🎙️ Igniting Inspired Inquiry | Season 2 🔥

Leadership, Human Connection & Learning How to Respond | Rick Gutzewitz | S2E40

• Jae Energy • Season 2 • Episode 40

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In Episode 40 of Igniting Inspired Inquiry, I speak with Rick Gutzewitz about leadership, human connection, emotional regulation, and the power of learning how to respond rather than react.

This conversation explores the reality of being human while navigating family, business, community, and responsibility — and the tools and practices that help us meet life with greater awareness and intention.

Rick shares his perspective on emotional waves, nervous system regulation, technology boundaries, accountability, communication, and the importance of creating intentional spaces where people can reconnect with themselves, each other, and nature.

We are here to open the door to reflection, resonance, and revelation.

This is a space for truth, trust, and the kind of insight that comes from simply being human — raw, alive, and transformative.

Connect with Rick / WellSpace:

Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/wellspacesauna/

Season 2 of Igniting Inspired Inquiry is a courageous return to what is real — amplifying honest voices, sharing human stories, and exploring the journey toward inner peace.

If this episode resonated, we would deeply appreciate a Like, Share, Review, or Subscribe as we continue creating a space where inquiry is alive, bold, and transformative.

SPEAKER_04

Welcome to Igniting Inspired Inquiry, a space for real conversations with incredible humans. I'm your host, Jay, and I'm here to open the door to reflection, resonance, and revelation. If you have a moment to like, share, subscribe, or review, I would deeply appreciate you sharing the love. This is a space for truth, trust, and the kind of insight that comes from simply being human. Thank you for being here. Let's begin. Here we are. Today I get to welcome back my friend Rick. And we were just reflecting on his last episode, which was episode number three. And here we are in episode 40. And for as long as I've known you, we've never had a lack of deep combo. So always excited to share that space with you. So here we are, episode 40. Rick is back. And for those who are listening or watching, who is Rick?

SPEAKER_00

This is the same question you asked last time.

SPEAKER_04

I know. Maybe he's changed, maybe he's the same. Maybe you want to say something different.

SPEAKER_00

Well, this time, yeah. Well, last time I described myself with qualities. This time I have more of uh concise words that uh relate to my identity or who I identify as. Yeah, I'm a kind and compassionate man. And yeah, I I love doing what I I'm doing. It's challenging, it's rewarding. And yeah, I I wouldn't have any other any other lifestyle. I've chosen something that's really fulfilling and meaningful. And yeah, I I see myself as a person that loves to be in the great outdoors and connecting with people. Also learning what my boundary is with connecting with people because I'm such an extrovert and learning to balance that. So yeah, I I consider myself a person who enjoys my personal time and that time quality time with my family and and with my wife as a husband, but I I also value the time getting outdoors and having fun. Because here's another one. I'm a I am a busy man, I've got a very full schedule, and and it can easily get out of balance. And so, yeah, what's alive for me for who I am is is is certainly balance.

SPEAKER_04

That's beautiful. It's nice to hear you claim that, to claim yourself and the leadership, the family man, and all that you are, because I see it and I feel it. So it's nice to hear you claim that. Yeah, that's why you inspire me so much.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Well, it's yeah, the the the children, the my kids have been the biggest drivers for me for everything that I do now. Have been an incredible orientator prior to kids.

SPEAKER_04

A layer of purpose.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, huge layer of purpose. You know, I I I come home to I come home to my family and I look at the kids that we're raising, and and it's every night I'm I'm really grateful for for what they're teaching me and how they're guiding me and and why I'm doing everything. And the ultimate realization from that is that you know, we're just a blip in time, and the next generation are the ones that will be receiving what we are doing, the work that we are doing, and yeah, all that I'm doing is and will be handed over to them.

SPEAKER_04

Mm-hmm. Legacy.

SPEAKER_00

Very purposeful.

SPEAKER_04

And just having that lens as a parent means that you're already offering them such a beautiful life. And that's that's the way I think you know, I I hope that a lot more move forward with that awareness and with the you know, the gratitude for your kids, but also the lens of like they're here to teach you and you're learning as much as they are, and learning, growing, shifting with them. But also the awareness of what you're doing is is creating what's next for them. The choice or not, like in terms of like, but like just laying the foundation of opportunity.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and showing other people that aren't parents as well, that you know, the interactions that I have as a father with my my children and yeah, showing them what's possible for them, you know, even if it's just planting a small seed, um, just sharing that love of you know, that presence between me and them in the space in that moment. Yeah, because I I look at them with uh with big eyes. I'm just like, how did how did this happen? You know, yeah, blessed with two gorgeous children, and yeah, it's nice to it's nice to just be really authentic to the that feeling that I have in the moment and and be able to share that intentionally and and and unintentionally as well.

