The Mother Who Wants Something Too

The Mother Who Wants Something Too

Motherhood is one of the biggest jobs there is.

The caring, the planning, the organising, the emotional load, the constant responsibility for small humans we love more than words can explain. It's relentless, beautiful, exhausting and life-changing all at once.

And yet, amongst all of that, many mothers find themselves asking a question they never expected:

"What do I want now?"

• Not because motherhood isn't enough.
• Not because they love their children any less.
• But because becoming a mother doesn't erase the woman underneath it all.

In this final episode of The Mother You Become series, Fionnuala and I talk about the tension so many mothers feel between caring for everyone else and staying connected to themselves.

We explore identity shifts, ambition, intuition and the courage it takes to listen to your own desires without guilt.

Because motherhood asks so much of us.

 The bravest thing we can do is acknowledge that alongside being a mother, we are still women with dreams, curiosity, purpose and parts of ourselves that deserve attention too.

If you would love some help with that I would love for you to reach out to me. 

https://www.christina-byrne.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello and welcome back to the Motherin Project. This is our very lovely mini series, and we're now on the very last pod, which is all around a mom that wants something else for herself as well. So the mom that's becoming. Myself and Fanula are gonna talk about this. I suppose we're gonna interview each other, but predominantly I want to interview Fanula because she's gone through that phase and obviously supports everyone in all of the work that she does around these phases too. And I'd love to get her her take on this. Um, this is our last one, and like I said, on the end of pod three, I'd love if you share this with people or subscribed and listened as well, and pop this into people's ears if you feel that it would benefit them because I think it's a really nice conversation for people to hear and a bit of motivation for them too. Welcome back, you have seen more of me now than you ever had in Australia, I think, haven't you?

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Yeah. I'm uh becoming uh a key part of the podcast right now.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

I know people are gonna be like, what's going on? They'll be confused. I'm very grateful to have you. It's um I think it's nice because we're both at such different stages of motherhood. You know, it's I'm in the far distance one-year-old stage, um, and to hear your stories, and I'm sure people feel the same. To me, that's in a daycare, in a school year phase, it's just a nice blend of yeah, all of our experiences. And I think because our work really intercepts and uh crosses over in terms of like all of the motherhood and all the things that come up around like transitions and careers and ambition. This one is going to be really juicy, I think, for people that are sitting on a bit of a fence or they're getting them little whispers in their ears around, you know, potentially wanting to to do something else or something different for themselves after they become a mom? I wanted to start this podcast, Vanilla, with asking you um a question around a deep enough question around was there any stage, I suppose, in terms of when Eva was sitting on your lap or you first become a mom, or a couple of months in where you thought you wanted something else and there was something else, and there was a little bit of a drive or ambition or calling you to do something for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

For me, before I had Eva, I was very content with a life I like was leading. I loved my business, I love my life, I love my lifestyle, and I had did so much work to bring my life and business into a place of alignment pre-having a baby. So I had a lot of fear about what that was going to mean for that sense of alignment when she arrived. And when she arrived, like could really immediately feel that like pressure inside of myself of my goodness, this is all consuming. And when am I gonna get time to do the things that I love as well? And I kind of like laugh at myself when I reflect back because I was going to yoga two weeks into having a baby, and um like really, I suppose, like pressurizing myself to make time for me, not knowing that that would, of course, come and it was okay that um it was all consuming at that stage, but I kind of had this perception in those beginning couple of months that I had to be the one who really carved that out for myself like immediately. Um I think we spoke a little bit on on the early episodes about how you know newborn stage is just so different from any other stage in terms of like the level of needs that your baby has and how much time they require from you in those very early weeks. Um so I don't think that there was like a particular moment where I suddenly wanted something for myself again because I think that I really did feel that from the beginning. My journey was learning to surrender into motherhood and letting that be a season of just allowing myself to be immersed in being a mummy. And as soon as I let myself do that, everything felt so much more easeful. So for me, that was kind of like the first three months or so. I really allowed myself to just surrender into fully being immersed in motherhood, and then I slowly started to transition into finding a babysitter because I was in Sydney and dedicating more time to my work and my business and um working with clients again in a very gentle way. Um I suppose for me there was there was an ease in the fact that I had did quite a lot of that work already pre-having a baby to kind of know what I wanted and know, like I knew that there were things that were going to have to shift and evolve in my business to having become a mum, but I was able to kind of pick it up again. It wasn't like I went through a big transition, which I know so many people can of my God, I don't want to go back to my old life and I want something different for me and like a whole big journey of something that looks kind of different to that. Um so yeah, that was kind of my journey with um that desire of yeah, tapping into that part of myself again. How about you?

