Episode 8: Victor, Not Victim — Faith, Forgiveness, and Finding Your Father

Episode 8 is out now — a conversation on victor vs victim mindset, forgiveness as a daily walk, and finding your heavenly Father when your earthly foundation fails. 

🎵 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/purpose-in-the-pain/id1866616325

🎵 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2cqi1YmIAdLJfc6asLaFQU

 ▶️ Full video: https://www.youtube.com/@purposepain

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

All right. Welcome back, everybody. Uh I don't know where we're exactly at in this uh episode, but uh it's uh just such a fun conversation with Miss Gia Sura Seriano Monzo and Miss Molly Inman. And uh I don't know if y'all were on the last uh episode that we shared, but Miss Gia was telling us about her um her testimony, and uh so we're gonna pick back up on that. So James, who's our executive director, Molly's dad, uh and Gia and some kids were up in Idaho on the um what do we call it?

SPEAKER_03 0:34

On River Time.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

On River Time. And so they do trout fishing and all kinds of stuff up there. Gia gave her life to the Lord there, and then James and his infinite infinite wisdom wants to baptize her in a river in Idaho. Well, that would have been horribly cold.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

Tell us how that worked out.

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Right. So it was June 3rd, 2022. That's the day I gave my life to the Lord, and I'm in Idaho, and I'm just jumping for joy, telling everybody in the church that I gave my life to the Lord. And Mr. Emerald was like, great, let's go. I publicly proclaim that faith right there in the river. And I was like, wait a second, I want to do it at Still Creek amongst all my other peers, my house mom, my the people in my house as well. And so he respected that.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

And so that's they were pivotal.

SPEAKER_03 1:24

Right, right. That's the reason why I got to go onto On River Time. On River Time is where I gave my life to the Lord, but there's so many things that wove into that. Yes, exactly. Yes. And so when you give your life to the Lord, it's not automatically like all your problems are fixed. It's not all cupcakes and rainbows. Absolutely. Like I was saying, it was just a perspective change. Um, he just took off those negative filters and truly gave me the wisdom to see that not all women are out to get me and that they're here to love me. And these women, God-fearing women, women of God, have shown me that, have reconstructed and just rebuilt what I saw of women and shown me that these women are beautiful and accurate representations of the Lord. And so now I'm 16, I'm a fresh Christian, a new believer, and um I go back to Still Creek and I continuing to just go through counseling and therapy, but now I just have this eagerness to learn and to have more of what everybody else has, just the difference that they're set apart in this world, and that's just because they have a relationship with the Lord. And so one thing I always say, part of my testimony, is that I had to leave my earthly father, this man who I idolized, who was this man who stepped up to provide me a stable upbringing away from a just my mom who wasn't a good influence on me, but ultimately he was submissive in that decision to send me away. But what they did thinking that I was gonna go get fixed and be better because I was the one who was wrong, ultimately, like that backfired, and I knew the Lord because of it. Right. So I always say I had to leave my earthly father in order to find my heavenly father, and so that is just such a good, great just uh overview of it that I idolize him so much, but ultimately he failed. But my heavenly father will never fail, that's right, right, and so I'm a young high schooler just battling how to navigate students and everything. Now I'm going in high school and I'm still struggling with like people pleasing and being what other people want to, and it's kind of what I talked about in my graduation speech. My mm-hmm mm-hmm that now I am just this girl in school where everybody is looking up to me, and I just have a lot of I'm just like a success story and they're proud of me, rightfully so. But I'm just getting them into my head of just like pleasing and sometimes compromising my new faith, all for what? The approval of man, to have friends, to be liked in high school, be liked by teachers? No. And so that was also just a process of like fixing my heart posture, like the Lord is just working on me so much and just humbling me, telling me that like I don't have to please man. Ultimately, my actions are to honor him and glorify him and um represent, be an ambassador of him and his love for me. And so that's what I battled in high school of um just um being somebody to my parents who was a mistake, and then to everybody else, I wanted to be something that they can be proud of. And sometimes I was losing who I was, and so just a navigation process. And so um, I would say when I was a senior in high school, when I was giving um my valedictorian speech, I've definitely reached a point where I realized like I'm not living for man no more, not the approval of man, but for the approval of God, and everything else will follow, just refining all aspects of my life, not just a Wednesday night or a Sunday night, but every single day.

