Yours or Mine? Don’t Wind Up in “Divorce Court”

#1016: Deb "PicklePongDeb" Harrison calls the middle of the court "Divorce Court" because people bicker over whose shot it should have been when a ball flies past them both. Players should call it: "Mine"..."Me"..."I go"... Or conversely indicate to a partner: "Yours"..."You"... Or if you are lobbed, "Help!" Much better than saying "We should have talked" after you lose the point!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Pickleball Obsession. Pickleball Obsession is the first podcast created just for recreational picklers because the more a rec player knows, the better they'll play. Do you watch pro pickleball on YouTube thinking it will help you, then wonder why your game doesn't look at all like Annalise or Ben John's? Everybody on a pickleball court is obsessed to some degree. So the Pickleball Obsession podcast is for you whether you're a social player, out there just to have fun, or a competitive one trying to sharpen your skills and win more. This show will bring you short, useful advice from a variety of certified pickleball coaches that amateur players at any skill level can put right to use. I'm your host, Tracy Hotner. You might know me as the pet wellness expert on NPR, Sirius, and my own pet podcast network, but here I'm no expert, just another admittedly obsessed player picking the brains of top coaches for advice we can all use. This show is brought to you in partnership with the IPTPA, the International Pickleball Teachers Professional Association, and with the Association of Pickleball Players, the APP Tournaments. Sign up at pickleballobsession.net for the weekly episodes with show notes and embrace the obsession. What a treat to be back with Deb Harris and Pickle Pong Deb. You've seen her on YouTube. She's the best demonstrator. But now we're talking, we're not demonstrating. Because some of the things that come up, Deb, in pickleball aren't just show me how to do it, hit me a hundred balls so I can do it right, which is obviously what needs to be done for muscle memory. But there's other issues like how to communicate with a partner. So there's two kinds of partners. There's your tournament partner who in theory you know and have practiced with, and maybe you've been in other tournaments with. That's one issue. The other is rec play, sometimes a complete stranger. Maybe you kind of remember, is this Joe or is it Don? And you think you played with him before, but basically a stranger. The issue of saying yours or mine about balls, mostly in the middle. What do you think about the fact that most rec players, in my experience, don't communicate enough? They don't say yours or mine. We we get it all wrong during the point, we clash our paddles or the ball sails by, and we say to each other, we should have talked. How do we teach ourselves? How do you teach people to actually identify yours or mine with the word?

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Well, occasionally I'll I'll say communicate on every point.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

I like that. So explain that.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Even if you know it's yours.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Open your mouth. Yes. It's very hard for people to open their mouths. It is.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

You're right.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

So I know it's annoying. It's very annoying when you're it's obviously yours. Right. When you're you're practicing, but to get in in the habit of opening your mouth I like that every point.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

That's a great idea. Even if you know it's yours. Right. No, you know what? That is the the that is the answer I was looking for. Because yes, there are some people on the court that say yours, and you almost feel like stopping the point and going, yeah, duh, it's coming right at me. You aren't even near it. But in fact, particularly, yes particularly in divorce court. Oh, divorce court. Is that what you call the middle of the court? Divorce court. Middle of the court.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Oh my god, I love it. Make your calls.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

And make them early. Quietly, though. Quietly.

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Right, right. Do not have to yell. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Right.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

Mine. I'll go.

unknown 3:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

And whatever terminology that please don't yell because it startles people.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

It does. It does. And then you think, whoa, whoa, really? Yes, exactly. It is starting.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

You know, so so be careful about the tone. Oh. Explain that. Just calm. But but say it easy. Say it early.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Yeah, I love that. Say it easy, say it early. Yeah. When I play with out loud. Yeah, you're right. And and as soon as you identify that it's yours or that you think you've got the best chance at doing it well, then you say, I go. You know, when I play I do that. I do. You do, don't you? I go. I go. I go.

