Tune Out the Noise, Zone in on the Shoes

#1020: Coach Mindy Yoder talks about how to cope if you get distracted by other people on both sides of the court and how to quiet your own brain if you're bugged by a partner or opponents with a different skill level, physical ability or personality. She suggests focusing on an opponents' shoes rather than on their (or your own partner's) facial expression or distracting behaviors so you can interact positively with a partner by being self-aware and kind towards yourself and others. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Pickleball Obsession. Pickleball Obsession is the first podcast created just for recreational picklers because the more a rec player knows, the better they'll play. Do you watch pro pickleball on YouTube thinking it will help you, then wonder why your game doesn't look at all like Annalise or Ben John's? Everybody on a pickleball court is obsessed to some degree. So the Pickleball Obsession podcast is for you whether you're a social player, out there just to have fun, or a competitive one trying to sharpen your skills and win more. This show will bring you short, useful advice from a variety of certified pickleball coaches that amateur players at any skill level can put right to use. I'm your host, Tracy Hotschner. You might know me as the pet wellness expert on NPR, Sirius, and my own pet podcast network, but here I'm no expert, just another admittedly obsessed player picking the brains of top coaches for advice we can all use. This show is brought to you in partnership with the IPTPA, the International Pickleball Teachers Professional Association, and with the Association of Pickleball Players, the APP Tournaments. Sign up at pickleballobsession.net for the weekly episodes with show notes and embrace the obsession. It is so great to be back with Mindy Yoder. Mindy, I sometimes think that as a coach you might like to have like the Freudian psychoanalyst couch on the court. Everyone come lie down. Mindy's gonna help you get through your mental problems. I certainly, when I've trained with you, thought, oh Mindy, could you just like sit on my shoulder for the rest of my life when I'm playing pickleball? Because you say such kind, nice, helpful, supportive, encouraging things. One of the things that I think other people may be affected by, but maybe not as much as I am, which has made me think I'm on some kind of spectrum which has not yet been identified, which is that I am so concerned, preoccupied, noticing particularly what my partner is or isn't doing, as well as people on the other side. Oh, and by the way, the woman on the court two over whose shoelaces are untied, I'm not making this up as a joke. I want to say, can you guys hold on for a minute? I'm gonna go over there and tell her her shoelaces are untied. I don't want her to trip. I don't know her from Adam. Okay, so we're talking extreme issues. But the one that you've helped me with is the idea of me saying, Mindy, what do I do? I want to have a partner who won't come up behind the return of serve. What do we do about our feelings about someone we're playing with? Either someone we know well that maybe we're even in a tournament with, or often in rec play, total strangers who are playing wrong, whatever we mean by wrong, air quotes, but they're doing what they do, how they do it, the best they can. How do we not think about them and certainly try not to say anything?

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Yes. Well, you bring up two very different circumstances. One is fun rec play, one is competitive tournament play.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

And I would say maybe some of the choices of things I would um say or do will be different in those scenarios. If it's fun rec play, um, or you know, you it's a stranger on the court to you. Um, couple of things that I recommend to start off well with a partner. I always ask my partner three things before we play together. The first thing is, um, what's your pickleball superpower? Um, it leans into sweet something positive. What do they like? They look at me like, what? I don't have any superpowers. I'm like, no, what do you like on the court? What's your favorite? How do you win points?

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

You know, so that that's the first question. The second question I ask them is how are we gonna cover the middle of our court? Let's agree. And um, it's a it's a point of contention with people. There's a lot of different theories out there, right? Um and there's probably some are right in all circumstances, but somehow we have to agree, or we're gonna hate our lives for the next 11 points. Um so and so I will ask them that question. And then the third question I ask them is um when when there's when you make a mistake on the court, how do you want me to support you? And um, because we're both gonna make mistakes. And I can tell you what supports me, but I want to know what works for you. Some people like to paddle tap, some people want a cheerleader, like let's go, we got the next one. Um, some people want silence, they don't want that, they want to they want to deal with it themselves, and so I want to be a supportive, kind person. And so so those three questions help us to have some kind of a little bit of positive regard as we're starting the game together.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Um they're great. I mean, they're so great. I'm I think I'm gonna make them a little three by five cards to remind myself. And if anyone's curious, once they started listening to Pickleball Obsession, they'll say, That Mindy Yoder, man, what were those ideas? I say, here's a card.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Yeah, so so those are things I share with other players. I um so that's for somebody you don't know. Um, and or and we encounter those people in open play, rec play all the time for all the rec play that goes on for most of us. Um, so you know, I'm suggesting those items to start out with. Then I try to remind myself in the games, I am enough of a hot mess to deal with. You know, I I'm gonna keep busy dealing with my own messiness. So, meaning, let me work on my strategies, my things that I've prioritized for me. You know, we've talked about this as you're working on your game. I pick one or two things I'm focused on, and I have those priorities. And you know, Brene Brown says, she's an author, says if you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities. I like that. You need to hone in on your own things. So that's gonna keep me busy and hopefully focused on what my intentions are and not worrying about people around me. Now, uh, what do you do for that player that doesn't come in? It's a very real issue. What do you do for that player who never has their paddle up? Yes, and are or who hits pop-ups and is consistently getting you killed. Yeah. Well, and you're new news flash, we're not gonna change them in that game.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:32