SPEAKER_02 5:26

You wish you would have learned this when you were senior?

SPEAKER_03 5:29

Right, right, right. Um kind of leading towards senior year, applying for college, I was like, what am I gonna do? I'm supposed to be graduating at Silk Creek, and the plan was for me to move back to California where my dad and my stepmom was. And because Sill Creek is a long-term placement, so graduation, but they didn't they didn't have any requirements for us to stay after that at the point. So I'm my dad's wanted me to come back, but realistically, what am I going back to? There had been no changes in my relationship with my stepmom, they didn't do any counseling on their part, they don't know the Lord at this point. So, like, why was I gonna go back to a place where I wasn't necessarily wanted? And my community was here. I had built friendships with Molly and my church and Mr. Inman and just still kick in general, like this was my family. May not have been blood, but my family in Christ, my brothers and sisters in Christ. I couldn't say the same for my family there in California. And so I'm a senior, just battling like, where am I gonna go? Do I have a place? And that's when like I was given the opportunity to do launch. And that launch program is so our kids who finish Still Creek as an undergraduate in high school, they have an opportunity to stay at Still Creek, and it's not a goodbye, it's we want to walk alongside you when you're navigating life. And so praise the Lord, I get accepted to Texas AM University. I have a school to go to, and now I have a place to live at as well, and so I don't have to say goodbye for the first time. I don't have to say goodbye after three years. I can continue and maintaining those relationships, and so I stay at the ranch and um I do life, and I'm my major is hospitality, hotel management, and tourism. And so, kind of behind that is kind of who I am today. I've always been moving around, bouncing around, fast-paced life, going, coming and going. I just love that type of industry. I mean, I had to, I learned how to be adaptable and resilient. Um, but I applied to be a hospitality major is because I want to be that one person who, in a new environment, will step out to somebody and make them feel welcome, whether that's for a short-term stay, a weekend, a week, a vacation. So I don't know what it necessarily looks like, but that's what I want to pursue, and that's the passion behind it because the Lord exam exemplified that before us, and that's what he calls us to do. Now, one of my biggest things that I say to our Still Creek kids now is that, and I coined this phrase from Misshante, she's the one who coined it is do you want to be a victor or do you want to be a victim? Everybody has experienced some type of trauma. You can be raised by a loving mother and father and be a victim of the fall of Adam and Eve. Yes. Oh, absolutely. Yes. Right. So you're not unique in that. Some of our Still Creek kids at Still Creek, sometimes we adopt this victimizing mindset, like, woe is me. And yes, understandably, we were coming from crisis situations, but we also had to teach them that you can't stay in that. They're they were putting their identity in it.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

You can't let it define who you are.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

Right, right. And like I was saying before, it's so much more powerful to say, after everything I've been through, this is what I've overcome. Instead of saying, after everything I've been through, this is what happened to me because of it. And so, kind of like I was saying, I want to be these is this example to our kids that look, hey, I was at Silk Creek because of my past, but I learned I'm not a victim, I can be a victor over it. And so that's kind of like what you were asking me before. What is my involvement in Silk Creek? It's just being polite and an example.

SPEAKER_02 9:22

And how did you keep, as I'm listening to your story, yes, ma'am? How did you keep the anger and resentment from your dad and sadly? How did you did you carry that around and then when you were saved, you just felt like that just fell off of you? Or is that something that you you battled and you had to continuously make the choice to walk in that forgiveness?

