Relationships: What Makes a Relationship Holy

In this episode of GROW180 Talks, we close out the “Healthy, Happy, Holy” relationship series by exploring the final and most foundational element: holy.

We’ve talked about what it means to build relationships that are healthy and emotionally grounded, and how happiness is a personal responsibility….but there is another layer that determines the longevity and alignment of any relationship.

Holiness.

In this episode, we unpack what it truly means for a relationship to be set apart and aligned with God, not just based on connection, chemistry, or convenience.

We explore:

• What “holy” really means in the context of relationships
• Biblical examples of relationships rooted in loyalty, integrity, and purpose
• The importance of being equally yoked and aligned spiritually
• How to recognize whether a relationship is pulling you closer to God or further away
• Why not every good or enjoyable relationship is meant to be maintained

This conversation brings clarity to the difference between relationships that feel good and relationships that are truly aligned.

Key reminder:

Just because it feels good doesn’t mean it’s God.

As we close out this series, this episode challenges you to evaluate your relationships through a deeper lens, not just emotional or relational, but spiritual.

Reflection:

Is this relationship aligned with who God is calling me to be?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello. Welcome back to Grow 180 Talks. I'm excited to be here today to talk to you guys. I've been away for a minute because I had a lot of things going on. So, first of all, um, we had our women's conference. I think I mentioned that on one of the previous episodes in this season. Um, and I really needed to focus on that along with um the team of women that I work with at my local church. And um, so that takes a lot of energy, a lot of effort, a lot of prayer, fasting, all those things to focus on. You know, that form of pouring out um into what God wants to do in his people. So it was phenomenal. People showed up, God showed up most importantly. Um, it was a two-day event. It was fantastic, it was anointed, it was powerful, and so I've been recovering from that, resting from that. All of us have actually um, and so kind of coming up for error now. So thank you so much for your patience as we have been um busy being about our father's business, right? So, back to Grow 180 Talks. The last episode that I dropped, um, the feedback was fantastic. I had my friends on there, a small group of my friends, what I call my day ones, my friends that have been in my circle from 14, 13, 15 years old, literally, up until now. So um, oh my goodness, three, four decade-long friendships. Um, we pulled together a small group of women and dropped that episode. It's been maybe a week and a half or so, maybe two weeks, and the feedback was fantastic. Um, so I'm so glad that you guys enjoyed that episode. There will be more guest appearances like that. Um, so just you know, stay tuned, hang out with me a little bit longer, and you're gonna hear, you know, other exciting uh conversations and topics, not only from me, but from you know, people that I know that um can pour into your life just as well as I can. This platform is not only, you know, for um me to pour out, but for me to invite people that have something um worth sharing on this platform that that lines up with um what God has assigned me to do, where I stand spiritually, ethically, and all those things. Um, those people I can trust to be part of what we're doing here at Grow 180. And so you'll hear from more people in the future besides just me. So I'm super excited about that. You know what? I've been getting a little bit of um questions too around um YouTube or video with um my podcast. So I have been putting some thought into that. That, you know, it takes um uh it's just a whole nother thing, right? Where you gotta be camera ready and all those things. Uh, you know, so I'm thinking about it. I am thinking heavily about um if I want to add that into um, you know, how I produce my content for you guys. So um some exciting things that I'm kind of thinking about, mulling over, you know, from a business standpoint, from the podcast standpoint, um, where I'm at personally and spiritually, and how I can fit that into my life so that I can um continue to pour out what God has for me. I keep using that word pour out, it keeps coming out that way because this really is this is what this is about. It is another form of um serving, it's another form of ministry for me, an opportunity to pour out. So I want to make sure that the quality is there and that I'm not distracting, you know, from what um God has put in my spirit to do. So just some exciting things that are coming. We were talking about though, before I dropped that special episode of friendships from now till then, um, the three H's, a framework that I have called Healthy, Happy, Holy Relationships. And so I came to you, you can go back and listen, listen to the podcast, but it's probably been, I don't know, three to four weeks ago about what a healthy relationship looks like, um, including boundaries and um communication and being free, not being uh competitive in your relationships, rather, they're uh