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Yeah, I love that, Fanilla, because we're very different, I suppose, in terms of our um breakaway from work because you know, I obviously was employed full time and I left work and had my 12 months. Actually, I think I talked about this on an earlier one as well, that I was only going to do six months because you know I couldn't be away from work and I was such a workhorse. And then I was like, Can I extend it for longer than 12 months? Is there any possibility that I, you know, don't have to go back? Obviously, I live in Sydney and we've got bills to pay, so I had to, but I think because you know, from what you were saying there, Fanula, in terms of like what you wanted to do, and you were very clear, I suppose, before you had Ava that um that was the work that you really loved and brought you joy. And I think for a lot of us, what happens is on maternity leave, you sit down and you go, What the hell am I doing this for? Like, I actually don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Like you're just on this constant hamster wheel and you're doing it because it brings in the the money and you're busy because like it's you know, it's just chaotic trying to like get all of the work done and perform to that stage. But then you just have that time and space, I suppose. So for me, I remember getting pregnant actually. It was when I was pregnant with Ushin and um I was telling my workplace, it was that was when the first start of like a little seed had been planted with me. I was like, God, I don't know how I'm gonna keep this up because there's a lot of travel and you know, I don't know if I will be able to sustain it. And that was kind of the start. And it was only really, I suppose, when Maggie was born, is when I was like, yeah, I can feel the shift, I can feel something else, I can feel that there's something else calling me. And you know, I laugh now because I was on that beautiful you coaching course when Maggie was like seven weeks, eight weeks old. And I think that's bonkers because you know, I was sitting there breastfeeding her through the calls. Um, obviously nobody could see it, but you know, I was like, you know, I was just sitting there with Maggie's head in the in the camera shot. But there was just something at that stage that was like there's something else out there, and there's something more that I want to do in terms of yeah, career and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 7:09

Yeah, it's so fascinating to me, you know, when you think about your your energy body and your sacral and you know, your womb space and how much that is activated through pregnancy and through um birth in a baby, and your whole energetic system has shifted and evolved and expanded so much, and how much creativity and desire and life force can come through with that in terms of that real shift in desire of how you want to live your life. I don't know if anyone's a Dragon's Den fan, but I have become obsessed since I moved home. And oh yeah, you're back into the Dragon's Den. It was only a matter of time. There's so many business ideas that are mums who were on maternity leave and grew businesses in that season. So there's definitely a link between that and of course it's part of what you shared as well of you know your life needs to look different to kind of accommodate um being in a different season. But I also think that there's an alignment piece that comes through because your intuition is so activated, you're so much more connected to that part of yourself that's guiding you towards your dharma because um yeah, all of those gifts are kind of opening up in a new and um deeper way, like we all kind of know of. And I suppose even from being a child and experiencing your own mother's intuition, it's so strong whenever you become a mother, and that force or that little negally voice that maybe existed to some extent before you had had a baby, just I think it just becomes louder and louder whenever you enter into this season.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah, and I mean, like I'm laughing because you know how long I've fought out my little voice that kept saying, Christina, like I think I've pushed it away more times than than any. But you know, I think for anyone that is listening, like I'm now doing I'm back where I used to work, but I'm in a different in a different context. And I'm obviously, you know, I'm running workshops now, and I stood there the other day and I was like, this is actually an unbelievable feeling that like I've created this and I'm so confident in what I'm doing as well. Like I know that I'm helping people, I'm back to where I was, and I know that there's other or places and organizations I can help. So, you know, you do have to give yourself that chance though, and it is a you know, it's you're taking you're taking a risk, but I do feel like otherwise you'll just be doing something that you don't want to do. So what's the alternative? Like, yeah, it's mental. But you know, I'm saying that it's really easy, it's not, you know, that you're laughing at me too, because Fanula coached me through a lot of my um inner doubt and blockages.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

