"Sad Little Pancakes" | Big Boobs, Breastfeeding & Body Image at Every Size

In this episode, we’re talking about boobs—loving them, hating them, feeding babies with them, and in Ryann’s case, getting rid of them altogether. What starts as a funny conversation about aging bodies and “sad little pancake boobs” quickly turns into a deeper discussion about breastfeeding struggles, body image, gender dysphoria, and the complicated relationships we can have with our bodies.

Julie opens up about her experiences trying to breastfeed all four of their children, the emotional toll of pumping for years, postpartum struggles, tongue ties, feeding specialists, formula guilt, and donating breast milk to other families. The conversation explores the pressure many parents feel around infant feeding and the reality that sometimes the “natural” thing doesn’t come naturally at all.

Ryann shares what it was like growing up with an extremely large chest, the physical pain and limitations that came with it, and the journey from wanting a breast reduction to ultimately realizing top surgery was the right decision. Together, they discuss body image, gender identity, chest dysphoria, breast reduction versus top surgery, and how differently people can feel about the same body part.

This episode is funny, honest, emotional, and surprisingly relatable—whether you’ve breastfed, formula fed, struggled with body image, considered surgery, or just have complicated feelings about your own body. It’s a conversation about expectations, identity, and learning to make peace with the body you’re living in.

New episodes drop every Wednesday. Follow the show so you don’t miss what’s next, and find us on Instagram to be part of the conversation. We’d love to hear your questions!

Julie is a podcast manager who helps people tell the stories they’ve been too scared to share. If you’ve been thinking about starting a podcast… this is your sign. Home - Julie Beck LLC

Transcript

0:05

I'm Ryan. I'm Julie. And this is the stories we leave you. Welcome back. Let's talk about some boobies. Some boobies. On today's episode, boobs. Like 'em? Hate them? Thoughts? Opinions? You go first. How do you feel about your titties? How do I feel about my titties? Um They're fine. They're there. I mean, now that I'm 42, I've breastfed four plus children because I also donated breast milk. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah. So lots of getting really big and then shrinking down. Getting really big and shrinking down. So yeah, now they're just sad little pancakes. Once upon a time, you know, I had some pretty good boobs and I felt like they were nice. They added a little something something. And now I'm just kind of like Whatever. What would you like to have your boobs look like now? I m mean like they used to. That would be nice. Lifted, tucked. It'd just be nice if they could because they don't it's not like they make a bra that like sags down the way your boobs sag. Boobs are made to like be up. And like my boobs just don't fill cups like they used to. It's like I have to scoop them up and fill them in there. Yeah, it's like, you know, fill it to the water level because it's not like you know, because they're like so that it's like a bag of jelly. Like it's not it's not like it used to be. I mean you did a lot with them though. I did. I mean they definitely served their their natural purpose. I mean there was some some wear and tear just because with like the pumping and everything, like you put your boobs through the ringer. Yeah, for sure. I tried breastfeeding all four of our children and it just never worked out with Grey and Liv. It was twins, it was just really hard. Liv had a teeny tiny mouth and couldn't latch well, and I gave up pretty quickly with them, but it wasn't that big of a deal at the time. Well, I mean, I couldn't slash wouldn't breastfeed because I was given the opportunity to explore that. And I said, no, thank you. But with twins, it's yeah, if they both weren't gonna breastfeed, it's like all right, just yeah. It was easier just to like pump and give me a bottle. Yeah, pump and let someone else help feed them so that it wasn't all on me anyway. So it was kind of like fine. I was just like, we'll go with the flow that first time around. Which is interesting that Liv is up your butt all the time now, and I'm like, I'm the one who bonded with you with feeding when you were teeny tiny. Yeah. You were mine, and granted, I don't want her up my butt like she's up yours. Yeah, that's something I used to worry about. I know. Gray was yours. Gray was mine. I always I took care of him at night. He was just always like the needier one, like he always needed more from me. Well, and you kind of you didn't baby him more, but he required a little bit more attention and he clung on to you like a little spider monkey. And then Liv and I just hung out. Yeah. And I mean, even when they were little, Liv was just more independent. She could do her own thing. She's still kind of like that, but Gray is still Will you cut my apple? Yeah. Will you get me a soda? Will you get me? Until I say your three-year-old sister can cut up apples, and then he goes, Oh, well, I didn't know that. But yeah, so ended up pumping for the two of them for a year, and then Finlay came along and I was like, Okay, this time this is gonna be it. I'm gonna breastfeed. Of course, it's like fucking COVID. So we did everything. We live in St. Charles County. I drove him all the way to Illinois by myself. I believe he did that. And