Vulture Facade - Episode 2

Vulture Facade is a fictional series broken into short episodes. It is inspired by the idea that sometimes we can create an identity for ourselves and attach to it as a form of protection to the outside world.

Episode 2 looks at how the character Lola discovers the identity she is creating.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You are listening to Serena Grassa Podcast. This is episode two of a series called Vulture Facade. Please remember to follow the podcast to get notifications about future episodes.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

All of you guys need to look at the facade you are creating and why before you can leave here. It was intelligent for you to create facades as a form of protection, but if you start to forget the facade was something you created and not your true self, then this becomes a problem. Lola, let's start with you. You are about to start wearing a mask, a mask of a busy person that has no free time. Do you know what I'm talking about?

SPEAKER_03 0:50

I was thinking about going back to work. Yes. So I would be busy then. It wouldn't be a lie, I wouldn't be pretending. I would actually be very busy. What is wrong about that? I can be busy if I want to.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

But that is the thing. You didn't want to be busy, did you?

SPEAKER_03 1:10

If I'm not busy, I'm going to end up babysitting for free. I don't want to do that. If I have free time, that is what will happen.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Why is that going to happen?

SPEAKER_03 1:20

Because my niece will see that I'm off work and that I'm home, so I'll have to babysit as I'm the only one that can do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

How about we go back to when you first felt this way? You were the eldest of four siblings, right? You had to care for your younger siblings while your mother worked.

SPEAKER_03 1:39

Yes, I had to. My mother was at work. She was a single mother. I was the eldest. Someone had to prepare the school lunches, iron the uniforms, make sure the kids got out the door on time. My mother had to leave home at 7 o'clock each day, so she couldn't do it. It wasn't her fault, though. Someone had to put food on the table or we would have starved. She had to work. We had nobody else.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

You wore a mask of a reliable, responsible child, someone who is accepting.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

Well, I had no choice, did I?

SPEAKER_00 2:15

At that time you didn't, but now you do. You are still that reliable, accepting person who doesn't complain. You don't need to wear that mask anymore or be that person. What happens is when you identify too much with your facade, it starts to hurt you. Let me explain it to you like this. If you go back to work, you will be effectively throwing away your free time so neither you nor your niece can make use of it. She will be fine. She will find someone else to babysit, but you will have lost your free time. Imagine you are a child and you have a toy, but another child tries to take it from you, so you throw it away. That way neither of you can play with it. That is exactly what you are doing. What do you think a child could do in this situation instead of throwing their toy away?

SPEAKER_03 3:12

They could just say no to the other kid, say it's their toy and they want to play with it.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

Exactly. That is, is what you need to do with your free time. The free time is yours. You have every right to keep it for yourself.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

I get it. I really get it now. I was just finding it so hard though. I just felt like I couldn't say no, that I won't babysit, and I'm going to spend my free time doing nothing instead. That sounds so irresponsible and selfish. Maybe if I explained better what I would be doing with my free time, that would be better. Like, if I showed a productive use of my time.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

No, you don't need to do that. You just need to say no. You don't need to explain why.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

I genuinely feel so uncomfortable about doing that though.

SPEAKER_00 4:05

That's because you have become so attached to wearing your mask of a reliable person, you started young. You can and you need to separate yourself from this idea of yourself now, though, as it is no longer serving you. You don't have to be the reliable one anymore. There are more options out there now. Someone else can be her.

SPEAKER_03 4:29

I can't believe I was actually going to throw away my free time as a way of defending it. Now, when I think about it, it seems so silly. I just couldn't seem to see that before, though.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

That's because it was so deep-seated in you to be the reliable, helpful good girl for so long. You are not her anymore, though, and you don't have to be.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

You are so right. I don't have to be. Maybe I can suggest my niece use daycare and look up the prices for her and how it works. There might be some grants available to her as she doesn't have a lot of money. That is why she was asking me. That way, if she has a daycare to use, we will both be happy. I will still have my free time, and she will have childcare.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

You are doing it again, Lola.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

Doing what?

SPEAKER_00 5:20

Being the responsible one. You don't need to do that for her. You are just feeling like you do, as this is difficult for you at first.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

Oh gosh, I see. How embarrassing. I'm like an old dog trying to do new tricks. It's so difficult to break the pattern of my old way of thinking.

SPEAKER_00 5:40

You can, though, and you will, now that you can see it.

SPEAKER_03 5:44

You know, I'd like to go back now and be this new me. I'm excited to be. And I'm ready. I even feel like a weight has been lifted from me. Alright then. It was nice to meet you, Benny and Clarissa. I wish you the best.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

Best wishes too, Lola.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Yes, best of luck, Lola. It was nice to meet you.

SPEAKER_00 6:08

Goodbye, Lola. Just remember, it wasn't the babysitting that you struggled to refuse. It was the idea that your time belonged to you without explanation.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

Oh, remember? Thank you. Bye, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

Lola was back in her living room again. She picked up her phone and dialed her niece.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Hello. Hi, it's Lola.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Are you okay? It's late.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Oh, yes, I'm fine. I've had to think about your request for me to babysit. I answered at the time without thinking it through, but actually, I won't be able to help you with it. It's not something I'm willing to do.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

Oh, okay then. I guess I'll sort something else out.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Yes, do that.

SPEAKER_02 6:57

You've been listening to episode two of Vulture Facade series. Remember to follow Serena Grassa podcast to receive notifications about future episodes.