The Tandem pt.1

Welcome back to episode 5 of The Full Story Podcast. This time around, we discuss what healthy friendships look like and how they are essential to the formation of God's people. This will be part 1 of a 2-part episode. Enjoy!

John 15:12-17

Transcript

SPEAKER_06 0:00

Hey everybody, my name is Alex. And I'm Jagger. And you're listening to the Full Story Podcast. Here we share stories of faith, struggle, and redemption that reveal God's story through us.

SPEAKER_07 0:10

And as you listen to these episodes, we hope they bless you in a time to pause and reflect with the Lord. If you haven't already, please follow us at the Full Story Pod on Instagram to stay up to date on what's new. Also, feel free to subscribe to whatever platform you listen to us on to get notified when we post an episode. We hope you enjoy, and this is the Full Story Podcast.

SPEAKER_06 0:28

Peace. Hey, what's going on, Full Story Fam? We're back. Episode five of our podcast. We'll figure out the name of it. Maybe Friendships, Question Mark, Jennifer. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. We'll see. But we got some special guests with us here today. We're super excited to introduce them and let them uh yeah, just share a little bit about their story. But before, I'm going to pray for us and then we're going to hop right into it. Alright, so Jesus, thank you so much for this opportunity to just continue to record a podcast. I never would have thought in my lifetime that this would have been something that I would have done. So Jesus, it's been it's been a journey, it's been an adventure, it's been exciting, it's been fun, it's been difficult. But Jesus, I know that you have been present and working in us and through us and wherever the podcast goes, whoever has ever listened. I'm just super grateful uh for their feedback, for the things they've shared, for the way that it's impacted them. And Jagger and I both know that it's not us. But Jesus, it is your Holy Spirit that has been operating in and through us and just sharing stories of how you have uh just impacted our lives, redeemed it. Uh just the things that you've done. Um that we just got to be real and honest and where we've been at and how it's been difficult uh and how life just throws you curveballs. And and you know, we've just been able to create a platform where uh we're able to just uh express and and uh show where Jesus has been. So uh Lord, I pray for our guests. I pray that their hearts would be settled, that you would fill their mouth with your words um, and and man, I just pray for wherever this podcast goes that it would just fall on the hearts of uh where it needs to, and that they uh would have ears to hear what you might want to use this to speak to them. So we thank you, we love you, Jesus. In your name we pray. Amen. Alright. We got Kate and Sarah as our guests.

SPEAKER_05 2:31

We'll put a little like in there.

SPEAKER_06 2:35

Um so actually I'm gonna let Sarah go first. Introduce yourself, Sarah. Um yeah, just tell us a little bit about yourself. You can share a little bit of your story.

SPEAKER_04 2:44

Well, my name is Sarah. I feel like I'm talking to y'all, but like you already know my story, so I'm like, we all know how I grew up and do both.

SPEAKER_06 2:53

Talk to us and talk to the people.

SPEAKER_04 2:55

Yeah, my name is Sarah, and I uh currently a resident too uh with South Tech South Texas Youth for Christ. I serve at City Life Middle School, which has been right where I've been for two years, so that's been awesome. I uh grew up in a Christian household. I grew up like with pastors all around me all the time. My parents were pastors, so it was always just like going to church and going to church and going to more church. Um my church, Freedom Life Center, best family. Um so yeah, I I was at church like 24-7. I loved it though. I loved every part of church. Um I was like serving kids as a kid, so that was a lot of fun. I was in nursery, like serve I like I was like seven years old with babies, but I loved it. Like I maybe I shouldn't say that right. Um I just loved like serving, and then I moved up to doing lyrics, so working in production, yeah, pro presenter queen. And then I started like greeting on the uh like greeting team, and I was just like trying to find every like every possible ministry to be in. Um and I knew that I I come from a musical family, so I knew that like I wanted to like be involved in like music somehow. I just didn't really know how.

SPEAKER_06 4:19

Um did you ever want to speak?

SPEAKER_04 4:21

Huh?

SPEAKER_06 4:22

Did you ever want to preach?

SPEAKER_04 4:24

I I wanted to do I remember telling my dad one time, I wanted to do what my mom did. My mom did like the announcements and like transition, and I was like, whatever she's doing, like that's what I want to do. Um but now she passed her, so we'll see.

SPEAKER_07 4:38

Maybe I've thought about it.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

She has a teacher gift.

SPEAKER_07 4:43

Facts.

SPEAKER_04 4:45

I am killer on welcome, actually. Anyway. I got to I got to middle school and going into high school. I hated middle school. Like I just hated, like, I hated every part of it. I was really involved in orchestra. I didn't want to do choir, but I knew I could sing good. Um, and I just like I was always around like bad friends, and I knew that they were bad. I just didn't know how to like I didn't know what to do about it. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go to a totally different high school where I'm just gonna like have a different friends. And so I did. I went to Health Careers High School here in San Antonio, and it was like the highlight, like I loved high school because I just found like different friends, and we were all understanding of each other's like cultures and backgrounds. So that's where like I really grew. And I also knew going into like eighth grade, going into ninth grade that my faith had to like had to change in a way, and I didn't know what exactly it was until um my freshman year. I went to a YFC camp, and this was like the first retreat that I got invited to by my brothers. So they had been going to YFC retreats for a long time. They were helping on the worship team, and I thought I was going to help on the worship team, but little did I know I was going as an actual camper. So I went in like knowing no one, like absolutely no one, and all these crazy people are just coming up to me.

SPEAKER_05 6:05

Wait, I'm not singing.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

Yeah, no, literally. Um, and I had been to retreats before. I had already like been baptized, but I was just like, I don't know, maybe this'll maybe this will like ignite something. And it really did. I had this uh this is something I'll never forget, but I had this vision of like all of these kids walking to our club. I think we were walking to dinner and then walking to club, and um, it was like after Messi Games, and I just saw all of these kids like who were so down to like love Jesus and know him that I was like wow this is what I've been missing my entire life. Like I've never had community and friends who are on the same page, like friends, yeah. I've never had like and you would think she grows up, she grows up grows up in a Christian household, like grows up around Christian friends, but it was always just like so surface level, and I just didn't like that. So that is where I really grew, like in my Christian friendships with a few of the girls that I was going to campus with or like our club with. Um and so from there, like that's where my faith was really growing, and I was like, okay, going I'm going to Bible study, I'm going to club every Monday, I'm going to our youth group. Um I'm starting to sing on the worship team now, and so I was really understanding like what it meant to live a godly lifestyle. And then and then my um junior year going into my senior year that summer. Um both of my parents get sick with COVID. And um I'm expecting them to like fully heal and like recover because it was kind of like it wasn't like a a big it was a big deal. It was a big obviously it was a pandemic, but it's a year after, so I'm like, well, there's like better medications and stuff like that. But my mom, they were both admitted into the hospital, and then my dad went into ICU and then my mom got out of the hospital, and then for 21 days, my dad was um like intubated, so we had no communication with him. And on July 3rd, 2021, he passed away and went into his heavenly home with his father. And um that is like where my life like completely switched, and I was like, man, all of this work and going to Bible studies and having these godly friendships and going to church, like, and you still didn't. I was like, God, you still didn't like answer anyone's prayer that he would be healed. And so I kind of put myself in a little hole, and I wasn't going, I wasn't doing anything YFC, I wasn't going to clubs, and I was just focusing on graduating because I could barely focus on my grades at that point. And so after I graduated, I started going to UTSA, Birds Up. And then um I got in me and my brother got invited, me and my brothers actually got invited to Benji and Jacob. Shut up, Benji and Jacob. Love them. Um, love them a lot. We got invited this time now, all three of us to go lead worship at a middle school retreat.

SPEAKER_06 9:08

And um this is uh what what what camp is that?

SPEAKER_04 9:11

That was at HEB camp.

SPEAKER_07 9:14

Uh is this where you opened with the Harry Styles song?

SPEAKER_04 9:18

Yeah, as it was. Yeah, no, it's not they sang a Harry Styles song. Yeah, they would like have us like sing a secular song at the beginning. One year they did passion fruit, and I was like, this is insane.

SPEAKER_05 9:31

That's great.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

Passion fruit has in Hello? Yeah. They're kind of familiar with that music, and then we would go into like worship music. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 9:44

That's just fun.

SPEAKER_04 9:45

It was fun. I like that. Um so we went and I was like, yeah, this is cool. Like, I don't really miss anything about YFC. And then they invited us back the next year in 2023 for the high school retreat. Um, and I was like baffled. I was completely baffled because the same vision that I saw at my first YFC retreat as a high schooler or as a freshman, I saw those same like kids, I guess same students that I was with. I s now saw them serving and I saw them like a part of the serving team on the other end. I was like, huh. Seeing the same thing here. Like I'm seeing I'm seeing the parallels between these two. I'm seeing things. Um and so I I literally saw that. I went back to my cabin and I was like, okay, Lord. I sat down on my bunk and I was like, if you think I'm ready for a community like this, if you think I it's time for me to start serving and time for me to step into something like this, like I I need like I need like something, like I need I need something to hold on to.

