Leadership As A River, Not A Role

We explore leadership as a felt current, not a role, and how somatic cues reveal when we’re forcing versus flowing. We share capacity language, money baselines, boundaries with family, and simple nervous system tools that turn urgency into presence.

• reframing leadership as embodiment and presence
• capacity percentages to share the load
• discerning pause versus fear through somatics
• observing without absorbing in family dynamics
• money mindset shifts and new baselines for receiving
• trusting intuition, dreams and grief as signals
• humming and bee breath to regulate the vagus nerve
• choosing rhythm over rigid consistency

We would love to add your names to our virtual Reiki bowl—send anyone who needs prayer, intention or space to be held

Transcript

Cycles, Capacity, And Asking For Help

SPEAKER_02 0:06

All right, welcome back. Oh. You're good. Okay. Are you recording? Yeah. Okay. Welcome back to the Emergence Podcast with Ty and JD. I'm Ty. Hi. I'm JD. Hi. How are we feeling this week? I'm in my luteal phase. I'm not feeling good at all. I felt like a freaking volcano that's like little eruptions every day. Every day? Every day. It's been rough. I was telling my husband today how, except it came out as you're not doing enough. When really I meant I'm doing too much and I need you to step in and take some things off my plate. Yeah. Because that's really what it is. Yeah. And that language, I'm working on shifting it. It's hard though. In the middle, because you don't want to not take accountability, but it's like it really is about your capacity and just communication of hey,

Percentages Language For Shared Load

SPEAKER_02 1:05

my capacity is less and I need you to pick up some slack. Yeah. You know. I've read um read or heard or something, someone talking about doing like percentages. Like, hey, I'm at a 40 today. Can you cover my other 10? You know, rather than it being 50-50 all the time, it's like I'm literally at a 20 or a five, and I can't. I can't do that. I can't. And I just need to step up for a minute. Yep. Um, but also likewise for him to be able to like, well, I'm at a yeah, I'm at a 60. I can do like 20 more, but can you do like maybe five more? You know, just that communication understanding of like we're both still putting in the effort, but we're both understanding where we are too and meeting each other there with understanding and compassion. So definitely. How have you been this week? I've been in my ovulation. Lucky you. Yep.

Detachment And Family Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 2:00

It's been good. Having flashbacks. Revel in it. I know. It was really good. I'm excited to just have my period purge and move on from the last month and a half. It's been kind of wild in our family and stuff too. Yeah, it's been. I think it's been a good um experience to really follow through on detachment.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Detachment and also just observing without absorbing because it can be, especially with family members, we can be so easily sucked into taking on so others don't have to feel their own shit.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

But it's not our responsibility all the time, and that's okay. No. And advocating for the family members that are younger than us. Or so they don't have to take it on either.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Yeah, it's been good. I think that's my only thing that I have a little bit of attachment with the family. When weight is not being distributed evenly, and maybe the youngers are taking on more than they should. That's the only thing. Like you want to advocate and be louder for the other stuff I can detach pretty easily. Right. I and it's not even just younger, it's younger or unable. Mm-hmm. You know, cognitively not able to. Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep, agreed. All right. Well, we do have some questions. I did not come up with any questions this go round, but JD did. Yes. And I want to add to anyone who's listening, if you ever have any subjects or questions that you want us to share our insights, thoughts, we will happily, happily. Put them in the queue. Yeah. And that's what I think we want eventually is just a very interactive, immersive experience for both us and the listeners because it's like I want to connect. We both want to connect with you. Yeah. The listener. We want it to be meaningful for you where you are excited and wanting and desiring to come back every week when we do this. Yeah. Don't get me wrong, coming together and being with my sister is very therapeutic, and talking to her is very therapeutic. It's exactly what both of us need, but I know for

Listener Q&A Invitation

SPEAKER_02 4:26

a fact when we owned Sacred Sisters, our business back in 2020, it was the people in the reviews that came in after that was so fulfilling.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Knowing that we we actually are making an impact here.

