Choosing Yourself, Creativity & Letting Go of Perfection | Jessie Garrett | S2E37

In Season 2, Episode 37 of Igniting Inspired Inquiry, I speak with Jessie Garrett about self-love, creativity, healing, and what it means to truly choose yourself.

Jessie shares her journey through motherhood, health challenges, and creative expression — exploring the shift from perfectionism into trust, and from pressure into alignment.

We talk about women’s health, generational communication, and the importance of reconnecting with your body, your creativity, and your truth. 

We are here to open the door to reflection, resonance, and revelation — and this conversation does exactly that.

Connect with Jessie:
Band: https://www.instagram.com/purejaspertheband
Art: https://www.instagram.com/jessiegarrettart

Join us — and step into a space where real conversation is felt, not just heard.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to Igniting Inspired Inquiry, a space for real conversations with incredible humans. I'm your host, Jay, and I'm here to open the door to reflection, resonance, and revelation. If you have a moment to like, share, subscribe, or review, I would deeply appreciate you sharing the love. This is a space for truth, trust, and the kind of insight that comes from simply being human. Thank you for being here. Let's begin. Okay. We're good.

unknown 0:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Let's do this.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Oh, here we are. Today I'm so excited to introduce. I'm so excited to have this combo because I know where our combos go. I'm so excited to have one of my oldest friends. And not old in age and like how long we've been friends. Which is just and that's what I was reflecting on as I was thinking about this combo. I was like, this could go seven million ways. So today I get to introduce my beautiful friend Jessie, who is currently tuning in from Oregon. And yeah, I'm I'm feeling very, very excited and blessed. And I'm excited to see where this goes. So for those who are listening who don't know you, who's Jesse?

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Oh goodness. Well, I've lived a few lifetimes, that's for sure. Where I'm at right now, meeting myself now. Let's see, I'm a crazy passionate artist. I'm finding that more and more about myself. And a singer and let's see, a really loyal family member and friend. And a mom, a vicious mom. No, for the right things, for the right, right reasons. And a very emotional person, passionate about, you know, the right thing. Seeing people do the right thing and doing the right thing as much as I can. Yeah. So all kinds of things. I feel like a very strong heaviness, or not heaviness uh right now, that's kind of turning in me as in my 40s. That's kind of bringing all of the excitement for life back into my realm, I guess, at the moment. So yeah, passionate. I'm really, really excited and passionate for life at this moment.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yay.

unknown 2:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And that's what you shared actually before we started recording. You were talking about how you're feeling now, and especially in the last six months.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

And actually, do you mind sharing that?

SPEAKER_00 3:02

No, no, not at all. This last kind of, I mean, it's really been interesting. Like for a lot of my life was kind of, you know, my childhood is amazing, very easy flowing. I have my parents are very like, I mean they, you know, they're hippies. They're like cruzy and go with the flow. And I was a bit naive to some things that kind of, you know, found their way to me as a teen. And then, you know, in each chapter of my life, pretty heavy things have kind of happened. A lot of people experience that. But this last six months, it's been just this really interesting, like metamorphosis that I've been going through, just feeling like this strong urge and power to like see myself for exactly who I am, where I'm at right now. And I think it's the first time in my life that I've met myself right where I'm at, and I feel aligned, like inside and outside. I just feel like I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be right now. It's a really intense feeling. It's very cool, though. I'm I'm like fighting for myself in every aspect of the word, you know, like fighting for my mental health or just being an advocate for myself, for my mental health. And, you know, even to the effect of saying no to things that I might be really passionate about, because they might not, it might not be the right time. It might be just too much on my plate at one time.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

So that's beautiful. So energy preservation is what creates like just such a beautiful place for us to play and be authentic. Yeah. That's what I hear. That's what I love about you. So here we are in the first question, which you know, which you had some time to think about. And this one for you is you know, what's one moment, belief, or experience that changed the way you see the world?

SPEAKER_00 5:07

This one I was actually really struggling with because where I'm at right now is I'm feeling like empowered and in such a strong space. I'm not, I don't feel as held back by trauma, like past trauma. I mean, I don't I definitely need to dive into it and explore it more. I've kind of just kind of somewhere in my psyche had a protector, and that protector is held that for me. But so instantly, the first thing I went to was the traumatic experiences, you know, that kind of started the ball rolling. But I would say finally, we had a really hard journey to have children. I had three miscarriages before we had our daughter, but like actually meeting her for the first time. I know a lot of people, I mean, it's like a world-changing thing. You kind of basically wake up one day and you've stepped into a completely different universe, it feels like. Trying not to feel the heaviness of like having wanted to have a baby so badly and not knowing exactly why, but then losing babies multiple times, and then getting to the moment of like, I can't feel like it felt almost like you couldn't feel sad or bad or stressed out because you asked for this, right? Like I asked to have this child. Um because we'd had so much kind of trauma entering the world of trying to bring a life in to this world here, we I kind of was at this weird, strange point where I was like completely in love. Like it was all completely new to me though, and it was it's new to everybody. This is I get really emotional about this side of things because I especially here, I'm not sure if it's I know it's not all around the world. There's beautiful communities just kind of cling to pregnant women and uh new mothers and new families, and just kind of bring them up with this beautiful amount of joy. And that does not happen here as often. You have to find your group, you have to find your family. So it was really world-changing, you know, in so many ways, you know, just feeling like a bit lost because you just need to protect this baby that is everything, and also just feeling like you couldn't be sad about how big it was because I had asked for this for so many years. So yeah, I would say that is that must be a really hard place to be because well, even just like trying not to feel sad.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Yeah, it's like trying not to feel something. But that do you think that comes from that place of like we feel like we need to be one or the other? Whereas we can, and you've probably you've experienced this, you know this now, hindsight. Yeah, it can be both.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