SPEAKER_06 10:47

You were so you were really like struggling, like after your dad passing with engaging with like a community with people, and you really had like an arms distance.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

Yeah, because I remember Well for YFC specifically, my church was different because they what mean we all lost like our pastor, so they understood, like and I think at that time the Lord was sending like some young adults our way that had already known my dad, and so for them it was like they were losing, like they we were all like understanding of where you were at.

SPEAKER_06 11:20

Yeah, because I remember seeing you at at that camp and you I was just like I mean it's cool, like she can seem good and everything. Yeah, but you just seem very like seemed good, yeah, just like real distant from every everybody, didn't want to talk to nobody.

SPEAKER_04 11:33

It's because I was like, I'm just not I'm not there anymore. Right.

SPEAKER_06 11:36

But that was what, 2023? So probably like uh around a year or coming up on a year of of your dad's you know passing. Because you said 22, right? Or 21? Twenty one. Couple years, sorry.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

Yeah, it was yeah, it was like two years after.

SPEAKER_06 11:49

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

So I was like, okay, went back to my cabin, I prayed, and I literally could do not 20 um, I guess LITs or residents, whatever they were at the time. Like 20 people came up to me and they're like, hey, like, are you joining the LIT program, the leadership and training program? One of them was Jagger, yes. Um, and I was just like, I don't, I don't know. Like it was like, why LP this? Why LP that?

SPEAKER_07 12:14

You were like, no, I don't want to. Carmen went up to you.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

Okay, actually, no, Carmen all. Carmen didn't. I know Jagger did. Remember Anthony? Anthony did come up to me.

SPEAKER_07 12:23

Um Andrea and Richard, I'm sure, went up to you.

SPEAKER_04 12:26

Andrea and Richard for sure were like, are you gonna do it? Sabrina was like, are you gonna are you thinking about it? Um, there were other people that yeah, there were other people that came up to. I just, yeah. So I couldn't remember though.

SPEAKER_06 12:41

I'm sure there was more.

SPEAKER_04 12:42

Oh yeah, there was plenty more. And it was like, was Sam still there? Yes, Sam was there. Right? Your friend Sam? No, Sam the LIT.

unknown 12:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 12:52

Yeah, because I was in LIT that year, so it was Sam and Mia who were.

SPEAKER_04 12:55

Oh, and Mia. But I wasn't really like close to them. But are they in that little crew?

unknown 13:00

Hey, hey, hey.

SPEAKER_04 13:01

Yeah, it was like Dre and Richard were a part of that group. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 13:04

But I remember even like during games, I saw like the worship team like standing uh kind of far away. And I think we had talked previously. I think me and Sarah had talked previously, and so I was like, Well, I have an in with the band, so let me like go see if they're down playing games. So I was like, hey Sarah, like you down to like play messy games or like throw water or like something? And she goes, Oh, I don't know. I don't I don't think so. She was like, I can talk to them to see if they're down, and I was like, Okay.

SPEAKER_04 13:36

Well, okay, little does he know well, like like I just was dying during that retreat, right? I was I was not okay. Like my voice was completely gone. I was so distraught. But little does he know, I I remember this now. I was following the LA2 group around the entire camp. Like everything that they were doing, I was doing on top of worship. If they were setting up messy games, I was also setting up messy games, and that's what that was like my first like prompting, like, okay, like let me go, let me go see what's going on here. Um, so anyway, I at that same retreat I went up to Carmen and I was like, hey, and I didn't I wasn't the biggest fan of Carmen because that's my sister. I wasn't the biggest fan of her. Um but because like as a student I I knew of her and I just I don't know, like I just there was no like I'm glad you introduced yourself because I didn't know this. I went up to her and I was like, hey literally in a closet. Um we were like in a closet and I was like, hey, do you I was like, do you think I could be an LAT? And she was like, yeah, I do think.

SPEAKER_03 14:40

Nah, you're not eligible.

SPEAKER_04 14:43

She was like, yeah, I think you can be an LAT. So then I like got her number, whatever, and we like she didn't she like bothered me every day after that. Um yeah, and from there I joined the LAT program. Literally, joined the LAT program, um, hardest year of my life, and then that's a lie, actually. It was a hard year, but it was a good year. And then I was like, Well, what's next? And I was sitting at a worship night that we have at EutherChrist, and uh the Lord is like, Well, the next step is residency, and I was like, No, it's not.

SPEAKER_07 15:15

It's praying for the next step is not being what it is, and you said hi again.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

Literally, and so I uh I joined the residency program and I was like, Well, we'll see if they want me back. So I came back for a sec here, and this is where I'm at.

SPEAKER_06 15:31

Dude. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Didn't want to be on the city.

SPEAKER_04 15:35

And along the way, I made some great friends.

SPEAKER_06 15:37

Some besties. Some besties. Some besties even. We'll get into the besties story. Well, thank you, Sarah. Kate, introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about yourself.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Hello, everybody. My name's Kate. Hi. Hi. I don't go by Kate Shystee anymore, but Alex always calls me Kate Shyste.

SPEAKER_06 15:56

Oh, did I just introduce you as Shystee? No.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

But I was just like remembering prior. I was like, Yeah, anyways. Um, I'm the youngest out of this group of people. I'm 21. And drop your age, go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 16:09

Oh yeah, I don't say my age. I just turned 22, like 24 months ago. 22. No, I just turned 22 two months ago.

SPEAKER_06 16:16

24 months ago?

SPEAKER_04 16:17

A month ago, actually.

SPEAKER_06 16:19

Oh, two to four. You said 24. Cool. You're 22, Jagger. How old are you? Jagger. I'm 24. Yeah, me too. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Alright, okay, go for it.

SPEAKER_07 16:28

25, fully 25.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

And then, okay. Um yeah, I'm bilingual too, so you might hear me throw some Spanish in there. Fura rasa! Can I hear Fura Rasa, please? Alright, anyways. Uh my story is pretty opposite to Sarah's, but there's some similarities, you know? Um, I grew up in a immigrant household, so both of my parents were immigrants. Um and we actually grew up like knowing the faith, but it was through the Catholic Church. So I just remember like watching my mom and dad like um be super involved with the church, especially my mom. She would be the one that would like really encourage it. And we had an amazing community. Um, but this was all taking place in Austin, so I was born in Austin, everybody. Not Mexico.

SPEAKER_06 17:23

Um sorry, I would shout out any other city. No?

unknown 17:27

No, not Austin.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Why?

SPEAKER_06 17:29

For me, for me, sorry. I'm sorry. Keep going.

SPEAKER_00 17:31

Okay. Anyways. Where's Caceres at San Antonio? Like Health Career San Antonio. Should I restart?

SPEAKER_06 17:39

No, you're good.

SPEAKER_04 17:42

So like we're saying the entire thing.

SPEAKER_07 17:45

No, it just meant like he won't shout out Austin because he doesn't like Austin.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

Oh.

SPEAKER_06 17:52

It doesn't matter. Sorry, I'm so sorry. I cut you off. Keep going.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Rude.