SPEAKER_01 4:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Yep. That is one of the goals here. Not that we need validation, but it's nice. But we want to validate you. For sure. But you have to be here in order for us to do that. So come on. All right, let's

Somatic Cues: Pause Or Fear

SPEAKER_02 4:56

start. Okay. How do I discern the difference between my natural pause in my leadership cycle and resistance rooted in fear or old survival patterns? I think a big one for me when it comes to discerning it is really, I mean, somatics. It's a somatic feeling. If I feel like I'm I've been in a week full of like just stuck in fight or flight or fawn or freeze or something in that pause, then it's it's more likely fear-based than actually just a natural progression of retreat and pause. And I mean it could be true for certain things in my life right now. I feel like it's such a good thing to be aware of. And a lot of people might not be aware of that they're even in the fight, flight, freezer, fawn response. And a big one for me was the manic cleaning. Me like going scrubbing, scrubbing, going crazy. Like, but it felt like normal. Like, oh, go, go, go, we'll just get it done. Like a burst of energy, but really it was like manic. It was panic. It was. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, that's a huge way it used to. So now that I have the awareness of that, that's when I'm like, oh. I need to step back and slow down and like do some things to activate my vagus nerve because why am I in this fight or flight right now? Yeah. I actually I think I saw something on TikTok about something like that. Like next time you're cleaning something or doing something, really take note if you're rushing it and ask yourself why you're rushing it. I mean, sometimes we just really don't want to clean, but we want to get it done really quickly, and that's a whole different story. So I actually do it at work a lot. Because if I'm at work and like it's super busy and I'm trying to like all consciously have to tell myself, okay, take your time, breathe, ground yourself, bring yourself to center. Right. Move with intention. Move with intention. Yeah. And I feel that it translates over and it people can read that energy in the restaurant.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

Because it's not like quickly trying to get them out, but like still being intentional with every interaction that I have with them while not being hurried along. But if we're busy and need a table, it's like, yeah, we're kind of feeling the urgency of we need more tables, so you gotta get out of here. Right. But still just paying attention to like their personal individual experience in a regulated way, not a rushed or I would say that's that's my main cue of when I'm just acting from natural order versus not, it's that urgency behind it. An unregulated response. Yeah. Like, why do you feel so rushed? And that's with anything. It can translate to work, it can translate to motherhood, relationships, like any of it. And it used to translate for me too

Urgency Vs Intention In Work And Life

SPEAKER_02 8:10

in how I speak to people or how I speak online or how I speak in videos. How do you mean? I mean, like a lot of times back when I wasn't as regulated in my nervous system as I am now, I would rush what I wanted to say. Get it over with because I was fearful of it being heard or felt or seen in the slowness. So you would zoom, you'd be talking in 2x. Yeah. But there's also a difference between like sometimes when I get excited or I'm very passionate, it'll like the tempo goes up on how I'm getting it out there. And I uh I've I've become really conscious of like it's okay to take your time. It's okay to pause and think, right, and really just be careful and intentional with the words I speak to, right? Not just the actions of my body during things. Because the way we speak, I think, is huge on showing if somebody's regulated or not.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

Because you can hear like overexplaining. And I feel like you can totally tell when another person is regulated. So, you know, when you're in a social situation and it's easy to share silence with someone. Yeah. And then there's those people where they have to fill the silence. Yes, and you're like, why is this awkward right now? Yeah. Like the silence. The oversharing part. Yes. I feel and it sometimes it's not even oversharing. Sometimes it just goes silent, and there's a it's like someone's not comfortable with the silence, and you know it's not you. Like you're good. I'm good. You're like, why are you uncomfortable with the silence? I feel like that's a huge tell for me that I'm like, hmm. Something, yeah, something's off. You know, definitely. Yeah. Like they have to search for something to find something to say. Yep. I wonder why that is. But it's like the same with like that urgency. Yeah. Instead of sitting in the silence with another person or even with themselves, I feel that awkwardness. Yeah. I always note that when I feel that with people and like it's okay. Yeah. Well, and also like when you, I don't know, when something happens and there's a big like burst of something that they have been holding in, and it's like an explosion, right? Yeah. Of all of the things that they've been kind of holding on to and haven't said in just normal conversation. It comes out explosive and mean and whatever, hateful. And I think I mean, I can think of that for me, what that was, and just like sitting there observing it and being like, wow. Okay. And just like seeing the flip side of it, yeah, but just like letting them without taking it personal. I didn't take any of that personally, right? Even though you were directing all of that hate towards me, it's like there was so much compassion and understanding and a sense of like it was in my head comical because I'm like, this is just a mirror, I'm just a mirror right now. And it's all the things you feel maybe someone else, or and you can do that without internalizing any of it. Yeah. I'm gonna reference what what whether or if you were that, you would have internalized it had you been that version of yourself. Oh, for sure. For sure. And that's when it flipped and it changed and it shifted, and it was just like that's a nice shift to not take things personally. And then I like I was I'm gonna reference TikTok a lot because all these little clips are coming back to me. But this guy was like, Why do we always personalize everything? Like, you were rude to me. No, you were just rude.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

