SPEAKER_00: You are listening to the Gateway Franklin Church podcast.
SPEAKER_00: To learn more about Gateway Franklin Church, including our service times here in Franklin, Tennessee, visit us online at GatewayFranklin.com.
SPEAKER_00: And now, here is this week's message.
SPEAKER_01: Good morning.
SPEAKER_01: It's good to be with all of you.
SPEAKER_01: My name is Tori.
SPEAKER_01: I'm the associate pastor here at Gateway.
SPEAKER_01: To those of you who are watching online, wherever you're watching from, I'm sure glad that you can be a part of today as well.
SPEAKER_01: You know, last week we kicked off a series, and uh the whole message was really about this theme of confession.
SPEAKER_01: And so I felt like the only responsible thing for me to do would be to come here today and confess to something.
SPEAKER_01: Um it's not sinful, um, but it's probably a little unbecoming of someone in my position, a pastor.
SPEAKER_01: Um, and that is I hate making new friends.
SPEAKER_01: I hate it.
SPEAKER_01: With the fire of a thousand signs.
SPEAKER_01: Let me specify, I don't I don't hate people.
SPEAKER_01: I love people, I love all kinds of people.
SPEAKER_01: How many of you know there's some interesting people out there?
SPEAKER_01: Anybody ever met an interesting fella?
SPEAKER_01: I love meeting new people, especially here at church.
SPEAKER_01: Not because it's my job.
SPEAKER_01: I just find it easier to meet people and to engage with them when there's some structure, right?
SPEAKER_01: When I know what my purpose is.
SPEAKER_01: When I show up on a Sunday morning, generally, I know what's expected of me.
SPEAKER_01: I know what you expect of me.
SPEAKER_01: When you show up on a Sunday morning, most of the time, I have a good idea of why you're here and I know what you're looking for.
SPEAKER_01: And so uh I'm the type of guy who would much rather meet people on a project where we have a shared task and are working towards some defined objective than be the type of person who meets people at like a cocktail party where we're just all socializing.
SPEAKER_01: That sounds terrible, right?
SPEAKER_01: Does anybody know what I'm talking about?
SPEAKER_01: All right.
SPEAKER_01: I am married to the opposite.
SPEAKER_01: Um, my wife, she is great at meeting new people.
SPEAKER_01: And she does this horrible thing where she meets new people and she wants me to meet them too.
SPEAKER_01: Um we'll be at soccer or something, and she'll strike up a conversation, and I'm doing my best to be polite enough in case they ask me what I do comes up.
SPEAKER_01: Um, and I have to give an account.
SPEAKER_01: Um But you know, time will pass, and then she'll say, Hey, you remember Jack and Kate?
SPEAKER_01: I don't know who Jack and Kate are.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, you do.
SPEAKER_01: We met them about three weeks ago in the parking lot after the soccer game.
SPEAKER_01: I've never met a Jack and Kate in my life, woman.
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01: Well, we're having dinner with them this Thursday.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm just oh my gosh, not this again.
SPEAKER_01: All right, who is married to someone like my wife?
SPEAKER_01: All right, I am so sorry.
SPEAKER_01: I'm so sorry, it's a struggle.
SPEAKER_01: So for those of you who are maybe visiting today, I'm sorry that this is your first impression.
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure this is not what you were hoping to find um in the guy speaking to you today.
SPEAKER_01: But um if you are new and this is an awkward experience for you, and you know, you're maybe someone dragged you here today or uh you promised a friend that you would come and you're making good on that promise.
SPEAKER_01: I I respect what you're doing.
SPEAKER_01: I know how difficult it can be.
SPEAKER_01: About 18 months ago, my wife and I moved uh from Florida to Tennessee, and let me just tell you, I was completely unprepared for how hard it was going to be to start over relationally.
SPEAKER_01: Because I hadn't been new anywhere in a long time.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the last time I had moved anywhere was straight out of college, which that's like par for the course in college, right?
SPEAKER_01: Everything's new, it changes by the semester, so it wasn't a big deal.
SPEAKER_01: But but we moved to Florida and we we put a flag in the ground and we start a family and we make work relationships and we get embedded into the community and we start to develop, you know, a reputation, and we have all these connections, and it's great, and we feel known, and we have our place, and then we uproot and we go somewhere where we don't know anybody.
SPEAKER_01: And it's not that here was bad, right?
SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is like one of the friendliest places on the planet, but it's the fact of being new is just it's not fun, right?
SPEAKER_01: And it cost more than you expect.
SPEAKER_01: And for some of you, you've been new yourself, and it maybe not because you moved or even a choice of your own making.
SPEAKER_01: It's just the way life happens.
SPEAKER_01: Life has this way of constantly uh reshuffling the deck.
SPEAKER_01: You know, maybe you were uh single, but now you're married.
SPEAKER_01: Or you're married, now you have kids.
SPEAKER_01: And you just don't do the same things that you used to do on the weekend.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: And the people that you used to hang out with and spend your time with, they're just in very different seasons.
SPEAKER_01: It's not that anything's bad, it's just that your your life isn't meshing up the way that it used to.
SPEAKER_01: It could be a situation where it's not that you had kids, it's that your kids finally grew up and left.
SPEAKER_01: And you're looking at your spouse and you're saying, what do you want to do this Saturday?
SPEAKER_01: It's the first Saturday we've had free in 18 years.
SPEAKER_01: And you start to look around wondering who your people are, and you have no idea.
SPEAKER_01: Because you realize your entire concept of community has revolved around your kids' activities for their entire life.
SPEAKER_01: It could be that there was a job change or a church change or a hard season where the people in your life who are close to you, but because of circumstance or the way things shook out, um, they're just not there anymore.