SPEAKER_06 17:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

No, I'm just kidding. Um, so yeah, that's the hometown. We'll never go back there again. No, I'm just kidding. No, I don't disagree. I would never live there, but that's hometown. Um, and so yeah, we just grew up like seeing our parents served. And by us, I mean my older sister. Shout out Christy. But I don't call her by her first name. So um What do you oh never? I call her by her middle name. Her middle name is Cherline, but I call her Cher. I will never call her by her first name. It's so weird. Anyways, that's my that's my ride or die, that's my best friend, that's my and I call her Cherry. She calls her Cherry. And so, yeah, it was just like my parents, my older sister and I, and everything was good. Everything was perfect. I literally thought we were the perfect family. Um, my parents were literally leading like a ministry, uh marriage ministry, and it was just really awesome, like knowing that like my family was an example to like the church. Um and I just knew that people like knew us, people saw us, but then everything just took a turn. Um my the summer of first grade, so I was around like six or seven, uh I was around six or seven years old. We we go to Mexico, and it's just like my mom, my sister, and I, because my dad couldn't because of his legal status. And so we're just there for vacation. Little did I know, my mom had another plan in mind, and she actually sprung it on us on a random day. She was like, Hey, we're actually gonna stay here to live, and I was like, What do you mean, girl? So, as y'all can like assume, um a lot of dysfunction started arising out of that, a lot of anger um within my heart, a lot of rebelliousness within my heart. I started acting now with like my cousins and everything. Um fast forward though a year later, we moved back to the United States. Um, and I find out that my family wasn't what I thought they were. Um but there was just still so much like love for them. And also seeing like my sister through that process, like it wasn't easy. But yeah, I just like end up finding out like the brokenness that's in my family. Um how we're not that like church family from the past anymore. I find out my dad's like an alcoholic. Um I see my mom like enter depression, all this stuff. Um, but in all of that, like my mom was still like, hey, like we still need to be a part of church, like we need to find like a community. Like I can't make it here in the in this like new city um without without like a community. So we didn't come back to Austin, of course, we came back to San Antonio and man. A lot of things went down. So many things went down. Um church wasn't the same anymore. We didn't end up finding the community that my mom desired. It started looking like fights on the way to church, um, things like that. And honestly, I think I just started seeing like a division in my family. Um but then my parents decided to have two more little boys. Shout out Galen Alex, and they entered the picture, and for me I was like, oh, like there's some hope there. Um but but no, like family didn't really get any better. Um fast forward, like I'm in middle school. I'm pretty rebellious by this point. I hate authority. Um I'm hanging out with like uh people that I'm able to like. relate to home wise like uh culture wise like all of my friends speak Spanish like it's just raza like rasa nos raza like kind of thing and um yeah I end up just like finding like my identity in friendships I end up finding my identity and making like my presence known in a room I end up like just like finding now how much influence I have um that I think like life experiences just like built into me and um and so yeah middle school just like looked very messy because like home life and school life were just were just yeah they were just messy and um I think it was either seventh grade or eighth grade that my parents decide to split up and that process in itself was extremely messy but in all of that um I like go into high school thinking like I'm tired of acting up like I'm tired of like being a rebellious like girl. I'm just exhausted of like all of that and I was like I had a plan in mind to just be like low key to just like do what I had to do um stick with friends and like everything was gonna like turn out well um and then it was actually freshman year where I get introduced to South Texas Youth for Christ as a student. Wait a minute um freshman year yay oh it was freshman year that's pretty cool wait what year did y'all graduate you're older I was 2023 she was 2022 oh dang yeah it's crazy for meant to be guys same word guys same word same word same chapter same page same word same word um and I'm literally like just like trying to stick to like that plan that I had in mind shout out Alyssa Elmer I don't know if she listens to this podcast she should um she'll listen to this one yeah true we gotta send it to everybody we shout out to the brothers too yes uh so shout out Alyssa Elmer she literally was a woman that like she was just shameless she just didn't care about what a Latina girl thought about her so she literally comes up to the table uh with like five Latina girls we're all looking at her sideways because it's like okay who's this like white lady with red hair like and why is she screaming at us? Telling us yeah y'all should get a campus play there's snacks there's this there's that but we also talk a little bit about Jesus the moment she said Jesus y'all was like freak um and but then she just like kept crying and I was sitting like next to my best my old best friend um let's see if she ever listens to this um old best friend still love her um and I was just like hey dude like we should go like there's snacks like let's go um and so we started going and dude dude get out of here um and so we started going and dude I loved it I loved it because a little context about me I was never trying to be involved with like any school like activities I didn't like sports I didn't like none of that and so um yeah we just started going and this was like the first place that I ever felt like I belonged um this was the first place where like people actually asked good questions made me realize how much like authentic conversations I was desperate for and so um it was throughout all of my like high school years that I started to get to know like the love of Jesus in a different way that wasn't like religion that wasn't just sitting at a pew kneeling getting up again over and over again it was like Alyssa was determined like I just saw determination within her and she like stuck with me through substance abuse she stuck with me through my self-sabotaging choices um and by this point like my mom had given up like by this point my sister was like um kind of living like her own life she had like left our home so I was just kind of on my own like making like an identity for myself um but the Lord sent Alyssa and then many other like awesome leaders shout out Jackie shout out even Jagger um senior year um shout out all the people um and so fast forward send you the podcast by the way Jagger thanks and so fast forward to senior year um I'm like pretty deep in like my self-sabotaging cycle but Kate is realizing like nothing is working out for her like friends are not working out for her um drugs are not working out for her um alcohol isn't working out like nothing and um Alyssa would always make it a point to invite me to like the high school retreat and I would always say no like I'm not going to no stupid church camp. Yeah because that's literally that's literally how I like felt about it. And she kept saying no this church camp like it's so different like it's not like any other church camp and I was like girl you're lying and I remember like three weeks prior like it was both Jagger and Alyssa that were like Kate like you gotta go you gotta go you gotta go and I was like no I don't like stop it. Um and then I finally have like a conversation with Jagger and he's like you can actually like bring all your friends and I was like what and as y'all can tell like my friends were my idols so I was like if I can bring my friends like let's do it like like why didn't we start off with that you should have said it from the beginning um I'm taking notes over here how to get more kids to camp.

SPEAKER_07 28:20

Hey you can bring a whole friend group yes because all I'll like insert just a little bit all you were like talking about was the plans or that you were planning or trying to plan something with your friends for that spring break and that's when I was like we'll just bring your friends to camp and camp can be your plans.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Come on and that was method that was method that was method that was holy spirit that was Holy Spirit because he is method because my perception of like Jagger wasn't the most like oh my gosh like he's my leader like la la la la la I just I was just very much like stuck with Alyssa like I was like Alyssa's my dog like she's everything blah blah um and so yeah I ended up making it happen I like convinced most of my friend group one of them he didn't budge um shout out angel if you ever listen you didn't budge bro I hope you follow Jesus now um probably not probably not um and so Isaiah went Litzy went Brianna went that was like my old friend group and we all like pulled up to this camp um and a week prior to it I had just like hit rock bottom but I won't get into like the details of all of that um hit me up if you want to know I'm just kidding um anyways so I pulled up to this camp and man Jesus was in the room like Jesus was in the room Jesus was in that camp um he made himself known and I just remember like Gilbert shout out pastor oh my gosh how many shout outs um he does like the first altar call and I could just like feel it within myself that this was gonna be like the day the day that like things were just gonna like change for good um and I go up to the altar and I like do the thing and then Imagine comes up to me and I'm just like on my knees like looking at the floor and she just asks me.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

She was just like hey like what do you need prayer for and all these things just start going through my mind but all that comes from out from my mouth is um to want to live and man she like she says the name of Jesus and I kid you not like his power hits me from like the top of my head to the bottom of my soul of my feet and and I'm like it's like all the blindfolds came off at that point.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Yeah and it was like Jesus is real and he's alive and I'm gonna live for this guy and then she starts like casting out like demons and I get delivered from the suicide ideation and it it's literally like a miracle like I never again had a suicidal thought cross my mind and since that moment like I knew I was gonna have to follow Jesus and despite like the despite the bumps on the road like I have never said no to him um and you know I go into the LAT program as well and things just start changing like I start changing the way I behave I start changing the way that I carry myself I gain like dignity I gain self-respect I gain like self-love I gain community um and I start to find out like why the Lord made me the way that he did and so now I find myself here surrounded by freaking royalty saints um and I and I also I also get to serve as a resident too with YFC.

SPEAKER_07 32:34

Come on that's cool wait real quick okay so we all grew up in church yes went to camps yeah is YFC camps the best camps you've you've seen experienced comparatively to like church camp 100% yeah I mean it's up there like I've only have ever been to two camps so I I completely agree and I think our biggest and I can really only speak more on the high school because we do this for high schoolers but our story time that we do for high school students is really really the what sets us apart like big time because it just invites authenticity and transparency throughout the whole camp that it just changes the DNA of what we do there. And yeah because I've I've gone to other camps and they don't do that and you can sense that. You can sense the the this is just an event or this is just another thing to do and I and I love how storytime really just cuts cuts dude it was yeah storytime definitely there's something but actually something probably small but that was huge for me is that they were okay with like no dress code or like they were okay with like a lady must wear shorts and that was crazy to me like in my senior like mind I'm like dude they're gonna have all these rules like yeah I'm not gonna be able to like cuss or like I'm gonna like be looked at some kind of way but nah I was cussing like yeah and I like I I wasn't like dressing crazy but I think just getting to know the freedom that they were giving us to just be was so foreign yeah to me.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

And I was just like and and and they like genuinely like strangers genuinely loved on me.