business, friendship, romantic, all all the things, right? Parent and child as well. Um, what healthy relationships look like. And then the second age is happy, right? So, and I I spent a lot of time talking about happiness as a choice, and happiness is something that has to come from within us. It may not come from you know the people that we are around or we are in relationship with, but first we have to do the work um within us to be happy, right? And so um, lastly, I want to talk about holy. And honestly, holy relationships is the most important of all of these things because you can have a healthy relationship. Um, you can have a relationship that feels good, in other words, it it brings happiness to your life, but it still does not mean that it's holy, right? And so that's it's important to distinguish um the two, right? Something can feel good to us, and it can feel right, does not mean it's of God. You guys have heard um if about love bombing. Have you ever heard that term? That feels good, right? Um, when somebody comes into your life and you're just, you know, the light in their candle, so to speak. You know what I mean? They wake up thinking about you, texting you, and all those things, they're love bombing you. That doesn't mean that they're they are um their intentions are pure. Umly time is gonna tell that. And so we're gonna talk about that a little bit. Um, even with this, holy. Um, when we hear the word holy, people often think, you know, that means um perfect or without um issue or um uh automatically think that um it means that everybody in that, that whoever you're talking about in this relationship, that it just has to be just this this epitome of perfection, and and and and that's not necessarily true because we are all growing, we are all evolving. Um, and those of us that have made Jesus our choice, we are certainly on the potter's will, and he's still making us over and working on us. So it's not necessarily perfection, but because the word holy simply means to be set apart, right? We're set apart for God's glory. Um, God is holy. Um, and so when he calls us to himself, he sets us apart for him, for his use, for his purpose. So then when you think about holy relationships, is one that is aligned with the will of God for your life. Um, it's not about is this relationship, you know, only making me happy or only bringing me um um uh peace or joy or is it healthy? Because sometimes it can be challenging. A holy relationship still can bring challenges, healthy challenges that we need that makes us better. Um, there's a verse that says, iron sharpens iron. That's a really good example of a holy relationship, but it's not necessarily uh something that feels good to my flesh. If we're talking about iron sharpening iron, when you're rubbing those two pieces of iron together, there's some friction. But that friction is sharpening the other object, right? And it's the same thing with relationships. As you bring two people together that are full of God's purpose, they've been set apart for God, they sharpen one another. They they they can rebuke each other in love, they can correct each other in love, they can um um um walk together because they do have they're they are in agreement with the principles of life and the principles of God, but doesn't mean that they're gonna agree on every point in life. So we sharpen one another, we learn to be patient with one another, we learn to um to um be forgiving of one another, right? So holy doesn't mean perfect, um, it is about being intentional um with who you have in your life that's pushing you towards the things of God. So a couple of biblical examples came to my mind as I was kind of working through an outline and how I wanted to present this. Um, and the very first um people that came to my mind in the scripture was David and Jonathan. They had this deep bond, right? King David, Jonathan, before David was even king, Jonathan knew that he would be, you know, so on and so forth. You can go back and read the story. Um, it's it's mostly in um uh the book of Samuel and and Chronicles, and you can read about David and Jonathan and their relationship. Although um King Saul didn't um he was jealous of David, right? And at first he welcomed him in. He he um honored the fact that this this man was anointed through music, he was uh a powerful warrior, God was with him, he was a man of faith, all those things, right? And so Saul brought him into his circle, but he began to become jealous of David. Um and I'm I'm gonna keep that this pretty high level because that's that's a whole sermon in itself, and I'm just making a few points here. But even though uh Jonathan was Saul's son, he still knew that there was something about David. He knew that God's hand was on David, he knew that David was going to be the next king, so he honored that relationship outside of how his father felt. That's an example of a holy relationship. Um, it demonstrated loyalty to what God was doing in David's life. We repeat that. Loyalty to what God was doing in David's life in spite of what his father thought. That's holy, right? Honoring what God is doing in your life. Who in your life honors what God is doing in your life rather than um trying to pull you back to maybe your old way of being and your old way of