SPEAKER_01: And when you find yourself in a place where community has disappeared, or maybe you disappeared, reconnecting with a new community can feel like a chore at best or paralyzing at worst.
SPEAKER_01: And look, I recognize that I have this probably easier than most of you.
SPEAKER_01: Because of the nature of what I do, community and friendships are kind of baked in.
SPEAKER_01: So I can't imagine how difficult it is to find yourself in a position where you got to put yourself out there again.
SPEAKER_01: And if it's been a long time, it can be really scary.
SPEAKER_01: And so for a lot of us, you know, we find it more comfortable just to do our own thing.
SPEAKER_01: Because it's just less work.
SPEAKER_01: We're pretty content.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Maybe we got our spouse or we got somebody, and like that that's just enough.
SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to disrupt the water because things seem to be pretty smooth and we'll just get by.
SPEAKER_01: And uh, although it's easier and less risky in the short run, it might feel fine.
SPEAKER_01: But but I want to show you this morning that in the long run, you're gonna miss something that's really essential to the joy-filled life.
SPEAKER_01: In this series, we're talking about how to be joyful, right?
SPEAKER_01: Not joy empty, and not joy at about 50%, right?
SPEAKER_01: But how to really live in the fullness of joy, the way that the Bible describes it.
SPEAKER_01: You see, God has a design for human flourishing.
SPEAKER_01: And the beautiful thing about God's design is when you live inside that design, joy is not something that you have to chase, it is something that you get to experience.
SPEAKER_01: But as we're talking about through this series, there are things in our life that seem to get in the way.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: They take up space in our heart.
SPEAKER_01: And because they're taking up space, we have a responsibility, if we want to experience fullness, to get those things out of the way first to make more room for what God has for us.
SPEAKER_01: Now, last week we kicked off this series by talking about sin, how unaddressed sin creates gap, uh, creates a gap between us and God, and it's that gap, that relational distance that really drains our joy.
SPEAKER_01: But this week we're gonna talk about something kind of connected to that idea, but a little different.
SPEAKER_01: It's not our relationship with God, but it's our relationship with others.
SPEAKER_01: And I want to show you how relationships with others aren't just an optional feature of Christianity, but but relationships are are kind of the whole thing.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: It's just how this thing works.
SPEAKER_01: So let's start with what God has to say about it.
SPEAKER_01: If you were to ask Tori, what pre uh my understanding of this, what do you think about community?
SPEAKER_01: I probably would have compared it to something like a vitamin.
SPEAKER_01: All right, it's good.
SPEAKER_01: I should probably take it, but if I skip it, it's not that big a deal.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Like it wasn't even until like two years ago that I even believed in potassium.
SPEAKER_01: I thought that was a lie, right?
SPEAKER_01: That's just somebody trying to sell me something.
SPEAKER_01: All right, I don't, what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_01: Your iron levels are low.
SPEAKER_01: Iron levels, what are you talking about iron levels?
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: So we we think, yeah, okay, that might be good for somebody.
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure it adds value, but if I neglect those things, like it's probably not going to produce any real effect.
SPEAKER_01: Now, the problem with that is when you take that view and try to map that on scripture, it falls completely flat.
SPEAKER_01: Because what we actually see is in the Bible, community is seen as this essential part of God's design from beginning to end.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: In the very first chapters of Genesis, God makes this beautiful world, right, and all the animals in it.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, from the moon and the stars to the Milky Way to the mighty lion to the chubby little groundhog.
SPEAKER_01: And he looks at his creation and he says, Man, this is good.
SPEAKER_01: But he saves the best for last.
SPEAKER_01: And he says to himself, let us make man in our image.
SPEAKER_01: And he takes the dirt from the ground, the dirt that Pastor Charlie was talking about earlier, and he and he fastens it into the shape of a man, and God himself breathes into this dirt man's nostrils, and he comes alive.
SPEAKER_01: And if the pattern of creation were to continue, this would be the part where God says, Wow, this, this is good.
SPEAKER_01: This is my best work yet.
SPEAKER_01: But that's not what God says.
SPEAKER_01: In fact, just a few verses later in Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, now keep in mind this is before sin has entered the world, or or there was such a thing as brokenness.
SPEAKER_01: And God looks at this man that he had designed to his exact specifications that was carrying his own breath of life in him, and he says, This is not good.
SPEAKER_01: Now, according to the account that we have in the Bible, this is the first time that God ever says those words.
SPEAKER_01: And when he's looking at this man, it's not that Adam was broken, it's not that there was anything wrong in the design or that he put the nose on there a little crooked by accident.
SPEAKER_01: He's looking at the fact that Adam is alone and says, This is this is not the way this thing is supposed to be.
SPEAKER_01: So from the very beginning, we see that we are designed for community.
SPEAKER_01: And we see that when man or woman is alone, God is looking at that situation, shaking his head, saying, Man, that's not the way that's supposed to go.
SPEAKER_01: So, what that means for us is this isn't a personal or personality problem, it's a design problem.
SPEAKER_01: So let me speak to the introverts in the room.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: God did not program some of us for community and others to not have community.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: The introverts need community too.
SPEAKER_01: Now, extroverts, they need it a little differently.
SPEAKER_01: Okay?
SPEAKER_01: They might need a little more space and uh a little more time between interactions, right?
SPEAKER_01: But each and every one of us were designed to have relationships with others.
SPEAKER_01: And it's for our good.
SPEAKER_01: Solomon, who's writing about relationships in Ecclesiastes, this is towards the end of his life, he makes this observation.
SPEAKER_01: He says, Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor.
SPEAKER_01: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
SPEAKER_01: Fast forward a few verses.
