yeah, if you're out there, help Evelyn out. She could really use some help because right now she's up to her fucking neck and nylon strings. This one's called Romanza.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Oh my gosh. It is. So that was a really good birthday. So the question is I'm gonna I'm gonna make like a little two-fold question. And they're not even really related to each other. So I want you to tell me one of your favorite birthdays, if you can remember it. Tell me a time when you had a good birthday. But the second part, and this is just perfect for as we get older, because when you're younger, you think 45 is ancient. And by ancient, you you know, it's like you're old, you're you have your life together, and you and I have had enough conversations to prove to both of us that neither of us have our lives together. So the other part of this is what did you think you would know by now or have a handle on by now? Because we're only a couple of years apart. So what as a kid, what did you what did you think you would have a handle on by this stage in your life? So your favorite birthday and what you thought adults would know by now.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Shit, that's a good question.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

It was a terrible lead up, but it was a good question, so I'll stick with it.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

I do a pretty shitty job celebrating my birthday. It's the long and short of it. But I will tell you that this year I had a great birthday, and I I will tell you why, because it's worth listening to a little bit. So I went to Vegas with Amber and I played in a poker tournament, and I like love to play, but I never have any time anymore to play ever. But there was this one beautiful tournament going on at the Orleans, and I was really excited. It was a mixed-game tournament, and I like got up and went over and played, and I finished in the money, and that was great. So I made a few hundred bucks, and I ate some FUDRs and on the breaks I went to the video game machines and had and did some shots just for fun, like enough to like not fuck me up playing. And then at the end of the night, I got a bunch of like sparrow and came home in Amber, and I ate it and watched television. It was just like it was like tip to tail, like a beautiful, beautiful birthday. And in the midst of it, this should let you know how good it was. One of the worst things about playing poker is other poker players, like it draws some of the people who are the coolest people you've ever met, but the vast majority of them are the most socially inept, unpleasant human beings that you'll ever meet in your life. And for this tournament, for whatever reason, everybody was so, so nice except this one guy. No, and I ended up getting into a confrontation with the guy because he was acting out and he was being he was being really shitty to everybody and abusing the dealer and abusing the floor and using the F-word a lot, which which I don't care. I like to use the F-word, as you know, but like it used to be that you got a penalty for using the F-word at the table. Like just any use of it would get you a penalty at the table where you'd have to wait out. But this dude was openly like, what the fuck is this? What a stupid fucking decision you're making, blah, blah, blah. Just yelling at the floor. And he was so, so angry and so abusive to the floor and the dealer. And I'm not totally proud of this, but it happened. But he was being shitty, and he was angry that he got dealt a card that he felt other people could see, which they couldn't. And he demanded another card, and he's yelling, and then the dealer, the floor made a decision he didn't like, and all this is in the weeds, but he's just yelling at everybody, and then he got his new card and it was cardy like, and he goes, Oh, actually, I'm totally, I'm totally pleased with how things turned out. So I turned to him and I said, Does that mean you're gonna shut the fuck up about it from now on? You said that to him? I did. Oh, I wish I was at that table. His his mood changed um back to bad. Oh and uh I'll spare you most of what happened next, except for two things. The first thing is the card that he got, although better, did not help him, and he still lost the hand and was busted from the tournament. And the second thing was that he called me a hillbilly, which I've never been called before. And I'm from the South. Like it's weird that I got to this stage of my life. I was it was on the day after my 47th birthday, day after my 47th birthday that I got called a hillbilly for the first time. And I immediately looked at the rest of the table and I said, Oh god, gods, am I a hillbilly? Like, serious, oh yeah. Oh, I let him have it because I can't I can't tolerate that kind of stuff. Do you know what I mean? Like it just thought I'm a stranger. And so he just he was just, you know, shut the fuck up, you're stupid, and I'm just ignoring him. No, like you guys, oh I don't know, man. I'm a hillbilly, can't read nor write, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like that kind of thing. And we all laughed about it forever. But here is the one thing is that everybody else at the table but me knew this guy.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

They knew him, they knew him.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

He was a regular, and everyone but me at the table, including the dealer, said, Oh, this is good for him. This is so much better than he usually is. Like, what? I get so much worse from him all the time. This was a good night for him, she said. Everybody knew this guy, and this is how this guy is everywhere in his life. But I tell you, everybody else is so nice, and it was my birthday, and I want some money that like it didn't bother me in the least. I wish I had contained my temper a little bit more, but on the other hand, the guy was acting like a prick, and maybe he needed to know it because he was legitimately abusing people at the table. Yes, and that's how I learned that I'm a hillbilly. So that was a that was a favorite birthday.

