14 - Hot Takes on Phones, Screens and Powerful Words

In this episode, we kick things off with a little life lately catch up. Patty just got back from a staff versus student basketball game and is fully in her sports mom era. Amy shares about a recent family trip, the realities of traveling with little kids, and the final stretch of potty training life.

From there, the conversation turns into a fun and honest hot takes episode. We share our thoughts on phones, texting, social media, screen time, location sharing, kids getting their first phone, and how hard it is to parent technology well in a world that is already built around it.

We also talk about the power of our words, especially in marriage and parenting, and why what we say about the people we love matters more than we realize.

This one is a mix of real life, strong opinions, and a reminder that even when we disagree, we can still speak with grace.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to 27 Good with Patty and Amy.

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hello.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

What's up? What's happening today?

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Well, I just got back a little while ago from a staff versus student basketball game. And it was so fun and so funny. I have never played on any of those. We do one for volleyball and we do one for basketball. And I'm happy to cheer, but I've never played. But this year Charlie played basketball, and it's always the eighth grade team that plays. And so I thought, well, I'll just do it. Like I do play basketball with them sometimes in the shed or on vacation, but I feel like it really beat me up. Your sports mom. Sports mom. It was so fun. It was just hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

I think it's so funny.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

We lost.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

Tell what you told me. So Patty showed me the video of her playing. Yeah. And for one, she doesn't have basketball shorts, so she's wearing her husband's.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah. They were giant.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Over top of legs.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Because I wasn't going to shave my legs for this.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Right, no. Yeah. It's February. It's March.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

No. But at one point, I mean, it's just back and forth, back and forth. They're eighth graders. They're so fast. And my coworker and friend Kim was in the stands, and she was like, hustle back on defense. And I looked at her and I was like, I can't. I'm so tired. And she was like, You're not even running. Not even running. I felt like I was. I felt like I was marathoned. Yeah. So hard. And have those weird spots that were like at the inside of your legs. I think like my calves. Because you're on a gym and like, yeah, the way that you run or something. But it was so funny. At one point I did knock Charlie down. He fell over, shoved into him. And then the one player that's really good, he had the ball and I held his arms back. They were like, you can't do that. But there weren't really refs. Why not? Why can't I do it? That was our chance to win, is playing dirty like that, but they didn't like kids. So we lost. But yeah, it was just so fun. What about you? What's up? So funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Not much. We did a trip for farm stuff this weekend with Jason and the kids, and it was in Ohio, so it was not that far. But what was the drive? Like an hour and a half, maybe. Oh yeah, really. And then there was like four, three or four farm stops that we stopped at. I took the little potty, so that was like one good thing I did. Yeah. But then Austin didn't even end up using it. So my mom was here on Monday and watched the kids. And so I sent it home with her for my sister-in-law's daughter. So we're done with that. Just rounded out potty training. Austin's rocking it. We're what three weeks in, maybe? Yeah, probably. He's finally almost there. So that's exciting. It's wild for the baby to be done with that. Diapers. Yeah. Anyways, kids though, you just are reminded of so many things. I feel like I've got it locked down with traveling with them. But it was like, oh yeah, no wonder you're so crabby because we just like went for donuts and you haven't had like a real meal. And then like they didn't eat, like Andrew didn't love the food the night before. You know what I mean? Of just like, okay, gotta do that. We thought that they would be two queen beds in the hotel, and we were like, all right, we'll just split up the kids and we'll all sleep, whatever. They were like fools. Maybe if that doubles.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

So me and two Andrew Dustin, it was just so funny. The TV. Do you think if you had ordered a cot, someone would have slept on the cot? Was that even an option? I don't know. Oh, I don't think so. Remember when there was that Airbnb commercial that was like had a family in the hotel room, and then it had the Airbnb where you could put your kids to bed and stay up. And it was like I remember thinking that was the best marketing. That is so true because when you vacation with your kids and you're all in one hotel room, oh, the kids are going to bed, I gotta go bed too. Right. Guess we're gonna have to be like you've been having a conversation with my spouse. Yeah. And always when my kids were little like your ages, it was I was in one bed with a kid.

