#6 - Handies are SO BACK (Alaska)

First of all - this episode is in NO WAY Nana approved. Truly, if we're: related, have a a professional relationship, or you're prone to saying "TMI" - don't listen to this. This is ...explicit.

As I'm sitting at LAX on a 7 hour layover, we're unpacking the first 2 weeks of a 5 week trip, in the spring of 2026.

Recorded on April 29, 2026 - we talk about...meeting JVN at LAX, my experience performing in the Alaska B4UDie Comedy Festival, housesitting two pups in Anchorage, and unpacking why hand stuff is SO BACK (featuring a throwback to my high school stats - yikes).

Also, there's a section of there where I'm talking FERAL - it's been two weeks, and I would like to publicly rescind that.

Enjoy <3

xx Emmi

Thank you for listening!

Website: PotatoComedy.com

IG:  PotatoWithMakeup

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Okay. Holy shit. I have so much to tell you. So much to tell you. Okay. First of all, I'm sitting in LAX this is like a seven hour layover. And um I was putzing around after getting off the plane. And I mean I sat in the bathroom for like probably tw I mean at least twenty minutes, maybe more. And um I really I'm really also like I was I was trying to be like inconspicuous and like go into a corner, but like it's an airport, you know, like there's gonna be people. Um I hope that my sound will the sound will end up coming through. Okay. I just feel like I have to whisper. Okay, so yeah, I ended up sitting in the bathroom for like 20 minutes because I just like needed a minute and I was just scrolling on my phone and we landed at one. There was one earlier flight to Denver and it took off at 2.30. I keep telling myself that I was not gonna make it to make myself feel better because it was either that or like it was either try to get on that flight or do this seven-hour layover that I'm now doing, which is fine. Um, but you always I am so even when I'm procrastinating, even when I'm putting around, I am always like you know, I mean there's a point where you gotta get moving, but I'm always like, I'm doing this for a reason, I'm being slow for a reason. And um and in line at the delta in the Delta priority line, I met Jonathan Van Ness. So I was like, oh my god, I was like, I mean, maybe I could have made that 230 flight, but I wouldn't have met Jonathan, which was so much cooler than just making an earlier flight. So much cooler. Um, I immediately saw him. It was there were there were like four of us in line, there's like no one there, and um he's very tall. He's very tall, he's a beautiful man. And I saw him and I was like, Okay, I'm being so cool right now. I'm not asking for a picture, I'm not screaming, I'm not freaking out. I just was like he and it was so funny because his friend or his partner, whoever he was with, um, had to like take things out of their bag because it was very heavy, and he like looks at me and he's like rolling his eyes, and I was like, Yeah, I get it, like I'm gonna have to do the same thing, and I was like, Oh my god, so relatable, we're basically the same. And um, and then I and then Jonathan and I like made eye contact and I mouthed, like, I love you. I can't remember. I think I was just like, By the way, I love you and you're very cool. And he was like, Oh my god, thank you, and um, and then did their thing at the counter and then like said goodbye as they were leaving, and then saw them again in the TSA line, and then I saw somebody else that I I don't know their name, but absolutely is another per person. I don't know, obviously they're a person, but I don't know who they were. Um and it it's like so weird to see someone that you're like, no, I know, I know that you're someone, but you can't go up to them and be like, Hey, um, who are you? Like, who do you know here? That would be weird. So can't do that. Um this is not the point. Something when I sat down to record this, something tragic happened. I realized that I was getting super hungry. I was so full and not hungry before this. Um, so I did just like shove down my airplane banana nut muffin because I'm like all set up here. Do you wanna see the do you wanna see the situation? Um okay, I'll show it to you.

unknown 4:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Oh my god. Well, it's gonna disconnect. Watch it disconnect. Okay, there's like all of my this is terrible camera work. Alright, that was so stupid. Alright, I thought that would be a lot cooler than it was. That was a jam.

