The In Between

The quiet right before a life shift can feel like a psychological thriller: you’re doing the work, you’re listening for direction, and somehow everything feels both charged and stagnant at the same time. We sit with that “in-between” space and talk honestly about what it brings up, from grief and anxiety to the weird pressure to figure everything out right now. 

We move from the spiritual to the practical, connecting cycle syncing and the luteal phase to real nervous system needs like silence, low stimulation, and having an actual sanctuary in your home. From there, we zoom out into self-sustainability: gardening as a long game, the sticker shock of groceries, and the frustration of seeing food waste while communities ask for food bank donations. It’s a reminder that the biggest changes are built in pieces, not in one heroic weekend. 

Then we get into how perception shapes reality. We talk the reticular activating system, negativity loops, and how your mind looks for evidence to prove old stories, plus the difference between intuition and fear-led thinking. We also unpack attachment styles and codependency as tools you can work with, not labels you hide behind, and we bring it back to boundaries and integrity at work. If your body is telling you something is off, you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. 

If this conversation hits, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s in a transition, and leave a quick review so more people can find the show. What’s one “in-between” season you’re learning to trust right now?

Transcript

Welcome Back And Real Life

Sisters 0:00

Hello, hello. Welcome back to the Emergence Podcast with JD and Ty. We are here with episode 11. Yes. We've been taking a couple week break. Mother's Day. And Mother's Day we had life. Yeah, just life. In general. Trying trying to garden. It's a lot. I know. Literally, you just have to put seeds in the ground. It's not that much. I don't think you can tell. That's a good way to look at it, though. You literally are just putting seeds in the ground and then water. Seeing what happens. Yeah. Ah. Well, hi. What do we what do you have there? Oh, I opened this up just because I had no idea what we were gonna talk about. And I think you're kind of the same. We're both in our lodial phase. Yes. And this is the first thing that drew my attention. First, it's the book Um The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More Beyond Codepend Codependency. First thing that drew my eyes was being in between can apply to relationships to prepare ourselves for the new.

The In Between Place

Sisters 1:15

We need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial burden hand when there is nothing in the bush. Being in between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain that we will what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking or controlling. We may have many feelings going on when we're in between spurts of grief about what we have to let go of or lost. Feelings of anxiety, fear, apprehension about what's ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them, feel them, release them. Being in between isn't fun, but it's necessary. It won't last forever. It may feel like we are standing still, but we're not. We're standing at the in-between place. It's how we get from here to there. It is not the destination. We are moving forward, even when we're in between. And then there's an affirmation that says, Today I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me towards something good. Yeah, I like that. I'm in an in-between for sure. For sure. I think I did that TikTok trend the other day, the top five horror horror movies or whatever. And that was kind of what it was about. And I I put asking the universe for growth and actually getting it, the silence right before the life shift. And that's what that reminds me of is like the in-between space because you know there's a shift coming. You can feel it, your intuition is on point. But sometimes you don't know what that shift is gonna look like. Is it gonna be subtle? Is it gonna be big? Is it gonna be what is it gonna be?

Jadi 3:20

Right.

Sisters 3:21

But you just know it's there on the precipice of something, you know. And then the other one I did was intuitive hits. I tried to ignore, which is fitting as well. Yeah. Shedding identities that felt like home, I think, is some of the hardest work that we do as human beings. Shedding identities.

Jadi 3:39

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Sisters 3:40

Because they do fit feel like home at some point because they were your safety, they were how you survived.

Jadi 3:46

Yeah.

Sisters 3:47

And and then there's that knowing of something, and it just clicks and you can't look back. Like there's no changing that new per that perception that just came in and landed, you know. And that was my top five horror movies, so that's great. Yeah. I think those would be my top five horror movies too. Because as beautiful as they are, it's like it's hard work, they're very scary when you're in it. Yeah. When you come out of it and there's retrospect, you're like, wow. It all makes sense. There's the gratitude, and but in it, it's hard to maintain gratitude in the in-between place for me personally. Yeah. I have a tendency to spiral into and maybe that's the purpose of the in-between pla the in-between place is to address those beliefs that you're not enough, that you're too much, too loud to answer whatever belief you have about yourself. Yeah. You know, yeah. And actually just kind of sitting in the silence and letting it be okay there. Yeah, for sure. Maybe that's why I felt drawn to sit in silence the first hour of my session today. And then pull in the music, the music, and the movements, yeah. Well, and that was a big thing from my session with Debbie the last time I went, and we did the back session. And she was like, Do you ever just sit there though? Like, are you are you sitting in the silence? And I was like, No. Because like I'm such a TV's on, I'm on my phone scrolling. There's always calling that me time, and that's not me time, that's avoidance.