We're not, we're not.

SPEAKER_01 6:33

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

And we're not their coach.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

So, you know, those we want to be the coach. Uh, my suggestion is, you know, I only give feedback to people if they've requested it from you. Sometimes people are like, if you see anything in my game, please say it to me.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

And um Can I just say, Mindy, that a couple of women have said that to me, and I say to them, you don't want to say that to me. Do not say that to me because I could say a whole lot of stuff, and I've been told I'm not supposed to. So when people say that to me, I'm like, no, don't say that. You'll unleash a torrent of words.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Yeah. So, you know, and if someone does say that to you, you it can be distracting to your game. You're playing a game, you're not coaching someone else. And so, even for me as a coach, people will say that to me all the time on the court. And my thing to them is, you know, after our game is finished, how about this? I'll tell you one or two things that I noticed that were really great in your game, and one or two things that I think you can maybe work on. How's that? And then it it sets up the bar for we're not gonna do coaching during the during the points. Right. Um, we're not I'm not gonna be worrying about them. They're not gonna be worrying about me. Um, we're gonna be playing our games and having a good time.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

So you become like you become like the dermatologist at the dinner party? The dermatologist at any dinner party, hey duck, can I just show you this one little thing on my arm or no? Let me show it to you on my belly. It's like, no, I'm here to have dinner or have a cocktail. I really am not here to give you free advice because I just want to be a person, like a coach or a much better player than you, let's say. They just want to have fun and play their game. They really don't want to be asked to put on their professional hat or their uh I know more than you hat, because other than the Mindies of the world, we rec players don't know more than each other. The best we can do is deal with our own hot mess. We see what might be improvable in the other person's game or is wrong in their game. But we don't even know wh how they wound up making the pop-up. So even it not that you ever say to someone, don't pop it up. I mean that's a really that's a ridiculous thing to say. That's all they could do with the ball that came at them, given their skill set. But we don't even know what made them pop it up, which is why I beg people to take clinics and take lessons. Because until you find out, was it your knees, was it your readiness, was it how far your paddle was from your body, was it your paddle face? Was it your wrists that gave who you know? There's a lot of things that can make a pop-up. It's like for many of us, the first few years, one of our intentions is keep the ball low, don't pop it up. You know, and then and then there's variations on that that come about with time. But I think that your point is really well taken that we're really not there to coach each other, and it really distracts us from playing our own game. Even if you do it thinking you're being supportive. Oh, it'd be really good if you came up behind your serve. Don't don't get me wrong, I still say it. I mean, it's I mostly play with guys because I mostly play in open play, and in open rec play at an advanced level, I've tried a couple of times to play with another woman who's really good. It doesn't work. The guys are stronger. I mean, there's a reason it's called mixed doubles, and women's doubles is something else, even at your level, at a really high level. So uh, you know, it's it's a curiosity that you want to say, if it's if I'm playing with someone really good, just the other night, last night, I played with Vincent, a a guy I'd never played with before, in his low twenties, a a a a four plus really wonderful player. And I at one of the points he didn't come up behind his return of serve. So now I didn't I if I knew he wasn't going to, uh but he really just forgot to or something, I would c I would cover more of the middle, I'd get big in the middle. So I have said to guys, if you're not gonna come up behind, let me know and I'll get big in the middle. And they usually say, Oh, I just got lazy. I said, Okay, don't. But you know, people know I'm a bossy bitch, so okay, don't is said with a smile. I mean, they're really good players to begin with. Do you think it's okay to make comments to people you know but that aren't your constant partner, but are good natured, good players, or is that out of line?

