Backing Yourself: Carla on Business, Motherhood and Starting Again, New Chapters.

Some conversations stay with you because they hold both strength and softness at the same time — and this is one of them.

In this episode, Carla shares the story behind leaving corporate life, backing herself, and building a Pilates business that reflects not just ambition, but who she was becoming underneath it all.

We talk about the courage it takes to begin again — professionally, personally, and emotionally — and how life can ask us to keep evolving even when we would rather stay certain.

Carla speaks openly about opening a studio during COVID, navigating pressure, motherhood, relationships, leadership, and the quieter inner shifts that often happen alongside visible success.

There is something deeply relatable in this conversation for any woman who has ever questioned whether she is allowed to want more, change direction, or rebuild parts of her life without apology.

It is a conversation about resilience, yes — but also identity, self-trust, and learning that growth often asks us to let old versions of ourselves soften.

In this episode we explore:

•  Leaving corporate life and backing yourself 
•  Building a business through uncertainty 
•  Motherhood and ambition sitting side by side 
•  Divorce, relationships, and personal evolution 
•  Leadership and holding space for others 
•  Why self-care often looks simple, not perfect 
•  Creating a business that feels aligned with who you are now 

A few moments that stayed:

“I back myself to give everything a go.”
 “Marriage is a chapter, not a failure.”
 “Walking is my daily self-care ritual.”

Connect with Carla:

Carla Instagram - Instagram

Hiit Pilates - Instagram

HIIT Pilates Studio | Reformer Pilates Sydney

And in case any of you listening want a change of life or career, See this amazing Pilates Reformer Course. 

Reformer Pilates Teacher Training | HIIT Pilates Academy (Online & In-Studio) — HIIT Pilates Studio

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, Carla. How are you? Um, I'm very well, Tina. Thank you for having me. Thank you so much for coming into the new studio. This is your first, my first sorry time doing it face-to-face. So I'm very glad that you're my guinea pig. Thank you. I'm a much better face-to-face, so you well we'll hope so. Yeah. I'll be the judge. Yeah. All right, Carla. I always start off the podcast because I know you. I followed you for a very long time and I know what you're all about. But I'd like you to just take us back and give us a little bit of a brief summary about Carla, what you're about. Yeah. It's interesting because it's sort of so how do you define yourself?

SPEAKER_01 0:35

I suppose in the context of this, I'm a business owner. Yep. Um, and so how I came about owning this business or running this business is that I trained as a players instructor about four six fourteen years ago, as I wanted a career that would help me. Basically, I had two kids very close together and the thought of going back into a corporate world and leaving them in care, I was like, okay, that's okay, but I need to be passionate about what I'm doing. And what I was currently doing was corporate. It was, I was on my crack berrier all the time, I caught the black berry, the crack berrier, you know, if you answered a call, if you answered an email at 2 a.m., it was considered like, you know, job well done. I thought, with kids, I just don't want to do that. And I'd always been interested in Pilates. Actually, if we go back to when I was in my early 20s at university, I considered doing a Pilates training course then because we were going overseas. And I thought I'd be good to train up and then I can teach when we'll be living in New York and London. I was like, oh, that's great, I'll pick up extra work. And I looked into it at the time and realized that it wasn't something you could do at the weekend.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

Ironically, now there are courses you can do over a weekend, which is very, very scary. But at the time it was, you know, oh, this is going to be a real big investment. Okay, park that idea. So then we went overseas. I went into magazines and editorial, and that was my passion. And then we came back to Sydney in 2009. It was like GFC time. And so there was no editorial roles coming up. I went into the advertising side of magazines. I was at ACP magazines. And so I'd always at university walked past Elixir, which was the the gym on God Street Escapes Me now. But basically, ACP makes it in front of me.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

And so I think I had a university job at the council council. And so I'd literally walk past ACP was on my left and elixir was on my right. And I thought to myself, one day I'm going to work at ACP and I'm going to do my Pilates at Elixir. And so fast forward to the you know 2000, early 2009, or late 2009, early 2010, I'm working at ACP and I'm doing my Pilates at Elixir. I'd done Pilates when I was in London as well, and that's where I started Reforma for the first time. So prior to going overseas, it was all network. And then when I was in London, I tried um a place called Boot Camp Pilates. And it was athletic, and I was like, oh, that's amazing. Interestingly, one of the trainers at Boot Camp, he wasn't my trainer, but one of the trainers at Boot Camp was um Aaron from KX Pilates. So he came back to Melbourne and he opened up KX Pilates, which it was very similar to what we'd be doing at Bootcamp, but like, and he's just like gone forth and prospered. So as a person who was practicing Plightis, I thought that's just so good. Like I've got um Elixir and I'm really, really enjoying it. And then I got married, had my first baby, and then felt pregnant with my second one really quick and thought, oh my god, I just can't go back into that advertising corporate world. For me, it just it was very full on, which pre-kids I loved. I think I love that sort of adrenaline of being busy. I like being busy. But when you've got your kids, you sort of think, oh, I don't want to, I don't mind leaving them. I have no problem leaving them with, you know, as offices as they've got good care. But goodness, I want to be passionate about what I'm leaving them for. And so I thought, why don't I go back? Actually, I was in the middle of a Matwork Pilates class at a good community gym. And I think I was on 4.0 hover or something. I thought, well, that's right. I used to want to teach this. And so, and that was around the same time I found out I was pregnant with number two. So I was like, okay, as soon as she's born, as soon as they're born, I didn't know if it was for the Bell Reboy. And so six weeks after Bib was born, I enrolled in Elixir and I was teaching within three months. I was just, it was one of those things where I thought, I just had this aha moment the first day in the course. And keep in mind I was six week old, so physically I was feeling like shit. No sleep. My body was still all jelly. But I was in this room with all these fit people. I was like, this is it. Like this is exactly what I want to do. And when I started getting out practice teaching, I was like, oh my gosh. And like I like this. I I like presenting on topics that I know about. And this was information I was really excited to learn about and learn in depth. And I remember even when I was doing the teacher training program course with them, having this thought in the back of my head, one day I want to be these people. Like one day I want to be teaching people how to teach this. Anyway, so for the first five years, I was just an instructor. And I shouldn't say just an instructor, I was considered myself pro for for most for foremost uh mother who taught Pilates as you know to supplementary income. And then um So you left the corporate world then. Yeah, like so I went in. So I was I'd extended my mat leave and then found I was pregnant with number two. And then Memsay I was like, nah, I'm not going back. So I knew my boss and I was like, um, no, can't I? Not coming back. Which was fine. I mean, and that and that's the thing you realised in the corporate world as well. Like by that stage, there was someone doing my job. So it wasn't even now, oh no, please call us stay. I was like, okay, no, that's strength of drama, so got someone anyway. Like you're so replaceable. And so yeah, it didn't, it wasn't a huge issue for me to then take the time, do the course and get teaching. And so for that my first first five years, it was beautiful. I had, I was always there for school pickup, um, night times. I mean, I left early, I worked early in the morning. My husband at the time, he'd do the morning run, and I'd be from you know, 2 p.m. onwards, it was all me. Uh, and I really liked it. Anyway, fast forward five years, and then I thought I think that sort of that bit of me, the ambitious part of me, also thought, goodness, what where am I in 20 years' time? You know, am I gonna be begging to get the afternoon shift at some local gym because no one wants me anyone, not the you know, the bright new thing. And then I thought I really need to have something that's mine. I thought a studio. And also by that stage I'd worked at multiple, um, I'd go to gyms, I'd worked at little stud boutique studios. I thought, actually, I think I really know what would make a good studio. Uh and I also had had like I've never been a dancer, so I've been more of a gym person. I really liked PT. I really liked toylifting weights. I've been going to Barry's at the time as well, and I really liked the double four. Don't ever get me on a treadmill, but double four I lucked. I thought this is all, this is a really good movement. And I think we should have all of this in one class. And if you go back to sort of the idea of like a mother, we're all time poor. If we can scratch out 50 minutes, I mean it's not even 50 minutes, that's a class. You've got to think about how you're getting there, how you're getting home. So it's like it's a really big investment for you time-wise to get out. So let's get the all the exercise done in one class. And so that's when I thought, okay, I'm gonna open up a studio, I need a point of difference. Let's try and make 50 minutes really, you know, get the most out of it. So uh actually, we were talking earlier about Monique Simpson. So she was um one of my uh instructor friends at the time. Uh Monique actually was the director of Pilates at Body Mind Life, where I was teaching the majority of my classes at that time. That's where I met you. Yeah, that's where I met you. So yeah. So Mon actually, she had two babies in the time that I was at Body Mind Life. And each time she went on her Mat Leap, I covered. So that was where I got the chance to sort of practice leading the team. And I really liked that. Anyway, so Mon was my sounding board. I remember we're at a coffee shop in Surrey Hills and no taking. And Mon is an incredibly generous person, not only with uh like her but her time, but her knowledge. She's a person who will never actually acknowledge how much she knows. She always learns more. I think a lot of us sort of go, Oh, I know that, I don't need to learn anymore. Not Mon. She will always take the information on board, and she so having her as that sort of sounding board at the start was really um beneficial to me because she shared her knowledge so open openly, and she really wanted me to sort of succeed. So set up the plan, and um, that was in the end uh towards the end of 2019. And yeah, so then I was like, okay, and totally naive.