he was not a pleasant car rider either. No, he would cry a lot of the time. And there was someone out there who specialized in like feeding and stuff like that, and we did some myofascial release stuff in his mouth, and in the end he still like he just wasn't latching, and by then it was like he'd already been using bottles, so then trying to get him back on the boob, and we had to use like the little feeding tube. Oh, you with the with your with our finger. Yeah, there was like a thing, yeah, you put the feeding tube on your finger and then you have them like suck on your finger that's supposed to like help get them back to the nipple. It was so stressful. That was probably one of the worst emotional breaks I've seen you have. Yeah. Because you're like, okay, we had twins, it was super hard, it like fine, whatever. And then you're like, this one I'm really gonna do. And like we did the research, we knew to take him to a chiropractor right away, like all these things. Like lactation consultants, like, and you know me, when I have my mindset on something, like I'm gonna make it happen. And the fact that it was just like I got to the point where it was just so overwhelming and so much mental strain that I was just like, okay, I'm done. I finally was just like, I'm over it. I can't do this anymore. Yeah, because you tried the like the nipple shields, all different sizes. Yeah. Is that when you tried the um what were they, the metal cup thing? Oh, that was supposed to help with healing. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. On top of that, you physically were in pain all the time. We had to buy that like special, like remember, only one pharmacy made that like special paste or mixture or whatever it was. Like we had to drive somewhere. South county. Yeah, just to get this like special salve that was supposed to help heal my nipples and because they were so bad. And when that happens for anyone who doesn't understand the logistics of breastfeeding, it's a lot of people telling you what's not working on top of, yeah, no shit, this kid is not latching. Or if they're latching but it hurts, oh well, it's not supposed to hurt. Yeah, you're not supposed to just, you know, get through the pain and whatever. It's like, but it but they're latching, and that's what I want, but it's like, oh no, something's not right here. Yeah. And yet, you know, for thousands and millions of years, people fed their babies one way. Literally, like, you know, you hear like people in like tribes and people in the olden days, like they had a baby and bam, they breastfed. But now I've watched shows where they show like what happened if like the baby didn't just latch on and breastfeed and like alternatives that they had back in the day. So but yeah, they make it seem like, oh, it's the most natural thing in the world, it should just happen, and oh, and and tongue ties, tongue ties, cheek ties, yeah, lip ties, all this shit that like basically is like why your baby is not doing what it's supposed to, yeah. Mixed with oh your nipple doesn't jut out far enough, or the baby's mouth is too small, like all this stuff kind of like correlates with like pregnancy, like oh, you're you're too small of a woman to deliver naturally, and this won't happen, and this won't happen. It's like what can you just like hold on a second and like mixed with all the hormones going through your body and postpartum and everything else, and it still isn't working. It's like I don't I don't know if I've seen you cry more than with Finn just because we both wanted it so bad for you. Yeah, I would say if I had postpartum depression, it was after Finn for sure. I mean, also it was COVID, yeah. There were a lot of factors, and we didn't have support, physical support, because nobody could come over. Like your mom stayed with us for a little bit, but you know, you don't have that outlet that you normally get when it's not COVID. But yeah, I mean that was that was kind of rough just to sit by and just kind of watch it happen. Cause I mean, yeah, I tried to help with the feeding tube and all that stuff, but essentially like you're sitting there topless, balling your eyes out. Yeah, trying to exhausted, ex yeah, trying to do what's best. And I was so sore after giving birth to him, like I couldn't sit for a long time. Yeah, eventually it was like I could I mean, I know if I would have had the mental capacity to stick with it, I'm sure we could have worked it out and gotten him back on the breast. But at that point, my mental health was not like you were on the verge, if not a a tiny percentage resenting him in a way, or is that false? Um, I don't know if I was resenting him, just I feel like if we kept pushing and like basically it was I feel like in your mind it was I'm failing at this. Yeah. This is something that I really wanted. We weren't sure if we were having another one because we were just okay, this might be our last one, and whatever. But it's like, okay, this is really where like I feel like women get pushed to that point where they're they don't want anything to do with their kid. Yeah. Just in that moment, because it's like, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, you're doing everything you're supposed to do, and yet we're not working together. And it's like, all right, you need to accept the defeat. Yeah. And luckily, pumping works. Yeah. But it it was a matter of changing the mindset and seeing it as an alternate versus well, I just I lost. Yeah, and that's I had to shift my mindset on