19 - Marriage, Ketchup, and the Little Things That Actually Matter

This week's episode topic got scrapped once already, so you know it’s honest!

We’re talking marriage. Not in a “here’s our expert advice” way. More like, here’s what’s worked, what hasn’t, and the moments that shape it all.

From flip flops in cow pastures to learning how to let the small stuff go… yeah. We covered some ground.

We talk about:

•  How we met our husbands and why those early days feel so different now 
•  Early marriage vs now and how everything shifts 
•  The small stuff that can turn into bigger moments 
•  Why choosing to get along really does matter 
•  How moms set the tone of the home (whether we like it or not) 
•  Faith, serving each other, and keeping the main thing the main thing 

Also featuring:

•  A deep appreciation for condiments as a love language 
•  The evolution from “follow him everywhere” to “see you later, good luck” 
•  And the realization that none of us really know what we’re doing, we’re just committed to figuring it out 

No perfect advice here. Just real life, growth, and a lot of grace.

Verse we’re holding onto:

Colossians 3:23
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”

If you’ve ever been frustrated over something small, grown through it, and come out better on the other side… you’re in good company.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome back to 27 Good. I'm Amy. I'm Patty. And we're so uh pumped for this episode. So we did attempt this episode already and we're scrapping it. This is the first episode that we've recorded that we threw away. Threw away without an audio issue. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Because one we had to throw away because the mics didn't work.

SPEAKER_03 0:18

Uh so we want to talk about marriage and relationship with our husbands, primarily, right?

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Yeah. So when we recorded it a couple weeks ago, it was my anniversary. Brian and I got married April 5th, and Amy wanted me to talk about marriage advice, and it was just, I was not feeling it. It was like an interview. I'm like interviewing her film. Yes, you were. And I don't feel I don't know how you feel, but I don't know if I feel like I could give marriage advice. You told me I could.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Yeah, I feel like you could. I can't. Why not?

SPEAKER_02 0:52

But especially now after this week.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

So it seemed like force, like I was digging through some, I don't know, marital advice that I didn't believe in. I don't know. So, anyways, we never even went back. Did you go back and listen to it? No. No.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

We just weren't feeling it.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

I think you can tell when you don't feel it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:06

And I plus we just want to it to be good stuff that we put out there. Yeah, feel good. Yeah. But it is vulnerable, I feel like, especially around this to be real. So here we go.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

I think that I feel funny because not all of our listeners are married and some of our listeners have walked through divorce. And so I never want it to come across if we're talking marriage that I know more than somebody else or I've done something better than somebody else or something like that. Because I certainly don't feel that way. I feel like my marriage is good and I feel blessed for the marriage I have, but I don't ever want it to come across that I'm somehow.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Yeah, I think we all walk our own paths and have our own journeys and have our own crosses to bear. And this right now is where we are. This is where we are right now. Yeah. But everyone has their own thing. So, anyways, we're just looking at it through that lens of here's our experience, here's hopefully some.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Well, and Amy really wanted to be the first the first time we did this episode, Amy really wanted to be mainly me. Probably because I'm because I've been married 18 years. So she seems to think that that's so long. It is.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

I've been married 10 years. April is also both of our anniversaries, which is funny. Patty's, she said it's April 5th and mine is April 30th, and we will celebrate 10 years, which feels just insane to say probably how you feel about 18. Like a decade I've been with married to Jason, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:27

So yeah, it is kind of crazy, always to think. Some of the funny things that we think back at is just how young we were. One so I'm 42, so Brian's 48. And one funny thing, and he was the one that stumbled upon this realization, that we started dating. My first date was December of 2004. And so that would have been okay 22 years ago, right? So if he's 48, at the time he was 26. Is that right? Yeah. So I know. I just tired, can't do this mental math in my head right now. Um but then he said, How old is your mom? He said to me, Is she 70 yet? And I said, No, not yet. And he said, So 22 years ago, she would have been my age.