SPEAKER_01 4:27

I go. I go. And and the other person should back off.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

Yes. And and relax and just melt away a little.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yeah. Back off.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

I go. So what happens between two people, it's in the middle, and nobody calls I go or whatever. Now the other person comes in and if if if it's my ball, I see their paddle going flying in front of me. Yes. And it interrupts my go pattern. That's right. Or your go pattern. So so I go if you're playing with a person that you played with, it becomes almost natural. You don't have to say I go, my go.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

You know, you don't feel it because you are already a team.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Right. You you kind of sense when they're going to go and but but with new people, communication, not violently, just very calmly.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

It's a great uh there's a really great point. There's someone who plays at True Where I Play. Um I I don't play with him, he plays with other people. He's too verbal for me and loud, but he goes, Mine. And they're on the other side, and I'm like, Whoa, yes, of course it was yours, you know, go get it. But we don't have to all be announced. But that's what he does. So it's kind of startling. It is. It kind of uh throws you off a little bit. It does, and it takes your attention away from the ball and on to something else entirely.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

Now, I I remember playing with a fellow who um would say mine when it was obviously mine, mine, or no, he would say, you, you, you, you, every ball, and when it was obviously mine, right? And that's annoying as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

So I want to say this point practice and opening up your mouth. So what about the idea that you don't just say I go or yours, you only say it when you believe it should be yours. In other words, not identify for the other person, yours. Maybe it should only be mine or I go or me when you know it's yours, and then the other person has to assume either it's not Deb's or mine, and has to be theirs. I think the saying of you, that's a really good point. Saying you almost puts them on the spot. Or or you you you might say help. Help if oh yes, that's another thing. You might say help when you get lobbed. When someone lobs over.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Or just just help. You know, just a little word. You mean help.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Help meaning I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Well, it might be that you're off balance. Right. You know, you know you're out of position. Yes. You know, so so help means cover my backside. Yes, for sure. Help.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

Yeah. Help. You're either out of you're either out of position, out of balance, or they've drawn you off the court. And in theory, your partner should already know.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

And if you notice at the pro level, they don't communicate a lot, but but they say they do communicate. And I think as mere amateurs, yes, we have to communicate. We have to communicate.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Especially in divorce court. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

In divorce court. In the middle ball.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

I love that divorce court being the middle. When I've played sometimes in tournaments or even rec play with Taylor Cobb, who's one of the coaches on Pickleball Obsession, someone you have coached others with in camps up in Vermont. Um, and he's a lefty. So even though I'm now, because I have two other young men that I play with who are lefties and we stack, so I do get that when there's two two forehands in the middle, that's a different kind of divorce court because whose is it, right? I mean, maybe they're younger and quicker and better.

SPEAKER_01 8:19

The player in front has right of way.

SPEAKER_00 8:21

Oh, I like that. But he says I go. He says I go early, like as he's going to the ball, and it's so great. It's like, oh good. So you're gonna take that one. Whatever comes next, we'll see him.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

And last week we we discussed respect the X. Yes, respect the X. So what is the pattern of the shot? Whose area is it going to?

SPEAKER_00 8:43

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Um, and who has who is a stronger player? So the stronger player just might have right of way over the weaker player. I like that. Just in general.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

So but if you're all equal, you both have to cover everything.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Yeah?

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Yep. But then there are allowances made for the stronger player to take more court.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

That's right. Be bigger on the court. And as you say, be a little ahead. Be a better anticipator, see the ball sooner, expect the ball sooner. Therefore, they're already in that sort of primary position. But he's still saying that. And then please say, you know, with your partner, if you call it, you are never wrong. Oh, that's nice. Explain that. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 9:26

It's our ball.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

We're a team. Nice.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

We're a team.

SPEAKER_00 9:31

I remember you saying that once in in in the three-day pickleball camp I took with you. I forgot that because someone could say, Well, that was my ball. It's like, whoa, really? And Deb would say, It's our ball. We're together on this side of the court.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

And if you chose to take it, go for it. Yes. Go for it. I'd rather you go for it than than, you know, it's not our ball. It's it's not forehand, backhand. Right. Yes. It's not, but but it could be the X pattern. It could be the X pattern.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

But with a lefty, they've got a lot, they they're probably going to hit a a more challenging bowl to the opponents.

SPEAKER_01 10:11

But let's say, let's say the let's say the lefty chooses to take more court. Okay. Then it's particularly important where the lefty goes with his ball that so he doesn't get burned.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Even though he has to have better selection of what he does. Yeah. And he certainly wants he or she wants to have more connections with the ball.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

So they get burned down the line, the lefties, when they get burned, don't they?