SPEAKER_00 11:02

I mean, you you know read the room, right? Have you know, read the room, I guess, with who who's on the court with you, who they are, um, what relationship do you have with them? Of course, we all chide each other. I think the fun, the fun of jabbing each other at pickleball and you know, telling thing, telling each other obvious things is you know it's part of why we return to the court day after day after day is because we enjoy the camaraderie. Yeah. So it that's one thing. Um, but you know, distracting yourself with what's going on everywhere um can be problematic. And in even from the other side of the court, uh people who are on the other side. Um, sometimes I've had to tell myself, look at their shoes, play the shoes rather than the face. Um, because sometimes there's that person that's just annoying. They they make facial, they know how to press your buttons, they make facial expressions, or they're chattery. For me, it's people who are chat, chat, chatting on the court, uh, making commentary about every single play, and it's annoying. And so I, in order for me to block them, I have to stop looking at the face and start looking at the shoes. Oh, so it's that's that's a self, that's a self, um, that's a self-made strategy for helping me to focus. But I encourage people, you know, again, know yourself. I've said that before, I think, but what has helped you to stay focused in other areas of your life? Maybe you just need to take your medication, Tracy.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

They haven't come up with one that will work for me, Mindy. They are working on scientists around the world. This is bad. A lot of research has been cut at universities. And I was hoping for a pill that would make me mellow yellow. Hey, how's it going? That's fine, it all doesn't matter. We're all good, it's all good. Yeah, that's not gonna happen. But I do love the shoes idea because, oh yeah, the other day playing against um playing with a young man. I seem to always play with young men. I'm just so lucky that they're willing to play with me against two other young men, immature ones, who were one guy was drilling the ball at me. I don't mean a banger, I mean a driller, like using it like a weapon. And I can block it. I mean, I've been playing against guys for a long time. I don't care how hard they hit it, I can block it. But he was then taunting and and when and when he made a sh a a good shot, he went, you-hoo! Like, excuse me? I was like, whoa. So it really bugged me, and my partner said to me, He's just trying to rattle your cage. I said, he's really good at it. Wow, he's a professional. But if I thought to just look at his shoes and not notice all that behavior, there's a few women at Trouv. They play fabulous music the whole time. Well, fabulous, it's whatever it is, it's loud and it's very music-y. It's either from the sixties or the seventies or the you know, yesterday. And some of the women, uh I haven't seen the guys do it, they dance as they're changing uh, you know, side from ad to do score or when they're receiving a serve, I'm thinking, oh my god, this is not a Zumba class. But it works for them. It's obviously takes care of their energy or makes them happy. And it I feel like just could you keep your feet on the ground and r just watch the ball? It's none of my business. They're my opposition. But those of us that see too much, well, horses, you know, when they run horses, some of them have to wear blinders. And I'm thinking I could wear like a paper bag and just have little eye holes cut out so I couldn't see all the stuff around me, maybe not hear it as much. What do you think? We could come up with something, a great pickleball, it would be an item you could sell. Like we have paddle erasers, we could have brain erasers that just shut out all those stimuli. So you're just focused on the pickleball. Mindy, it is such a pleasure to be with you. I think that your practical ideas are so valuable. And it does make me feel better medication-wise, or lack of same, that you have some of these same issues, that people can get your goat, can irritate you, they stop in between every point and talk. Um or they or they trash talking I love. Trash talking is hilarious. Either, you know, before the point, during the point, after the point, I don't care. But some it's funny the sort of things that can get under your skin, and I think I don't think most people are even doing it on purpose. I think they're just dealing with their own emotions and their own energy and just try to cope. That's their coping mechanism. So it kind of goes back to an earlier episode we did about be kinder to yourself, be kind to the other people too.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

They're doing the best they can, and they're ha there to have a good time too. So don't ruin your own good time by being over um over aware of other people's stuff. Deal with your own hot mess. That is great advice. That's very good. Gets right to the point of it. Mindy Yoder, I can't wait to have you come back and discuss many other issues. Most of the problems that happen between our ears do need to be called out. And we need help with them. Because everyone thinks the issues between your arm, your hand, the paddle, the ball, your f it is, but between your ears is a really important area too. Thank you, Mindy Yoder. Thanks for all the good you do for so many people on the pickleball court. Thanks, trace.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

Thanks for having me, Tracy.

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed it. I'm proud of our partnership with the APP, the Association of Pickleball Players, which provides world-class pickleball competitions for players of all ages and skill levels, professionals, amateurs, and recreational. I'm also grateful for our partnership with the IPTPA, which is the world leader in developing standards and certifying coaches across the world in dozens of countries and on every continent except Antarctica. I hope this show will get you up to the kitchen faster, dink with a purpose, and help you win paddle battles. Please subscribe on your favorite streaming platform and sign up at Pickleballobsession.net to get the podcast and the show notes by email every week. Embrace the Obsession.