We all have it, and I think something that I heard someone speak to this the other day, and it's so true. When we decide to not listen to the voice, we experience so much um inner turmoil, and when we listen to the voice, we experience inner turmoil because now we have to do the thing and deal with all of the things that come along with that, and so it's really great to remember that even if you're choosing to not do the thing, that doesn't feel great either. And so you may as well experience the turmoil of doing the thing versus not doing the thing.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

I know, just take the take the jump because we talked about this as well earlier before we started recording, but like even the podcast, I used to be like, oh my god, you know, I had all the fear, and now I release one, and you know, someone would say, Oh my god, I listened to that podcast. I'm like, shit, yeah, I released that on Tuesday. Like, you know, someone said, Oh, how many downloads have you had? And I was like, I barely even check the stats, like it's just not even kind of why I'm doing it. I just love the fact that when I get that feedback and people are listening, but the absolute fear of press and publish is like, yeah, back in the day, especially on the solo ones, I was like, Oh my god, it was so cringy. But um, it just leaves you because you've done it and then you've done it a couple of times, so you've built up the reps and you just, yeah, off you go. Finan, I'd love to know in terms of because I know I get it a lot, in terms of I feel like society kind of makes you pick one or the other, or it feels like you're made to pick one or the other. And I wondered, do you ever get some guilt um around wanting something outside of the home and wanting something not just being a mammy?

SPEAKER_00 11:14

Yeah, I definitely experience the push-pull of the desire to be a present mama and the desire to be a thriving, successful business owner. Um and it is definitely uh a struggle sometimes to, you know, know that, you know, Eva's gonna struggle a little bit when I leave the room and I go down to do the work that I love and that feeling of knowing that she needs me to some extent, but also knowing that she'll be absolutely fine and she's in the best hands ever with my mum. Um, but yeah, for sure, I think that it's um it's so challenging at times to allow yourself to have that desire that's within you and part of you, as well as like allowing yourself to show up fully as a mum. And I didn't expect to feel the way that I do, and I don't think that you can ever really imagine what that feeling is like until you are a mum. And to like have that internal battle of Yeah, having your own life and also being deeply present to your to your baby or your kids. The thing that I always come back to around that is I want to be a role model for her in living her life and doing the things that she loves and following her passions and letting that be the thing that guides her because I think that that is so important as women that we have that opportunity and the ability to listen to what's what's true for us internally because for so many for so long historically, women just kind of you know dedicated their whole life to everyone else, you know, their husbands, their parents, their kids, and maybe got to 60 or whatever. Like I've heard people talk about the manopause when there's all this internal rage because they realise I've just dedicated my whole life to everybody else. And I think it's so important that um we can be a role model for what it looks like to yeah, follow your desires and also be present as a mum. And definitely comes with challenge, but that's the thing that I always come back to is that that's how I want to show up for her in giving her that permission as well, whenever this season comes for her too.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