SPEAKER_04 34:26

That was the cra like both and they didn't look at me sideways because I was like throwing the head bomb left and right they were throwing the head bomb with you or maybe Sarah was Sarah was looking at you sideways I think what makes it different too is like well I had gone to as a student I went to two um YFC camps but whenever I volunteered at that middle school retreat and then I went to the high school retreat I saw the same people like it wasn't like clocking in clocking out it was like you're seeing the same people serve at a camp and the same people lead worship the same people do messy games obviously roles switch and titles change but it's like it's one community that's going to camp and I think that's like every year I think kids look forward to YFC camp because they're like oh I know I'm gonna see Kate I know I'm gonna see Alex Tiger's hair like I know they're gonna be there so I gotta be there like I gotta I gotta see them basically or obviously for other reasons like I gotta experience Jesus but like they they get excited to see YFC people. Yeah so I think that's really awesome too that's super cool.

SPEAKER_06 35:40

I just asked just because I've always thought the same way and that's not too hate on our on you know church camps it was just like because we all grew up in church and so anyways yeah that's cool cool stuff.

SPEAKER_07 35:54

Well glad you guys are here enjoying the podcast excited thank you for having us yeah it's really awesome being here I'm having a great time no like I was like so excited like all the way here I was getting like little butterfly in my stomach I was like oh my gosh y'all are building something trying trying to figure it out and like everybody like throughout the span of this week has been like yeah I'm so excited for the podcast so that's well well we don't just invite y'all randomly um as they were sharing you guys heard about like their friendships and how that's changed and and through YFC we've been able to become friends all four of us and in that we've gone on trips together we've done ministries together we've done a lot of things together um but as we were praying and asking the Lord like what he wanted us to talk about just the word friendship came up and so I think the the to start us off the first question that we want to ask both Kate and Sarah is can guys and girls be friends because if you don't know there's two guys two girls and um we're pretty good friends. We're pretty good friends by the way um but that is also without saying that it's taken a lot of work on all four of our ends to to be or to have the friendship that we have and so yeah we'll start off with whoever wants to take a hit at it first.

SPEAKER_06 37:22

Also super cool that both of y'all stories involve the like friendship dynamics like really shifting.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

So anyways that was super cool I didn't even I hadn't well you don't really catch on to that when you hear the story until it's like about a topic like oh wait like you were you know you're really removed from like a community to then come back into a community and you know you just shifted from these secular friends into like you know just it's just a big that they don't follow you know from secular to saints but yeah you don't want if you can go first I'll go first yeah you will so the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to guys and girls being friends is that yes guys and girls can be friends but boundaries but oh yeah but if boundaries are not involved it will get messy. So so and by that I mean and by that I mean it's just like just the transition from yeah being friends with secular like yeah being friends in like the world and then being friends like within a Christian community the switch up was crazy I mean like full transparency I was having sleepovers with like my guy friends and that didn't break our friendship but I know that right now where I'm at that would have break broke broken a friendship like like no no doubt would have broken a friendship.

SPEAKER_06 39:14

So I think for a guy and a girl to be friends the boundaries have to be clear they have to be communicated but also taking into consideration that for a boundary to be known you're gonna cross it you're gonna cross a boundary so going into like going into friendships like in a Christian community I knew what boundaries I needed because of how much I had broken them in the past and so I knew that I knew that I couldn't be like alone with a guy like one on one like nobody had to teach me that nobody had to like tell me that um but there was things that I also like didn't know but how would you uh communicate that like boundaries wise to to the opposite sex obviously to a guy that's like not harsh or rude or like but just genuinely like no this is just how I am and then you just kind of follow that. Because I know it can be it can be shared and still just just go right over somebody's head you know for vice versa. So how would you communicate that like clearly without it being disrespectful or like rude or or just be like ill like no like get away from it.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

You know like you don't want to be like that either but yeah just for you like and you can even share like an example if you want to I don't want you to you know you share as much as you want but yeah no an example that actually comes to mind is when it comes to prayer praying with the opposite gender um can get very like tricky and I used to see like nothing wrong with it. I was just like no I can pray with like my friend that's a guy he also believes in Jesus I believe in Jesus like we're chilling like we we got Holy Spirit like nothing's gonna happen um but I actually like ended up doing that and I ended up telling like my mentor at the time Carmen I was like yeah like I prayed I prayed with with a guy and that person was actually Jagger poison and yeah like yes especially if we're in the room yeah like what uh just my guy friend and she was just like Kate like no like we're not we're not gonna do that and I was like why Carmen like why oh man and then no like genuinely like shocked and she was like because like when you do that there is an emotional support that you bring in that that you're not doing with any other guy like are you gonna do that with like this friend like are you gonna do that with like Alice with Lance like with everybody and I was just like well maybe you know like if they ask maybe and then she was just like well yeah but when it comes to like emotional support like it's taking into account somebody else's heart and your heart and how that can like bond somebody like spiritually yeah and and then that creates like a real or being reliable like to that person and then because you are a woman that's gonna be that's gonna be like something special for you. And so she started explaining it and I was just like oh that makes sense and after that I didn't address it with Jagger like I didn't say anything. I just kept it in mind. Yeah right so in that conversation I learned I don't have to communicate every boundary yeah but I must stick to it and I'm able to stick to it because my mentor who is literally like doing life with me will hold me to it because I'm honest with her and I open up to her about things. So either way like she's gonna know right so in that was a lot of like integrity and having to like okay like if I want to pray for somebody like I can pray from afar. Yeah and the prayer's still gonna work like something about like being with a person like you think is gonna be a little bit more powerful but it's not like like it's it's prayer you know it's just gonna it's the same God who's hearing you and so that brought me to um high school cap of 2025 and it was like the end of like Holy Spirit night and I was like in this straw like I was I had just gotten wrecked by the Holy Spirit super emotional High on feelings. And I'm like in the corner, like sitting in the corner of the room, and everybody else is like talking. And Jagger literally comes. And he's just like asking me how I'm doing. And I'm like, oh yeah, like fine.

SPEAKER_06 44:16

Oh yeah, get away from the room. Yeah, I'm like, go away.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Like, can you read the room? But I didn't want to be rude because I knew that, like, dude, I just like there's no need to be rude. And then he was like, I was like, I straight up asked, like, what do you need? And um, and then he was like, like, we're gonna pray. And I was just like, no, we're not. And I just had to be honest, and I was just like, I don't, I don't pray with like the opposite gender. And then he was like, okay. And he was like, well, what can I be praying? And I ended up like telling him, I I forgot what it was, but I just told him. And then he was like, okay. And in that moment, I started like feeling guilty. I was like, oh my gosh, was that was that too much? Like, am I overthinking it? Like all these things. And then Hilda ends up like coming to me, and I'm like, dude, I guess what I just did. That is queen behavior. Like this and this and that. And she's just hyping me up, and I was like, that's okay. It's okay to place boundaries. It's okay to communicate. It's okay to like guard my heart. And in that, like, guard like my brother's heart, you know, or like my friend's heart. And yeah, like once I did it once, it wasn't hard to ever do it again. Like, because I knew I I was able to do it once, I was like, I can do this like my whole life. I can say no my whole life. Like, nobody nobody can tell me different. Why? Because I had like taken into account my mistake. I had taken into account like the wisdom that was poured into me. And I actually applied it and practiced it, despite like not having experience in doing that. I was able to like practice it. And I think the fact that Jaguar was also like respectful about it did something. And the fact that somebody else came in and affirmed like my obedience, because I was I was also learning like how to like place like boundaries. This was about like a year and a half ago. And um and I know there's people out there that like now know that Jagger and I are like leading a ministry together, so we do pray, but that's only possible because of like the boundaries that have been like stated clearly and the reason why we're praying. Right. Like I'm not heightened in emotion, I'm not like he he he isn't coming in to like do some I'm not coming in to do something either. We're we're we're here because God entrusted us to like lead his flock, right? So it's like we have the assignment that we've been given in mind.

SPEAKER_06 47:15

Right.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

Not each other's feelings, not each other's like minds, and so that allows like it's just it's almost like there's like a protection around it, and we know that or I I know that like it's never gonna like be more than that.

SPEAKER_06 47:30

Yeah, like well and I can imagine that you guys, like if you guys are like meeting at church or whatever, right? Just kind of check in, like, hey, how are you doing? Like what's going on.

SPEAKER_05 47:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 47:39

But I think even I I I g I think this is how y'all go about it. I would think like even if one of y'all did open up again, like it's what you said, the assignment is still in mind. Right. So I'm praying over my brother for so that he's better, so that the assignment is impacted because he's now coming in with a better mind, with a better heart, with a better attitude, right? And vice versa for both of y'all, I would assume that's kind of right. Yes. And I think that's that I think that's really cool. It's like keeping the assignment in mind when it is that now you're working together in the same industry. I was that perspective for you.