SPEAKER_04

Mm-hmm. Mm. Beautiful. I love that. I'm curious as we go into the common thread, question one, which you've answered before. What is one moment belief or experience that's changed the way you see the world?

SPEAKER_00

Something's very alive for me right now. It's it's a collection of moments, but it's what leaves the impact that's alive for me. And it's through challenge that leaves an imprint, uh, an emotional imprint that latches on to a place wherever it latches on to. And it's very live for me because in a role of uh leadership, I'm dealing with a lot of navigation with people, and there's a great challenge of remaining grounded and stable and centered. And with that is this inner uh meeting this emotional latch that's kind of like it's almost like there's defense and there's protection, but there's there's also like an emotional reaction to let's say confrontation. And it's kind of like, whoa, I'm I'm feeling, feeling, I'm feeling this kind of response to confrontation to challenge. And it's yeah, it's really got me thinking the question, how how do you how do you work with this? How do you not let that take over the the being and just go into full reactive mode? And that's a question, you know, as as as a leader and to other leaders as well, of how how do you process that latch, that emotional latch. And yeah, there's many different ways that come to mind for me, but it's been really alive for me because it's it's really shown me how I can choose a better reaction in this world. It's really shown me like just observing that, how we can slip down one way, which is sending a responsive text which has emotion and which has that what's latched on and and and you know projected back out. But then also watching, like I haven't done that, thankfully. There's been the the draft messages of frustration, but then not sending it. And it's really shown me a type of leadership that is really powerful, that can change the world. And yeah, I'm navigating, just observing as a witness, just watching this latch, this emotional response and that tighting and that feeling, and it's yucking like whoa. And then through means processing it through like movement and through talking it out with my partner, and then letting it simmer and then responding once I'm grounded. It's been so powerful with working with people.

SPEAKER_04

That's huge, huge. There's a massive amount of regulation in that massive amount. But what I also hear is a couple things, a question. Is even maybe the term latch is like sort of does that is that saying that it's something that kind of attaches itself to you? Is that what it feels like?

SPEAKER_00

I feel when there's been moments of confrontation, that moment it comes up, I've noticed a response, uh a visceral response.

SPEAKER_04

A reaction, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Uh if there's been an if a physical reaction, like emotion are tied to it. Yeah. And and that's you know, that's limiting belief, a limiting belief reacting, like, oh, I've done something wrong. I haven't been good. Or oh, I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be accepted. There's limiting beliefs that is I feel is no matter how much work you do, there is always gonna be something inside that trick, like 100%. It's human. Yeah, it's human, it's a human response.

SPEAKER_04

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00

And then there's the sticking of it. Like it's almost like throwing spaghetti against the wall. And so that's what I mean by latch. Like it just sticks there for a bit.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Until it decides to slide off.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

And then fall on the floor.

SPEAKER_04

Slide off, or you choose to move it, like as you as you alluded to, like through conversation, through movement, like actually, because I think that's what you're probably what you're doing more often rather than letting it slide off. But what I'm hearing as well, and and you might connect to this is like knowing your, and this is what I did, so I'm speaking for myself, but like and reflecting that back, is understanding my human design and knowing that I have an emotional wave. And so that I need to, whatever happens, I need to sit with to and so step back from, and let that emotional wave move through me before I then respond. So that A has me stepping back from reacting, not not reacting in my own space, but reacting with whatever's going on, and then also stepping back in terms of zooming out, so responding from my whole truth, not the limited part of me that's reacted.

SPEAKER_00

100% is huge. And that's a very I love the word smart, but I also love the words like strat. I love the words strategy and strategic like stri strategy, being strategic on um on yeah, navigating relationships and people's personalities, and then like how to communicate with people without burning bridges.

SPEAKER_04

Huge. While also holding your own boundaries, 100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

There was a huge thing to play as a leader, like uh not play. Well, play, because and when I say play, it's curiosity, it's not as though I'm playing a game. Play in terms of like being open and being curious, but it's also massive and necessary if you're gonna be a leader is to step outside of the personal experience because you're also wanting to respond as a leader, you're responding as a business, you're responding as the whole, as a as a community, not just from self.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, I would agree. There's there's a the you know who we choose to become is also associated with uh what we represent and what other entities we represent. Um so for example, I represent my business, I represent the land because when people say, Oh, who's Rick, they associate it with an experience that they've had. And for a lot of the time, people come to Walespace to come experience the product of whalespace, and people know who I am because they've been to Walespace. So if I were to react emotionally, I'm actually then giving people the opportunity to associate that reaction with what I represent. Oh, for example, oh, I I don't I don't want to go there because I heard you know Rick did XYZ. And so now if opinions are formed and it's associated with other things. So that's just people form opinions, you can't stop that, you know.