unknown 4:20

Okay. Get back up there. Get back up there. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Anyway. So so I'm at LAX. I have a seven-hour layover. I only have a couple more hours left. What time is it? My I start boarding at like 7 30 and it's 4 30. So I have like three more hours, which is nothing. Which this episode might take up that amount of time. No. Actually, what I have decided to do is split this up into three episodes. So um, this is gonna be a part one, two, and three, so that we can split it up because of attention and time, and I'm sure you would appreciate that. Um, because otherwise it's gonna be very long. Um, I'm so sorry for how this is about this is about to get this is about to get inappropriate. I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry. You're not in it, so that's good. Okay. Um, so today I'm coming, getting back from a five-week trip. Um, so I went from Denver to Alaska and then Alaska to LA for like 24 hours, a little over 24 hours, um, and then to Fiji for three days, and then Australia for two weeks. So and today alone, I'm in country number three, albeit have been in three countries and five cities. Um, we are on our I'm timing how long I will be traveling. We are an hour 24 of traveling right now. Um, so today alone I went from my friend Richard's house in like central coast of Australia, which is like an hour and a half north of Sydney, um, trained down to Sydney, and then plane Sydney to Nandy, Fiji, and then Nandy to LA, and then Layover LA to Denver. Um, okay. My current status, my body is so sore. My body is so so so so sore. I hiked so much. I've hiked so much over the last five weeks. My the last three days have I've gone on hikes the last three days. Yesterday, we also went bouldering. So yesterday we went on a hike, or whatever day it is, I don't know. I'm doing April 29th twice. So on the 28th, we um Rich O and I hiked, and then we also went bouldering. My forearms have never been so sore in my entire life. I as I try to like move my suitcase, which is 61 pounds, my suitcase is 61 pounds, as I've been trying to move it, it oh my god, I feel like my arms are gonna give out. Um, I feel like my body needs to be put through two giant rolling pins and just like rolled out for like 10 hours in a row. And then I want like a tiny, a tiny but strong woman to dig her elbows into my muscles, into the deep, deep recesses of my muscles, and just like and then walk on my back, snap me in half, put me back together, and then put me in a cryo chamber for like a month, and then I'd probably be fine. So that's how I feel right now. Um, I have lived many lives in the last five weeks. Um, four weeks ago, we had a stacked roster. The roster has imploded. The roster. The roster has absolutely imploded. Which happened anytime. I mean, this has happened since high school. Anytime I have a a stacked roster, I learn to appreciate it because it's not gonna last more than more than three weeks, maybe four tops. Um, it is not gonna last. So that's what happens. Um, I've made so many new friends in that time, which has been amazing, and I have reunited with so many of my international friends. Um, a handful of them I have not seen for over a decade. So that was incredible. I'm so grateful. This whole yeah, I'm I'm so grateful for um for that to be. I went back to Australia for my friend's wedding, um, and that was where I saw a bunch of people that that I hadn't re seen in person. Um, a handful of people I like just didn't really cat keep in touch with because we were like associated when we were at uni, but we weren't like they weren't like in my my close friends group kind of thing. Um so it was really nice to catch up with them as adults and kind of like reignite that friendship, which is fun. Um also I as as if we're reviewing stats, I've given approximately 12 hand jobs. Um hopefully you guys heard that. I'm not trying to say that very loud. All to the same person. And let me tell you, hand stuff is back. Hand stuff is so back. I yeah, okay, so we'll we'll get back to that. That's gonna be a big that's a big part of part one. Um I went on a hike in Fiji and my friend almost died. That was insane. That was a close call. Um my silly, my silly little Australian rom com played out, came to a screeching halt 15 hours in. Yeah, I have so much to fill you in on. Um that that rom com was so anticlimactic. Not much of a rom-com. Um, okay, yeah, so much to fill you in on, so much that I'm splitting this up into three parts. So, welcome back to stories I wouldn't tell my nana. Let's get into it. And thankfully for all of us, I do have notes. I have not um I have not done my notes for Australia yet. I've pretty much just done a deep dive on my notes in Alaska and then a little bit in Fiji. Um and and we got thoughts. We got some thoughts. Um, so if if I need to, you know, I mean I'm splitting this up into parts, so if I need to stop and jot some notes down so I don't ramble on forever, that's fine. Um, okay, let's get into Alaska. So I got into this year's Alaska Before You Die Comedy Festival, which is based in Anchorage, and I found out that I got in when I was still at the Vermont Comedy Festival in December. So that was so, so, so, so, so, so fun. I was going to the bathroom, like in between performances, and I checked my email and got the email that I got in. So I was thrilled. Um, and it finally arrived. It was, I was so insanely excited for this festival, and it did not disappoint. It was such a great hang. And that was really that was really the heart of it. Like, I did not interact with one asshole. I did not interact with one person that I was like, ugh, they're killing the vibe. I wish they weren't here. Um, everyone was cool. Everyone was cool. I absolutely came out of there with friends that I will have for a really long time. Um, and some people that I definitely want to work with moving forward. So, and some people that I already there was somebody there, a couple people, we already have plans to work together. Um, so that's amazing. So this was organized. I'm gonna mess up her last name. Um this was organized by Cass, and I'm gonna I wanna grab her last name so I can properly give her a shout. Um my god, I'm not gonna be able to pronounce it. Okay. Cass Coachendorfer. Is that correct? I think that's right. Um and so Cass up in Alaska. And she is amazing. Um so okay, I'm gonna also Okay, I'm gonna tag my phone in here in a second because I met a bunch of cool people and I want to make sure that I remember all of the people that I met. Um I had a great experience with Cass. This was a 10-day festival. It had a ton of shows and activities every single day. There were every single day, there were one if not multiple shows, usually multiple, and things for us to do. So there were um there was like the welcome party, there was a farewell brunch, there was a tour of like a boat tour of Turnigan Arm. I might be mispronouncing that. Um, I did not end up going on that one. Um, but there was like a wildlife refuge day where we took like a um we took a bus, a bunch of us took a bus out and did a tour of this wildlife refuge, and really it was just like a cool, like obviously it's really cool to see the animals. I had actually been there before when I came to Alaska the first time. Um so it was really cool to to see the animals. Um, but like most of it it was just a cool hang to to chat with everyone, see everyone. Um on the last day of the festival, the last event that they had was a ranch wrestling event. It was so funny. It was so it also I could not get too close, and also I couldn't think about it too much because I would like gag. I like kept gagging. It was I love ranch so much. I could not ranch wrestle, that would have ruined, that would have ruined ranch for me. The ref threw up, which is so funny. The ref, like, we didn't see it, but we were told about it later, or like I didn't see it, but he like had to dip out, he threw up on the floor, and then he came back. Um, and they basically had partnered up with like a local wrestling organization that's like a legit wrestling organization, and they put on this whole like kind of WWE show for us. There was an announcer. Um it was so funny. It was so funny to see. I mean, people got the the people in the front were wearing ponchos, people were getting hit with ranch. Um they had this little tub with a bunch of ranch in. I mean, this there's this one, I have a video of it. This one guy got absolutely slammed to the ground, and you just hear his back like smack against this pool, and ranch goes everywhere. It was I was we were laughing so hard. This it was amazing. Um okay, so I ended up when I first got put on the festival, they put me on three shows. Um, but I ended up performing six times. So on the first night and the last night, it was an open mic. So that added two extra shows. Um, which it was an open mic, but like with a bunch of like with an audience, like with a pretty solid audience, um, and like a really good introduction for all of us. So so loved that. And then there was another show that had an open spot that I got put on. Um, so went in thinking I was just gonna perform three times, ended up performing six, and then because I um I'll circle back to this in a sec, but because I so I stayed longer, so I was able to for the first four nights that I was there, I stayed in an Airbnb, but the rest of it I did like a 12-night um house sit. So I ended up finding a house sit there that was an incredible house sit for these two dogs that are just like they were just, I mean, truly the best dogs. I had the best time with them, and I that was like a 12-day house sit. So um I ended up staying after the festival. So I got to see people a little bit more, and then they had an open spot on one of their Friday shows in Wasilla, and they put me on as the as one of the openers um for um Kirk McHenry, who I wasn't familiar with before. Dude, so funny. I kept thinking I need to send it to my dad actually because I kept thinking like, oh, I think my dad would really like this. Um it was he is so funny. I was he's like a just a good old like I want to say he's in his 50s, um, and just like that, just like that generation of humor is very funny. I don't know. He just he did a phenomenal job. Um, and I was like, okay, I'm a fan for life, like he's great. So I was cackling in the back um after my set. It was so fun. Also, one of my favorite ever sets that I've done, about 10 minutes. Um, one of my favorite ever sets that I've done, I always set up my tripod and click record myself before I go up on stage. But um one of the the woman who was hosting was like, oh, like get one of the guys to do it. So I grabbed one of the guys, Conrad. I grabbed one of the guys. Never trust a man. I grabbed one of the guys, and I was like, hey, before I go on, I was like, oh, this is like I set it all up, and I was like, before I go on, can you, you know, click? Because I'm you know, I'm trying to delegate, I'm trying to like, you know, release some control, delegate some things. Um I get up on stage, I see no one near my phone, I don't see Conrad, I see no one near my phone, and I was just like, please, dear God. I hope somebody clicked record. One of my favorite all-time sets, fun crowd. It was a very fun crowd. Um, and there was some crowd engagement that I did really well with, and um, it was one of those sets where I was like, oh, I absolutely would be posting this, and this would probably be a set that I would submit to festivals and bookers. And um got back to my phone. Nope. Conrad was not even in the room, he was not even in the room when I went on, and I was like, and I just was like, yeah, I just I was like, this is why I can't ask people to do things because they don't they mess up, and it would have just been so easy for me to do it, but I was encouraged to delegate and release and like give it to the people that were like working the uh put it, you know, helping work the event. Um did not record one did not get one minute of recording of that. So that was so sad. I would like to sit here and say that I'm over it. Unfortunately, I am not over it. I I am not over it. I really don't. I mean, I have I have forgiven Conrad. I am over it from that sense, like you know I was just about to say I won't hold a grudge. That's not true. Like as soon as I see him again, I'm gonna be like I will never forget. Um it just it just was so silly because I just could have done it and I was encouraged not to, and I just I just could have done it, you know. It's just like I just could have clicked play, um, or clicked record. I'm just it's fine. But when those things happen, it's like oh my god. Anyway, okay. So Cass did a phenomenal job at at organizing the festival. Um, and then Ben and Ida also I know were involved. Okay, so Ben Peterson, he he was at every show. He I I want to say producer, like I don't know, he very important. He's giving a vibe very important, knows what he's doing. Everyone had very nice things to say about him. Didn't get to chat with him a ton. Um, but I know that he like had a lot to do with the festival and was absolutely crushing it. And then Ida, Ida Taylor, um, I think she was doing all the like like videography, um, and she I'm sure she was doing a bunch of other things as well. Um so to my understanding, those are the primary three organizers, and they crushed, they really did because this is like logistically a 10 day festival. Where you have multiple shows every day and you have activities for all the performers and you're like rallying the troops and this was it wasn't just at one venue, it was primarily at Coots, so Chillicoots, Chil Chillicoot, Chillicoot Charlie's, which is one of the funniest dive bars. It's a huge I when I think of dive bar, I think of a very small place. This place was ginormous, it was huge, it had multiple different themed rooms. Um they have the largest collection of Russian and USSR uh uh items, uh metals, everything, everything. Like they have the largest collection of Russian and USSR uh items in if it's not the world, it's a hundred percent in America for sure, but it might be in the world. Um it was it was actually wild to see how much stuff that they had from the Soviet Union. Um so random, very random, and also insured for like I mean, I I have a I have it somewhere how much it was insured for, but it was insured for like ten million dollars, something like that. I mean, legit, like a very insane um uh an insane collection. It was so sick. Um okay, land the plane. All right, anyway. So a lot of it was at Coots, but a lot, but there were shows in multiple different cities all over. Um so just I mean, just like really impressive for just like a grassroots organized comedy festival. Um, I thought they did a really good job. My um not that anyone's asking, but my only piece of feedback, my only piece of feedback was I wish that the set times were a bit longer. So all of the set times were five to six minutes. Um and you know, I'm doing like when you're going to like an open mic, you're typically doing five minutes. Like they it it could be