SPEAKER_07 48:14

I was gonna say, like, on the on the guys in. Yeah. Um, yeah, because I'm not gonna push either. Like, if that's what someone has asked of me, but that again, it's like I guess just who I am. So if someone's asked that of me, then I'm like, okay, cool. Um, but I I like what you said even prior to that. It's like I don't need to be with that person to pray for that person. And I had that understanding, and I knew that when I went up to you, God had prompted me to go to you. So when you had redirected, I was like, well, then what do you need prayer for? Because I'm gonna still pray for you, but I don't need to be here. But I know that the Lord has prompted me to do something. So I think too, just being somebody who asks questions and not just being so either defensive or like taking it so personal, I can just be like, okay, well, God prompted to ask, and then I can leave and we can leave it there. Like it doesn't have to be anything more than that. And so literally like what you said before, it's just like if someone has prompted or if the if the Lord has prompted you to pray for somebody, um you can ask them what they need prayer for. Um but you can also ask the Lord, like, do I pray with them or am I simply just asking them what they need and praying alongside you, Lord? Like in that time. Um instead of like just trying to do what you want to do. Um because feelings are heightened or like Holy Spirit has been moving and stuff like that. And so I think for guys it's like like if a woman is redirecting you, like it's not a personal thing. It's not like any disrespect to you as a man, like if anything, she respects you enough to put a boundary up.

SPEAKER_05 49:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 49:55

And I think really having young men understand that rewire is huge. Because so many, I think, think so many men believe that a boundary is disrespectful, but in reality, it's like, no, she's respecting herself and you so we can like continue to have a healthy relationship moving forward. And I don't think many men understand that.

SPEAKER_06 50:20

Yeah, and I I would say it's probably it probably comes more from like the guy getting offended because a guy ain't really gonna communicate his boundaries. No like you know, we're just a little tonto right there, but uh yeah, I I think it's cool like to hear like your perspective, because obviously, like that was last year, so 2025, like you're not it's like immature, like why, like, why not, okay? Like, we pray all the time. Like, what's wrong with you? We've prayed in the past, like, you know, and so you know, I yeah, I think it's just like speaking to like the young men. It's like uh she's guarding her heart, and by doing so, and if you didn't already know this, guys and girls, if you're guarding your heart, you you're gonna guard uh somebody else's, you know, from you know just crossing a boundary or or doing something that's just like nah, like we shouldn't be, you know, in this situation or in this conversation or or praying in this way, you know, and so yeah, I think that's super true. Like when you guard your heart, you inevitably like help guard somebody else's who is still needing to learn or figure that out, you know. So I think I think from there I think that's cool to see that you can have, but there has to be very clear set boundaries. Um so that's super cool.

SPEAKER_00 51:33

Yeah, I was gonna say that maybe it is like maybe the disrespect that guys may receive from like that boundary is rejection. Like it comes off as rejection, but that's where like wisdom comes in, you know? And yeah, like I guess stating that guys of y'all hear like a girl communicating a boundary with you, it's not rejection.

SPEAKER_06 52:05

And I think it's like what you said, it is just a rewire because it's it's deeper than us, just like it you're not just it's deeper. It's coming from a place that's deeper, that rejection part. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Yeah, for young men, like we're you know, we just we wanna we wanna like prove ourselves, we wanna show, you know, that I care, that I I you know I can like pray, you know, and stuff like that. And for a guy, I think it for the most part, there's probably some guys that don't have you know they have a different thought behind what their actions, but I think for the most part, like a guy will be genuine in wanting to do that, and then it'd come off as rejection, and it's not. It's it's but it's a rewire, you know, for for young guys to think that way because we just you know we feel that like oh we were getting rejected, but it's not, you know, it's really not that.

SPEAKER_07 52:55

So yeah. Well, and and to add before we pass it to Sarah.

SPEAKER_06 52:59

I know Sarah's eager to speak over there.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

She needs to come. You can cough. Yeah, can we pause real quick?

SPEAKER_06 53:05

Yeah, pause.

SPEAKER_01 53:06

Don't look at me though.

SPEAKER_06 53:07

Yeah, do your cough, you're gonna be recorded. Oh god.

SPEAKER_04 53:11

Stop. I've also been sitting on my water, is that okay?

SPEAKER_06 53:15

Oh, yeah, that's fine.

SPEAKER_04 53:16

Same, I'm like, you can hear my little to the goldfish right.

SPEAKER_06 53:23

But don't mind the chomping whenever Kay grabs the box.

SPEAKER_01 53:26

Okay, I'm better. I'm not gonna grab the box.

SPEAKER_07 53:28

I'm gonna Well, what I was gonna add to that was that what you had said, Kate, about knowing your heart and like how you're entering it into that situation. As on my end, as a young man who's coming from the past that I have, I've always connected emotionally with women. And so that's where my heart is, which is not the place that I need to be at in order to pray for you. That's not that's not that's not what that's not what's best for Kate and Jagger in that time. And so I think it's also knowing like, okay, well, is this out of wisdom or is it just out of my feelings? And I'm speaking to men and women. Um, but it's just like knowing that your feelings might have you do something that feels right, but it isn't. And being able to check that early and often is gonna be really important in order to have relationships with the opposite sex.

SPEAKER_06 54:27

Because by the way, uh that's not just Kate's boundary. Everybody should have that boundary. Uh don't just think it's like all the time. And you got convicted, that's okay. That's only Kate's. Uh no, how about I tell you make it your boundary? Guard your heart above all else. Well, it says above all else, guard your heart. And so, especially when it comes like spiritually, and there's just some emotional ties into our spirit as well, and there's just heightened emotions, and it gets up there. Like, you don't want that to be over to a guy, guys, you don't want that to go over to a girl. Like, just guard your heart in that. So don't hear Kay as like, oh, that's a crazy boundary that she has. Yeah. I'm telling you, and I hope that the Lord does convict you guys, make it a boundary for yourself. Very important.

SPEAKER_07 55:22

So because you start pursuing your wife, your husband, and you've already made emotional ties with your friends. My girl best friend. And so now when you are trying to pursue a husband and a wife, you're not having to break those emotional connections because they do not coincide with the relationship you're trying to pursue. And so there comes tension, hard conversations, heartbreak, all of this stuff. So that's why we we set boundaries now that way when the Lord does invite that person into our lives, we're not having to like pick up the pieces from our friendships.

SPEAKER_06 56:00

This is a complicated question, though.

SPEAKER_04 56:02

Yes, yes, I was gonna say last thing, last thing, and then Sarah.

SPEAKER_06 56:06

Last thing, Sarah, and then you'll have the rest of our time.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

Right. Um but I do believe, again, going back to the ritual question, like I do believe girls and guys can be friends, but I don't believe in girls and guys best friends. Like having a guy best friend as a woman, yeah, that's right. And having a girl best friend as a guy. I'm telling you right now, if you have a girl or a guy best friend, check yourself. No, like, do you like them? Like, that's the real question. Do you like them? And please be honest with yourself. And maybe an inventory of like Valderace needs to be taken.

SPEAKER_06 56:47

That's good, that's good.

SPEAKER_04 56:48

Yeah, I guess what I was gonna say, I was thinking about the original question, like do Oh yeah, no, that yeah, but yeah, yeah. So guy can't answer. Okay. Do you think that girls and guys can be friends? I do, but my the first thing that came to mind was like, do you actually want to be friends with them though? Like, do you just want to be a friend?

SPEAKER_06 57:06

Or do you just want to be friends? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:07

Yeah, and I think because y'all can drop in bars right now. Like y'all were talking about like the guy's perspective for girls. It's like, oh, I'm gonna be friends with this guy to like get to know them, and then we're gonna start hanging out, and then it eventually it's gonna become dates, and then we're gonna start like it'll be the overthinking mind. I mean, not for letters for all women, but I think like from a lot of perspectives that I hear, it's like, oh, we started off as friends, and then like now we're lovers type.

SPEAKER_05 57:34

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 57:35

I think that's like kind of funny to me. But my my question has always been like, okay, do you wanna like because I have a whole thing with like friendships, like call me if you want to know about like how I deal with friendships, but I just like I don't let people in like I don't let people in the number on there.

SPEAKER_06 57:55

I'll put your email in the case.

SPEAKER_04 57:56

The YFC email. Um I don't like I don't just let people in that easily, like girls or guys especially. Um, and so my question is always like, okay, like yes, we can be friends, but like, do you actually want to be friends with them? Whether it's a girl or a guy. And I think when it comes to guy friendships, I have to really ask myself, like, okay, do I want to be friends with them or like are you like thinking about something else completely different? And I think specifically with this friendship, it's been a lot easier, like stepping into certain friendship like things or like friendship topics that are normal for us because there's been a whole a whole flip side of maturity. And and now it's like now we all operate on the same level of like, no, this is just like we're like there's only friends here, and and that's it. Like there's nothing after this. Does that make sense? And so that's kind of the way I see it. I do think that girls and guys can be friends. Everything y'all said I was gonna say, like you the same thing.