SPEAKER_03 9:55

The second one continuously walk in forgiveness and make a choice to forgive them. Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Um whether they were sorry or not.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

Exactly, exactly. It took a while to hear that, but at the end, I didn't I didn't hold forgiveness over them. Who am I to withhold forgiveness when we've been given the ultimate forgiveness through Christ? Right. And so it's difficult, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:19

It is your oh absolutely. And you know, I tell people like when you when and even for myself, when you forgive someone, it doesn't automatically all go away. Sometimes you have to forgive that person three or four times a day. And then maybe it might be once or twice a week, and then you may revert back to oh my gosh, I've got to start this all over again. So forgiveness is not something, not all. I mean, I know God can do anything, and there have been some circumstances where uh when I forgave someone, that I was it, but then there's some of those others that were not so easy, and so you you walk in a spirit of forgiveness. And I think some people don't understand that they think, well, I I I thought I had forgiven them. I guess I haven't forgiven. Well, forgiveness is not just a one-time thing, you know, it is over and over and over again. And so I was just kind of wondering if that's kind of what your experience was in that.

SPEAKER_03 11:22

I'd say so, because even in that, I still learned, I was still struggling, and I still had to learn how to um accept women authority. Like I went, I have a lot of great mother figures in my life, may not be my bio mom and may not be my stepmom, but women who have stepped up to play a role in my life. And so with them, that's who I'm learning how to have a healthy relationship, and it's possible, absolutely right. The enemy was so focused on just ripping me apart with a mother, with my stepmom, with my bio mom, because the enemy knows how great a mother and daughter relationship can be and how God honoring it can be. And now I have that with other mother figures, but it's it was so hard. I mean, you can look through my transcripts, like sometimes I was disrespectful in class, and sometimes I I had to be the one saying, I'm so sorry. But that's the thing. I have Christ in me now, I was able to recognize it because the Lord convicted me through that Holy Spirit. He's like, Gia, you're a new person, you're not gonna be going ahead and just disrespecting my daughters. You go ahead and apologize. And so he humbled me in that, and it's a humbling experience to ask for forgiveness. But this is the thing, these women accept gave it to me gracefully and decided to pursue a relationship even then. Now that's not something I can say with my stepmom after I hurt her, she was done, and so but she also didn't have didn't have Christ at her, she didn't understand the forgiveness, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:51

She didn't understand um the things that when you walk with Christ, right? The the perspective of that.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Why do you do it? Right.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

So is that have you been able to share your experiences with your dad and your stepmom?

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Yes, so I have with my dad, and now they are both declaring Christians, but they live in California, so it's a very progressive state. Yeah, it's kind of difficult. So for lack of better words, I just say they're pick and choose. There's some things that they decide to believe in, some things they don't. They're very involved in the LGBTQ, that agenda. Right, right. They go to a church where it's primarily a female pastor, and so like they're just they're Christians, yes, but there's some things that they're lenient on. And so, I mean, I just tell them I just tell my dad, you know, that's that's a hard thing. Right.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

I mean, there's it's as Christians grow, yes. The Holy Spirit has got to bring conviction. Right. There, you know, I was talking to somebody a friend of mine about this the other day, and it's like he was like, Well, how can I get her to believe? And I was like, You can't. There's nothing you can do to get them there. It has to be the Holy Spirit that draws them to Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

The Father. Nobody comes to the Father except for the Father, I mean, to the to the Son except for the Father draw them. So it has to be Him moving in their life in order to bring them. Right. So that that conviction, I guess, has got to come from Him. And then the other part of that is each one of us works our own salvation in fear and trembling. Right. You know, and it's sometimes precept upon precept. And eventually I have faith that if they truly had an experience with the Lord, and He is truly a part of them, and they truly are seeking relationship with Him, that will work its way out.

SPEAKER_04 14:58

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

You know what I mean? So you just have to have faith in that. And and you know, it's that's that's a hard thing too, is not to pass judgment on them in that manner that you're just well, you know, you still have some sort of interaction. Because you can't bring change to anybody if you don't have a relationship with them. Right? I mean, you gotta be able to share the love, and you gotta be able to share the love of Christ. You don't have to condone what they do. So, I mean, those are hard things, right? Really hard things. But I'd encourage you to stay engaged with them. Yes, you know, yes, absolutely. And it's it is cool to hear you say that you're very well aware that you know that they're still working through that, you know, that you're aware that she wasn't able to give you that forgiveness then because she didn't understand it, you know. And quite reasonably she probably still doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

Right, right. And I can be bitter, but I I don't anymore. Right. There's no you're so satisfying in bitterness. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

You you can't move forward. You cannot move forward if you're stuck in the bitterness. And there's so much that God has in store for all of us, and we sometimes get held back by our own bitterness.