SPEAKER_00 8:19

So is that how long you're in business now?

SPEAKER_01 8:21

Yeah, since 2019.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Well, the studio opened July on the 1st of July 2020. So I think it was a week after the first lockdown. Interestingly, the location that um you've went to, the the roseberry location, it's the cannery. So anyone who's not canning soup requires a change of use. If I hadn't required that change of use and I had just opened up, I was going to open up on the 22nd of February 2020, or a month before lockdown, it would have, it would have totally ruined me. But instead, I was actually able to proceed with the main application and even um once they once the change of use came through, I was able to proceed with the uh setup because what was what was the clause in in COVID? If you were doing building and development, you're able to keep working.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

I feel like a lot of people have uh almost even just blanked call that they're like, what? On if I mean I immediately lockdown.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

That was I think the world's sort of divided in half between the people who COVID helped and the people who COVID didn't help. I was luckily in the um the category of the people that COVID helped because it gave me that freedom when I couldn't do anything else to set up the business, which was not only, I mean, I was learning things about brand development, logos, website, marketing strategies, which learned pretty quickly I had to be able to I had to delegate. Uh, and then what really passionate about is setting up a studio. You know, what what's the flooring I want? Do I want curtains, mirrors, what's the equipment? How do I want this place to look and feel so that I'm, you know, it is the best version of a studio. And I've I'd taken on what I'd experienced in the past as an instructor and also as a participant. So then I opened up and I was really worried about the TV component. So at Hip Loddes, we start our classes with 12 minutes of high-intensity interval training on a TV screen. And my methodology was I didn't like the places where as a, you know, the the instructor was on the stage performing everything really well. Because I'm thinking, okay, well, if they're performing it really well, their neck is in alignment with the posture. And they're not looking around with room to making sure that everyone else is lifting correctly, moving correctly, you know, holding heavy enough dumbbells of fake sleep if it's a dumbbell component. So I thought, okay, I want the screens to show the circuit, the hit circuit, and the instructor to walk around and check people's form because my big point of difference, I want it to be, was a place where you could push yourself as hard as possible, but you weren't going to get hurt. Um, I'd come from teaching a quite athletic style of Pilates everywhere I taught. And people were like, I love your classes, but I miss my cardio, or I love my classes, but I miss the gym. And so, and I also had a lot of people who came to me from the likes of I don't want to name names, but you know, places where you go you're really heavy, really hard, and they'd hurt themselves. And I was so the physio is then you should do Pilates. So I was like, okay, that's the one thing. If I'm going to be asking them to lift heavy, it's going to be off the reformer. It's going to be in a PT setting with the instructor walking around. And then we get on the reformer and all the fun stuff starts.

SPEAKER_00 11:19

And I think that's the important part, Carla. Sorry, just to cut in. That's what I remember you and Monique for for because I went when I was pregnant with Dauphine and I was like 39 weeks, I think I went to.

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

And you were both so on me all the time. It was like, just straighten up there, Tina. Just do that. Like you were really caring and you watched, whereas, like, I've been at other studios and they didn't necessarily have that same care or maybe even the experience. But that was the one thing I always remembered you guys about because I was like, oh, okay, I feel safe. Like I can push myself to say because I'm pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Exactly. And that was the biggest thing as well, coming from a person who'd had, like at that stage, three children. And my my youngest was not yet two when I opened up Rosebery. I'd been a pregnant woman. I was pregnant. I wasn't broken. You know, we've got part, you know, you can still move, and I think we want to move as well. You know, we don't we don't generally have the same energy levels. We have days where we don't want to move, but on the days that we do when we carve at that time, why can't we work hard? And just because, you know, certain exercises and movement patterns are no longer, I'd say, well, safe is one thing, or just practical, you can't make that shape anymore, doesn't mean you can't work other body parts. So um, that was my one thing as well. I um say one thing, that was another thing. I wanted a space that was not beginner, intermediate, advanced, but you were welcome at all levels. Um because I taught at places, and again, I've got quite an athletic style, I taught at places where you had beginner classes, intermediate and advanced, and there was this assumption that a beginner class should be easy. And I'm like, why? I mean, it needs to be foundational. You need to grow everything well, but just because you're a beginner doesn't mean you don't have strong arms or strong legs. Um, and just because you're advanced doesn't mean you're great at everything. Uh and then I teach advanced classes and I can't wait till you do your dynamic class. And as an instructor, I'd be like, oh my God, like I would get anxiety. So I'm like, what do they expect me to do? Teach them to fly? Like, I don't know how I can make this class any harder. So, and I also my classes aren't technically difficult. I really love to layer exercises. So you start at a base level for those who want more, for those who want more top the ante. And so I feel like you you I feel like I'm back in one now.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

I feel like I'm back in one new classes. Well, you should be coming back.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

When are you coming back? If you see me on Tuesday, come see me on Tuesday. But I think that's that's the benefit of having a um a mixed ability group class. And I also think that's quite that's one of the lovely things, participating in a mixed ability group class because as a participant, there will be things that you enjoy over others. And I think you can look to the room and go, oh, I know I say you can be impressed by your neighbor, but you're not competing with them. So you'll be able to see certain and also that same person might be really good at legwork. And then they get to a push-up component, you're going deeper than them. It's like, yes. Yeah. You know, oh, that was that was so good at that leg stuff, but gosh.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

