Unlearning Earthly Fatherhood

Our understanding of God is often filtered through our experience of our earthly father. In this episode, we unlearn earthly fatherhood and discover the personal, unconditional love of our Heavenly Father.

Transcript

Host: Smilla 0:00

Hello guys, happy new year. I don't know if that's allowed to say. Can you still say that, Mid-Jan? I haven't spoken to you guys since last year, so in my defense, you gotta give me a second to catch up, okay? So morning, afternoon, evening, whatever time that you're watching this, whatever platform you're watching this on, um, you are very, very welcome to Revival Podcast. I am your host, Smilla. People call me Smile, and this is episode two. That's crazy.

Recap

Host: Smilla 0:31

Last episode, last year, we spoke about um how important it is to reflect and evaluate what's in our hands, especially in a praying posture when we are praying for something and um allowing God to not just give us the answered prayer and the miracle or the blessing that we're praying for, but actually being in a posture where we can hold it and receive it. As holidays has just been, and we're meeting a lot of family and and younglings, maybe if you have any niece and nephews or or siblings or cousins or or whichever, I met a lot of children and a vision that I kind of received or a visual was how me going to the gym or me carrying something super, super heavy, like I would never place that in the hand of a child because they're not strong enough to hold it, right? Um, and that's kind of how God sees us, he knows exactly what we can carry, what posture we are standing in before we do, before he knows us more than we know ourselves, right? Before like more than anyone knows us. And um, he would never give us anything that we can't handle. So if you haven't watched that episode, I would highly recommend giving it a tune in. I might even do a part two at some point because that was something that really blessed myself. Um, me reevaluating in my life areas that I need to um to let go of. One that I opened up recently to my um to my circle was my struggling with sleeping, and I've been praying about better sleep for for many, many years, but I'm not gonna be able to receive the blessing, guys, if I'm still clinging on to the fear and going into agreement with fear. So yeah, let's just together this year, we're gonna let go, we're gonna just receive open God's blessing, and we're gonna move forward in revival and restoration in Jesus' name. But yeah, moving on. Um, episode two, guys, it's a new year, new chapter. In this episode two, I really felt God wanted me to elucidate how our heavenly father is nothing like our earthly father. I think what's so amazing about God, how he created us and allow so many different individual stories is how every single testimony is so significant. And regardless if your parental figures were broken, strained, or limited, um, simply not there at all. However, you grew up, even if you had the best parents ever, whatever experience that you had is nothing like our Heavenly Father. So I'm gonna try and elucidate that, and I think because there's something God laid on my heart, it's definitely nothing that I would have chosen if I'm gonna be honest. And I think it's because completely honest, I struggle to be vulnerable. I struggle to let people in. In a topic like this, it's impossible not to touch this topic without me speaking from experience. So I think God not only wanted me to talk about this to bless you guys and hopefully share some wisdom and and tools with you, but for me to grow as well. So revival is not just for y'all, it's for me too. So let's unpack this together. Let's first pray. God, I just thank you for who you are. I thank you that you know us more than we know ourselves. That you don't just want us involved in your plans, but you want us to grow and develop and become our best selves. And that includes confronting certain areas of us that we might want to avoid or want to put on the shelf or postpone dealing with. I pray that you give us the strength and courage today as we listen and as I talk today, that we will have the courage to face certain areas that we haven't faced in a long, long time, and that you will restore with your truth, with your love. I pray that I will be like a stereo to your microphone. Speak through me and let your words and will be done. In Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen. So I grew up in a non-Christian household. My dad was an atheist, and my mom didn't really start practicing Christianity until much, much later. Um, after me. So as a child, the only father figure that I knew was my dad. And I would have a lot of multiple mother figures because my mom had a big friend group. Um, I had a lot of aunties and and I had a lot of female teachers, but I didn't have male teachers, I didn't have uncles that were like that we were very close to, at least not growing up. They lived abroad. And my dad didn't have a social circle, friends was not really his thing. Um so he was the only male that I kind of saw until I was old enough to like play with friends, and and even so I didn't really see like my friends' stats that much either. Um now that come to think of it. But I definitely obviously remember like my dad was the only father figure that I really knew. The only like other guys around my dad that I saw was like his employees or builders when he was doing projects, but he wasn't like close with them, he wasn't like friends with them. So even so, I was only exposed to like my dad. He was the only father figure that I knew. And it wasn't until I started leaving my parental responsibilities a bit and started hanging out with friends that I was really exposed to a different perspective of parental figures, and it was very contrasting to how my parents were towards me versus how my friend's parents were towards them. And um, I grew up learning a very transactional love. Validation and affirmation was based on performance, so I became very performative at home, helping out with parental responsibilities and um both because my parents were absent, but also due to the void I had of wanting to feel genuinely loved, wanted, and not for what I do, but for who I am. And although I'm very, very happy that I grew up the way I did, with the parents that I had because it shaped me, it shaped the way I am, due to my earthly father falling short, it did lead to me projecting my earthly father experience onto how God sees me. So going into Christianity, that was something the enemy would often mirror and whisper to me, and maybe to you too, that my dad didn't listen to me, so why would God listen to me? My dad never said I love you or I'm proud of you, and physical affection was rare if not unknown, so surely God doesn't love me either. If my dad was going to spend time with me, I would have to join his staff, so surely I would have to work for God's attention too. If my dad keeps records of wrongs, why would God pass on them? And as I've