SPEAKER_01 16:25

Yeah, I think to me, that's like where we talked about, you know, that you overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of your testimony, and everybody stops there. They don't ever say that they did not love their lives unto death. Right? So that part of that might look like the fact that you're willing to drop it, you know, and move on and let it go and not focus on all the bad and start focused on being a victor.

SPEAKER_04 16:55

Right. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

You know, rather than a victim. Because you know, if you don't want to let go of that, you're not dying to yourself.

SPEAKER_03 17:03

Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

You know, you're not letting that old man go, that old woman go. You know. So you know, and maybe that's a missing link for some of the people in our lives. So they haven't gotten to the point where they're willing to let it go. So they're not ever gonna overcome it until they're willing to die to that part and let it go.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

And a lot of that comes back to that's where they find their identity and and so their identity in Christ because it's fear of the unknown. I know how to deal with this situation, I know how to deal with what I've been through, I know how to bob and weave, I know how to, you know, I know how to do all this. If I let this go and I move into the next phase that God has for me, I don't know how to maneuver this, I don't know how to control this, I do not know how to uh navigate through these waters because I'm so familiar with this back here. And so it is truly a leap of faith to let some of that go. Because I was like, would tell him about my past and stuff. I didn't like it. I didn't like where I was, but I knew how to live there. And then I come into this new life, and I don't, I don't know, it's foreign to me. It's a foreign language to me. And we literally were married, and I would look at him and be like, You like me? I'm like, Do you like me? Like, do you love me? Like, because I couldn't wrap my head around it, you know. And um, he'd be like, Are you crazy? I married you. I was like, Well, I know, you know, and so it was took a long time to understand that because this is what I was used to back here, you know, and so now I was just teasing, like even with my mom yesterday. I was like, what happened to this strong, independent woman, tough person that I was? I was like, it's Tony's fault. Because I just shifted it all over to him. So so whenever you said about your dad, you think that he had been used to parenting it for so long that when somebody came along that he was like not realizing what that might be in the future. And as for me too, I'm realizing that yes, I need to let him carry some of those things for me and to help me with it. You know, because I was so years and years of me and so that way, and I knew that I just passed it all over and now I feel like the Lord's like, okay, I gave you time to get that like that because I got things for you to do. Okay, you know, but I'm obedience. Exactly, exactly. So it was like I said, um, I was telling my mom yesterday, I was like, and then God's called me to a certain thing that I would never thought that I would do this before ever in my life. And I was like, I I am not gonna be disobedient. I may be a little rebellious, a little hesitant, a little resistant, you know, and and you know, that rebellious part of me may kind of rare, I think you had a little bit here, but I will not be disobedient. So um that's yeah, that's a that's a whole thing there.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

So your dad and your mom were they really close before she got into the drugs and growing up, I how they met was that he met my his best friend was my mom's brother. So like he was like part of the family, and then met my stepmom or met my mom, and then also knew my stepmom. So like he knew my stepmom growing up too, and knew my Well for Spine that moved around a whole lot.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

He sure did not uh get out of the family very much, right? Do you not meet those people anywhere else?