unknown 3:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Brian was in one bed with a kid, you're not even sleeping with your spouse. Right. And and family bedtime. Yeah. And it's like, all right, TV off. Everybody's going to sleep now.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Well, those 8 p.m. I did not anticipate. So I had that, okay. Jason was going to some meetings and stuff. And so it was just the kids and I for part of it. I was like, great. In the nighttime, I like brought peanut butter popcorn. We'll watch a movie. Well, guess what? The TV didn't have anything other than like the 10 channels. So I ended up just putting like they didn't even have anything on my flare or anything. No, yeah, nothing. Right. And no, it's wild actually to have to tell that. Screen share to see if I could at least do that. But it didn't work. When it was like a local hotel, it was not like a big chain, which I don't think they do. But I hate to say it, but traveling with little kids, just more work and less fun than you anticipated.

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Everyone listening that has little kids agrees.

SPEAKER_01 4:26

Jason was like, I just thought it would be like so much more fun than it was. I was like, Yeah, I kind of expected it to go out. They were great. They hung like troopers. They were so good at all the farms. Yeah. They're just tired at the end of it. And the like Austin cannot skip a nap yet. He's two. And the banquet, like lunch time, like he just I ended up like packing up him and Andrew, and we just went on a drive at the end of like the banquet.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Did it race sleep then in their like in their car seats around the drive? Could they take a little nap?

SPEAKER_01 4:51

No, because I feel like they napped before that. But that's fine. It was not a long drive. Right. But yeah, it was fine. It was fun.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

Yeah. So I don't know what else. What are your things? You had already told me that you had things you were filing away to remember for next time.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Oh yeah, I've got to write a model. Well, for one, sure, it's like prioritizing a healthy breakfast. It was totally so this hotel also did not have a hot breakfast, which I was banking on. And Andrew and I left. He woke up at 5 15 and I was like, I'll just go get Jason and I coffees, and then the kids can eat the breakfast. Well, when when we got back, is when I found out it was not a hot breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 5:23

But why didn't I just get them food at a coffee shop? So I just bought egg sandwiches. Yes. But trying to be cheap.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Well, and it just was like they weren't like no one else is up. Andrew's eating. Like I did pack like some muff or not muffins, bagels, but again, like no protein. And so we, the kids and I went to this donut, like this cute market I found, and it was so fun to get fun donuts. And then I took them to Duncan. Everyone got a wake up wrap of like you guys need some eggs or something in you to hold you over. So that was for sure one of them. The pillows, that's another one you had said that I didn't do this time because I was like, we don't have much space in the car. Everyone gets their own pillow. Sound machine. Forgot about that.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Oh yeah, that's a must. I just didn't play white noise on your phone though. Yeah, I did.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

I did do that.

SPEAKER_00 6:05

Okay. That's not through music at a music app, it's just a background sound. Oh wait, maybe I don't.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

I just did a Spotify playlist.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah, your phone has white noise or black noise, I think. And it's one of the it's like in your settings of your phone. I taught Charlie it because he's a white noise kid, and if he goes to a sleepover, he usually wants it. I'm like, if you plug your phone in by you, like this is the lady.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Yeah. I did not know that exactly.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Wild.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

I know. And how I like just jumped on your throat of like, I already know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Yeah, I guess like white noise in my Spotify. Yeah, I know. Gosh. Yeah, I don't know what else. I feel like I probably learned that on a TikTok or something. Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

But I also feel like I packed extra clothes, but I did not pack extra, extra clothes. Like I anti I didn't pack I don't know. I just didn't anticipate them getting dirty at the farm steps.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

I feel like probably at some point we took the boys somewhere. Maybe I can't even remember if we went to Kelly's Island your kids' age is something. And then it was like, okay, we won't be doing this again for years. And we didn't. Because it just A weekend away though. I mean you were just a night away, that's one thing, but Yeah. Yeah. Because you at least know, like, okay, well, we'll all sleep well the next one.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

What's so funny is most people, my friend Molly told me a story once about her sister taking their kids to Florida, and she just cried, called her mom every day crying and was like, they're just ruining my beach vacation. She was like, the grandma was like, this trip is not for you. Right. It's just ruined that happens. And it's just like nabs, it's all yeah, it's all the things.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