SPEAKER_04

Well, it that's where I was gonna get to, because I mean, you're you're operating in a way and communicating in a way that's leadership for the whole, for everything that you represent. However, there's an awareness that there's a lack of of compassion for people being like human. And what I mean is there's a lot of pressure as a leader to be perfect and to show up in the absolutely right way. Because if you don't, then example, as you gave, it will impact so many facets of your life because people have uh there's a lack of compassion, or even just not even compassion, understanding that everybody is human and nobody is perfect, and that because what as you were sharing that, I totally hear the intention and why you choose that. It's also emotional regulation, it's really powerful, but at the same time, there is this awareness that we don't get to have an emotion negative without it having an impact. There's less tolerance and even understanding for someone just being able to be, do that, you know. That's that's an emotion, they're having an emotion. It's like, how dare they do this? It's like having an emotion, they're being human, right?

SPEAKER_00

And and it's I feel it's very common these days to be quick to judge.

SPEAKER_04

That's that's what I'm referring to, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And then to hold on to that judgment.

SPEAKER_04

Agreed, yeah, and make it mean a whole bunch of things.

SPEAKER_00

Put a story behind it. And then share that with other people.

SPEAKER_04

Which is nobody's fucking business.

SPEAKER_00

100% when we look at how humans were formed back in the day, or at least the knowledge that I've gathered, that how we've built a civilization is based around the ability to tell stories. From the monkey going, Watch out, there's a lion, to at two o'clock, I saw a lion down at the river. You better watch out, or else he might eat you. There's a there's a lot more story behind communication. So as we've developed uh communication skills, so has the ability to gossip and share, share stories. And it's you know, it's been there from the from from the very beginning, I believe. And I've been I've been fortunate enough to be stuck in an echo chamber of gossip. Where I've been in well, me and Paige have been together for 11 years, 11 and a half, married for five, and at the very start of our relationship, we actually got brought together from our two best friends at the time. Now, if you can just take a moment to think of that dynamic, our two best friends were together, and we were both together. Paige was best friends with the other girl, and I was best friends with my mate. So Paige would tell me something, and I'd confine in my best mate, who would then tell it to his girlfriend, then to tell it to Paige, then to tell it back to me, and she would go, Why did you tell him about XYZ? And this went on for quite a wee while and that's that was a that was quite a moment for me to understand that there needs to be a cut in the chain where the communication actually stops and and that is unnecessary to pass on our opinions to people because it comes back around and bites you in the ass.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Well, and also the key piece there that you said was our opinions. Because often what's happening, and this is a bit that I was hearing as well, is it's not the fact that's being shared, it's the it's a it's a an opinion based on the fact that that was received. Or therefore, what I get really annoyed about, especially with gossip and things like that, is a lot of what's being shared is based on assumption. So it's not even true, or it's a form of the truth flavored with opinion, possibly with emotion from when they receive that information, but then someone else will hear that and take that for truth.

SPEAKER_00

So even a lot of what's being shared isn't even fucking true, or it's and then that person takes that on, and and their opinion of that person is now formed through another person's experience.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you. Yeah, exactly. And and and and someone else is even being treated based on that assumption layered with opinion with a teeny bit of fact. Yeah, there's a lot of that happening, and that's why it's just that if it's not my information, it's not to be shared. That's that's a that's a core value in me. That's something that I had to instill as being a coach and and and being a leader and all the things as well. But it's like even in my friend groups, if it's not mine to share, it ain't gonna be shared. Unless there's only one area of that, unless it's with love and concern. So you're just you're trying to sort of tune in, like, how is this person going, or whatever it is. But that again, that's still not shared any further. It's my information that I want so that I can support them in whatever way it is. But that's the only time. Otherwise, it it also just gossip. I remember, oh, you'll know this the four agreements. Woo and the energy of gossip. It's like black magic. It's like it's toxic. And then like layer that with don't make assumptions and have awareness of the assumptions that you're making and then sharing. That's just a whole lot of untruth.

SPEAKER_00

And it's damaging.

SPEAKER_04

And that's what a lot of people just aren't considering at all.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Or don't care.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I feel it's until you've actually been involved personally in an experience where gossip or people's opinions have come back around, or background conversations, until you've really experienced it, I feel that, like until you until you really experience it is when you s you really start to be awake of, oh wow, but the information that I share with people is and can be damaging to people's reputations. And it's only, you know, if if people can really listen and understand through could these types of conversations and living through vicariously through other people's experience, that's that's the easy way, you know. The hard way is living it. But if we can if we can really look at the impact that our words have on one another and how it's actually said as well. So that emotion that's that's behind it is is really important to be conscious of because we can ruin people's lives. An easy post on social media.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

It can ruin someone's lives, someone's life. Yeah, it can create so much inner turmoil, it's as easy as just taking a taking a pause, taking a breath and processing the emotion and considering what's important to share. Yeah, it's that it's as you said, it's that just pulling out and just observing the the whole thing as as a living what's like yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_04

Understanding, you know, what what could come of it, but also I mean, I just don't live in that world. If it's not like directly affecting me, it's none of my business. And if I don't know all of the facts and all of the truths, or am like directly involved, it's not mine to have an opinion on. None of my business.