Yeah, I love that because I feel as though society does kind of paint a bit of a picture that you feel like you need to to fit in with. I mean, it's like that, even in terms of um daycare. Like I drop Maggie off to daycare, and I have all this guilt about, like, you know, I told you I think on the last pod or the pod before that I was, you know, I drop her off sometimes on a Friday because I might need to, you know, there might be some things or it might be a really busy week and I need some space. And I feel so guilty. And then I start getting these pictures on the app and she's like dancing, she's doing yoga, she's had like the best time. And so I think, you know, like we probably are harder on ourselves actually in terms of that as well, because they're fine, they're all okay in terms of like they'll they'll they'll survive. Um as long as we're there and we're present when we're there. I think that's probably the key thing that I've learned. Like if you're there with them, like put your phone down and you know, play at the moment we play Uno every night, and like there's always rouse before we go to bed, but you know, just actually having that time with them in terms of like yeah, um, being present when you're with them and then being in work when you're in work. So yeah, it's definitely a struggle for people.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Yeah. I think we either have like it's like a lot of all or nothing with um what we can see, either you're like the trad mom who is stay-at-home, dedicates their whole life to their kids, which incredible if that's your path, or we have the boss babe mum who's you know following her passions regardless of the fact that she's a mum and she's going for it and she's you know all in to the extent that there maybe is in the same time to dedicate to family. And I don't think that any of those paths are wrong if that's your desire and that's the path that you want. But I also think that there gets to be somewhere that's in the middle if that's what your desire is that where you can yeah, dance between both. And I definitely think that that comes with that push-pull that we've spoken about. So it's not that that place in the middle is easy, but I think that um it's possible.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

I think it can coexist, can't it? Like you can't I you just have to work at it and make it work for you and stop comparing yourself to like the Instagram mom that has probably four nannies in the background and you know, people picking up kids from school and you know, just all that extra support, because I think that's another part of it, right? You start comparing yourself, going, Well, they can do all this, and she can work a full-time job, and it's like, yeah, but she's got extra support, like it's all about what you can do in the background as well. So I guess in terms of um rediscovering yourself, I suppose after you've had Ava, is there any part of you or was there any practices that you did to bring yourself back to what you really truly wanted? Because you've kind of shifted and obviously you've had a bit of a sea change thrown in there as well to really mix it up for yourself. But um, how did you reconnect to yourself about what you wanted and what you desired?

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Me having um inner moments of connection just back to me, have found that more important than ever before in this season, even though it is more challenging to carve out time for it. I've always had practices to connect in with myself, and in this season they don't look the same as I used to anymore. Like I don't have the time for a big, hugely long morning routine or anything like that. But I do wake up every morning and connect in with my heart space and connect in with my higher self. And I do when I start my work day and I have support in my workday, always start with practices to just align my inner world before I start to, you know, do the deliverables of my business and whatever that requires of me, which I think has given me this space to allow this season of my life and work to look different because it has allowed me to connect in with what's true and what I desire and what I want. And building a connection to the language of your body inside of your desires around work is so incredibly powerful because it means that you're always led from your body instead of your head. Like I think that in this season in particular, you can have all that extra head noise of what does my baby need, which of course is like important head noise. I'm not saying that that shouldn't be there. Um, but it also like takes up extra mind chatter and it can mean that you kind of cipher a lot of decisions through that lens of um what decisions should I make for that reason? Yeah, when you can learn the language of desire in your body and where it's guiding you to, you can still allow yourself to make expansive aligned decisions, even though you're a mum as well. I think sometimes we can believe that because we're a mum or we've kind of started down that journey, that we can't have ambition and desire in the same way anymore. We have to like kind of make it smaller for a period of time. I think that regardless of what decision you make, you'll meet challenge. Like if you choose to have the expansive business and life and career that you desire, um, that's going to come with challenge for sure. But just like we spoke about before, if you choose to not do the things that you want to do because you're in this season of life, you will also experience challenge with that as well because you're not following the things you want to do. But yeah, to answer your question, I think that it is just like more of the same kind of what I have learnt about my own internal system around how desire speaks to me and just carving out time to to make sure that I'm listening to that because there were a lot of things that I did inside of my business pre-having a baby that I don't do anymore. Even like practically, in terms of things that used to take up loads of my time, and I'm like, what was I doing? Like, I just needed to create a system around that and allow it to be more structured, and that can be so much easier. Like, I think that it has allowed me to get clearer on what I wanted things to look like in that way as well. How about you?