Naps, early dinners, early early bedtime.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Samantha could hang. She did great. Yeah. I think it's also just lowering your expectations. And because really, I feel like I was not like you're a little bit bummed. And I feel something too, I read recently. This is more like aimed at finances, but it was like, stop being upset at yourself when you don't get everything right. Who cares that you mess like I don't know, that didn't have that all set up. Yeah. It's like just being oh well, love and learn. So I gotta write this stuff down to remember next time.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Yeah, but next time there'll be like a whole year or something.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

What's so funny is I think because I felt like I didn't have babies, I have a master packing list for toddler, for baby, that I used to reference all the time. When you are packing for babies, you're packing so much more stuff. We still like bottles, you know, all the things. Pack and play. And they're just big now. Yeah, like we didn't bring a pack and play, we didn't bring, and so I was like, I probably don't even know need to look at that, but probably would have been helpful. Maybe a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

So we thought something fun that we could do in this podcast episode was hot takes. And we had Chat GPT, which I actually thought AI and ChatGPT could be a hot take, probably.

SPEAKER_01 8:38

Oh yeah. Let's start there. Should we? Yeah. Okay, so Chat GPT. We're just talking about this. Gosh, anyone for using Chat GPT, you've gotta read it. You've gotta prove it before you post it.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Just don't let it do all your thinking.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Yes. I actually gosh, there's so many things with AI and what it will do to everything. I think there's, gosh, a ton of benefit to it. It's so helpful. We've talked about ways I feel like we use it here, but I think it's a dangerous tool if you stop using your critical thinking skills.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Well, and as a teacher, I think it's a really scary thing because I don't know what the future of education brings for, I know for ELA, for English teachers, it's a much trickier tool. But for math, AI was kind of a tool for math, was actually years ago. And they had that photo math app. Did you ever have that on your phone? Probably not. You were probably all done with school by the time it came out. No, but could you take a picture and take a picture of a problem and it would show you how to work it out? And it that's kind of when I started realizing I couldn't give homework anymore. Because if they can just take it home and use an app to do all the work for them, then yeah. So I if I just have them only work in my classroom where I can see, I can see where they're struggling, I can try to help them more. And so it's just I went to a technology conference a year ago. And it was my first real look at ChatGPT and AI and all the things. And at that time, a year ago, I would say a lot of teachers were like, We have to shut this down. We can't let them use this. Like we and at this conference, it was a technology conference in Columbus. Most of the presenters, probably all of them, said there's no way we're shutting this down. So instead, we have to guide these kids to how to properly use it. You know, like, okay, sure, you're using it, but how and what's the right way? And it cannot write your essay for you. But you know, you want it to help you look up, you know, where something is in a book or how to reference something properly, that'd be a different thing. But yeah, I just think it's such a tricky thing. And then when we the latest hit thing of everybody's getting those caricatures.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

But did you see how it's then such a slap to like actual caricature artists, right? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:48

There are people who I think graphic design in general and video, all of it.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

Yeah. It's fascinating.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

I think so. We have a whole list of topics. You pick the next one. We did Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

Right. Let's talk about social media.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

And uh just what's your take on people just dumping everything on there all the time?

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yeah. Well, I think that one thing with social media that I think is tricky is it's a false community, right? So sometimes I think people put lots of things up there really hoping to like connect with people, but it's not a real true human connection. And we forget that. My biggest thing that I hate about social media is when people complain. Yeah. But I think it's because my personality is not to, but that negative people go on there, people go on there and complain, and they are not looking to have a conversation. They are only looking, at least this is what I think, for people to be like, yeah, you're right. We do hate that person, or we do, you're right, terrible. And it's just so toxic and so negative, and it just breeds and breeds and grows. Right. It's everyone piles on, oh my gosh, yes, we're having the same issue too.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

And you know, and it just I think social media has ruined our social etiquette. I feel like the things people type for sure, like posts like that, like you described, but also comment. Like if you ever see a controversial post and you read the comments, and it's like the hate in that, like you guys, I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_00 12:20

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Would you ever even say that?

