8. It's about a different outlook of self control.

This episode focuses on controlling yourself to do what you are called to do and how we can stop trying to control what belongs to God.

Transcript

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Welcome back, everybody. I'm so excited to get into this episode with you all. Um, it's been a couple of weeks. I've had some time to really think about what um I feel like God is teaching me, and then just share that with you all. I feel like that's what this podcast is becoming. Um, so I'm excited. Welcome, welcome to Keeping It Together. My name's Ari. So let's just dive right in. During this past few weeks, I've been really thinking about this idea of self-control. Um, and it's a really important idea. I think there's a lot of notions about what self-control means, especially in the Christian community. Um, and especially as we're trying to really dig deep and pursue the things that God has put on our hearts to pursue. Um, we're a lot of discipline is required for that, as we always talk about. Like, discipline is this hot topic and word that we use a lot as we're trying to like um glow up or revamp our lives or whatever it is. That's a very trendy phrase to use. Um, but in discipline, of course, there is this idea of self-control, and self-control is really, really biblical. Um, and I thought about this while I was just doing my commute and really just praying and thinking and seeking God, and that this phrase came to my mind, and I was really just blown away with it because I realized that God does not ask us to control anything except ourselves. But we spend a lot of our time trying to control everything else around us. We're trying to control our kids, we're trying to control our coworkers, our spouses, our circumstances. And there's this notion that if I control everything else around me, then I will be able to be in perfect self-control. Because controlling yourself amidst all of the hardships and trials of life is a lot more difficult than trying to like aimlessly kind of fix all these little things that you feel are wrong. And we think that a lot of the times what's wrong is the things outside of ourselves, and sometimes things are definitely not good or not happy or not what we would like them to be, but the control is not within those things, it's still within us. And although it's so difficult to control the self, it's the only thing you really have the power to control. I've really thought about this, and I thought about me controlling myself, what does that mean? So, in order for us to dig deeper into this subject, I think we need to really examine why we avoid self-control. And even as I'm saying these words, my heart just feels kind of heavy because I have so much empathy for those who are just trying to get control over every single thing except themselves. Because this life is hard when the problems arrives arrive, we just really believe that it's the problems and not us. Especially in my role as a mom, I think about this a lot because although I do have like authority as a mom, and I make a lot of a lot of the decisions um on behalf of my children, I cannot control their actions. I can't control how they're gonna feel that day. Like if I tell them to do something, they have the choice because they have control of themselves, to do it or not do it. And that is frustrating, and it's frustrating to try and really desire to do the right thing, to really desire to want to pursue the things that God has told you to, but there's all these other factors that get in the way of that, and the pain is so real. Um, I find myself sometimes even in my own like walk, just I'm tired, I am saddened, and I wonder and I ask myself, how am I supposed to control myself amidst this really, really serious heartache that I'm experiencing? Whether it's in my work or in my role as a parent or even in my role as a friend, like, how am I supposed to control myself when my heart is broken? How am I supposed to do the work that you're calling me to do in the middle of this heartbreak? I don't, I don't feel like I have control of myself. What am I supposed to do with this? I can't move unless this thing changes. I cannot get better at this. So there's this contrast immediately of like, okay, we're called to practice self-control, but the self is one of the hardest things to control. So what do you do? What do you tell yourself? What do you lock into to try and control yourself when your heart is broken or when you're exhausted, or when there is something that is much bigger than you that you can't seem to get a hold of? The most important thing to focus on when it comes to answering that question, because I don't want to leave that question unanswered, is to focus on exactly what it is that is in the realm of your control. Because your actions are the only thing that you really have. What you decide, what you choose to do. So as you move into these spaces, places, and spaces of hardship where you're trying to gain self-control, you have to focus on what you can do. And then putting something into action is gonna give you a little bit more peace. And you can ask God for clarity on the actions that you are supposed to take at the time. Instead of looking at the other person or the other thing to make sure that that gets changed, then I'll feel more self-control, be able to behave in a way that's more God