I always felt quite good in the class when I'd see the guys on the beds and you know, they're coming in all broy, and yeah, I can do this. And then you can see them when they're trying to like keep their balance, and I'm like, oh, it's not that easy, is it? No, I look I'm I'm terrible with that as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

So if someone says they're gonna bring their partner and their boyfriend or the husband or something, or their brother, um, I'm like, awesome, let me know which day because I will I I sort of like ship sandwich the class. So I start with something that they're gonna be really good at. It's like upper body strength, that sort of thing, or leg strength, and then you know, footwork, they're fine with that. And then I'll give things like balance and oblique and inner fives, that sort of stuff that they don't really touch. But then I'll always finish with push-ups. So they're humbled in the middle, and then at the end, it's like, yeah, there you go. I can bring my I I'm leaving. Oh, that class is awesome. But um, I like doing it because yeah, and that's the thing, Plitis doesn't, it's not easy. And when um layered well, it can be a really, really well, it is, it's a really good exercise for everybody and every ability. And so that's again my point is that Pilates is for everybody. The springs are will make every single exercise achievable. You can give yourself more support or less support, more load, less load, and you can all try and make the same sort of shapes, and it's gonna be the right thing for you. So that's when I found reform like years ago. That's why I loved it. I was like, this is great. And also I can have a good day or a bad day, and my performance affects no one else in the room. That's for fitness. That's my my partner now. He goes to a team session on a Friday, and I've gone to a couple and I've lost my last performance and I'm never going again. You're participating as a team, you're, you know, trying to get a certain amount of cows, you're moving around the room, and you know, if I'm having a bad damage, oh my god, I'm letting everyone down. And some people might thrive off that, but I actually I sort of go to a block mode. I'm like, no, and I'll just can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

And I think that's probably I'd like to probably go back at a piece before I forget about what we were talking about. You we were talking about the motherhood there. And you were talking around the fact, and you're not the first person, you're probably about the hundredth person I've spoken to around you were like, you know what, I just can't do it anymore. Like I don't I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to leave my kids go into a corporate world and answer emails. What do you think? How in your in your ambition, what what switched, like what changed? You still had ambition, so it's not like you still want to work.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

No, I I wanted something that when I was away from them, I was doing something that I was passionate about, but also in the service of others. I think if I'm going to be away from them, because also I um am a very good delegator and I love my children, but teaching them to read and the patience of puzzles and all that sort of stuff is not my jam. The educators at their daycares were brilliant. You get like my youngest one, she went to Montessori. I swear to God, that kid is so clever because of the educators there, not because of me. So I was like, well, I need to, I need to delegate the real I can I mean I will give them all the love and all the attention and all of that sort of stuff. And I can read to them. But the patience to help them learn, they needed to go to, you know, daycare or um yeah, preschool where they could they could learn that. Okay, so then though they're gonna be away from me. What's something I can do that I will get it, I might will fill my cup. And so I'd always loved the Pilates. So I, you know, doing the teacher training at the time, whilst it was full on, was perfect. And then opening up the studio, I suppose at that stage, so my older two were five, I don't know how long I they were sort of seven and eight, my younger. So what were they like one year? They were 15 months apart. I wanted to have them in this I wanted to have Irish twins. Um January, and I said to my husband at the time, I was like, if we still pregnant right now, I can have one in December. He's like, no.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

The pregnancy hormones are like the hormones are still in your body.

SPEAKER_01 18:06

Yeah, let's have more and punch them out. Yeah, just do it. So I was told to cease and desist. And then later, we also had a holiday planned. It's like, look, just let's do it for a bit later. And so Viv was 15 months after Trixie. Uh and yeah, and then I I literally six weeks after she was born, I went to the digital training. I think that's possibly what helped me as well. Because as a new mum with two very young kids very close together, I had something that was for me that wasn't just mum. And I really do, I do love my role as a mum. I really do. I just need something else for me.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

We're so similar because I was the same. I had Oshina, like he's six now, and then Maggie is three and a half. And so I found out I was doing my yoga teacher training with tea in now yoga, and I was doing handstands, and I was like, Oh, I feel a bit weird, weird and like a little bit um fuzzy. And she was like, You know, I'm pregnant, are you? And I'm like, no, you weren't trying. Not actively, no. And then it was like, oh, actually, yeah, I'm pregnant. And she goes, I kind of felt something from you. And then I had Maggie, and I just remember the days of like COVID, and you were at home with like baby number one, Nashin, and I was just like, I need something for myself so that I'm not bored when they're asleep. Yeah, and I started doing my coaching, then I did like live coaching with Beautiful You Academy, and I started doing that. So I remember Brace Feet and Maggie at eight weeks, being on calls, and they're like, it's just I think we're always kind of searching. We get bored sitting down and we just want to do something else.

SPEAKER_01 19:32

Absolutely, I absolutely get bored. Uh, I also think just having that identity other than so that I I didn't feel like I was overwhelmed by that one identity. I wanted to have my thing. And and then I also think so going back to us in with a studio as well, it's like, okay, well, I don't want to be begging for the afternoon shift late in my later years. I've always been ambitious. I don't want my career to sort of end on a downward scale. And I wanted to have something that was going to help me support the children and I. Um the having a studio that was my and at that and at that stage, honestly, it was well. Actually, I think I'm going back to Monique and I in the cafe, I think I had said to her I had like eight locations in Sydney I wanted to have after a certain amount of years. And then the second lockdown happened. And then I had at that stage I had two locations closed down for that whole time, paying rent, no income. And I thought I'm never opening another studio again. So I wrote the teacher, I wrote a teacher training program in that time. And so now I have the academy, the HIC Academy as one part of the business and the studios. Uh so again, for me, both lockdowns are made work for me. They actually worked really well for me. But I decided after that that I was gonna work in the franchise model, which is where I'm at now. So I've got one franchisee that opened up in January 25. The franchise model is how I want my you know, my baby, my brand baby to grow because I believe in it. I believe in the product, I believe in the the training methodology, love what I've created. I want to see more of them out there, but I don't want to help hold the leases.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Oh, absolutely. That's just like you're like the pimp queen. Like people make it work when they need to make it work, right? Some people like COVID, you know, lap down times. It was difficult, but like you've just literally transformed your business model.

SPEAKER_01 21:22

So I think it's I've just always been a glasses heartful person. And I think that's probably got a lot to do with how I was brought up as well. I was really encouraged by my parents. I was the youngest of three. We're very similar gaps. So my sisters are 11 months apart, and then six years later I was I was born. I think they learned a lot with my older two sisters, and by the time I came around, they were a bit more flexible with me. Um, but if I wanted to try a speech and drama program, yes, it was yes. If they wanted me to put the piano for a number of years, I think they're probably regretting that. Um, but it was always yes. Like they I was encouraged to be whatever I wanted to be.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

Yeah. And

SPEAKER_01 22:00

And I always knew there was a safety net in that I didn't ha I didn't have to six be successful in everything, but give everything a go. And so I think that um has helped me in what I've done because I back myself. I'm like, well, I'm gonna give it a go. And then also there's a little bit of ego in it that well, I've given it a go, but I don't failing's not an option. So you have to pivot. You know, when you present with new information, you might change your direction. And that's that's a good thing. I think that is that's part of um I don't want to get into the deep depths of why my marriage ended, but I mean that sort of that can be another The glass is half full and you present him with new information, we pivot. That's me. And he was very much he said, you're gonna do A, B, C, D, E. Why are we off here? And because new information's come about. So we can't follow down that path because we don't have the same information now. We need to we need to work with what we've got.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

I can keep up. He was just like, oh, I just won straight.

