Don't Jump
Don’t Jump is the Reddit recap podcast about all things work - the wins, the weird moments, the politics, the promotions, and the “wait… is this normal?” moments.
Each week, Simone and Sam pull real stories from Reddit and break down what’s actually happening in the workplace and how to navigate it all with clarity and confidence.
Smart takes. Safe space. Zero corporate jargon.
Don't Jump
My Coworker Demanded My PTO Because She Has Kids | Workplace Horror Stories
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Do parents deserve special treatment at work?
This episode explores the tension between coworkers, families, and workplace expectations when kids enter the conversation.
We'll discuss:
- PTO conflicts between parents and childfree coworkers
- Pressure to participate in office traditions
- A couple arguing about how paid leave should be used
The bigger question:
Where’s the line between empathy for parents and unfair expectations on everyone else?
Hit follow for more cozy, chaotic Reddit dives every week.
Welcome back to Don't Jump, the podcast where we talk about how much we hate working.
SPEAKER_02Because working fucking sucks.
SPEAKER_01I know. We saw mountains and trees and water and we said Salesforce! Liter literally! Literally. I don't know who Okay, I'm I'm already stressed? I'm already going off on like a deep internal tangent.
SPEAKER_02Let me have it.
SPEAKER_01Because I'm like, life is about family.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Food.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Love.
SPEAKER_02Uh-huh. Fucking.
SPEAKER_01The pursuit of happiness.
SPEAKER_02I was doing the alliteration because you said family. Oh, I got it, I got it, I got it.
SPEAKER_01Speaking of all those things.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, my favorite things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I just came back from a baby shower. Yeah, my best friend in the whole wide world is having her first baby.
SPEAKER_02You know where babies come from?
SPEAKER_01Fucking. Yeah. And the family was there and the food was there, and it was so beautiful and wonderful. And we were talking about um her leave, how she has to still she's fucking huge. She looks like a whale, the most beautiful whale, but she is like huge, waddling, and it's so uncomfortable. I'm like, hey, don't go to work. She's like, I have to because whatever her PTO structure is, like, she's taking some PTO so that she can have a longer leave or whatever. She's trying to hack the system, so she physically has to be fucking huge and like go. Go to the office? Yeah, she's an in-office employee.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, Florida.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Florida stuff. You know, we don't have rights over there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So it got me thinking, okay, wow. Corporate sucks for us all, but it probably really sucks for parents. Yep. I because I remember being just a bad kid and my mom still having to go to work. Oh my god, we got into screaming matches in the morning. Go to the bus stop. I don't want to. She has to do all of that, dress those kids, those badass kids, and still get in her car and make that commute to do her little tax stuff, her little accountant stuff. Not fun. Not fun. Do you remember mornings with your mom?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I used to give her a lot of grief. But it wasn't even that I could give her grief because it was so early that neither of us had the energy to give each other grief. But I had to ride the bike about a mile to my bus stop. That's kind of really far. Yeah, I'm like your ancestors. Like, you know, those stories people tell where it's like I had to live. With the water, the bucket of water on the head. That's real indigenous of you. We had bobcats, we had wild boars. One time I got to the bus stop in the morning and there was a dead wild boar there, and someone was getting dropped off by their parents, and the parents saw it and was like, Well, good thing it's dead.
SPEAKER_01Samantha is from a different part of Florida.
SPEAKER_02I'm from South Florida.
SPEAKER_01I guess. I'm from Miami, which is like actually South Florida. I don't have fucking boars.
SPEAKER_02It was a golf course, so it was also like a nature reserve, so there were alligators, bobcats, boars, snakes, all the things.
SPEAKER_01Okay, in this story, I kind of feel more bad for you than your mom.
SPEAKER_02And it was dark because I'm putting the bus up at like five in the morning because I had like the bus picks up super early, and it's like I'm riding my bike and this shit is dangerous. Yeah, no. Yeah, thank you.
SPEAKER_01Um, I feel like if your mom was late dealing with you in the morning, and she had to call her boss, sorry, I'm dealing with kids' stuff. Do you think that's like a fair excuse? Do you feel like if co-workers pulled up, but I have kids, that that's valid and fair?