Silence Beats Screen Time

Sisters 5:32

I have a really bad habit of avoiding screens, which I think it's like a universal thing. Yeah, it's the most accessible that's deemed acceptable in our society as if you're coping as coping, and it's it can be an addiction. Yeah, for sure. 100%. Well, and I actually I think I told dad the other day because he asked me something, and it just popped in my head. I was like, sometimes I can see mom and me, and I'll be in bed upstairs, and all the kids everyone's downstairs doing their thing, and I'm like, I am my mother right now. Minus a few things, but it's like I find comfort in that. It's very it's like a safe space, safe space, yeah. Yeah, I was talking to my husband about that um a couple months ago because I for the first few years I was like, I don't want to be a bedroom mother, so I was always in the living room. But here's the and I love my house, but each room has such a specific energy, and my living room is very stimulating and cool and airy, whereas my bedroom is like a fucking cave. It's got the dark green walls, it's got the you know, wrapped it all together with $400 linen sheets, and now it really is just like a grounding. It is, and I like I need it, I can turn the bright light off so my kids can't turn it on and off, and I have my lamp, and it's just this like cozy space. And I think it was around the same time that we started cycle syncing. I started utilizing that space during my luteal phase and trying to teach as much as you can teach a three-year-old and a one and a half year old. But this is the quiet room. And when mommy's in here, mommy needs quiet, it's not playtime, it's not jump on the bed, which doesn't work. That's a good thing to teach them, I think. It is, it is essential. I don't want them to grow up thinking they're gonna be to my sanctuary. Yeah. Like respect it. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't want them to grow up thinking that they can't retreat if they want to. Right. If the feeling because like that's a normal human feeling. To retreat, but to stay there is abnormal. So it's like I don't want to force myself in a stimulating environment when it's not in alignment, but I will retreat and then come back when I'm ready. Yep. And I feel like that's a healthy place to be. That feels that feels good. Well, and I think that's almost kind of why I started doing the kitchen repair or the kitchen cabinets. Because I was like, I need to do something. Like I need to have a project. And so, and that kept me downstairs. And I'm waiting for my luteal phase and my bleed phase to get over so I can get that burst of energy back to finish that one part. But no, it's been like a whole cycle.

Jadi 8:30

No.

Sisters 8:31

Then I'll end again on my follicular or whatever, I'll finish it, but I needed something because I was just feeling like I was rotting in the bed. Yeah. Like, why? Yeah. And then now also I need to plant a garden as well. I know. Like we blow it out to be so much. Although there are I have gophers in my yard, and I just noticed two new holes, and I'm like, they're gonna be bitches when it comes to my fucking garden. I just know it. They're gonna be bugging everything. Time to get Roman a baby gun. I'm just kidding. I heard cayenne. If you sprinkle cayenne around your garden, it'll keep the squirrels and the gophers away. I need to do more research on that because I don't wanna take all this time, money, and effort just for a rodent to ruin it. Oh no, for real. I heard too that if you plant green onion plants on like the barriers of all the garden, so it's like a just a wall of it, it neutralizes all the weed roots. Oh, cool. So it kind of deters any weeds from coming up in the garden bed. Nice. So I was like, okay. I like it. So yeah, that'll be a good one. I think the main reason I'm waiting to plant seeds is because we gotta put up a fence because my dogs love

Garden Plans And Backyard Projects

Sisters 9:50

to just right through the garden. And the minute I put seeds down, they're gonna fucking destroy them. Yeah. So we gotta get chicken wire, put a fence up. Yeah. We still have lots of projects out there to do, but we'll get there. We're getting there. I planted my berry bushes and I did one thing. Nice. I just saw this guy. He's like, This is garbage gardening. And he just like went into the garbages of like grocery stores and they throw away all this produce and all this stuff. And he's just dumping tomatoes like in his garden, smashing it up, covering it. And he's like, Well, see, sometimes they do, but if not, it's great compost. Right. I was like, okay. You're smart. Smart. I don't understand how corporations can throw away shit. Throw the amount of stuff. Like I've s the videos I see, like it is just it's horrific. There's literally people starving. Like our small town is asking for donations right now for the food bank. Yeah. Because you know they're the warehouse is getting low, and you have how much fucking food you're throwing away. It's disgusting. It really is. Like, put it all out at the end of the day and let families in need come and get some. Yeah. I need that to be my motivator, like the feeling that I get. Although I want to just neutralize the feeling I get when I do have to pay for groceries. It's such a like catch my breath type of feeling. I'm like, that much for normal necessity things, butter, milk, eggs, flour. I mean, all these things. And I'm just like, what the hell? Give yourself grace though. You're still acclimating to a new mortgage. I know. So your body's still attuning to that. Because like, like I totally get it. Groceries are they progressively get expensive. I spent over 200 bucks on our weekly groceries. My budget used to be 130. Yeah. And I bought the same amount of stuff. Yeah. Albeit my boys are getting a little bit older and they like to snack a lot. Yeah. But still, I'm like, for a family of four, I'm like, damn. It's like 800 bucks a month. And I stretch things. I make leftovers. I like so that we can have leftovers for lunch. So I'm not buying stuff for lunches and dinners. Like I'm so strategic about the food we consume. And I kind of debunked the whole belief that that like it wasn't, it wasn't out of a state of poverty. It was once, but now it's of a state of like being smart. And not over consuming. Yeah. You know? But yeah, give yourself grace because I feel like when we first got our house and we were had, I don't know, there was like there was a good period of time where it took time for my body to acclimate to this new level of output when it comes to the mortgage. Yeah. Yeah. And it took me a minute to feel safe in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Food Costs And Self Sustainability