SPEAKER_01: A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
SPEAKER_01: So not only is it good, but it's good because it helps us to do more good.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: When we're together by God's design, we're more effective, we're safer, we're stronger when we're in relationships with others.
SPEAKER_01: But if we were to move beyond the benefits and just examine how community is a part of the framework and the way that God interacts with people, have you ever noticed that throughout the Bible, God's covenants that he makes with us are always communal in nature?
SPEAKER_01: You see, when God enters into covenant with a person, he does work with an individual and he's intensely personal in the way that he does it.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: But whenever he's working with that individual, it's always for something that's bigger than that individual.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: When God enters into covenant with Abraham and promises to call a nation out of him, it's not just for Abraham's benefits, it's so that all the nations of the earth might be blessed through this people.
SPEAKER_01: When he speaks to Moses, he's not just calling Moses out of slavery in Egypt, but he's calling a people to become his people.
SPEAKER_01: When he makes a covenant with David, which feels very unique and very specific, saying, David, someone from your line will always sit on the throne.
SPEAKER_01: That's not just a promise that benefits David.
SPEAKER_01: It's a promise that one day down the line, that's going to lead to King Jesus, who will reign over every single one of us.
SPEAKER_01: In the New Testament, we see Jesus establishing a new covenant with, yes, 12 disciples, but 12 who would not remain 12, but would spread and become who we are today.
SPEAKER_01: So all throughout Scripture, we see that God's redemptive work in the world isn't a story of spiritual soloist.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: It's people playing a unique role and being a part of something that's bigger than themselves.
SPEAKER_01: And the story that we see in Scripture is our story as the church.
SPEAKER_01: This isn't about me.
SPEAKER_01: This isn't about you.
SPEAKER_01: It's not about the great heroes of the faith, though we love and appreciate what they've contributed.
SPEAKER_01: It's us working together, many members as one body, advancing the glory of God here on the earth.
SPEAKER_01: And not only does the story start there and get to here, but this is how the story ends too.
SPEAKER_01: Because you know one day Jesus is coming back, right?
SPEAKER_01: And when he does, he's coming for a bride.
SPEAKER_01: And that bride is not just one person, it's not me, it's not you, it's not Pastor Charlie.
SPEAKER_01: He's coming for his church.
SPEAKER_01: And Revelation 7.9 gives us a picture of what this bride is going to look like, and he says, there's going to be, she's a great multitude that no one could number from every nation, from all the tribes and peoples and languages standing before the throne.
SPEAKER_01: It's this beautiful picture of the people of God gathered in his presence.
SPEAKER_01: So when we look at this communal arc as it spans from beginning to end, the one conclusion that we can draw is that there's really not any place for this mindset of I can be spiritual and not religious.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Or I can just have a good relationship with God, but I really don't need his people.
SPEAKER_01: If Scripture shows us anything, it's that the only way to be in relationship with God is to be a part of this bigger community.
SPEAKER_01: And plus, if you follow that idea to its logical end, right, what you're gonna find is if you love God and you find his people exhausting, I just want to tell you, you're gonna hate heaven.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Like, who do you expect to be there?
SPEAKER_01: So when we talk about community, I think a good way to think of it is community isn't a feature of Christianity.
SPEAKER_01: It's the shape of it.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: When you are a believer, you are not just believing in something, you belong to a family.
SPEAKER_01: You you actually can't separate the concept of being a follower of Jesus and not being a part of the family of God.
SPEAKER_01: Like those two things mean the same thing.
SPEAKER_01: And so community just is not an option for us.
SPEAKER_01: So here's why this matters in a series on joy.
SPEAKER_01: Last week we said in Psalm 16, 11 that joy is found in the presence of God.
SPEAKER_01: The fullness of joy is found in the presence of God.
SPEAKER_01: Which means that if we want to be full of joy, we've got to find out where God is.
SPEAKER_01: You might be looking for God this morning.
SPEAKER_01: That's why you're here.
SPEAKER_01: You might know where to find God.
SPEAKER_01: I find God at my kitchen counter at 5 30 a.m.
SPEAKER_01: with a cup of coffee.
SPEAKER_01: You might find him somewhere else.
SPEAKER_01: Larry Fleet finds him on a country road.
SPEAKER_01: The sinners laughed at that because they listen, kid, it's a joke.
SPEAKER_01: The beautiful thing about God is that he doesn't want to be hidden, though.
SPEAKER_01: He wants to be found.
SPEAKER_01: Which is why Jesus makes it abundantly clear where we can find him.
SPEAKER_01: He says in Matthew 18, 20, where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them.
SPEAKER_01: So can I just encourage you this morning?
SPEAKER_01: If you've had a hard time finding God, maybe the best place to start looking is by getting around his people.
SPEAKER_01: Because he tells us, that's where his presence is.
SPEAKER_01: Which is why the writer of Hebrews in chapter 10, verse 24 through 25, he tells us, don't forsake gathering together.
SPEAKER_01: Just so you know, that wasn't a pastor who was displeased with church attendance writing that.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: This is a this is a shepherd encouraging his flock, saying, Guys, if you had any idea what was coming, you would know that you're gonna need each other.
SPEAKER_01: This thing, you can't run it alone.
SPEAKER_01: You need relationships.
SPEAKER_01: So if you're gonna forsake anything, don't forsake the body.
SPEAKER_01: Now, this does beg the question, right?
SPEAKER_01: If community is built into our design, it's something that God wants for us, it's what we were made to live in and experience, then why is it so hard?
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: For some of us, why is community just so difficult?
SPEAKER_01: It's difficult to get in because you feel like you're always on the outside, you have no idea how to like get in the circle, and you know, you look at people, they seem to have people, but you don't have people.
