7. It’s about how growth means making room for what’s coming.

This episode focuses on the personal growth that occurs when we start to reach our goals and the need for adjusting our habits, environments, and social circles to maintain the blessings of change in our lives.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Hey everybody, I am so excited that you're here listening in. Um, I am super ready to get started. Uh, this is episode seven, so I am just grateful that we're here in this space. I'm really grateful that we are um been on this journey for as long as we have been. So this is super exciting. Let's go ahead and get going with the seventh episode of Keeping It Together. Uh, by the way, my name is Ari. If this is your first time tuning in, please feel free to listen to this episode or earlier episodes or whatever is speaking to you at the time. Um, so let's just dive right in. I wanted to tell you guys about something that I did recently. I'm a school counselor, so I work at a school, and during my school year, I have a spring break. So that's always lovely and handy, uh, a time to take it easy, to relax, um, and then you know, be restorative and come back to work ready to go. So during my spring break this year, as I do with many of my spring breaks, I just chose to get more organized. Specifically with my closet. My closet has been a source of anxiety for me for quite some time. Um, I felt like every time I was walking in there, I was just, it was too full. It was full of stuff I wasn't using anymore, and it was just problematic. I was not enjoying it in there. Um, and it was causing me a lot of stress and anxiety just trying to sort through everything. So I decided that along with other areas of the house that I was gonna go ahead and do a closet clean out, really edit my closet. And I had to assess now that I'm in this new new space, uh, fortunately I was able to lose some weight, so I felt like I had a brand new body and I was like, oh, I can, you know, have all these. I went shopping and got some other clothes, and that felt great. But what you notice is that your closet, if you don't kind of edit your closet along with your changes, then you just have a bunch of clothes in there, and you gotta have to sort through what works, what doesn't. There's a lot more disappointment because you'll put something on that maybe was like your favorite dress or your favorite outfit, and it's just like, oh man, this doesn't fit at all, or this doesn't look good. I feel like I look, you know, not myself, and it's painful to kind of go through that over and over again, especially considering that a lot of those clothes were some of your favorite things. And as I was doing it, I just felt like this parallel between this and also our lives and my lives specifically. When we go through major changes, we start to go after the things and the goals and the visions that God puts on our hearts to achieve, and we actually see ourselves doing that actively, which is amazing. A lot of the things, the routines, the um habits, even some of the friendships, like some of the environments that we are in love with don't really fit in anymore. Even some of our thought processes are gonna have to shift and change, along with the shift and the change that has happened in your life. So, what I want to do is do a a really like dig deep with this topic. I think it's super important. Um, if you've been listening from um like episode one, we talked about our visions and how to like understand what they are and how to see what's from God. And my hope is that if you've gone through this with all of us through the entire process up till now, you'll really have a lot more not just movement in hitting a lot of the goals, but you probably have hit them and landed some places that are in alignment with where you're supposed to be. And that's amazing, but it also can feel a little bit empty because a lot of the things and places and stuff that you used to have, you no longer fit into anymore. And after God does this amazing work in yourself, and you notice that you don't fit into some of the places and spaces that you used to, there's like an emptiness and a loneliness that sometimes can happen. So I want to really pull that apart together. I want to talk about what that process truly, truly looks like. And using that closet metaphor, um, really narrow in on some ways that we can change up our thinking about this issue. So let's just start with um some of the emotions that can happen when we do the removal process. So when I pulled everything out, there is and it is a process. And I believe that the closet metaphor does hold up in this because let's say you get into this new phase or space of your life, right? You're it's wonderful, you feel like yourself, you feel like you're doing the thing that you need to be doing. That's that's amazing. That's amazing. Now you have to look at your life and assess what are the things that I'm going to need to leave behind or change up in order to maintain that. There's gonna be some things that you either have to leave completely in the past or wildly change what they look like so that way you can maintain the space that God has now put you in. So as I went through everything, I was very meticulous and I held up the items in my closet and I tried a lot of them on. Some of them I didn't need to try on because I was very well aware, oh, this item fits perfectly. I I already know that that fits, it's fine, I'll go ahead and keep this one. Like jeans that I've purchased recently because you know I needed another pair of jeans because then my jeans fit. That was easy. But some of the other things that I still really liked, but couldn't figure out why I didn't feel confident in them in them. I had to try them on again and see, like, is this item ill-fitting? Or is this item too old? Has it been here for too long and now it's starting to not serve its purpose? And then you remove it, right? And you create a big pile of things that you don't need. That's that editing portion. Or you might make a decision that let's say you bought a very beautiful outfit andor a dress or something like that, and you feel like it could fit if you just alter some things, which you know, if you're willing to make the investment, is fantastic. That actually happened with a dress of mine. I was like, I love this dress so much, I don't want to throw it away. I feel like this is a beautiful dress, and if I just take it in a little bit and repair something on it, it will fit me and I will feel confident in it. And I did that. Now I had to pay for it, but to me it was worth holding on to. So you will have to go ahead and assess. So, what are some of the habits, relationships, or um environments that you need to change or remove? And which ones can stay? So you might decide, like some of the newer relationships, people that you've