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Like And sometimes I feel like it's just people they don't even know the person that the original voice is out. They're just want to agree, they want to jump on that bandwagon, and yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Yeah. What someone has posted too is like your that's your digital legacy. Like your grandchildren will see the nasty DMs you sent to people.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

And even like it's hilarious to me, people who like you might I mean, I have not, I don't do this, reply to a story of like if someone does post controversial stuff, like just sending them. You see when like influential shirt, like screenshots of people doing that. Like, can you imagine that being read at your obituary? She said to like stuff.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

I love it when a social when um somebody posts like the haters.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Yeah, and they're like, Thank Sharon, or whoever it was.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

You're like, this person God bless you, Debbie. This person thinks I'm a terrible mom because I did this. I'm always like, gosh, yeah, we let everybody know.

SPEAKER_01 13:12

But can you imagine like seeing someone at the grocery and saying something like that? No, like you're a terrible mom for doing that.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

And that's something that I feel like already I have to teach my own kids because they're entering the realm of texting and things like that. Of if you wouldn't say this to somebody's face, you cannot send the text real quick behind a device to be a lot braver than what we are in person.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

100%. Yeah. Um, a hot take I have too on like phones and texting is I do think if you are like sending a message between 11 and 5 a.m., you should schedule send it.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

This is wild to me because you told me that that's such a thing, but I don't even know how it works. So funny. My phone is always on do not disturb, so text me away at midnight. I just won't see it till the morning.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Yeah, I don't know why this is a thing. It's not even something I feel that strongly about. I think my dad like was like no phone calls from 9 p.m. Right, whatever. And so it's like, oh yeah, I and I don't actually, I'm not bothered if someone texts me, but I do that. So maybe it's not a hot take. Like I will schedule a message for like, oh yeah, I'll learn how to do it. Yeah. Oh, you don't need to do that. I'm sure I'm texting you late at night. No, it's not like so. Here's here's the example. I needed to text our mechanic, and so I thought of it Sunday, but then I scheduled it to be Monday at like 8 30. I like that. Because I don't want to bother him. Like it's not informed.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Yeah, for sure. But the difference is I wouldn't send it. What's really funny that I would do in a situation like that is I would put it on my calendar and dart to do it. But now I know I could just do it.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

I think it's just like, right, this is done. But I did mess this up and I texted Trisha, our hairdresser, at I don't know, 6 a.m. the other morning. And I was like, oh my gosh, I was trying to schedule it. I'm so sorry. So funny. But she's a mom, she was probably up, yeah. But getting up to school. What are your thoughts on anything regarding texting? Group texts K as a response or being left on read.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

I hate 'em. So hate 'em all. I don't mind a group text for the purpose of information. You need to send a text to 10 moms that are on a sports team or church group to say this is what I need to because otherwise, what are they doing? Saying copying and pasting the text to 10 people. Yeah. I do not think it's necessary to reply to the text. Reply separately to just that person. Yeah. If it's just, yeah, Charlie will be there. And one it's one thing when they say, please respond if they're coming, but I cannot stand the is this still on? Are we still doing this? Scroll up. Or yeah, or they say, okay, now my kid's not coming anymore. Just text that in individual person. We don't all need the alerts on our phone. Yeah. Sports, what's wild when they're little is my favorite, was it would start to rain a little bit or something. And immediately the parents are like, practice still on? It's raining here. It's like it's on unless we hear otherwise. Right. Yeah. That's what it should be. And you'll be told if it's told. And then now I have a little bit. So we have an app through school called Parents Square where everything can be sent through that, including youth coaches. They just would need to get information of how to do it. And so it actually really bothers me now when there are group chats for other things or a different app. Sometimes there's these coaches use different apps. Why aren't we all just using the one that we all have access to and we all have on our phones? But the worst reply than a K is an okay period. That's the one that I don't like. That's so funny. Yeah. The like when you say left on red, that means they've read my message, but I aren't replying to me. But most people don't have read receipts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

So maybe people I also that does not bother me. Me neither. Also, I'm not seeing anything dramatic. Yeah. Ever. I feel like I feel like if I was in high school and it's like, I'm gonna send this message, then I would probably have my feelings hurt of being on red.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