SPEAKER_00

I really love the word orientate or reorientate because when I've been involved in that type of situation, I'm like, let's let's refocus, let's look at where we really want to be, what we really want to be talking about here.

SPEAKER_02

And what's important.

SPEAKER_00

And and just being more like I love being solution focused because it's not getting stuck in the past and getting stuck in an eddy. It's like just step out of that and what's the next step, you know, where are we going with all of this? And what would we rather be feeling? What would what yeah, what would we rather be sharing?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think that also brings in consideration of what what's the objective here.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. I mean, I think that that might stop people in their tracks too, if you just ask that question, what's the objective here?

SPEAKER_00

What am I trying to? I feel like I've been around you saying, not not in that word, but being in that space we could have done that. It's yeah, I can something in me that relates.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, absolutely. That is a really powerful cord in or where we just went. Thank you for sharing. And I think that for those who are listening, they'll either like deeply connect with what we're sharing, or it's perhaps a new lens that they get to consider. Whether it's considering leaders in it with a different view and maybe the pressure that they're under, or considering the impact of of their choices and their communication and their assumptions. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And it's a simple, simple question, right?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Like, is how how do I handle the situation? What's the best way to move forward?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And for me, it's like, is this of higher service?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

And then that's gonna that's gonna stop getting tracks if it's not positive. Yeah, and and we've all done that, right? Like we've all and and and so as I'm thinking about the listener and maybe receiving that and feeling a bit about it, maybe reflecting on previous behaviors. We've all been a part of that. That's how we know that it doesn't sit with us or it doesn't serve us. We've been we've been caught up in that, or we've shared something we shouldn't have, or we've made an assumption about someone, and then you know, well, I have for sure. And and but that's also how I learned. So if it makes you, as you're hearing this, feel uncomfortable. I've felt that. I needed that uncomfortable, I needed that discomfort, I needed that ego smack in the head to really see what was different, but also to really understand the implications of my actions. So that's how we came to this learning, right? Was through the opposite.

SPEAKER_00

It's a learning opportunity. Yeah. And and and as, you know, when I've seen myself say something that I feel like was incorrect, I've corrected myself. I said, Oh, that's what I wasn't really meant. That wasn't what I was really trying to communicate. And that's okay. Yeah, we we can we're allowed to change our minds.

SPEAKER_04

I'm so all for correcting ourselves. Oh, yeah, I'm so all for that, or calling myself out. I'll say something, I'm like, oh, I actually I didn't mean that. Like, because people are like, Well, you did because you said it. No, because some of it is unconscious, some of it is subconscious, some of it is conditioning, some of it is stuff that was passed to us. So we actually need to call it out in order for it to change, right? So there's some things that come through and then be like, ugh, I'll take that back.

SPEAKER_00

And there is so much strength in that, like that, that is just being a strong leader, is is owning owning your mistakes, you know. And you know, if we really want to change this world, it's all about role modeling. Another great example, when I lose my shit, you know, around my kids, I apologize. I I let I let the energy sim simmer first. I regulate and I go back and I said, I'm I say to my boys, I'm sorry, daddy was really frustrated and uh apologized for the way I behave. And it makes me feel so much better.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. But it also on that, it also gives them the opportunity to understand and to see regulation and to see open and honest communication because it's not about you being perfect, it's not about you not being angry around your kids, it's what you do after that because you're human. Because that's a greater lesson than not being even angry around them, is how you show up after.

SPEAKER_00

And I give so much respect to those people who own their stuff, who own their actions. I have so much respect for them because I see that learning opportunity then being reapplied, and that's that's like that's wisdom. You know, wisdom to me is applied knowledge.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

And and and they're the type they're the type of people that I want to want to surround myself with.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, yes. It's also vulnerability, which is one of the best places to lead from, no matter what you're doing in life. It's also an opportunity for deeper connection when you let people in to I was gonna say mistakes, but I don't see anything as a mistake, but you know, those weaknesses or those wobbles or whatever it is. So when you let people into that, well, I mean, we're reminding each other that we're human and that we're not perfect, but we we connect in a deeper level in terms of what we're working on or what we're trying to change or what's present for us, and it's such a powerful thing.

SPEAKER_00

And and that to me, to round that back to where we were at the start of the conversation, determines who you are. Our actions determine who we are. If we, you know, wobble and then we go back and apologize and own up for how we behaved, that that shows you the the type of person you are. And this brilliant words that could surround that.

SPEAKER_04

Agreed. As long as there's then change in the action. Because I've also seen like you can't just apologize and then repeat the same behavior. Yes, apologize, work on it, but you've got to change the behavior too, because otherwise the sorry doesn't mean shit.