SPEAKER_03 3:15

Oh my gosh. Right. And her daughter met her husband.

unknown 3:18

I know.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

And like we it really puts in perspective, and we've talked about this before with parenting of as a parent, it's their first time through too, right? Of cause we don't feel old, we don't feel wise, we don't feel and probably I thought my mom was holding wise in her 40s. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:37

I remember thinking like in school, thinking like the cheerleaders, the high school cheerleaders are so old. Right. Like 17. Yeah. Now it's yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

So just kind of a funny like side note of it, I guess. All right. So tell us how you met. Yeah. So I already said Brian's six years older than me, and we did both go to Ohio Northern for this small window of time, but we didn't date during that time. And I was friends with Brian's sister. And there's funny stories of we went out to eat, all of us at the same time, Larry and Joanne, Brian's parents and Beth's parents had come to visit Beth and Brian, took Brian and Beth each out to eat. Brian brought a girlfriend, which is so funny. So funny. And Beth brought me and another one of our friends. And so we do laugh sometimes about that. Just how it was so funny that we would go on this, we'd all go out to eat. And he was always just at that window of time, he was like Beth's older brother. And then after he graduated and moved home, now I joke that Brian's mom was like, Oh no, he's never getting married. He's moved home, no prospects of a wife. Right. Who's he gonna find out here? Yeah. So I had gone home with Beth a couple times, and the story goes that Joanne told Brian I was charming, which is accurate. Yeah. And said you should date Patty. I don't know if that's true. I'll have to ask her. They would lie, probably at this point.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

Of course that's what we said. Right.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

So they probably were like, date anyone, please. Just marry the first one that looks at you, please. So then to think back of some of our our dating days is our first date was a calves game. It was back in the days LeBron James was playing, so everybody was going to Cavs games, but never will we go to a calves game now. Never. And so I feel like you know they really wine and dying you take you to the fun stuff. But it's funny. Yeah. Hey, he was at my 21st birthday party. Funny things to think about those days. What about you and Jason? How did you guys?

SPEAKER_03 5:33

Yeah, a little bit similar, of course. So funny. I feel like I just follow your life eight or nine years later. Jason is also older than me, by I don't know how much. Four and a half years maybe. And so we did both go to Ohio State and that's where we met, but we were not there at the same time. So he was back visiting a friend who I was a friend with, and I just remember he was on the porch of this house. The dairy house. Yeah, on the porch of the dairy house. And me and a friend went over there, and I just remember thinking, like, who's this old man here? Like trying to. Why is he coming back to the dairy? Which he would have been like, what, one year graduate? Two years graduate. Right. What are you doing here? He was driving back through, I think, coming from um Wisconsin. It would have been because it would have been October. And uh gosh, just so funny. I think it was not. I think he was coming back from a trip to Minnesota to the lake with some people, and he stopped, and then we hung out that night, and then he came back again in October. So maybe we had texted a few times. I think I came up with that friend to the fair and to the Wayne County Fair.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Funny that I yeah, Wayne County Fair is part of our story, I think.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

But we were not dating then. And then in October is when we started dating. He was like, I better hook this up. Yeah. Same thing. We better find someone.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Better find somebody. He's moved home. Someone you're moved back home. And I joke all the time that if Brian didn't marry me, he was gonna marry cousin. I mean, it's a small community here. It's a small community. Thank goodness he brought in some fresh blood.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Gosh, it is. That's just Jason too.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

Jason too.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

But then that's part of our friendship story, is that we aren't both from here.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

So we know, had to find our own little community here. Um, what's so funny about I was asking Jason what his advice for this podcast is, and I was like, what do you love most about I forget what came up? Well, it's not that sweet because maybe that's not what I asked. It was something along the lines of that, and he then said one of the reasons he wanted to marry me was I was just so fun and so chill and no cares in the world, and now I am not that.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

I'm not no cares in the world. Jason!

SPEAKER_01 7:37

And I was like, Well, I am a mama through the three babies can really wreck your fun vibes.

SPEAKER_03 7:43

He's like, No, I really appreciate that you care about this stuff. I was like, just wait, you want to see no cares? You want to see what this is like? I'm gonna stop cleaning the house. You wanna see not potty or training any kids.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Don't know, don't know, just having fun. Crack to cock your hair dinner.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Anyway, no bad time. I'm not actually offended. It's like hilarious. Yeah, it's like one of those things, as we're saying, you catch yourself.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Well, and they hooked us with things like calves games, right? So Yeah, we had like fun dates. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

I don't even know, you're just so chill. We do talk about what did we do with our time. What did we do with our still, yeah. Well, you're two, your kids are big. Bigger than mine. I don't mean it like that. I just mean like I feel like I'm like bedtime is you know, it's just the whole thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