that for sure, to where it was like, okay, no, I can pump, I can still provide breast milk for him. And so that's what I did. Luckily, I respond very well to the pump. Yeah, you did. And I pumped, I would have to stop and switch bottles because I was filling up past it was an eight-ounce bottle, but you could probably fit almost ten ounces in it, and I was filling up both. I mean, you literally pumped gallons out of your body, which is so crazy. So I pumped for him for a full year and donated because I had extra. Donated to other mothers feeding their babies, not juice heads. I thought about it. I thought about selling it at one point. All those weight builder guys. Yeah, apparently it's a hot commodity in the bodybuilding world. I mean it's like the best substance on earth. Yeah. For I thought about it. Um all the things for your body. You know. But yeah, so pumped for him for a year, donated to a couple of different babies, and that was fun to see. Just getting to donate. Yeah, I mean, because a lot of times, like you would donate and you would make these milk bricks basically. Milk bags are eight ounces, and then you would put how many bags? Like ten per bag. Ten per gallon bag. Yeah, and that made a brick, and this is like all lingo for the breastfeeding world, and then you would donate, like, you would tell me because you would be out somewhere like not at home, and you're like, hey, so-and-so's coming by to pick up four bags or four bricks. But it was just kind of cool to see because it's like, oh, you're like literally like helping keep a baby alive. And yeah, because unfortunately for them, those moms, like their boobies didn't work right. Yeah, they weren't able to produce the milk that they needed. So it was like, okay, I can't breastfeed, but at least like I have that like blessing or whatever. Silver lining. Yeah. So anyway, fast forward to Violet, and this truly was our last one, and it was like, okay, this is gonna be the one. We're gonna one out of four. Let's do it. We're gonna breastfeed, it's gonna be great. And uh same thing. We took her to feeding specialists, went to a special dentist that did had her ties released. Yeah, we tried all the things and it was we were so proactive. I'm like, fuck, if this doesn't work, I was so worried. I'm like, just knowing how you were with Finn, but I think you went up, went into this with I think mentally I was it was still it was still hard. I was still struggling mentally, but not like I was with Finn. Yeah. It wasn't to that extreme. No, which is disappointing. I think I was more disappointed for you because I'm like, God damn it, like just fucking work. Like, I that's something that I would have liked to have seen happen just because, like, you know, with the bottles and the pumping and like it takes so much time, like it would have been nice to be out and not have to worry about that and be like, oh yeah, this this just worked, and take out your boob, and that was no cleaning bottle, no nothing. That was the first time too that we actually had to go out and buy formula one night. She hadn't been home probably more than a day or two, and breastfeeding was not working. And remember, I'd let someone use the pump that I had, like good pump, and she gave it away. Yep. And I'd order some other stupid, oh, one of those that fit inside your bra. Mm-hmm. You didn't like it's like a hand-free whatever, and that one sucked. It did not pull enough to pump anything out. So it did yeah, it didn't have the suction. Yeah, it did not have good enough suction. So I was barely getting anything, and I finally broke down and I was like, it was one of those where it was like, Do you want me to go get some formula? And I'm like, fine, go fucking buy some formula, and like I was so pissed about it. I had flashbacks to Living Gray, because we gave gray formula once, and it was those little pre give live formula. Live formula? Mm-hmm. Uh maybe both of them, I don't know. But it was those little bottles they give you with the formula already in it. They sent us home with some, yeah. For living gray. And I needed sleep. And mom was like, Do you want us to give formula? And I was like, fine. I would yeah, I mean, really wanting you to know, but do I want to sleep? Yes. That was a careful uh discussion her and I had, and I'm like, we gotta do it at the right time at the very last minute. Be like, by the way. I was so mad about it. But I needed sleep so freaking bad. But yeah, it was the same thing with Vi. I don't know if you where were you? I don't know where you were. Maybe you were in bed with Finn or something, but mom went out to Walmart late at night. I remember seeing it in the fridge, I'm like, or on the counter or something, and I was like, uh And I don't think we used very many. We only used a couple. I remember we had a bunch left. But yeah, it was just like to me, it felt like a failure. It was like, oh my god, the first time I've ever had to buy formula. Buy kid four. I was like I mean, and obviously it's out of my control. Like, well, and I remember, yeah, you were waiting on another pump, which I think you ended up. Did you where did you get we ended up? I got into a Facebook group and there were several moms. I told them what happened, how the other mom gave my pump away, and they were like, Oh my gosh, I have one you can use, like the good one. And I was like, Oh my god, that would be amazing. So I ended up with a couple of pumps because some people just came and dropped shit off. And anyway, I ended up with more pumps