Vulture Facade - Episode 3

Vulture Facade is a fictional series broken into three short episodes. It is inspired by the idea that sometimes we can create a false identity for ourseles and attach to it as a form of protection to the outside world. 

In episode 3, which is the final episode in the series, characters Benny and Clarissa discover how their facades are hurting them.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You are listening to Serena Grassa podcast. This is episode three of a series called Vulture Facade.

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Who wants to go next then? Benny, how about you?

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Sure, I could use the help. I've tried to apply what I've learned from Lola's journey to my own life, but I'm at a loss. I really don't see how her story applies to mine.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

Don't worry, it's not easy to see your facade. It's much easier to see it in someone else. That's why I sometimes tell people to imagine they are watching their life play out from afar. Imagine they are looking down on themselves in the world from above, and ask them to describe what they see. How about we take that approach with you?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Okay, let's give it a shot.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Great. Believe it or not, I've got a crystal ball here to help us.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

You gotta be kidding me? I'm not into that woo-woo kind of stuff. I'm a numbers kind of guy. I like working with mathematics and probabilities.

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Well, how about we blend the crystal ball with some probabilities then? Would you be up for that? Well, okay, you've swayed me then. Let's try it. I'm going to show you probable versions of yourself. Take the ball in your two hands and tell me what you see.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

It's me on my computer late at night. I'm monitoring the Asian Stock Exchange. I'm trying to make some extra profit to gain back the money I lent to my younger sister. Was it really a loan? No, not technically. She doesn't pay me back ever. What do you see now? It's my sister in a fancy cocktail bar with her friends on the same night I gave her the money.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Why isn't she the one working late into the night trying to earn back the money?

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Oh, she's clueless about investing. She wouldn't know the first place to start. I've been studying for years. I'm an expert, but it took me a long time and a lot of costly mistakes. I put hours and hours into it. It's something I'm really passionate about.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Are you still passionate about it, though? I know you used to be, but is it true that you still are?

SPEAKER_01 2:13

To be honest, no, not really. I just feel irritated these days when I'm on my computer working. I keep thinking about all the money my sister is spending recklessly and how she isn't showing any signs of becoming a responsible adult. I mean, if I was gone, what would she do? I am her brother, but I'm much older than her. I won't be around forever to support her.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

The irritation is actually a healthy sign. It doesn't feel like it. Yes, because it means that you are already aware that this facade you have created is no longer working. What facade though? You have created a facade of being the provider. At first it felt good. You enjoyed helping her. Now though, it's starting to cost you. I'm not just talking about money here. It's costing you your energy, focus, and even your passion. You said it yourself. These days you don't feel passionate about investing.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

You're right, I used to feel so excited about my investment. I loved long-term thinking. Now I just feel resentment most of the time. It's like I intuitively know any profit I make will get spent recklessly by my sister. At the same time, I know I need to help her, though.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

There it is, right there. What is two conflicting beliefs. On one hand, you have the belief that you must help her. On the other hand, you have the belief that helping her is harming you. By constantly stepping in, you are preventing her from managing her future. Meanwhile, you are becoming more and more irritated. You now associate any profit you make from investing with loss because you know that it will get lost in the hands of your sister. You need to listen to the inner voice of irritation and make a change. That's what it's signaling you to do. You are not actually responsible for her future, but you have taken it on as if it is your responsibility.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Doing that is costing you your peace. I can see you are right, and what you are saying makes sense, but I just don't know how to go forward at this point. I really believe she won't be able to survive financially on her own.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

That is because your identity of provider is very strong. You've got to accept that it's no longer serving you, though. I do accept that. I want to show you something. It's another probability for you. Take a look at the crystal ball.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

It's me sitting alongside my sister teaching her how to invest. She looks happy and I seem really passionate about investing again. Now what do you see? It's her sitting alone working on a budget spreadsheet. Oh wow, I really can't believe it.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Believe it, Benny. The probability is there. Now it's up to you. Clarissa, how about we take a look at your situation?

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Yes, please. Because I'm really at my wit's end. I don't know how to help myself.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

I can see that. You are perhaps the most concerning of all three people. Really? Yes, concerning, because you were about to burn the shop you work in down.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Hearing you say that now makes me feel absolutely mortified. But yeah, I really was having thoughts about the place burning down. I just felt so furious. I couldn't seem to see the light. I was so sick and tired of unhelpful people and being taken advantage of.

SPEAKER_02 6:01

You were suffering from stress, and it was prolonged stress that can cause people to do crazy things. Sadly for you, you were not just dealing with one vulture, you were dealing with many. That's why you couldn't seem to see the light, and the amount of stress was really taking its toll on you. But here is what I need you to see. The world doesn't have to be like that. You were attracting this sort of person into your life. Your belief was so strong about how people are users, how they take advantage, how they take advantage of people like you who work hard that you kept attracting these people and then reinforcing the belief. You built a facade since you were young of a person who works hard, works diligently, a person who is honest. But over time you formed a belief along with this facade that people who work hard and work honestly get taken advantage of. We now need to tackle that facade you formed and challenge your belief. Only by doing that can you change the reality around you.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Got it, so no fires then?

SPEAKER_02 7:21

No fires. How about we start with something specific? Let's take a look at what you would normally do when too many urgent category items come into you.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

I would normally work late to finish them all, skip my lunch, work at an uncomfortably fast pace that I can't maintain physically without suffering pain.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

But it's not your fault when too many urgents get accepted that need to be turned around in less than 24 hours, so why were you taking responsibility for it?

SPEAKER_00 7:56

I don't know. I guess I felt if I was to do my job honestly, that is what it entails.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

That's exactly where you were going wrong. How about you start back to your job with the following attitude? To do my job honestly, I shouldn't take responsibility for other people's wrongdoing. You work your scheduled hours only, you take your breaks, and you work at a pace that is not going to cause you pain later. Anything more than that needs to be classed as dishonesty because you are being dishonest to yourself. Do you see what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Yeah, I do. You know, I never looked at it like that before.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

All it takes for you is to start with a small change like that. You will then start emitting a new energy, one that doesn't attract vultures, and I can promise you that your surroundings will start to change and align with your new energy.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

I definitely feel like I can start with a small change like that. I'm actually looking forward to seeing the reactions of my work colleagues. The shock might kill them.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

I'm also looking forward to see how you get on with this, Clarissa, and you too, Benny. Well, I guess it's time for you two to leave this fictional podcast and go back to your real lives. I hope you've learned something here. Goodbye, all right.