But one funny thing we talked about a little bit because I was we were reminiscing of early days being married, and I used to kind of kind of follow Brian around. Oh, yes. I didn't know that he's a night owl, he works second shift at the hospital, and so he stays up much later than me, and he's happy too. And when we were first married, it was like, okay, honey, I'm going to bed. Like, come on. Like, aren't we? Yeah, and I or if he wasn't going to bed, then like, should I be staying up? And uh, yes, I remember, or if he was gonna run an errand in town, I think it was like, welcome. Yeah, but but now it's like everybody, see ya run your errand.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

Gosh, I remember like pick up milk on the way. I know, here's what I need. I remember waiting at the door for Jason. Like, as soon as I could see he was home, it was like, oh my gosh, hello, welcome home. Mm-hmm. Been missing you on a night. Now like walking and we're like, help, help us, take a kid. Just kidding, it's not that bad. Just a little help. What else? What else did we have to do?

SPEAKER_01 9:21

Well, some of our early funny stories from our early years of marriage are so I did not grow up on a farm. Oh yeah. Some of our listeners know this. I'm from Mentor, Ohio, which is east of Cleveland. It's a suburb of Cleveland. It is, I was in a I grew up in a neighborhood. My graduating class, we've talked about that before, is huge. It was just very much like suburb living. There was all the conveniences of living right in town. I didn't know what a farm was, really, probably. So a lot of our funny early dating stories are funny things like that. So the first year that I lived in Worcester, I had an apartment and I was waitressing and substitute teaching, and Brian was picking me up for a date, and we were gonna go to a movie. I think maybe dinner in a movie, but for sure a movie. And I wore flip-flops and capri pants, capris, classic. And he said, On the way, we just have to go look at this bull I'm gonna get. And he took me to this farm, hilarious. And we had to go out in this pasture and walk around to look at which bull we wanted to buy for the cows, and I was in flip-flops. And I feel like there's a lot of really funny things like that. Of now I think if that were to happen, I'd be like, I'm waiting in the car. I'm not traipsing through this pasture in my flip-flops. Sounds great, I'll go with you. I'll come. Yeah. What did this guy think? He was like, Who's this guy's girlfriend? You probably didn't even notice. No, Brian is so chill. He probably didn't even care. Yeah, the other guy's like, Who do you got with you? The other guy probably thought, Who's this girl? It's so funny. But yeah, there's a lot of really funny things like that. Or when we were, I don't even think we were married yet. Maybe we were newlyweds. We bought the 4020, which is a tractor, a John Deere tractor, and it was our first big purchase, and we did a photo shoot with it. Oh my god. I have a photo album of us on the 4020. We cleaned it all up, and there's features of us in it. I framed some of them.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

That is adorable.

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Just so funny, really funny things like that. And now he buys a new tractor, and I don't even know if he tells me always.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

Just shows up. Surprise.

SPEAKER_03 11:27

Surprise. You signed for this. Right. Gosh, that's so funny. A funny memory. I have is okay, when I met Jason's, when Jason brought me home to his family. And so Ohio State football season is just the best. And when you're in college, it's so fun. Every game, every weekend's game weekend, just a party girl. And I still remember that first fall, I put on like 20 pounds in two months, and I'm not kidding. Like I'm not joking. Beers and pizza. Yeah, you're just eating all the time, drinking all the time. And I remember having to go. This is so funny. I was like, I have no- What year were you in college, do you think? Probably a sophomore, I think. Okay. I have no money. So I'm gonna go I bought these fat pants from Plato's closet. And I still remember they had a little hole, and Jason would poke his finger in the hole, and I was like, I have no money to buy new fat pants. Where was the hole? Like on my knee. Okay. It was so dumb. But it was like something he played with, you know what I mean? Uh-huh. And gosh, it's hilarious. So his sister is a year younger than me, and she's like tall and thin. She's like an athlete. And when we went to his parents' house, I went with him to the farm first, maybe. I don't remember. But maybe my pants got wet, something that I needed new pants. And I said, do not let your mom give me your sister's pants because I already know they will not fit. And so his mom comes walking in with, like, here's some of Anna's his sister's pants that you can wear. And I was like, These are not gonna fit me. Somehow they did, like probably so tight and embarrassing. And it's just a funny joke. I feel like I haven't thought about that in a while. And I have made them, maybe it was around, I don't remember. I used to like always make treats when I would go like Valentine's Day treats, like fun things, probably trying to win them over. And they probably hate me now because I never bring anything. I returned these containers today, and his father my father-in-law was like, These are empty.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

I think your in-laws are like you used to be fun and chill. I was like, Well, thanks. You used to be fun and chill and bring us treats and your fat pants.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

That's what we'll talk about in therapies. My husband said I used to be fun and chill. Oh man.