honoring, that's more obedient. You practice the obedience anyway. You ask and you see what is the thing that I'm supposed to do? Is it in action? Is it staying still? There's an answer to that question, and you have to focus on what the answer to the question is for yourself. Now, a lot of the times in this self-control mindset, um, I have always found that, like, oh, I'm I have great self-control because I'm so patient, or I'm trying to be patient and I'm trying to be still and wait on God. But what I recently realized was that this definition of what self-control is needs to be redefined. Because I used to think self-control was a stillness and a quiet patience waiting through really, really difficult seasons. There wasn't a lot of motion. Now, in a lot of cases, that is true. That is completely true. We are called to be still and wait on the Lord. Absolutely. But there's also times, especially in scriptures, where God calls us to move despite how we feel, or to keep doing the same thing over and over and over again until He brings forth the promise or the blessing. So self-control is both the stillness, the patience, and the waiting, but it's also in action. It's movement, it's doing the hard things as they're coming. In order to illustrate this further, I really want to talk about a specific conversation that I was having with a friend about just our lives. We were talking about the things that we were trying to pursue, we were really talking about our goals. Both of us are very um strategic and we are type A and we're trying to figure out the things that God has called us to do and then do them. That is definitely our mode, which is awesome. And I was explaining this concept to her of me thinking that I have to be so patient and I have to just wait on things. I was like, I'm just waiting, uh I want to see if you know what God opens up or when He opens a door for me, and then I'm gonna walk through it. And then she said, and sometimes you're gonna need to bang on that door so that it'll open. Not all the times will you show up at a door and it'll just open automatically for you. And I think that is the real crux of what I'm saying here. Because we have self-control, right? And we have painted this Christian picture of what self-control looks like. It is still, it is quiet, it is patient, it's a martyr. And sometimes it can be. But a lot of the times, especially when we look at the Bible, when we look at the Old Testament, I like to think about Jacob wrestling with the angel. Like we have to fight for the things that we know that God is placing before us. There's a challenge, there's some part of the wrestling to get there that he wants us to endure so we're prepared to actually go into that space. When the Israelites were going into the promise line, they had to keep fighting all these enemies to get this land that they thought that, you know, was already laid aside for them. And a lot of the times in our goals and our pathways, we think that we're gonna just arrive and it's gonna be open and perfect, and we just walk right on in. So we're sitting still, waiting for those things to look like that. We just like wait patiently. God just wants us to be patient. We want to sit still, we want to go ahead and keep going and um you know about our day, and we'll just wait for God to open the door. But there are things that God has placed in front of you that you know are yours. And because it doesn't look like a like I can easily walk into it without any type of fight, we think that it's not for us, and we change directions, and God never calls you to change directions. Self-control sometimes looks like banging on the door. It's not passive faith, it's active obedience to the thing that you know that you're supposed to do. So, for example, let's say you have a weight loss goal that you're trying to pursue. A lot of the times, and this is what happened for me, um, you'll be engaging in a lot of the activities and habits that you're going to need to engage in to see results, and then you'll plateau, which is normal. Um, and in that plateau, it's very easy to get defeated. You're like, well, I guess that God doesn't want me to go any further than this. I guess this is it. No, you have to keep going. You're not called to stop yet. You're here, you're fighting through this little space because God has brought you here to fight through this space to get you to the other side of that. Okay, so I really want to dig deeper into this idea. Um, and I'm gonna go ahead and read from Genesis 32. It's the point in the Bible where Jacob is really wrestling with God, um, as he has basically, it feels like he's hit a wall in what he's what God is trying to tell him to do. Um, so he's there. I'll start at verse 22, 3222. During the night, Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two servant wives, his eleven sons, and crossed the Jacob River with them. After taking them to the other side, he sent over all his possessions. This left Jacob alone in the camp, and a man came and wrestled with him until the dawn began to break. The man saw that he would not win the match. He touched Jacob's hip and wrenched it out of its socket. The man said, Let me go, for dawn is breaking. But Jacob said, I will not let you go until you bless me. What is your name? The man asked. He replied, Jacob. Your name will no longer be Jacob. The man told him, From now on you will