SPEAKER_01 19:18

I I loved your reflection on that in terms of like actually I'm the same. Like I sit there sometimes, I'm like, how did I have time to do all of this? You know, even with the podcast and all the things that I do, like we just talked about it there before I jumped on. Like, I have to outsource some of the editing with like guests because I'm like, I don't have time to do that because you know, obviously it's a love job and I love doing the podcast, but it's you know, it's not like something that earns me money. And then I also have to, you know, keep on top of like the human project and all the you know the client needs from them. But like you, I've kind of learned to like the things that I do, I suppose, are a little bit different in terms of like I'll drop us in after school, I'll go for a walk around the park, I'll leave my earphones on and just try and kind of like just decompress from the morning of chaos that it was some mornings, you know. Even, you know, the other morning in terms of like I had a big workshop and I had to leave early, and Maggie was like sensing, I think, that I had to leave, and she was really clingy and just screaming. My nervous system was literally shot before I left the house, and it was actually just sitting in the car taking a few moments to try and bring myself back and you know, decompress and just do some breath work in the car, like just deep breaths, because I knew I had to show up in a different capacity and you know, be a calmer version of myself. And um, yeah, that me years ago would never have thought of doing them things, you know. I collected this guy, Andy, that works with me, and he was like, How was your morning? I was like, Well, I've just sat in the car for five minutes before I collected you and did some breath work, and he was like, Okay, yeah, I had Marty in the bed with me, which is his dog, snuggling into me. I was like, That sounds wonderful. That was not my start, and we were laughing, but you know, it's just how you control it as well, I think. Thank you for sharing all that as well, because I think um it's really good, I suppose, for people to understand that you don't always have to push on and be the old version of yourself. I know I did do that when I went back after maternity leave and burnt myself out really bad in the process. Um, you know, I just was I dropped all boundaries, all everything went out the window trying to prove myself and prove that I was the same version of me. And I wasn't. Like I was the one that was turning up with maybe three hours sleep and yeah, you know, a teeth and baby at home. So it's definitely a good reminder.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yeah, I think that um it motherhood can really teach you how to fine tune your energy and how where you directed to and how you use it and how you utilize your energy because it requires you to do that, because so much of it is being used up with such great purpose, and for sure it you have to reflect on what you've been doing before and whether that Is gonna work for you in this season because no di whatever your life looked like before, it has to look different now.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Money is only gonna take you so far, I think, in terms of like how you show up in the world, and so yeah, the love has to come in there somewhere and like passion and a bit of purpose around why you're doing what you're doing. So, in terms of identity wobbles, which I have all the time, and I've got the input posture syndrome that shows up and you have to bat them away. Have you ever experienced moments where you felt like your life now doesn't fit like that old version of you or you've outgrown some areas?

SPEAKER_00 22:33

And definitely inside of my work, um, I could really feel that as I evolved into motherhood that there was a shift in how I wanted to hold space and even the types of things that I wanted to hold space for and my identity inside of the work that I had kind of built for that whole season and pre-becoming a mum and how that was like changing. I remember um a few months into becoming a mum, I must have been like three or four months into motherhood at this stage, and I had like this was the kind of type of crazy I was talking about earlier of trying to um hold on to where I was before. I think I launched a retreat for Europe one week before I was due or something. And I remember picking that back up three months into maternity leave and reading the sales page and being like none of this language resonates with me anymore, and feeling like I should be able to like put myself back into where I was at before I had her, but I just know that this is no longer where I am now. Um, and so there's definitely been an identity shift as a business owner, and something that I didn't expect in becoming a mum is like the sense of groundedness that I have in a different way that um has kind of shifted on and evolved. So I think there's like some really positive things that can come with identity shifts and then also the challenges of that. Um I also really struggled at times with um, you know, whenever you wake up in the morning and you feel like shiny and you feel like you're like lit up and you've got so much energy, and you might look in the mirror and be like, I've got a little bit of a glow today, and so I'm like super aligned for showing up and doing the work that I want to do. That feels very different whenever you don't have a lot of sleep.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't think I've felt like that in seven years.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

And so there has been like a shift in like the need for things to be perfect's the wrong word, but like to be like completely in alignment for me to be able to do what I want to do. And there's been like a little bit of an identity shift inside of that as well for me. Um, and there's probably many others I'd love for you to share because I think it'll um spark some kind of understanding of your question too.