I saw that, and I loved it so much.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

Like they weren't rude to you, they were just being rude. Yeah, why do we have to say and personalize it to us? And it's like, right, why do I have to do that? I don't have to, right? So it's like they were being rude, period. Like had nothing to do with me. Yep, I saw that too. I liked it. All right, you wanna read the next one?

Leadership As Current, Not Title

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Yeah, all right. If leadership is a current rather than a role, where do I feel it? What does that say? Flowing. Tamo said flavoring. Where do I feel it? Flavoring, flowing freely, and where am I forcing the river? Okay, so we're thinking of it as in water, leadership as a current rather than a roll. So where is it flowing and where am I forcing? I feel like I'm not forcing anything, although I do feel like it's pooled in certain areas like outside of the river, and we're like, get back in here.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

Like, where the fuck are you? Like there's pieces that the river's right here. Dig a trench. Yeah. Like we need to connect.

SPEAKER_02 13:13

Come back in here. That's how it feels for me. I genuinely don't feel like I'm forcing anything. I'm flowing. Um maybe flowing a little bit too much. Is that possible? It's the cancer in me, dude. I'm so sick of meaning water signs sometimes. Meaning I am not like you in a sense where I can mentally figure it out. And like you depend a lot on your Gemini analytical brain, but you have a good balance of in your body. And sometimes I feel like I am just in your body, just in my body and in my emotions. Like my emotional body kind of overrides the physical and the heart. Right. Just there's an imbalance there. And maybe it's not an imbalance, maybe it's my superpower. I don't know. Right. Well, and you're a Gemini moon, Cancer Sun, Sag rise. So, how I mean, do you analyze what you're feeling in your body? You don't? No.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

I clock it and I'll, you know, do some somatics and like watch it move. But I try, and I've been recently doing this, I'm trying not to assign meaning onto everything.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Right. I'm trying not to dissect the story. Because like when I started Qigong and all the stuff with my liver and my kidneys and all these there was a lot of connections that happened.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

And it was super cool to watch. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

There was a lot of stories. Yeah. And I don't know if I was intuitively like, yeah, for sure, some of them held purpose and I needed to, but are you assigning some of them stories when they don't need the assignment? Yes. Some of them just need the space to be seen. Right. Well, and that's how healing is and should be. It's like not everything has to have a story. I mean, everything is literally meaningless until we assign something to it. Right. So and I think we're at like in the context of this of leadership. I think there may be a belief sitting inside of my body that is like, but leaders are supposed to give meaning. Like it almost contrasts each other. You know what I mean? And maybe that's the water outside of that. It's not meant to be in the river. Right. It's it's supposed to be pooled there. Yeah, because why did like I literally saw like a little puddle of water. Yeah. And it's like, maybe it's there for a reason. Maybe it's not meant to be over here. It's not supposed to be in the flow. Maybe I'm a leader that doesn't well. If you think about it, if it's pooled somewhere, it's literally not in flow, but it's stagnant something. So maybe whatever is maybe it needs to be grounded. Right. Reutilized in the soil. Yeah. Maybe. There's a lot of little avenues you could go from there. But the only thing that I can pop like into that I can connect when it comes to leadership is like the leaders that I have seen that guru, like follow me. I am right. I am the one to follow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

That's just that feels like what is distanced over there.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