thinking, your old way of operating, or um is jealous of where God is taking you in the ministry and in your relationship with Him, the doors God is opening. That's not holy. Holy relationships don't include jealousy. Holy relationships don't include that that that backbiting um competitive spirit to pull you down. Holy relationships don't include running interference to try to overthrow to try to make you trip up, so to speak. You know what I mean? Trying to pull you back and lure you back into your old ways or or the ways of the world. That's not holy. If you have made up in your mind that you are gonna stop doing A, B, C, and D, right? And you have someone in your life, but well, come on, well, you know it wouldn't hurt if you do that. Well, it don't take all that. Well, girl, there's nothing wrong with this. Or no, that's not holy. That's not of God. A true friend, a true uh partner in a relationship is going to want to see you succeed spiritually and naturally, and all the goals that you have set out for yourself. They're gonna come alongside you and be loyal to what God is doing in your life, not come against it or try to be a hindrance. The next example that came to my mind was Ruth and Naomi. Ruth stayed committed to Naomi in spite of how inconvenient it was for her. Ruth seen the grief. Ruth was grieving herself. She had also lost her husband and her father-in-law and her brother-in-law, right? Um she saw the grief, she was dealing with her own grief. She knew that that if she followed uh Naomi, she was no fool, right? Naomi couldn't have any more children. So Ruth was willing to set aside her own uh desires and stay committed to this woman throughout her grief and her transition back to trying to put the pieces of her own life together. That's holy, a holy relationship. Um, that a person that doesn't walk away from you when things get hard. They may not know what to say, they may not be to pull together the right words, they may not even know what to do when you are going through the roughest season of your life, but they don't abandon you. They don't quit on you. Again, they're not trying to give you some out of your pain that in the long run is gonna be detrimental to you. They stay committed to uh to you as a person and um not only you as a person, but committed to you and what you stand for. Ruth followed Naomi back to her homeland. And she said, where you go, I'll go, and the God you serve, I'm gonna serve that God. That's a holy relationship. I'm committed to you as a person in your pain, in the worst state of your life, and and I'm I'm I'm I'm committed to being to what's important to you. Let me say it that way. I'm not gonna do anything to try to come against that. Another example that came to me was Mary and Joseph. What made this relationship holy, other than you know, five other things that I could say, obviously the Spirit of the Lord hovering over her um to impregnate her um uh with um Jesus Himself. Um Joseph's integrity, though, to cover Mary, in spite of what it looked like, in spite of what it looked like, Joseph covered Mary and still married her. That's a holy relationship. It's built on integrity. This man had integrity. He he was not willing to make put her put her to a shame. You know what I mean? To make her look bad, although he didn't fully understand. Yes, the angel had visited him and told him what was to come, but he come on now. You who could really get their mind around what was happening and what was going on? This was a man of integrity, and it's probably why God chose him to be part of uh Mary's life, because God could have used whoever. Mary was the chosen, the vessel that God chose to use, but she had to have, oof, I I feel something right here, y'all. She had to have the right partner, a man of integrity to walk alongside her through the the I mean the most glorious charge a human could have to carry the baby Jesus to birth to Jesus. There is no greater assignment. I mean, come on. And and she, the right partner mattered, a man of integrity. They would not put her to an open shame, that would not compete with her, that would not accuse her of lying, that would not accuse her of being a cheater or any of those things. Um a relationship built on integrity, even when things didn't make sense. So I want you to think about relations, your relationships in your life, friendships, uh family relationships, romantic relationships, business relationships, are they built on holiness or what makes um you know holy? God being holy, the principles of holiness, are your relationships built on that? Not just feel good, not just um happy, healthy, not just you know, uh healthy in a s in the sense of the word, but are they really holy? All of it matters if you are on a certain journey in your life, you want partners and people around you that are headed the same direction. It makes it so much harder when the people around you are not going the same, you are not going the same direction. The scripture says, how can two walk together except they agree? It's hard to walk with someone who you're not in agreement with. So it makes me think about uh the scripture in Corinthians that says in the book of Corinthians that we are not to be unequally yoked with non-believers. Unequally yoked. That's not just talking about in