What is true Love?

Host: Smilla 8:24

been walking in my faith, I realized in many conversations over decades and decades that a lot of people tend to do the same. We tend to project our earthly experiences onto God, which makes sense because that's all we know, right? That was all that we were taught. Whatever has been normalized as a child, that's all we know. However, regardless of how you grew up, if you had an amazing dad and mom, an amazing home, or if you're like me who had a present father that wasn't really present, or maybe you had a father who wasn't present at all. Even the best dads fall short of perfect love. Because the only father that can give perfect love is God, our heavenly father, Yahweh, Jesus Christ. So what is perfect love? Take out your notes and your Bible. We are going to First Corinthians chapter thirteen verse four. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And perseveres is to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty with little or no indication of success. With other words, perseveres or persevering means to continue to love even when you see little or no indication of success. That's the cheat code, guys. When I first read this, I thought to myself, oh, that's a beautiful verse, but it seems a little bit too good to be true. Because the only love that I was taught at the time was a love that came with a catch. A love that came with limited conditions, a love that had to be earned. And as everyone on earth, including our parental figures, we all have flaws. We all fall short. However, when it comes to parents, some might be completely absent, and some might be broken, restrained, or simply limited. And this can shape how we imagine God sees us, which often isn't accurate. Both my parents grew up in very abusive broken environments. My dad was raised by alcoholics, my mom was raised in abuse and molestation until she was later adopted. And due to them still relearning and adapting to what love is and what being loved looked like whilst they were still adults, I didn't see the fruition of that journey until I was in my adult years later on, like already on my own. I was also there first, so my experience to my siblings are massively different. I grew up in a cafe my first years, and I think that's what normalized the idea of me at their workplace for my parents. Later, when they swapped careers, if I wanted to spend time with them as a kid, like four to six years old, I had to observe them at their workplace and help out with small tasks. Because at home, playtime was always rejected, and tension between my mom and dad was a 24/7 alert zone. I was eight when I started waitressing at my dad's restaurant, and between nine to eleven years old when I started uh working in his blockbuster store. And don't get me wrong, like again, most of my favorite memories that I have are from those times, like those moments as a child where I was um when I worked with them. And I loved it because I got to spend time with them, and I do think it's really healthy for children's brain development to help out with adult tasks as a child and and observe them at work and being exposed to those nature, but if it's in a heart posture where you're only wanting someone around, regardless of what relationship it is, obviously, from my experience I'm speaking from from child to parent, but regardless of what relationship it is, if your only reason to hang out and spend time with someone is to gain something back, it's very transactional and it's not the love that Corinthians and God is trying to teach us. And so in my case, due to playtime being rejected and the only quality time that was offered was um going to work with them, was that it did program me to believe that transactional love was the only love. So when it came to growing up, submitting to my partner and lowering my expectations, my standards in like my relationship as a teenager and and young adults was something that came with ease because that was something I had always done growing up. And so I pasted the same behavior in my other relationships, even my relationship with God, thinking that I would have to do all this X, Y, Z, and try to be perfect for God, for Him to love me, for Him to see me, for Him to hear me. But how good news is the actual truth that our Heavenly Father is nothing like our earthly Father, that we are loved. We are wanted, we are chosen. He is waiting with open arms to hug us, to hold our hand, to walk with us, to guide us, involve us in his plans. Him dying for you was intentional. He thought of you when he died on the cross. He thought of you specifically. Second Galatians um verse 20 says, The Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. This is unmistakably personal. Like Paul who wrote Galatians, like Paul doesn't say humanity here. He says