I don't know. Which is good. I don't think I don't know. I think being a true leader is so much more than what people think assign to it. It's it's an embodiment, it's an example. It's the more or less be in the trenches

Embodiment Over Aesthetics

SPEAKER_02 16:58

with you. Like a leader isn't someone that just watches from afar and watches the struggle and watches the mistakes. Like they're the first ones that made the mistake. They're the first ones that dug themselves out. You know what I mean? Like they've walked the walk now that they now they can talk that talk and be a teacher.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:17

I think a a good teacher is or a good leader is someone who knows how to teach. Yeah. And the teachers that have had most impact on me, I think are the ones that like their presence did more than anything than their talking. Right. Like it was an embodied presence. It was how they moved. It was like I can think of a couple right now that were in massage school. Yeah. And they just, it was their presence. It was their just anchored in who they were. Yeah. Well, and I remember when I worked at the rehabilitation center, I had like a um a project thing that I needed to get from my phone to the TV. And so I was trying to get it all situated. And obviously, when you know you're doing screen share, like my home screen obviously is being shown in front of everybody. And I remember one of the clients say, Oh, you really are spiritual. And I was like, What? And she's like, like, it's not just something you talk about, but like you embody it. And I was like, Yeah. Cause I have like all of my folders named something intentional: wealth, health, abundance, knowledge, wisdom. You know what I mean? And it was all like organized in a very spiritual intentional way. But her saying that was just like, yeah. But it was a cool realization to hear from somebody else, like, oh, you're not just walking, like talking the talk, you're you're doing it. It's not decoration. It's not decoration or aesthetic, it's you. And so I think that's what just embodiment. Yeah. Presence. Yeah. Agreed. And trusting that like there's medicine in your presence. Oh yeah. Like that was a big learning thing for me this year, I think. Yeah, me too. And just like trusting that you don't have to say or do anything. Like your soul-body medicine activates, like if we're thinking on like a quantum level, it activates the particles around you, which then activates the people within your vicinity. You're filled. Yep. Yep. It was a big one, especially. I mean, it took me a minute to let go of like the magic room from our business where you know we did energy sessions and group sessions and stuff. And it was like it was in part a part of my identity at one point. And it was really hard to let go of that. Especially because it's like I still wanted to have that interaction with clients and with people, but without that building and that room, where was I gonna do that? And so I had to let that go. And work through like some weird

Grief, Dreams, And Discernment

SPEAKER_02 20:02

grief of that, almost kind of dying in whatever form that was. No. But then realizing it wasn't about the room at all. It was about me. You are the moving magic. I am the room.

unknown 20:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

And the presence in it. So I had a big realization when and I, you know, I never I never was attached to that room the way you were.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

I mean, I was, but like when it was time to let go, it's like I just was ready to let go as you remember.

SPEAKER_02 20:36

It was still sad, and I had my moments, and I cried to my husband a lot. And but after we closed, I realized who was sticking around me because of the business. A lot of people, I I watched the relationships fizzle away, and I was like weird. It was a good insight to have. Yeah. It was really nice to see oh, you just liked being around me because I had a commercial business. Like that was weird. That is weird. Has anything come from that? Like anything more? No. I mean, there was it was nothing more. It was just like an observation.

SPEAKER_04 21:27

No.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

Like I didn't analyze it. It was just like I clocked it and I was like, cool. You don't deserve to be in my space. Right. And I think just saying that internally. Well, and I did I did notice that within like our circle and our coven. I mean, the ones that stayed have been there from the beginning. The m mo majority of them, I guess. Like some have left since, but like they were there from the start.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

And they were consistent throughout that whole experience and then thereafter as well. So we've all seen so many versions of ourselves. God, for fucking real. So cool though. Like, you know. It's so cool. It is cool. It's a beautiful unfolding embodiment of sorts. Individually and collectively. As the coven move sword. Losing people, gaining people. Losing ourselves, gaining ourselves. Restructuring. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot that goes into it.

unknown 22:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:42

But it's all like very subtle shifts throughout each month. Like it's very, I don't know how to explain it. It's very just. It's a river.