SPEAKER_01: If I were to say, Who are your people?
SPEAKER_01: You wouldn't, you wouldn't even know what to answer to that.
SPEAKER_01: Or maybe you're on the other side where you can get into relationships just fine, but you have no idea how like to keep them flourishing.
SPEAKER_01: And you you find that they often suck more of your life than they contribute to it.
SPEAKER_01: And so if that's been your experience, and you feel like, you know, I I get the argument to it, I get the scripture case that you're making.
SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying, in my experience, community doesn't satisfy those itches that you say that I supposedly have.
SPEAKER_01: Well, here's what I want us to do this morning.
SPEAKER_01: I think every person in the room who struggles to get in community or struggle to stay in community, that there's one, at least one of four reasons that that might be the case.
SPEAKER_01: Now, the uniqueness of your reason, right?
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm sure there's a bunch of different reasons out there, could probably fit into one of these four categories.
SPEAKER_01: And I'm happy to be challenged on that, but but the more I kind of review this and just reflect on this, I really think it does boil down to some simple stuff.
SPEAKER_01: And I want to go over those four this morning.
SPEAKER_01: And as we talked about, the whole point of this series is let's go in after the hard stuff, let's make room for more of God, do the the heavy lifting in here so we can experience the life and fullness of joy that He wants us to have.
SPEAKER_01: So let's start.
SPEAKER_01: Here's reason number one we're hurt.
SPEAKER_01: Who hurt you?
SPEAKER_01: Who lied to you, or lied about you, who belittled you, who betrayed you, who rejected you or made you feel unwelcome, who abused you, who gave you a view of yourself that you never wanted to have.
SPEAKER_01: We've all been hurt, but we haven't all been healed.
SPEAKER_01: And it's the gap between our hurt and our healing where unforgiveness likes to set up camp.
SPEAKER_01: You know, the tricky thing about unforgiveness is that it doesn't always feel like bitterness.
SPEAKER_01: In my experience, when when the sting starts to soften, that's when the heart starts to harden.
SPEAKER_01: And so sometimes our unforgiveness actually feels like wisdom or discernment or self-protection.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Because you learned some hard lessons and you've been burned a few times, so you know how people and relationships work, and you're not gonna make those mistakes again.
SPEAKER_01: Right, fool me once, shame on you.
SPEAKER_01: Fool me twice, you ain't gonna fool me again.
SPEAKER_01: He gets it.
SPEAKER_01: The problem with unforgiveness is that it doesn't just keep us from community, but it has a way of completely choking out any joy that community would bring.
SPEAKER_01: When you carry unforgiveness into a new relationship, it has this way of causing you to show up but never fully arriving.
SPEAKER_01: You put one foot in, but you also have your other foot pointed towards the door so you can make a quick escape.
SPEAKER_01: You stay in a relationship and you count offenses and you keep a record in case you ever need that record.
SPEAKER_01: And hurt and disappointment, you're you're constantly looking for it.
SPEAKER_01: And can I just tell you, if you're looking to be hurt or you're looking to be offended, you don't have to look very far.
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna find it.
SPEAKER_01: And if you've been burned before, I completely understand the temptation to want to build walls because it makes sense to do that.
SPEAKER_01: But but the problem is in so doing, and trying to protect yourself.
SPEAKER_01: From future hurt.
SPEAKER_01: All you're doing is robbing your future self from some of the joy that God is trying to give you.
SPEAKER_01: Which is why the writer of Hebrews says, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God.
SPEAKER_01: That no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.
SPEAKER_01: I want to show you two things in this verse.
SPEAKER_01: The first is bitterness doesn't just make a mess for you, it makes a mess for everybody that you're connected with.
SPEAKER_01: When you carry bitterness and unforgiveness and grudges and toxicity into a relationship, it's not just that you are unhappy, but you pollute that relationship for everyone else around you.
SPEAKER_01: This doesn't mean that you can't go into relationships where you're still hurting or working through some things.
SPEAKER_01: But if you've just crossed your arms and said, well, this is the way it works.
SPEAKER_01: This is how it's going to be.
SPEAKER_01: I knew I couldn't trust people.
SPEAKER_01: I knew they were going to talk bad about me.
SPEAKER_01: Can you believe what they did?
SPEAKER_01: Can you believe what they said?
SPEAKER_01: The gossip, the slander, right?
SPEAKER_01: The manipulation, all of that, all it does is just produce this toxic fruit that hurts everybody else.
SPEAKER_01: Now, the second thing I want you to see is that the remedy that this verse is pointing to isn't to just ignore the hurt that you have.
SPEAKER_01: It's not just to say, you know, stiffen that upper lip and keep marching, right?
SPEAKER_01: Get over it.
SPEAKER_01: The verse says the remedy is the grace of God.
SPEAKER_01: And here's how the grace of God works: it works first to heal you, and then it gives you the grace and the ability to forgive things that might otherwise feel unforgivable.
SPEAKER_01: It's grace to you and grace through you.
SPEAKER_01: It's grace so that you can be free.
SPEAKER_01: Remember the verse earlier that we talked about where Jesus says for two or three or more, I'm going to be with you?
SPEAKER_01: I love the context of this verse because Jesus says this kind of as like an encouragement at the end of instructing his disciples on how to deal with people in the church who get it wrong.
SPEAKER_01: This is what a famous passage on church discipline, right?
SPEAKER_01: When people mess up, this is how that you individually should handle it.
SPEAKER_01: And if you can't fix it, here's how the church should get involved.
SPEAKER_01: And so when Jesus says, where two or three or more are gathered in my name, I'm there with them, he's kind of trying to cheer them up.
SPEAKER_01: He's saying, Look, guys, you guys can figure this out.
