How Do You Treat Yourself?

In this episode of GROW180 Talks, we step away from the constant pressure to produce, perform, and pour into everyone else to ask a deeper question:

How do you treat yourself?

After recently returning from a trip with my daughter, I found myself reflecting on rest, renewal, and the importance of slowing down long enough to actually enjoy life.

So many women know how to work hard, sacrifice, care for others, and carry responsibility but struggle to care for themselves with the same intentionality.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why rest is stewardship, not laziness
• The emotional impact of constantly living in survival mode
• Learning to slow down and create margin in your life
• Enjoying the fruit of your labor without guilt
• Mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness
• Why the way you treat yourself matters

We also discuss the importance of pacing your life intentionally instead of constantly operating in urgency and exhaustion.

Because sometimes we get so busy building life… that we forget to actually live it.

🔍 Reflection:

Do you allow yourself to rest, breathe, and enjoy your life or are you constantly pouring out without refilling yourself?

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello. I have missed you guys. Grow 180 Talks is back. How have you been? My listeners, how have you guys been? I have been been well. Um, I just returned from vacation in Greece. Um, myself and my two daughters. I have twin daughters. We just traveled to Greece for 10 days, and it was fantastic. Everything that I hoped it would be is such a beautiful country, y'all. And so I've been away for a few weeks. Um of course I had a lot of planning that went into this trip. I had several uh ministry uh commitments that I needed to complete before I left, and so I was just highly focused on tying up the Lord's business before I got on that plane and you know went thousands of miles away. And so I didn't get to do any recording, but I have been thinking about you guys. People have been asking, where are you? Um, when is the next episode going to drop? So I appreciate your patience, the love, and just you guys anticipating, you know, hearing from your girl, right? I appreciate that. And you know, I was thinking too, as I have, you know, um one of the things that I've learned now being a podcaster is you have to be inspired. And um I'm not ashamed to say that because you know, I don't want to waste your time and I don't want to waste my time, right? So I have to feel inspired. I I want to feel like um I want to know that I'm saying something that I at least feel like is worth your time, right? You don't have to give me 15, 30 minutes of your time, whether it's when you're at home or in your vehicle or wherever you're listening. Um, I appreciate your time. And so I want to make it worth your while. So I've been thinking, you know, meditating on what I might talk about. And I had several things kind of swimming through my head, and so um I feel good about what I want to talk today, talk to you about today, which is how do you treat yourself? You know, this season has been about relationships, right? How uh romantic relationships, friendships, and um I did the the three H's, healthy, happy, holy relationships. But what about the relationship with you? How do you treat yourself? Um, and so it's important, right? Um, not just physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, but all of it. And how do you care for yourself and your well-being? Um, do you allow yourself to rest, to breathe, to enjoy life, to treat yourself to um a nice vacation or a spy day or the dress that you want or the handbag that you want? Do you know what whatever it does budget doesn't matter, wherever is in fits into your lane, you know what I mean? To a facial that you do at home. Um, getting your nails, whatever it is that you like. How do you treat yourself? Just quiet rest. Say no. You know, um, my dearest best friend, she has this phrase that she uses. I um she'll say, I'm easing into my day. I love when she says that I've actually adopted that, um, not only as a same, but as a practice, because I am a person who is highly productive. She's highly productive. Um, we have a lot of responsibilities. Um, you know, moms, we just have a lot, right? But even with that, she allows herself to ease into her day. And so I've taken on some of those um traits and and and um the value that it adds and how more rested I feel allowing myself to ease into my day. And you know what, y'all, it was such a it was not a coincidence because God is so good. He knew what I wanted to talk about. I was just scrolling on Instagram, right? And um just today, after work, just sitting down for a minute, scrolling, and there was an interview that a guy was doing with Jeff Bezos, and he was saying how intentional he is about not rushing into his mornings. He said he likes to drink his coffee, read his paper, have breakfast with his kids, and kind of ease into his day instead of operating in constant urgency. And I thought, wow, right, this man is uh worth billions of dollars. Um, and so it resonated with me him saying that because that has been more of my mindset lately, um, that I want to, you know, not just be so rushed about everything. And and um my life is in uh uh in high demand. I have a lot of commitments, right? And um a lot of responsibilities, but I can't be all things to all people and never stop and treat myself to rest or treat myself just to quiet or travel or whatever it is that I want to do, right? Um, and you know, so many of us are living like that, and and we are thriving in a lot of ways, but it it can turn into exhaustion, it can turn into now I'm just in survival mode. I don't have anything else to even pour out. We're always rushing, reacting, and feeling overwhelmed, and it can just create chaos, you know what I mean? And and it can impact how you think, how you feel, how you make decisions. The man went on to say