SPEAKER_03 13:27

Oh man. I do feel like, gosh, that's just how I don't know, seasons change in marriage.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

I asked Brian what marriage advice he thought we should share. And most of us were kind of inappropriate that I couldn't share on the podcast. Submit and obey. Submit and obey. But he did say a fridge full of ketchup. So he is a ketchup lover. And I love a sauce and a condiment.

SPEAKER_03 13:49

Wait, I remember one time he bought a whole case of ketchup.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Where was that from? From the neighborhood pantry. And that was, I think, COVID. COVID, yes. He was probably sure we were all getting shut down or something. He bought every bottle on the shelf. But it was just something early on in marriage that I would forget to buy. And he is such a ketchup lover, more so than anyone I've ever met. So funny. And if it's not in the fridge, it's such a joke that it's turned into my best friend from college, her name is Sheena, and her dad, when her dad goes to visit Sheena, he brings a bottle of ketchup and says, This is for Patty. That's so funny. Because it's turned into such a thing that, like, here, here's that ketchup. So Brian can't get mad anymore. The fridge is empty. So yeah, it's just one of those. It's just always have a backup in the cupboard. I love that. That was one of his advice. So I suppose it's not always ketchup. It probably depends on your husband's sauce of choice. Yeah. Ranch. Who knows? Brian said that his grandma's advice was you just have to choose to get along. At some point. And I think that that, yeah, like at some point you could fight over everything, or but at some point you just have to decide to get along. I do think that we're in a pretty good kind of like window of our marriage right now where we do we do not fight. Like, I mean, I think that it's when you're in stressful times of your life, it's probably when the fights with your spouse come out more.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

Yeah. Like you're in an unhealthy spot. Or just yeah, tired and stressed and wait. So I told you we had an argument last night. Is that what you're saying? It's not a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yeah. I'm leaning, I'm leaning, I'm leaning right into your story.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Oh my gosh, it's so funny. Cause we had an argument last night over like nothing.

SPEAKER_03 15:29

It's always over nothing. It's always over nothing. And it actually here's the thing I feel like I've learned in marriage is well, for one, it does feel like I'm always the first to apologize because I just think it's not worth like fighting. And I think that's probably a two thing because it's just with anyone. I'm like, I'm sorry, whatever. Yeah. But Jason's thing that annoys him is when I I haven't even told you all this, I don't think. No. When I just let Lucy, the dog, run wild, go wherever she wants. And I just cannot bring myself to care. I've got three kids I'm looking after when we're home wait, like before he gets home. I'm doing all the things, and I don't care. I don't care. Well, what's she doing? I don't know. I think for him, she's gonna be like dirty, and then like someone has to wash her. And so last night he comes in. Is it him that has to wash her? Uh yeah, it's gonna be. So that's probably why he's like, you let this dog run getting all this.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

And I'm like, I washed through. And then you're like, wash the dog.

SPEAKER_03 16:21

He comes in, which also the weirdest thing, our toilet seat broke. Like it just like broke off of the like where it's attached. Yeah, that's happened. So weird. It's never a fat ass problem, I think. That's what my core grocer said. She's like, maybe you could lose a few pounds and it might break. I was like, I hear you. Probably. It was so funny. So, anyways, he walks in the door, that's what happened. And I was like, great. And then he said something about did you know Lucy was outside and now she's covered in burrs? And I was like, that's funny. Just got annoyed, and it was whatever. So then I was like, You're doing it. You're like just ordering her mind. Yeah, I was like, I'm not watching her, just so you know. Like something like a light snippy. But then I just went over and grabbed his butt. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah, you're like funny, move on.