marriage, but in aligning with our values, our faith, and as I just said, the direction that we're heading. You can't build a life of purpose with someone who is moving in a completely different spiritual direction. Just think about how hard it would have been for Mary if Joseph was not going the same direction she was going. If Joseph had been acting a plum fool, if Joseph had no spiritual maturity at all. Because the angel still could have come. God speaks to people all the time, and we ignore him, we do what we still want to do, we try to make God a liar, all those things, act like we didn't hear him. Uh no, Joseph could have done any of those things, right? But he didn't. But imagine how much harder it would have been for Mary. This woman already had to hear what she heard, go through what she went through and determined in her mind and her spirit, I'm gonna believe God. Even though I don't understand the scripture says she's pondered it in her heart. But if Joseph had been acting a fool, it would have been so much more difficult for Mary. Even David. You know, if he hadn't had a friend like Jonathan that knew I'm not trying to take your dad's place. I understand he has other sons. In so many words, David was what else could he say? But it's not my fault that God chose me. And to have a friend like Jonathan that could understand that, even though his father was acting crazy, Jonathan was that loyal friend that was like, but we can't change the will of God. He called you. It is what it is, and he's stuck by David's side as a loyal friend. Um, even Naomi and Ruth, the that deep level of grief, yes, Ruth had lost her husband, her brother-in-law, her father-in-law, but Naomi has lost both her sons and her husband. This is a whole nother level of pain. And Ruth was willing to set her problems aside and still follow this woman and what was most important to her, uh, going back to her home country and serving her God. So being unequally yoked in any of these examples that I've given, and then we look at our own lives, it just makes it harder that you can't really fully walk in your purpose when every when you when you have people in your close circle that are coming against what it God is trying to do in your life and through you. So, in a nutshell, what holy relationships look like today? God is at the center, number one. God is at the center. There's accountability in those relationships, there's integrity in those relationships, there's alignment um in values and faith. And then purpose trumps pleasure. I cannot go out and and and have um pleasure if it's coming against the purpose God has put in me. And if you're really a friend, you're not gonna try to pull me that way. You're gonna respect the purpose that's on my life and the direction that God has taken me. Holy relationships don't pull me away from God and they don't pull me away from my calling, they support it. Yeah, I'm so blessed. I'm blessed with friends um and family um and children um that do support the purpose of my life. Um, I don't always even understand what God is doing in my life. There there is there are some seasons that um you go through when God has called you um that can feel very lonely. It can feel sometimes you can feel misunderstood, you can feel um, you you feel that separation, that that set apartness. Sometimes I feel that, that that there's still a distinction that because of the call on my life that God has placed on me. And and I understand I I understand it, but it doesn't always feel good, right? I know it's God though. And so uh I have to deal with those feelings of it not always feeling good and and and and God still pulling me just it's like okay, yeah, y'all head in the same direction, but I still it's still somewhat of a because of the call of um another uh layer of distinction, if you will, a set of partness. And so there's a piece of that journey you have to walk alone, and you just you have to trust God, and and it gets hard, it gets lonely, it gets heavy. You know what I mean? To whom much is given, much is required. God requires something of me. And so, but I'm I'm so blessed that I have people that still support me, that still I can laugh with, that still allow me to be me. Um that but and all of those things that I can laugh with, joke with, hang out with, have a good time, but highly respect the call. They they never try to put me in a situation where um I'm even it even tempted to to compromise. They they they they don't do that. And I'm not saying they're compromising themselves, they're not, but it's it's it's a it's just a level of respect that's there for the call. For the call. You know what I mean? So I thank God for that because it doesn't make it hard for me. Them are the kind of relationships you want in your life, right? Um not relationships where it just feels good or there's chemistry there, you know, or we got so much history together. Okay, but if God's taking you some other way, y'all might have all that history, but let me tell you something. Let me give you this example or testimony. I'll say when when the Lord first began to deal with me and set me apart, save my soul. Um, I was in my late 20s. And so I had, as you is you all know, and if you didn't catch the French Friends episode, please go back and listen to it. It was