100%. I mean, I think the biggest thing is finding I don't know, finding uh strength where okay, let's say you don't always have to be strong. That is one thing that I like you will literally crack in half if you believe that you have to just be strong and struggle through everything. And I think one of the biggest things I've I learned in that too is not only just find, you know, finding a space, finding a space where people will just take you in their arms, but like feeling okay doing that. That's not there's literally nothing wrong with that. It's actually the most important thing you can do when you're a new mom. Or God, anytime you're feeling like you're having a hard time. Yeah, like asking for help.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah, I think it's one of the greatest gifts is surrender. And when when I say that, it's it's the greatest gift we can give the people we love, but it's also the greatest gift we can give ourselves is allowing ourselves to lean, is allowing ourselves to be supported.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

And fucking to do it, especially because here, okay, and I this is my I mom. I love you, I love you, grandma. I love you, all the past women that have made you know allowed me to be here. But let me just say the examples that were given down the line. I mean, my grandma had a miscarriage. Did I know any of that when I was going through it? No. She also had thyroid disorder, which I have, and that was part of the reason we could we weren't, you know, the babies weren't surviving thyroid disorder. And you know, my levels were all off. But this is another thing I completely cherish, and I love that you are doing this so much. You I can't even, I can't even tell you how happy I am that you're doing this. Just this whole, I mean, it's it's so beautiful. We need these conversations, not just in our living rooms. People need to be able to access this and say, With especially with all the shit that's going on in this world, a lot of it coming from here. And I apologize. I had nothing to do with it. It's not your fault. I want to say, I was devastating, but I want to say it is so important to talk, and that is one thing I am cherishing that I have with my girls. I am so I am, I mean, they know about periods, and they're 10 and 5. I I mean, both of them. They know everything that's coined. I mean, like say within reason for their age, okay. Appropriate. They know what's gonna happen, they're comfortable in talking to me about it in every aspect of life. And beautiful. I and it was no fault of my mom's, and it was no fault of my grandma's, but I didn't know that. And it got me into very terrible situations, like situations that I'm still have trauma from, you know, in my teen years. Yeah, can't take that back. You can't have a conversation and prepare kids, prepare anyone.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

In so many, in so many facets. It was actually it was similar for me, and I didn't know any different. It's just not talked about at all, but it also doesn't set you up. Like I feel I felt the same way as I was going, it's like you do this, but like the rest of it, you just figure it out, and and not just bleeds and like women's menstrual cycles, but and I will take that as far as like actual sex and sexual health and safety and all of that as well. And as we're learning now, which I'm grateful for, at paramenopause and menopause, and like how your cycles change and how you how as a woman you're actually it's more normal for your body to fluctuate in weight than it is for it to stay exactly the same, and actually to have that perspective of your body staying exactly the same shape, it's really unrealistic.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

It's unrealistic and it's damaging. I mean, like how stressful is that? I mean, that's it's just I mean, it's such a it's it's been such a mess. And the fact that we can actually break through and break down the walls of these conversations and actually talk about this kind of stuff. I mean, I'm I was just gonna say too, I just finally found some my naturopath has got me on progesterone. I mean, I'm taking progesterone, and it's the best I've felt in like yeah, beautiful years. That's me.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

And you know, and what I'm just hearing is that when you said about, and again, we're not looking at fault, we're looking at what can change, right? But when you said about how your grandmother had your the the challenges with her thyroid, like if, and this is just scenarios like that had been talked about more, you might have gotten there sooner. And it's the same with other things, like I see there's family patterns that whether it's PCOS or whether you know, and and going right back to, and that's what I love when you're talking about your daughters and like talking to them about their blood now, so that they're conscious and they're aware, and also just like sharing as it starts to develop, because that's your body, but that's also your intuition and your natural woman cycle, not just for blood, like that's everything that's literally the way you will know yourself.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

And how funny, like how no, not funny. I would say how it's a little bit sad that I I didn't have any connection to it when I was younger. Like that's sad, that's a lost it was just a thing you did.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Yeah, and then you majority of the time because of nobody talked about it, it was it was actually a thing that you kind of berated. It was just like, oh, I'm gonna parent girl school and you complain about it.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Yes, I'm gonna celebrate it. We're gonna take they're gonna take a week off school. Yeah, let's take a week off school. Let's just do a feel like doing, let's burn some, you know, candles.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

I love it. Well, yeah, it's so special.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

