Choose Wisely

Pain, betrayal, disappointment, and unexpected life changes can create an urgency to respond, react, or make a move. But sometimes the wisest thing you can do is be still.

In this episode of GROW180 Talks, Anitra explores what can happen when we make decisions from a place of hurt, anger, loneliness, fear, or disappointment. A choice made in a painful moment can have consequences long after the intensity of that moment has passed.

This conversation is a reminder that you don't have to respond today. You don't have to figure everything out today. Sometimes you need to sit with the pain, take it to God, seek wisdom, and give yourself time before deciding what comes next.

Ask yourself: Am I choosing from wisdom, or am I reacting from pain?

Don't let pain hold the pen and write the next chapter of your life.

Choose wisely.

Transcript

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Welcome back to Grow A Nady Talks. I am excited to be with you today. I have a topic that I want to talk to you all about that I believe will be a blessing to you. As you know, um or I think I've shared, I need to be inspired before I record. So I don't want to waste your time. I don't want to waste my time. And I really do feel um inspired by what dropped in my heart this morning, early this morning. And I made a post um earlier this week. This is dropping on two on Thursday. I made a post on Tuesday about this early in the morning because it really was something that dropped in my heart that I believe um will be a help. So what I want to talk to you about today is the choices that we make and the importance of choosing wisely. You know, life life, right? We experience all types of things in life: letdowns, betrayals, disappointments, um, pain, all types of things, right? Life is just going to continue to be life. Um, and and life, uh, God intends for us to learn from the things that we go through. And so as we go through the things in life that we are going through, the idea is that we would come out better, right? Not worse. So come out better, not bitter, if you will. So when these things, life-changing events, um, things that take our breath away happen, we have to be um a little more calculated in how we respond. One wrong decision can change the entire trajectory of your life. I know this to be true. I remember, you know, as a young um teenager, my mom would um drill this into my sister and I and my brother that one wrong decision can ruin your life. She would say it in that way. And it's very true. One wrong decision can just change everything for you. You can find yourself doing things you cannot take back. And so I want you to learn how to just be still. You know, be still. We want to get out of what we're going through, it's human nature. We want the pain to stop, we want um the person that betrayed us to pay, um, etc. Right, and so it it can make us want to quickly react, make us want to avenge ourselves, make us make decisions that we later will regret, and some sometimes even worse. Um, for example, um, like the road rage situations, right? You have people riding down the street, they're arguing through the car windows, acting crazy, y'all. We've I've uh I remember a few recent years ago hearing about road rage, not very many miles from my home, and it turned into the a woman literally getting out a gun that she had in the vehicle and shooting the driver that cut her off, or whatever the situation was. In that split moment, I believe she sped off and went home or whatever. Honey, they found her, and she's in prison to this day. And God knows how long she it could be life. I don't know what she ended up getting. But a split second decision of anger, of rage, of who are you to disrespect me? Literally killed someone, took their life, and completely ruined your life. We have to stop. Stop in our moments of frustration, stop in our moments of anger, stop in our moments of I don't understand, stop in our pain. You know, there's some deep pains we can go through, but we have to stop before we react and think. You don't want to be in a position where you want out of the pain so bad that it's this urgency upon you to get out of it. Because when you yield to that urgency is when you can end up doing something that you will regret. We want the relief, but in all things, we have to learn how to be patient. We gotta learn, y'all, how to be patient. It is okay to have to sit with your pain. I have gone through some storms. Um, a life-changing event for me, for example, was when my mother passed unexpectedly. What a lot of people didn't know was during that same window of my mother passing, and I literally mean within um she passed in December, uh December the 15th. My birthday is January 29th. I remember that as a marker because just a few weeks before, maybe a week or so before my birthday, maybe two weeks before, the everything else in my life, uh another very important part of my life just fell apart. Again, very unexpectedly. And so I'm dealing with two storms at once. When I tell you the pain, the grief, the disappointment that I endured almost seemed unbearable. However, and to God be the glory, I knew that I had to keep myself under control. I knew I had to, number one, pray. Right? I needed an outlet. I needed to talk to God about how I was really feeling, being honest with God. So when I talk about choosing wisely and sitting with your pain, number one, you need an outlet. And prayer for me was it. That was one of them, right? And so I and being honest and vulnerable with God in prayer about what you're