SPEAKER_01 23:05

We got a straight line. I was, yeah, I was far too um I and that's I think everyone finds their person because you sort of go, Okay, well that's he's not he's not right and I'm not wrong. It's more just you need to be aligned. And we weren't aligned um for that. So yeah, the quickly after the second studio opened and as we entered lockdown two, I l we I left the marriage, sold the house, and took you know, we split the kids half and half. But yeah, so I was I was running two studios and to teach training academy and had three kids on my own half the time. So it's one of those things you're like, well, failure's not an option. So you just have to keep on and you plug away and plug away. Yeah, you do the positives and things as well. And I think that's uh that's what I love about my job. So I could be having everything awful going on, and I come and I teach a Pilates class to people that's a hard class, that I make people do things that they didn't think they could do and they feel amazing afterwards. And at the end of that class, pretty much every single person will be like, oh my God, thank you so much. And so I was coming to a place where after every class, and sometimes I was teaching eight or nine classes a day. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. So for me, it was filling my cup. I might come home and things are tough and hard, but I go to work, and I don't think a lot of places you go to work and you're thanked all the time. But for us, we are. If you if you are genuine, and like you're saying with Monique and I, you felt genuinely seen, you felt safe in our hands. Well, you're gonna be appreciative and you're gonna give me beautiful energy back. And so I get to feed off all those people.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

I was gonna say, Carla, it's the energy you give out, though, as well. That's what you get back.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Think about everything you've just said there as well. I'm like, wow, that's a lot. Like you've got a business, you've got kids, you know, you've separated from your husband. Like, there's a lot of mental load that goes with that.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

Like, how do you do you just have little boxes or I think in Moscow? I know I definitely compartmentalised. And I think that's the um coming into the studio towards the end of the marriage, it was when I realized that the studio was where I was my truest self, and I was coming home to a place where I was amending my behaviour in order to keep peace. And I thought, oh goodness, and going back to being a mum, I've got three daughters, and I thought I don't want them to think this is what you get you aim for in a relationship. So being ships of the night and then you know, walking on different sides of the island bench and not talking, not communicating, that's where we were at. So so that to not fight in front of the girls, it's like, well, this isn't this isn't okay. Um I I want to be either on my own or in a relationship where they're seeing me, you know, really loved and cared for. And it's taken, well, it took a, you know, more than three years, four years for me to find a relationship that I'm just like, oh, I'm okay for you to see this one. Like, I'd like you to see how we interact because this is a healthy relationship. And I would rather them see me in no relationship than something that wasn't. I think I said to myself, this was, you know, when it was all in the depths of everything. And it was a very I'm I think I might sort of downplay it now. I'm not gonna lie, it was a really tough time, but I went and put my game face on, you know, six or seven days a week, teaching in front of people and getting beautiful energy. So I think that's probably what helped me through it. But it was really tough. And at the time it was like you're making a big decision, you're gonna leave a relationship. You've got three children. It was like, if in 30 years' time one of my girls was in this marriage and they were telling me about it, I'd be like, get the fuck out. Yeah, but get out. So you have to look after yourself too and be a this isn't if I would if I wouldn't want this for my friend or my child, then I don't want it for me either.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Um so it's been almost six years.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

And I'm sure you've modeled like a nice relationship to your daughters now. Like they're not seeing that like avoidance and the you know, we're just here because I know it's a really interesting fact that like if a lot of mental health for kids actually happens from their mother and father's relationship, it undoubtedly like that hit home for me. I was like, oh my god. So that's it.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Absolutely. And so that was I had this light bulb moment. I had a few light, so I think the three first one at the time I realized if my marriage ended, it wasn't failure. Because if we go back to the fact that I am quite an ambitious person, I've always strived to be, you know, very good at whatever I set out to achieve. The marriage ending would seem like a big failure. And then I realised actually it's not a failure, it's a pivot. It's a and and also it's a chapter we were together for 18 years. In my mind, I've I've got this beautiful big like the book of me. I'm like, that's a few chapters. I've still got the whole book to read, and I don't that doesn't I need to go A, B, C, D, E, B. I've got the new information, I'm gonna pivot. So marriage wouldn't be a f and engine would be a failure, and that light bulb moment of, you know, if the girls were in this marriage, it wouldn't be something I'd I'd be happy for them. So with all of that, I was able to sort of take on this new lease of life and then having that idea of well, you know, I'll wait until I'm in a relationship where I'm very comfortable with them seeing it. Because I think it's really important for kids to see healthy relationships.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Because it's probably like like you said, it's lockdown as well, brought out a lot of that, right? Because you were spending all that time with that one person, or maybe you weren't because you were in the shoe. We were already we were already in the shit, to be fair. Yeah, you're in the shit, but it brings out the optional, like it rinses it out through the wash and then those like, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:37

Um most people were having babies, or the other half were like, right, we've got and look, and they also say that a lot of marriages do break up, you know, in when people are in their 40s because women just get to the point where like, nah, I'm not doing this anymore. And and that's a big point for us as well, because I was at 20 when he and I got together. So as a 20-year-old me, I made a well, we didn't get married then, but you know, he was a person I was with, hmm, who you think is the right life partner for you? You've got such limited information about yourself. And so I think um, you know, when I was sort of 35, I started going, I I I started to recognise who I was. I mean, at that my late 20s, early 30s, I was having babies and and working to supplement income and that sort of thing. And then I started getting to the point where I was like, okay, hang on, well, let's go back to who I am. And um, and I think that you know, the best my friends who have the best relationships have been together for you know 20 something years. They grow together. And that's wonderful. I think you know that there are people who can do that. And then you also go, okay, well, actually, if I was picking, if you know, if I was picking you now, I wouldn't, I wouldn't pick you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

People didn't grow apart, and that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Well, I think it's more I don't think people grow, well, yeah, they do grow apart if you think about where they're going. Everyone is growing, everyone is changing. We do. Like as a human, as a human, you should. That's the beauty of us. Every single day, we look a little different, we walk a differ a little different, we sound a little different because we are being moulded by the the community, the environment, everything around us. And so it's learning to or accepting the changes in your partner and and not seeing them as a detriment, but seeing them as like, oh, this is okay, so now we're gonna deal with this. So for the girls now, he's with the new person, they're like, oh, they they never fight. That's great. My partner and I, we're not fighting. So for my mind, it's like the best thing ever because now they get two homes where they see people who are better suited. And I think that's because we've made partner choices later in life. Well, we have a better idea. When we're mature, we've got a better idea who we are. And now I'm not saying that for everyone. I I love my friends who are still together with their partners, but I think for me, I was able to recognise that when I went to work at the studio, I was my more authentic self. And so I was like, this is I need to be with the person who's going to support me, being my most more authentic self and not be scared of or um angered by the development of me.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

And like threatened. And I feel like you're a really strong character in terms of like, you know, you're worth, you don't need someone that potentially to carry you. Like for you've obviously proved that. And I think that sticks out in people because like you know, some women are like, I actually need a relationship, I want to be with someone. Whereas I'm just not getting that vibe from you. No, it's like you won't be by myself.