Sisters 12:50

Same. Well. Thank you. It still is crazy and stupid. I know. But that money that we take out to groceries, I'm like, that should be a good motivator for the garden. Mm-hmm. And all the things and the chickens and the sanctuary that's gonna be the backyard. You know? Yep. So steps to self-sustainability. And looking at it as pieces, not a whole project, because it's so overwhelming to think of the whole thing. No. Yeah. Damn. Because all you see are the completion. You see everyone where we want the vision to be. And we see, yeah, we see all the people that are like, it took four years to get here. Yeah. And seldom do they share that. I know. You know, usually it's like, this is my garden look. And really they just worked their asses off too. Little bit by little bit. Yeah. A couple plants each year, what they could afford here and there. Yeah. Planted and nurtured. And it's such a it's just a great mirror for life itself. And for just like the evolution of self. Yeah. It takes time, it takes time and like little bits at a time. Yep. That's a good reminder. You hear babies. Yeah. Roman's been pretending to be a dog a lot lately. I asked him the other day, I was like, So I heard you want to be baby Roman again. And he was like, Yeah. But I also want to get big and tall. I was like, okay, cool. He's like, go golfing and get tall and big. He's like, all right. He's so funny. Today I was like, you still want to be baby Roman? He's like, no. And I was like, oh, that passed. It's been like a couple days. Okay. He's over. That identity felt like his home. And now he's becoming the new identity. Yeah. Big brother. Yeah. What a cutie. So sweet. Anything else coming to mind? No. Tending and nourishing to the seeds that I can't see. Is what comes to mind. I don't know. I haven't intention well, I mean I have intentionally planted something, but I feel like there is a invisible undercurrent of seeds that I do not know that they've been planted on my behalf. Or perhaps within my relationships. And I'm waiting for clarity. Once those spring up. What is this? Yeah. My why? Why is this? Yeah. And I'm just trying to be open. Everything for the past day, well, day and a half. Because I was feeling real um mentally bogged down and just too much in here in my head, not in my body enough.

Jadi 16:01

Yeah.

Sisters 16:01

And the main message I just kept receiving from different sources, like it was just be like, I would hop on a social media platform and I would see a general piece of advice of like just stay open, surrender. Like you don't

Stay Open And Watch Your Bias

Sisters 16:20

you don't know what's going on, but don't make your assumptions, yeah. Yeah, but you can still trust it. And like it's it's gonna be okay, essentially. Yeah. And then I'd hop on another platform and and just like little synchronicity of like ladybugs and just little little things here and there. Yeah. And it's all coinciding the same message, which is just be open and don't expect the worst. Yeah. So that's what I'm trying to do. Well, I was telling Andrew too last night is that I think from past experiences, our minds tend to look for evidence. It's our reticular activating system that is looking for evidence to prove a belief that we are currently holding. And so all of that transpired out of evidence of a past experience of something happening, and and he was like, I understand, I understand why that would happen. He's like, but that's not what this is, you know. And so it's just like, but we look for that. And then instead of making that assumption that it's gonna be the same as last time, we can be open to something new or different. Yeah. So yeah, I need to remember that too. Yeah. Because we always go back to that. I think most of us could benefit from remembering that just because something looks or feels similar does not mean it's going to beget the same outcome. Outcome. Yeah. Of whatever. Yeah. And that's isn't that what like rewiring your brain is for? And you know, open. And being open to new outcomes, new possibilities, new experiences. So I get it. I totally get it. Well, and it's just like the whole the law of the assumption, showing, like, you know, look around and look for everything that is gold, you know, and you're counting all these things that are gold, and then it's like how many things were red? You don't know because your directive in your mind was saying find the gold. Right. Yeah. And it's the same thing find the betrayal or be open to something else. You know, yep. So yeah, it's very interesting. Our minds are very interesting. They are. It's well. Did you hear about the new organ that they found? In our bodies? Yeah. No. You didn't? No. So it was released or something like it. It's been literally taken out of medical books and historical books and like history and stuff, and they've tried to cover it up. But it essentially, I didn't read the whole article. Essentially, it's the intuition. It's an organ. Really? Yeah. And it was like, I think they said behind the kidney, in between the kidney and the spine.

Is Intuition An Organ

Sisters 19:09

And it's just a tiny little organ. And and and it's supposedly like our gut intuition or interesting. I know. Very interesting. And why would they try to remove that or hide that? Right. There was a whole thing on it. I didn't read much of it because I think I was working when I scrolled past it. And I was just like, oh. I'm gonna have to go in and research that myself. Yeah, but there was like legitimate scientific documents that they had uncovered and was reading about this, and I was just like, damn, that's cool. That's cool, but also fuck you. Yeah. For trying to hide shit. But also, no matter how much you try to hide it, it's still there. It's still there. And we still have it in our just because the knowledge of it wasn't there doesn't mean the use of it went away. Well, and look how funny is that parallel though. Like you're trying to hide something that is intuitively trying to just be intuitive. Like jokes on you. Like what? Huh? Stupidest shit ever. That's cool. Did it have a name? Yes. I can't remember what the name was, but it was like an M. I think it was an M name. Oh, that's a woman, that's Roman. Roman, I'll be out of minute. I'll be out of the minute, baby. Okay, I'm not going to be able to see my three year old. Maybe I'll be out in a minute, okay? Will you go tell dad that he needs to cut up potatoes and y he needs to let you have Okay, well, go help him. And it was so the organ itself was the energetic field to so the the diaphragm of the energy, almost like a chakra, and then the energy vortex or whatever. That's what it was like inputting. So when they were all the scientific research around it was showing the the electromagnetic field around this organ, and that's what they were trying to erase was like that we are electromagnetic beings. Right. But yeah. That's interesting. I'll have to deep dive and try to find that video. Because that would be crazy if it was gone. Or maybe I dreamt it. No, I didn't dream it. It was really there. Matrix is trying to gaslight me right now. It's not working. I'm gonna have to try to find it too. I don't know, crazy. That's very cool though. But all the posts that I'm seeing are like twenty twenty-five, twenty twenty-four. And I'm like, what? It was a new moon yesterday. New moon in Taurus.