It's interesting because I like I literally just have come back from staying with my two nieces for the holidays, and yeah, they're at 11 and 15 now, and it's not a secret, it's you know, it's talked about, but also like just for me, it was like I got there and and I actually got my bleed, and I was like, Well, I'm not gonna hold that back. I'm gonna be like, okay, so I just got my bleed, I told them this I just got it, yeah. So that means I'm gonna want to go really slow today. I don't want to have a movement, so maybe we could do like some RD slow, and they were just like totally got it. But I was like, this is what we get to share.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

And then within a day, one of my nieces synced up with me, and it was just like, because that's what happens, right? I love that, yeah. Yeah, I love it. I actually saw this comedian, I can't remember right now, but he was talking about how us us women, we're like, we've got Bluetooth because we sync up. I was like, it's so true, but it that also is a celebration, like that's energy that we're picking up. That's like that shows that we're magnetic, but also like vibrational.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

A hundred percent. And you know what? It's so funny, like, and this is the other thing, too. And you know, my dad's gotten me in, I mean, maybe the last decade. He's just like he's so spiritual, like it with you know, with a native Native American heritage. And but the universe, I never really like we weren't religious growing up, but just discussing the universe and the energies and all of this. God, it feels so good. And I started grounding every day. I you just if it's not, I just feel like society in general, I mean, it's sad and a little bit scary that everyone's getting so far away from that, like our natural true connection to ourselves, to the earth, to each other. I mean, like it's no wonder everyone's anxious.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yeah. And to me, that literally that's the key to your wellness. Like, if you want to, if you want to have better health, if you want to like know how to regulate, whether it's sleep, whether it's bleeds, whether it's like gaining weight, losing weight, whatever it is, it's having that relationship with your body. Like that is the key ingredient.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

And with nature, yeah, you know, it's like I mean, vitamin D is not just from a bottle, people, it's literally a like what so true.

SPEAKER_01 17:37

But you know, it's beautiful because as as you're sharing, I'm reflecting on a couple of things. And one of them is like, it's it's no wonder that we connected because the moment we connected, you and I, way back late 20s, mid-20s. Yeah, this is one of the reasons we connected is because we were there for it. Like we wanted to process life, we wanted to speak about the universe, we wanted to support each other, we wanted to listen and to learn from each other. And these conversations we were having are um like our way. Yeah, yes, totally.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

I mean, seriously, every time I feel like every time we get together, we live like a like another lifetime. Like it's just like you know what I mean. We're like, oh, that was a weekend.

SPEAKER_01 18:25

Yeah, that was just a long yeah, well, and that that's what connection and conversation, deep, honest, integral, authentic communication gets to be. Like you get off from your dearest people, and you feel like you're and when I say get off because some of my favorite people are not in the same place as me. So you get off the call, you get off the phone or the zoom or whatever, but uh you get off. Um but like you said about it feels like a weekend, like I I just like your your my cup feels full and my soul feels every time, yeah, every time, yeah, and no matter how long it's been.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

I always you know, we all both always it's like we want it to be more often, but like how amazing it is it. I having these revelations too, and I just had this recently too where I was just feeling like shit. Like it was maybe it was right before I started feeling like finally, you know, you right, your darkest moment, and then you have a breakthrough or whatever, right? I just was like anxious. I literally had vertigo. I I nearly fell on the ground. I was just the like the whole earth dropped out from under me, and I was like, what is going on? Well, I mean, if I'd sat down for a second and thought about it, I hadn't thought about myself for months. I just hadn't. I hadn't checked in with myself, I hadn't thought about myself, I wasn't drinking enough water, I was just not paying attention to myself. And it was because I was sad and I was stuck. I hadn't seen any of my women. I had barely seen my mom. I was just doing the cycle over every day, just being grumpy. Nobody really probably I feel bad. I didn't even want to be around myself, really. But it was because I was not putting any investment in myself. And you know you can't be good for anyone if you're not for yourself. I was just completely uh there was nothing connecting mind and body.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

I wasn't well, and that's again, that's where you and I would say that is like when you have Vertigo, we have something like that. It's not like, oh, I've done something wrong. It's like my my body's giving me attention. Like it, well, no, it's getting my attention. It's like, hey, yeah, and that's a guess.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Exactly. Pay attention. Yes, totally. And it was, it totally was. It was like, you know, and then I have I've had like these massive bouts of anxiety. Some of them were medication related. I did this not to go totally off topic, but I did I tell you about the i iodine detox last year. Nope. So my naturopath has been, so I have Hashimoto's, which is hypothyroid disorder. And I it makes it harder for me to detox. So she actually has found, she's doing a lot of really interesting research, and she's found that high-dose iodine therapy can actually completely flush not only tox, like all the stored toxins, especially with your thyroid. And so I took it for about seven months, and my for the first time in me taking it for like the last 10 years, my thyroid medication went down by 30 milligrams. Yes. So when I was like like not convulsing, but I was like having massive. Anxiety. So my thyroid meds were too high. But since then, it's maybe it's the perimenopause, but lots of shifts. Like so the anxiety has been really high.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

And not to mention, you know, the way of the world. And we can't discount how you know what kind of energy that throws out for all of us.