SPEAKER_01 31:24

You won't now, but it gosh, there were times when I was really questioning the whole thing. But I think as well, I recognized who I was in that relationship was a very small version of myself. And because I compartmentalized, so if you go back to how I'd probably been able to do this, I was the version of me at work. I think I've always been this the version of me at work and my friends, and the version of me in relationships. And the I suppose that relationship was definitely my longest um relationship. But in that relationship, I didn't wear the pants at all. Um, but I was just I had learnt to be a version of me that didn't rock the boat too much. But then I got to go to work and be my big bold self. So people at work would be like, I can't even if I talk to them about the problems we're going through, they're like, it doesn't even seem like you, like you wouldn't let that happen or you wouldn't be that and went nine-year-old. So and that was again, I don't think his fault. It was more my my my lack of knowledge. He had in, you know, in my early 20s, realized that I could be a version of myself and things would sort of plod along. And that was absolutely my choice. And then in my 30s, I was like, I go, I don't want to be that version of myself. It's not me. So I think that's that that's the hard part as well when relationships break down. Because if one person isn't aware that the other person was subconsciously changing themselves, it's not their fault either. It's like, yeah, I have, I've changed, and but I think it's okay to change.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Like if you liken it to anything, like it's like work, you know, like what you pick to do when you were 20, you're not doing that now. Like most people. And I see, you know, my nephews and nieces at home in Ireland, and like even, you know, people that I know here with kids, and they're trying to choose what they want to do at 18, 19 for the rest of their life. And I'm like, guess what? Spoiler alert, you don't need to do it like for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

Life as the girls now is when I mean, look, my so girls have got seven and a half, almost 13 and 14, is what are you what are you passionate about, what do you enjoy doing? Let's try and figure out a way to get paid to do it. And and then in time, when your passions change, you might then change careers. I mean you did it yourself as well. Like it's you go, okay, well, and also you've got more skill sets. So like you work. And I think so I did a I did a law degree, got a communications law degree, which mum and dad paid for. Thanks, Mom, thanks, dad. And so when I went just gave back to them on the afternoon, no, they didn't think but when I was, you know, retraining as they were they were quite happy for me to be in magazines, they were quite happy for me to be in advertising. And when I said um, you know, I'm gonna do Plot East training. I was like, what? Why? Why? And I sort of try and say to them, you know, everything I've learned through the university degrees, through the courses I've done, I've done a lot of different fitness courses, everything I learn I now put into practice. And so it's knowledge shouldn't be limited and and you don't have to lock in one career. If you're interested in something, follow that, learn about that, because you're probably going to retain the information all the better. Like I took in that Bloody's course, I fast trapped it because I was so passionate about it. If you made me do a course on web development, I probably wouldn't finish it by now because I'm just not passionate about it. If you find things that you're passionate about and then trying to figure out a really practical way of getting paid for it.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

And I think as well, when you listen to the niggles and you listen to the the ideas that are downloading for you are given to you for a reason, right? So like it's like you're not just thinking about them. They're they're given to everyone. So it's whether you've act on them or not. And again, like you said, you can't just go off into the world and like pretend that you're gonna be or just do yoga teacher training and pretend, you know, I'm gonna earn loads of money for being a yoga teacher training. Because in Sydney that's not practical, right? You have to have some other way of making money. It's just too expensive here. But it's actually just change in your way of thinking around, okay, if I could do that, then what else can I do? And like have like a multi-coder purpose career because Well, that's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

So that's so I wanted to become a plot instructor because at that time it was a job that I could really balance with the kids. And then I thought I kind of need a struct I need safety instruction and some job security studio. And then I was like, well, this is an all right earning potential, but let's open another one and see how I you know, how much money we're making on that one. Um, and then when I had lockdown and I was like, this uh this isn't any money, then the teacher training. So then I was like, well, then there'll be another revenue stream for the business. Uh but it's also worked out really well for me because I do like to shift my focus on, you know, you have different levels of energy towards a business. I have different levels that sometimes I'm very passionate about sheer growth, and that's where I want to put all my you know time and investment. And this might be for a day or two or a week or more. And then I'm really focusing on the academy and how I can maybe develop it, what else is what other things I can do with that. Having my own business has allowed me to be very creative and fulfill my desires, basically. If I think about it, I'm like, if I want, I want to do that, well, why can't I do that? So let's let's see how that's gonna work. But then obviously, as it's grown too, needing to hire more people to help me because I can't do it all. And also I don't want to do it all because I really like coming home when I because I only have the kids half the time now, share care of my ex-husband. When I have those girls, I want to be present. I want to be able to sit down and watch Ice Age with Poppy. You know, I just want I just want to be able to do that and not feel bad about it. So I need to be able to have people helping me so that I can spend time with my kids, go away on holidays, and know that the studios will run and the academies will still run. So that's I'm now in that sort of growth stage of hiring the right people so that I can continue doing what I'm doing and focus my energy on the past I really love.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

That's actually led in beautifully. Because in my mind I was like, how then, because it's a big they're similar, right? Motherhood and leadership. How do you go about leading? Like, what do you think is your strength with leading people? Because there's challenges, it's so many challenges.

SPEAKER_01 37:25

I don't know if I'm the best uh leader of a team. I'm too emotionally involved. I'm a little bit too much like the mother, um, which is okay when you've got like eight or nine instructors, but then when you've got 27, and everyone's got like having 27 children, they don't all get along all the time. And you're trying to fix things. And so I I think I I try and lead from a place of how would I like to be led, which I'm lucky works very well for the majority of my team. And then there are some people who need to be led in a different way. So I've recently hired a student performance manager who's coming in with wealth of experience on business development and management and systems and operations. And I think having her now will really help for those people who need information presented in a different way. Yeah. Uh, because at 42, I don't know if I'm learning new ways of communication. I could try, I can try, but to have the the two, like the two of us now communicate information in the best way for the team, I think is better. Um, because yeah, I'm I'm the person who'll sit down face to face. We'll have a heart to heart, we'll get to the root of the information and and then you know move forth and prosper excitedly. And then some people just don't do well like that.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

So I think having her out can you can't but it's just that help, kind of because I mean, and it's a skill. I work in organizations as well. I go way in and I'm like, okay, so when did you teach this leader to be a leader? Because you know, they're a fantastic technician, but then they've been promoted up along the ranks. But what he's doing now is actually uh way, way, way away from what I think. Would you come in and and assess me, please?

SPEAKER_03 39:15

You assess one.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

How could I I I yeah, I think there's certain things that I could improve upon. I do try I just try I think intuitively I just try and feel where the other person's coming. That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? But you know, feel the energy of someone. So like that's why face-to-face is so good for me. So if I'm having a problem, I try not to have a conversation with that person over the phone because I won't be able to feel where the energy's at so that I can modify how I communicate to them. Yeah. Whereas if face-to-face I start talking to you and you start sort of pulling away or I'm seeing facial expressions of like, oh, this is not working with Tina, I will try and change the verbs, the the the the the tone of voice or or the words that I'm using so that I can hopefully get my point across and not everyone's better for it.