feeling and what you're thinking. If you're like, Lord, I'm angry, you know, I'm disappointed, I'm hurt, I'm frustrated, I'm mad, I feel betrayed. Um, even Lord, why did this happen? Why do you know just God can handle um the dump, if you will, as long as you respect him, right? And don't accuse him, we can be honest with God about what we feel, and he already knows. So that was one thing, definitely prayer, my relationship with God. The other thing is in this case, I did seek professional counseling. It was a double storm, a double tornado, if you will. I sought professional counseling, and it helped me also to have a face-to-face outlet. I was very prayerful about who I chose to be to counsel me, but I also sought professional counseling. Secondly, um thirdly, I used um very, very, very close friends and family, not my entire network of people that I know. I mean two to three people that if I needed to pick up the phone and confide in them, I could. If I needed just um uh another way of expressing myself, I had a safe place with these people that I could trust, that I could be vulnerable with, I could be honest with, that were also going to give me sound advice. They were not going to tell me, yeah, go get so-and-so and do so-and-so, excuse me, and post this and expose this. No, no. They knew that my life, my children's lives, and my ministry and my calling were bigger than what I was dealing with, bigger than the pain that I was feeling. You have to understand that the pain is temporary. You have a life that's bigger than just what you're going through right now. And if you ruin your future or ruin even your reputation by reacting and being and so desperately wanting to get the pain to stop, even if it's a temporary outlet of I'm gonna tell you off. That's a temporary relief, right? Any of that, but you still gotta then sleep with yourself, you gotta live with yourself, you gotta answer to God. Even for non-believers, we will have to answer. You you've got to be able to face yourself in the mirror. And then your children, if you have children, they um have to deal with things that we do, choices we make, right? It's bigger than you. If you have a business, if you have a career, if you're certainly if you're called to ministry, it's bigger than just you and your what you're feeling. So you have to make wise choices. You cannot fly off the handle when things go wrong. And so us wanting that instant relief or that uh instant gratification, you have it's not worth it all. It's not worth it. I'm not even gonna say always, ever. So don't let the pain make a decision for you. Say that again. Don't let your pain decide for you how you're going to respond. Be careful what you're doing, what you do while you're hurting. If you're dealing with loneliness, you know, um, you can choose to go fulfill to scratch the itch, if you will. But is it right for you? Is it the will of God for you? Um, what kind of example are you being for those that's watching? Um betrayal, as I talked about earlier, can make you want to retaliate to get even, but then you gotta live with those consequences because eventually it comes around. Um sometimes in our frustration we can speak too quickly. Be slow to speak, swift to hear, and slow to wrath. Slow to speak, slow to wrath, and swift to hear. And I'm probably getting the order mixed up, but that's the scripture I believe in the books of the book of James. We gotta be slow to speak and slow to wrath or slow to anger and swift to hear, because if you're you're swift to hear, you'll get that caution. Like, now don't do that. Don't say that. Do not drive over there, you know what I mean? We'll get those signals within us to let us know, don't do that. And then you gotta really certain things at what point do you do you become above that? That's not pride, that's I've grown. That's why growth is so important that we evolve, that we're not the same people we were when we were 18 or 10 years ago, whatever your age is. No, I've grown, I'm maturing, I don't react the same way that I would to a situation years back. So you have to be careful how you respond, what you say when you're frustrated, because words do hurt. Um, or you you may say, well, I'll never talk to that person again. Well, never say never. For example, you know what I mean? Or I wish I would, you know, such as no. Like just stop, be quiet, be quiet. Practice quiet, slow to speak. And just sometimes just let it sit, let it ride. It takes it's not it's not easy, but it's still right. Everything that's easy that's right isn't easy, but it is what's best, it's wisdom. And we we want to be wise, right? So you gotta be careful how you respond when you're hurting, when you're in pain. So how do we sit with it? You know, when I say just let it ride or, you know, um sit with the pain. Meaning I don't have to instantaneously respond, I don't have to make any decisions today. That's another big one. Decision. So I opened up by saying that, and my my real theme here that I want you to pick up is choosing wisely. Everything is a choice. Everything is a choice. Saying yes to God is a choice. He's not gonna force us. So if he's not gonna force us to serve him, we have to choose to say yes to him. How much more in your day-to-day life? God's not going to force you to not make shipwreck. He's not going to force you not to run somebody off the road, he's not going to force you not to go over there and shoot up the place. He's not going to force you to lie, steep, steal and cheat. He's not going to force you to not expose your enemy and everything that