Jadi 24:03

Yeah.

Sisters 24:06

I don't know, I feel like it was pretty neutral for me. I don't know if it was neutral for you. No. Yeah. Chaotic. Um, I would say chaotic, just more. Just felt stagnant.

Jadi 24:26

Yeah.

New Moon Grounding And Stability

unknown 24:28

Right.

Sisters 24:28

I'm trying to find solutions and direction. And it's not my stuff to resolve or direct. Right. Right. But it directly affects me. Me. So that's annoying. So maybe how figuring out how you can anchor yourself in yourself. And that's, I mean, essentially what I've been doing. Yeah. I think that's a huge part of just Taurus energy. It's just like stable foundation for the self. Because we're in, you know, we were just in Aries season. Yeah. There's a lot of self-reflection and stuff like that, self-motivated. And then Taurus, I think, comes in as like, hey, how are you gonna ground this version of you, this identity of you, and be stable in it? Yeah. So Yeah, and how do you how do you not allow another person's uncertainty to destabilize you? Oh, that's the hardest. That's I think that's a pretty prevalent theme, is the uncertainty of others, people in my immediate circle are like it's just destabilizing me. Yeah. I don't know. Well, I think that's And maybe that's where codependency comes in, because that shouldn't happen. So maybe there's some codependent beliefs that I need to or behaviors I need to address there. I didn't really think about that. Because another person's uncertainty shouldn't be. Yeah, ever since we talked about the attachment styles and stuff the other day, I've been seeing so many like just examples of it in other people at work and in circle and just like in my own life. And I'm just like interesting. Again, directive. We were just talking about it, and now it's like I'm seeing the patterns in other people, yeah. Um, and I don't know, I think like you I'm probably an avoidant attachment too. And Andrew probably is an anxious attachment, but I don't know because he does I think he does pretty well and he still does his own like healthy reflections in isolation and stuff like that, and like in his own time.

Jadi 26:43

Yeah.

Sisters 26:44

Like I don't feel like he's clinging or anything like that. So I don't know. I'll have to ask him what he thinks he is. Yeah. How he thinks his attachment style is. Are there any other attachment styles? Um, no, I think there was just the but it's like a spectrum. It is a spectrum. I feel like it can be a little bit of both. Would avoid an attachment being a kind of like, oh, I'm just independent, I'll do it myself, and like I can do this on my own. Yeah. Being the hero or the there's four actually. So there's avoidant, anxious, disorganized, and secure. Okay. Maybe I'm a couple different ones. That's possible. I feel like it takes it's situational too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. So we got the secure attachment. This is comfortable with emotional intimacy, open communication, independence in relationships,

Attachment Styles Without Rigid Labels

Sisters 27:50

trusts easily, communicates needs effectively, and handles conflict constructively. They don't panic when given space. Anxious craves deep closeness, but harbors a persistent fear of abandonment or rejection. Often need constant validation, reassurance. They may become overly fixated on a partner on a partner's responsiveness and struggle to self-soothe. Avoidant, highly values independence and self-reliance, often equating intimacy with a loss of freedom in relationships, tend to pull away or shut down when partners become too emotionally demanding or vulnerable. They typically self-soothe by creating emotional or physical distance. And then we have the disorganized, which is like a fearful, avoidant attachment, deeply desires love and closeness, but simultaneously terrified of it. Okay, baby, I'm disorganized. In relations, it often exhibit exhibits conflicting behaviors, e.g., pushing a partner away, then pulling them back in. This style usually stems from unresolved trauma or highly inconsistent early environments. And then it just says recognizing your style isn't about placing blame. It's an actionable tool to understand triggers or your relationship cycles. While styles are deeply ingrained, they are not fixed. So through self-awareness therapy or being in a healthy long-term relationship, anyone can cultivate an earned secure style over time, which is comforting because a lot of people who like talk about attachment styles on the internet are very like matter-of-fact, this is just how you are. And I'm like, maybe that's a little like it's fairly rigid. That's very rigid. And why would you want to be in putting yourself in such a rigid spot? Right. I hate I mean, we've talked about this before. I think it's just the the identity and identifying with titles like that. Well, it's easier to just say this is who I am than working. And it excuses the behavior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like knowing is one thing, but acting on that knowledge is completely different. Yeah. And that's where the magic is. Yeah. So as you're reading through them, I I can identify a little bit of me and all of them. Honestly, same. You know, for the most part, I do feel secure because I do value, but there are times in certain situations or conversations that are had in intimate settings where I'm like, I want to run away right now. This is uncomfortable.

Jadi 30:26

Yeah.