met along the journey. Oh, those are great relationships. I need to hold on to them, or these habits that you have. Like I am in the habit now of always having a very protein-heavy breakfast. Um, it helps me have more mental clarity. You might maintain that. That's not something that you that's something you've developed in your new season that you know you need to hold on to. So hold on to those things, keep them in your closet. And then some of the other things that you just like, this is wildly inappropriate. Like this, this, this outfit or this thing, this place, this space, this activity does not fit me anymore. This is not the kind of person that I am anymore. I have to remove it and it's not even a question. So really start assessing like, is this not just asking yourself like on social media, it's a very popular thing to ask, you know, yourself, does this serve me? It's not necessarily about what serves you, but what helps you be of service. Any calling that we have is so that God can help us to be better servants. He puts you in places so that you can serve him in different capacities. Now, this place that God saw fit to place you in, it's amazing, right? God has placed you in this spot to become a more effective servant, or he wants you to serve in this way. And you can't do this type of service in different types of outfits. It's not about making sure that you only hold on to things that serve you because that you then you get into the mentality of saying, what is it that only makes me feel good? What makes me feel good? You're asking yourself, what is going to help me do the work that is ahead of me? So as you're and like analyzing, does this person, habit, or place allow me to serve more effectively than you can hold on to it? And then it comes the then comes the question of what is the stuff that I can maybe hold on to, but I need to change. I need to edit them, I need to change the way that I do it. And I believe that that list is usually a lot shorter than the stuff that we just have to get rid of. The get just get rid of it one is a lot longer. It's a lot faster, it can be more painful sometimes, but also there's pain in going through the work of changing these things. There's gonna be some type of time that's spent, sometimes resources that's spent. Like anytime you take something to a tailor, you have to go in, go find the pieces for you to like change it up, and then you need to go ahead and pay for that. But if that thing, place, person, and usually with our people, is worth it, then you'll put in the work to make sure you get to a good space. You'll put in that work, and sometimes it still won't work, and that's okay. So assess that. Now, here's the next thing that comes part comes out of this is after I cleaned everything out and I saw this giant pile of outfits that I used to love. I used to love some of these clothes, um, just things that I remember having these memories in just on the floor. And I was kind of sad. And I was like, okay, I had to remember remind myself that these things do not allow me to be effective in the new space that I've been called to, so they do need to go. And I looked in my closet and I experienced two emotions. One, I had so much clarity, a great deal of clarity. I could walk in, I knew exactly what I had, I could get exactly what I needed, and walk on out. And I used to spend so much time in my closet looking for something to wear because it was surrounded by stuff I couldn't wear. So now I could walk in there and I had this like sense of calm because I'm like, oh, jeans. There's the jeans, and I only have this amount of jeans. Great, jeans. Let's go ahead and put them on, and you can find a couple of tops and then make it work. Fantastic. However, as I had everything removed, I was a little bit saddened by this too. Because I felt like I had removed so much there was spaces and holes in my closet that I didn't have anything right now to really fill it. And I was like, oh man, I don't have any nice going out tops anymore. Or I'm I I had to get rid of stuff that I couldn't, you know, fit anymore. So that means I'm out of like striped t-shirts. I love stripes. Um, I have too many striped things. And I had to get rid of a lot of the clothes that I really liked, or getting rid of t-shirts that were memories to me that I used to like sleep in. I'm like, oh, I don't, where's my pajamas? I don't have anything. So there was some frustration with the emptiness as well, because I was missing some of the things that I used to do, and I hadn't replaced those things with things that were gonna serve me a little bit better. And as you start going through a cleanup of your life to fit more into the space that God's called you into currently, you too might feel a little emptiness, a little loneliness, a little, you know, well, what do I do now feeling? I on Saturdays, I used to go out and party with my friends, and now that I've edited that from my life or I've changed and you know, cleaned it up, I've decided not to do that because it was not gonna allow me to do the thing that you know God is really calling me to, I don't know what to do on Saturday, and that's gonna make you feel some type of way, it's gonna make you feel sad, and that's a completely normal emotion, and we should feel that way. We've lost something that's normal. So as you are going through your own clean out or edit of the things that you used to do, the the places you used to go, or the people you used to hang out with, so that you can fit better into the space that God is calling you in, the work that He's calling you to do, you very well can feel along with the clarity and the freedom of not being surrounded by stuff that is not working for you anymore, you can also feel a great deal of sadness. Because it's like, well, God, what do you want me to do now? What am I gonna do on Saturday night? What am I gonna eat now that you've told me to change up my my diet? Like I'm I'm tired of eating chicken breast and broccoli. What do I do now? So bring that to the Lord. Ask him and say, God, um, what is it that you want me to do to fill these spaces? Are some of these spaces not going to be filled right now? Is it okay for them to stay empty? And he will start to give you answers and provide you with the wisdom moving forward. After you've kind of gone through that process, you've edited things, you even experience some of the loneliness or maybe the emptiness that can come across when you are in that space of trying to create an environment that better suits where you've been called to. Next comes the part where you get to try on new things, you get to actually go purchase things because you very well could have gotten rid of every sweater that you owned. I got rid of a lot of stuff. I think the jeans was the biggest one. I was like, I had to get rid of so many pants. And I'm like, what am I gonna put