SPEAKER_06 59:03

I I was agreeing, I was agreeing over here. There was like this, yes.

SPEAKER_04 59:06

Like with the boundaries, I think that's a huge thing. One thing that did come to mind was actually two instances, but one of them was at camp and then like this past camp, and then the other one was at the other one was at a bed together a like a long time ago. And um I don't know why I made that sound.

SPEAKER_00 59:26

I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_04 59:27

The way I kind of like Okay, for me personally, like the way I kind of go about like guy friendships is like treating them as if they're one of my brothers. I'm super close to my brothers, like we get we for the most part we get along very well. And they're older, and so like I just know like I I know that my brothers love me and I love them. Um and there's certain things that like there's certain like like things that we have and like things that we do that just like define our relationship. And um I remember this one time uh I was on my way to bed better together and I was running so late. I'm already late, like as it is, like all the time, but um sorry guys. Um I'm already late, but I was running super late, like almost an hour late, but it's because there was a really bad accident and I had to go around like literally all of San Antonio. And I'm like communicating with y'all like I'm gonna I'm super late and Alex is running away. Oh, it isn't over that.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:32

When we were planning better together together?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:34

Yeah. Oh, okay, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_06 1:00:36

Yeah, it was like bad traffic by the end of the day.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:38

Everyone was running away, and Jackie was like, Yeah, it's fine, like just get here safely at this point. Yeah, literally. So before every butter together, by the way, is like this worship bed that we used to have. We don't have it anymore, but R B R B. RB. It may resurrect on the third day, but never forgotten. Anyway, so um I get there and everybody is there at this point. So I just kind of like step my way into the player. And it was like right next to Kate and um Alex. And so we're all holding hands and we're all praying, and I'm just like so frustrated. Like, I'm just I'm like at my at my like at my breaking point. And so they're like, Oh, like, do you want to pray over the women of Better Together? And I was like, Oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:26

No, I don't want to. No, I don't want to.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:28

After being in the car for literally an hour and a half. And I was like, Yeah, sure. So everyone else prays and then um I I'm just I'm not a I'm not a crier. Like I'm sensitive and I'm just not like a I'm not like an em I'm never I'm I'm not usually an emotional person, especially in in prayer. And so I was kind of standing there and I I had no words and all I had were like tears. Ew, I started crying right now.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:57

And I just remember like yeah, but no don't.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:00

Okay. Um I just remember like s like standing there and I was like, I literally said like God and like I had nothing else. And there was like a there was a probably silence for like three minutes straight. And like no one was speaking, like no one stepped in to pray, but I was just like crying. And Alex, you did this thing that Oh my gosh, you did this thing I probably did, bro. You did this thing that actually comforted me so much. No, no, no, no, no, no, man. So we're all like we're again, we're all standing, we're all standing holding hands like in prayer. This is like normal, but Alex, you like squeeze my hand and you're just like squeezing it. And like, and that is something nobody knows this, but now I'll know. Now the whole world knows. But that that's something dude.

SPEAKER_06 1:02:59

There's 15 countries, by the way, that this has been.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:01

That's amazing. Well, 15 countries are gonna know that my older brother, my older brother Jacob, growing up, whenever we would be in prayer, and we would all like hold hands, and he would always squeeze my hand like as a joke. Like, he would either like squeeze my hand or like he would move his like one of his fingers to like tickle my hands. I would laugh. Anyway, so when you did that, I was like, oh, like this is just exactly what I needed. Like, I know that we're friends, and like it was it was just a moment where like I got I like I felt the Lord like showing me his love through like one of my friends who is a guy, but like that I still call brother. Like it was it was just like this clear image of or clear vision where like friendship was like friend this friendship was from the Lord.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:48

And young fellas, don't go squeeze a girl's head.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:50

Yeah, don't do that unless yeah, don't do that, unless the Lord prompts you to. Um yeah, and so I think from from that moment from that moment I forgot about it. Like I I forgot about it until I remembered right now. Um But I think that like that was just that's something that came to mind is like there are just certain things that guy friends um do and and and offer that like a female friendship can offer, but they're still it's essential. Like guy friendships are still important and they're still like necessary for spiritual and I don't maybe not spiritual growth, but like human growth, I guess. I don't know, like social growth. I'm not really sure.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:42

You're like just growth growth. So where have you seen that it's like essential? So besides that point, right? Like you're saying, like, okay, guys and girls can be friends, um, and they're essential, but in what ways have you experienced that, or would you say that they are essential? So that we're not just kind of like tiptoeing, Kate, if you want to jump in on this, yeah. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:02

That's a good question.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:04

How are they essential?

SPEAKER_06 1:05:05

Because this is cool, because I I have never well, for one, I've never thought, am I gonna be friends with this person or not? Like you just kind of that just kind of develops over time. But you know, you kind of just live out the way I want to live, the way I wanna this to be, but it's never something that I'm like thinking through. It just kind of like, this is the kind of person that I want to be, so this is how I'm gonna live out. Yeah. And then I've never thought, oh, like women friendships are essential. So that's why I'm curious to know you know, if if either one of you want to share how you see that guys are like essential to like y'all as like friends.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:41

I think I I can't really s I can like speak out of like indirect experience, but because I grew up with with brothers, I feel like I kinda know how to like work with guys, especially 'cause we were we do ministry together. So I kinda know how to like talk to them. I know when one of them is moody and like I just I can't bother them or like I just I know how to I know how to deal with guys I guess when it comes to like that kind of level.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:08

Um and because I view like guy friendships as like also brother relations brother relationships I view them as like brothers I think for a girl who only grew up with like sibling or only grew up with sisters like they don't know how to they don't know how to like act around a guy it's like they think like every guy will like them or something or like every guy that like just looks at them it's like oh that's my husband but really that's not the truth it's just like that's just how a guy is you know so I think that guy friendships are essential because it especially with your ministry it like shows you it gives you small like glimpses of like that very fine line of like when you're their leader and when y'all are friends and when y'all can joke around and like when y'all can hang out and when it's like a leader meeting or like a a debrief you know what I mean so yeah what you can say to them and what you just can't say what you have to what the Lord is asking you to like um teach them and then what you have to trust the Lord and like what they what he's gonna show them you know what I mean so that's kind of how I see it your thoughts on that well coming from um coming from like a perspective where men I would say like I I used to say like I like hated men but I just think like um even thinking back to our conversation before this I just had no respect for men like in general because of the herb because of like the way that I would see men like treat women um I just thought like men were dogs like out for a piece of meat that's literally the way that I thought of it and so coming into like that question of like male friendships being essential I didn't realize how much I appreciated male friendships until I like said yes to Jesus because um when I first started like being willing to even be in community um in like a Christian community the Lord actually used you Alex to show me that there is men out there who respect and there is men out there who aren't always gonna have like double motives in their mind and if they do there's a Holy Spirit who brings up control so it's just like I started to see like how Jesus brings in a third party within a man and like the way that I grew up seeing men was just through through human through a human perspective. And so you know getting to know you Alex as a girl who like was like why is this dude like so consistent in asking me how I'm doing every time I come to like a family night I was just like bro bro is either like weird or he's low-key cool it's like the one yeah it's either one or the other two extremes um it's funny and so I remember like I started viewing men differently um because of the way that Jesus started manifesting himself through you and so in that I was just like oh like I can have like a cool good conversation with a man and no and and since I was like at the time like I was like 18 or like 17 I was super hyper vigilant of like everybody and like the way they talked the way they looked like the way they looked at me like everything I was super hyper vigilant to see if you did have like double motives and I never saw that and I was just like oh shoot you know and so I start like I don't ever say it in my mind I'm like oh like Alex is my friend but I just start treating you like a friend and I know that you will treat me as a friend and I know that you have respect for me and I know that now I can have like respect for you and so that just started like renewing my entire mind like in so many ways like so many ways and so where I'm at now and like based on like the um conversations and like the friendships that I've built with like y'all specifically um but other people too it's like whenever I get to talk to of a guy friend and I like come in there's this like there's this clarity that like a guy friend has always brought in to my conversation and every single time I come out of like a conversation with a guy friend I know that I've grown and I know that a part of me has become more like Jesus whether it's been like a really good conversation or a conversation with where my like character was challenged you know so I think back to like conversations that you and I had Alex where we were like basically debating like our opinions and I like debating dude and so many things would rise up in my heart but I knew not to lash out on you which was so like foreign to me I was like no I'm I'm gonna let it be and if he prize like that's his problem like he's messed up like he's messed up I messed up like no I'm just kidding but um I think friendships with guys are essential because they will help me like grow as a woman um they will help me grow to be more like Jesus and and y'all are not y'all are not in the spiral that I constantly like find myself in so it's almost like there's this grounding that comes with talking to like a man and I'm only able to admit that because of like the forgiveness that has taken place because of like the healing that has taken place but when I talk to a woman like we we we build off of each other and it's almost like with the man like we deconstruct we deconstruct things and things just become simple and a woman needs simplicity because of how complex like we can be and that is not to say that women are too much I don't want to like come off as that but I do want to say we do overcomplicate things we do overcomplicate things overthinking is so normal yes but whenever it comes to like thinking like oh I'm too much yeah there there comes in like lies of the evil one yeah and strongholds and then that can lead to like uh that can lead to like suppressing ourselves for who we are but it's just like no we don't have to suppress ourselves um because like God is bringing in people which in this case like he's bringing in men into my life who are willing to like listen and they're willing to help me become more like Jesus and the way that men help me become more like Jesus is not the way that a woman helps me become more like Jesus.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:44