than I needed from this Facebook mom's group. And I ended up giving them away to other moms because I had too many. So mom community coming through providing. Well, I think you even tried the hand pump at one point. Yeah. As like a fallback, and you're like, this is like no. Well, and for me it was like, oh my god, like what if I'm not producing this time, like I did last time. Uh yeah, you were worried about that. Yeah, so then I was like, crap, are we gonna have to like do formula from now on, or like someone else gonna have to donate to me? Like, what's gonna happen? So luckily that was not the case. Once I got a good pump, it was fine. But yeah, we did all the things. I remember taking her to the feeding specialist, and she I remember she tried something and it didn't work. She like still wasn't watching, and I could see in her face that it was like, oh crap, like, why isn't that working? And I was like, you know what, I'm fucking done. And I pretty much like after that, I was just like, no, I'm not booking any more appointments. I'm not putting myself through this any further because I know how I felt last time, and I'd rather just like accept my fate. And you were much more just like, you know what, nope. Yeah, so I was like, you know what, I'll pump. I know I can donate to other babies, it's fine, it is what it is. But my poor boobies went through between pumping for a total of three years, my nipples being stretched, because I have real stretchy nipples, so my nipples went real far into that pump. They got stretched so far, so many times they were so sore from trying to breastfeed, not from pumping, but yeah, it was rough. And then, like I said, I remember when we had Gray and Liv and we went to see our friends at Pride Float at the river, and I had my swimsuit on, and we were like, guys, feel my boobs, feel my boobs, because they were like so big with milk. And I was like, My boobs have never been this of a lumptuous in my entire life. Yeah, I mean they it's amazing how big they get and how full and like what they feel like, and then you pump, and then they're like Yeah, deflated again. Because then like at the end of pumping for Gray and Live, I pumped out it was like one last time, and they were just like and they just went, yeah. It's insane. Like the what your body goes through is insane. So all those years of up and down and up and down, and now they're sad little sacks. I mean, a part of me felt kind of bad just because I felt complete opposite about my boobs, and I always kind of I wondered if I ever had decided to have a kid, would it have worked for me? I think we also need to preface this. You had ginormous boobs. Big. Like what was it, like double eye? Big off the charts. Double eye, they were So they were never up. Extreme. I mean, they were pretty up. It was impressive how those bras held them up, to be honest. Yeah, but was it worth all those years of did they also tack down to like your belly button when you took your bra off? Yes, they did. I mean, the fact that when they came off, my skin was basically just it felt different. It was slightly a different color because I always had skin pressed up against it. Like it was insane. You're talking about having your breasts off. Yeah, and what I noticed, I was like, oh, that's where my boobs used to be all the time. But like for me, I'm like, oh, these boobs are getting in the way. I can't hold my kids right. I had to hold them on top of my boobs. Well, and that was one of the things when you talked about if you wanted to carry or not, I was always like, Do you realize your boobs are gonna get bigger? Like, well, I was just hoping if if that were the case, because we we had some serious conversations around that. And not gonna lie, so glad I didn't decide to go that route. I would have if you couldn't, obviously. Even now, if we were trying to have another kid and you couldn't, I think I would still do that for you and for us, just as a vessel. Well, no, I'm too claustrophobic. Nope, nope, nope. But yeah, I was hoping if that were the case, it would just, you know, fill up the verses get bigger. Because there was already a lot of space in there, anyways. But I mean, I remember I I think the struggle was, oh, I you know, I always wanted a breast reduction. It was always even to get a consult way back when here through the plastic surgeon's office, through my work, it was, oh, you're basically you need to lose weight first because your BMI is too high because of insurance. And if that were the case, I'd still be waiting because I'm still not under the amount they wanted me to be under. But yeah, then I realized I was like, no, I want them off completely. I don't like them. Yeah. Yeah, like I remember it was like maybe a B. And then later it was like, oh, maybe an A. At one point you were like, I want to be able to like, I think you d wanted to be able to not wear a bra at all. Right. And you're like, well then why have boobs? And I was like, it was one of those things where like you're scared to admit to yourself, what does that mean? And things like when I went to the doctor and I said, like, I need to start documenting my back pain, my neck pain, my headaches, the indents on my shoulders from my bra, and you know, I would get rashes under my boobs, all this stuff. And I said, I wanna, I need to document this stuff now, so I have record of it for insurance, bullshit. I was like, Yeah, I I want a reduction. And she was like, She said something about all the way off or what how how small or