SPEAKER_01: You can get it.
SPEAKER_01: When they get it wrong, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01: We can make things right, plus I'm gonna be there with you every step of the way.
SPEAKER_01: And I love the very next verse is Peter comes out and says, okay, yeah, but how many times do we have to forgive them?
SPEAKER_01: Like completely dismissing this encouraging line that Jesus gives.
SPEAKER_01: Look, I'm I'm glad you're gonna be there, but how long does Joe have to be here?
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Like we got to get rid of Joe.
SPEAKER_01: He keeps dropping the ball.
SPEAKER_01: And I love Jesus' response.
SPEAKER_01: He says, Peter, not seven times, but seven times seventy times, as many times as it takes, Peter.
SPEAKER_01: Like, do you have any idea what it is we're trying to do here?
SPEAKER_01: I'm calling you a bunch of imperfect people to love perfectly.
SPEAKER_01: And you don't have the ability to do that.
SPEAKER_01: Which means that you're gonna get it wrong.
SPEAKER_01: And so the only way that this thing that we're trying to build can work is if you learn to forgive.
SPEAKER_01: Because on this side of eternity, her is guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01: But forgiveness is a choice.
SPEAKER_01: And he goes on and he uh offers this parable, which we're not gonna get into all the details today, but but but the point of the parable is to say, look, guys, you've been forgiven a lot.
SPEAKER_01: And if you want to be able to live and operate in that dynamic, you yourselves have to learn to forgive too.
SPEAKER_01: And whatever you think that you're forgiving, trust me, your your debt was substantially more.
SPEAKER_01: Forgiveness is the way of the kingdom.
SPEAKER_01: We will never experience kingdom community unless we learn to forgive.
SPEAKER_01: Here's reason number two.
SPEAKER_01: We're scared.
SPEAKER_01: Does anybody remember being in high school or maybe even at work if you've got a lunchroom at your work?
SPEAKER_01: The feeling of walking into this place with this tray in your hand, this really sad-looking mill, maybe a milk carton, and you're scanning the room wondering where on earth am I going to sit?
SPEAKER_01: That is like the worst feeling ever.
SPEAKER_01: Pair that with a guy who hates new people.
SPEAKER_01: No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_01: But why is that so scary, though?
SPEAKER_01: Like, why is it scary when you enter into a new Some of you might be scared today?
SPEAKER_01: You walked into church today and you saw these people high-fiving and hugging and holding each other's babies and having a great time, and you don't know anybody, and you're wondering, where on earth am I supposed to go?
SPEAKER_01: Well, I think because at some level, even for those of us who are, you know, emotionally mature, confident, like there's this fear of rejection that's natural.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: If I enter into this space and I open up my heart and I open up my life, if they see me for who I am, they might decide that they're not interested.
SPEAKER_01: And you know what hurts a lot more than being lonely?
SPEAKER_01: Being rejected.
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna play it safe, right?
SPEAKER_01: And you know what's interesting is when you go into relationships being dominated by fear and you refuse to kind of put yourself out there, did you know it's actually possible to be kind of in a community but not in the community?
SPEAKER_01: To be to be community taking place around you, but you yourself not be a part.
SPEAKER_01: To be present, but to not be known.
SPEAKER_01: And you can fly under the radar that way for a long time.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you can be a great conversationalist.
SPEAKER_01: You can ask a lot of great questions and never answer them.
SPEAKER_01: You can talk about your past, but always in general terms.
SPEAKER_01: How many of you know how to be funny at just the right moment?
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: It's like I'm gonna drop a joke, but what that means is don't ask me anymore about that.
SPEAKER_01: That's off limits.
SPEAKER_01: We ain't going there.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: You're the first one to help when somebody's struggling, but you're the last one to admit that you are.
SPEAKER_01: And when we try to reap the benefits of community by being around it without ever being willing to do the scary thing, which is to jump in it, what we find is that community without vulnerability is just proximity.
SPEAKER_01: It's completely hollow and has no value.
SPEAKER_01: And so it's not a surprise to me that if that's been your experience so far, trying to find community, maybe even in a church setting, of why you feel like it doesn't have the goods, why it doesn't do the thing that you're hoping it does, because that version of it doesn't offer you anything.
SPEAKER_01: There's no joy in it.
SPEAKER_01: In fact, it just kind of makes you feel lonely in a crowd.
SPEAKER_01: And so we have to reject that way of thinking.
SPEAKER_01: And uh, outside of, you know, just pulling up her big boy and big girl britches and dealing with the discomfort, like what are we supposed to do about it?
SPEAKER_01: Now I wish I could tell you that I had a way to like conquer the fear, or like there's this prayer that you could pray, and then you'd feel really good and kind of run brave heart style into the next small group.
SPEAKER_01: Um, but here's what I can tell you.
SPEAKER_01: This is a promise from scripture.
SPEAKER_01: This is 1 John 4.18.
SPEAKER_01: It says, There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear.
SPEAKER_01: For fear has to do with punishment.
SPEAKER_01: So here's what that means.
SPEAKER_01: When you're feeling afraid, right, the punishment in the context we're talking about would be being rejected because you are what you are.
SPEAKER_01: You were afraid of being punished by a group, being rejected, ostracized.
SPEAKER_01: But what the Bible says is there's no fear in love, and perfect love actually cast out that fear.
SPEAKER_01: Meaning if you've got that fear on the inside, and you don't want to live governed by that fear anymore, the only way to deal with it is to allow the people of God to love you with perfect love and throw it out of there.
SPEAKER_01: What does it mean to love perfectly?
SPEAKER_01: Well, it doesn't mean to get it right all the time, or else we wouldn't have it.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Perfect love is a Christ-like love.