Yeah, if you if it was something really dramatic that you're hoping for. I think that I have no problem being like, did you see this message? Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Well, yeah, like a week later. Did you see this? Yeah you're doing this. It's probably an hour later. What you didn't say your thoughts on it, all those. Oh yeah, I agree with all that. Group texts don't bother me. I just snooze them. I just hide alerts. And so um then it's like check when I can. Actually, here's my hot take on it. This is to my family. No one ever texts me back in my groups in the group. Can anyone just read my text and text me back? It's so funny because there's a text, like a group text with Jason's like ladies' family, and I'll send sometimes like same photo there, same photo then to my family, and theirs will get like 10 replies or whatever it is. My family will be like one person hearts it. And I've got five siblings.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

This is how my brother Harry feels about our family group chat because he sends us stuff all the time. Pictures a lot, and same. It gets a heart.

SPEAKER_01 17:49

Well, I'm saying like I maybe send something like once a week. Like it is not all the time. Probably also my brother. Like I sent the pictures that Samantha drew of.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Those were so great.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

So funny. Samantha's on this little uh what did you call it? Revenge drawing. And it's like the funniest thing in last night.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Literally taking out her emotions in her art art.

unknown 18:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Last night she got mad at me because she thought I had read the boys a book and without her. Without her. And I did not. Technically, Andrew read the book to me. Well, he hasn't memorized. He's not reading it. So gifted. And so she he's gifted. He's exceptional. So she drew a picture of her brothers and her and put an X over her and a check mark over the brothers.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

And a heart. And a heart over the brothers.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

Yeah, sorry, a heart over the brothers. And I thought it was an X on me. And I was like, is that mom? You don't like mom anymore. And she's like, no, I'm just showing that you don't love you love the boys more than me. It was so funny.

SPEAKER_00 18:47

I sent um I sent you that burn book. Because that's what that was. Was like, this fugly. Wait, did I tell you she taped it on her door? Yeah. Just I love it.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

So sad. Honestly, at least that of like versus yelling at me, like I love that she's like, here's I'll just really pass address it.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

I'm just gonna put this on the door so when she comes to read me the book, she'll remember that she hates me. She loves my brothers only.

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Never forget.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

So great.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

So yeah, group text don't bother me. I don't know. I'm the same as you of like, oh, that was scrolled like you scroll up, that's where it all is. But I do feel like when I was deleting a bunch of things for storage on my phone, I did change my text to delete after 30 days. And so then I was like, oh.

SPEAKER_00 19:27

Some people might just lose it.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Maybe people just lose it. Yeah. True. I do feel like something I've changed my mind on is posting my kids online. I've kind of stopped doing that.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

You haven't ever really.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Yeah, I think I did more when Smith was a baby. I posted like just a ton of them. And it's not something I feel so like it's just a personal, I don't know if it's a hot take because I don't care if other people do. But it's still a hot take. This is your opinion. Yeah. I'm just like, no. I because it is like, gosh, when they get bigger, I don't know. It's just like access for anyone to see their whole life. And so or if I post something like that. And they don't really have like a in it. Yeah, I think that's it too, is like, and it was, I don't know, like what if my mom it'd be the same, I think, as your mom sharing like your scrapbook. Like, what if your crush saw all of your yeah, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 20:16

Well, and as they get bigger, they do. They I think that sometimes they do go back and find old pictures. Like, I think that Charlie's friends would go through my stuff and find like an embarrassing picture. Right. That's absolutely something they would do.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Or if it's something you're doing silly that's would be yeah, embarrassing.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Funny, what's interesting about that is I feel like social media has grown so much in my child's lives that I mean we all did it, but we didn't really realize that everyone was seeing it. It was pretty rare for someone to not. And now I think it's a lot more common for people to really just not post a whole lot. Yeah. And then now I'm like Charlie has Instagram. And so he didn't have control of what he does.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

But yeah. Let's talk about kids with phones and screen time. Okay. On that note. That's you guys made Charlie wait till so terrible.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Yeah. I'm just gonna tell you that I don't know the right answer there. It's terrible.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I don't it's like dan if you do, damned if you don't. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