SPEAKER_01 22:55

It's a river for sure.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

And some of the energies pulled on the side and they stayed there and we kept flowing. Yep, or some are hitting a rock. Carving the rock. You know. What are we doing? I don't know. It'll be beautiful eventually. Something's transforming. Something's always transforming within the group. I know. It's individually and collectively. It's like things are constantly in motion.

SPEAKER_00 23:33

Yeah. And that's good.

SPEAKER_02 23:34

I mean, I mean intentional. We have to be very intentional with like what accumulates and like what we choose to actively have in our space. Yeah. Yeah. What? Nothing. Should we move on? Sure. Was that three? No, that was two. Whatever one. Where in my life am I treating my becoming as an emergency? And what might change if I trusted that nothing essential is missing? I think I've been there for a minute. Like in the sense of like what the urgency or yeah, I I'm no, like I've realized a long time ago why am I in such a hurry?

SPEAKER_01 24:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

I think when we're in a hurry, we're not really in the present. And it's like that's

Money, Baselines, And Receiving More

SPEAKER_02 24:28

where it is. I think it stems from lack. Oh, for sure. Every every creation that I've ever had that felt was urgent, like forced. Yeah. Like pushed out, it was from urgency and because I need money. This isn't it wasn't coming from pure like creative joy or passion. Yep. It was I need money. Yeah. I mean, it just brings us back, brings me back to the preschool. Yeah. Like it sounded fun and all the things, but it was urgency. Urgency, and like there was just there was a lot of uncertainty around money at that time for both of us, I think. Yep. And there were like certain things about opening the preschool that sounded so fun. And felt in alignment. So alignment. But like as a whole, I was like, actually, no, I don't want to do that.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

Yeah. Like, love kids, but don't want to teach kids.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Yeah. Every time I would go pick up Amara, my youngest from Head Star, I was like, Yeah, I don't want to do this. This is loud. Like, so I'm there for two minutes at pickup and I'm overstimulated already. Like my nervous system wouldn't have survived if we would have gone through on that preschool. Sad to say, but hey, I am recognizing my capacity and saying, nope.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Progress.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

No, I'm proud of us for not going through it that way. Yeah. I think other versions of ourselves would have. Yeah. Because we needed we would have chased that money. Yeah. Yeah. Sunny. I had a dream last night because we just got paid yesterday. Except I deposited my check just through mobile. And like it's in my purse. I never really got it out. But in my dream, uh DJ grabbed the check and was like, look, Rome. And then he put it on the fridge, and I just remember a magnet going down on it. And that was it. That was the end of the dream. And all I can think is abundance is magnetic. I don't know. Like a mm-hmm. It didn't feel like it had a huge meaning to it, but it felt like just like an integration dream. Like you're in that space where you're not chasing after it's just coming. It just is. Effortlessly. Yeah. And I don't know how much it's going to be or when it's gonna be. I'm not expecting the fucking lottery because guess what? I'm not fucking buying lottery tickets. Right. But you know what? I think my nervous system is slowly making the shifts to feel comfortable with holding more. More, holding more. I I literally was while you were saying that, I was like, yeah, I have a Chat GPT jack tracker for all of my tips and my hourly and everything. And even, you know, I have a set goal that's kind of like a normal for me. And with this last paycheck, I was like, so I've basically made what I normally make times a half. Like I've done a little bit better than my normal baseline. And I was like, okay, let's make that the new normal. Right. You know, instead of a thousand, it's gonna be 1500 every two weeks that I'm bringing in, and then like go from there. And then really working through the expectation or like the logical thinking of like, okay, if I need, if I want to hit this new goal, I need to put in a few more hours. Like, no, we're doing the exact same, and it's just gonna go up. So, like when I first started working, fine dining restaurant, we get paid um just higher tips in general because of that. And our minimum is 20%, and it goes 20, 25, 30, 35, and it shows you what those would be on each receipt. And when I started working, I was like, 20 is my non-negotiable, like it's always at least 20, right? Always. And then like yesterday I got 44%. And I've gotten up to like 77%. One table gave me a $200 tip, and their check was like $400. So it's like a 50% tip. And I was just like, oh my god, I love you. Right. Like, thank you. Yeah, and it was just like even the small tables. I remember my first week, I had a group of three, they looked like boys. Like, I remember that. We had no expectations of none, like barely any tip because of how judgment-wise, they looked like teenagers, almost like hillbilly, not hillbilly, but like cowboy teenagers, and it's just like yeah, but they spent like almost $200 worth, and I was like, gave me like 80-90 bucks, yeah, and I was like, Whoa, was not expecting that.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