SPEAKER_00 39:55

Yeah, not everyone can deal with that. That's the funny thing. They just they're like, I don't want confrontation, even though it's not confrontation, but you're just trying to read the room.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

I think reading the room I've gotten from my teachers, my teaching and my instructing as well. I'm all and I say that to the academy girls as well and boys, uh, you've got to read the room. You might have a class plan that you're so proud of. But if you start teaching it and it's just not resonating, you've got to read the room and and tweak or layer slightly differently so that you're still doing what you set out to do, but in a way that's gonna really um yeah, work for for the people that you've got in front of you.

SPEAKER_00 40:28

And we're not robots, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:29

So what's the biggest feeling you've had when you're leading a team, leading a person, is any particular I think just put probably poor communication on my part and and it probably comes down to times where I am under stress or overworked and maybe I I miscommunicate something or I just forget. I think I've had the conversation, I haven't, and we go back later and there's sort of like there's a backtracking of like, oh crap, sorry. That was in my head and I didn't get it out. I think that happens probably more frequently, but not too um flee, not to any level where it's been really, really bad, Mavic. But yeah, the that's the issues that we have in the running of the studios now is more just I thought I told you, I thought I asked you, and I was like, oh, okay, yeah, no, I didn't do that. Or I didn't communicate that idea to everyone, because also you have all these different people to communicate ideas to you. And you I may have told, okay, yeah, we're gonna be doing this, and I've told person A, B, and C, and I just thought that person D got it. And I was like, oh, actually, no, I find sorry, I forgot to tell you that.

SPEAKER_00 41:34

And sometimes they don't understand, like A, B, and C might understand, and then D just picks up a different meaning from what you've said. Absolutely. Even though it's the exact same thing you've said. It's just the the style and what people hear and what they they take in from it. In terms of that as well, then it's like repair. It's like your kids. You know, we're not all perfect. I scream, they scream, everyone screams, but like it's the actual repair afterwards. And I think that's what makes the difference. Like if you actually own it and go, that's not cool for me to do that. I wouldn't like it if you did that to me, and you repair it. And I think it's the same. I always liken it to workplaces. I'm like, if you own it and just go, I was having a really shitty day, you got me at a really bad moment, I shouldn't have, you know, exposed to you like that. Then I think it's just easier for people to absorb that.

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Absolutely. I am, I mean, I try and um emulate this with my kids as well. Is that you can always say, always apologize. You might not have meant it, it might not have been your intention, but if that is how someone has received it, you still have to say sorry for that affecting you in that way. I think that's a very, very big thing for everyone to learn.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Sometimes it's like they're eating lemons when they are apologizing.

SPEAKER_01 42:43

Yeah. But my my youngest still won't do it. She gets it a little bit more from her dad's side, but it's more I really, really, really try and own it if I stuff up. And I'm sure I'll have some of my instructors may be listening. Uh, I hope, I hope I have. And I actually, um with my new hire recently, I said to her, look, if I ever say anything to you that you take the wrong way, please know 100% I haven't meant it. So just let me know straight away. I'm the type of person I would like to just I don't like but when people talk about people behind people's backs. And as our team grows, there's a lot of, like I said, there's a lot of instructors and they don't all necessarily like each other. It's really hard because I'm like, I think it's so much better if you just face it. You said that, I didn't like it. You know, and and and then the other person goes, Oh, I didn't mean it that way, you then have to follow up with, I'm sorry, I made you feel that way. Because you just doesn't matter how much you didn't mean it that way. They've if they've taken it that way, and they could have taken it that way for so many other reasons. They've had other stuff going on, they're a bit more you know sensitive at this time. But if you just own it and go, okay, and let's move on.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

Because I I don't like Holly Rogers. I don't just think life's too short.

SPEAKER_00 43:50

And if that's true, like I've against that organization. What's going on? And then you can pick it up in teens, I can pick it up straight away. And I'm like, okay, you've got that. That culture of like you'll go into a room or you'll have a little corridor conversation about someone, but you won't actually have that conversation with the person. So that just means that some like resentment just blesters. It does. And it just like it's like a concert that spreads through the whole place. And I'm like, why don't you just have the conversation with the person if they've pissed you off that much? Yeah, just like it out.

SPEAKER_01 44:21

Yeah, absolutely. And it's and it's not something that we always do very, very well. But I think if we always have an intention that we'll try. So I think that's the hardest thing that I sort of find with the growth of the business and and just expanding, especially with franchises as well, trying to keep what I wanted to set up when I set up with this business. I wanted a studio that I would want to teach in. I wanted to be a boss that I would want to work for. And I wanted to be a studio that I want to be a member of as well. So it's like they're they're quite sometimes they're not always the same things. And you sort of just try and find a way around all of it. Um, but I thought I think with, you know, as long as I'm true to that, I'm not gonna be everyone's cup of tea. And I send that as well for the studio because we're hit Pilates. So it's high intensity, it's all training. It's hard. And I can I can modify through your injuries, I can layer it up, I can be encouraging when you don't want to go 100% over exercise. I appreciate that. I myself don't go 100% over exercise, but we're not gonna be, you know, a dancey, flowy, breathwork place. That's that's not us. But there are so many other studios that do that.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

I was gonna say, but that's your unique.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

Absolutely. Like so I said to my instructors as well, because I'm like, oh, maybe we need to be like not as hard. I'm like, no, no, no. We need to be consistent. We need to be consistent. Every single class you put you teach, you were consistently you. You can have your own flair and your own style, but be consistently you don't be, I don't want someone to come to my class and think, oh, what mood is colouring today? What type of class are we gonna get? And I've had that as with instructors before. Sometimes the class has been amazing, not my instructors. This is when I was, you know, when I was teaching at other studios and when I was practicing at other studios. But sometimes I'd love the instructor. I'd be like, oh my god, that class is amazing. And then I'd come to a class and go, oh, that class, like she didn't want to be there. Yeah, I could feel it. And so if we are just consistent in what we deliver, we are not gonna be everyone's cup of tea, but that's okay. They can go somewhere else. There's so many Plighty studios these days. But it means that for the people who are part of our uh studio and part of our community, they will know what style Nicole is, they'll know what style gasm is, they'll know what style I am, and they can decide whether or not, you know, which studio they're gonna go and check out the city.

SPEAKER_00 46:28

Sometimes it might be like I feel like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

I've got the energy, I'm gonna do it. And so I think that's yeah, but if we're always consistently us, then it will help them, the the clients make a good decision about which class they're gonna go to that day.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Yeah. So I guess in all of this, and I'm here in the business and the studios and franchise and everything that you have. Where's your self-care at? Like how do you factor that in? What is it? What does it look like?