SPEAKER_01 22:24

Yeah. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Sorry, that was a little off topic.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

And that's no, it's beautiful. It's actually not the first time I've heard about this the high dose iodine treatment, which is interesting. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I know that that is like definitely it's something that's richly needed in and around your bleed, especially if you have pain and all that sort of thing. Yeah. Um, it's a lack of, which is, I mean, and that's the thing, is like, I think that's one of the biggest areas where I try to communicate the most with my clients, especially when we're talking about body. It's like I think that there's people, there's two schools of thought, right? There's like I have pain, how do I make it go away? Or I have pain, what was my body telling me? Yeah, and and that's where I go. If I have a headache, I think back. It's like, oh, I haven't drunk enough water. I need I actually need some sleep, or I've had a lot of sugar, and I need to, and not that I do, but like I I need salts, I need to like balance that out. Like the more you spend time with yourself and awareness of your physical, the more you can regulate it. But but most humans are I like, oh my gosh, I have a sore tummy. What can I put in to make that go away instead of what is it telling me?

SPEAKER_00 23:42

Yeah, right. 100%. And this is I so this is what I've been feeling so this last six months, and this is why I feel the most connected with my body that I ever have, is exactly what you're talking about. It's like, okay, it's I don't want a band-aid anymore. I don't, I don't want that. It doesn't feel right, and nothing about it makes any sense to me. It just doesn't make sense. Yeah, as soon as you switch over to understand, especially so especially seeing my parents, you know, deal with the medical system. And and uh, I don't want to say, you know, again, it's a different school of thought. Like it's just trusting the doctor, trusting the doctor. He makes a house call, he gives you whiskey, you know. Like, I mean, it's they weren't that they're not old timey like that. Sorry, that's terrible. But that would have been great.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

I'd I'd be down for that.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Take the bottle. I'll take the bottle. I'll see you later.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

I'd I'd rather have that than a course of some kind of anti-something. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Did I send you through that uh fever thing? The naturopathic fever thing about body wraps. Okay, yeah, sorry. So beautiful. I love that. I was like, that was one of the things that tipped me over the edge. I was like, you know what? Ibuprofen clearly kept their fevers going for days longer. Tulula didn't have it, and Eloise did have it, and Eloise's fever was like four days longer.

SPEAKER_01 25:12

Wow. Like what a so bizarre. The ancient recipes, remedies, the ancient ways, they know what they're doing. It's the same. Actually, I went to this beautiful art exhibit just like in the weekend. And one thing that really touched me, and I say that as I'm looking out at the herb garden, is like, yeah, I was gonna ask you for that. Yeah, they they referred to the Nakiri, this forest, and they talked about it like back in in when the Māori really had control over the land. And what I mean by control is that they were putting like love and they were really caring for the land when they could. Yeah, they saw the forest as their medicine cabinet. Oh, I know I was like, like it I see the same as the as the herb garden out there. I'm like, that's not just tea.

SPEAKER_00 25:58

Yeah, that is so cool. Okay, I'm gonna do an illustration for you.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Yeah!

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Yes, please. Yes, please. Okay, that's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

So I love this because we're gonna segue into question two, which is in the moment, and you don't know this question. But what did I ask you about because it's always inspired me with your art and with your creativity? So I wanted to ask you about I think about often from even for myself, my creativity looks different, but I have sometimes we have this perception that we need to be ready or we need to be inspired in order to create. And yes, we have those moments, but then do you feel like there's also moments where you have to just keep showing up for the work? And then and and and then it'll do what I do you know what I mean? Like there's there's it's not always inspired. Sometimes you actually just have to like sit with it and and keep going even when you can't see the vision. Do you feel like that's true for you?

SPEAKER_00 27:00

You know what? That's a really good question. That's a really good question. You know, it's so funny because there's been so many times in my past that I've been doing like graphic design or an illustration that I really needed to do. Usually it was for a project that I wasn't necessarily passionate about. It wasn't specifically for me or like from the heart. And that I definitely was just like, just sit down, just start, just sit down and start. It doesn't have to be perfect. Usually it would take me about anywhere from three to ten different sketches before I get the layout or before I get before I land on the idea, you know. So I like I feel like the less pressure I put on myself to get it right the first time, the more it flows.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:50

You know, like the easier it comes. I just don't, I've given up putting pressure on myself. I'm like, you know what? It's gonna come as soon as I start. But I have to do my method-wise, I have to just do it on scratch. So it's just so low-key. It's there's no pressure on a piece of lined paper, which is funny. So I've got this one. This is my sketch, my shadow box. It's save our save our mother, and it's got it's oh wow, like I think it's gonna be four foot by three foot, and it's about like eight inches deep, and each of these is a different layer, and the outside is black, like it's burning, and then there's orange, and then there's soot, and then there's all the way down to the core of mama art there. But that was just this is the other thing. So when it's something that this is only I've found this, this is how I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing. So I it's taken about 20 years of just waiting to kind of do this. This is actually the thing that I was talking to you about earlier that I I said no to starting trying to make all these pieces for a gallery show that's coming up in about two weeks. Because I was like, I don't want to force it, I'm not ready. Doesn't have to be on someone else's timeline, you know. So ideas in that way, like just giving myself the space to just get it wrong a few times and find where it's supposed to be. That's kind of that's where I live with the art.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 29:35

Did I answer your question?