SPEAKER_00

Especially repeated.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I mean. Like you're not perfect, it will happen again. But if it keeps happening and you think that it's just the sorry that's needed, not the change, that's not okay.

SPEAKER_00

I yeah, I I give people chances. Oh, absolutely. I give people two chances. There you go. When it happens the third time, that's a giant red flag that needs addressing.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

Because here's another great avenue that we can take. I love the analogy of you know, green flags, orange flags, and red flags. Now we've all got red flags. We're not perfect as humans. Green flags, I would say there are 90, 95% of this is very generalizing, but 95% of what we do in the world for the majority of humans are all green flags. You know, we are we come at with such good intentions, usually in the first place, you know. Then our behaviors from our programming will show both orange and red flags. Now, orange flags is what I can tolerate. I can tolerate when because we're not perfect, I can tolerate behaviors that can be learned, like it can be learnt as a learning process. I and unlearned, yeah. You know, in football, you get two yellow cards, right? You get chances. If there's a red flag, I'll be seriously contemplating whether I invite you into my life or not. Because I've only got a limited time, limited energy. And if this red flag is going to be the detriment, this behavior is going to be a detriment to my culture, to my company, to my family, then yeah, I don't have much room for that. So I always give people chances. I from my own uh lived experience, I'm very careful of who I give my time to now. And I am looking at what these green, yellow, and red flags are. And if I see gossiping happening, then you know, it's a bit of a yellow, yellow flag for me. Just nip this in the bud, but it's learned from this opportunity. If it continues, well, we'll take what's necessary. Yeah. Yeah, take what's necessary action.

SPEAKER_04

Yep, I agree.

SPEAKER_00

We've only got so much space.

SPEAKER_04

Well, and we're here to have a good time. We've done the work because we want to be better people and we want a beautiful environment around us, and those who matter we really deeply care about. So, therefore, if you're impacting that, I I wish you well. And also, I'm I'm going this way.

SPEAKER_00

You do you, and those red flags, like it's learning. Like, I I give people learning opportunities, even with the red flags, but I set my boundaries hard on those. Um that's key.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, and that's self-preservation, but it's also protecting the leader leader that you are. It's a beautiful thing. Whoo! There we go. Ding ding ding. So here we are, question two, which you don't know. But it's very much in alignment with the first question or where we went with the first question. But what I'm thinking about now is like some more like tools-oriented, like, what do you do? And so this question is like when you have that what you called a latch, or where you have that emotional reaction, what do you do to move the energy?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, good question. Well, yeah, there's many different tools that that I've used. Um what I find oh here's an example. Uh, last night I was reading a text message and it was actually a voice note, and the first 30 seconds I knew where this was going. And I stopped it. I stopped it halfway through. It was a long voice note. I and I knew where this was going. And I I just I don't I said to myself, I don't need to listen to this right now. And I threw the phone on the bed. Now, for me, the phone is one of the biggest stress, stresses, uh, distractions, stresses in my in my life, because that's where most calms come through.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_00

So actually removing myself from the phone, separating myself from the phone, and finding a more appropriate time has been a very useful tool for me. And I've got a I've got a wee little system I use, particularly with my messages, where I unread messages. So I'll tune into the message and I'll then prioritize that message with where I'm at. Because as I said, my schedule is very, very full. And I've got a family and I have to set some boundaries with my family time. I had checked this within that boundary of family time, and I was like, what am I doing? So I threw my phone away and uh see, I'm not checking this till tomorrow. And that's what I did. I found a more appropriate time, I let I let it simmer and it did a little bit of pericolating, and I I really set a mental boundary within me saying, just let it go. This will get dealt with. But right now, there's a little emotional reaction at the wrong time. And so I un I so I I unread the message, I threw it on the bed, and I left it. And that has been a really beautiful way for me to downregulate and also find a more appropriate time to listen to it and give it the time that it needed. So, yeah, separation, time, and then just finding find finding the best time, really.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, it's beautiful. It also explains it's similar, like letting the emotional wave happen and responding at the appropriate time, but also creating that boundary with it. Yeah, which really ensures that you're not going to react. You're coming from a place of response. And you're really choosing when is the right time, your ability to respond. Yeah, which is beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

I love the word react. Because it's like, you know, if something's acting on me, then I'm really acting back.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

So a reaction um compared to a response. And so response for me is very grounded, it's very factual, and it's very it's very straight to the point using non-violent communication.

SPEAKER_04

Agreed.

SPEAKER_00

That's really useful tool.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, yes, yes, okay.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, NVC. For those who don't know, NVC has been a beautiful structure to work with confrontation.

SPEAKER_04

It's amazing, eh?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, look it up, Google it. It's very simple.

SPEAKER_04

Great audiobook. Great audio book, non-violent communication.