SPEAKER_01 46:53

So I always say to myself, I need to practice more, I need to get it to more classes and I need to get it to the gym because I also like to live really, really heavy. And I'm not making time for myself to do that lately because it's not what my body's really calling out for. What I really love is waking up early in the morning, going for an hour and a bit walk. It's and I do the same route. So we're moving house this weekend and next certain weekend. And the worst thing about it, I'm so excited about every part of the new chapter, really excited that I'll lose my walk. So for the last three and a half week um years, I've lived in Piemont and I've done this amazing walk. Oh, yeah. And that bridge all around like Glee Violet. It's perfect. I love it. And it's yeah, I sometimes take my middle daughter on it, or boat lately she's been sleeping in because we go really early. That for me, that time in the morning, listening to music as well, not podcast, but music, just music that I know it can be in the background, and I see the sunrise, and it's a it's an hour, about an hour and five, and I'm walking at a good pace. So I just get my steps inside in the morning and I get my head in the right space. Yeah, those days are my best days. The days when I'm tired and go, oh, so I'll I won't go for the walk today. I'll you know, I'm I'm swallowed. I just don't, I just don't bounce as with the back foot.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Like I find that as well. He was like you, I'm the gym girl, I liked the pilot, but like I can't always get to it now because you know people say, Oh, well, you know, you can get up early in the morning. I could, but like my three and a half year old has this like just obsession with me at the moment. So she's like a little sticky bandage, and as soon as you're up, she's up. The minute I'm up, she's up, or she's inside in the bed at me at half three because she's currently crying out for mommy. So like for me to get up at that time five, I will then risk awaken her. So exactly like that. I do my long walks, and it is for that like clearing of the head, and it's just a seasonal thing, right? Like you can go back then, maybe after your move, and in three months' time, you're like, right, okay, I'm back. I want to like lift really heavy stuff again.

SPEAKER_01 48:50

Well, that's it, exactly right. I mean, I know the times in my life where I've been spending more time in the studio and I've been going to the gym as well. I know I feel physically better, but I think the self-care for me is more about my brain and calming my mind and walking. It's just I for me, I can't beat it. I know people feel the same way about running, and that's an all-power to them. I can't do it. Running, it would be a punishment. But walking, fast walking, pounding the pavement, music, listening, you know, listening to music is just it's so restorative. I feel so much better for it. So that's that's probably my self-care. Um, I every I if I say to people for birthday, like you know, people say, What do you want your birthday? I'm like, I'll get me a massage because I'll never pay for it myself. But if I get a gift voucher from massage, I'll go. So I usually, you know, for my birthday, I get one or two massages. And whenever I'm there, I'm like, this is so nice. I should totally do this more often. But I wrong than I ever did. So yeah, so annually, I mean I'm going to get a massage, uh, but daily it's walking. And that's what I loved about when I before I opened the studio and I was teaching it um at that stage with with Body of Man like that a few locations, and walking from the Red Fern to the to Surrey Hills to Potts Point. So I was teaching at different times of the day and walking to each location. I and then I'd teach corporates in the city and I'd walk around from the city in time. So I'd done all of that, like probably three studios, lots of classes, uh, and then be back to pick the kids up at school. And it was just brilliant.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

They get a better version of you. And I know like you pass it down to them. I see it with David and Oshin and Maggie. They don't want to get in the car now. Like they want to walk home from school and they want me to bring over their bike so they can scoot home from daycare. And I enjoy it, they enjoy it. It's like that fresh air. It's just bundle them into the car half the time. It's more it takes more time, and you've deprived them with snacks. Whereas it's like, there's your bike, come on, let's go. It's a nice kind of wind out, I think, for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

Interestingly, we are moving a lot further away from the girls' school. So we're definitely we'll be driving a lot more. Um, we're moving to Northern Beaches, they're still going to the school in Kensington. So But the way I sold it to the girls is like we actually get the girls and I'm pretty good in the car. Uh it's probably the time. They're older. They are, but it's also they say that conversations in the car are more open because you're not looking at each other directly. So I do find that we have these really interesting conversations when we're when we're in the car. And I've said to the girls, yeah, we are going to be having a long time in the car every, you know, every other week, Monday to Friday, I'll be driving them into school and driving them home and I'll spend my time in the city studios. So for me, it works out well. It's fine. Yeah. But to the kids, I'm like, let's we get a time, every every morning, you know, we get to spend 25, 30, you know, 45, depending on traffic, minutes together.

SPEAKER_02 51:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:29

And in the afternoon, we get to talk about our day. From a mother's perspective, I'm not going to have that forever. I mean, they say, you know, what if the kids leave home at 18, or I don't think any of our kids are leaving home at 18. It's such a small percentage of their life that we actually have them. It feels so awe-consuming now, but it's such a small percentage of their life that we've got them. So for me to go, you know, for almost two hours every day, they are contained. Now we might not all be getting along in that time, but it's time that we are just with each other.

SPEAKER_00 51:57

And you're shoulder to shoulder, they can talk to you. It's like I always I was talking, I was at a parent teacher meeting today, and they were like, How's our shingle? And I'm like, I know the minute I go into school if there's been some kind of like emotional outburst, I can just tell on his face. And then that night I make sure I put him down to bed because he'll always talk to me. We'll be reading the book, and then it'll be like an open discussion around the big emotions. And it is, it feels tiring, it feels all-consuming, but again, it's not going to happen forever. You know, I've got older sisters that like their kids have moved out and they're like, what now? Yeah. You know, like grandkids. Like, that's what it is. It's it's it's just that new circle of life. I can't wait for grandkids.

SPEAKER_01 52:36

I said, I mean, I genuinely am so excited because I really think I will absolutely love the role of being grandmother. Um, I always say I'm gonna be like a nonna uh and just have every have them all over because I want for my girls, I want them to be able to do whatever they want to do, you know, and I think that's one thing if we go back to sort of motherhood and business. For my girls to see when I am away from them now, even Poppy said the other day, I felt bad while watching a movie, and I was I really said I was gonna sit down and watch the movie with her, and stuff came up that I had I had to get to. And so I'm there on my phone and she's lying on my lap, and I thought, This is all the bad stuff. Like, this is what we should not be doing. And I said, I finished the message and I said to Poppy, I was like, Oh, I'm really sorry that I was had to do so much work. And she's like, That's okay, mommy. You have to work because that's why we have our house. I'm glad I'm glad that that's what you're saying. But I want them to see me work hard. I want them to see me work weekends and be excited and passionate about what I'm doing because I want them to go back to have the relationship, emulating the relationship. I want them to also find something that they're passionate about.

SPEAKER_02 53:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:48

And so I've said, you know, when you do find that thing and you do have your kids, I will look after those kids. I mean, I won't need to be working at that time. Give me the children. I'll look after them so that you can go and do whatever you want to do. And when I was doing my teacher training, so when Vivi and and Trixie were babies, I did I call it was that the grandparents were on little rotations because I needed people to look after the kids. I was really young, I didn't want a babysitter. So it was I called on grandparents and I would be, I would expect my kids to call on me as well. I think that's the role.

SPEAKER_00 54:21

That's the opposite, I guess, to us. We obviously are Irish and we live over here, and my husband's Irish, but like, you know, even when we go home, it's just so nice to have them at all and like go, you know, my mum passed away a couple of years ago, but like I would just leave her, she smokes cigarettes, and I'd be just like, oh well, it's fine. Like they'll learn they'll get lots of sweets and they'll get lots of um of goodies from her, but like I've I've that trust in her and it's nice for her to spend that time. But you know, it's a thing.