three, it could be two or three if there's one that's like really short and they're trying to get a bunch of people in. Um, but I'm typically doing five minutes at like an open mic. So I was like for a festival, I would have rather been on less shows and had longer time on that shows. Like I'm looking for like at least a 10-minute set. Um would be great if I was able to get a 15 or 20, like that would be cool. Um so, but I you know, I think the idea was that they wanted more comedians involved. Um, and because of that, they're just gonna get like a smaller amount of stage time, a shorter amount of stage time. Um, so that is one way, and I respect it, and I very much appreciate being involved in any capacity. I w I just I was like going into it going like I was going into it prepping 10 minute sets, and then I was just like, damn, like it just I because I tell stories. If you've seen me perform, you know that a lot of times I'll tell stories. And um and so it just like you're there are just certain there are just certain jokes that I can't add in there or like don't hit the same if I don't have enough time if I don't have the time. Um so at an event like that I am looking for a little bit more time. Um but that's but it is what it is. Like the the world, I mean it's fine. The world continues to p to spin. Um and I'm still learning, I'm still learning all of this. Um so yeah, that was really that was really it. Um there wasn't I could be wrong, I would say there wasn't any like industry there per se, besides like obviously there are people there locally that do bookings like throughout Alaska. Um, but I would say there wasn't like industry there per se, but the networking was amazing because it was just like such a good hang. The networking was amazing. There were people from New York City, LA, New Mexico, Ohio, Colorado, obviously Alaska. Um, there were people from all over, and um and you know, and then at that point you're you're probably not that many degrees of separation away from um, you know, the next person that would be helpful to meet. So um yeah, that was I mean, that was so sick. I absolutely would go back and do that again. I had such a great time, it was a phenomenal group of people. Um and yeah, people were all over the US, mostly on the west half of the US, but really all over. Um, and I have to say, okay, I have to, I have to give a shout to the people that I met, the awesome, awesome, awesome people that I met. Okay. Rachel Kang. I love her, she's in LA. Um, we connected in the Facebook group first, and then I picked her up, and her and I went, drove out. Um, like the first time we met, I picked her up at like whatever nighttime, 10 p.m. I don't know. And um we drove out to Frozen Lake, like 30, 45 minutes out in search of the northern lights. Didn't really get to see the lights at that point, but we walked in this frozen lake lake. We um we were chatting, we were shooting the shit, and and love her. She's so funny, she's adorable. We had such great chats, and she's a real one. She's like, she's gonna stick around. Um, Sammy Beeson. Sammy Beeson is based in Denver, which is thrilling for me. I'm so excited. I am ready to do, I'm ready to do a reality show with Sammy. I think we're gonna do some stuff, throw it up on YouTube, see if people like it. Um, I love Sammy. I absolutely fell in love with Sammy. And if her and I don't end up becoming best friends, I I don't know. I just I would be shocked. I really would be shocked. She's so fun, she's so funny. She's so funny, and she's so nice. And it's just like this beautiful swirl of the two. Um, Serena, my DEI friend, who is both Mexican and gay. So she checks a lot of boxes as far as friendship goes. Which is very exciting. Um she is saved in my phone. Be with her own because of her. She is saved in my phone as D E I. So silly. She texted me right now. Okay. Um, yeah, we're chatting right now. We're texting right now. She remembered, um she's just so funny. Anyway, she's so funny. We got breakfast together, we went on a hike together, we um we got some like good hangs in. I really like her, and then she's coming up too. She's gonna be in a comedy festival in Boulder in June. So I'm so excited to get some more hangs in with her. She's so funny, and I wanna spend more time with her. Um, Samantha, Samantha is a m like, yeah. I mean, all of these people are like gonna pop off. Okay, Samantha Archula. Archula, I might pronounce that wrong, sorry. Um, sorry, Samantha. She's also she's based in northern Ohio. I mean, again, truly one of the funniest people that I've ever met on and off stage. So funny. I mean, I just was like in tears. You just like she her energy was magnetic because you just she was so funny. You just wanted to be around her because you knew that you were gonna be cackling. And I met her towards the end of the festival, so um, I definitely want to get like more time with her. She's so funny. Um, I love her. Um, I met Maddie Ray and Marg. They are a combo. Um, aka they're dating. And Maddie Ray, I'm gonna circle back to Maddie Ray in a second, but I got some time with them. Um, they're both so sweet and fun and funny. Margot. So she's in law school right now, and I know that she wants to pursue her dreams of being a lawyer. Holy shit. I am dying to work with her. I really am. Whether it's she I mean, she wants to do she w and she doesn't want to do anything having to do with the entertainment industry. Um but maybe we could wear her down. You know, she needs to she's on her own journey. But I think in the future we could wear her down. She is so on top of her shit. And you just like she oh my god. Like, if I'm building a dream team, if I'm building an A team, Margot and Maddie Wright are absolutely involved. Um, so I'm gonna circle back to that. I met Alan Snyder, didn't know him before. Um, met him after I did the underwear show. Um underwear show was very fun. I did do the underwear show. Um, I was disappointed with the lack of nudity. I think I think that we should have actually been more naked. Um I did end up flashing the crowd at the end, but I didn't I kind of did I don't know, I didn't do it in I flashed the crowd. I was the only one who flashed the crowd. I had a like a vest on, like a vest with a bunch of like animal faces on it, and then just underwear. Um, and then I like flashed the crowd at the end, but I was holding a mic, so I kind of only opened one vet. Like I kind of did like a one boob flash. You got like you saw the other one, but I kind of did a one boob flash. And um and I should have put the mic in the mic stand and then did a double flash at the same time. Ugh, showbiz. Ugh. Anyway, I met him after that show. Um did not get to see him perform, but as a person, golden retriever, very nice, very funny. Watched Ranch wrestling together. Um, I like him a lot, he's very cool, and I would like to form an alliance with him. Um, I feel like maybe we already have, but but I would like to continue to form an alliance with him. Um, Jared Hazen, met Jared Hazen. Um, he came up in Alaska and then has now um moved to eastern Tennessee. Um, so kind of small town Tennessee. And I've been through it's like Tri-Cities area. Jared is very funny. He's very funny. Um, and I like him a lot. He's very nice. We him and I did get to have like a nice, like long chat, which is great. It's always nice when you're able to like dig in with people. Um, Conrad, Conrad's wife, Amanda, is incredible. She was like one of the first people I met on the first day. She came up to me after I performed and she was like, Oh my god, like she was like, You're just a light, and I was so like drawn to you, and I can tell that you just like bring so much to like the world. Like, she just I mean, she I just was like, she was just an angel sent down to make me feel better about my life that day. It was, I mean, she's so nice and beautiful and adorable, and um, and I really want to keep hanging out with them. Um, I met Micah. Did I say Micah? Love Micah, he's up in Alaska. Um, Brian, Brian Otten um knows so much, has has been there for like four years. He knows so he gave us the Russian tour. He knows he I think he works it. Does he work at Coots? I don't know. He does something, but he gave us the tour the the tour of all of the Russian things. Really he gave us the tour of Coots. Um, but especially the Russian stuff, he knows so much. He has so much information in his head about it. It was blowing my mind. Um and he was fun. I really liked, I really like Brian. I think he's really fun. Um, Mr. Boobs, Sir Boobs, he is a um musical legend up in up in Alaska and Anchorage in general. So I met him, he was very nice. Um okay, who else did I meet? I'm looking through my oh my gosh. Okay, so I met this woman named Victoria who was a safari guide for nine years in Africa. Nine years safari guide in Africa, has tra has solo traveled a lot of Africa as well as guided people. And she's now a guide up in Denali. Um and she was like, oh, so her and I were just like shooting the shit, getting to chat. Um, and oh my god, my legs are so sore. Oh my god. Okay, I need to readdress. Her and I were just like shooting the shit. And she was like, oh yeah, by the way, like if you've ever wanted to go on an African safari, I'm going next January, I'm going January 2027 because I have to go no go pick up like a paper or something. Um and so she's like, so I'm making a trip out of it, and I like want like while I'm doing that, I want to take people over for a safari. And she was like, the biggest cost will be the flight, which will probably be like two grand, and then once we're over there, it's just like accommodation, food, and transport, which like if there's a group of us, we can all split anyway. I was just like, say less. I'm in so right now, open invite for January safari for like three weeks in Africa. That is because I was like, I I mean, of course I've wanted to do an African safari, but in but I was like, I'm gonna have to have at least 15 grand, at least 15 grand to go over there and do like a good safari, right? Um, but this is so much better and so much more me to have and she's a wildlife photographer, but to have met someone who has been a guide for a decade and knows the area really well and is like, yeah, like come on, like let's let's just go over and we'll just safari guide. I wouldn't plan anything, I would be like, we can do whatever you want. Um, so I mean that's like in my head. I'm doing an African safari in January 2027 with Victoria, so super hype about that. Um I'm I know there are a ton of other people that I met and that were really cool. Um, Gary Brennan, I really liked him. He was on that Friday show that I got booked on with Kirk McHenry, and um I really liked him. He was cool. He's coming through, he's actually getting to Denver like at the same like now. Like he's also getting to Denver at the same, like right around the same time as I am. So um hopefully I'll see him again this month. Um, so that'll be great. Um at Vivian Burguette. I might be you guys, if I'm mispronouncing this, I'm so sorry. Um, Megan Malone, all these people are great. Oh my god, I love okay, Chelsea Keys. Um again, I'm so sorry if I'm mispronouncing this, but Chelsea Keys f lives in Fairbanks in a dry cabin. In a dry cabin. That means she goes to the bathroom in an outhouse. We talked so much about it and her life in Alaska because they have there are days where they um so in the dead of winter, depending on where you are in Alaska, peak of winter, it will be 22 to 24 hours of night time. You don't, and you don't really get, and even if you get those two, maybe three hours of sun, it's not full sun. Like it's just coming up a little bit and then it's going back down. Um, and then in the summer, depending on where you are in Alaska, you're getting 22 to 24 hours of full sunlight, um, which I think would be so fun. I think it would be fun both ways, but I do think it would be so fun to go up there in the summer and experience what it is to have like 24 hours of sunlight essentially. Like that would be sick. And they said that like everyone pops off and that's where everyone comes out of hibernation and and like just is filling their days with activities and doing things all day, which is amazing. Um, but Chelsea was so cool. Chelsea's really cool. I picked her brain a lot about just like life in Alaska and just you know what it's like to live in Fairbanks, um, which is quite a few hours north of Anchorage. I want to say it's six hours north of Anchorage. Um, it could be more, but I want to say six. So um it's very different up there. Alaska, Alaska life is fascinating. Not if you're a first of all, I would absolutely recommend going to Alaska, but if you are going to Alaska, talk to the Alaskans. They're I mean, they can be absolutely crazy. They can definitely be batshit. They are also genuinely some of the nicest people I've ever met, really. I all of the Alaskans that I interacted with on this trip, so nice, so kind, so friendly, so welcoming. I loved all of them. I thought they were great. Um, so definitely chat with an Alaskan about Alaskan life and ask a zillion questions because it is fascinating. It is, it's not like anywhere else in the US. There's nowhere else in the US that has that kind of lifestyle. So that was really cool. Um okay, who else? Um, oh, Chris Jessup. I met Chris Jessup. Chris and I are gonna be doing are planning on doing a podcast episode together in June. Um, so him and I were chatting about, he spent like quite an extensive amount of time in China, and we were talking about his experience there and fascinating, fascinating conversation. I am like so excited to get him on the pod and chat about it. Um, Jay Yoder is really nice. He was really cool. Um Cody Chastine, he was really cool. We got to chat for a little bit, he was really cool. Miriam Kirk, really funny. Um, Stuart Thompson, really sweet. What a cutie pie. Um Joe Stolles, aka Ice Beard comedy. We just kept seeing each other, and I would go like ice beard, and he would be like potato. Um I like if without looking at it, I could not have told you that his name was Joe, and he probably could not tell you that my name is Emmy. Um Justin Sands, Justin Sands and I did a roast battle, so we were the two that were against each other. Okay, he won by a collapse. Also, he came up in comedy in Alaska and invited like a shit ton of the people in the audience. So I was like, Okay, if this were an audience that was neutral, I don't know. I feel like I would have gone on. I feel like I would have gone on. I feel like I would have advanced to the next round. Um, but no shade, you know, no shade. It was fun. It was very fun. It was my first roast battle, and I'm really proud of it. I'm actually really proud of it. I think it's really I think it was really funny. Um he had he had home field advantage. 