SPEAKER_03 21:31

My thoughts exactly, like, you married into the same family, like he must have attempted to do something over and over again. Right, right. Now, here's the thing I am able to pray for them and look over them. Used I used to be bitter. I used to want, I used to yearn for a family, and then here they were doing family things that you want my stepmom, my stepbrothers, my dad was a stepfather, but apparently that. Transition was just fine. And so I'm like, why is it me? Why am I the black sheep of the family? And I've so many times I unfortunately thought, like, I just want them to get divorced. I just want my dad. I just want it to be um just him and I again. But then my stepmom and my dad have two children together, my half siblings. They have my stepbrothers. And now I'm old enough and I have the wisdom enough to understand, like, they lost so many relationships being together. But they're together and they've made it through so much that I mean, who am I to? I should, I don't hate on it anymore. I bless, I want my dad to be happy. He's gonna be with somebody for the rest of his life. Eventually, I'm gonna grow up and maybe marry somebody. And I can't just be with my dad my whole life. And so I want him to be happy. And so this was kind of a perspective I wasn't able to have, but now I can. Now he can be a father for my half siblings, my step siblings, and she can be they at least my siblings know a stable mother and father. They have their parents are together. I can't say that for myself. My stepbrothers can't say that for themselves either. But our half siblings, they can, and I'm happy for them for that. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes I wish that they were divorced at that time. I wish they were divorced, but now I realize they're together and they're gonna raise those two kids well. And I just pray so much for my dad to just step into that role of being the man of the house because a woman's not built to take all of that burden and tell her how broad. She tries to, but that's why I mean I think that's why she's she's probably struggling too. And so I just pray for my dad to be the man that she need my stepmom needs her to be, needs him to be, and to take care of that family. And so I may not be really in that family anymore, but I can still pray and bless over it. And that's huge.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

I mean, that's especially with you being at such a young age, just learning those things now is just is just huge. I mean, I'm 53 years old and I'm still, you know, trying, if I'd have learned those things back then, life might have been, you know, a little bit different. And and then as you were, as you were talking and talking about your dad and everything, um, and I know I probably will not be able to convey it the way that I'm seeing it in my head, but I'm often I'm wondering um if that is one reason that you were able to get so close to the Lord so fast, is because you long for that father figure and he is your father. And is that how because I'm listening to your story and I'm like, I've grown up in church my whole entire life and and love Jesus with everything that I have, and I always and I always have, but I had a wonderful earthly father, which I always said that my earthly father truly was a reflection of Christ's love to me. Um but um wondering like would I be much closer if there was that void, and maybe that's kind of what I'm saying. So, and I think it's so beautiful, and just to to listen to it and to hear and to to see it on your face is so beautiful, and so as painful as that is to not have that relationship that you wanted with your earthly father, which I believe is still going to happen because God never ever takes anything away from us, He never takes anything away from us. There may be a separation, there may be so that He can show you and teach you and grow you and love you the way that you deserve to be loved and that you need to be loved. And when the time is right, He will bring those things back full circle and there'll be a healing because that's what our God does, He heals and He restores. And there's no doubt in my mind that that will happen for you. But right now, He's wanting He's wanting to give you and and has been, and you know that. Yes, but that relationship, that fatherly relationship that is that you have with Him that is so strong, yes Would it have been that way? Had you continued to stay, you know what I know what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

I can't convey it the way that Um No, I when you were starting to say, I was like, I I've never been able to put that together, and I think it's true, I think it's true because ultimately all these things I would have never known led me to him. Right. I've never had trouble with father figures. I've always loved um, you know, my dad so much. And even when I meant went to Still Creek, I was very nice to my my house dad and my male teachers and Mr. Inman. I love Mr. Inman, like another dad. And then I think I was hurt because my dad failed me. Right. And I yes, I think that's why I'm just so all in and to the Lord because he never fails me. And it's not to highlight like my dad will never measure it, but he isn't the Lord, like he isn't God, he will never be what the Lord is to me. And so I really do think that I mean he weaves my weaved my story so intricately so that I can have this relationship with him. Right, I definitely agree, and I've never made that connection before until today, and so it's because of that that's why I have such a great relationship with him. So thank you for helping me make that connection.

SPEAKER_01 27:46

I want to shift things just a little bit and then we'll come back to that. Yeah, but I won't press on Molly. So you know you got an incredible. James is one of my most favorite controlled. And he's seeing from the outside. I don't know the right way. You had to share him. And you had to see him struggle with the weight. And has there ever been any times where you felt distant or held away from him or resentful for that in any way?

SPEAKER_00 28:56

So I will say like whenever I first came to the ranch, very first, I came in fourth grade, so I was around nine years old, I had kind of the kid jealousy in a way.