SPEAKER_02

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, I don't ask me that now, I don't remember. It was a long time ago, actually. I listened to that, but it was next level when I yeah, when I received that, and it was just, yeah, that's a big yeah, I that makes sense as to how we're at, where we're at. But also I want to share just on the back of that, like how I move energy. If that has been that, and like a really big part of it, because a lot of part of my work, but also just my own self-regulation, is knowing that an emotion is so reaction, emotion, is energy in motion and it needs to move. So understanding that is the first piece. And then the second is like, how does it need to be moved? And does it need to be verbally expressed? Does it need to be, does it need to be distance? Does it need to be physically moved? And that physical might be really different too. It might be aggressive, it might be like full on, like assertive, like really like full on, or it may be really gentle. Um, and so therefore, like yin and softness and slowness or breath or somatic, you know, it's like so you try these things on and then you figure out your way. But feeling is healing, and what does that mean? Is that you let energy, emotion move, and that's what we're here for. So I just want to share that.

SPEAKER_00

That's beautiful. I uh there's an exercise I do in the shower, actually. And uh you know how you can do like a little bit of a body roll?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, spinal waves. You know what?

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna show you.

SPEAKER_04

Okay, go on.

SPEAKER_00

Because I've actually found this viscerally really powerful in the morning to reset.

SPEAKER_04

And so you need to describe it verbally too, though, because there'll be people listening. Okay, you need to describe it as you do it, just telling you.

SPEAKER_00

So when I wake up in the morning, my mind starts thinking, and I'm sure there's a lot of listeners that can relate. The thoughts just kick in, and especially if there's something that we've been sleeping on, it will just be the first thing that comes up in our in our brain, and this is how the day starts. And so if that happens to me, I have a shower, shower is very cleansing and it's it's very washing, and I've started doing this exercise where I do like it's like shaking out, it's like flicking out the energy like you're talking about, like really like imagining like flicking out this like just stuff out of the body. Yes, yes, and I do it, I'll just I'll just okay. Can you see me? Yes. So I'm letting the shower over me and I'm doing this kind of like flicking it out, yeah. And I'm and I do this on a cold chow. Now the cold chow is really awesome for being really present, and I'm just like letting just like flicking it out like this, and it's been so powerful. It's like yeah, the upper body and the arms and rolling forward and just letting the limbs go loose and just like letting it letting it go. And that's really powerful for letting energy go first thing in the morning for me from emotional instances.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah. Shaking is powerful, like it it literally shakes tension out of the body, but not necessarily just in a physical way, like anxious tension, nervous tension, nervous system regulation is the shaking as well. It's a beautiful way to start your day.

SPEAKER_00

It's just movement, honestly.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, movement is key.

SPEAKER_00

It's massive, yeah. Massive. I could we could have a whole nother hour talking about that.

SPEAKER_04

I know another time, but I agree. But I mean, for those who are listening, if you're not sure, just find a way that feels good in your body, and you'll find it. Your body knows your body knows what to do if we come out of our head and into the body. It'll give us exactly what we need to do to move it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And for those who are into ecstatic dance, you'll know what it feels like to let go of the mind and just be embodied and like just surrender yourself to the music. It feels yummy.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, it does. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful medicine. Highly recommend, clearly, from both of us. So here we go. We get to move into question three, reflecting light. So, my friend, you have a question for me.

SPEAKER_03

Hmm.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I always love doing things ablib, and they just they usually just come down.

SPEAKER_04

Down for it.

SPEAKER_00

How do you place mental boundaries?

SPEAKER_04

How do I place mental boundaries?

SPEAKER_00

This this comes along with what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

If if something comes in, a piece of information or data or like words or audio or something you've seen, and and then there's a rumination, like the mind kicks in. How how do you set, like there's a processing, how do you set mental boundaries around that?

SPEAKER_04

So I think what you're meaning is one get clarity is like whether I dive into that now or whether I place space between it. Is that what you mean? Or how I process it?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so I find the mind is very talkative.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And sometimes it's really hard to turn off.