they've done to the world. He's not going to force you to not go clean off, cussing folks out, and the kids is hearing it. He's not going to force you to decide on a whim because you're mad at your spouse, you're getting a divorce. Stop. Sit with it, take a beat, pause. Think. When I say sit with it, stop and think. Be prayerful. You might even journal. Seek wise counsel. Sleep on it. Sometimes just sleeping on it is all the time that you you you need. Uh don't hit send on the email or the text just yet. You might type it because it makes you feel good in that moment. Sure. I've done this. And just let it sit in the inbox. I mean, yeah, in the uh in the um where it's saved at, pending. Let it stay impending. And then read it with a fresh mind and fresh eyes the next day or a couple of days later, even the text. And then decide do do I still feel strongly enough in the way that I, you know, what I wrote to actually send this. Just sit with the pain for a minute. If they feel like they got the last word, let them have the last word. I've learned this to pick my battles. You gotta pick your battles. I'm not titting and tatting with you, tit for tat. I I I got bigger things to do. Yes, there are some days where I got time today, right? But that's few and far in between. And um God has taught me and life has taught me that picking my battles, because there is a time to speak, there's a time to respond, there's a time to set the record straight, there's a time to correct, there's a time to speak up for yourself. Don't get me wrong. But if you don't, if you never pause and you just fly off the handle about everything, how am I any different than the woman that I just told you about on the road raids on the exit that killed the man because he cut her off or whatever happened? And now he's dead and she's in prison. How am I any different? That's the problem, though. We think it's different because it's not a loaded gun, but your mouth can be just as venomous. Your mouth can get you fired. Your mouth can embarrass your children, your mouth can put you in a position where you is you done talked yourself right out of A, B, C, and D, and now you're looking crazy. But because you wish you hadn't said it. So we have to learn how to just pause, sit with it. It's alright. The pain is it's it has its place, it's okay. Again, I have to say this throughout: it's easier said than done, but it still is right, it's still right, and you'll find the more that you exercise temperance, because that's really what I'm talking about, self-control, and I choose when I'm going to respond to something, if I'm going to respond, I choose what I'm gonna say, if I have anything to say, I choose um uh my what how I'm going to react to a situation. I make the choice. I don't allow my pain and my emotions to drive me because I've had to pay for that before. Have you ever had to pay for something you did? And you wish you hadn't done it? That's where wisdom is gained. We have to learn from those things. Like, I don't want to be in that situation again. And being honest, when really it was because of me. I did that to myself because I went too far or I overreacted. It could be, you know, dealing with work, for example. Emails come in, uh, chat teams, chats come in. You have to be even very careful with that. You read it, and it can sound like the tone is one way, and that's not even what the person intended. Stop and read it again. It's like when we look at life through eyes of anger, we look at we look at things through the eyes of anger, or well, that's just always who that person is, or disappointment or frustration all the time. You didn't even really read what they said, or you just assume that's what they meant. And that's not even wasn't even the intent for that specific situation because we come into it just already expecting something negative. And some people have set a pattern and a precedence, and that's how they presented themselves, sure. But it because I'm uh aware, self-aware, I need to have emotional intelligence, I have bigger fish to fry, I answer to a higher calling. Uh I have set myself above certain things that I'm just not gonna do. Not that I'm better than you, but I there's certain things I'm just not gonna let myself do no more. I've grown past that. Then I have to look at look at everything with a with somewhat level of the benefit of the doubt, so that I'm not overreacting to everything either. Because that can happen. So sit with it, give yourself some time, right? You acknowledge what a person does. Like I'm not blind and stupid. I I see what you did, but I still make the choice on what I do, how I do, and if I do. So I'm gonna choose wisdom before action and ask God, what is the response you want me to have, if any at all? Get wise counsel. Um, otherwise, as I've said, I don't want to be making a life-changing decision in the middle of a life-changing moment. I don't want to make a life-changing decision in the middle of a life-changing moment. Some moments are more serious than the things that examples I'm giving, those are things that just, you know, get on our nerves, if you will. Pet peeves. They might even uh make us mad. But there are some things that are way bigger than that, right? And that this is also something that I've learned. When I talked about the two storms that I went through a few years ago, my mom passing another very personal storm, those were big heavy things. The little stuff that might have been going on, say at work or this little thing, I that's child's play compared to real tests, to real storms, to