SPEAKER_02I think it's valid and fair because when I have kids, I'm gonna do the same shit. Sorry, they gotta I gotta sign off at two, gotta take the kids to shit. What do they say? Pick the kids up from daycare, pick the kids.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, from from from not minigolf. What are they? What am I what am I thinking of? Tiny tops. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Boy Scouts. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I'm not planning on having kids, but because I'm a like pretty chill, perfect person, like I don't care. Like you have work things, you have just live your life, so that's fine. But I am curious about your thoughts on vacation, annual leave, and if parents should have priority over non-parents in the workplace. Oh, that was so that was so easy. I wonder if that'll change if one you have kids. It won't. Okay, so honestly, the first story, this user is now deleted. I wonder if that's related. They got bullied. In the am I the asshole? Am I the asshole for not giving up my annual leave slot for my colleague with children?
SPEAKER_02I think I've heard this one.
SPEAKER_01Have you? This girl stays on Reddit.
SPEAKER_02I love Reddit.
SPEAKER_01Okay. I am not sure about other companies, but in the company I work for and in my department, when more than two people apply for the same leave slots, we decide who gets slots by drawing lots. So this year, I got the slot of my choice. Hooray! We do this at the start of every year. That's an interesting waited.
SPEAKER_02You have to pre-plan your PTO at the time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and then you have to like pull sticks. What the hell? Okay. Okay. The past two years have been really mentally and physically exhausting for me, and I'm looking forward to spending some quality time with my family and my friends overseas in June, where it is holiday season in my country. The problem is that another colleague that chose the same time slot as mine did not get what she wanted, and it was possessively dropping hints that I should give up this thought as she has to spend time with her husband and four children. An example would be we're having lunch. She would sit uncomfortably close to me and show me her children's pictures and talk about how she wants to bring them overseas and blah blah blah. Another time she was in a foul mood for god knows what reason, looks at me, starts frowning, and says stuff like, You don't even have children, so why do you need that slot? Okay, so that's not even passive aggressive. That's aggressive. She's literally saying, Bitch, what the fuck? That's active aggressive. Right. Eventually I had enough of being nice and told her that I won the ballot fair and square. That if she feels unhappy about it, go to HR and complain about it, which she obviously won't do because it'll make her look really petty. Now she is going around bad mouthing me all the time to my other colleagues and still pestering me about it, and it's been four months, and it's taken my irritation to another level. Was I the asshole here, or should I write her up to HR for harassment?
SPEAKER_02This is exactly why I wanted to do this podcast with you. Because it's people like that that make working bad. Like working sucks. Flat statement. That is a true statement for me, in my opinion. That said the reason working sucks is because of dumbasses like that that act that way at work. Right. Because the issue here isn't that the lady with kids didn't get the slot that gave her the slot she needed to see her kids or whatever the fuck is going on.
SPEAKER_01Vacation in June with her four kids.
SPEAKER_02Okay, whatever. But like, why can't they both be off at that time? Are there not enough employees? Do they literally only have two people doing one job function so only one of them can be off at a time? Is it that the company has just done this forever and doesn't want to change because they don't want to change because it works? Like, the issue here isn't that OP got the slot that she wanted. The issue is that the company needs to make an exception so that the lady can see her kids. If that is literally the only time that she can see her kids, hang out with her kids, a vacation with her kids, whatever with the fucking kids, you should be able to go to HR, go to your manager and say, Hey, I know I didn't get this slot. I am not saying this because I want the other person's slot. I'm just letting you know that I actually really need that time off when I put it in at the top of the year for June. When I put the time in six months in advance, I put it in with the expectation that I'd be able to take that time because it's the only time that I'm able to do this thing.