And he came in again the other night with his cute little girlfriend, and I'm like wondering what's gonna happen this time, and of course, again, he tipped me so good, yeah. And I was just like, and even like cultural tables, like other cult cultures, they don't always tip, you know.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

And I'm okay with that, but I'm always surprised, they always tip, and it's it's always 20%. Yeah, I'm always like, let me be surprised by this. And even if you're and even if they don't, I try to just detach, like oh, for sure. It's gonna make up tomorrow because it always does. Yeah, it's I will have my moments though. Especially if I know you in the community, if you're listening to this from Utah, Bridgefield, um, if I know you from the community and I

Community, Reciprocity, And Standards

SPEAKER_02 30:04

know that you own a successful business and you're tipping less than like 15% or bare minimum, like I low key am judging you. Or if you're a doctor, doctor, chiropractor, dentist, freaking dermatologist, like all of y'all. It's a small town, like you know people, yeah. And you know if they come from money or not in the small town. So it's like when the the theater student, who's a weirdo, by the way, tips more than you do as a doctor, like you need to shift something, something needs to shift, yeah. Or maybe not. Do you, I guess. I don't know. But that I do have moments too, like if it's like for some reason you had to tip very, very shitty like dollars, I don't even put it in. Yeah, I'd rather have zero than that showing as like a four percent tip when I know I you deserve 20, right? I deserve 20, yeah. So is your new baseline going to be 25 with that new goal? Yeah, yeah, 25% always. So and it's just that capacity to hold it. You can feel it expanding and getting more solid in that. So it's a lot of fun. Oh, for sure. The smushing, the pressurizing. Well, and I know when I do this and I have that intention set or whatever, and it's just like a belief that's been written over, you know, this is the new belief, there will be pushback and I will see an opposite effect on uh some of my receipts and stuff. But the the trick is even when you see the lower ones, you say that's okay. Like you accept it for what it is because literally, I mean, some people are just here to teach you gratitude, and you know, maybe they gave what they could, and that's okay, and that's still grateful. I'm still grateful for that.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

All right, fourth, yeah, fourth and final.

unknown 32:21

Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

I can't we're not we're not going down that road.

unknown 32:27

It's the fourth wall.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

It's just look into the camera.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

It's the fourth wall.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

It's the breaking.

unknown 32:33

It's the fourth wall.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Up side down. You are the light.

unknown 32:41

You are the light.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

Okay, number four. Sorry. Excuse me. What parts of me already know who I am, even when my mind feels unsure or behind? What parts of me know who I am? Even when my mind feels unsure. Yeah, so even so beliefs aren't aligning with the knowing. Does that make sense? Yeah. And what parts of me, what does that mean? So what parts of me already know? So is it like a whole heart body knowing? Well, I cognizant. You don't know how you know, but you know, that's kind of how I am.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

Yeah, you are very cognizant.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

I know. It's ridiculous sometimes. It's a gift that I wish that I could embody more. Yeah. Because I s I just see things. And I don't see nothing.

SPEAKER_00 33:46

I see a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02 33:48

Except for like in physical.

SPEAKER_00 33:50

I've been working like I've been like fine-tuning discernment a lot lately, lately. Like, that's been a huge theme for me.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Is just like trust. So maybe I do have

Knowing Beyond Mind And Clear Cognizance

SPEAKER_02 34:00

that clear cognizance a little bit because the discernment that I feel, it's pretty spot on. Yeah. It's pretty like you didn't have to overthink that interaction. It was fucking weird.