on my bottom half? I don't have any pants. So now I get to do things like go shopping for pants, and I I like buying tops. I will buy tops all day long. I think it's fun. Usually I can find something that fits me without having to try it on, it's way easier. Finding jeans and dresses is a headache to me because you have to go in, you have to get so many different cuts and fits and see which ones look good, and then you have this vision in your head of what it's gonna look like, and it doesn't look like that at all. There's a lot more expense with buying jeans, and that was the thing that I needed to go buy. So in that process, you know, you I went to Nordstrom's Rack uh to try and find some pants for this new for this new space that I was in, and I think I was trying on like maybe 20 or 30 pairs of jeans, and it's exhausting to go through that process. I know some people really love shopping and trying on new things and seeing what fits and what doesn't. I'm not the fan, I'm not a fan of that. I just want to show up and have somebody hand me all the things that fit. I don't want to go through the homework of it, but it was what I had to do. And I was able through a lot of trial and error, mostly error, find a couple of pieces that were fit me great. Sometimes I stumbled upon pieces that were like, oh, this is perfect. This is the this is the perfect size top and cut that's gonna fit me and make me feel confident. This is fantastic. I'm gonna hold on to this. Sometimes you just stumble into those things. And a lot of other times you have to you gotta dig through it, you gotta find it. And it's gonna take you a while to find the space and the place that you feel the most comfortable. All types of things as you're going through trying to replenish what was lost. I do want to help you with this and just let you know something that there is going to be some discouragement. As you experiment, you're gonna feel some discouragement because not everything is going to fit just right. You might try and meet some new friends, and that whole thing doesn't really work out. You might try to find some new jobs that more that are more aligned with what you believe you're you're called to and not get some callbacks right away. Um, you're gonna have to fill out a lot of applications. You're gonna try some new routines that literally you tried it for like a week and you couldn't maintain it. There's gonna be a lot more things that don't work than do. And as you're doing that, I don't want you to be discouraged. So expect that this is a trial and error process, but don't be discouraged by that. But instead, try and find some excitement in that process. Hold on tight also to the things that you do know work for you. So that might be a really close relationship, that might be a routine that you have developed in this phase of life that just really, really works for you. Hold close to those things as you keep trying to dig for what can work for you in this new season. One side note, too, just to keep in mind, is that this replacement of things, it's a process and it does take time. So although it might be your intention to handle that in a week's time, it may not work out that way. So that trial and error process could take months to a year or longer. You're gonna really have to work to figure out what works, and that's the hard part of it because it's like you still feel the emptiness and the loneliness in the in the middle of that, or you still feel like maybe lost in the middle of that. You have to keep trusting, keeping your eyes fixed on God throughout that process, and let the process play itself out. It might not be an immediate switch up, it might take a while. So while I was preparing for this episode, um there was a piece of scripture that I had heard in church that really just rung true for me that I think is so applicable in this situation. Um and it comes from the book of Isaiah, Isaiah 54. It's verses one through three, and I'll just go ahead and shout um not shout them, I'll go ahead and state them here for you. Sing, O childless woman, you who have never given birth, break into a loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, you who have never been in labor. For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband. Enlarge your house, build an additional. Spread out your home and spare no expense, for soon you will be bursting at the seams. Your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined cities. And the reason why this verse really stuck with me was this part about enlarging your house, putting on an addition, spread out your home in the face of being what feels like desolate. You're missing a lot of things. You feel like you're not having some of the things that you want to have or need to have to be what you're called to be. This woman who's called to be a mom, that's the metaphor that's being used here, or called to ex, you know, to expand, called to produce things beyond themselves. You know, there's nothing there currently. So, you know, it's gonna make you feel desolate and sad. But the call is to sing, to rejoice and be joyfully singing. That's a that's a key, that's amazing. And the call is also to expand, to prepare for an increase. Put an addition on your house, it says, because soon you'll be bursting at the seams. Soon you will have even more of what you thought you would have. So as you are going through your edits or cleanouts of your life, knowing what you've been called to do, you also need to be okay with that expansion. A clean out is just so that you can expand your capacity for what God has for you. Because when God does give you what he has for you, you'll be bursting at the seams with it. So as you are going through this process, you're seeing the emptiness take place, and you're going through the frustration of trying on new habits, trying on new routines, trying to make new friends, trying to find new places to hang out, new places to work. It can be very frustrating. But in that we're called to sing and to keep trying to expand ourselves. And that's what's so amazing in this process. So, my hope and my prayer for you guys is that you would not be discouraged in this process, especially if you feel like you've worked very hard to get to this place. And now that you're here, it's like, well, now what do I do? Nothing works anymore. Be encouraged to start going through this new place and new space that you're in. Remove the things that don't need to be there. Edit and change the things that need to be changed and sing because you know that good things are still coming for you. All right, I love you guys, and I'm so excited that you decided to listen in. Um, keep following me on social media. I love to give updates on new episodes and trust try to uh be inspirational for you all. Um keep on listening in. I'll see you again soon. All right, talk to you soon. Bye.