SPEAKER_01: It's a love that wills the good of the other person with no benefit to myself.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: When I do something for you, it's because I love you, not because I'm hoping that you'll do anything for me.
SPEAKER_01: It's just me sh just loving you out of the out of the overflow of the love that I've received from Christ.
SPEAKER_01: Now look, you're gonna put yourself out there and you're gonna go to church circles and you're gonna find yourself in a group or on a team or some other context, and the people of God are gonna get that wrong.
SPEAKER_01: Famously, we get it wrong a lot.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: There's no shortage of likes or shares on Facebook for somebody who wants to share another story of their church hurt.
SPEAKER_01: Plenty of conversation about how the church comes up short.
SPEAKER_01: But can I tell you, in spite of all the noise, my experience is that the people of God are generally good.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Can I tell you as a pastor for this house, and I'll speak for every other house, but I'll speak for this one.
SPEAKER_01: These people are really good.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: When we when we moved here, we felt loved, pulled in, taken care of.
SPEAKER_01: The day we showed up, we had people willing to help unload a moving truck.
SPEAKER_01: I mean, like there's just a lot of layers to the way that people in this place, if you will just open your heart a little bit, they will come in and wrap their arms around you.
SPEAKER_01: And it's not because they want anything from you.
SPEAKER_01: In fact, you find it the opposite.
SPEAKER_01: They kind of tell you to sit down, right?
SPEAKER_01: Well, they're trying to nurture you.
SPEAKER_01: You want to do something naturally bad because that's just what a priest of heart does.
SPEAKER_01: Nah, nah, nah, we're not done loving you.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: And so I can't, I can't make any guarantees that we're not going to get it wrong along the way.
SPEAKER_01: But what I can do is challenge you this morning that if if the reason that you've been sitting on the sideline is because you're worried about getting hurt, it happens.
SPEAKER_01: It's a fallen world.
SPEAKER_01: But if you're tired of living fear, if you'll let the church love you, I think you'll find that that fear has no place in a Christian community where we love and take care of one another.
SPEAKER_01: And if you yourself have been taken in and you now belong, and you have that confidence, can I just tell you that it's now your responsibility to look around and see who's standing in the corners and to pull them in and help alleviate that fear.
SPEAKER_01: You have the power to make that process a lot easier for people.
SPEAKER_01: Here's reason number three.
SPEAKER_01: I warn you, this is the sneakiest on the list.
SPEAKER_01: We're proud.
SPEAKER_01: And here's why it's sneaky.
SPEAKER_01: The proudest people in any room are almost never the ones who are there looking down on everyone else.
SPEAKER_01: They're the ones in the room who are working the hardest to make sure that nobody looks down on them.
SPEAKER_01: Pride isn't just about superiority.
SPEAKER_01: Pride is also about self-protection.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: The proud person is the person who never asks for help, not because they don't need it, but because they feel like asking for it would be losing.
SPEAKER_01: They're the person who serves constantly, gives generously, shows up reliably, but the motivation behind their efforts is to prove something to themselves and to others.
SPEAKER_01: Because every step of the way, they are looking for proof that they belong, that they are worth something to the room and that they add value.
SPEAKER_01: And the thing about pride is that that nobody talks about is that it masquerades a strength and it looks like confidence and it looks like capability to everybody else.
SPEAKER_01: But underneath it, there is a person who has decided that the only safe way to belong to a community is to make themselves indispensable to it.
SPEAKER_01: As long as I'm useful, I deserve to be here.
SPEAKER_01: But can I tell you the beautiful thing about the kingdom of God?
SPEAKER_01: None of us deserve to be here.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Which means that in the kingdom, nobody should walk with a strut and nobody should walk with a limp.
SPEAKER_01: But pride doesn't like that.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Pride wants to earn its place.
SPEAKER_01: And culturally, we might try to dismiss that vice as, you know, actually some sort of hidden virtue.
SPEAKER_01: Well, I don't accept anything from anybody.
SPEAKER_01: That's just the way my daddy raised me.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Kind of laugh it off.
SPEAKER_01: Right, but this is a big deal.
SPEAKER_01: 1 Peter 5, 5 says that God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
SPEAKER_01: Now, for starters, finding yourself on the opposing side of God is not a good place to be.
SPEAKER_01: Just in general, just try to relocate as quickly as possible.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: But secondly, the grace that He gives is only available to those who let their pride down.
SPEAKER_01: And as we already discussed, the grace that God is trying to give us for the ability to flourish in relationships, right, without which we cannot have good relationships, he only gives that to the humble.
SPEAKER_01: So if I am prideful, then how do I deal with my pride?
SPEAKER_01: As someone who has a tendency to get a little prideful from time to time, let me ask that question on behalf of all the prideful people.
SPEAKER_01: This is what Paul says from Philippians chapter 2, verse 3 and 4.
SPEAKER_01: He says, Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves.
SPEAKER_01: Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interest of others.
SPEAKER_01: So here's what he's saying.
SPEAKER_01: That I need to try to my best to separate the things that I'm doing from my selfish motivation for doing them.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: So when I serve, it can't be to be seen by others.
SPEAKER_01: When I give, or I give generously, it can't be a way for me to try to buy influence or gain favor.
SPEAKER_01: When I love people, it can't be a means of manipulation or for my own goals or my own ambitions or for my own sense of self-worth.
SPEAKER_01: And if I can't do that, then I might need to find something else to do until I can.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: To be right the wrong way in some ways is just to be wrong.
SPEAKER_01: And that's not good for you.
SPEAKER_01: Were you saying I should just totally unplug?
SPEAKER_01: Are you saying I shouldn't give?
SPEAKER_01: Are you saying I shouldn't serve?