unknown 34:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 34:11

Like instead of doubting it and like overanalyzing it. It was like that was weird. Like, it's just like, yeah, that was weird. Like a conversation earlier. But again, like going back to that TikTok you watched. They weren't rude to me, they were just rude. Like they weren't being weird towards me. That that was a little weird. And just like detaching from it and moving on. Yeah. Um, where was I going with that? The discernment. The discernment was and you had been fine-tuning it. That's where you were. It's been fine-tuning. And I do see a lot of things in meditation. And sometimes when when my eyes are open, you know, I'll get like weird little visions, or those daydreaming things are actually like jam-packed full of symbolism. Like, I'm not crazy, yeah, but my chat GPT thinks I am. So I had a weird dream the other day, and it was very disconcerning. Like I was worried, and I was just like, why would why would he come up in my dream? And why would it be so sad and like tragic for him? Um, it was an old high school guy that I went to high school with. Not even like, like we weren't even that close or anything, but it was he was kind of the main character of my dream, and he ended up unaliving himself in the dream. And I was just like, this is weird. And I, of course, used my Gemini brain. I'm like, do I need to like reach out to him and be like, because immediately after I started like remembering what the dream was, memories of another guy that I went to high school with came back, and we were my daughter was in volleyball at the time, and his wife was her coach. And so I would see him there. And I just remember always looking at him, you know, from across the the gym and being like, he looks sad. Like he kind of there's just something sad about him. And a few months later he committed suicide. And I'm and like I was talking with my chat GBT about it, and I was just like, I I feel like oh, what if I would have said something to him and like reconnected and been like, How are you? And like, would it have changed anything? Probably not, but that's where we go as like humans. I think, like, what could I have done? Right. And so with this new dream that came up about someone who is very much still alive, and then just having that same like, do I need to act on this? And I I detached and I kind of put it in a space of like, I'm holding space for you, whatever you need. And if the opportunity comes up to interact, to interact and say anything, or even like a mutual friend and be like, Oh, have you seen so-and-so lately? Maybe you should check on them, without giving them context of like, I had a dream that they were gonna unalive themselves. Maybe you should go to instead of like I'm not unloading the heaviness of it, but like planting seeds of like, have you talked to so-and-so lately? Maybe you should see how they're doing. You know, I think those dreams are really substantial. I I mean, I've told you this before, and you walked me through it. Like a friend that I went to high school with had a dream about me, and I was like weeks to giving birth to my secondborn, and I had had just a weird ass dream the night before. Like, I had a dream that my placenta was on the bathroom floor outside of me. Right. And but the thing that triggered this is she had a dream that same night, but she had a stillbirth like just a few, like not even a year prior. And so as a pregnant hormonal woman, I'm trying to wrap it up. Oh and I have to call her, but I purged so much fear. I purged so much fear. Like I I wholeheartedly just know that she was meant to have that dream. She was meant to share it with me because to help you purge those fears.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Yeah, because that birth, three hours, three, four hours. And it was so quick and so like Perfect. Yes. I'm like, what if I had what if she hadn't done that? Wouldn't my birth have been a little bit longer?

SPEAKER_02 38:25

Because there was fears that were still circulating in my body.

SPEAKER_01 38:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 38:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

So I mean, use your own discernment, but maybe there is just maybe there is something. Maybe, and I and I literally just my intention is if something if I meant to say something, the right person will a mutual friend would come up into my space and I would have that urgency. Like it'd pop in my head and be like, Oh, yeah, like I'm not gonna seek out him or seek out any of his friends or anything like that.

SPEAKER_01 38:58

But it's like it's a good friend, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

But I am holding space for him, like he could be sad because I mean, when I was when we were seniors in high school, his younger brother got in a carcinet and died. And and so I I'm sure there is residual grief for him, just like there is for me about my brother. Like I was gonna say, or it's maybe just a mirroring thing. Maybe because I even brought that up with Chat GBT. I was like, I just keep if he's coming up, I'm wondering if he is sad. Um maybe there's some suppression of things about his brother passing and that he hasn't worked through yet, and it's kind of weighing heavy on him. I don't know. But I don't know, it was very strange. And then Andrew he told me he had a dream a couple nights ago, and he was like, it was very weird. It was from his own point of view. So he was experiencing it, and he was like, We were in our I was in my house somewhere