SPEAKER_01And this is why I'm so happy we do this podcast because I mean, is common sense not so common? Because that sounds like the best way to approach things. Your co-worker is not your enemy, they are the enemy. They are the enemy. There is a clarification on OP's post. They say, I see many of you saying that the balloting system leaves a sour feeling in those who didn't win, but we have no choice as we are all essential workers and we cannot have too many people on leave at the same time. Too many people and two people are different things, so I just feel like this system is inherently flawed, and essential or not. Another question I have is Did you plan the vacation? Pick another weekend in June.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Pick another weekend in June. Why does it have to be this weekend? I this guy is saying it's a holiday in his country. Maybe they're from the same country. Maybe, maybe there's content.
SPEAKER_02We're all off for summer vacation in like June.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that is that is that is true. Um, we have comments on the threads essentially saying, no, you're not the asshole. This person is unwell.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Esmeralda Wilde says, NTA, not the asshole. Already said it on another post. We need to stop this movement that people with kids get anything they want and have the priority on everything. No, we child-free people have lives too. Amen. I I I get that. I think it's that was a little like point pointed. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Esmeralda has been annoyed by Kathy's kids a few. But hey, yeah, when I was still in office, the amount of times I got sick from parents who are sick from their kids, I'm just saying I understand it. You are a parent, your kid is gonna get you sick. When I have kids, um, if my boyfriend ever puts it in there, um, when I have kids, yeah, I uh expect to get sick. It's gonna be part of I know it's part of parenting, you know. Um personally, if I have an office job at that point Wait, did I tell you something?
SPEAKER_01My same friend who is having a baby, her family and they have some younger kids, literally the baby gave her and her boyfriend hand foot mouth disease. They do that. What the fuck is that? I had to Google it. Guy, that is a real disease. You know how I know what it is?
SPEAKER_02Because you got it. FSU.
SPEAKER_01Wait, adults in college were getting hand-foot mouth done. So disgusting.
SPEAKER_02Fucking nasty.
SPEAKER_01I'm curious to know about your thoughts on that final piece of this post that asks, Am I wrong to go to HR? There's a comment under this thread from Nyland Knott that encourages OP. Says, I would contact HR because her irritating behavior is gonna turn into harassing behavior.
SPEAKER_02Maybe it's the people pleaser in me. I don't know if I would go to HR. I don't think it would be wrong for the person who wrote this to go to HR. Like, I think that is 100% within their right. The person who commented that this could turn into harassing is also 100% correct. I just think for me personally, I'd probably just take it because in my head I'd be thinking, Oh, I'm going on a vacation in June and you're not.
SPEAKER_01That is true. Like, at the end of the day, you win. No, I will say to wrap this up, uh, Bianca the disco gives really helpful advice. And yes, I agree. Maybe HR going to HR is a little extreme. Probably the last step. Um, but this commenter says consider one directly asking her to stop pestering you and respect that you have vacation plans. Let her know. Two, if she continues to go and bother you, you will speak to HR. And then finally, if she continues, go to HR. Her family and holiday plans are not more important than yours. 100% I think that sums it up pretty well. We are all people, you're not a a more important person just because you produced people. I wasn't there when you pushed out those four kids that had nothing to do with me. Take that up between you and your husband and the and the Lord.
SPEAKER_02And guess what? Someone produced you, someone produced me, and maybe I'm using my vacation to see the person who produced me.
SPEAKER_01Udo reverse. Yeah, UNO reverse. Speaking of, you know, those really horrible mornings with my mom yelling, screaming. Do you think the second she got to work she had like a workplace best friend and they're just like bitching about their kids? Do you think parents use the workplace as the safe space to complain about their tiny humans?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because I don't know if my mom was doing it or your mom was doing it, but I know that when I've been at jobs in office, or maybe I'm like traveling for something for work or whatever. The first thing other people bond about the fucking kids. Like Did your kid get into this pre-K? Did you do pre-K? Yeah. Oh, what are you gonna start your kid at eight in age eight or age nine? Or da da da da? Do they take the bus? Do you drive them? Do you allow sleepovers? Do you do the they just wanna talk about them fucking kids? Which is fine, because it lets me stand there quietly and play on my phone, but like they're gonna talk about them kids.