be called Israel, because you have fought with God and with men, and you have won. So I'm stopping there at verse 28. And I think that's so important when we're talking about this act of obedience and act of self-control, not just passivity and what it is that we think that God is doing in our lives. Jacob was brought to this place, he handles his business, and he's waiting alone for you know the next event to take place. And in there, in that space, the angel of the Lord comes and wrestles him. And he wrestles with him until the morning time. And even when the guy was like, I'm done, like you let go. It's it's the day is breaking. He's like, I'm not leaving without my blessing. I'm not leaving until you bless me. And in that moment, God changes his name. He changes who he is, he changes his identity in that wrestling space. And I think that's so crucial for us. Um in a culture where we are taught to be really, really patient, which is true. We should be patient. But patience doesn't always look like sitting still. Patience, a lot of the time, looks like wrestling until you hit the space that you're supposed to hit. You know that there's a thing that's out there for you to do, a person that you are supposed to become. And God wants you to become that person, but you cannot become her or him unless you fight to get there. At least for me personally. That was such a news flash. And it put a lot more accountability on me to do the things despite what things look like. I can control whether I choose to fight for what I know God has placed before me. I can choose to keep banging on the door that I know God has literally dropped me in front of. I can keep banging on that door until it opens and believe and trust God. Like I'm not leaving here without the blessing that you said I could have. Or I can choose to sit there and not. All of it comes down to control of the self. There's another biblical figure that has been on my mind as well. And I think that this biblical figure is so important because he just represents a lot of what I think contemporary Christians do. So if you're reading through 1 Samuel, you're gonna read a lot about Saw, Saul. And his types of like disobedience was this like subtle disobedience that I just see a lot in the contemporary Christian world, specifically in the states. He had a lot of issues with his own self-esteem, and he looked to people to validate him a lot. So when he was making choices, it was about they were all rooted in that. Even when the anointing of the Lord came upon him, he still was making choices that I was like, bro, what are you doing? And there's this really specific choice that he makes. Okay, so I because it's so long, I'm not gonna read through the entire thing, but in 1 Samuel 15, there is a battle that takes place, and Saul is called to destroy literally everything from this enemy. Uh, he said, handle it. Like make sure you destroy all the people and all the livestock. Don't take anything. But Saul is disobedient and he leaves one man, one of the leaders, alive, and then takes some of the best oxen and livestock for himself that he claims that later he was gonna go ahead and use as burnt offerings to the Lord. And then there's this verse that says, uh, from Saul Samuel to Saul, what is more pleasing to the Lord? Your burnt offerings and sacrifice, or your obedience to his voice? Listen, obedience is better than sacrifice, and submission is better than offering the fat of rams. Rebellion is as sinful as witchcraft, and stubbornness as bad as worshiping idols. So because you have rejected the command of the Lord, he has rejected you as king. I think that that is so important for us to take note of because it's the little pieces of disobedience. If we are getting so far into our walk, and then we only do a little bit of it, or we don't go all of the way through with the action that God calls us to do, that type of disobedience and rebellion is as bad as witchcraft and as bad as idolatry. And that is so important for us because he did pretty much everything else that he was supposed to do, except the little bit. He didn't push just the little bit further. He didn't wrestle with some of the discomfort of doing something that he was maybe afraid of the people to do. I think that that is crucial for us to take note of. We have to wrestle sometimes. We have to wrestle until the break of dawn in order for us to see that blessing come through. We have to finish the job in its entirety. And it may not be simple or easy, but to do just a little bit of it or to go just to the door but not bang on it for a while, that's still disobedience. Our patience and our self-control is not always passive. Sometimes it's action-based. So as you guys are thinking about what actions you need to go ahead and lock into, what is the door that you have been like God has led you all the way up to this door that you feel like you need to bang on it for a while in order for it to open, take note of it and take heart that God has placed you there and that He will go ahead and open the door and bring forth the blessing and change your identity in the process by doing that. All right, guys, love you all. Um, please keep following me on social media. We'll have some more episodes coming up soon. Um, I can't wait to get into another one with you guys. You have an amazing day.

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Bye.