100% he had home field advantage. Um, Scott Busby, he's cool. Um, Scott Busby, um Sabrina Spears. I really like her. She's also um an Alaska girly, and um she was really cool. She was the one who was hosting that that um Friday show that I got put on, and um she's really nice. She's really cool. I like had a bunch of good chats with her with her like throughout the festival, and um, yeah, I like her. Um and I think I mean that's I know that I met a shit ton of other people, but that generally um that generally covers us. Um anyway, okay. So even for just my own note of like how I met the although I just need to update my like comedy spreadsheet with this, honestly, but I just haven't. Um but yeah, there's just some really sick people. Um, we also saw the northern lights on the Coots roof during this trip. So um we saw the northern lights, which was incredible, on a roof in the city, which is very rare. And we and they were out, they were dancing, they were they were so Green, there was some white, there was some purple that came out. That was crazy. And they the northern lights were they were active, they were dancing. It was stunning. And it was just on the bar roof, in I mean, covered in stone. I mean, I was just like, we're gonna fall through this roof for sure. Um, but it seeing them in the city like that is very rare. Um, Brian, who is the one that knows all about the Russia stuff, he was like, I've been here for four years and I have never seen them like this on the roof. And I was just like, Yeah, I feel like it was me. I don't know. I feel like I brought them out because last time I was in Alaska, we only had one day to see the northern lights where we were. We were going up north. We had one day there and they came out, and people had been there for a week, 10 days, like watching, watching, watching, not seeing them. We had one day and they came out and they were dancing, it was gorgeous. So, um, yeah, day where we saw the northern lights, and then I went back to my house it and I just like chilled in the hot tub, and you could see the northern lights from the hot tub. So I was in the hot tub by myself chilling, reflecting on how great my life is, and the northern lights were just like dancing over me as I'm just chilling in the hot tub with like two of the coolest dogs in like one of the best cities having the best time. It was it was so sick, it was amazing. Um okay, pop pop pop. Alright, we we are it we are approaching tea time. We are approaching tea time. Um, just a couple other notes. Okay. What was so cool about meeting all these people is and and so many of these people, it's like, yeah, we can we can all everyone's at a little bit of a different place in their career, obviously. Like everyone has their own kind of like journey, quote unquote, is like you know, doing what they can in their city, but zooming out, it was so cool to be like, I'm coming up with these people. Like this is it's like meeting your graduating class. You're just like it just is like it's just like these are the people that I will be seeing and you know, cheering on and coming up with in our comedy careers. This is a kind of our graduating class. Um, and I just was like, these are the coolest people, it was just so non-toxic, everyone was cool, no one was an asshole. Um, and it was so refreshing and encouraging, and I just was so grateful to be like looking around and being like, okay, this is who we're coming up with. Like, we're in good hands. Like, if this is if this is what the future of comedy looks like, then this is great. Um, and there were so many people, you know, as I met those people, there were a bunch of other people that popped in my head that I was like, oh my god, I cannot wait to introduce these people, introdu you know, get get XYZ in the same room, um, because it's just such good vibes. Okay. Um and I didn't end up I didn't get my final numbers before I did this, but I was able to work while I was up in Alaska, which was amazing. So I actually stopped by a couple real estate offices. I booked three uh meetings. Um, so basically in an office meeting I go in and um typically real estate offices have weekly or monthly meetings where an amount of the agents come in um and then they'll have guest speakers. So I like last minute, um, two of them I booked the day before because I just was doing pop buys and I was like, I don't know, I mean we'll let's see if anything happens. Two of them I booked the day before. Um, so I ended up booking three office meetings and have at least I have to double check. I want to say at least six new clients. Um, and then there's two others that I that we have um kind of orders in the pipeline. Um, and I'm working with them. So and then and then I still have like a couple more people to follow up with and see if they want to chat, um, who said that they were interested. So I ended up making, I mean, I made at least $2,500 from my sales from that, so was profitable, which is great. So that absolutely helps cover flight, rental car, food, Airbnb, you know, um, all of it. So that was super helpful. So I at least made $2,500 um from working and doing meetings while I was up there, and I was so proud of myself because I was like, justifiably, I could absolutely have this be 100% comedy and just be like deep diving, doing the podcast, working on comedy, and but I was just like, you know, there is an opportunity here to work. Um no one up there is working with real estate offices, and I was like, there's an opportunity to work here, so I'm gonna work. And I did, and it really paid off. Um, which also was like so helpful because I didn't proactively do anything when I was in Fiji and Australia for work. Like I just I was responding to things, um, but I wasn't like proactively like doing anything. So I think I would be a lot more stressed right now, like a lot more stressed if I hadn't done that. It just felt like I was able to get some keep like some momentum going. Um so that way when I get back to Colorado today, um, and then start working there, start working like this week essentially, um, that I still feel like I have some momentum and I don't feel like I'm starting from nothing. Um, because that can be like so difficult when you're like so in travel mode or comedy mode, and then I'm like, oh my god, I need to switch back to work. It still is difficult, but I'm really, really, really happy that I was able to um to get in like a work um a workflow while I was in Alaska. That was great, that was so helpful. Um, also, shout out to Enterprise. Enterprise will pick you up. I didn't know that. Okay, so I know that their slogan is Enterprise will pick you up. But when I called them and I was like, Enterprise, I need to rent a car. So I rented a car. I I arrived in Alaska not having rented a car, and I got there and I was like, I should probably rent a car. Like, that is the move for here. I just hadn't done it. I had there were so many other things, I had so many things to do leading up this is to this trip that I didn't have time to do anything. I just I don't know, I didn't make time, whatever you want to say, um, to do anything for this trip before this trip besides pack. So I am sitting in the airport in Anchorage, and I was like, oh, I guess I'll book a rental car. Ended up booking with Enterprise. They didn't pick me up from the airport, but I basically just Ubered to a restaurant so that I could eat, finished up, and then that's where I booked my Airbnb. Did not even have it. I flew to Alaska without booking a rental car and without booking my first four days of accommodation. Um, but here's the thing of course there's gonna be an Airbnb, and of course I'm gonna be able to get a rental car. It just was like, yeah, like easy. I don't know. It just was like, I don't need to worry about this, but I didn't need to worry about it before that moment, everything worked out. Um the rental car was only like I want to say the rental car was like 500 bucks for like a little over two weeks. Um I think it it actually ended up being under 500. It was like 470 maybe um for a little over two weeks. So that was not bad at all. Um, not bad. Booked my little Airbnb. It was an Airbnb where they were like working on it. It's very much a work in progress, so I got like a crazy deal on it. I think it was like 200 bucks for like four nights. Um, so I was super happy about that. And so I Ubered to a restaurant, booked my Airbnb, and then I just called Enterprise, and they did indeed pick me up. They picked me up. That blew my mind. I was like, oh my god, I was just not putting two and two together with the slogan. Like, they're like, Enterprise, we'll pick you up. I'm like, uh I didn't know that, like I didn't put that together. It was so nice, and then the girl who picked me up, woman who picked me up, um, so sweet, so adorable. We like had the best chat, we became friends, we texted a couple times, we ended up, so we were like going to go on a hike, and we were like going to like hang out, and she was gonna come out, whatever, all this stuff. It didn't end up happening, um, which I was kind of sad about, but I was like, well, that happens, you know, whatever. That's okay. Um, but she was so sweet, and we had like such a great chat, and like I'd hit her up if I go back to Alaska for sure. Like, I'd hit her up. Um okay, also, yeah, the trust I I just as a little note about the trusted house sit or sit. The owners are so nice, they were really, really nice. Luna and Willow. I had the most fun with these dogs. I love these dogs, and what was also so helpful was the dogs had a doggy door. So they like I I needed to feed them twice a day, and I needed to walk them, like go on hike. We went on a bunch of hikes to a bunch of different places. Like, I kept taking them to a ton of different places because I wanted to see these parks as well. Um, one of the days we saw a moose that was really sick, a wild moose. Um, that was really cool. The other day we drove I think it was like two hours one way um down to down to this like other area, like south of Anchorage, um gorgeous, and then ended up we basically had this entire park to ourselves, like huge park that is probably so busy usually, but this is still kind was still kind of like off season. Um, I mean we had everything to ourselves. It was so fun, and they they didn't Willow didn't love the car. Willow doesn't love the car, she gets like she gets like panty and like a bit anxious. Um, so I was trying to like stop and get them out as much as we can and then and as much as I could, and then we also did go on like a a nice hike as well to get some energy out. Um, and then they slept so well that night, which is so satisfying. That's so satisfying when you're watching dogs and you know that they got some good exercise and good like mental and physical like stimulation that day, and then they just like pass out and are just like dead to the world. Like, that's so satisfying as a dog sitter. Um they were just I mean, truly like the best dogs, and they were able to be off leash, and they had pretty good recall. Willow was a little bit, Willow struggled a little bit with recall, she would come back, but she would be a little bit stubborn about it. Luna, incredible recall. Um, and that is also like so helpful when you are able to be with a dog that can be off leash and has incredible recall. That is so underrated. Like that is just the best. You just can do so much more. It's so much more fun, and you can just do so much more with them, and it's like it's so much more fun to be able to go on a hike and have them just be off-leash. It it's the best, and then they can run and they can actually run, and they can run and they can sniff and they can explore and they can go get in like quadruple the amount of steps that you do. Um, and and they have a great time. So that was so fun. It's so nice to watch dogs that um have good recall. Um, and the house had a hot tub, it had a sauna, um, and it was a beautiful house, a lot like big windows, like a lot of natural light, really nice neighborhood, like safe neighborhood. Um, and it was like south of Anchorage, and it it kind of knocked up next to a um uh like a big park, like a one of the giant parks. Um so just gorgeous, like a lot of just really yeah, it was just it was a phenomenal house set. I feel like that was I feel like I have to throw that up there in probably one of my top five house sets of all time. That was an incredible house set, and I like I was like crying like a lot as I was prepping to leave because I just was like, I love these dogs, especially I love I love both of them, but especially Luna. Luna just the sweetest, just sweet, smart, like just I mean, uh just like a wolf pack dog. Like she would be in my wolf pack, she was amazing, and it is so sad to leave animals that you have a really good connection with because you're like, this is not my dog, this is not my life, and I I have to leave uh knowing that I might never see them again. Um so there was like so much sadness, it was super, super sad. Um because they really were the best, they were amazing. Okay. Okay. Now for some tea time. We aren't we're an hour in. We got uh you got the full rundown on this trip. And now it's for now there's time for some tea. I'm hungry too. I don't know if I'll get I don't know if I'll be doing part two and part three here at LAX because I'm hungry. I need to go eat some food. Okay, anyway. Alright. Okay, tea time. I had an Alaska fling. Bit of an Alaska fling. Um, okay, we met the first night. So we met at the like at the open mic, like welcome party. Um, and I noticed him on stage and I was like, oh, he's cute. And he came up to me and we started chatting, and he asked me if I wanted to go on a hike, and I was like, Yeah, of course. I was like, Yeah, for sure. Um, and I'm just thinking like friends, super friendly, right? He asked me on a hike, we exchanged numbers, um, and then the next day, so we met on a Thursday, we were going hiking on Saturday. We were texting a little bit on Friday, and he was like, Oh yeah, like by the way, if you don't want to go on a hike, we could do something else. Like we could go like ice skating if you wanted, or you know, whatever. And I was like, Ice skating. Ice skating. I was like, Oh my god, is this a date? Because I just was like, you ice skating is a day activity. That is a date activity, 100%. So when he goes, we don't have to hike, we can go ice skating. I'm like, Oh, I think I'm going on a date. Um, and yeah, that's definitely what was happening. So I was like, oh, okay, okay, I need to like recalibrate this in my head a little bit. Um, so pre-hike, he oh my god. Oh, I'm gonna sleep well tonight, probably. I'm gonna check my phone really quick. Anything happening that I need to know about? Oh my gate changed to gate 27. Oh no. Okay, that's okay. That means nothing. Um great. Okay. So Okay. So morning morning of the hike, so he invites me over to his house in the morning with him and his room. So he lives with a roommate. Because the roommate cooks sourdough pancakes every Saturday. Sourdough pancakes. And he was like, Do you want to come over for sourdough pancakes before the hike? And I was like, Obviously, I want to come over for sourdough pancakes before the hike. Um, so we have sourdough pancakes. I bring some bacon because I had some I I had done some grocery shopping for Airbnb.