SPEAKER_01 10:39

If they don't, if they don't hit a smart shot. So you might take the ball, but what you do with it is another question. Correct. But mine, what are you going to do with it?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Mine, what are you going to do with it? How about this one? How about when you say mine? And then either you don't get there in a timely enough fashion, uh at least as as your partner feels it, or you say mine, and your partner's already going for it. Or the partner says me or I go, but I've already started to hit it. Ugh. Then we're really in a bad thing. That happens. It's happens. So what do we do with that? How bad should we feel about that?

SPEAKER_01 11:16

No, not bad. Okay. Not bad. It's better too than none.

unknown 11:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Better true than none.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

I like that. That's just no go. It's gone. Yeah. And if and and and often when you said about someone's paddle interrupting your shot, sometimes people will say, I go, or they are just going for it. And the other one kind of moves and startles you. And then you both oh, I didn't want to hit you. Yeah, okay. We don't want to hit each other, but you have to just stick with it, right? Be committed to that ball. Yeah. Yeah. And it's fun.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

This is all fun. So it's it's choices, right? Right. And it's communication. And sometimes you're wrong, sometimes you're right. I go and I blow it.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

You go and you blow it. Right. So what at least you can give some grace to your partner.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

And to yourself. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you say I go, and then you go, oh. All people will say, I've got it. That's another thing. They'll say, I've got it. And as soon as they've dunked it in the net, they say, I didn't have it. And it's sort of funny because they they really did have it. Yeah, they did it.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Just didn't execute what they wanted to do with it. They kind of had it. Right. They didn't do what they wanted to do with it. It's still their wall.

SPEAKER_00 12:31

Because they called it and it was on their paddle. Yeah, and I think that's one of the things is a little more grace towards ourselves and each other. Because when you do say mine or I go or I've got it, it's kind of embarrassing when you blow it because you've actually publicly announced you're going to do it. Right? So it kind of puts you on the spot.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

Yeah, but but so it's better than it's it's better. You it's fun. I'll go. Um, I had one one partner once that uh said me really loud and it startled me. I said, that that that's grating.

unknown 13:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

I mean you you can you could communicate uh very quietly. Yeah. Anna. You know, you can just say it very quietly.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:22

You know. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

Just say me.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

It calms you down a little bit too. It calm does the the voice calms you down. So the way you say it is, you know, if it's too loud, it's grating, you know. And also, yours implies hit the ball hard.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Yes, you know what? That's another one that we could discuss in another episode, or maybe just wrap up this one by saying, when someone says, I'm clearly going for the ball, it's clearly should be mine. And they say, You've got it. I'm like, whoa. There's something about like, whoa, okay, I was already getting it, and now you've told me I've got it and I've got to get it. And is that sort of along those lines?

SPEAKER_01 14:00

Yeah, it's uh something like uh you've clearly got it. It's clearly a time to hit a winner, and they yell, Go!

SPEAKER_00 14:08

Yes, yes, thank you. Exactly. You think, oh no, I was just gonna do it so well, and now you've scared me out of my sneakers. That scares. Yeah. Well, this is great, Deb. This is really wonderful. You know, it's small stuff, and it makes such a difference, not only in terms of the outcome of each point or each game, but in the outcome of what your experience is.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Um, I want to also mention body language and all of that stuff that you you you need with when you're playing with your partner, it's the verbal tone, the connection and the uh the the the the way you look. Uh tap paddles occasionally, smile a lot. Yes, you know, you'll get the next one, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Um be careful of being um too uh contrascending.

SPEAKER_00 14:56

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Contrascending. In other words, talking so much that it becomes annoying.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Yeah. And then they don't hear the thing they need to hear, which is I go.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Yeah. There's so much other matters.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Keep it limited and don't offer instruction. Right. Unless it's paid for or asked.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

No, no, this is a very different issue.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

This is really you know, so so the communication doesn't mean oh, you missed the ball.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

This is why you missed it. No, it's just I go, me, or mine. Deb, thank you so much. We'll be back soon with more of Deb Harrison, Pickle Pong Deb, the best. Thank you, Deb. Bye. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm proud of our partnership with the APP, the Association of Pickleball Players, which provides world-class pickleball competitions for players of all ages and skill levels, professionals, amateurs, and recreational. I'm also grateful for our partnership with the IPTPA, which is the world leader in developing standards and certifying coaches across the world in dozens of countries and on every continent except Antarctica. I hope this show will get you up to the kitchen faster, dink with a purpose, and help you win paddle battles. Please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform and sign up at pickleballobsession.net to get the podcast and the show notes by email every week. Embrace the obsession.