SPEAKER_01Ironically, I guess it's because for the most part, as long as you're not saying anything inflammatory, kids are a safe space. Like it's a neutral how's little Timmy doing? Yeah. I heard science gets rough fourth grade. How's he doing? And then they bring in those Girl Scout cookies, and then you're expected to buy a box, but that I don't mind at all.
SPEAKER_02I bought like$120 worth of Girl Scout cookies from the president of my company at one point, and I ate them for a year because I froze them.
SPEAKER_01Uh the thin mints? Were you the one who told me thin mints taste so good in the fruit? Samoas. Samoas are delicious.
SPEAKER_02But I hate them now because I ate too many.
SPEAKER_01That's how you have to that's how you have to do it. Yeah, so I guess my question to you is should co-workers be expected to participate in kid-related activities? Like no. Okay, so you actually bought the cookies because you wanted the cookies, not because you wanted to suck up. I fucking love Samoas. Okay.
SPEAKER_02If anyone wants to send me some Carmel Delights, I'll send you my peel boxes.
SPEAKER_01What's Carmel Delights? I don't think I've had that one.
SPEAKER_02Carmel Delights are Samoas. It depends if you're in the Eastern Hemisphere, they're called one thing. If you're in the Western Hemisphere, they're called the other. I didn't know that.
SPEAKER_01They're so so delicious. They're so good. They are. Okay, so our next story is an interesting one. I have my opinions. I'm curious about yours.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01In Am I the Asshole, No Ear 7988 is asking. Am I the asshole for not choosing to participate in Bring Your Kid to Work Day?
SPEAKER_02No.
SPEAKER_01No. Okay. Long story short, my company did a Bring Your Kid to Work Day today. For the most part, I see my job as something that's separate from my personal life. That being said, I do talk about my personal life at work, so it isn't a clear separation. When Bring Your Kid to Work Day came up, I decided not to bring my kid mostly because I just wanted to work and I didn't want to deal with bringing my kid to work with me. Some coworkers think I'm an asshole for not giving my child an opportunity to see my workplace and what I do and the opportunity to be introduced to the company. My wife said it would have been nice if our kid got to see what daddy does at work. But what I but what I do cannot be dumbed down enough for a kid cannot be dumbed down enough for a kid for a bring your kid to work day. If I brought my kid, I'd have no work done at the end of the day. And I didn't see any merit in having him do arts and crafts using the company logo. My kid is indifferent with a slight lean to upset because of FOMO, but we do other parent bonding things, so they did get over it pretty quickly. Thoughts.
SPEAKER_02I feel like OP is not. Was this an am I the asshole?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, am I the asshole?
SPEAKER_02I don't think OP is necessarily an asshole, but there's two ways to look at it. There's the side looking at it from like the workplace side, like as a colleague, coworker, participating in bring your kid to work whatever fucking day. And I don't think there's an issue there. I think that's totally fine. But finish your thought, because I know where you're going. From the family side, from like literally introducing your kid to what you do, even if you can't dumb it down, you just let him sit there and watch you do excel from the side of giving your kid an opportunity. I wish I had been brought to someone's workplace as a kid. Absolutely. I only saw that in fucking movies and TV shows. I didn't find out until recently that people do that for real. Like from the side of your wife's POV of like you couldn't bring your kid with you for one day. You're it's literally bring your kid to work day. He's a prick.
SPEAKER_01You're a prick for that.
SPEAKER_02Your productivity dropping for one day is fine because everyone's bringing their kids to work. Love your child. Okay.
SPEAKER_01Let him make the arts and crafts out of the logo.
SPEAKER_02And then leave early because the last bring your kid to work day. I experienced all the parents said around one o'clock, yeah, gotta get him, gotta get him home. Yep, yep, yep. They're getting cranky. They dipped. Nap time it was all the singles left in the office at three o'clock. We did too.
SPEAKER_01I actually did participate in Take Your Child to Work Day. You went to work with Mama Valerie and it was so much fun, and I actually have a very vivid memory of that day.
SPEAKER_02It's a core memory.