something. Like, and it was almost like making sure, kind of like, oh, you're not talking about just cutting them off, right? Or I don't know. But it was like, oh no, no, no, just just a reduction. Like, let's not jump to conclusions here. Kind of like when your mom asked you if you were gay all those years ago, and it was like, no, no, no, no. It's like even though like somewhere in your head you know it's like the thought is too scary to admit, yeah. It's exactly. Exactly the same playing field. Yeah. I was like, no, no, no. I don't want to just like cut them off like top surgery, although that sounds kind of great. You know, I had to sit on it, and it was actually a good thing they didn't take me for a consult because I would have ended up having two surgeries. Because yeah, insurance does play a role in how big or small you can go, yeah, which is so dumb. But also when you get a reduction, or even implants, they're gonna tell you like, you know, let's look at your body proportion and and this and that, and it's like, oh, we can only really go down to a B or whatever, and like I'd still have to wear a bra. I'm like, no. Yeah. Oh no. Honestly, even if you had an A, you'd still most people still wear some kind of bra. Yeah. So I mean it all looked out because I did my research, realized that I did not want them. And it's also like you don't know what like you really need to do your due diligence and look at surgeons and their before and after photos. And I started seeing pictures that were normalizing top surgery, even for non-binary or even just cis women who just don't want boobs anymore or you know, for whatever reason. I think we talked about this in the previous episode too. The different doctors treated it differently too. Correct. So you specifically found a doctor who was calling it top surgery, whereas the doctors you were talking to here, it was considered a mastectomy. Yeah, they I mean, if you submit it through insurance, they code it as a double mastectomy. Yeah. But in my situation, it was due to gender dysphoria, which is basically saying, hey, this is hurting me having them attached to my body. It is not cosmetic, it is necessary. But many doctors will classify it as a mastectomy, and people associate mastectomies with cancer. Did you find any doctors in our area that called it top surgery? No, and even my doctor, they're gender-affirming surgeries. And she calls hers, well, she has her torso masculinization surgery. I think she calls it top surgery or chest surger. I forget what it I maybe it is just top surgery. I don't know. But when I found her and that she specializes in gender-affirming surgery, not just quote, cosmetic plastic surgery, even though she does that too, but her main focus, especially now, is all gender-affirming surgeries. They take the time to ask questions, do what's right for you, not just your body, but your mental state. And that's what you really need to look for when you're getting that kind of surgery, because you need someone who is going to listen to you, not go based on what insurance companies say. And looking at pictures, she always says, like, I, you know, I encourage you to come in with pictures that you found, either from my site or another surgeon, or just, you know, Google search, whatever. And she's like, Those are my those are my favorite things to go over because it's what do you want your body to look like in your mind, and let me make that happen. And yeah, which is something that if you would have gotten surgery here, they might not have done, especially because they were classifying it as a mastectomy. That's a much different surgery than top surgery. Correct. Because yes, both you're removing the breast, but they're not trying to make it look how you want it to look. They're just getting rid of the boobs because you know, there's a chance of infection. So it's get them off the body. Well, with my surgery, also like scar placement is taken into consideration. It's below the pecs. She does encourage you to work out your chest before your surgery as much as possible. Probably helps her put the scar in the right place. But also, if you say, like, I want my pecs to really stand out, or I want to look as smooth as possible, or these are my goals, because she has pictures of just women who may or may not be like non-binary or trans whatever, but you know, women, and they go full top surgery, flat chest, and I mean it's just she she stresses on no two people are gonna be exactly the same. And that's fantastic. But also, you need to look at the little things like do I want nipples? Do I not want nipples? Do I need to have nipples? And looking at pictures and normalizing both are important. And I looked at a lot of chests. Luckily, she has a ton of pictures on her website. I was like, you know what? I don't need them. What do I need them for? If I want them, I can get them tattooed. Yeah. Well, and the healing process is different. Healing process is different. It's not a hundred percent that they're gonna stick. It's I mean, very rare, but when you see the progression of the healing process, they look like they're gonna fall off. And she'll even admit you can get them as close to aesthetically pleasing as possible. But like even with my scar, things happen, and like I have a section of my scar that's just a little like zigzagged because uh it wasn't healing as quickly, and that can happen. But she's like, if you get them tattooed, you can get them tattooed perfectly. Yeah. And put them wherever you want. Okay, so let's