SPEAKER_03 17:06

And then we were laughing, and it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 17:08

I will say the one thing I think that it's not a fight, but it's a disagreement these days. Charlie has a phone. Oh yeah. And Brian cannot with it. I don't. He just every time that Charlie does anything the littlest bit wrong, he's like, that phone is mine. And he's constantly just like, Don't you think we should take the phone for like four weeks? I was like, for what? It's like what are we I think that's also just a male thing. They go. And he always says, like, I didn't have a phone. I didn't have phones then. Right. Well, I said neither did I. I just so it's the one thing that I think in parenting teens that it's probably always going to be a battle is just us trying to figure all that out.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

Oh gosh, and I do think it's hard because like on the front you have to stand with them in front of the kids. But after like, even if you don't agree, always which I feel like is something I've learned recently, is of you've always got a whoever. Or they say you talk about it later. It's challenging.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

They regularly in our house say, like, don't tell dad. And I have to be like, Well, I have to tell dad. I tell dad everything, but yeah, it's not gonna be because he's and I it's I want to say he's strict, but I actually think I'm the disciplinarian. I'm but I think that comes from that I'm with them the most. Right. So I have to make these decisions to discipline, and then he has to kind of back me more so, but he just I maybe has a little bit higher expectations. Like I'm pretty chill in the sense that if they're lounging on the couch, I don't think much of it. And especially now that the weather is nice, if they're lounging on the couch, he comes in and he's like, Get out, get out there, we're changing oil on this tractor, get outside and oh, sorry, dad didn't want you laying around.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

Get out of there. I will share the advice Jason said when I did ask him this. He said, if mom is happy, everyone's happy. Which really is just the key. And it really is like what's so funny is it really is only in the mom's control, I feel like. Like, sure, he can well help, but like you know what I mean? Yeah. I think at some point what you said about you just have to decide to get along. Like you just have to decide to be joyful, I think, you know?

SPEAKER_01 19:10

Yeah. I think that in my house too, mom really does set the mood of the house. And so it goes back to we've said before of you can't pour from an empty cup.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

Yeah, and you just can't I don't know. I feel like sometimes if my kids are acting bad and everyone's mad, like we went to Walmart this week, and I thought it was gonna be the most fun getting a swimsuit. It was not, they had no sizes that Samantha would fit, like any suit she liked, then they didn't have that. She's not an annoying in-between. Yeah. She's like out coming out of Todd, they're being into big girl stuff. The boys were just insane and embarrassing. Austin's like hitting Andrew with a hanger and just all the you know, it was just, and then I got so grumpy and I was like, if I would have just been a little more chill, like obviously that's bad behavior, right? And if someone knows what to do about it, tell me because I don't know how to control my two-year-old right now. Poor Austin. Gosh, he's throwing me, but anyways, it just is true. Like, mom, you just Jason says that if I'm grumpy, he can feel it when he walks at the door. I am happy most of the time.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Always. Seriously.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

There's like what, two days our whole marriage?

SPEAKER_01 20:13

They probably can sense it though.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

I just think they can. Truly. Like, he just knew like it's like your kids can sense it.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

And yeah. So when you're having a bad, grumpy mood like that, what do you do to snap out of it?

SPEAKER_03 20:24

Um, let's see. Put Walmart, it was just like, we gotta get out of here. Oh, yeah. And then the cashier was so nice, and then I was like, gosh, I'm just the worst mom. And then I was like, that wasn't that bad. We'll go again this week trying to buy a swimsuit.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

I think that when I had little kids, from what I can really remember, is that when things are not are going bad like that, you have to kind of like surrender your control. Like you're out of control in that situation. Like it didn't go how you wanted, and you can be mad and you can or you can kind of turn it around and just yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

I do think being silly and funny is always I'll do like a voice and a funny word, like fret, or you know what I mean? Something silly. Turn on some funny songs and I love it. I did not do that in Walmart, which I should have. Also, it's just like setting yourself up. We went at like five o'clock, everyone's hungry. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think music, I think if you want to have a fun beverage, like that always helps. It's just like relaxing and knowing that none of this even matters. Why do we get grumpy if like bedtime's behind? You know what I mean? Yes. None of it matters. They'll be tired tomorrow and they'll be fine. Yeah. So maybe that's it. I'm really not that grumpy that often. It just happened.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

No, you're so chill and so fun.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

I'm so chill and so fun. How many times do I have to say it? Um, so what else?