SPEAKER_01: Are you saying I shouldn't show up to the group because I I got a bad heart?
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying that you should think of a way to do this differently.
SPEAKER_01: I'm thinking, I'm saying whatever whatever itch that you're trying to scratch, you might need to find a way to be obedient in a way that doesn't scratch that itch.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: If it's giving, you might want to hit the anonymous button.
SPEAKER_01: So nobody knows it's you.
SPEAKER_01: If it's serving, you might serve in an area where you're not going to be seen.
SPEAKER_01: You might try receiving from people who you don't think are going to do things to your standards.
SPEAKER_01: But you're going to find a way to suppress the pride in your life, knowing because if you don't get that thing under control, it's going to rob you of the very joy that God is trying to give you.
SPEAKER_01: There's just no place for it.
SPEAKER_01: What I love about this passage that Paul is teaching us is he gives us the example to look to.
SPEAKER_01: Surprise, surprise, it's Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: He says, Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God as something to be grasped.
SPEAKER_01: Now look, none of us in the room are God, but I want you to see the connection that he's making.
SPEAKER_01: He's saying Jesus, he had every advantage available to him.
SPEAKER_01: So let me let me scratch somebody's pride itch in the room for a minute.
SPEAKER_01: You might actually be smarter than everybody else.
SPEAKER_01: You might have more money and more resources than other people.
SPEAKER_01: You might be more talented, able to spend more plates, more, uh this unique ability to have everything under control.
SPEAKER_01: But those are not advantages that you have to be used to advance your own selfish agenda.
SPEAKER_01: Because what we see Christ doing is he takes all of these advantages that he has and he lets them down so that he can empty himself and live as a servant.
SPEAKER_01: And this is what I want you to see.
SPEAKER_01: At the end of Christ's life, after living, he steps out of the throne of heaven and into a manger and loves people who are just get it wrong like 95% of the time.
SPEAKER_01: But at the end of his life, he looks at these people who there could not be a bigger divide between him and them, and he calls them friends.
SPEAKER_01: So if you want to know how to have real meaningful friendships, right, the model is selflessness, service, and just showing up faithfully.
SPEAKER_01: To love people selflessly and in serving them, relationships can be made.
SPEAKER_01: Here's the last reason we're embarrassed.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not talking about you tripped embarrassment.
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about the deep, quiet, settled shame that seems to set in after we've got it wrong, and we look at our life, and we just come to that conclusion that we're completely unlovable because of it.
SPEAKER_01: Last week, when we talked about sin, we talked about shame as one of those natural ramifications, right?
SPEAKER_01: Something that just comes along with the sin.
SPEAKER_01: And what we look at is there's a difference between guilt and shame.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Guilt says that I did something bad, but shame says I am something bad.
unknown: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Guilt, conviction, right?
SPEAKER_01: It's married to the act.
SPEAKER_01: But shame is what happens when we start pointing this at us.
SPEAKER_01: And one of the problems with shame is that we have to listen to the voice of our enemy.
SPEAKER_01: The Bible calls him an accuser in Revelation chapter 12.
SPEAKER_01: And what we see is that his tendency is to take very real things, because we do make mistakes, real failures or real wounds, or real moments, things we wish we could take back and do again, things we wish we had never happened, if we hadn't been at that spot at that time.
SPEAKER_01: And what he'll do is he'll take all of those very real details and he'll issue a false allegation and a verdict.
SPEAKER_01: And what's tricky about that is what he's saying is in some ways true.
SPEAKER_01: It's just the conclusion that he's coming to is wrong.
SPEAKER_01: And the reason it's wrong is because he's not the judge.
SPEAKER_01: And he doesn't get to decide.
SPEAKER_01: But he'll tell us things like we're too much, or we're not enough, or or this version of you is unlovable.
SPEAKER_01: And when we believe that and we let shame sit in that place and we believe what he says about us, and we don't believe what God says about us, this produces two types of fruit in our life.
SPEAKER_01: The first is avoidance.
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever known somebody, or maybe you've been somebody, who has the tendency to have every excuse imaginable why you can't be a part of a community?
SPEAKER_01: How many of you have ever had a loved one that you've invited to church?
SPEAKER_01: And every time you invite them, there's some reason they can't go.
SPEAKER_01: I got a headache.
SPEAKER_01: I'm tired, had a long week, I need to recuperate, I gotta clean the house, I gotta do this, I gotta do this.
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the reasons make a lot of sense, sometimes the reasons are a little shallow, we'll put it that way.
SPEAKER_01: What I realize about people who are living under this heavy cloud of shame is they don't mean anything bad by saying they don't want to be there.
SPEAKER_01: The reason they don't want to be there is because they feel like they don't belong there at all.
SPEAKER_01: In fact, let me let me do a favor for the people who are there because they're probably good people, and I don't want to taint what they've got going on with what I'm bringing.
SPEAKER_01: Because if they saw me the way that I see myself, they wouldn't want anything to do with me.
SPEAKER_01: I don't like being like this, I don't like feeling like this, but maybe the best thing I contribute is keeping this away from that.
SPEAKER_01: And so we isolate.
SPEAKER_01: And like we talked about last week, the greater distance we have between God or the people of God, He only solidifies that shame and robs us of the joy that God wants us to have.
SPEAKER_01: So can I just challenge you before you get frustrated with them next time, for whatever excuse they might give, why don't you validate them?
SPEAKER_01: Right and say, you know what, I think I think they'd love to meet you.
SPEAKER_01: You got a lot to give.
SPEAKER_01: You bring a lot to the table.
SPEAKER_01: You're so much fun to be around.
SPEAKER_01: Nobody's ever around you.
SPEAKER_01: I want to bring you with me.