SPEAKER_01It was a core memory. I think for the kid, of course they would be bothered. All their other school friends are going to the firefighter station or seeing mama do her clickety clack on the computer. Like, oh my god, or if you took them to a hospital, like I had a uh one of my coworkers, like one of my peers, my classmates, their parent was a nurse, so they got to like hang out and that is like a really fun thing to do, and it the onus is on you, even if it is not fun and boring, to make it fun and like be a father, so and how else are kids really exposed to potential jobs exactly until literally when you're doing college applications like okay, what do you want to do?
SPEAKER_02Pick a major. Exactly. I don't know, because my dad didn't take me to his office and tell me what he does, so I don't know if I hate it or I love it.
SPEAKER_01And now your kid is a bum, and that's on you. Your fault. Yeah. User deleted commented saying, I was on the fence until I read the phrasing dumbing down. You are the asshole. You seem to take a lot of pride in your job. How about priding yourself and being an awesome dad who's happy to give his kid a great child parent experience instead? No company expects anyone to do any real work on Bring Your Child to Work Day. Hello. Most comments agree. They're like agreed. I think most people are missing the fact that these days are special for the kids, not for the office. It's not like the kids are supposed to sit in a cubicle and watch you work. Yeah, man. It does sound like he loves his job more than his child.
SPEAKER_02And those are the people who are forcing us back to the office because that person when was this posted? Seven months ago. It's very it's very fresh. Well, the version of that post that was written five years ago, that person is now a VP and they are pushing for a return to office because they hate their family.
SPEAKER_01It they hate their family. They're the you know, I never understood that I hate my wives' jokes.
SPEAKER_02It's not funny.
SPEAKER_01It's it's not funny, like there are really people who escape, go to work to escape because they hate the family unit that they were the active participant in building. Like, that's on you, bro. And then in 10 years she's gonna have a midlife crisis and he's gonna leave her anyway, and then yeah, and daddy wasn't there for me on Take Your China Work Day, he was never there for me.
SPEAKER_02At this point, divorce. OP's wife real estate divorce him, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so it it is interesting because it's twofold. Yes, you you're not the asshole to not wanna participate in corporate BS shenanigans, but you are a terrible parent, and the vast majority of Redditors agree with that. And this guy was voted um the asshole. They're very upset about the phrasing dumbing down, like which he there's like this superior complex. Like, children are also people, they're here for the first time right now. Hello, hello, you were new at something. I also I would just would have flexed like this daddy is so cool. Daddy does X, Y, and Z. I just pick it up. Yeah, make it up, man. Father of the year. I keep thinking about my friend having that baby.
SPEAKER_02Picturing it.
SPEAKER_01Well, not like the violent act of birth, just how it really does change your life. Like immediately. Yeah, it's like boom. I mean, I guess you're growing and cooking the thing for nine months, but uh life substanti like in every way it changes. Um because now you can't just like go to Greece, right? You have to be strategic about your paid time off. But do you think it's a smart thing or a foolish thing to take your paid time off to catch up on work stress, life stress, things you need to do, or is PTO meant for Greece? It's meant to be on D on a beach with a margarita.
SPEAKER_02My political my politically correct answer is that PTO is for whatever you need it for. So if it makes your life better, if it makes you happier to take PTO, to use it to catch up on life things, work things, etc. That's you. For me that said, fuck that. Alright, if I'm taking PTO, I'm either hibernating in my house because I'm taking it to rest and reset, or I'm fucking out of here. I am somewhere. I am doing something. If I am at the point where I am so overwhelmed with work, with my life, with chores that I am considering taking PTO to catch up, I am getting stringent as fuck about my sleep schedule. I am going to bed at 10 p.m. and I'm waking up at 6 a.m. on the dot every single day. And from 6 to 9 until I have to start my job, I'm spending those three hours catching up on my shit until it's caught up on. And then I'm taking PTO and I'm fucking going somewhere.
SPEAKER_01So I want everyone to take note about how passionate her take was because I think it's gonna change by the end of this Reddit story. I think so, or I think you understand the nuance of people with children, how it sucks.
SPEAKER_02Put them back in.
SPEAKER_01How it sucks, but it also might change your perspective on what that would look like for you if and when you choose to have.