Sisters 30:27

And you know, I use my excuse, like, I'm gonna go outside. Which most of the time I go outside to actually reflect on what just happened and process. Yeah. Not to avoid it completely, but just to like get my own energy, like bubble, not with you influencing that energy in any which way. Yeah. But to feel for how I actually feel. Right. Right. Because I mean, if we're electromagnetic beings, I'm absorbing what you're feeling. And vice versa. Yeah. So and that's how signals get crossed or miscommunications or misperceptions happen if we're not if we're not careful and aware of it. Yeah. Sometimes it can be such a healthy thing to say, I need a minute to process and then come back and back to this. I'm not abandoning you, I'm not rejecting what you're saying. Yeah. It's just a thing of when you said the the deeply anxious of like fearful of being abandoned and stuff. Like a part of me is just like, grow up. Like judgmental of that version of the attachment style, because it's like, why? Why is he calling me? Stalton. Just tell him that we're busy. Hello?

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Hey, what's up?

Sisters 31:52

Uh, not much. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_03 31:55

Not much. I was trying to call Andrew and he was an entrance. I was just saying with him.

Sisters 31:59

Oh, um, I'm upstairs. I'm pretty sure he's here somewhere because my kids are down there.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Do you want to uh just come over and call me or just or if you on my way I can just talk to him real quick?

Sisters 32:12

Um, yeah. Well, me and JD are doing a podcast right now, so I'll call him real quick and have him call you back. Okay, sounds good, thank you. All right, bye. He's distracted by your husband. Yep. Maybe also call your husband. Please enjoy the short break. Hi, Dalton's been trying to call you. Don't uh Okay. So you were judging people who are afraid of being abandoned? Yeah, that's what it feels like. Well, because it's like, I don't know, and maybe it's because I've moved through that attachment stuff for myself, because there there has been a fear of that in my life. But once you get past it, and I think this kind of goes into like what we were talking about in the car the other day of you know, if my partner were to die, I don't think I would seek out another relationship.

Jadi 33:24

Yeah.

Sisters 33:24

Because I feel secure in who I am, but also relationships are hard work, they take a

Independence, Abandonment, And Judgment

Sisters 33:30

lot of intent and tend and care and all these things. And it's like sometimes I'm like, I just want to care for myself.

Jadi 33:38

Yeah.

Sisters 33:39

Even though I'm a mother and I care for them and I care, I care for the whole household.

Jadi 33:43

Yeah.

Sisters 33:43

You know, but I think if fate would have it that I would be a widower at any point in time, I think I would spend it alone with myself because I do love myself, and I do crave that connection and solace of just this energy, you know. No, I agree.

Jadi 34:04

So I agree.

Sisters 34:06

So maybe that's like I don't know where the judgment's coming from, but also just pity party people type feeling. Even though it's probably coming from a place that's feels real to them, sometimes it just feels like whiny. Yeah. Don't leave me. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Like if I ever felt like that in my relationship, it would make me want to leave more. Yeah. You know, it's a very off-putting interaction. And I feel like it's a desperation. Yeah. Definitely holds the energetic frequency of desperation. And I don't want a partner that feels desperate for me. Like if you can't survive without me, that's no bueno. I want someone solid in themselves and who they are, you know, as a partner. You are you and I am me. And together we make a great team. I'm not carrying you, you're not carrying me.

Jadi 35:03

Yeah.

Sisters 35:03

That's how that's how I feel. Yeah. I feel like that's pretty healthy. Good. Well, that's good. Yeah. I wonder if there's any other magical gems in here. Perhaps. Seventy-two. I think this is probably very accurate for the energy that we're moving into with um, because Mercury's in Gemini, right? I'm pretty sure. I got a notification today saying it was in Gemini. It's kind of very And then we'll be Sun in Gemini soon, tomorrow. No couple days. Um, but it's positive energy. It's easy to look around and notice what's wrong. It takes practice to see what's right. Many of us have lived around negativity, negativity

Positive Energy At Work

Sisters 36:19

for years. We've become skilled at labeling what's wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationship, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery. We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation. Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of its own. So does positive energy. Each day we can ask what's right, what's good about other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationship, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery. Positive energy heals conduct, conducts love, and transform. Choose positive energy. And it says, today think or today, God helped me let go of negativity, transform my beliefs and thinking at the core from negative to positive, put me in harmony with the good. I actually noticed that earlier today. I was watching a TikTok of a girl. So server life is like on my page now all of a sudden. And it's kind of funny, like it's hilarious. You know, that and chickens, like that's all over my feed right now. Chickens and server life. But the server was like, I have gotten like the most money, most tips lately since I've been practicing that. And it was positivity. Just coming in to work, like positive towards the kitchen, positive towards the customers, the experience, like the gratitude towards this is a great job to have. Like, I really do love my job. Yeah. And same. I love my job. I really do. Are there, you know, dynamics and stuff that I wish were different? Yeah, for sure. No. But I'm like, I was so does the positivity have the ability to shift change that dynamic. Yes. And so it was really like a huge thing the other week. I was just like, because I was thinking about the manager meeting that we were supposed to be having soon. It has not been scheduled, by the way. And I'm just like, start ruminating on like the conversation I want to have, the thing I want to say. And then coming back to the thought, like, am I in the problem? Am I picking out the negative energy or, you know, and and plucking all these things of like what needs to be fixed? And to be fair, possibly, but I also feel like that's what said person does. I never hear anything positive, no positive feedback from him. It's always, you need to fix this, this server sucks, blah, blah, blah. It's like, tell me what I'm doing good because I know there's so much more of that than the negative things that you're picking up on. And now we're tiffing, you know, we're cutting. I've always I've always noticed how if I ever took come in and talk, I layer it with the good. I acknowledge that person's goodness. And hey, I had a problem with this. That doesn't mean they're a terrible person, terrible manager, terrible, but like that, like the way they moved through this situation could have been different. Yep. And that's how I think most things should go through. Like acknowledge the good. Yeah. But also like that one thing, not cool. That wasn't cool. Yeah. There's quite a few things like that though. And and it got me thinking of like how I want to um uh address it. Yeah. Situation to situation.