unknown 1:01:27

So this is someone's in California. Okay. Please make your way over to Border Aircraft, final boarding call.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

Final boarding call. Okay. So anyway, so I brought over some bacon. That was my contribution. Um, sourdough pancakes, and tea. They made tea in a teapot. And I was like, these are adult men. This these are adults, and this is very exciting. Um, and that morning they had gone on like a 10-mile run. He went on a 10-mile run with his dog before we did this very difficult hike. They went on a 10-mile run, and I just was like, what? Like, what am I who am I dealing with here? Like the literally the most active person on earth. Um, so we hiked flat top mountain in snow. So I had to wear spikes on my feet, on my shoes. And it was okay, this number might be rough, but I want to say it was 600 feet in elevation gain. Oh my god, I am getting tired. I need to sleep. Um, I want to say it was 600 feet. Oh my god, 600. 1600 feet in elevation gain and about a mile and a half up to the top. I mean, it is up. We are going up the whole time. It is a it is an incline the whole time, and then at the very top, there's a scramble at the top. So at the very top, and I didn't know what that was. At the very top, you are on all fours climbing up this mountain. You are climbing up the mountain, and um, and that was challenging enough because you're like looking down and you're like, you're on top of a mountain. You're looking down and you're like, holy shit, there's the ground. Very, very, very, very, very, very far away. And we're very high up because this where we were was like over 3,000 feet up. Um, but it was just but it was just like uh like you we drove up to the parking lot first and then started climbing up, so we didn't climb up the the 3,200 feet, however however high it was. Um, but it was high, it was really high. We were up there. Um and took a bunch of picks. This is where I took the topless picture on Flat Tap Mountain. That picture, I am like worried about Alaskan and Canadian men. That picture, which is a very it's not like it's me holding my boobs on top of a mountain, like it really isn't that. I I've done I've I've done uh much more scandalous things, but there was something about it that really hit the people right. That picture has like 280,000 views as as a static carousel, like it's it's uh just photo, no like it there was no, it's not a reel. That would be a lot for a reel. Two I have never had a photo or a series of photos get 280,000 views and so many new followers from that. And I was like, are Alaskan and Canadian and it was a lot of Alaskan and Canadian men, and I was like, Are you guys okay? Turns out they're not okay. There is a huge discrepancy, there's a huge ratio. There there are more men than women up there. There are a lot more men than women. Um and so these men are lonely and they're thirsty, and they saw some fresh meat with their top off on top of one of their mountains, and they were like, We're gonna pounce. Um, so I was just, I mean, I was flattered. I just 200 I was not anticipating that at all. I was like, I'll be happy if I get like a hundred likes, you know? Like, sure, I'll be happy with that. That was insane. Yeah, that was insane. Um yeah, it's it's really interesting to see like what hits on social media and what doesn't, and like I don't know. It's just it's so interesting. So we get up to the top, we take some pics. So by the way, I was not, I mean, my hands were covering my nips the whole time. So so my little Alaskan fling, he saw nothing on top of that mountain. He saw nothing. Um, I will say up at the top of the mountain and about halfway up, he did so he's a um physical therapist. So we were chatting about how we would exchange like massages for food because I can cook. And um about halfway up the mountain we stopped, and then at the very top we like were stopping and chilling, and um, and he gave me like mini massage both times, and I was like, Oh, this is so nice. I was like, Yes, this is how I deserve to be treat treated. This is correct, you know. I just it was so nice, and I was just like Viva Lavina, you know, I was having a great time. Um so then there was a guy honestly really thankful for this guy. So then there was a guy that came up the mountain that was like had lit has lit is from Alaska or has lived in Alaska for like 10-15 years. So he came up and we were like chatting with him, kind of shooting the shit. Um, but he kind of helped us go down a bit and just kind of gave us some like moral support because I was like, I really needed it. It was steep. What are you on again? Um, it was so steep. So I basically was like, you know what? Instead of trying to like climb down this and I f and feeling like I'm going to slip the entire way, and like low-key a little bit slipping the entire way, I'm just gonna slide. I'm just gonna intentionally slide. And there were two sections of it. So the first one, I mean, this was so steep. The first one you slide, and there was like a boulder off to your left, and so you just as long as you didn't hit this boulder, you're fine. Um, because then it kind of naturally will slow you down before the giant mountain slope to go down. So I was like, you know what? So I had to psych myself up. I I was taking a couple minutes, but it psyched myself up, and um and I was like, alright, I'm just gonna do it. So I slid down that first part. It was a little, it was a little rocky, it was a little uncontrollable. Um, I was I was go over going all over the place, but I didn't hit the boulder. I definitely could not see, I definitely could not control where I was going, but I stopped where I needed to stop, and I did not hit the boulder. That's all that matters. And I was like, okay, that was fun. Um, and then um Alaska and I, I'm gonna just call them Alaska from here on out. Um, my Alaskan flank. So then Alaska and I were like, okay, I was like, can we just slide down the mountain instead of climbing back down? Can we just slide down it? So that's what we ended up doing. We ended up sliding down the mountain. Of course, I wish I had like a sled, you know, or like a trash bag, or like literally anything. Um, but I just slid down on my butt, could not feel my butt for a long amount of time, like a while. Um, but ended up just sliding down this mountain in the snow. It was so fun. It was so fun. Um, that was so worth it. I mean, the view was gorgeous, the day was fun, but like sliding down the mountain in snow was like worth all of it. That was that was so much fun. Um okay. So then we so then Alaska and I we get back to the car. He has his dog with him also, who is a great hiking dog. She was great. Um, so we are hungry, but we like I like don't like feel like going out. I don't I don't know. I just was like, yeah, I don't feel like going out to a restaurant. Like I I would rather go to the grocery store, grab a couple things, and then just like cook back at your house, basically. And he was like, Yeah, I'm super down, and also I have to grocery shop anyway. So we went to the grocery store, and yeah, we're just like shooting the shit and having a good time. He gave me like a little like massage on one of on like my calves and ankles, like in the car, um, as he was driving, which was so nice. And I just again was just like yes, it's like yes, I deserve this. Um, but we went to the grocery store and um grabbed a bunch of stuff. Also, there is a rule in the grocery store that if you grab food and you finish it before checkout, you don't have to pay for it. That rule exists in every grocery store, except like a small mom and pop grocery store. Don't do that there. But any of those big changes, like this was just a variation of Kroger. I was so hungry. So I did grab a pack of sushi. I finished it before checkout, so I treated myself to some free sushi. Um okay, so did that, and then um okay, so and he up ended up going back to his house, and his roommate and his girlfriend were there, and she was really cool. I liked her a lot, and then they invited like two other friends over. So I had like just met all of these people, and now I'm like in their house cooking dinner for Alaska and I. Um, so we're all just in there like shooting the shit, like an episode friends. Like it was it was so fun, and it just was like so warm, and I was just like so happy to like be in someone's home, like cooking and like making new friends and you know whatnot. So um I ended up just making like mac and cheese with rotisserie chicken in it, and then I did some like baked broccoli with like parmesan. Um, so like super simple, very good, but super simple. Um, Goodles, Goodle. I I don't know if it's Goodles or Goodles, but that is my preferred brand of mac and cheese at this point. Delicious. If they want to sponsor this podcast, that would be thrilling. Oh my god, I forgot to tell you about Matty Ray. Whatever. I'll get I'll get to that later. Um I'll circle back to that. Okay. Yeah, what are the what is the other oh Enterprise. Okay, so Enterprise and Goodles or Goodles. Goodles or Goodles, we don't know which I think that those would be a really good fit for sponsors in the future. So just want to say that right now. Um, so anyway, so cook dinner for Alaska and I, and then um him and I, roommate, and then one of the other guys started watching the Barbie movie, and um, and they had like never seen it before, and I was like, you guys, and they and they all were like into it. They all were like, no, this is good, which is like green flags, like such green flags, because it is such a good movie, it is such a good movie, and I think that men that hate on the Barbie movie just like hate women, you know, and it's just like that's exhausting. I'm just like over it. Um so that was fun. Um, and then and then the other two leave, so it's just Alaska and I. And for the third time in my life of of note, the the third time in my life, I am naked on a couch getting a phenomenal massage by someone who is trained in massage. That is a life hack. That is a life hack. Go out with a man who is either a trained massage therapist or physical therapist, whatever it is, because his move will be to offer you a massage, and then he will give you a legit good massage because, like, yes, it's gonna end in some sexy stuff, of course, otherwise you wouldn't have agreed to the massage in that scenario if you didn't want it to end in some sexy stuff. So, of course, it's gonna end in some sexy stuff, but what a life hack! Like, go out with men that are trained massage therapists or physical therapists because then they actually know what they're doing, because other men will be like, Oh yeah, I'll give you a massage, and then they rub your shoulder for two minutes, and then all of a sudden their hand is down your pants, and you're like, That's not really you're like, I wanted a a little more massage than that, you know. And these these guys will actually give you a really good massage. So for the third time in my life, I find myself in this scenario. I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled, I'm having a great time. The barbecue's on, you know, Ryan Gosling and Margot Robbie are there to support me. I'm getting a great massage. Um and and then you know, we and then we end up like it's like it it it escalates to a boob grab, right? So the massage the massage moves to the front and there's some boob grabbing and um and I'm like you know what? I at this moment, at this very moment, April 2026, we are going on month 15. It's it's month this is month 14. Month 14 of no sex. It has been 14 months since I have been intimate with a man to that level. And it's not and it's not because I can't I hope we know that. That would be annoying if you guys were like, damn, she can't get late. No, it's not because I can't, but it's because my hoe phase is over. RIP hoe phase. Ho phase is over. I am intentionally dating, and it is no longer like it no longer serves me to have one night stands or to have casual sex. It just doesn't. Sex with me is no longer casual, it's not a casual experience. I would argue it never was, but I treated it that way. Um, and that phase of my life served me well. It was fun, got some stories, had some fun nights, a bunch of tears were shed. But that's just not where I am anymore. And so this was so this was kind of almost a new experience for me because three years ago, him and I just would have had sex on the couch. Um, but now 31-year-olds, 14 months, no sex. Oh my god, I'm coughing. The Holy Spirit is coming down and trying to close my throat, so I can't finish this thought. Um I was like, like I at this point, you know, I'm going into it and I'm like, what are the what do we do? What are our options? Because I'm down for a little mess around. Hand stuff. Hand stuff. Hand jobs are so back. They are so back. They never had their moment in my life. Okay. We're gonna throw it back in high school, in going into my like sophomore year of high school, I gave one hand job on a log in the woods, and I didn't know what to expect. I had no idea what was gonna happen. I had no idea. We were on a log in the middle of woods, one hand job. He finishes, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm like, ew, what uh? I'm like, what do I do with this? And the leaves did me dirty. The leaves did me dirty because the leaves were all crunchy, and I'm just I just was wiping my hands on nature, poor nature. I was wiping my hands on nature, and I just was like, oh my god, this is terribly inconvenient. This is very sticky. What's next? Like, what's the next what is the next thing? Because we did that one, and I didn't and I didn't like I didn't like the cleanup, I didn't like the mess that was associated, and I'm like, what's next? And he's like, mouth, and I'm like, okay, great, let's do that one moving forward, because it was the leads, it was the lack of a water source that made this like sticky nightmare. And I just I mean I did one hand job, and then I immediately was like, okay, cool, I'm all set on hand jobs. I'm good. I I did it, that was a mess. What's the next thing? That was it was my literally, it was my first and last hand job. Seriously. And so then I moved on to the next thing. So then I started socking dude. Um and vastly different reaction. Vastly different reaction from the men boys at the time. I was also a girl. Um I was cash in anyway. I was about to be like from the children. No, that's fucked up, especially in this day and age. Where everyone where our country's run by pedophiles. Okay. Um, but vastly different reaction. I was getting real-time feedback, I was getting the good job, little pat on my head. I mean, more than that. And I became addicted to