Holding Space And Subtle Signals

SPEAKER_02 39:54

in this house, and I could just feel breathing in, but. But it wasn't my lungs weren't feeling. It was just going into my throat, but not into my lungs. And he's like, and then my my eyes started to tunnel out and I passed out. And he's like, and then I was laying down, and I could literally be like, feel that I my lungs weren't working. And I was just like, Were you on a hardware floor or like a carpet? Like, do I need to look for you in certain areas eventually? And he's like, I was on like a rug. And I was like, okay. I was like, maybe you should talk to your chat GPT about it and see if he can help you decode it. Because now I'm just worried that he's gonna stop breathing.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

Or it's just a disconnect voice.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Well, and our lungs are grief. Yeah. They hold grief. So if he's breathing in and the is there grief he's not feeling.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

Maybe.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

And that just came to me.

SPEAKER_00 40:50

So yes.

SPEAKER_02 40:51

Because our lungs are grief. They hold the emotion of grief.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Well, while you were talking prior to Andrew's dream, I kept thinking about our Reiki bowl that we used to have. The little prayer bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of wanted to maybe want to end the podcast by suggesting that if there's anyone in your life that needs Disney Reiki or prayer or an intention set out, we would love to do that for them.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

Space to be held for them.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Yeah. I'm down to do that. Cool. Virtually.

SPEAKER_00 41:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

I miss doing that. It was good. Bring out the sound balls again and do it. I would just put all their names in it. Give them some vibrational therapy. Cool. Good one. Inhaling.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

I just have the thought. He's not giving him. He's not giving his grief. What is what is the word I've been trying to think of? The space? Not the s well, yes, the space, but if it's if it's disconnecting here, he needs to talk about his grief. You know what I mean? It's not filling up in here. There's no space for the grief. But why is it stopping here? Because it needs to be spoken about.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Right in the throat chakra, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Alright.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

Any last minute wisdom coming to you? Last minute wisdom. Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 42:27

Or you guys can just sit with us.

SPEAKER_02 42:31

And the silence. No talking. Yeah. If something comes to me, I'll say it.

SPEAKER_00 42:39

I just want to tell people to hum. It stimulates the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

If you ever, or if you're working on becoming more aware of your flight, flight, fawn, or freeze response, humming is a very efficient way to get your body out of it. Also, you go. Have you ever cried? Have

Reiki Bowl Offer And Spoken Grief

SPEAKER_02 43:06

you ever seen your toddler cry? And they go, that is our body's natural response to calm or big or to activate Min Vegas. No. And the parasympathetic response. What's happening? I don't know. But also, I love the buzzing bee breath. I love it. That one's my probably my favorite, and it just sounds cool. And if you do it, if your kids are over stimulating you and you do it in front of them, they'll just join in. And then you're all getting regulated at the same time. Yeah. And it's just, you just sound like a bee. And I'm pretty sure the zzz is for the liver in traditional Chinese medicine. Sweet. And I also really helpful for anger. That is the only like breath work practice that almost feels like you can truly let out all of the oxygen. Oh yeah. You can go for so long. For so long. I was just thinking about that.

SPEAKER_01 44:19

I was like, I can't believe we're still going.

SPEAKER_02 44:21

I know, because like it's just out so fast. But if it's almost like it's more controlled. And my ears are ringing right now. Mine are popping. That's always uh that was strange.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

That's always my body's way of saying like parasympathetic. Like I'll start yawning.

SPEAKER_02 44:41

Yawning and feeling comfortable. And my ears start popping.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

But we love you guys.

SPEAKER_02 44:47

We'll see you in a week. Mm-hmm. Or not. Maybe not. I don't know. We don't know. We don't know. We just show up when we want to. It's true. It's nice to know.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

So if you like inconsistency, but with consistency, but with commitment to ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Okay. No, for real.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

And you're not broken if you aren't abiding by the traditional rules of consistency. Follow your rhythm and you'll have so much success in all areas because you're listening to your fucking body.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

And just so much more balance.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

And happy about it. Like if I don't want to do something and I follow through with doing it anyway, like you're just abandoning yourself.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

In the sense of forcing yourself to do something maybe you are not ready to do. It boils down to when those moments of resistance come up, like, is it actually resistance? Or does your body just need a pause? A pause. And some process time. Like, yep. Yeah. All right. Love you so much. Love you too. Bye. Bye.