SPEAKER_01: I think somebody could be blessed by you today.
SPEAKER_01: Bring words of life and reverse that curse that the enemy's speaking over them.
SPEAKER_01: Second thing we do is sometimes we do go to community, but there is a danger jump into community when you've got shame that hasn't been healed yet.
SPEAKER_01: The danger there is not that you're being healed, it's that you start looking to people to give you a healing that they don't have the ability to give you.
SPEAKER_01: And so maybe you felt ashamed, but now you're around people who are saying nice things to you, and they're encouraging you, and they're telling you that God has a plan for your life, and they are speaking to some of the deepest emotional needs that you have, and it feels amazing until they let you down.
SPEAKER_01: And then you wonder if any of it's true.
SPEAKER_01: And there's the enemy ready to tell you again see, I told you, you told you you're too much, I told you you share too much, I told you that nobody would love you if you opened up that much with them, and just begins just to grind you down.
SPEAKER_01: This is how manipulative and codependent relationships happen.
SPEAKER_01: This is what happens when you go to someone expecting them to give you something that they don't have the ability to give.
SPEAKER_01: So I'm not trying to make anybody feel bad about that this morning.
SPEAKER_01: But I want you to know if you if you want to be free of shame, it's not gonna come by being in community.
SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be trusting in what God says about you, which is now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: Yes, the enemy delivered a verdict for your life, but that verdict got nailed to a cross.
SPEAKER_01: And you've been given a new name and a new identity.
SPEAKER_01: You've been washed by the blood.
SPEAKER_01: You're not a sinner anymore.
SPEAKER_01: You're a saint in right standing with God, belonging to a holy and eternal family that's bigger and better than anything that you could have imagined.
SPEAKER_01: You've been given a purpose from the foundation of the world to go and do good works.
SPEAKER_01: You go by a new name now.
SPEAKER_01: Right?
SPEAKER_01: That shame has no place there.
SPEAKER_01: And when we get rid of that shame, we've got this ability to just be loved.
SPEAKER_01: Not because we've earned it, not because we deserve it.
SPEAKER_01: Because Jesus accepted me and he accepted you, and by golly, we're gonna accept one another.
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna do life together.
SPEAKER_01: And we get it wrong, we're gonna forgive.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna puff myself up or puff you up.
SPEAKER_01: Instead, we're just gonna link arms and walk shoulder to shoulder, doing the work of God in the world, seeing his glory lifted high.
SPEAKER_01: I'm not being filled up because I'm advancing my good.
SPEAKER_01: I'm being filled up because I'm a part of something bigger than myself.
SPEAKER_01: One day I'm gonna die, and every single thing that I own will end up in a junkyard.
SPEAKER_01: But I can work together to do something that has eternal impact with you.
SPEAKER_01: And that's not a work I can do by myself.
SPEAKER_01: It takes all of us.
SPEAKER_01: And so we find ourselves in this community that God wants us to have, and we get to decide if it's going to be a blessing or if it's gonna be empty.
SPEAKER_01: So this morning, as we close today, I want to open the altar for four uh these four reasons that we talked about.
SPEAKER_01: Look, you might be dealing with one of them, you might be dealing with all four of them.
SPEAKER_01: But wherever you're at this morning, Christ can heal you.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, He can remove those barriers, He can give you a new start, where you can experience what this thing is all about.
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna tell you if you're sitting in the room this morning and you belong to the community, a community already, and you've got friends and you know that comfort of belonging.
SPEAKER_01: Let's share that.
SPEAKER_01: Because just like you were welcomed in, you now have a responsibility to let others in.
SPEAKER_01: It's like with Jesus, right?
SPEAKER_01: What I've done for you, go and do likewise.
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna pray for us.
SPEAKER_01: And if maybe you need a fresh start this morning, and you clear some stuff out, we'd love to pray with you.
SPEAKER_01: This side of the altar will be open for those who'd like to pray by themselves.
SPEAKER_01: This side of the altar will be for those who uh would like someone to pray with them.
SPEAKER_01: We have communion to my left and right if you'd like to partake of that.
SPEAKER_01: Hey, we remember the presence of God.
SPEAKER_01: But as we said, we're two or three or more gathered in his name.
SPEAKER_01: His presence is there.
SPEAKER_01: If the Lord was standing in the room before you today, what would you ask him for?
SPEAKER_01: Right, you might not be able to see him in flesh and blood, but the reality is nonetheless there.
SPEAKER_01: So if you're hurt, he can make you whole.
SPEAKER_01: Let's leave whole this morning.
SPEAKER_01: Heavenly Father, we thank you for the gift of your people.
SPEAKER_01: Lord, we thank you for your people when they don't feel like a gift.
SPEAKER_01: Lord, I thank you that none of us have been relegated to life alone.
SPEAKER_01: But it's your heart for your people that we wouldn't just be friendly, but that we would be friends.
SPEAKER_01: That there would be death to our relationship, that we would be known and loved.
SPEAKER_01: And so, God, I ask that your Holy Spirit would come and just remove anything in our life that's preventing us from experiencing that.
SPEAKER_01: Help us get out of our own way.
SPEAKER_01: Bring healing where there needs to be healing.
SPEAKER_01: Give courage to those who need courage, bring humility to those who are dealing with pride, and Lord, restore identity and worth to those who have been living in shame.
SPEAKER_01: Lord, we love you.
SPEAKER_01: We just receive your Holy Spirit this morning.
unknown: Amen.
SPEAKER_00: We hope you were encouraged and challenged by today's message.
SPEAKER_00: Again, to learn more about Gateway Franklin Church, find us online at gatewayfranklin.com.
SPEAKER_00: Thanks for joining us today.