that um basically, and I'm paraphrasing, but the more rested he is, the better he's able to make decisions. Now, how important would that be with the empire that he has built, that he is making good business decisions? And for him, easing into his day, he called it his um um uh uh puddle time. Like he just likes to piddle around in the morning in his home or wherever he's at before he goes and starts having meetings. In fact, I believe he said he doesn't even his earliest meeting that he will allow to be even be scheduled is 10 a.m. Right? And so I just thought, wow, you know, I feel like that's that's like confirmation to what I've been thinking about. And you know what else was so interesting as I began to kind of pull my thoughts together for this episode is um uh I had to speak at my church right before I went on vacation, and the topic that the Lord impressed upon my spirit was Psalms 23. We know Psalms 23, right? It's very familiar to most of my audience. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures, he leadeth me beside the still waters, he restoreth my soul. And so, you know, I ministered from Psalms 23, and the Lord gave me something else in the gospels that kind of um he had illuminated to me um how Jesus walked out Psalms 23 and demonstrated that before his followers. Um, and um so the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down and wear green pastures, good places, a place of rest, um, a place of peace and stillness. Rest is not laziness, rest is you taking care of you so that you can be uh refilled, so that you have a place to pour from. But not only that, y'all, just so you can enjoy the fruit of your labor. You deserve to rest. Not only resting so that you're better for everyone else around you, but so that you're better for you, right? So that your body, our bodies appreciate rest. Our minds appreciate rest. I I've been firing, you know, in in my career. I'm a very career-driven person. I have been that way. That's something God has put in me, and it's um been a blessing in in my career development. Now, at this point in my life, though, I I, you know, I still enjoy what I do. I'm still a very high performer, but I don't always want to be firing on all five cylinders. That, you know, that uh my mind also needs to rest, right? I'm I'm very strategic, I'm thinking all the time, making decisions all the time. I need to rest. My thoughts need to just be still and be quiet. You know what I mean? So it's so important that we take care of ourselves, um, not only for others, but just because I deserve that too. I deserve stillness, I deserve peace, I deserve rest, right? There's a difference between me avoiding my responsibilities and me intentionally um finding a place of rest and restoration. Right? Um, I am a very loyal person, I'm very reliable. If you give someone your word, you should be, you know, as committed as you humanly can to that word. Um but um you also have to know when to say no, when to take a step back, and when to just, you know, focus on you, right? I think another thing that is important to point out here, um, you know, especially in this social media age, and it everybody is showing, you know, these glamorous lifestyles and how wealthy they are, and they make it seem oh so easy. And some people do have money, some, you know, whatever, right? But um, we can't take none of this with us, right? You want to be a good steward over what you have, leave a legacy, first of all, spiritually, but financially for your family, for your children, and God, Lord willing, um, have your estate planned out to not only your children, but your children's children will be able to inherit some of the fruit of your labor, right? But not so much that you don't enjoy it while you're here. When going to Greece, one of the reasons, and I love to travel, right? I've been, you know, a lot of places, and there's a lot more to go, but I've been some places and I've been on some very nice vacations. Um, it and I said to myself a few years back, you know, as a person who's who um to God be the glory, I've said yes to the Lord. I've I've chose to live my life for God, and and it's the best decision I ever could have made. He created this earth. Why shouldn't I enjoy it as well? Right? If it I should go out and travel, and I need to see these beautiful things that God has created and enjoy um different foods and you know, so some of the the um blessings or let me say it this way, natural blessings of life, luxuries of life, if you will. I deserve to enjoy those things too. I can't take all of this stuff with me. I can't take any of it with me. And what's the point of working hard, you know, being a good steward over your finances, but never stopping to enjoy it? We have to have some balance, right? Um, you can't just only pay the bills. Um you know, if you said my budget's so tight, maybe you got little kids, or maybe your income is not that high, it doesn't matter. But people now, you can go to CVS and get you some press-on nails and put them on for five dollars, you know what I mean? Or get on Amazon and buy, you know, yourself. They got so it's just so so many things that are inexpensive that you can do um to pamper yourself. And it's not all about money, right? Uh a hot bubble bath or a hot shower or adding a steamer to your shower, so many things just to kind of kick it up a notch that don't does not cost a lot of money. Like, how are you caring for you? For some of us, it is, you know, I like treat myself to a handbag or treat myself to a luxury vacation or et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, a nice uh uh uh meal. But for some of us, that that's nothing. That's those are not even your forte. I just want to um relax in in my my shower or my tub with the body, the skincare items that I like. It doesn't matter. You see the point I'm making? The point is, how are you pouring into you? What are you doing to enjoy your life? And not even, you know how when if you have children, if you're a mom, you know, when