It's really hard and tricky. Charlie, we always said eighth grade. My reasoning for it was I will say when seventh grade sports started, and Charlie's very active in things. So he stays after school for play practice, things like that. It gets a lot harder. Practices end sooner than you think they're going to. And how do they there aren't payphones at the school? Like when I was in school, there was a payphone. I called home when I needed picked up. So funny. That's not a thing anymore. I taught Charlie how to dial out from the school phones. He could find any phone in any room, any and he could dial out and call me. So he did that a lot to let me know things had changed or just to check in. Sometimes he would have play practice till five and then basketball practice from five thirty to seven fifteen. So he would call in between and just be like, Am I in your room? I'm grabbing a snack. So it was gonna be eighth grade, actually. Originally I said 16. Then I started to get fearful that if that was the first time he had a phone and he's driving, like think of those big wild changes. And I never want them texting and driving. Like that's gosh, such a major thing. You have to try to teach. So I didn't want the phone to be such a novelty at that stage of life. So we went to eighth grade because then he would have a phone by high school. Because I'm a middle school teacher. Probably all our listeners know this. And so the boys are with me in middle school. But then at they he would have at the high school for he's gonna be doing so many more things, so many more active, and then easy to stay in touch. It is so nice for that. It is, I can I know what he's up to. He can text me any updates. It's it's kind of fun. He'll send me like Instagram reels. Yeah. But it's just another thing you have to parent and police. And we have iPhones, so I mean, he's on lockdown. He can't even search certain Google things. He can't, he really can't do a whole lot. He can't buy any apps without my knowledge or delete any apps.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

You even have to approve like extended screen time, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Yeah, yeah. Wait, I feel like this is a PSA that parents need to know about that I found out. Probably when he first got his phone, I got rid of the like you can get whatever app you want. Because it was like, okay, grab the games you want. I don't need to approve every single one of them. So I deactivated that, like he could download anything. So then there was a stage it was probably a snow day, or maybe he was sick. And I knew he was on his phone way too much. Like I just knew he was on his phone in his room, but his screen time wasn't giving me accurate readings. Every time they delete an app, it deletes the screen time. It would show like a gray screen time, but usually it shows like the exact app, how much screen time is being used. And I couldn't figure out like why is all this screen time grayed out and it's not showing me like where it's being used. And then so this is, I feel like a PSA for parents that I'm like, I don't think parents know that. I didn't know that. Fascinated. And so he was so that's why that that I think that's so important to not let them be have that access of even just deleting the app because as soon as yeah, it was an easy way. So say YouTube he had maybe an hour he could be on YouTube when he was at like 57 minutes, he would just delete the app, re-download it, and then he'd have another free hour. Lover, yeah, living his best life. Gotcha. Of course, I was like, How'd you find out about this? Yeah, yeah. Hilarious. They all know and they all tell him these secrets. But it is, it's just another thing. It's so tricky because their lives are going to be with technology and with phones, and there is probably a safety in him having a phone when he goes to a sleepover. I don't worry as much. When it's so convenient that he can reach you. Yes. But it's just another thing to police a monitor. Now it's hard. Yeah. And the social media thing, I always said none, but Instagram has a kids' account that starts at age 13 or 14. I can't remember. And he doesn't do anything on there other than watch reels, but I don't know. Yeah. Wild times. I know a lot of people are really against it entirely. And I feel like I feel like that's great, you know, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Yeah, I think the other thing we didn't say is like just starting we just thought this would be so fun, but it is like to each their own. You make the choices that are best for your family and you roll on. And so I'm with you on all of it.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Wait, along those lines, something that I think we should talk about is having like life through 60 or find your friends, having your like even spouses, your kids, and just thoughts on that.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Well, yeah. Um, I have yours. I have Emily, I have like a handful of people that aren't even maybe put like Jason's cousin on there. Like it's funny. I don't even know who I can see mine. I think my sister-in-law and my mom can, but I can't see theirs. I think it's like no harm, no foul. Yeah. Uh I think when I talked to my brother one one time about it, he was like, I would never do that. That's so like like sharing with his wife. Like, we trust each other. So Brian and I need that. Well, I can't see Jason's anymore, but I actually love that he can see mine. Yeah. I just think I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Especially if we're on a trip without an ancient phone that isn't on an iPhone. I don't even know how we would. I suppose if we had life 360 or something, right? But I he gets really weirded out by technology and all that it hears and knows. Yeah. And I can just see him not ever wanting to. I don't want that tracking me. Yeah. And even if I had it, he would leave his phone somewhere and then I would really have an accurate cut.