SPEAKER_01 21:32

I do think that one thing that I really appreciated always with Brian from the start was his faith. We've talked about that a little bit before. And I think that this is where I really had a hard time in our previous episode where we were trying to give marriage advice. Was I don't think I'm capable of giving marriage advice because I'm not sure that my marriage has gone through anything like so hard yet. We haven't lost our parents. Just not went through a major trip to be here. I mean, we've had we've certainly had hard. Things and have overcome some things, but I just think I don't know. I hope that we continue to keep faith at the center so that I mean we know life is so hard and you don't know what's gonna come and just trying to always work as a team to get through things as it comes. And that's fearful, I think, sometimes for me is to just think, okay, yeah, we've done 18 years, we've had 18 good years, but what will the future hold?

SPEAKER_03 22:26

Yeah. Yeah. I do admire people who pray together. I feel like we do not do that.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

I think that that's a cool thing and probably a pretty powerful thing.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Yeah, we've talked a lot about that because Brian's parents do. They do devotions together and they work through a lot of things. They do right now, anyways, they have more time, certainly. But as a family, they used to do a lot more of that together. We go to church together. I think that's really important. I think all of us going to church is important.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

Well, there is a stat which I always think is fascinating that if the and I'm gonna butcher the numbers, but it's like if the mom takes the kids to church, there's like a 30% chance they'll go. But if the dad does, it's like 80% or something. Yeah, it's wild of like how much the male just their I don't know, dominance or power their influence. Yes, influences over kids.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Cause I agree completely. Do you pray for Jason? Yeah, probably not as much as I should. I know. I feel like that's an area actually I need to grow in is like I think um writing down my prayers and like specifically praying for people because I feel like I will when it comes, but I do not like my ideal would truly be to get up at 4 30 in the morning and just have when do your kids get up? Um, like six. So having like an hour to yourself? Yeah, and not like just to do other things too, but just to I feel like that's part of the reason this week feels kind of wonky is I feel like I've overslept every day and it's just like I said's the tone, you know. And I just think that I also think you can't see the power of prayers. I think you see it more when you have it written down. When I used to do this, it's like, oh my gosh, there's an answered prayer, there's an answered prayer. Yeah, I've never done that. And I think that that is cool. Because I teach, like, you do this with your kids too, Bo. And like Samantha cannot wait to grow up and be a mom, or she's excited about since she can't wait. And I think that's so important that they marry well. We talked about this, it's probably the most important decision you make in your life. And I'm we're always talking about like qualities in people, like make sure he loves Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Yeah, is believes in Christ because I really do think, yeah. I don't think when I was looking for a husband, that was even in my list. 100%. I feel like Well, I will say when I was dating Brian, though, I wasn't looking for a husband.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

Do you think I was like, I'm not, I'm not even date I didn't even want to date anyone, actually. I just wanted to have fun, be chill, like be chill and fun. I do feel so just lucky, truly, that I just somehow married well without I feel that way too.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Yeah. So I do I pray for my kids' futures in that sense a lot, but mainly because I just I don't have any daughters and I could really use some killer daughter-in-laws.

SPEAKER_03 25:05

No. I feel the same.

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Well that's probably happening.

SPEAKER_03 25:08

Yeah. I was gonna say I feel the same. I have a daughter, but she doesn't have any sisters, and so I want her to have like sister-in-laws, yeah. Yeah, I want them to be the best of friends. I feel so lucky with all my sister-in-laws and you too. I feel like a piece of marriage advice I heard before I got married, which I do just admire, and I try to do it, but I don't rock at it, is you should always be in a competition to outserve each other. And I do think, and I've seen if I start doing something, like make the coffee every morning and set it for Jason or something with a little note, it somehow like gets returned. You know what I mean? And you don't do it to get it returned, but it just starts this thing of like, oh, let me do something nice for you.

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Well, it doesn't make you feel better just to do something too. I always think that.

SPEAKER_03 25:49

I think it's not it's like blessed to give rather than receive type vibes. Yeah. Anything else? Stop picking every fight, stop trying to be mad about everything, just be happy. I think that's it. You just have to choose what you said to get along. Yeah, just choose to get along. Yeah. Wait, do I want to talk about first fight? Do you have anything to share about fights?