your your children are young, if you are able to, you like to take them, you know, to on trips to, you know, maybe Florida or King's Island or wherever. And and some of us may be able to take our children further places. Like I took my daughters, went to Greece with me. I took them to Greece, I've taken them to Hawaii, you know, different places. Um, but it's not all about as a woman, as women, y'all, our kids, even. What about you? What about you? What do you want? You know, how are you taking care of you? Not just everything is connected to your children. That's something that I'm learning as my daughters get older. They're 21 now, young adults. Um, what do what do I want? Um, how do I want to live my life? How do I want to treat myself? Um, there are some things that I will continue to enjoy with my daughters, but there are things that they're Lord willing, they will go on with their own lives and they have their own families. What do I want? How are you treating yourself? How you treat yourself will shape the quality of your life and how you spend your days. It also creates um um it it it it it uh models how we want others to treat us, right? If you are not treating yourself well, why would someone else? What kind of standards do you have for you? What are the things you like? Do you buy yourself fresh flowers if you like flowers? Not just waiting on, you know, a uh a significant other to buy it or even your children. Just buy them for yourself, right? How do you speak to yourself? Do you speak positively to you? Do you um do you look in, you know, think you know, highly of yourself? I you know, I I was thinking when we traveled to Greece, beautiful country, beautiful people, y'all. I am a African-American woman, I'm a black woman, right? And I'm I'm I'm perfectly fine with that. I love myself. Um, and and just here recently, you know, I I I love myself, right? And so we dealt with um a little bit of racism. And that, you know, being a black woman, it I was not surprised. It wasn't a lot, it was not um I've dealt with worse. I'll say it that way, but it was a little, little, just very little here and there. But overall, the people were wonderful. So I'm only I'm saying this to make a point, not to say it's a racist country because I did not get that impression. Um, but even in that the times that the two tank is happening twice, um, and in my mind, I'm thinking, I love my skin. Like, I think my skin is gorgeous. I love the shade of my skin, I love the shine of my skin. Um, I love me. I think my complexion is beautiful, right? And you should think the same about you, whether you are Asian, Caucasian, African American, um, mixed, whatever you are. Love you. I love my skin. I genuinely look in this, and I think my skin is gorgeous. The shade, everything about it. Like, I like me. You know what I mean? And I don't mean that in a vain, arrogant way. Like, but I what's wrong with my like that is your problem if you have a problem with me because I'm a black woman. Like, I'm dope. Like, I look what what that's on you, you know what I mean? And that was my natural response. That's God. He didn't make any mistakes when he created me, he didn't make any mistakes when he created you. And we may not start off some of us, depending on what we've gone through, with that kind of um um confidence, if you will. Again, not arrogance, but confidence. But baby, I got it now. If I didn't have it before, and I I'm pretty I've been pretty confident my whole life, but it I'm I find myself it's such a it was such a natural response, and I loved it, right? It wasn't forced, it wasn't in a um uh anti-racist way, or suddenly I'm I'm I was being racist in my mind back to them, like, well, I look better. No, it was nothing. It was like like that's weird because I my skin looks good. Like it just was such a natural, I feel like a healthy response. I love myself. I love what God has created. I'm learning to love the things about myself that I haven't always loved. You know what I mean? I'm learning in um me, starting to understand me more. There are things that I still that still need to change about me, I still need to overcome. I'm not perfect by any means, but I love myself. I love my skin, I love the way I look, all of that. You know what I mean? In in all of its imperfections. It's me, right? So, how do you speak about yourself? When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Like, do you do you look at yourself and say, I deserve to be respected, I deserve to be loved, I deserve to be honored, you know, and as a mom or as a wife or um whatever. I deserve to be heard in the workplace, whatever your situation is. Um, and and listen, the real power move, y'all, is the humility that comes with that. I don't have to be arrogant, I don't have to be loud, I don't have to be uh overly verbose, pushy. There's a time when my I'm a strong woman, don't get me wrong, but the beauty is in the confidence and the meekness that comes with it, with the confidence. The meekness, the humility that comes with confidence, it tempers it. And and there's yeah, I can I I it it gives me a posture internally that you can't touch, right? Um, because I answer to God first of all, and and and so humility is the way. I'm nothing without him, but I'm everything with him. I'm nothing without God, but I'm everything with him, right? He made me who I am, and so he makes me great. And so I just, you know, how do you talk to yourself? I'm getting off a little bit on off on a tangent, but I I hope this is helpful to somebody because you are important. You know, how do you speak to yourself? How do you pace your life? Are you allowing yourself to slow down where you can, allowing yourself to rest, um, not just constantly under pressure. Right? Um, we don't want to have the complex that the world's gonna fall apart if we don't do it, if we don't show up, they need me. They they they the life is gonna go on with or without you. With or without me, honey, life is gonna go on. Um, so my um value doesn't