SPEAKER_01 26:28

So I think it's helpful. I love to see. Oh, my mom is still at home. She's on her way here. It's like helpful. Like I checked tonight before I came here to see because I didn't know if you guys had something and you were home.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

One time my mom called 911 on herself when she was really sick. Yeah. And went to the hospital and didn't tell anybody because she didn't want to be a burden. And so after that, we got our parents look anxious. And it's just when I wake up in the morning, it's like the first thing I do. Like, oh, everybody's in their home. Yeah, everybody's good. I do have my cousin Maggie's location because she lives in New York City and lives kind of a fun life. Yeah. I just think it's fun to see what she's doing. She's up to. But I don't care at all. Yeah. Like obviously. But yeah. With kids though, I do think that, and I always am careful of my opinions of things in a stage that I'm not in yet. But I do think or hope that when he goes to college, I wouldn't need it anymore. I would say that the way I worry about them when they're out of sleepover, that I think that would be really hard to just give that up. But I think like he's an adult then.

SPEAKER_01 27:25

I don't I wonder if it's different for so I I love what you just said of like I'd be care I'm careful of my because that's how I feel about phones. Careful of my opinion before I've been there. Cause like I don't, I'm not there yet. Right. And so like I feel this I feel very similar to everything you said about it. But I hope Samantha does want to share her location with me forever. Right. And so maybe like girls are a little bit different.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Yeah, maybe not. I think that it all depends on what you use it for, right? Like if I'm texting Charlie and like, why did you not get home until 4 a.m. last night? Right. Well, then he probably doesn't want me to have it. And then I think what ends up being really tricky is then they start turning him off, and then it's well, then they're just lying and trying to hide from you anyways.

SPEAKER_01 27:59

But my hat take on technology for where I am now, with like my oldest is five, is we've been pretty anti-tablets our whole uh parenting so far. Um, just recently we've started letting her do ABC Mouse, and I uh now understand why parents do it because it is so easy to she gets sucked into that thing. And I'm talking like it's maybe an hour a week. She gets to do it over quiet time. And it's typically only one day because I typically don't let her do it. Like it's not a everyday thing. But they just love it and it is like sucked in and more and more and more. And I do also think I think it's fine when it's occasional like that, but I do think it is a a huge problem when kids are on like rest all the time. Yeah, I think it's so vital that they learn communication skills to look in someone's eye and order their food and know how to talk to people.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Um As a teacher, I can tell you that it's a huge problem because they're so used to just being entertained all the time and really quick fixes and not actually having to like use their brain to think. I mean, think of the way we scroll shorts. It's I mean, just it's ruining our attention stand. Yeah. And then they say you're almost on like a what is it, your dopamine. Yeah. You're on like a dopamine drop then when you don't have it in front of you. And so everything's boring. Yeah, we've got them in school. They're bored, they don't have that. And I'm trying to make them have some kind of stamina to get through a hard math problem. And it really is, yeah. And I don't know what it will bring to the future of education.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Well, and it kills their creativity because there was a quiet time I had said no, which she does not throw a fit when it's like time's up, probably because it's not every day, or maybe I don't know, maybe we just haven't had that yet. But the creativity when she colors and draws and things she like tapes everywhere, it's wild what they miss when they're glued to a screen and stuff. Right. And it really is like path of least resistance. And I think too, we I feel like I'm coming hard on this, but I do think we validate everything. I'm like, what's a long car ride? And it's like they would be okay. Yeah. We like my kids made it without Yeah, my kids went to like South Carolina last summer as a what what would they have been? I don't know, two and four year old with no tablets and they were fine. So I had this car that had um did it have a TV dreams, like just goals to have an old school DVD player in my car.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