SPEAKER_01 29:36

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think there's a couple of things that come up there. It's like some people have the perspective that, and again, this is in relation to many things that are creative, but but that they need to feel ready in order to start.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

And I think it's the I think the opposite. The more I've the more I've experienced in life, the more I think is the opposite. I actually that was one of the things that gave me the biggest release this last six months was saying I don't I 100% do not have to be ready. I did an art show last year and I just came up and I was like, sure, I feel the need, like I feel called to do this. I'm just gonna try it. And I made it happen. If it was meant to be, it's gonna be. Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I definitely, especially with artists, I feel like artists should should give themselves the most leeway. It's supposed to be inspirational, it's supposed to be inspired, it's supposed to be from your core and your heart and your being. And it's supposed to flow. Yeah, forcing it is gonna make it get stuck, but agreed, allowing it to just like you're saying, just show show up. It doesn't matter what you put down, let yourself just be in art and see what happens, right? Yeah, great. I think that's where the best inspiration comes with art.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Well, I hear like in that perspective, in that energy, you're like removing the need for perfection, especially right at the beginning. Yes, that's the biggest fucking block to moving forward ever. Absolutely. Because they go from idea to perfection in the moment of seconds, and it's like there's literally no way to do that.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

Oh man, no. I mean, and that's holding so much pressure on that one idea. I mean, that's not fair to your art. That's not fair to you as an as a artistic person. I mean, I think the whole point of art is to like release it's like releasing like inspiration out of your body, essentially. It's just releasing this vision and inspiration.

SPEAKER_01 31:50

I think there's a it's also there's a big element of surrender, right? It's like starting knowing where it's gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Totally. That's my favorite art. Actually, that's what I started doing after graphic design. I started doing these like free flowing. I called it the paper tattoo, and it was just like these free flowing sketches. And then I think it's funny, like I didn't make any money doing it. I think I made some money on prints at like some farmers markets, but right after that, they started that. What is it called? This it's not, I'm gonna butcher this. It's not zoodle. What it's like a noodle machine, probably. It's like these books of like patterns and like just black lines, right? Whatever the heck that is. And I was like, what the like wait a minute, I haven't turned a month forever.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Should have made a book, apparently. Yeah, hindsight's a wonderful thing, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 32:44

But that's okay. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm feeling that more and more.

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Yeah, I think that question was inspired by again the perspective that we feel like we need to be ready in order to start. But my favorite quote is don't wait till you're ready to start. Start and you'll realize you're ready.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Yes, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

And then also like just understanding, especially. So now I'm gonna flip it to like sort of my world, is like there's a lot of a lot of training, a lot of advice or schools of thought around like just come up with the idea, plant the date, the deadline, and then you will just because of the deadline, you'll just like make it happen. And oh yeah, it works, but it's not necessarily surrender. There's there's like force, and there's like so still, even though you get it done, you get it done within the time frame, so you do what you can within the time frame, which is what I've yeah, with which is what I've been playing with. It's like, what if I don't have a timeline on it and I just put everything into what I'm creating? And it'll be spreading.

SPEAKER_00 34:00

How crazy can you feel like if you think of that, if you sit there and just literally let yourself visualize that scenario and that moment with whatever art or project you're thinking about, and you sit there, how big of a weight does that take off your shoulders? Like just imagining it, like just like it's insane, it's absolutely insane. Like, how big of a weight off your shoulders, just that one little simple thing can take. It's like and who and this is the other thing I had this conversation with Johnny this morning. Like, why in this world, like why as humans do we feel like I know technology's had a major play in it, like being available all the time, but why do we feel we measure our lives by the boundaries other people put on us? Even whether they're trying to or not, you know, we just like like for his is work, you know, it's like construction and pro remodel and projects, and people are like, you have to get this done. And he's like, I just feel like they're thinking about me. I need to get this done. And so he goes through a whole entire day thinking about that one person and the stretch rather than, and then sometimes he's like, actually, I'm gonna say I won't have this done until this day, or whatever, or I'll have it done when it's done. But how good would that be able to be to say I'm just it's gonna be done when it's done? There's a time frame for it, it can't be rushed.

SPEAKER_01 35:23

Yeah. Agreed. But then for me, like when I think about that, because that's not the way I've done it before, and the other way has worked, but because that's not the way I've done it before, part of me wonders, well, if you don't have a deadline, will you get it done? Like, will you see it through?

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Well, here's the other question to that is if it takes you so long to do something that you're just fighting somehow your your body or whatever, you're fighting this timeline. You're like, I maybe you never wanted to do it in the first place, or maybe it's not the right thing for you to be doing right now.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

True. If it's that hard to do it, it has a completely different timeline to what you ever anticipated, and you've got to trust it. Exactly because what I'm also hearing is another level of trust and surrender. Like you don't know how long it's gonna take, but trust that it either will come through or it won't, because I believe we're actually meant for as humans, we're meant to create things and not finish them.