SPEAKER_01 54:48

And that's it, and now she's passed, it's so nice that they had that time. My dad, um, he's still with us, thank goodness. He's just turned 80. I'm very vibrant 80-year-old, but he um when my girls were babies from from when Trix was born, so my so 14 years now, 14 years, he came over and looked after her on a Wednesday.

unknown 55:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

Even when I wasn't working at the time, he'd come over and Wednesday was Pop Day. And then Vivi was born, and by that stage I was, you know, teaching. And he would come over and he'd look after the two of them on a Wednesday. Then he had a f and then all all the way until Vivi started school, so he would that was you know five years. And then I think he had probably about six or so months off before Poppy was born. And I'm like, pop, back to pop Wednesdays. And it was so nice for them to have those experiences with him because and nice for him as well, because when I was younger, and when my sisters, obviously they're older than me when they were younger, dad was so busy, and and it was very much in the the time like my mum, my mum worked too, but dad was like the eight to six pm Monday to Friday businessman. So and he came home and he had his dinner and he pottered around with the papers and bills and that sort of stuff. And it was mum was very much the even though she worked, she was the one who was the sort of more hands-on parent. Dad was more of a weekend dad. At the weekend I'd hang out with him, but you know, Monday to Friday he was busy with his work. And so I think as a grandfather, he has really loved being a part of the girls' lives.

SPEAKER_00 56:16

It's important, it's really important. And it's their role, and like it's them being a role model for the kids as well. Like it is. And even, you know, we don't have that, but I've got really good friends here and we spend time with them and like their daycare. I mean, we would be lost. Like, we've got babysitters from the daycare that come on, like we want to like go out the night out or we want to have a dinner. And I swear the kids are like more excited about them. They're like, what time is she coming? Because they bring presents and they play with them and you know, they're a lot more fun probably than what we are because we're like getting distracted with housework and maybe we've looked at our laptop and went, Oh, yeah, we need to do something for work. But yeah, it's really important actually to have the other people around and not just you and and your family. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

And I think we'll we were talking about this a bit before we started recording, but the having your network for to me personally, having my network of women, and I do have a lot of guy friends as well, but my my women, and they're not actually I was never one of those ones at school who got this big cohort of girlfriends. Like I I am friendly with girls I went to school with. Uh, we caught up recently actually for a funeral of a friend of ours, which was awful, but it was she would have loved it. It was an amazing opportunity for the whole, like for everyone who came from here, which is a really good um turn and for us to sort of reconnect and go, gosh, I haven't seen you for 20 years and how are you going? And so it was really lovely. So I'm not connect and a lot of those girls actually are part still part of the club, but like their main friends are their school girlfriends. I never had that, so I was I got like I basically met them on the street a massive hug, so excited to see you, but I never sort of kept those friendships really, really solid. I was I always had friends from different places, and I have so many friends from different facets of my life, which is really lovely because I can call on each of them at different times because they've all got different skill sets. They've all they all know kind of like a different version of me and they give some feedback so that I can take all that information and go, okay, what's my next step? I'll let Monique, I will call her if I've got any sort of creative ideas in terms of the business. She's just so grounded, and she really is an amazing cheerleader for me. She's she's always very if I'll sort of put forward her an idea, she's always so supportive of that idea, and that's really nice too. And then I've got other friends who a girlfriend, Robin, and I sort of set up our studios around the same time. She's very business-minded. She's a got she's she's the person I go to my okay, this has happened. What should I do? So-and-so said this, how should I do it? And she's got that sort of business char sort of way of dealing with things, and I I draw on her all the time. And then I've got other friends who I just when I'm overwhelmed with stuff, I sort of just vent yeah, verbal diarrhea onto them. And sometimes they know to give me feedback, and sometimes they're like, anymore? Like, what else have you got? Just and to but to know that's a safe space as well. So I have this community of women around me that I will always call on. And I think that's really important as well. When the kids were little, I would um I had different friends that I because my kids are always funny with babysitters, they hated them. We tried it a couple of times, it just it didn't resonate. But I had girlfriends who I'd be like, okay, how about when you guys want to go out, I'll come over and look after the kids. And when we want to go out, you can come over and look. Such a good image. It was so perfect. So when the kids were really little, like my first two were really little, that's what we did. And it was just, and so then there's no money changing hands, it's just like a girl I've done you so that like let me know when I can come over and uh babysit for your kids. Thank you for looking after them. That was a currency that I relied on without any I have no feeling that I was doing the wrong thing because if I asked you a favor, I'd be like, okay, when when would you like to go out? And that's and I book it in. It would always, I would always even up the school straight. It wouldn't be like, oh, I owe you one. I'd like, no, no, right, let's book it in. Book it in. Yeah. Book in the diary. Because then I felt like I didn't, I wasn't, I didn't feel bad for asking. And that was something that didn't work well with my husband because he was like, You shouldn't be asking for favors. I'm like, Are you kidding? Like, we should all still be living in it. But they're not favors if it's like, you know. But also we should be living in a community. We should be living in huts, surrounding each other and helping each other, and everyone should be auntie, and we should just that's actually how we're meant to be. And we've made our lives so separate to our detriment. Because it's like there's this and I feel so sorry for my friends who do have a little bit more of that, oh no, I'll do it on my own. I was like, you don't have to do it on your own. Ask me. I'm not always gonna be able to help, but you know, if you have four or five people in your tribe that you can ask, and they might not know each other, and that's probably better if they don't, because then they're not all going to the same thing. But feeling that it's okay to ask your friends for a favor, absolutely. It's okay. And I feel like if we're gonna do it ourselves, we can't.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

And this is gonna be a second skip podcast. I'll have to hit you back for a second because I'm like, community is everything, and it's all what I'm about as well. Especially since I started school. I'm like, I'm running late. You can't. Louise, can you pick up bushing? And they'll say, Listen, can you walk my little kid home with you and Nushing? And I'll pick him up at five. I'm like, oh and it's nice to be able to help out. So community means everything. Before we go, and we get kicked out of the first um podcast recording studio that I've uh entered.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:30

I'm just very excited to be the in is it in your girl?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:33

Is that you're you're so special. What tips have you got for that mum? A really quick tip that's sitting on the fence that has that nigga of, I don't know if I want to do this anymore. I want something more. I don't know what it is, but there's something out there for me. What's your tip for them?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:48

Okay, I'll try and be succinct, but I I think I I remember what my third heart moment was was on my deathbed, will I, you know, be happy that I did this or regret that I did that? And I think if you think about that for every single decision you make, that's a hard one. Or you present to be like something bad happens on my deathbed, will this be in the top you know three things I'm thinking about? If not, then you need to process that and move on. Don't hang on to that for long. So if you've got an idea, if you've got a drive, on your deathbed, will you be like, God, I'm glad I gave that a shot? Then do it. Because we just don't know how long we've got. So let's just make sure that all the time we spend, and we're not gonna enjoy every minute, but every little bit of time, we need to be working towards something that fills our cup. And on your deathbed, you just don't want to have any regrets that you're not gonna regret what things you try. You're not like you might it might not have worked, but on the deathbed, when you've got no more time left, you're gonna regret all the things you didn't try.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:48

I say that to people all the time. I'm like, do you want to be on your deathbed going, I really didn't like my boss. I didn't like the work I was doing. I worked there for 15 years because it was easier for the kids because I had flexible work. You didn't have flexible work actually, because you were selling your soul to be somewhere that you didn't want to be. So you probably weren't your best version when you were coming going home to your kids anyway, because you weren't happy with what you were doing from nine to five or nine to six most of the time. Carla, thank you so much for watching. This has been so much fun. Bye go. I feel like with a tough room. But um, I really appreciate you coming in and um yeah, thank you so much. Thank you very much for having me. And I will be back today. Cheers.