I think it did. That old expedition, remember that white expedition I had in my seconds? And then when I got rid of it, so we would throw DVDs in there and they would watch shows all the time, everywhere we went. And then when I got rid of it, one thing I thought was so fun to teach them was how to get the semi to honk their horns and like pay attention to landmarks and things like that. That if they're just facing a screen, it actually is still a rule of mine, and it's constantly being broken that Charlie is not on his phone in my in the car because that was one thing. Immediately when he got his phone, he stopped talking to me in the car because they're in the car and they're just gonna scroll their phones, play their game, chat with their friends. And so and now it's like, well, just talk to me, put your phone down.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Yeah, tell me how your day was.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Yeah. I don't mind if he's quick responding to a text or something, but you don't need to be on a game for the whole ride, wherever we're I think marriage, and actually this is with kids too.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

One of the things Patty and I have always agreed on, I think, and said it, and it is biblical. It's in Proverbs that your power, oh my gosh, in Proverbs, your tongue has the power of life and death. And what you say is just so powerful. And when you say things like, My kid is so bad. He's just so bad. He's so mean, he's so all these things. Or this is the trouble child. This is the tr oh, he's my trouble one, that one.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Like just I actually thought of that. I was guiltily complaining about Charlie broke his wire and his braces, and uh he went to the secretary at school first for help to not interrupt me. She had I ended up in the office, and somebody said, Charlie's in here. He's got his this giant wire sticking out of his mouth. He it had pulled out of all of his braces. I ended up taking him down to the janitor's closet and we had to clip it with wire clip cutters, which how gross are those school wire cutters? So everybody's laughing about it. So that was yesterday. We took, I took him to the orthodontist, got it fixed. No big deal, really. Charlie was in a really bad mood about it, and I said, This was all fine. Like we got an appointment, we were able to get it fixed, it's fine. But we were laughing about it then that I had to use these wire cutters, and I told the people in the office that he has broke so many of his brackets, and he's just must something about he's either more aggressive or and Sam hasn't broken one. And then I felt so terrible saying that. That's so mean of me to give that information to somebody else. I don't know. Yeah. And I even thought of that when we were talking about the hot takes just now is uh the amount of times I said hate, I usually try not to say hate. I hate it because it's just so negative.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Yeah, it's a powerful word. It really is. And yeah, I think speaking ill of anyone in your like kids, especially, especially in front of them. My gosh, at least don't bash them in front of them.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Well, the same goes with our marriage. Yes. You talk really negative about your marriage to your friends all the time. It you're probably having a negative marriage from starting to become a truth.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Yeah. Also, it's probably a direct result of like, what are you doing about this? Like all you're doing is complaining to your friends, but like, are you going to God?

SPEAKER_00 33:27

I mean, I love events. Are you going yeah?

SPEAKER_01 33:29

I also think there is a difference between in a healthy way process this with a friend versus just like consistent complaining. Right. And yeah, what you're saying, you're just making happen.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

So we had this giant list of hot takes, but I think we're about out of time, and we really just mainly hit technology, it seems like a lot of that. Those are our thoughts on that. I do think we've already said this once, but our listeners probably have differing opinions than us, and that's the whole point of a hot take, is we're not gonna agree always about everything.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Gosh, let me just can add one more hot take. Okay. Uh, a couple coworkers and I last week had, I felt like the healthiest disagreement discussion about something we disagree on. And it was so fun and it was so respectful. And I do think that is some like a little bit another bad result of social media of just like we just get in this echo chamber of like everything that you think, you just get shown back to you. You know what I mean? Any especially political beliefs or well, and the way our social media can be now our it's our for you page, it's all from And so I just think it's so important to realize that you can just say to someone like agree to disagree in a kind way, not being a jerk, but like, oh, that's an interesting point. Or why do you think this? Yeah, I think this other thing, but that's fine that you think that.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Don't yuck someone else's yum.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Do not. Okay, so we do have a prayer for this one. God help us to care more about truth than being right. Guard our words and our hearts when opinions get loud. Teach us to listen well, respond with grace, and reflect you in every conversation. Keep us humble, kind, and rooted in love. Amen.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

Amen.