that, like dopamine hit. Is it dopamine, serotonin? I don't know, one of them. I got addicted to that dopamine hit of the reaction in that moment that I would get from then when I was sugging their dick. Did you guys hear that? Okay. I hope that you did because I'm I'm really trying not to say it much louder. The airport is filling up. Okay. So I put in my in high school, I put in my 10,000 hours. Sugging dick. No. Um, I did actually I so I absolutely have put in my 10,000 hours, but it wasn't. It actually most of it was post-high school. But in high school, I did get I did get some. In high school I did get some time in. I did get some reps in for sure. I did get some reps in. So I actually I wrote them down. I outlined, I was like, throwback. Let me see if I can remember who it was. I think there was only five. I think there was only five. And I also wrote down all of the guys that I made out with in high school. Definitely 30. At least I made out with at least 30 guys in high school. I was and then and then there I had and then there were five dicks in my mouth, which I'm totally fine with that ratio. I don't think that's a bad ratio. And those were the only two things that I was doing because I wasn't sleeping with people. I slept with one person in high school. One person, one time in high school. So I wasn't sleeping with people, and I also wasn't doing hand jobs, so I was either making out with people, or I was sugging dick. And that ratio, not that bad. Making out with 30 guys, and then sugging five dicks. That's not that bad. And okay, I played it smart. I wasn't, I played it smart, I think. These five guys, they only two of them went to the same school, and those two were not friends, like they were in completely different friend groups. So it was five guys that were besides those two were different schools, different groups. One of them was out of state, one of them was not even in the state of Ohio, so one of them was New York. The other four, between those four, it was three different schools and all different friends, friend groups. So, yeah, like people knew that I made out with people, but like we all everyone was making out. We all were making out with people. Um, so I was able to get my reps in without getting a reputation, and that was smart. I I played that smart. Cause it wasn't I wasn't like ripping through the same friend group. There were definitely guys in the same friend group that I was making out with, but like that's silly. We're all make everyone was making out, we're all making out. It's silly, it's just silliness, right? So I was but I was not ripping through the same friend group. Sucking dick. So there was no reputation that was following me, which was great. I mean, you can correct me if I'm wrong if we knew each other in high school. Correct me if I'm wrong. But like, and of course I told my like super close friends, obviously, but like as far as the guys chatting, that wasn't happening because they didn't know each other and they weren't friends. So I was able to, without generally without consequence, get some reps in. Um, so and then really where I got where I actually got my 10,000 hours in was my first boyfriend because we weren't sleeping together. So we started dating my freshman year of college, and we were not sleeping together, um, which yeah, if you I can't remember what I'm gonna call it, um, but the episode where I'm at Exeter and I'm talking about the the first guy that I had sex with, and then there will be an episode called The Evolution of My Relationship with Sex. That I will deep dive a little bit more. Um, but at this time, my first boyfriend and I were not sleeping together because I was having such when I would think about us sleeping together, I would get have like essentially a mild panic attack because my associated association with sex up until that up until we started dating was because of two other like because of two other instances as well as the first one, um, post high school, was that as soon as we sleep together, you're none, like we're none. As soon as we sleep together, you're over it, you're over me, you got what you wanted, and we're done. So I would, you know, when when I would really think about my first boyfriend and I sleeping together, I would kind of get like an anxiety attack, like mild panic attack, because I just was like, I'm not ready for you to break up with me. You know, I was like, I'm not, and he was like, he just, you know, he would say over and over, like, that's not going to happen. That's not like that's not how this works. Like, that's not, you know, when you're like in a relationship, that's not what you do. But I just I could not, I could not get through that through my head. I just would start to panic. Um, because my first three, my first and only three association associations with sex were that were that as soon as someone sleeps with you, they're done. Um so but him and I, so we were not sleeping together, but we were very horny. We were super, I mean, we just were like I a lot of sexual energy, you know. Um, and so we were just doing mouth stuff. I don't think may I I don't think I mean maybe I gave him I never gave him a hand job to completion ever. I I don't think I could be wrong. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I don't think I ever gave him a hand job to completion. I think that it was um I mean it would be like something I would do in the interim, you know, to give myself like a little break, like a little halftime, you know. Obviously, you're like using your hand, but I think I mean literally, yeah, every time we were together, I was sucking a stick. If not once, multiple times. I absolutely was getting my tenth. thousand hours in like I got I got some good reps in in high school and then I really got my ten thousand hours in in that relationship because we were just doing mouth stuff. I mean he was like he would finger me obviously um but he was he would eat me out I also could not um this will be in that in in probably both of those episodes that I previously mentioned um but I also like I was not fin I was not having an orgasm I was not finishing and he was doing a phenomenal job he I would say to this day I actually will say to this day I th I want to give him the crown for like the best person who's the best like going down the technique the effort I mean the effort the enthusiasm the the passion the technique all of it was just like on par. So I I actually do still want to like give him the crown for that um even you know 13 years later um so good job go work but we were so we were just doing mouth stuff um because again you know we like we're super into each other we're just we're two super horny kids but I was not I was like we're not gonna sleep together because it would give me like a panic attack basically um and I was like but I also don't just like want to like sit here and make out and hold hands like no way so I just I mean yeah I just was like constantly sucking a stick and it was so fun and I had so much fun doing it. Um yeah yeah because the this is so funny I have the lit I literally listed out every guy that I can remember that I made out with I actually I mean my I thought that my memory was starting to go I mean after this I'm like no that was pretty sharp that's pretty sharp I maybe have missed a couple but um yeah I mean definitely 30 at least 30 guys um that I made out with I mean I loved making out I loved making out I still do I still do I love a good makeout give me a good makeout on a couch any day of the week any day of the week just I mean truly one of my favorite here's the thing but the reason but let's let's dive in a little bit more about the dick sucking thing about why I liked it so much okay because at that point I was still really looking to men for approval validation attention um and that was a big priority for me to get approval validation and attention from men I was very much chasing that and I was chasing being chosen I was chasing being seen um I was chasing being special and I'm sure I could elaborate on that but that's really what it boils down to. That's like really that's really what it boils down to. So first of all I think I've always been a good kisser. I think that I mean that I was just born this way you know that's not I don't know I didn't I didn't take a class I didn't I don't specifically remember like learning about it but I just I don't know I've always been a great great kisser but not but and then we do here's the thing anyone could be a good kisser that's not like special right I mean there's a bunch of people that aren't but anyone could be a good kisser that's not gonna blow people's minds that's not special so then when the dick sucking door opened sucking dick became a sport for me like that was where it was my time to shine that was my recital okay I made out with 30 guys sucked five dicks I again not mad about that ratio also that's in four years five dicks in four years that's nothing that's nothing that's those are rookie numbers those are rookie numbers ask some of those guys how many women were doing that to them probably more than five watch it be like no it's just you then you're welcome um but I loved doing it because I was competing with me I was just competing with me and I guess a little bit I that's not true I was competing with me but I also was like I also was like no no no I want to be number one like I want someone to I would I think I was even thinking decades ahead I just was like I want to even a decade from now have this person be like she was the best like she still holds the crown I cannot describe the dopamine hit the dopamine hit that I was getting from seeing their face seeing their faces hearing the noises getting the praise that's a big one um I cannot describe to you the dopamine hit that I was getting from that um hello um keep in mind I mean I also had a 3.8 GPA I was volunteering at animal shelters I was the manager of the volleyball team I played lacrosse I hung out with my friends I planned big blowout birthday parties and I like sug and dick sometimes um you know um and and that like validation and that that like dopamine we all know is very short lived we know that um because boys are dumb and there were a lot of tears that and like of course there were a lot of tears that came from that um and I did I will say I did at least have the sense to go slow with the people that I liked so it is really funny because like of those there were three of those five I like didn't really give a shit about like at all like that was just for the love of the game that was for the love of the game um two of them I had feelings for but three of them no I just was like I just was like you know stretching doing a warm-up going like yeah let's get after it um but then I look at the list of the guys that I made out with and there are a bunch of those guys that I did have a crush on and have feelings for but they were not one of the five because I just I knew that I wanted to go slow with people that I actually liked and have like a buildup to it and and a lot of them like we didn't we then we didn't get there like we ended before we actually got there. So when I had my first kiss when I was like 13 that opened Pandora's box for me absolutely like I remember making out with a guy who's my first kiss and it because it wasn't a kiss it was a make out like we weren't just like like it was we were making out so first kiss I remember when it ended and we were like walking back we was in the Mary Garden at the St. Girl Festival in like 2007 or something 2008 2008 probably and I remember being like hell yeah I want to do that again like when is the soonest that I can do that again? It opened Pandora's box like Pandora's puberty box. I was like put me in coach like when what other stuff is there and when can I do that again? I was like I was I mean yeah it just like really opened things up for me and I didn't have a boyfriend in high school so I there were guys where I had a thing with or were like you were like talking quote unquote for like a period of time but I didn't have but I ended up not having like a boyfriend in high school and I was also still super curious I wanted to explore my own sexuality um and I was a cutie pie. So like what did you think was gonna happen you know um because I didn't have one person to direct that energy towards so a lot of people got a little bit of it. And the point of all of this the point of all of this is that handjobs never got their day with me. I didn't have a hand job area I absolutely had friends that like that's all that they would do. Like they were we were the opposite like they would not suck a dick but they would give a hand job and that just wasn't me I just was like play like a champion suck it up suck it down swallow live as a legend like that was yeah I just I I really was like I really was like why would you give a hand job when you could suck a dick instead like I was upselling myself on that so funny. And that was just high school and that was just high school because then I got then the the guy and I started dating so then I got a boyfriend and that's when I really got my that's when we really got to mastery. I studied abroad you know I definitely had my fun when I was over in Australia studying abroad at uni um and then early 20s and my powers just grew they just continued to grow and I still was like I still was kind of searching for that dopamine. I still was um into Methodist off time thank you yeah I still was like craving that dopamine hit and I still was craving that approval from Matt and I basically was like oh I like that guy's water bottle I think that's one of those like National Park water bottles where you put a bunch of stickers on. Okay anyway sorry um I lost my train of thought okay um power screw okay so but there yeah so anyway so I kept so that kept up that kept up into my 20s I kept like that was my mindset into my 20s um because now now when I was in my 20s hearing oh that was the best head I've ever had that now it had some legs to it now that had some pull to it now it had some meaning because if somebody was saying that to me in high school I was like compared to what you know compared to who but now that I was doing that with guys that were in their 20s and their 30s now it had some legs and I just and it continued to just like I kind of attached like some of my identity to it a bit. And it was a friend of mine so there's a friend of mine who's gay now um but we had our moment hooking up pre-gay and post gay post gay he still crowned me the goat and that now granted that was a few years ago so that I mean I feel like that I would be actually sad for him if that hadn't changed. Like I would