SPEAKER_00 16:07

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

And then the other question of what did I think that I would have together by now. By now.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

By 47. What did you think? I'm gonna, I'm gonna obviously have that in order by now.

SPEAKER_01 16:20

What would I want to admit to that I thought I was gonna have under control by now? I'll tell you one thing. Here's one thing, and thankfully I abandoned this, but I really, as a kid who never wanted kids and never wanted to start a family, but was raised Catholic and was raised to believe that I would need to have a family and that that's just something we all do. I think I definitely thought I was gonna come around to the idea of being a parent by now. And I had a relationship end because I mean it ended for a lot of reasons, but one of them was she really wanted to have already started a family. And I like knew I was gonna have to, but wanted to wait as long as possible. And then I met Amber, who also doesn't want kids at all. And it's like the older we get, the more we go. No, we were totally right about that. Like, not having kids was exactly right for us. And no shade to people who do it. It's awesome. And and the people that I talk to that do it love it and it lights up their life, and I'm so happy for them. And I don't have any judgment about having kids, other than it would have been the wrong thing for me. And I absolutely thought by this age that not only would I have kids, but that I'd be stoked to have kids and that I would totally get why people do it. And as of right now, it's a little bit like playing competitive darts. I know people do it, I celebrate that people do it. If they do it, it makes them happy. That's fine. I haven't an inkling of why somebody would do that.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Oh, I love this. That's so what I thought I would be. That is so good. So this message is to all the all the 20-year-olds out there who listen. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Always be in touch with what feels right for you and what doesn't feel right for you. And don't take it for granted, even because people tell this to people told this to us for years. They don't give us the shit anymore. People go, Oh, you'll change. Yes. Oh, you'll change one day you'll want it. And it was like, okay, I'm open to that if it happens, but it never did.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

It never did. And it's okay, Nick and I are here to tell you it's okay if it doesn't change, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

You don't need that. We're we're supportive of anything in your life that doesn't change unless it's something that's really bad for you.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Yeah, that I do want you to change.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

I really want you to change.

SPEAKER_01 18:09

For Evelyn's birthday. As a birthday present to Evelyn.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

As a birthday present to me, I would really love it if you'd make a major change in your life and come back 35 years from now and tell us what that major change has been.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

Make a major change in your life and come back and tell us next week. Reverse email us at reverse jackass at gmail.com and tell us about the major life change that you made because we told you to. And there's a part of you, by the way, when Evelyn said that, there was some part inside your brain that said, Oh God, I I really should pay those five years of back taxes. Oh God, I really should stop smoking. And this is an opportunity where you could just do that. You could just say, Maybe the universe sent Evelyn here to remind me that there's this thing I did. And then wouldn't it be great years from now? If there you are, your lungs happy, clean, pink, and delicious, and then you visit Evelyn and you go, by the way, I don't know if you know this, but in 2026, I stopped smoking because you told me to make a grand life change. And I decided to quit smoking because I recognized the wisdom in what she said, even though it wasn't to me specifically.

SPEAKER_00 18:59

My gosh, I am going to take that sound clip and play it for myself every day, because it just made me feel so good. And it makes me believe that someone out there is actually gonna do that. And even if it never happened, I'm gonna believe it did. And that's it can't get any better than.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

And if that person happens to be you, Jason J, deciding to make a change in what kind of music he listens to, or maybe you want us and deciding to be less critical of other people or at least less candid about their criticisms. I support you. Make a change.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Make a change, and I think on that note, we have to wrap this episode up because Nick has got a sandwich waiting for him, and I don't want him to cram that thing down his his face and get heartburn.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

Oh from eating it too quickly. So you can say whatever you want.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

I can say whatever I want. Wait, I don't want him to cram that thing down his face and get a heartburn. Okay, fine, I'll say it nicer. You we don't want Nick to eat too quickly and gulp in so much air that it results in unnecessary bloating, indigestion, and heartburn.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

No, none of us wants that.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

None of us wants that. Nick, thank you for humoring me.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Evelyn, thank you for spending this, the eve of your birthday, with me and our audience.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

I mean, I'm about to let loose tomorrow with my anything goes day. So it was better today than two days from now when you know what? Who knows where I'll be? I might wake up in Tijuana. Look out, Canada. There's a murderer on the shore. You know what, everyone, have a great day. Thank you for listening to this episode of Verse Jackass. And don't forget, hillbillies are people too. Some neighbors are besties.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Others quarrel bitterly.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Stuck together through geography.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

One of us has nukes.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

And the other has tokes. It's American Canadian diplomacy. It's revision.