rewind. If we go back to let's say your twenties, maybe even your teenage years, back then, how did you feel about your boobs? Hated them. I thought if I got boobs, my stomach would look smaller, if I'm being completely honest. I was like, oh, once my boobs fill out, maybe I'll look skinnier. I mean, that's not untrue because I remember telling you, like, oh man, you're lucky your boobs stick out further than your belly. Because now that's always been something I was self-conscious about, and mine have always been smaller, so it's like Well, I remember your mom when we were discussing how much we all weigh one time. She was like, You do not weigh that much. I was like, Yeah, it's not all in my boobs, trust me. But because they were so big, they distracted a little bit. I mean, I look at pictures, I'm like, oh my God. Well, yeah, just being everywhere. But the first thing I said after like the day after my surgery was like, oh my god, like I feel like it's concaved because my stomach, I could see it. Yeah. Like it was being hidden by my boobs this whole time. So did you because I've heard people say that like they hate their boobs and they like don't want them on their body. Was that like how you Yeah, all the time. Yeah. One because I they I mean, they got in the way. I don't think people realize I mean, people with big boobs realize, but all the things that it they complicate. Like, I never wanted them to be on my body and look perfect. I'm like, just get off. Like, there were times when like it's the it's the one and only thing that I felt trapped inside my own body because of them. One, because everybody noticed them. Lots of jokes would be made about them, me included. Like, that's how I would go about it. I'm just like, oh, like sorry, my titties like got away from me or whatever, like couldn't lay on my stomach, couldn't run, couldn't shoot baskets, I remember because I remember you back in the day when we were going to tanning beds. Didn't you have to like move them and you'd have like marks on your arms from somebody fell to the side or something? Either you or somebody else asked, like, why do I have these sections on my arm on my inner arms? Why isn't that tanning? And I'm like, because my boobs flop over to the side, like they're humongous and like they were heavy. I noticed a relief with that immediately. And people are shocked because it was so much weight that was being carried around. I wanted them off my body so bad. And it was annoying that I had a doctor's office tell me I can't even come in and talk about it because I'm too fat. Well, and I know there are people who don't want their boobs who use binders. And when you have smaller boobs, like not to say it's not still going to be uncomfortable to wear a binder all the time. But it makes it a lot easier to bind them and have them flatten out. When you have boobs as big as yours were, I remember you buying some binders right at the end. You got something. Yeah. About one. Yeah. But your boobs are so big, it's like they where were they gonna go? When you have smaller boobs, you can literally like push them against your body and cover them up and make it uniform. Mine just went down. There was no pressing against anything because they were like big water balloons. But I I remember I was just like, I I would get like pissed because they were on my body. That's when I knew, like, that's how I knew a thousand percent I was never gonna regret it. And I was like, this is this is going to help me live my best life having them off. Well, and it's interesting to me because you know, there's people like you who hate their boobs, who don't want them, don't want them on their body at all. There's people like me who, yeah, I used to like my boobs. They added a nice little feminine touch. They served their purpose and now they're here. They're like but I'm also not like super attached to them. Like recently I did the test for the Bronca gene, which if you don't know what that is, it's like a cancer indicator. So like breast cancer is more common. There's also a bunch of other cancers. And luckily I tested negative, but I said from the beginning, I was like, if it comes back positive, I'm getting them off because I'm not attached enough to them to care. For me, it was like, no, I'd rather have a chance of cancer off my body than worry about it. And I don't think I would get like we had a friend who did reconstruction after having breast cancer, and she went through so many infections and years she just seems out like yeah, not too long ago so much, and I was like, that it's not worth it to me. I don't care what people think of my body enough to want to have them there. So but then there are people who really do care, and like I get that too because And trans women, yeah, who need to have them built from spray. Yeah, I mean, because it's like when you think of a woman, of course, like there's breasts on the body, so it's like I get it. Like if that's what makes you feel feminine, that's fair, but I'm somewhere in the middle. It was too much. Yours were like beyond feminine. It was like they were out of fucking control, their own entity. I don't know how women have boobs that big and just live in their body with those. I mean, I hated mine. Hated them. They were ugly. We're gonna wrap this episode up right there. If you have any comments about boobs, we'd love to hear them. You can find us on Instagram at the stories we leave you. Go follow the show, give us a like, and we hope to see you next time. Okay, bye. Bye.