be like bro come on get out there um I feel like that has changed at this point. I I don't think I will still be able to maintain that title but I do know that a couple years post gay I was still crowned the goat and I I'm really not saying that to be an asshole. I just I felt like I just this is this is gonna sound ridiculous but I am so serious. I felt like with men I had to like share my gift like I because I also worked for it. Like there was there's a piece of it that comes naturally but there's a piece of it that it's like no I I have I've honed my craft um that I was still looking for men's approval and their praise and to go down and like it was this it I had this like thought in my head that I would like go down in like their personal history book and that was important to me. Like it was important it was like important to me to do to show up to give it a hundred and ten percent to show up to show up so well that even 20 years down the line they would still be thinking about that night. Like that was what was in my head was I was like I want to embed I want this to be such a good experience that I want to embed in your brain now really simply that was it was under the guise of being in service to me really that was not in service to me at all. That was it that is a very like male centered you know that was very that was uh very male centered thinking obviously um but again I'm not saying this to be an asshole I really was just like I really I really when I would be hooking up with a guy I would be like lay the fuck down and let me show you how it's done. Like it was fun for me it I just I was just competing with myself I felt it just it was like fun for me to be like let me put let me do my little show let me let me show you my secret talent this is my America's got talent moment um and that was fun for me but also shallow and fleeting fulfillment because in the moment it was so high and I was like chasing that in the moment it was so that dopamine hit felt so like heightened like getting like seeing their reaction I'm also like this is so funny I'm also talking this up so much it's just second day it's not that fucking hard I'm like talking this up so much like I'm doing something magical I'm really not um I think it's I think it's because I there's enthusiasm behind it. I think that I think that makes the biggest difference. It's like when you're cold calling and somebody can tell if you're smiling they're like smile while you dial I feel like that's like I feel like you know they can tell that you're enthusiastic about it and then it just really like shoots up the experience for them. I'm really not doing like I'm not doing stuff that you've never heard of like I just I don't know I just like give it a little oomph and I'm just like happy to be there. But it you know it's a very shallow and fleeting fulfillment but there was a sense of fulfillment there nonetheless and in a time where um you know I was still very much navigating my own self-esteem and my own self-respect like that was just an and searching for connection with men it just was like a way that just was one of the ways to get it um and you know as we're like unpacking that all time you know now and and and and as I have unpacked that over the last decade especially the last you know five years I would say but you know it's been a process over the last decade. I'm I'm not I am not dependent on men for fulfillment for validation um and I am not putting out to find love where whereas that was absolutely my strategy beforehand. Like that absolutely I was putting out to find love I was like I am going to be so good at this that they will have no choice but to fall in love with me. And guess fucking what that shit doesn't work that doesn't it doesn't work if they already don't have feelings for you. That is not going to make a man have feelings for you and that was not connecting in my brain for a really long time because I just was like I am going to get so good at this thing that they will have no choice but to like want to cuff me want to you know want to like fall in love with me have feelings for me take me on a date you know whatever because I'm gonna be so good at this thing that they're gonna be like oh my god like I want more of that thing um but you know what that's not what happens that's just not what happens and it blows my mind that I it still to this day blows my mind that that's not what happens but that's not what happens um I want to make sure that I'm so good on time. Yeah yeah I had like an hour um we won't be here for the full I mean I probably will be but you know anyway whatever um so yeah so that's that's so that's not what I'm doing anymore um and and that really you know at this at the deeper level of it that's really what I was doing that's really what was happening was I was craving to be seen and heard and loved and to have like true connection with a man and the strategy was to be like so good in bed was to be so good at sucking dick that they had like no choice but to fall in love with me. And over and over and over again that didn't work. If they already liked me to begin with that was just like cherry on top icing on the cake um but if they didn't have feelings for me to begin with it wasn't magically sparking because of that like they were just like oh shit like that was great. Have a good day like thanks for your service you know um so I'm really so I but I had to figure that out on on my own. And that was the str and and I and it was you know it was also kind of under this guise of like and there's some truth to this like of having fun of like okay I'm having fun like I'm I'm getting my rips in but I'm also I'm having fun I'm having a good time this is fun this is funny this is this is whatever it is um which is true but the heartbreak and the shallowness and the lack of fulfillment long term that comes from that is so much more powerful than the instant gratification. So now um now that I have self-respect and self-esteem and both of those things have grown exponentially um now for me the script has completely flipped and now I'm going you do not deserve to experience me sucking your dick like no way like that that energy the energy is still there that energy and that desire is still there but it's very protected and it's like you know as I said earlier like me sucking your dick is not a casual experience us sleeping together is not a casual experience this is not a handout this is not a casual experience and like I said I think that it never really was but I was treating it like it was for sure and that is gone that's gone gone gone gone gone gone gone and I would even say at this point and I think a lot of my friends agree with me at this point one sleeping with me not casual and is a sacred experience um that is intentional it's passionate it's connected it's treasured dare I say ethereal it's like that's how I'm looking at it that's how I'm treating it. And I would say me sucking someone's dick is the next level of that like I guarantee you that the next time I sleep with somebody I will sleep with them first and it that will take a while but I will sleep with them first and then I will separately like that will be the crap like that will be the cherry on top of it all is all suck their dick like it just like it used to be like the it used to be a different progression and now I have flipped those two and I'm like bro that's a lot of effort I mean I really am like doing a whole thing so I'm like that's a lot of effort it's gonna take a lot it's gonna take a lot for to get me back in the game um and as much as I've wanted it as much as I've wanted it in the la no one in the last 14 months has earned that not even fucking close not even fucking close as much as that energy is still there and as much as I still desire that connection um that intentionality isn't there that that intentionality has not shown up and I'm just like it just it has like really my been mind blowing as I've gained self-respect and self-esteem and self-love and all of those things and um and taken a step back and gone look I'm only responding to clear and direct communication um I want there to be an intentional direction that this is moving in um and I you know want someone who looks at me and is like looks at me gets to know me and is like yep you are exactly who I want like not the idea of you you are what I want you are who I want um and grand scheme 14 months isn't that long it just is crazy to like take a step back and not be and be able to look at the picture and not be so directly in it and go like oh my god you guys aren't even fucking close you aren't even fucking close I was making this so fucking easy I was making this so easy and I was still you know getting something out of it I still wanted to be there um it was still you know it was and I needed to in a lot of ways I feel like reclaim my own narrative around sex and kind of reclaim power over it um and I did that in my own way my own hoe face I stand by that and now I'm like okay I did that I got a handle on it um and now like I'm not just we're not just throwing that out there we're not doing that in the get to know you phase that is like that is something that's only happening after you have intentionally declared that you want something to happen with us um and then it is moving in a direction um yeah yeah it's just different it's just changed it's just different um and I'm so proud of being in that spot it also is like semi like infuriate like it's like annoying it's like yeah it's annoying it's annoying to be like oh my god like now that I've stepped back I'm like oh my god you guys aren't even fucking close you guys aren't even you guys aren't you are not stepping up you are not I don't know like doing you're not earning this you are not earning this and it's blowing my mind um you know but it's like I want someone who knows that they want me and is unwavering in that and knows that they you know want everything that I have to offer and everything that my life has to offer um mindset one guy specifically one guy specifically bro if mindset is because I don't know I want to fuck so badly like I do I know it would be so fun and there is so much like energy there but nothing nothing he has done outside of getting a gold star for existing for just existing on earth has justified that and low key I'm like low-key mad I like I kind of understand why incels get aggressive I feel like I'm like mad like I'm like I feel like aggressive about it like I'm like I'm mad but I just am like bro get out of your own way get out of your you are fucking yourself over not just I mean even take me out of the equation even with just like other people like even with other women and just like in life in general I'm just like if this is how you're operating get out of your own way I just am like you know and it's like so frustrating because I'm navigating this situation for the first time myself like I'm navigating a situation where I'm not just like yeah let's fuck like this this is probably the first this is the first time where that's really where there's some like connection there I just am like step it the fuck up like I just am like I I would suck this man's dick daily I would I would suck this man's dick every day daily dose of a comp chat daily dose I'm talking crazy it's been 14 months I'm talking crazy now I'm talking crazy I feel I feel like I'm just my head is I'm not okay maybe check in on me if you if you're listening to this maybe check in on me I don't think I'm doing okay I now I feel like I'm talking crazy but I need to get that out of my head I need to get this nonsense out of my head because he's not changing he's not gonna change he's definitely not gonna prioritize my happiness when he is not choosing his own so you know whatever um but I've also struggled in the in with this because um in the past when I knew that something wasn't going to work out I'd just fuck him anyway like when I knew that something was not gonna work out I'd go okay like it would be like the nightcap like it would be like a cap to the experience right um because you know if if something is not going anywhere but you're still attracted to them and you're still like physically into them it's like yeah let's just like fuck to like cap it off right um well like not not all the time not every time but enough to detect a pattern enough to where it was like that was one of the that was one of the strategies I would pull not strategy I don't know that was one of the things I would pull out with a connection would be like okay we've given it we've given it a go or like oh we went or it would be someone I like went on a date with but I like was like I don't really see this going anywhere but I am physically attracted to them so like let's get a little sugar you know let's get let's get a little something out of this um so and as I'm navigating you know all of this and like that band specifically I also have to remember that this is the first time in my life where I'm not doing that I'm just letting it dissipate and letting it dissipate is so hard because nothing huge happened nothing huge is happening and I'm also not capping it off by by having sex by having sex. I'm just letting it be and that is really fucking hard that is really fucking difficult um it's healthy it's healed it's evolved and it's really fucking hard I as I was I was writing these notes on the plane and I wrote I'm hoarding writing notes about it because I'm like bro this is your fault that we're not fucking or dating or just giggling you know and I can't but I can't justify it I can't justify it when I'm I'm not even getting I'm barely getting crumbs. I'm barely what I what what I'm getting is barely considered crumbs and it's fucking difficult. Um my own brain chemistry is my enemy in this for sure um but anyway the power of holding my ground and the power of of standing immovably in like uh this is where I deserve to be met this is how I deserve to be treated this is how I deserve to be regarded and you're not getting a Scooby snack just for existing babies and I cannot justify as much as I want to report in the immediate cannot justify giving you a little Scooby snack because holding my at this point in my life holding my power is more important to me and I just have to continuously remind my silly little horny brain of that fact where it's like no holding the power is more important um which is why I have invested in two new vibrators and this could be a great plug for pure romance. I so my girl Megan Meyer Megan M-E-G-H-A-N Meyer M-E-I-E-R um she's been my pure romance gal for years I really like her say whatever you want about pure romance they make some good shit this is not a