Yeah and I think that that is definitely like vice versa like you said simple. Yeah and I just thought about our conversation at at the office when I was literally just checking emails you come in you're like oh can I sit down and eat I was like sure and then uh it's when we didn't we didn't end our conversation like I had to go minister to some LAT um shout out the LITs yeah shout out the LITs but I literally had just told you I was like because you were like beating yourself up about being a leader and this and that I'm just like looking at you like what like why are you tripping? You tripping dude like and I just told you like just point it back to Jesus and then you were just like I think of that yeah yeah that's it you know because it's like we have we overcomplicate um yeah so we just overcomplicate things too you know yeah not just y'all like us too we overcomplicate some things and and but I think it's true like what you're saying it's like we just need simplicity and and I was just like we're just pointing back Jesus is what you do no and however somebody responds to when you point them to Jesus that's on them.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:53

Yeah it's let them face that because at that point you did what you needed to go follow the good shepherd go follow what he says his commands and that's that's literally it you know so what about you Jagger with like girls have you found them essential I think before knowing Jesus I didn't know the value that they could have because they were just always based out of emotion and so I was either like helping another woman through her emotions or she was being my emotional support. So there was real no like health in that relationship. However now in Jesus and I I think really specifically talking about like the two women here like Kate and Sarah and the friendships that they've given me um have just allowed me to respect the other women around like circles and and other areas of my life with high respect because they've they've helped me see the value in a healthy friendship with women. And uh I don't even I don't always have to like counsel and she doesn't always have to give me the emotional depth and we can still have a really good friendship. And and so I think healthy friendships with women help me have even better relationships with other women around me because I see the value of not always going to them for everything. And not being like this puppy dog or like this lost like you know like this lost person who's like wanting comfort um but actively seeking them as like for their wisdom. Because they actually offer like really good things. And so I think they've just kind of for Kate and Sarah have heightened the bar for me to respect others. To respect other women. Yeah. Because I think really honestly y'all two are probably the only women who have had conversations with me that have allowed me to see like myself differently when it came to like my relationships with women and stuff. And so I would say that's the value I think for young men who we just don't know what that looks like and they've always had emotional like dependence on women. It's challenging because it feels good, it feels right and and and women are there to nurture um but they're not there for you to like bleed all over and like take everything on. And um I think a lot of young men at least for myself have have leaned more towards that and that's just not fair. Um yeah that's just not fair. And that's not that's not meant for women and it's not meant for your bros it maybe a little bit but it it's for Jesus like you need to take that to the Lord. And so yes that's where women have really come in clutch for me.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:07

If you really need a woman go to your mom I hope you have a mom a sister maybe just even you know maybe you're close to your pastor and and maybe they're both willing to sit down with you and and just even having the presence of like a woman but yeah don't do it with like you know your friends right next to you um and because honestly like I've been I've been super blessed to have a sister Carmen yeah dude yeah we've all experienced the blessing though just being able to have really great just just honest honest conversations with her and her just being able to meet me where I'm at emotionally but then just how incredible that she is that she redirects me back to Jesus in a very challenging and like you know get your stuff together kind of way and I'm just like golly you're so right you know and so yeah that's what I would say and I I really hope that you have you know I I do hope that you do have a woman in your life yeah if you really don't um uh Jesus will be you know the only other way to be able to just lay it all out because yeah and I think I think that's how I I've found women essential is through I want to get into the friendships but I think essential I found them like through my sister um through just incredible like Hilda Mama Hilda these are all older women though and so um even Domadis like shout out Domadies if you listen to my podcast by the way I bought their first coffee shop coffee cart shirt fire shout out soan shout out uh what's his name I blunt on his name I'm sorry I'm gonna send it to him and just tell him I forgot his name blunked what he blunked I blunt did I say that I don't know there's only one way to point out um yeah I I've in them like they've just been like really like women worth like respecting I I have to get into like all of this story for myself because um I had found myself at a place where I I didn't have respect for women up until like honestly more recently and I kept asking myself like why do I only have respect for these like older women you know like in authority and and you know but I see you know I see how they are and they operate and so I had a conversation actually I didn't have my mom had a conversation with me I get home and then she's just kind of like chilling there and then she goes she was like we haven't talked in a while and I was like uh yeah I already knew like I already knew that she knew and where this conversation was gonna go and I was like you know I feel real tense and I was like yeah and I just saw her I was like it's me it's not you and she was like yeah I know I love my mom but she does that little thing like yeah I know and I'm like it just like irks me because like she's right and I'm just like oh god like yeah you do know she's like because I'm your mom and I'm like alright get it you're my mom right um so then she like sits down and then I was just honest with her I was like hey like I you know we shared there's things that I I'm not gonna share but there was things that were like brought up and you know I was just like really honest with her you know and then and then she's just crying and and because she knows like you know the you know from our past um and my parents like divorcing and then both of them getting remarried and growing up in church like all of that you know is just like what the heck you know this is wrong this is weird like what's going on and and um and then you know there was like a shift because like my mom's just like crying and like sharing and I'm just like I don't want to be in this conversation I wasn't ready for this I didn't want to have this conversation and then she apologized to me and I was like I was so confused by like scratching my head like she's apologizing to me right now and you know she just admitted like I broke this is what she said she said I I'm supposed to be your mirror for what a godly woman looks like but I broke that in your life and I'm sorry for doing that and I was just like listening to her because you know I was still being like stubborn because I didn't want to have that conversation but she said that and I was like just trying to like really process all of that and I'm like whoa 100% that makes so much sense because I've just struggled you know from on my end to respect women and it I was like but I have so much respect for my for my sister for Carmen why don't I have for my mom and dude she just kind of laid it out for me and I was just like dang yeah that's so true you know so um to answer the question sorry I had to say that because to answer the question as to like why I think women and friendships are essential it's the respect it's it's the respect part for a man um yeah and and honestly like just friendships wise it was Christy and Kate the first I think like friends that I I not only had respect for but I also uh what is it I also felt respected by and um you too Sarah sorry no don't worry about it okay nah because remember fashion like that was so much fun we'll get into that later guys another podcast no but but for real like that was I I think that was um that's a big thing and I think that's where I find a lot of um why I think women like friendships are essential is is the respect that comes with like from them and that that's obviously not to say that like from a from a man like or like yeah that's that's a whole different thing too but um for my guy friendships that you know I want respect from them too I think there's a little there's a little bit of a difference there but yeah I I when I also know that not only do my guy friends respect me but also women in the room respect me there is just this like uh I don't know what the word is you you just feel respected to be able to lead to be able to speak to just have this like um confidence yeah I think there's just like confidence to know like no people are going to listen when I speak you know and I'm not gonna be disrespected I'm not gonna have to hear some like side chatter or like I'm obviously giving instruction for something and then like you know they're just like don't even care over there you know but it's like going being it being able to be in a space and you just command the space and everybody's like yes but it's not that they're respecting me it's it's also that they have like respect for like just Jesus that is in me and is trying to operate and work. And so yeah I that's where I've I've just found a lot of uh like the essential part of just having guys and girls you know is yeah is the respect part of of just friendships and and so yeah like both receiving it and giving it yeah yeah yeah I think so well we can and it goes hand in hand with high crunch right because it's like friendships relationships are not one-sided you know it they're two so it has to go back and forth I thought of something as you were talking like disrespecting and then I started thinking about myself and I keep going back to that like conversation.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:30

Yeah and I don't know if it's a statement or a question but do y'all think like it's harder to respect someone who doesn't even respect themselves and like or should we as like followers of Jesus completely dismiss like the lack of disrespect that they themselves are living in and like us still like respect them because I'm thinking like would that make me respecting someone harder when they don't even respect themselves like what does that look like I guess like in a friendship because yeah I'm just thinking of like scenarios of of um people that I haven't like respected and I think a lot of the time it's because I've seen them like they don't respect themselves. Like they act like like I just don't see like the self-respect.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:31