come from me overextending myself. That's not what makes me valuable. What makes me valuable is who God has made me to be. What makes me even more valuable is is understanding what my needs are as well as um comprehending those that need me. I have to know what I need too. You know, one of the pillars of growing 80, um, because grow is an acronym, right? It's growing in grace, revelation, overcoming, and the W is for wellness, right? And so years ago, as you know, when I started the business, that was what Grow, what the foundation of what Grow is the pillars that it stands on. And growing um and and obtaining revelation and overcoming obstacles, all of those things are good, but they are not lasting without wellness. Our mental rest, emotional rest, spiritual refreshing and renewal, peace. Oh my gosh, peace. Allowing yourself some space or some uh a margin in your life, not being all the way, always operating to full capacity. No, it should be some margin there. A place where uh I just can sit and do nothing. My whole day should not always be booked. That's what I mean by margin, and there's some balance, right, to what we do. How what's your overall wellness like um and making sure that we are prioritizing that? So I want to leave you with this thought. How do you treat yourself? Like, really think about it, y'all. I'm not talking about this social media hype um or you know, and everything is about me, myself, and I know how do you treat yourself? How do you um um find your value? Do you only feel valuable when you are productive for other people and jobs and and family and this friends versus you know, just in sitting with yourself? And doing nothing, easing into your day, as my my BFF said, and also Jeff Bezos. When was the last time you truly rested? Like Psalms 23 talks about. Have you and because Psalms 23 is also talking about stillness and peace? So that in internal rest, mental rest. Have you allowed yourself to enjoy life? What have you done lately that you like? It could just be going to the park or um whatever those things that you like to enjoy life. Um and are you constantly pouring rather than being refilled? Oh, God, it's so good. I gotta tell y'all, this is I closed. So I had a dream, and I shared this at church, but I had a dream when I got back from vacation um that it was all this food on this table, right? It was food everywhere. And in the dream, I picked up this cup, and the food were they were like big things like bacon. I remember specifically one of them was a plate of pancakes, right? And so I'm picking up this cup to put food in. Now, obviously, those types of foods don't fit in a cup, they're better served on a plate, right? But I began to cut the pancakes because for whatever reason I'm stuffing it down in this cup like I'm gonna eat it, you know, out of the cup. And as I woke up, the thought came to me um, fill your cup. Your cup needs to be filled. And it was it was coming into Sunday to go to church where I can sit down and hear the word of God, eat the word, right? The word is what I needed. I needed to be refilled with the word of God, right? And hear from my pastor, the the man that God has set me under to pour into my spirit. You know, obviously I'm reading on my own and all those things and praying, and um, we can listen to online, whatever, but no, God was saying to fill your cup. It's time to eat. And so I'm asking you, how do you refill yourself? How are you being refilled? There's some things that we we do to refill ourselves, and there's when we're talking spiritual, you need to be refilled. The word of God, we have to eat the word, right? So, not just um, you know, my favorite book, my favorite podcast, etc. etc. The word, right? And so, even in that, you know, I didn't really think about that till just now, how that kind of ties to what I had already been meditating on and how we take care of ourselves. And so even God is He's so mindful. He's saying, eat, eat, take that cup, stuff that food, you know, refill your cup, which is kind of a biblical um um analogy, if you will. So I'm learning to take care of myself, y'all. And and to understand that it's not selfish and um is wise, it's wisdom. I have to take care of me. Um, I deserve to be taken care of, and you do too. And we can't always wait on someone to do it. You have to take care of you. Um, and sometimes that's the most productive thing that I can do is take care of me, take care of myself, enjoy my life. On this side, I only have this one life. I've worked hard, and so I need to enjoy some of the fruit of my labor as well as stewarding for my future and my my um offspring's future. So do it and don't feel guilty, sis. Don't feel guilty. Take care of you. And sometimes we can't always do it that in a big way. We can't do 10 days. I was gone for 10 days to Greece. Um, you know, we because we do have responsibilities, right? We have people that are relying on us, but there are things you can do to work in what you need in order to refresh yourself. It doesn't always have to be the big thing, right? There are little things. In fact, if we are more consistent with doing those things, finding ways of things that we enjoy, laughter and and and rest, and all those things that will help us to steward our our overall life because we are such highly productive people and we are in high demand. We have a lot of responsibilities. Most people that I know have a lot of commitments, including me. And so we we gotta take care of ourselves, right? Treat yourself well, sis. Treat yourself well, you deserve it. In whatever way that looks like for you, you deserve it. All right, so I'm gonna leave y'all with that thought. I missed y'all, so I hope that this um inspires you and uh motivates you to go off and do something for yourself. And if that's laying in the bed, honey, on a Saturday all day uh and relaxing, do that. Whatever it looks like for you, do it and don't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty. You deserve it. All right, till next time.