Jadi 39:47

Yeah.

Sisters 39:47

Like, great, that's the thanks. That's very helpful to know. And like there are times when I'm very I'm usually mostly professional in my responses. And I don't have a problem saying no. And I won't give an explanation. And I think that's why certain kitchen staff are like mad, because I just say like, no is the complete sentence here. Like, I don't have to explain why. If you ask and are really wanting to understand why I'm saying no, I'll explain it to you. But I don't think you're seeking to understand, you're seeking to rebuttal. And that's not gonna be productive for either of us. Yeah, you know, because most of the time I feel like I do have a legitimate reason why I'm saying no. Like, sorry, but no. So I don't know. And it's I do love my job though. I love it very much. I think it's so fun to work there. I do too. And the money is good, it is, especially for the minimal hours that we have to work as servers. It's like Yeah, it's telling it's decent. Last night I was like, I was like, I no, I was before I went in to cover while we were at dinner. I was like, I love I was like, I do love serving, but it is a high stress job. And I don't see myself doing it forever. But for the season of life that I'm in and the hours that I get and the money that we receive, it's worth it. You know? Yeah. Like input, output, like it's worth it. Yeah. But I do know that there will come a time, and I don't know when it will be, that I'll feel the need to shift to something else. And I don't know what the something else will be. I don't know what that will look like, but it'll be something. It won't be a fucking desk job or any fucking corporation that throws away food. But maybe I'll do the yoga at the new yoga studio. Yeah. Do hot yoga, I'll teach it and then I'll pass out. It's funny. I don't know if I could do hot yoga. I hate the heat. I've done it once. I think I maybe would pass out. It's intense. Yeah. And I I know I'm pretty sure I actually only did it once and I didn't go back because of how the instructor was. Oh. Because I needed to take a minute and get out of pose. And she almost like berated me for it. Oh, what the hell? I know. That's not how you guide. It was very strange. And I was just like, I felt almost humiliated

Listen To Your Body In Heat

Sisters 42:20

because everyone else was still holding in. She's like, try not to take a drink of water until we say. And I'm like, I'm not gonna not listen to my body, but okay. And what's crazy is most yoga instructors instruct you to listen to listen to your body. It was very weird. It was in sugar house. That's strange, very popular hot yoga studio. Hmm. It's crazy. Definitely listen to your body. Yeah. Don't listen to guides if they're saying don't listen to your body. That's wrong. For real. That's not like if you take away anything from today's episode, let it be. Your intuition is usually not wrong. However, there is a difference between intuition and fear-led what? Fear-led something. Like sometimes your intuition can be fear-led. Oh, yeah, definitely. And I think the discernment around that is important. So learning yourself and learning the fears and the beliefs you hold are gonna just help you hone in on your intuition even more. Yeah. Intuition can be spot on, but the lens that it's being perceived through can be distorted. Yep. Yeah, for sure. And knowing the difference is the key. Yeah. And that's it's hard work. It is. I I work on that every day in my life. Yeah. Same every day. Because I will I'll be the first to admit my intuition is always on, but sometimes it is totally perceived through lenses of beliefs or fears, or limiting beliefs. Yep. Or and limiting beliefs. Yeah. That yeah. That also got me thinking about like the perception of people. That we hold in our minds. And how, like, you know, there's someone out there mad at you for someone that you used to be.

Jadi 44:08

Yeah.

Sisters 44:09

And I think about that a lot because there are people in my life where I'm like, you're still that person to me. And there are, and out of those few that I have that very solid perception of, I'm like, there's part of me that doesn't want to change it. Cause I just don't want to give

Perception, Compassion, And Boundaries

Sisters 44:26

you another chance. Yeah. So I hold this version of you because maybe of the pain or betrayal or hurt or flakiness or whatever it was is not worth it to me to see if it's changed. Yeah. So I'm going to hold you in that vision because I don't want to, I don't, I don't care to know again. Yeah. And find out if I'm proved right or wrong. When those people that would hold those rigid perceptions about how many chances did you give? Right. And I do take that into effect or like into it and account. Because if I'm I'm if I'm being rigid about someone I barely know, that's when I'm like, JD, knock your shit off and have your own experience about it. Or if someone's telling me their experience about a person, I'm like, I want to know for myself. Right. I don't want to I don't want to base my perception off of what other people say about this person.

Jadi 45:20

Yep.