it's really it's good. Um, but we had, oh my goodness, all them years from 1415 to late 20s of partying, hanging out, doing everything we was big enough to do, sinning the whole nine, having all the fun in the world until God started knocking on the heart of our door, like the time up, right? It's I I'm calling you, come serve me, come live for me, right? And so when when I said yes to the Lord, though the uh uh a lot of my friends, I stopped going around them. I had to because we were not going the same direction, right? And I was not strong enough. I if if they still doing at that time of their life, was still doing what we used to do, then I can't be around that every day anymore. I can't be around that on the weekends. Like I literally had to separate myself by the you know the leading of the Lord. I felt a strong conviction, you know, no. And so God began to strengthen me over the years and and um deliver me and and um give me wisdom, right? And and my relationship with him uh uh grew some roots, some root became, you know, deeper, strengthened me. You know what I mean? I became firm in my faith to where I could then begin to um spend time with my friends and have healthy boundaries that they would not dare cross because they had seen, no, she's serious. This uh this she ain't been over here in three years. You know what I mean? She so I this is a completely different person. This is still my friend. We laugh, we joke, we like to have a good time, but she don't do what we used to do no more. They never tried to make me go back. Never. And so if you are moving forward in God, sometimes He is telling you to come out from among them and be ye separate. Sometimes it's maybe only for a season because we have to win or win people. We have to be a light, right? Um we have to socialize and and and and it's okay to have fun and to laugh and have friends and and all of that, but not be influenced by what God has brought you out of, but yet you become the influencer. You have to have courage, you have to be obedient to God, you have to be willing to be lonely. But if you want healthy, happy, holy relationships, y'all, we have to do it God's way. And it costs. It costs. It's not always convenient, it doesn't always feel good. That's why happy, when we talk about that, that age of happy is not about feeling good, especially other people expecting them to make you feel good. No, you know, so I think relationships, you know, it it encroaches on every part of our life. Co-workers, I mean, the relationships are everywhere and all different levels of relationships. So to really understand how to deal with people and understand yourself, and because we are creatures that God created for us to have community, learning about relationships, I think, is very important in our growth, right? Grow 180. This is all about growing, um, changing the trajectory of your life. And it's important to understand who you have around you, what purpose are they serving? Um, are they adding to the purpose in your life or are they they pulling you away from it? All right, so that is the last age of healthy, happy, holy relationships. So I'm gonna leave you with this thought. Does the relationships that's coming to your mind bring you closer to God or further away? Are those relationships in alignment with your values and the direction that you're heading in life? And lastly, ask yourself, am I compromising who I am to maintain this relationship or this connection? Are you compromising who you are? Just so you don't have to um deal with, you know, being by yourself, perhaps? Just remember, a relationship that is alive with God, it has a foundation that goes beyond what you feel. You might not want to be by yourself. You don't, you know, you we we fear uh uh being alone. And that's something we really have to ask God to help us with because sometimes, and again, maybe off only for a season, you have to walk this walk alone. Alright, so I hope that was helpful. Healthy, happy, holy relationships. I know the last age took a while, y'all, but I had so much going on um with the women's conference, and then I really, you know, I wanted to get the friends episode in there for women's month in March before that month was over. So here we are in April. I've been recuperating, I've been resting, I've been uh, you know, getting myself together. So we back at it. Growing 80 talks. We are back in it, y'all. I will see y'all next week with another episode. Please share, like, subscribe, leave a comment, DM me, tell me what you want to hear. Um, I have some exciting things coming up to end out this season along with relationships. I got some ideas going on, so um stay connected, stay tuned, and keep it moving, y'all. Enjoy your relationships in life, be strong, be courageous. If it ain't working for you, say it ain't working for you and set that thing aside, put some distance there and even be willing to cut it off because nothing matters more than peace of mind, the internal happiness, and having a holy, healthy relationship with God. Everything else that is supposed to be in your life, it will come if you just do it God's way. I'm telling y'all, do it God's way. It pays big. It pays big. I can't express it enough. It pays big. So I will talk to y'all soon. I hope you enjoyed this episode.