SPEAKER_04 29:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

Um, but I would say that over time I kind of I think the Lord was just very quick to help me start understanding kind of how that worked with my dad being able to help so many other kids. Um, just kind of what we were talking about earlier, just the power of his presence. Um, but then he also goes the extra mile of he loves the Lord so much, and he's able to love the kids out of that love. And I think once I realized, and it was later that I made the connection and got serious about my faith, but just being able to see that it was a mission field, and that even for like me, it was my mission field as well. And it took me a while to learn that. And I think that in some ways that Still Creek ministered to me about who the Lord was. And I mean, Gia got to watch that process in real time a lot too. In my later years, was actually learning how to trust the Lord and what it meant to actually have a relationship with him because I had always known that we were at Still Creek for the purpose of furthering his kingdom, but I didn't have that personal relationship. And later I got to learn that, and that's also when I would say that my relationship with my dad was even deepened even further because I've always been so close with my dad, but I think once I started to understand truly the love of the Lord and why we served him, I was able to see my dad in even that different kind of lens, and I was able to see why he was such a good father was because he reflected the father and um getting to share him with other kids now. I it's one of my I was actually just talking to Gia about this the other day. We were in the car and it was after boots and bling. It was after boots and bling, and y'all honored him um with the the gift, and I had literally just told her, I was like, it's just amazing to me that I was blessed with such a good family and with such amazing parents who don't just claim to be Christians, but who follow through with that and they live it in their everyday life and that they genuinely love the Lord so much and that they've led me in what that looks like, even when you're at home and no one else sees that. And and then I wrapped that statement up with saying, and I'm so glad that I get to share him with all of y'all. Because, and Gia even kind of said she was like, she was like, I don't mean this in any like she was like not in like a the wrong way, she was like, but he reminds me so much of the love of the Lord. She was like, he's just like in an earthly like example of what it like looks like to have like a dad who cares so much about everyone, and um, I just I agree so much with that. And he's him and my mom, they've just contributed so much to my faith and getting to grow up alongside just people like Gia and getting to see their stories and seeing how the Lord works in just so many amazing ways. It's just so beautiful. And just kind of like circling back to Gia, um, like I've seen her grow so much in um like ministering to people. Like we were talking about earlier, how she likes to share her testimony with literally like anyone. But then further than that, I've seen her grow and being able to share with her family. And even in the way that she just lives now, they can see the difference in the way that she lives her life. And whether they attribute that to who the Lord is, and whether they attribute it to her being following the correct like way, like they might think she's going down the wrong path, but like she's not. Right. And like, like just hearing the interactions that she has with her family, she's so like confident in the faith that she has, and she's grown so much in just seeing that as her mission field as well. Right. Um, because she's starting to have such a heart for missions and getting to share her faith with other people. But she that kind of started with her seeing that her family was were people that she could minister to about her faith. And I just think that's so beautiful. Like she's one of the reasons, too, of just getting able to see how the Lord works in people's lives and makes radical transformations. Right. Because I look, I look back to when I was a senior in high school and she was a junior in high school, and her and I were completely different people, completely different people than who we are now, and getting to just see how the Lord has worked through that, and then kind of like circling back to my dad, just how we have faithful people pouring into us, showing us what it actually looks like to follow the Lord and not just being, oh, I'm a Christian, yeah, not just service. You know, I go to church on Sundays, and you know, just that genuine faith. And now we're getting to walk through college together and what it looks like to live out our faith there, and it's it's it's been amazing.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

Yeah, I think that's a a good stop point for us to take a break, and then when we come back, let's let's dive into how y'all got so close and maybe talk through some of that. Um, if y'all would like uh in in the audience to support Steel Creek, I would urge you to go to uh Steelcreekranch.org and look us up there. Um there's ways that you can give and not just monetarily. Uh you can give monetarily, you can give voluntary, you can give by being a career uh team. Um you can sign up for our newsletter. I would encourage you to go do that. Stillcreakranch.org, look us up.