SPEAKER_01 24:46

I think um I loved yours because like the shininess, I'm like, yeah, god, I remember that. Like without without having to get like cosmetic injections to look put together or nice. Um what it was, I think for me, it was all I think you know, as you were talking, I think it's around like actually my clothes, and I'm still in the process of actually taking out all of the stuff that I will never wear again. It's not that it probably if number one, it probably doesn't fit me, but number two, it's just a total different style. Like my whole kind of style has changed because like you have a different kind of perception of or just a different lifestyle now where you need to be comfy but put together kind of most days. And yeah, the stuff I was looking at in the wardrobe last week, I was like, where did I wear these? Like, and I would have probably just worn them to the shops, like gone out shopping. But I'm like, that's just not me anymore. I think in terms then of the other one around the identity and the the wobbles for me is I think I touched on it earlier, was actually going back to work and not being the person that could stay back till 6 p.m. and you know, sort out all the sh problems that weren't really even problems. They were just, you know, dramas that people probably want to drag you into. And that really, I suppose, took me by surprise and took me a long time to come together because I was like, I just want to be gone at 10 to 5 to go and get, you know, my kids out of daycare. I don't want them in there until six o'clock. That took a while because I was always the people pleaser, I suppose, in terms of like I'll stay here till six o'clock and I'll, you know, make sure my job is done and I'll log back on. And that's changed hugely in me now, in terms of like, I know my value and I know my worth, and I know I'm gonna bring you like a really and I'll deliver to the best of my ability, but like that's where it has to stop because I've got my other role to perform when I go home. Um that was a huge one for me, actually.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Yeah, I think that's what I I meant whenever I shared earlier about the groundedness. Like, I think that it's almost like a fire gets lit up your ass when you become a mum, where you're like more boundaried, you totally see how how incredibly hard you worked pre-becoming a mum, like the level of success or whatever you want to kind of reflect on inside of this new season that you created through um that devotion to your craft. Like I know we're talking a lot about work and business here. And I don't know about you, but I kind of felt like once I became a mum, like I'm just less here for the bullshit.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:14

I don't have time for it, I don't have the capacity for it. Even like parts of me that used to overthink things a lot, like I just don't have time for that anymore. So once I decide that I'm doing something, I'm I'm doing it now, and it doesn't require me to sit for two weeks on something because yeah, just there's like a groundedness that has come into into my system, and I think that is that movement into the season of matrescence and leaving the the identity of the maiden and all of those beautiful things that there's um so many incredible books that you can read and all on all of that, because it's it's a journey that everyone goes through when when they come out the other side of having become a mum.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

I love that, and I think in terms of yeah, change, and we've talked about career and we've c talked about everything, but I think your identity, even you know, the way you look and the way you feel is a big part of like your change and your makeup as well. After having kids, and you find your way again. So I just wanted to end this really juicy one, and I loved this conversation because I think this will probably bring a lot of um feelings up for the listeners. But what would you say to the womaning woman that's listening and feels a pull towards something more? So they're like sitting there and they're like, There's just something and there's a calling, or there's like a bit of a whisper, somebody knocking on my shoulder or tapping on my shoulder. What advice would you give them?