SPEAKER_01 26:10

Like a first fight. There were probably something stupid. I was so passionate about the stupidest of things. I feel like I am you say you're like, I feel like my chill level is down. I cried over everything. I was so selfish. I was oh yeah, same. Just wanted Brian's attention. And I feel like I used to get so mad. And this is something I've definitely had to really adapt to. If anybody is married to a farmer, they know that there is nothing like farmer time. It's so hard. If they say they'll be in at six, they are not going to be able to do that. They mean seven. Yeah. And and that used to really bother me, I think, and really hurt my feelings when he wouldn't show up when he said he was going to, or he wouldn't be there, or and now I just well, one thing I've certainly learned to adapt to in that way is if we need to be somewhere at six, I'm telling him 5 30. Because I know he'll be late. He'll be late. He also has no idea at all of how long it takes him to get ready. I think he thinks he's like a five minute. I'll be ready in five. No, you're not. It's just a joke that the Miley family has no sense of urgency. I just think it's farmers.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

But you grew up on a farmer's the same way. Yeah, probably. My dad's late to everything. My parents. Yeah, everyone's late. What were your early fights? Can you remember them? I do remember two of them. Okay. I sound like a psycho, but they're so funny, so I'm gonna share them anyways. So I used to be such a drugie in terms of like over-the-counter medicine. I used to take cough syrup like every night to sleep for a season in college, and this is hilarious because I just don't hardly use any over-the-counter anymore. It's just it's not for a reason. I don't know. I just don't, you know what I mean? You just I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

It's like a little bit of our essential oils.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

And just like experiences.

SPEAKER_01 27:56

I think I would take it like there's lots of other things to do before you lean on.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Yeah, like homeopathy stuff, but also uh just if it's not necessary, like don't. But I used to be like, oh, I have a tiny headache, I'm gonna take this. And I used to take this goody medicine for migraines that is like a powder that looks like cocaine that you would take with a Coca-Cola, like just hilarious. It's a crazy. I just knew everything and I would take everything. And I remember one time Jason was sick, and I made him this concoction that I thought was uncocaile. Of like over-the-counter drugs. And Jason is someone who is so analytical, he always like, I would never read if ibuprofen was like, don't drink alcohol, I would never know that because I would never read that. It's Tylenol or care about it. Whatever it is. Yeah. I'm married to a pharmacist, so I know a lot of that. So he had already just taken something else, and then I make him this strong con, like I don't even remember what it was, but it was like a tea that I dumped stuff into, and he was like, I'm not drinking that. And I got so Did you throw something? I remember like wiping things that were on the cable.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

I love the stories of you getting in a fight where you throw something.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

What else did I throw? Oh, wait, this is the other story that I threw something. Okay. Yeah. So I remember clearing the counter with my hand, like whoosh, and wiping whatever was on there, which was probably like napkins. I don't know. But I was so mad, and it's just hilarious in hindsight because who cares that he didn't want to drink the tea.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

And then I remember saying, if you're not gonna drink it, I will. But I was what a threat. Right.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

So I drink this tea and go through. And the other one is gosh, I can't even remember the whole story, and I don't even know why we got mad. But someone gifted us six chickens for our wedding, my old coworker. Oh, Helen. Helen. They were all named Helen, and they were laying hens, so we would have eggs, and it is such a s guy asked me first. He didn't just like drop off these chickens.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

I'm gonna start giving that as wedding gifts.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

So we had fresh eggs of so sweet, but we had to finish this chicken coop, and I can't even remember the fight. I think it was, I think I had the chickens already, and for some reason the boards inside weren't even, and I thought one of them were gonna get their feet and stuck in it, like one of their it's not a toe, piece of their foot in it. Claw. Yeah. Claw. And I can't even remember it, but we like had a hammer out there and we were fighting, and Jason was like, I'm not doing this because you're I don't remember. And I threw the hammer. Like, not at him, but I just threw out the ground.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

And then he left. I love the crazy Amy stuff. And I slipped him off as he drove away. You really showed him. I showed him. If you're not gonna drink this, I am. I'm gonna drink this I am. So that's been our crazy early years, but I've never done that since because I've since found crazy.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

Sometimes if I really think back to things, I think. Thank goodness he just didn't throw me to the curb, really. Oh my gosh, I was a psycho. I'm not anymore, except. But I'm not gonna tell him that. I'm not gonna be like, thank goodness you didn't think. Gosh, I'll tell you.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

He's lucky to have us. Oh my gosh, so funny. I think that's it. Yeah, so that's it. All right, God, thank you for the gift of marriage. Thank you for your forgiveness when we are crazy. I am crazy. And we just pray that you continue to show up in our marriages and show us where we can serve each other more and to be better. In the name of Red and Amen.