SPEAKER_00 36:30

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 36:33

I we're meant to start something and then be like, and not everything. That's not what I'm condoning or signing up for. Yeah. No, but no, until we dove in.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

And that's a beautiful thing. See, here's the thing that's the other, that's the other way that you whittle this thing down, this life down. You if you never tried it, you're always gonna think, like, what why didn't I do that? Or what if I had done that? And you'll just question it. Like, dip your toe in and see. Yeah, does this feel right right now? Well, I tried it, and that's not what I was looking for. So what's next? Rather than holding that space in your head or body for that thought, it's like you'll never know until you try, right? I mean, that agreed settled.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

And that's a whole nother alignment, right? Is actually because you may get into a project, realize it's not for you, but some people will finish it because that the belief that they must.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:35

That's what I said I was gonna do, even if it feels completely out of alignment now, because I I'm shooting. Yeah, because timelines are moving and and and timelines are collapsing, and like now I'm talking about energy fields, but all of that, but also we're growing at a completely different pace. So where we were when we had that idea is not where we are when we're in the middle of making it, and it's like that's not of service anymore.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

Right. I mean, it's so interesting. I I don't know where that came from. I don't know why where that came from. Maybe it was like a workforce thing, you know, like and the workforce, you gotta finish what you started, you know, like so a business could go on as usual, you know.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Yeah, I think there's definitely maybe discernment there in terms of when that's of service or when it's not. So like there'll be some of us that actually need to, but like maybe we're not used to executing a project, so we need to lean into that and we need to bring ourselves to the finish line because that's not unusual, and that's that's the inner challenge. And then there's others that it's like we actually need to know when to say this isn't the right path now. It I thought it was, and it was for the time, but it's not now. And that's that's a really beautiful path to like I guess regulate and explore. Yeah, it's such a cool place to play, and I think we could go on forever, as we already knew before we started.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

Yeah, we certainly do.

SPEAKER_01 38:58

I think, yeah. That's what I want to do now. I know, isn't it though? Have you got anything else to share on that?

SPEAKER_00 39:05

No, I just think that it's I I love the way you're thinking about that. I mean, I've felt that a lot. I felt that I've put a lot of projects just to the side and said, Oh, you know what? I it's just not, I don't have a vision for it anymore. Like, you know, and it's okay. Like it's okay. But and then I see something else and I go off on a completely different tangent, and it's a beautiful tangent, and I want to live in that for a while.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

And I've also had projects that I've put off to the side, and then a year or longer, I'm like, oh, that's I I want that now. And so like it's just trusting the timing, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Absolutely. I think yes, I wish everybody did that. I think more people could do that. We're just kind of locked into we're locked in a lot, not we, but the collective we. Yeah. Everybody's pretty locked into their you know their life, their life, life as they know it, right? Yeah, cooling and go to work, come home, don't look at each other. No, thank you. Serve people, serve children, go to bed, wake up. Try to ground for two minutes, because that's all the time you have. True. Drink three coffees, go out to survive.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

No, no, do it all again. We're we're reaching for more than that, but I I hear you. And what you're what you're really saying there is just being unconscious.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

It's it's really important to look up. It feels good to look up.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

Yeah, or and actually, I I I think about this too. Look up you, or and look down, like look at where your feet are like notice the feeling of your feet and shoes, and that there are those shoes are on the ground and what ground that looks like. Like, yes, thank you with your eyes.

unknown 41:03

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 41:04

You know, that's the one of the beautiful things. I I don't do it enough. You know, I did it when the girls were really little, but I I don't do it enough, but I want to do it more, is just be at the level of a five-year-old. Like, how I mean, are you kidding me? Like, if everybody could just uh pretend that that's not abnormal and just you know, sing at the top of your lungs and do a freaking roly-poly out in the grass. God, actually, it hurts to do a cartwheel these days. Holy Jesus. Oh no, but good stuff. Like that's God, that's the good stuff, man.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Speaking of which, um, you have a question for me. I do have a question for God.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

I I have like a list of like eight questions.

SPEAKER_01 41:58

Don't ask me any questions, I don't want that right now. Can I not ask you eight questions? Well, you equal these.

SPEAKER_00 42:06

Oh man.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

Oh, okay. Oh you got it. Bring it. So third section, third question, reflecting light. So you're gonna ask me a question.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

So, okay, here's one. If you could go back and be there for yourself at any given moment or situation in your past, where would you go and what would you tell yourself?

SPEAKER_01 42:31

It's a beautiful question because you know, it sort of takes me two ways, especially when you think about like everything happens for a reason, you know, and and and I just kind of trust that everything it it happened as it needed to and and and all the things. So so because of that belief, I I live in it like I don't have any regrets and I and I trust it, you know. However, I think that if I could go back and sort of be with myself at any point I think it's like early 30s actually like in hindsight, living a pretty epic life.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

But not feeling it in any way, shape, or form. And what I mean is like I was doing the things and beautiful friends and traveling the world and teaching yoga and all the things, but yeah, I was living in a world of not it's not enough and I'm not enough.