SPEAKER_04

Got it. Okay, yeah, cool. So it's understanding. Yeah. Wow. Again, it's listening to the body. So am I in the right place to process this right now? And so for me, it's am I coming? Is this higher service? Like, am I coming at it from the right place? And so this is a conversation that I'm having in my mind. But also okay, so this is like when I'm in mental boundaries, I've got really good, I think, and we need to because of phones, and actually, on the explanation that you shared is that we can receive anything from any tone at any time. And depending on where we're at, that can either it can just we could someone can change our world in a moment in terms of what they share and how they share it. And I don't know that that's good for us as humans. So mental boundaries before anything even comes in is no notifications on my phone. Because we're talking about phones, like this is where we can get, like, you know, this is where the highest rate of those disruptions or those distractions or those interruptions or those, like, yeah, can come in. So a little bit like what you shared, but and and I have all sorts of boundaries on my phone about when it's on, when it's not, it doesn't make sound, it doesn't vibrate. I choose when I use my phone, it does not interrupt my day. I think that's a really powerful mental boundary and regulation. And then it is also maybe one step before where you're at with like read and unread, it's literally just seeing who it's from and choosing. So what I mean by that is like client or someone who is challenging or you know, seeing who it's from and then choosing whether that's this is the time or space to to you know to meet that respond. Again, if it's in mental boundary. I mean, the best part would be and this is coming back to some of the stuff we're talking about in the first question, is discernment. This is mine and a huge mental boundary. So actually, we go right steps back, right? Someone's sharing something with me, and if it is not mine, I will either say out loud, no thank you, or I'm saying that in my head, no thank you. This is not at all. I'm saying, and my clients know this about me, so some of them, my clients, if they're listening, they're nodding, they're like, yeah, and it works because they reflected that back to me. My two favorite mental boundaries, I love that you've got me to this, but are no thank you, and this is not mine.

SPEAKER_00

I gotta write that down. I'm gonna write that down right now.

SPEAKER_04

No thank you is also an energetic protection. So when I'm saying no thank you, the energy of whatever it is that you are wanting me to receive is going back to you because it's not mine. Yeah, but also I share that because a lot of people are sharing things or saying what they're saying, or especially the way they're saying it, because they want you to have what they're feeling. And it is not mine, so no thank you.

SPEAKER_00

And that is what I feel latches, is it's not just an emotion, emotional reaction that latches, but it's that energy that gets passed through. Yep. That's yeah, no, thank you. I love it. There was a uh what was your brain, a neuroscience psychologist or whatever. Excuse my ignorance on the title. Her name is Amanda Fu, brilliant. She gave us some training, and just to go along with what you're saying with that tool, she said the words delete, delete, delete.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

Something comes in, it enters into the brain, you've listened to it, it's been processed in the brain. Oh no, it's in there now. What do we do? Delete, delete, delete. Shh, get it out. I don't want it. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, that's brilliant.

SPEAKER_00

That's really powerful, Jay.

SPEAKER_04

Well, and the other thing to consider here, because some people might be hearing that and thinking, well, that's really selfish, or that means you're not listening. That's not true. What it means is I'm not taking it on to be mine. It does not mean I'm not listening. Not at all. But actually, to flip that on its head, it's actually of higher service to the other person. Because if I take what you think I need or that the weight that you want me to carry, I'm not fixing it for you anyway. So it's not mine. No, thank you. It's yours to deal with, it's yours to heal or to move or to fix, or whatever, whatever you need, but it's not mine. Beautiful, but even, and so I use that a lot in perspectives, like so. When you're out in the community and people are sharing perspectives that are not in alignment with me, I will actually say out loud, no, thank you. Because I don't agree. But I don't need to say in that environment, I don't agree with you, and start having an argument or whatever else. I just need it to be known to myself and to the universe. No, thank you. I do not agree. Because a lot of those areas you can't say that. I have a cat that wants to come up. Hi.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yes, please.

SPEAKER_04

No, she wants to snaggle. You'll probably hear her yes in the microphone. So I guess I just need to elaborate on the method to the madness there. But I love that you got me to that because when you first asked the question, I was like, What are my neutral boundaries? And then it took me a minute, but then I got there. And those I use them all the time.

SPEAKER_00

It's a protective, it's a protect if you're as you're saying, as the energy comes through, yes, you're protecting yourself from it. And it's we need that more now. As you're saying, and you're just protecting yourself on that that stuff that sticks.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, but you're also doing what's of service to them too, because you can't fix it, you can't hold it, it's not yours. But you can be there and be present, and I'm still that, depending on what's happening. Otherwise, I'm like, no, thank you.

SPEAKER_00

Just and but and by saying no thank you, you're role modeling what it like you're cut, you're you're breaking that chain. Yep, you're showing them how to do it, yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Because I think there's also the other thing that's happening is there's so many people that don't know what to say or how to respond and will nod, which the other person will take as agreement. No, thank you. I need you to be really clear, no, thank you. Like this is not mine, and I do not agree.

SPEAKER_00

A nodding or a yep, yep, I'm listening. Yep. It's like what are you saying yes to?