SPEAKER_02Put the kids in a doggy hotel.
SPEAKER_01Oh, really? So you even think like fuck those kids. PTO is we're on vacation. Well, bring the kids. What if they have like a soccer game and like that's what you're doing today?
SPEAKER_02You're not I'm not taking PTO for the game.
SPEAKER_01You're not taking you not taking PTO. Okay.
SPEAKER_02Is the soccer game during the workday?
SPEAKER_01I don't know.
SPEAKER_02I maybe like if it's during the workday, this is this is my moment as a parent. Hey guys, I gotta leave at one. I got a soccer game. Oh my god, Samantha would be such a great dad. If I ever have kids, pray you're not my colleague.
SPEAKER_01Literally, gotta go, little Timmy. He's goalie championship. Tell me if you need anything, but I won't have my laptop. Okay, so in today's final story, coincidentally, also on Am I the Asshole? Okay. I spy a beast. Ask, Am I the Asshole for requesting my husband to go on paid leave at work, or else I was going to my mom's? Okay. I 33 female am pregnant for the first time. My opinion has changed. I can't do it. I fucking knew it. It's a pregnancy. It's a pregnancy. That's different. I said, kids, baby. I said, is there anything that would change? You said no, fuck that, fuck da. I'm sending my love. I'm changing. You went on a five-minute tangent. I am 33 female and pregnant for the first time. I'm eight months pregnant and getting closer and closer to my due date. I'm supposed to be on bed rest. My husband, though, works very long hours, sometimes close to a 16-hour workday. He's a hospitalist at a hospital nearly an hour away. I love my husband. We've been together since high school, but he is never home. He works seven days a week. Some days are shorter than others, but my husband has an issue with picking up and staying. He's very passionate about his work. The times he is home, he's mostly sleeping or does a little cleanup of the house. Since I've been placed on bed rest, I have decided I will be staying with my mother till I give birth so I could have a little extra help. And my husband wouldn't have to come home and clean up after me. At this point, I have to have someone stand by me when I shower. I don't want to put that on him. When I brought this up to my husband, he was deeply upset. He told me he didn't want me going, that he works that many hours and likes to come home to see me. I told him he'd either have to take his paid leave at work because I'm pregnant, or I was leaving. He got upset and said I couldn't make him choose between those things. And he said that he could take shorter days, but he worked an important job and couldn't just pick up and go. I told him he needed to because I needed him to. He's been upset for the past two days, and he still can't believe I gave him this ultimatum. And he says it wasn't fair to him. I think I'm being perfectly fair.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, she is, and also my opinion hasn't changed. My opinion hasn't changed because she's asking to go on paid leave, like paternal leave, right?
SPEAKER_01Like no, he's it PTO, because I think paternal leave. Wait, wait. Ooh, that's an interesting point. Because I thought you could only take paternal leave once the baby is here. She's asking for help near the end of her pregnancy because she's on bed rest. So there's no baby. She just needs she needs him off of work.
SPEAKER_02What I learned recently, because I was with people who were talking about their fucking kids is that at a lot of places the way paternal leave works is you get like a set amount of time and you can take it whenever basically. That's so interesting.
SPEAKER_01And I think that's in the state of California because my friend who's having that baby in Florida with my best friend, he gets none.
SPEAKER_00What?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he gets it's not illegal. Florida, like, and that's why Floridians end up the way they do.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, because they don't have rights.
SPEAKER_01They're in fatherless households. Yeah. Anyway.