SPEAKER_00 43:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

So it was amazing. But the level of joy and connection and opportunity and all. The things if I was just in celebration and gratitude instead of lack and scarcity, yeah, it would have been different, and it and it wasn't, so that's okay, there's no blame or fault there. But yeah, looking back and being really disconnected from my body and from my feelings, from my emotions. And that's one of the reasons why I was in lack and scarcity, because there was so much that was trapped within me that I was operating and viewing the world from that pain. Yeah. And I and I didn't know any different until I did.

SPEAKER_03 44:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

But I think that that would be, yeah, because looking back and being like, like, that was like key time. Like that was and and and I actually I'm some people even at my age now might look back and be like, that was your fittest time, that was your this time, that was your most active, and I and I I don't feel that way because I feel pretty amazing and healthy right now, which is like something you celebrate. However, like pretty fit and pretty strong and pretty adventurous and all the things, but I didn't feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 45:18

Did you feel connected to the experiences or were you just kind of present in the experiences?

SPEAKER_01 45:24

I was doing the best I could.

SPEAKER_00 45:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:27

There was a lot, there was a lot of faking it when I made it. And I didn't know I was doing that. I actually didn't know that. No, no, no. Yeah. I didn't know I was wildly unhappy. I didn't know that I was constantly measuring myself against everybody else, or thinking that even when I was in a room of people that were fully receiving me and enjoying me, I was wondering whether they were judging me.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:50

I'm not saying they were, but that's what I was thinking.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

No, I know. But you felt something you felt, whatever that was, whatever that feeling was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Constantly in the measure and the perspective of not enough and not I'm not enough. It's not enough. And what's gonna go wrong?

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

No, I go and have a chat with her and just be like, Do you know what you're doing? Yeah. Yeah. Because at the same time, like because of that, I didn't let myself be fully seen. Therefore, I didn't let myself be like fully connect. And like I I have and had beautiful connections, but they could have been more. I could have let them be more, but I didn't feel safe for that. And same with opportunities. Like so many opportunities came my way, but I didn't believe myself. So I didn't go for it.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

That's so, yeah. It's so interesting. I mean, it's such a journey. Wow, it's such a journey. I mean, 20s and 30s, god, teens. I mean, I think after seven, you know, you just have this, or whenever, to be honest, it's not seven, it's whenever that moment is that you just someone teaches you something from the adult world that you just were not ready to take on or understand. Wherever that happens, yeah, it's just a very interesting journey after that. Like it's just of finding yourself, of finding of loving yourself, yeah. Of loving yourself.

SPEAKER_01 47:40

And that's medicine.

SPEAKER_00 47:43

And it's such an interesting thing though, like how quickly and easily the world that we live in disconnects to you from internalizing, or not internalizing, but like finding yourself.

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Well, and and you know, it's like having such a limited view of the world. Yeah. But you know, going back to how I started the question, answering the question, it's like I don't I don't regret any of that because that that's why I do what I do now. Yeah, it is. You know, that that's why I want people to help and and actually everything that we've talked about today, you know, like in in terms of learning about your cycle, about seeing your health in a different way, about understanding what's what's creative, and which is also like no matter what you're creating, trust and surrender. Like it's yeah, that's the magic of being human.

SPEAKER_00 48:46

Oh, yeah, it is absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 48:48

That's where I if we're living from that place, we'll be okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

I just wish I wish that there weren't so many distractions from that, for for society from that. Because God, if you don't have a connection, or don't let's say if you can't have these kind of conversations with someone or discuss this world, this not world, I'm sorry, open up enough to understand yourself and to understand where you really are on this planet and in the universe or whatever. People just don't have the access to those conversations. Some people really just don't have that, and the disconnect is so sad because you can just kind of I see so many people just kind of like I don't know, every once in a while. I'm like, I'm like rotting from the inside if I'm not having these conversations or recognizing my body, like you were talking about with the vertigo or with the dehydration, you know, like not recognizing that, and it just literally eats you from the inside.

SPEAKER_01 50:05

All those things, trauma, like yep, and that's where in a way we are blessed, like because we do have in in some way access to it like this, like hearing these conversations or hearing people that we need to follow. So there's a lot of discernment because there's a lot of noise and there's a lot of distraction. However, if we're honed in on and because people are like, well, I don't know what I want, I don't know what I need, I don't know where to go, I don't know what I need, it's overwhelming. And I'm like, just get to know yourself with it.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah. Just start. Just start. Just start, just start, just start.

SPEAKER_01 50:42

You get to be your best teammate, and and that will always be the winner.

SPEAKER_00 50:48

It is such a good feeling. It is such a good feeling. And I back to that, you know, talking about your past self and who you are. I feel like I finally just like again, circling back around, met myself where I'm at for the first time. I'm not running ahead. We're trying to run ahead. I'm not like playing catch-up. Yep. And this is the first time that I'm like, I love myself. I love myself enough to fight for my health, mental and physical.