So I don't know. Do you guys have a thought on that I I do but I like to talk so well I'm I'm definitely like an internal processor but well so I this this is what I would say just because somebody doesn't respect themselves doesn't mean that I'm not going to respect them.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:50

Right? So not that I find it uh it's not that it's harder I don't think I don't think it's harder to respect Respect them. Um it it just maybe probably sucks to see them there. But I'm gonna respect them where where they're at. I'm gonna love them where they're at, I'm gonna speak truth to where they're at. And again, simplifying it, I'm gonna point them back to Jesus. Because what I want them to do is also obviously have respect for themselves, to care for themselves. Because if the that's where like the if they don't have respect for themselves, they're not gonna respect anybody.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:36

Right? But I don't think that means that it's better like it's easier or it should be harder for us to have respect for them. That's just like on my end, you know, because then if you're if you're thinking like, oh man, it's so hard to like respect them because they don't respect themselves, then you're just gonna go veer off into that of like I'm just not gonna have respect for them. Yeah you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:57

Yeah, no, I and I wasn't thinking it of it in a way of like, oh, I'm always like trying to see, like, hey, do you respect yourself so that I know whether they're about to respect you? Like, no, but it's like but it's like a subconscious thing where it's just like this person is walking in constant like self-disrespect. So a part of me is like thrown off, you know, and and and like it causes like me to like almost not know how to meet them there, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_06 1:29:28

Uh with something that you've seen in somebody disrespecting themselves.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:32

Yeah, I I guess like I would say like I would say um like when I see someone with a lack of boundaries, um, and when I see someone just like acting different in one space and then like in another, like they're different, you know. So it's like this, it's like it comes it throws me off, and I'm like, well, who am I who am I talking to, you know? Um so yeah, there's just this like I guess inconsistency in like people's behavior that I've seen. Um and yeah, like I guess like the lack of boundaries would be one thing. But it it would be the same answer. Like we're just trying to redirect people who don't have boundaries back to Jesus.

SPEAKER_07 1:30:28

But I think in addition to that, the way that you live your life is gonna testify to the respect that Jesus has shown you. And so that way they know that that's possible for them. And so that you don't always have to say those things. Because I've even communicated boundaries to younger Christians that I have, and they don't get it. And they in ways like poked fun. And I can think whatever I want to- Poked fun, like made fun or like yeah, like made fun of it. And I can I can allow myself to either think less of them because they just don't carry themselves that way. Or I can just continue to live that out and allow like the fruit to show from that boundary. Because I I know why I'm choosing to do that, and I know in obedience, like what it will bear. And I don't have to I also don't have to explain that to somebody else who maybe just isn't there yet either. But I can let like that just represent within my life. And I think too, like, when we have young young leaders or young people who are looking at us, um I think sometimes we can just do it. Because also like Jesus would just respect them regardless. So it's like respect them, but then yeah, also live it for yourself and that allows others to be like So that's why that doesn't happen to them. Or that's why they when they walk into spaces, people listen. Oh, that's why when you know they they like the Lord and Holy Spirit will like deposit in them, oh that's why this is the outcome, because they've chosen in their own time, in their intimacy with you, to place a boundary with even the same sex, like it doesn't even matter, just like they've just chosen to respect themselves.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:32:24

Did you have a thought or no?

SPEAKER_04 1:32:25

Yeah, it's kind of like a it's not a well-developed thought.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:31

But it's okay, we can move on. Not just kidding.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:35

He wasn't kidding. He wasn't.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:38

I really was.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:38

Um I think like I was like, as you were like talking about like the self-respect, I was like, I don't think I've ever been like in a situation where the other person hasn't respected themselves to where like I can't respect them. Um but then like as you described it more, I was like, man, like I have.

SPEAKER_06 1:32:58

Please tell them everything.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:03

This is something I've like I've felt strong conviction for like probably a while, but it's just something that I feel like a lot of Christians struggle with. But gossip and like um just gossip period and like drama is such a intense topic. I think because it's come to bite me like in the butt that I've seen where like how I've gotten myself involved and like how how I have how I have like caught myself like in that mix. And I just remember like recently I took a step back when it came to like fight me in the butt. I took a step back and I was like man like it really isn't worth it to like talk such bad things about other people and like talk so low about other people and their name and how they do things and how they speak and how they how they operate, how they think, um how they dress. Like it's just not worth it because not that because it hurt me, but because like why would I like why that just shows that I don't respect someone? Like at the end of the day, it shows one that I don't respect them and that I don't love them enough to like just understand like where they're coming from. And so recently that's been like that's been like my like that's been like my work on right now is like not finding myself in those situations where it's all about gossip, like that's the only conversation. Um or like there has to be like someone we have to talk about, or like there has to be something bad that we can like pick at that person. Does that make sense? Um and so I think like I I I like what Jagger said, like kind of just living out that standard of knowing exactly who you are, and a lot of it stems from identity too. I think I think back to like um like me and Kate's friendship and how during during our LIT year, like we were not friends at all, like we were not like close to friends, and I think that was for a reason, but then as as like that year went on and and then we went on that trip together, even after that, I was like, yeah, there's just certain things that like we're never gonna like she'll never understand about my lifestyle, and I'll never understand about her lifestyle. Um, but I think as like our lives have like kind of merged together, there's certain things that she understands now, like certain things that I do now because I like respect myself. Not saying that Kate doesn't respect herself, but there are also certain things that Kate doesn't do that I didn't understand, but now I do understand, like, oh she doesn't gossip for this reason. Okay, like that like two years ago that didn't make sense to me, but now I'm like, okay, yeah, that makes so much sense. That makes a lot of sense. Um, and again, like it was vice versa, like things that I did to respect myself and things that she did to respect herself. Then now we're finally like on a obviously there's there's still growth, but there's like this mutual understanding that because now we both respect each other. But again, it also stems from like growing in our identity. Like I wouldn't know how to I wouldn't know how to understand her like if I couldn't just see her as a daughter and same same thing. Same thing uh the other way around. Yeah. That's so good.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:26

Yeah. I think also because we talked about it yesterday, where I said invite.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:34

We were all working.

SPEAKER_07 1:36:36

We were all working. No, we were we were talking about uh a young leader and like the mannerisms that she jokes with when she when it comes to like interacting with me. And Kate's like, that's just super disrespectful, but I don't know why you don't say anything. And I was like, because I just don't give it a second thought. And because even her and her sister have expressed, like, why do you let that happen? However, it's like, well, I think also being disrespected, it it's like this, like uh how do I say this? You you can allow yourself to be disrespected or you can just move on. Um and I think in that moment I was just like, the state of which she like the state of which she's like saying that or that that young leader is saying those words just shows me the state of her mind. And I don't have to be I don't have to like put myself lower to be disrespected by that. I can just move on. So I think I think on the other end of respecting others, being disrespected, it's like, well, are you gonna allow yourself to be disrespected? Are you in a space to like communicate that or are you just gonna move on? Because you know that maybe that other person is just not in the mindset to receive, like, hey, you just don't do that. Yeah. You know? And so I think there's also this like when when is it time to redirect somebody as well?

SPEAKER_06 1:38:11

We've had a really great conversation. You're gonna have to stick around for a part two of this episode. Uh yeah, we want to respect John's time. We got a lot to talk about, and we'll continue the conversation. Thank you all. We'll have to talk to our friends. We're going to continue our conversation. You're just gonna hear it.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:30

Later on. Later on.

SPEAKER_06 1:38:32

A couple weeks, maybe. Hopefully, maybe even sooner, right? Would anybody like to pray for us?

SPEAKER_07 1:38:40

I can pray. Okay. Jesus, I just want to say thank you again for just the way that you've led this conversation. I pray over every word that has just been spoken, everything that we've talked about, and I pray over those who are listening, that if there was just something stirring in their heart, Lord, that it wasn't out of shame, it wasn't out of like trying to push someone over, but it I just pray that they would understand that it's just by your spirit that you're wanting to bring about wisdom, clarity, peace, and that they would move in obedience. And although it might feel scary and it might seem just weird or unfamiliar, would they just be able to trust in your goodness and your faithfulness within the relationships, the friendships, um every every relationship that you just placed around them. And so Lord, I surrender this conversation. I thank you again for the opportunity to do this alongside my friends. I thank you for the way that you've united us and the way that you just honestly just walked alongside all four of us as a team, but also as individuals. And I thank you, Lord, for showing up today. So we love you, Lord. We hand this over to you. It's in Jesus' name that I pray. Amen. We see you in part two. Part two.