Sisters 45:20

And I wouldn't want people to do that to me. For sure. Because I'm sure there are things about me that are completely inaccurate. Or maybe they are accurate because a lot of people get a lot of different versions of me because they showed up a certain way. So I had to. Yeah. You know? And those versions are me as are just as true as the all-loving version. Yep. You know? They're just as valid. They just weren't as soft. Right. Right. And that made you uncomfortable. So sorry. That made you uncomfy. So sorry. Love your inner goddess. Yeah. All versions of her. I wish them. I wish I wish all the people will. I was thinking about people actually today that I have perceptions about. And it's just like uh I love you. I love you. I was just thinking that. I love you. I love your soul. I don't love what the world has done to you. Yeah. I don't love how your experience shaped you. I don't love that. But I can love your essence. Yeah. And that does not mean I invite you into my space, my energy. You don't get access to it just because I do love you. That's a cool place to be. I can like that's end goal. Huh? I think that's end goal. For real. Like I can totally look at you and see your divinity and be like, wow, your your essence is beautiful, but there's distortion. And that's okay. Yep.

unknown 47:01

Yeah.

Sisters 47:02

It's okay. I still love you, and I'm still like. I still wish you well. There are no ill thoughts. None. Yeah. I think that's a good place to be. I think that's a neutral space to be. And it comes back to the belief that it's like we're all just fucking incarnations of each other. One source. Mm-hmm. Yep. It's a good place to be with that knowing. But also like the integration of this self with that belief is an interesting journey. Isn't it? Yeah. Because I remember going into the like people would be like, You're so beautiful when I first started my spiritual journey. And I was always like, You are what you see in me. And it like sounds ugly. But it's true. Like you really, like, you are what you see in me. But I'm also what I see in you. And sometimes that is the negative shit, too. Like it's the polarity. It is the polarity. And that is uncomfortable. Well, and the acceptance of that polarity and the mirroring and the parallel is. That's why when I was telling you, I was like, am I the problem? Like, because as an awakened, you know, very aware person, it's like we have we can't just be like, you need to fix this. It's like, what can I fix and contribute to help this dynamic instead of just perpetuate it? Yeah. Because I I want to be a solver, not a ruminator in this shithole of a dynamic between two managers. Like that's not what I want. Although there's just something about his energy that I'm like, you're creepy as fuck. You're icky. Yeah. But there's evidence of it too when he first started of him being icky. Who are we talking about? Randall. Oh, okay. Yeah. And it's just like, and my that that experience shaped how I view him still because it was very like, you obviously know she's

Integrity When Others Look Away

Sisters 49:10

young. You're like, you were, you could be my dad. Yeah. You are older, isn't you? No, he was born in like 62. Yeah. So he's older than dad, I'm pretty sure. Yeah.

unknown 49:22

Yeah.

Sisters 49:23

And to do have those advances on like a 19, 20-year-old. I'm just like, hmm, it looks creepy. It's creepy. It is. So there's this lens now that I look at him through, and I'm just like, and that's what drives a lot of my disdain for him. Yeah. And I don't know how to remove that. Yeah. So yeah. Well, that's a truth that can't really be ignored. Yeah. But also Can it be set aside when other issues are coming up? Yeah. And well, and it has to be because nothing's changing. Mm-hmm.

unknown 50:01

Yeah.

Sisters 50:02

Even when it happened. Like there was like another cook that got really he was a male and he got really protective too. And he stepped up like a true masculine would. And it was very nice to see. It was refreshing to see him be that protective masculine in that situation. But all the other males that should have did not. And it was like very disappointing.

Jadi 50:28

Yeah.

Sisters 50:30

Honestly, the masculine in that restaurant is not healthy. Tim was the only one and he left. He's a massage therapist, but he's very spiritual too. And like me and him got along so well because we were just talking crazy as shit. No. And then he left because he wanted to do massage full-time. Yeah. Well, it just makes me think about like when that content creator came in, my very first one, left her baby in the car for like two hours in a town that she wasn't from. And I was like dying inside, go check on your baby. I was walking out into the back to go check on their baby. He was like less than two years old. Yeah. And I told the people in charge how uncomfortable I was, and they just brushed off like it's nothing. And I was like, that is a child and a girl. And the crazy thing is like you two are fathers. I know. I know. It's crazy what people will do or not do in for approval and for support. Exposure. Exposure. For financial gain, yeah. Yeah. Let this be a message to people if you're in business. Have your integrity is so much more important than anything else. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so big on integrity. Like saying fuck. And when people don't meet my level of integrity, I get so iked. I get so ached. After that, I had a real I had to I had to for a while practice a really great level of detachment. I'm just here to make money and support my family. I don't want anything else to do with anything. Yeah. And I still do. Like, yeah. I'll like, you know, chit-chat with people and joke and like have fun. But I leave it all here when I yeah, I'm like, this isn't like important to me. I'm not, I'm not here to help you grow your business. And and maybe that sounds terrible, but like in a moment where I was uncomfortable and a child was in danger, you didn't step in. And that says a lot. And that like really, yeah, did something and my perception. Speaking of perceptions of people. Yeah. Crazy. No. I think a good goal with all that in mind is like just standing by your own integrity, that compass too. Yeah. Because I mean the whole reason why I left the previous job was because of integrity, and it was like, no. Yeah. I can't. Like my body was so rejective of that whole situation. I was like They were distorting it and it was so and just manipulative. And it was like, like, if I have to get to a point in my employment where I have to record conversations for proof and evidentiary