commercial but they make some good shit I have been a customer of theirs for many years they started in Loveland Ohio by the way which is where I'm from they started in Loveland Ohio incredible where I'm from um that that would be the number that would be the number three brand of this episode that I'm like yeah I would do a collab but I don't want to I don't want to like be the distributor I don't want to like I'm like I don't know give me a promo code or like do a commercial like I'm not I don't want to like be selling for them um but I talk I mean I talk I hype pure romance all the time but I did treat myself to two new vibrators around like Black Friday time um because I mean because we can see I mean I don't think I knew need to explain why I think you I think you've gotten it anyway so I'm getting a massage on the couch in Alaska he's doing the titty grab he's fingering me he's he starts fingering me this is actually this was great this was phenomenal he starts fingering me he goes I want to make you come how can I do that hot that is the right question I feel like the Steve Jobs looking guy in the movie iRobot that's like a hologram and he's like that is the right question like that that's a good question that's a good question and that tells me that you give a shit so you know so I told him I don't need to tell you guys the answer but I told him so I was like oh yeah like I I like this do this you know whatever I came twice that night I gave him four handies four down there one of them was just we were just standing in the kitchen didn't take that long for him to finish like every time like it wasn't it wasn't like immediate but it wasn't like long his respawn time was crazy I wasn't there all night I didn't even sleep over his respawn time was crazy um you know and it was it was nice I will say after all that I did miss having a dick in my hand you know it was like a nice little throw it was like my own throwback Thursday it was like oh my god remember dicks dicks are fun um you know I did miss it I missed it for sure you know I was like yeah this is this is what it's all about oh my god okay um we listen and we don't judge okay also key also can I just make an asterisk here I have not had a consistent dick since 2021 20 21 it has been five years and even then semi consistent not super like yeah I would say there was like a consistent one in the in the mix at that point um but but five years it's been five years since I have had one consistent dick in my life what am I to do what am I to do with my five five years with my libido I mean this has been my this has been like solitary confinement this is like my Vietnamese are so this is my cross to bear um five years that's a long time and that's fine if this is not relatable to you that's fine if that's not relatable um this is my life and this is my story and um and it was nice it was nice to get a little Scooby snack in Alaska you know it was nice to have a little Scooby snack um and it was casual it was casual we during that time we hung out like but it was but it was like casual where like I wasn't being treated like shit. Like it was it was nice you know um it was casual we probably hung out like four more times after that um but in that span he came like 13 times like I got like 13 matches you know 13 times um one of them was on FaceTime but we never had sex and we didn't do any mouth stuff no sex no mouth stuff this was just hand stuff this was hand stuff and dirty talk and it was so fun it was fun it was very fun it was it was light it was low stakes um it was fun and you know it's like Alaska boy toy Alaska boy toy that was fun and I needed that honestly I needed that I feel like you know this it like I feel like I've been put through the ringer a bit you know it's been tough um and I needed that so I was thrilled so I was I was happy and he's also ripped he is ripped so not bad to look at also not bad to look at that was fun um and and great dick um I can't say this super loud but um yeah great deck um treated me really well he treated me really well and it was fun and I'm really happy for me honestly in that um and he was um he was a good communicator without being overbearing um he and like when we would see each other out at events he would like if I didn't have a chair he would go grab a chair for me you know we it was like we would chat without being we weren't like glued to each other which is really nice um it was nice to just be able to like chat and then and be like okay like you know it doesn't it's not like moving so fast you're like obsessed with each other like nothing like that like that was nice to be a but it was but it was like but we're also not avoiding each other we're also not making it weird like we're like adults about it so that was nice um and he's fun he's funny um not funnier than me but funny and he asked questions he would ask me like some good questions so that's always fun he affirmed me um he didn't take forever to finish that was very important he did not take forever um got a handful of massages that was great um very nice very nice man and very pro women I think that was one of my favorite things about him was he's very pro-women like he just yeah I feel like he was just like um um a modern man like I don't know just like not like and like gen and not in a way where he was trying to like where it was like a performance but it was like very genuine he very genuinely you can tell like loves and appreciates women um so that was that was really encouraging and it was really like nice to be around and it felt like really healthy. My only piece of feedback not that anyone asked um but my only feedback is he didn't open the car door for me. Okay so I'm so stuck on this car door thing I I want men to open the car door for me. I'm like pretty I'm pretty immovable on that like I will whoever I end up dating will be opening doors for me. I just I like that I really like that I respect it I'm attracted to it and I think it's nice I think that like that like chivalry is very nice and it's like yeah of course I can open my own door I do it every friggin' day how about you do it like that's nice like that you know so we didn't open the car door um which I feel like I feel like a lot of guys don't anymore um but I would like to bring that back I would like to bring that back I'm like pretty I'm like like I think I might just start waiting in car like just not getting out of the car. I think I might just start like sitting in cars and being like oh yeah like are you I can I can't touch the door handle like are you getting it or um no but everything else was everything else is amazing um and what was also nice in this was there wasn't there was there were no there was no moment where I was questioning where I stood um or where we stood like it was it wasn't it wasn't confusing it wasn't like a fuckboy energy like I just was like yes this is like this is a this is a nice man I like this man um and on the day that I left he drove me to the airport very very early early early early early um and he's checked in post trip we've like chatted a couple times and whatnot um the point of this entire episode is that hand traps are having their moment in my life um it's fun it's fun and it's silly to do hand stuff it is it's fun and it's silly um and I love getting fingered so I'm thrilled I'm thrilled with the hand stuff um because you're still and also what I like about it is you're still able to like form a connection and like fuck around mess around whatever without your brain chemistry being like completely blurring your judgment because sleeping with people when you sleeping with people tightens the love goggles it tightens the love goggles it alters our brain chemistry and our hormones it it sends in the lavender haze the pink fog like it so then we are fighting so hard against our own chemistry and the loops that we are in and with hand stuff I don't I don't feel that way. I don't I it's like it's it's fun it's silly um and I don't feel I don't feel that you have to do that that that it's as much of an uphill battle um and like as much as of a web to un or of a knot to untangle um if things don't go well or things don't pan out or you know don't don't play out how you think they are uh or how they think they will because now you know how I think about sleeping with men if it's not a hell yes then it's a hell no if it is not a hell yes we have a connection this is moving in a direction this is full of clarity and clear communication and intentionality hell yes if it is not that then it is a hell no so Alaska was fun Alaska was super fun um I cannot believe that we get to call Alaska part of the United States um it's a gorgeous state has a beautiful wildlife we saw a bald eagle we saw a bald eagle there's bald eagles there's bears there's wolves probably there's moose um there's whales there's stunning wildlife um the landscape is insane the landscape is gorgeous road tripping is the move I am look I'm open to doing an Alaska cruise to seeing that part of it too but road tripping is the move you're just able to see nooks and crannies of of the land that you otherwise are not um or would not be able to road tripping is so the move I have road tripped my friend and I road tripped um Alaska for like seven or ten days in um 2020 is beautiful I absolutely want to do that again and I would do that for like I would do that for a month I would do that for three months like I would really spread it out and like give it some time um because there's so much to see and it's so beautiful especially when you get out of Anchorage like Anchorage is cool um but get out of Anchorage and do other things um and there's the northern lights you're not gonna you're not gonna see them every night um the weather matters the temperature matters but the northern lights are beautiful um the people are crazy but the people are also really nice and really cool they do have a huge homeless problem they have a huge homeless problem um and there are people fun fact not actually not fun fact there are people that freeze to death every year in the winter like I that was one thing that Chelsea and I were talking about was we were talking about what are homeless people doing in the dead of winter um because they have like some shelter but the they the state doesn't have like any shelters I think all of the shelters are nonprofit and they'll like run out of room they'll like fill up um so there's a huge homeless problem and people are free there are always every year people that end up freezing to death in the winter so at some point maybe I can do something about that. I don't know that it feels like it feels like we could collectively solve that problem. Um that feels like an unnecessary way to die an insane way to die um but that is that is happening so that's interesting and like I said peak of winter depending on where you are you're getting 22 to 24 hours of dark and then peak of summer you're getting 22 to 24 hours of sunlight which is like so sick for it to be like 3 a.m and like peak sunlight and you're just like hanging out in like a patio and you're like oh my god it's three like what are we doing? Um and something to note spring is the melting season so I we I was there at the beginning of no at the end of March. I was there at the end of March beginning of April and that is the melting season so that is when all of because they are driving what blew my mind was they are driving on straight up ice like their parking lots and their roads it's just sheets and sheets and sheet it's just a thick sheet of ice and they're just existing on that and then what was insane was being there during melting season because you'll see it'll melt a ton during the day but then it's refreezing at night as the temperatures are dropping you're also like getting streets where there will be a huge section that melted a huge section that didn't so you're like clonking along on these streets I was just like wow I cannot I have so much respect for them I can't believe they're doing this um I think that April and September if you are going to visit April and September are really good times to go because you're missing like it's still good you're not getting extreme weather and you're missing like peak peak tourism so that's I feel like that's a good sweet spot is is not having extreme weather and also not being with 100 billion people um not as crowded and the Alaska Before you die festival so fun so so fun if you are a comedian I would absolutely recommend applying um if they still do it again next year which I hope that they do um so if you're a comedian absolutely apply um it was so fun it was such a good hang it was great networking it was a really fun festival and a gorgeous area I mean everyone there we were all like raving about it everyone there was having a great time that was fun um and if you're in the Alaska area or even if you're not such a fun time to attend like to be able to go to a comedy festival really like low reasonable ticket prices. I mean I mean I'm talking like some there were some shows that were free there were some tickets that were like 10 bucks like 15 bucks 25 bucks whatever it was um so fun time to go um because you'll see a comedy festival and the gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous landscape of of that state is stunning um okay oh thank god I wanted I already came up with the idea of dividing this up into um into three parts because Alaska was two almost two and a half hours good god um okay so coming up within this five week trip series coming up we have the Fiji trip which includes a near death hike in Fiji so I have posted that about that on my Instagram but I will be talking about it as well um gorgeous hike also near death experience so I will be telling that story um and and I did actually get to see um go into a Fijian house um and drink kava with with Fijian people um so that's their kind of like ceremonial like national like drink essentially um so that was a really beautiful experience so so a bunch of like kind of takeaways from that um and then part three is gonna be the wedding date part three is the trip to Australia reunited with a bunch of my friends um and this is the rom com situation rom com setup situation that ended up being very anti comactic mostly because of a comment that was made to me 15 hours in three years of buildup and 15 hours in one comment completely derailed and I was like yeah this is a no for me so um so that's what we have coming up thank you for stopping by thank you for helping my layover go by faster thank you so much I can like move my uh I can okay um but thank you for being here and I'll see you on the next episode of Stories I Wouldn't Tell My Nana