real testing trials, right? So sometimes we piddling around and stuff and flying off on a handle on stuff that don't really even matter, y'all. Some of that's that ain't that ain't life-changing events. If you did a lot of times that people that stuff is laced and people are jealous, they're envious. It could be, you know, all kinds of stuff, or they just setting their ways. Y'all just bump heads, whatever. That's child's play until when you go through some real, real test. Some stuff that will show enough, try your faith, but also try your character. You need to write that down. Try your faith and your character. Do you still believe God and trust God? Faith, but my character, how am I going to respond to this? Am I who I say I am? Can I hold the line of integrity when I've been stabbed in the back, lied on, name smeared? Can I hold the line of integrity when my body is racking with pain? You know, can I hold the line of integrity when I've been unjustly fired? You know, though life changing events when my child is ill. Or sick, or um, I lose a loved one that didn't deserve it. Can I hold the line of integrity? Can I hold um is my character still intact? Am I am I still able to walk in who I am, who who I said I was? Which is why if you think back, go back up to what I was saying, you have to have other outlets. I need the place to vent. I need to be able to take to go to God and be honest and real. I need wise counsel. I need to get in my word. I need friends and family around me, a very close-knit circle, not everybody, that I can be honest and vulnerable with in my moments of frustration. So I don't pick up the phone and say such and such to so and so. They're gonna help cover me and protect me because they understand that my life is bigger than this moment. It's not just about me, but it's also about who am I? Who's relying on me? Who's counting on me? Who's looking at me? Who's watching me? What kind of uh um uh character do I want to splay? What kind of legacy do I want to live? It hurt. Oh, it hurt, baby. It hurts. I much rather cry myself to sleep some nights than get revenge. That's now that's me personally. I rather cry myself to sleep and wake up knowing, but I didn't do what I wanted to do, which was not of God. I didn't do it. I passed the test, I didn't do it. Because I know that the pain is gonna subside. I know it is. Life teaches you that. You're not always gonna feel the way you feel if you allow yourself to be helped. You don't have to turn out bitter, you don't have to. You got to do the work though, if you don't want to end up bitter and hateful. You gotta do the work. And with the work in time, you will heal, you will forgive, you will move on. Right? Because there's more life to live. So you have to ask yourself, you know, understand that this is bigger than just this moment, right? And I want to leave you again with the scriptures, James 1 and 19. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, and get the wise counsel in the support system you need. So I'm gonna wrap it up with this. Am I responding from wisdom or reacting from pain? Which are you doing? Are you responding from wisdom? Or are you just reactive? Would you make the same decision if you weren't angry, hurt, lonely, frustrated, afraid? Would you make the same decision? Does the choice that you making align with the person you are becoming? There's a choice you're making. Align with the person you say you are or the person you want to become. And have you given yourself enough time to hear clearly? I mentioned that earlier. Have you paused long enough to hear? Remember, be swift to hear. Are you just on you just black out, you own a hundred and uh watch out everybody that's in my way? You could what that's a horrible way to live. It's not a good way to live. It's unhealthy, it's ungodly, it's toxic. So I just want to leave you with this. You know, we gotta grow. We have to grow. But growth is a choice. Whatever you're facing, I want you to choose wisely. Yes, the pain is real, and you're not talking to somebody or listening to somebody who doesn't know about pain, but it doesn't have to determine your next move. Your pain does not have to determine your next move. Be still, pray, give yourself some time. Don't let pain hold the pen and write the next chapter of your life. Don't let pain do it. Just stay aware of you, use emotional intelligence, and and then make the decision of if, when, and how you're going to react to respond to whatever it is, even to yourself. Watch what you say and what you speak over yourself. Not only to the outside world, but even to you. Don't speak uh damnation over yourself, hate over yourself. I'll never have this, I'll never do this again, this is never gonna happen for me. Just be quiet and sit with it for a minute. All right, so I hope this encourages you. Um, I'm your girl. I'm here to help you grow. I'm here to challenge you, I'm here to show you a better way because there are there is a better way, believe it, to make it through this life. And it's a more happy, it's a happier way, a healthier way, and a holier way. Right? Healthy, happy, holy relationships, even with yourself. There's a better way, y'all. So be encouraged and we will talk soon. I hope you enjoy this podcast. Leave some comments, um, share it with other people, please. Share it with your friends, with your neighbors, with your enemies, whoever. Share the podcast so that we the word can be spread abroad. Just practical conversation um and wisdom that I hope and know will be a blessing to you. All right, talk soon.