SPEAKER_02Anyways, yeah. I just feel like what OP is asking for is a completely different set of circumstances. And uh the fact that her partner does not want to take paid leave, whether it's paternal leave or PTO right now, is not the issue. Yeah, the issue is that his ego is literally not allowing her to go to her mother's. Like she offered you a perfectly valid solution. You cannot, do not, will not take leave right now. Okay, I understand. You love your job, I love you, I want you to be happy, I'm cooking as a baby still, I'm on bed rest. Yeah. Solution? I go to my mother's where I can be on bed rest and be supported, and you can still work your job. Everyone's happy, everyone has what they want. No, I can't do that because you want to come home and see me?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You gotta fuck yourself. I was gonna be an apologist and be like, well, I get it because he wants to see his wife, and you know, but then I had to-time. No, uh, a thought occurred to me. Can't he just go to the mother's too? Can't they for a temporary amount of time take up house in a bedroom? I'm sure mother-in-law would embrace that over, you know, endangering the health and safety of her first grandchild. Yeah, that is a that is a interesting point that you make. It's unfortunate that it is an ego thing, and it's to me very clearly black and white. He's choosing his job over you. I don't understand why that ask got him so upset. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because also, okay, uh there's clearly some type of like provider mindset, which hey, uh nothing wrong with a provider mindset. Sure. But there's clearly some type of provider mindset at play here and also ego at play here. And it's like, okay, well, the issue at hand isn't that your wife is giving you an ultimatum of take time off while I'm going to my mother's. The issue is that your wife needs help. She literally cannot shower without someone standing there. If you are working, you cannot be there to stand there while she showers. So if you don't want her to go to her mother's, what are you doing all this work for? Can you fly her mom out? Like, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that maybe OP is saying like she has to go to her mom's who's far away. Maybe that's also why he's upset because he wouldn't be able to see her at all. Sure. Bring the mom to you. Yeah. Bring the mom there to help. Pay to get the mom there. You are the provider, you're the one working seven days a week. Seven.
SPEAKER_01What is a physicianist? Oh you a physician? Sounds British.
SPEAKER_02Sounds like some British.
SPEAKER_01Maybe he's a British physician. I don't know. But the comments agree with you, and I really do love women because they're just encouraging her, baby girl, if it doesn't feel right, you gotta do what's right. And they're just sharing a lot of scary near-death for themselves and their baby experiences because they didn't listen to the advice of a doctor. Um, a comment says, Your body is going through a lot. Giving birth is incredibly hard and stressful on your body. Your body needs time to heal. If the doctors want you on bed rest, then that's for good reason. Listen to them. Your husband should understand, he should also be supporting you and your decisions. You are gonna need so much help and support. I think staying at your mom's is the best idea. You'll be less stressed. She'll comfort you and care for the baby and you in many ways that you need. She'll make sure you eat and are being cared for. Ideally, your husband would want that set up for you as well. While I understand the love of his job, he needs to make you and the baby the priority. He shouldn't try and guilt you for wanting to do what's best for you and the baby. You are not the asshole.
SPEAKER_02When I have a baby, my mom is getting flown out, and she will be here until the baby says its first word.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean that's what community is. That's what first words. Wow, that's a little commitment. So again, I'm a baby of the family. I never touched a baby before. That is true. My god baby. I'm figuring out when I can go and see her post-the birth, whatever, and we're coordinating times because my friend's mom, who literally lives in the Philippines, is getting flown out to like hello, yeah. Like, it's an all hands-on deck situation. It should never be an ego, I need to provide, and this is not what a man does. Like, in many cultures, it's very normal to tap into the village, that's what they're for. Being a parent, it doesn't need to be any more isolating than it already is.
SPEAKER_02And this is his first test as a parent. Yeah, divorce, actually.
SPEAKER_01I mean, you know what, baby girl? Divorce him and then raise him on a commune of all of just women. Yeah. Because we know what's best. Doesn't that end like badly?
SPEAKER_02I think they just kill all women or something.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's not badly. That's great. Never seen the movie. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. See, they said it was like a whore. That's not a whore. Is that really how it ends? I need to watch just a movie.
SPEAKER_02No spoilers, but I'll tell you spoilers if you want.
SPEAKER_01No, no, no, because now I want to see it. Yeah, you read the Wikipedia. Oh, okay. Yeah. So if anybody wants to recap for us, what is Midsummar about? I know. I'm at the Wikipedia. Um, okay, so that is that is it for today's big questions about life, love, the pursuit of parenthood. No, family, friends, and fucking. Thank you for spending another episode with Sam and I. This is your reminder to not jump.