Walking Away From Toxic Leadership

Sisters 53:36

support, like not my case. Like we shouldn't that should never need be a thing, especially in a place where therapists are involved and clients, and uh, you know, it's a it was a rehab. It was a rehabilitation center, yeah. That's what's the truth and integrity and honesty of recovery. Like that's the recovery, and the people running the joint had none of it. And I was just like, this is so gross. But I remember that feeling in my body of just like, if I stay here one more day, I'm going to like crawl out of my skin. But then I was like, I have 40 hours of PTO, I have to finish two weeks. And then you still had to fight for your PTO. I know they were trying to refuse the PTO. Ridiculous. I'm so glad that place is under new management. Well, I mean, it's the same, but like on the ground management, it's different. So hopefully, um well, and I saw Tina, so I saw her at the graduation, she was there for her grandson or something, and they were sitting in front of us, and I was like, How are things feeling over there? And she's like, a lot better. I was like, good, good. So, like, I don't know, if it ever occurred, like happened to have like me in a spot where I needed something three days a week, full-time hours, full-time pay, etc. I maybe would go back. Yeah, possibly. Yeah. And then another and Daryl, one of the therapists, came in last night uh for dinner. Yeah. And we chatted for a minute. But it was super busy too. I was just like, oh my god. I always wonder what would happen if we like emailed to be like, hey, interested in yoga classes again. Or sounds like do you think she would be like, Yeah, I don't know. Now that you know those other people are not there. Because you know that that person was just whispering into her ear because she wanted us gone. Yeah, she did not like us there. We were shining some fucking that happened in May. So the well, yours was did we both we both got let go at the same time? At the same time, yeah. It was May, and then I ended up quitting in July. So it was like the ball being pushed down the hill. And she probably did that.

Jadi 55:53

Yeah.

Sisters 55:54

But there was so much triangulation within that system. So, like the two managers or directors down at the thing, and then the CEO up there, and like them in doing something with her, and just I just I'm curious how many stories she got because the shit that they told me about her and how they hated her, I told her to her face. I'm like, they talk shit on you every time I am with them. Yet you're trusting them. Like they're saying you're the problem. Yeah. And I really don't think it was her. Maybe not. I still think she does have some narcissistic perhaps. But I think it was the people on the ground that were ruffling shit. All the shit. Yeah. And during the pot. I know. Minda got the brunt of all that. And that was what started my integrity compass calibration. Seeing how they are treating her and just taking, observe, observing. I observed from January and then I got cut out in May from sound sessions, and then it progressed more. But it was very like again, having to discern and say, This is just my paycheck when all that stuff was happening to Rinda, but also being there as her friend and like supporting her and like validating her because they were. I mean, she was trying to gaslight herself.

Jadi 57:18

Yeah.

Sisters 57:19

Am I wrong, Ty? Like, you know, going through all the things I'm like, no, you are not. You are not wrong. You are being mistreated. You are being targeted blatantly. Yeah. And so crazy. It always astonishes me how many people, how many narcissistic people are in power like powerful positions? I'm like, how did you fool so many? It bothers me. Yeah. It bothers me.

Jadi 57:49

Yeah.

Sisters 57:49

Because like I swear I could count on like both of my hands, just like narcissistic leaders that I've seen. And I'm like, how the fuck?

Jadi 57:57

Mm-hmm.

Sisters 57:59

Yeah. And like the excuses for some of them, like one of the excuses was like, oh, you can't tra you can't train an old dog new tricks. And I'm like, well, if he's that old of a dog, maybe he should get the fuck out. Like if you're not willing to evolve and grow and adapt and change into a new structure or something, like why are you here? Yep. You know, just because you owned this, this, and this, and had this, and like under your belt, it's like that doesn't mean shit. That doesn't make you qualified. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, I think we should call it. Yeah, now we're just bullshitting. I mean, there's lots of gems and lessons within all of it. Yes. Lived experience and just observation and who knows. Maybe someone listening somewhere needed to hear that snippet of your if your integrity is compromised. Feeling compromised by anything, whether that be work or relationship or um just anything. Any dynamic. And you're being urged to step out. Step out because guess what? She did, and she was met with uncertainty. And I'd like to do it. Well, and the crazy no, it was like a week. So I kick I quit July 24th, which funny, by the way, that was my first day of working two years prior. So I quit on the day that I was hired. Um, but the next, so I started Severo August 3rd.

Jadi 59:27

Okay.

Sisters 59:27

So it was like literally a week. I was driving around and I saw

Leap Of Faith And Closing

Sisters 59:31

now hiring. And I was just like, mm-hmm. So I called it, Zach answered, and I was like, I'll come in for an interview. And I opened and started the day we opened. Sweet. And have been there ever since. But it was like I had no idea. I yeah, I was like, it's gonna be tough.

Jadi 59:46

Yeah.

Sisters 59:47

But but how crazy that you had this preconceived idea that this was gonna be hard. You were gonna have to struggle before you found something. And then I was met with something solution.

unknown 59:59

Yeah.

Sisters 59:59

Yeah. So if you are in that spot, yeah. It might be scary, it might be uncertain, it might be unclear on what your next move is, your next step. But I promise you, once you get out of that and are back in alignment with your integrity, it'll come.

Jadi 1:00:15

Yeah.

Sisters 1:00:16

It reminds me of the fucking Indiana Jones walking across the the cave and there's no floor, and he just has to take that step. And then the stone just like pops up. Yeah. That's how it was. Yeah. There, I couldn't see any steps. That's how it always is. So have faith and trust in it. Trust yourself. Goodbye, guys. Bye. See you next.