SPEAKER_04

They take that as like you're on board with them, and that's it's also it's untrue, but it's and what comes that comes back to as being inauthentic, but more so than that person hearing me no say no thank you, is what's more important to me is that the universe knows that that is a no thank you from me. Like, I do not I do not agree, and that is not in alignment with me, and just so you know, universe and energy, it no nice, no, yeah, it's that's simple, really, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00

And yeah, I I I see like not only is that an external no, um, but what you're saying before is there's an internal conversation that's happening with yourself.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, um, and I don't even it's so natural now, I don't even know I'm doing it. But and then or that just happened. It's like sometimes when you feel that the energy is really heavy around you and it's a lot, it's intense, and people perhaps unbeknownst to them want you to hold it, they want you to have it, they want to throw it at you. There's for me, it's a big deep. And they'll see me do that. And again, I'm like protecting me, and you've actually seen me do that. I remember that, and it's also what it does is stops people in their tracks so they realize what they're doing because sometimes it's unconscious, because it might not even be theirs, they've just picked it up and they're passing it on, and I'm like, mm-mm, like you said, bringing the chain.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, and and and I I do witness that with you, Jay, and that's what I admire is you've got very strong boundaries, and you role model that very well. So here's a plug for you for those who want to learn more about boundaries, energetic or not. Yeah, Jay, you're you're incredible, yeah. Go go see Jay. She's been you're you've been an incredible friend and to me just by being you, and that's what I want to see in this world. You know, I want to I want to see more of that leadership where people are authentic and will stand for how you know, stand for how we want to live, you know. Yeah, we want to live in a in a real world where we're protecting ourselves from that yucky energy, yeah, and stopping it.

SPEAKER_04

You know, yeah, not passing it on, being present to who we are, being honest and deep in connection.

SPEAKER_00

Honest, honest, honesty.

SPEAKER_04

I know, right? I know, and that's the thing, is like yeah, that even ties into what we're talking about. If it's an assumption, if it's a an expanded opinion, if it's not yours, somebody else said it to you, and then you're passing it on, like that's just it's not an alignment, but it's not honest, and even more than that, it ain't authentic, and that's what I strive for deeply, and you know that, that's why we connected. There's a that deep level of understanding and authenticity, um, and being true to yeah, you're dropping bombs, Jay. That's what happens when we chat, mate.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, yeah, honest honesty and authenticity, they are so powerful, those two values, and I'm gonna write those down.

SPEAKER_04

If we could all come back to that place within ourselves, the world would be, there's no doubt, a better place.

SPEAKER_00

Man, one one more useful tool before we wrap this up is uh is a whiteboard. So for those who appreciate having visual cues to remind you on where we're reorientating our time and our energy. Get a magnet one, or wherever it's gonna be in your face. I've got mine on my fridge, I have my couch sitting right in front of front of the fridge. So every time I sit down on the couch, I'm I'm staring at this thing, and it's got it's got three columns, it's got structures of success, it's got my priorities, and it's got my values, yes, and honesty and authentic authenticity is a powerful value to write on your whiteboard team.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, agreed. It's yeah, I agree. I also am a huge advocate for like the things that you are stepping into, the things that you're wanting to embody more, put those reminders around you because we get unconscious and we need to see it to be reminded.

SPEAKER_00

Hold on, I've got to take this call and get distracted on how I should you know show up in life. Yeah, what are we talking about? That's right. Honesty and authenticity. It's thank you for reminding me, whiteboard and Jay.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, well, you know, and that's a beautiful part of the space that you've created at Well Space and what people can receive when they come for well-being, for contrast hydrotherapy, for not just that though, connection, for nervous system regulation for sure, and stress adaptation, and it's in that started with you.

SPEAKER_00

Doing a lot of love.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. So for those who are listening, and as we come to the end, can you share about that? How how do people find whale space and what you've created?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so whale space essentially is what it is in the name. It's a space for wellness. We focus on the sauna and coal plunge aspect to get us into a space of downregulation and also cultivate community and connection between humans and nature. It's a it's a very simple concept and it's a growing trend that's exploding all around the world. And it's a very simple process from just relaxing in the heat and exposing yourself to short short amounts of stress that then builds anti-stress pathways within the body. That's just on a physio physiological level. There's there's also the mental level where you push yourself and you build more resilience in the body, and you get to do it with cool humans.

SPEAKER_04

That's a key piece. And a beautiful space in nature, which is important.

SPEAKER_00

Um I'll just give you a little sneak peek of our family property here and but essentially, this this is Wellspace, a place where you can come and connect with yourself, each other, and nature. You can find us online at wellspace.co.nz and share that here book. Yeah, for as little as $35 for 75 minutes.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You can meet locals, you can meet people abroad, and so good.

SPEAKER_04

And uh every time I'm in Queenstown, I go because it just it really does, it resets in a different way, but also with what you've created, the vibe is great, the connections are amazing in the conversation, which I think is really important for where we're at in society, and is is yeah, being able to find connection, especially if you're traveling, or if you don't have a lot of yeah, beautiful, like-minded social connection, people that you can have conversations with. It's a space for that.

SPEAKER_00

You can also find us on Instagram as well, well at Wellspace Sauna. And um just just have a look and you'll you'll get a feel of what we're all about.

SPEAKER_04

Yay! Do it, highly recommend. Okay, my friend. Our time for our second recording here is up. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you, Jay. Appreciate you having me back on your lovely podcast.

SPEAKER_04

It's always a pleasure, never a chore. And I will see you soon.