SPEAKER_00 28:36

To just think about how much headspace that takes up every single day to not listen to that niggle and to really allow yourself to reflect on that. And there of course is safety in what you already know. There is safety in the career path that you have chosen up until now, the identity that you have allowed yourself to hold, the relationships that come with that, all of the all of the beautiful things that you've already built in your life. Maybe some of them not so beautiful, maybe some of them feel really challenging, but they feel familiar and safe. But you can never deny that voice that constantly taps on your shoulder whenever you're being called to allow yourself to have more. And I always think about that as being the divine God, whatever you want to call it. That energy is flowing to you and through you because it's guiding you somewhere and it's for you. And so you can trust it. And trusting it doesn't mean that you have to do like a full 360 on your life straight away. You know, the best way that we can bring change to our lives is small incremental steps. I think so often we feel like we have to like shoot for the moons, shoot for the stars, go for the big vision, like do the big thing that is calling you. And of course, all of that is incredible to have a vision around and a desire around. But if you can think about the small steps that you can take every single day to start to bring yourself closer and closer towards whatever that thing is, it actually becomes way more doable and becomes much closer than what you might have thought previously. And those small incremental steps are the things that give you the evidence to know that you can go do that thing and that you actually can trust yourself inside of that and you can follow it and you can go forth and do it. And if it that requires you to get support in some way, allow yourself to have that support. You know, I have throughout my whole journey of business had many coaches and supporters alongside me that have gone before me and allowed me to remember that yeah, I can go do this thing. And sometimes that's all it takes, is just someone who can support you alongside that, which of course is some of the incredible work that Tina does sitting here in front of me right now. But yeah, suddenly when you start to take those initial steps, then the things that felt so far away no longer feel so far away. Like that's when we quantum leap into where it is that we are meant to go because we've given ourselves evidence of what's possible. So it doesn't mean that you have to leave your whole life that you've already built behind straight away. It just means that you need to start to listen to that voice.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

I love that. And I think in what you said as well, it's just building your self-trust. So if you're telling yourself that I'm just gonna do these little things and you follow through in them actions, obviously then you know you're gonna start trusting yourself and then it's ultimately gonna lead to the fact that you'll just start listening to your to that inner voice, you know. I think we probably make it sound really easy because we've done a lot of work and we've we've worked on ourselves. So I think in terms of that, like I would probably the other tangible piece of advice I would take is if you're in this situation and you don't know what you want, but there's something else calling you, like I'd write a list probably on the left and go, This is what I do like, and then you write a list around this is all the things that probably I don't love and are a bit inconvenient to what I'm trying to do right now. And um, I guarantee you the list on the right is going to be a lot longer than the left, and then you just have to make that decision around, okay, so what am I gonna do about it? Like you've said before, it will be way more challenging listening to that that voice in your head and not action in it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Also get curious when you tell yourself that you don't know what you want, because often when I sit in front of a client and we have our very first call together and they say, I don't really know what my purpose is, or I'm not sure what it is that I want, and I start to quiz them a little bit about it. They're like, Well, if I knew that I couldn't fail, I would do this thing. Um and so I think that we uh we often do have quite a good idea of where it is that we're being called to. Of course, sometimes we might not have absolute clarity on that, but we have some kind of an idea of what inspires us or where our energy is kind of being guided towards. So yeah, get curious about that story whenever you tell yourself that you don't know anything at all, because I bet you know more than you like, allow yourself to trust or know.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

Fanula, I'm so sad that this is the end of our pod and our the end of this mini-series. I've really loved our evening chats and your morning chats over there in Ireland, and I really do hope that everyone that's listening just forwards it on to a friend that's gone through something like this, and you know, hopefully they'll gain some, you know, tips and knowledge from this podcast. And yeah, it helps them somewhat through transitions that we've talked about in motherhood. But for now, thank you so much. That's the end of our mini series. We might, you never know, come back up with some some other topics. But um, thank you so much, Fanula, because I really appreciate the fact that you've obviously pivoted and interviewed me and I've really enjoyed our time.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Thank you so much for having me. It has been such a joy to be part of these conversations and to hear all of your wisdom as well, Tina.

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Thanks, Fanula.