SPEAKER_01 51:21

Do you feel like that's one of your greatest achievements is getting to that place? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 51:27

Yeah. That was that was you know what's funny? Okay, so this is I'm also still right on the that was one of my three. When you know I said I couldn't, I was having a hard time choosing an answer to your for, you know, like to the first question. Like that moment, that moment. It was definitely, you know, being abused at 16 was one of them that was trauma and do related, you know, just held on tight to my insights for a really long time. And then having the girls, having the miscarriages, then having the girls. But the one I really wanted to say was felt it's still sometimes I have a fight with myself on is that a selfish thing? Uh, of all the things that have happened in my entire life. No, it's not selfish, it's the most beautiful thing. I just have a hard time still choosing that is something to outwardly celebrating, right? Yeah. And I'm like, you know what? No, okay, yes, I love myself. It's the first time in my life, maybe, that I've chosen myself over anything. Yeah, and it feels amazing, and I feel ready, I feel available again for other people. Yes, yes, before I'm just basically fighting every day to feel like I just want this much for me. And I and I wasn't even leaving space for it. It wasn't gonna show up because I wasn't leaving any space for it. I didn't know how to do that.

SPEAKER_01 53:00

Yeah, and and the apprehension to celebrate that isn't yours. That's a conditioning that's been passed on and around, and you name it. So it's understandable. Yeah, but the more we do that, because you're literally sharing the answer here, it's like because you said when you do that, you're better for everyone else. Yeah, but we had that perspective passed down to us that it's selfish, and it's so nice because when we're operating from that place, well, also love is a renewable, like the ultimate renewable resource. There isn't an infinite, I mean, there isn't a finite amount, it's fucking infinite.

SPEAKER_00 53:38

So when you find that self-love for yourself, it's oh it emanates, yeah, it absolutely spreads. Yeah, and what a beautiful thing. I mean, I am so proud. I have to say, I'm like so, I'm really proud of our generation.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

Um we really have got to a place of weird learning what not to do and being very.

SPEAKER_00 54:01

Yes, we're fully diving into this, you know, I don't know, unearthing and I don't know, the generational trauma that's been passed down for just so many years, decades. Yeah, and it's so bizarre and so interesting. But fuck it. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna hold on to that anymore. I won't pass it to the I can't pass it on to the girls. I have to be careful not to pass my anxiety on to them because having daughters in this world is a kind of a scary thing. Yep, yeah, it is, especially having trauma. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_01 54:47

Um let's see, yeah, this there's so many pieces to it, but it's like it's just being as home as we possibly can and and loving on that as you share. Yeah, it's so special. I I mean you're gonna have to come back, so I want to hear those other questions. I'll come back. I am as there as I know what even what time is it? We could do this all day. Yeah, we've definitely gone over time. It's okay. Should we talk coming soon?

SPEAKER_00 55:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 55:26

I just want to say thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 55:28

Yeah, thank you for thank you for being here. Thank you for doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 55:33

Yeah, but sharing the truth and and actually receiving that, seeing the medicine in it and and your sharing being a medicine for another, and that's kind of how I see it ripples out, right? Yeah, just kind of keep passing it on, it's a pay it forward through truth.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

Yeah, that's keep the conversation going through many people.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Yes, yes. Before we go, uh how do people connect with you and in your work? Have you got anything at the moment?

SPEAKER_00 56:05

That's a great question. Yeah, I will be making more art and just I'm not so good at social media. I have to be completely blatantly honest about that. I'm gonna have to hire somebody to do that for me.

SPEAKER_01 56:21

Yeah, do it. Very special. Just lean on being genius.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

Yeah, I have to analog childhood people, yeah. Analog childhood. I don't know how to do the buttons. No. Um, so but yeah, this fall the girls are going back to school. I've been homeschooling, yes. The girls are going back to school at a really chill spot, which is good. Feels pretty safe. Yeah, in all ways. But yeah, so in this in the fall over here, so September, I'll be starting up my full-time art business. So that's Jesse. Oh yeah. I'll have to maybe on round two. It's Jess Garrett Art.

SPEAKER_01 57:02

Yeah. Or Jesse Garrett's art. When the when the links come up, I'll just chuck them in the show notes or people can just message and be like, I was gonna put the band info in there too, but um, yeah, I think I messaged you that earlier today.

SPEAKER_00 57:16

I'm very sweet, sounds good. You're Jasper, yeah. Yes, yeah, thank you. It was really good chatting with you, my friend. As always.

SPEAKER_01 57:29

As always, as always, and and you know, for those who are listening, I I hope it sparks something in your heart, an inquiry. And as we were talking about in the second question with creativity, any of those inquiries, there isn't an end point, and it doesn't need to be done tomorrow. Just follow it, see where it takes you. Definitely and and lean into the inquiry, and I think that's really special. I think that's where the juice lies, is is not needing to know where it's gonna go. Just no, just explore.

SPEAKER_00 58:03

Yeah, yeah, explore. Find what you yeah, find what moves you. Because that's living, right? Absolutely. Yes, we all need more of that.

SPEAKER_01 58:16

Oh, yeah, yes, agreed. Thank you, my love. I love you. Yeah, we love you too. Good to see you.

unknown 58:25

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 58:26

Bye, everyone.