me. Like this is a strong biblical evidence that Jesus' death was not abstract, it was not impersonal, it was specific, it was intentional and personal. If we move to Matthew 10: 30, and even the very hairs on your head are all numbered, so don't be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows. He knows how many hairs are on our head. Like all them apps and adverts that I keep seeing on like socials are like, when I watch who's like sneaking on your profile, when I watch who's stalking you, you don't need that for Jesus. Like he never left. Like he's watching you constantly. He's so obsessed with us. He knows how many hairs you have on your head right now, how many hairs you just lost in the shower, or this morning brushing your hair. Like if that's never happened to you, by the way, you are very blessed, okay? In this in this world and economy, if you don't lose your hair, I need to talk to you, okay? I need to take I need to take notes. Like, he is our biggest stalker because he's so obsessed with us. He loves us in a way that we can't even fathom. Like, knowing how many hairs are on my head, that takes a lot of watching and a lot of patience and a lot of like dedication to even want to continue counting, you know what I mean? And he died for you specifically, he died for us specifically, not just because he was convenient to just die for everyone, but because he saw you, he wanted to die for you. It's extremely personal. One of the main things why Jesus came down um or God was born in human flesh was to correct us, right? Correct the people. Um, because our perception and view of God was inaccurate, um, how people followed God was inaccurate, like how they followed certain laws, or how they their relationship with him was um built up um based on worldly traditions or human authority or uh false gods over the actual truth, right? And he came to correct and to teach, and some of the ways that he taught was through parables, and in your Bible, most of the stories are obviously historically true, and most things that actually happened, and then parables are in your Bible, which will be named a parable if it's a parable, um, were stories that were said but weren't actually something that happened. So Jesus used parables, which is basically telling a story with the intention and purpose of sharing wisdom or teaching a spiritual lesson. Um, he would do it for stories. You probably heard that pastors kind of share stories sometimes in their preaching sermons and stuff like that as well, because it's kind of this parable-like way of teaching something with making sure that the listener is gently um listening, I guess, and not like because sometimes if you've ever had a confrontation or ever someone's ever said something to you directly, maybe you have cut them off because that was something you didn't want to hear right now, even though it was true, but you hadn't dealt with it yourself yet, so you just kind of didn't want to hear anymore. So I think parables was a way that Jesus kind of kept his engagement and kept people listening to him while still teaching them the lesson, and for them all, like for every individual listening to be able to hear and reflect in their own time and process it as he was speaking rather than it feeling like an attack. So made up stories with a spiritual lesson. Um, and one that you might know is the parable of the lost son. If you don't know it, don't worry, we're gonna read it in just a second. Um We're gonna turn to Luke chapter 15, I believe. Yes. Um,

The Parable of the Lost Son

Host: Smilla 20:10

and just for context, um Jesus basically tells this parable um because he wanted to confront the Pharisees that were angry at Jesus because he welcomed sinners. And we know this because before we go to the parable of the lost sheep, even in the beginning of the chapter, before he starts um his parable of the lost son, it says, Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, This man welcomes sinners and eats with them. Then Jesus told them this parable. So in chapter 15, he shares three parables basically to confront this. Um, and we're gonna read the parable of the lost son, which starts at uh verse 11. And we basically follow a older son, a younger son, and a father. The father represents God, and the older brother represents the Pharisees, and the younger brother represents the sinners returning to God, and he wanted to basically elucidate how uh both sons were lost but in different ways. And for us, this will also elucidate how our Heavenly Father loves us, and not just because we are good, like the Pharisees thought that they were these good religious, um, great performative children of God. Um and in this parable we actually find out that it's not about performance, it's not about perfection, it's about restoration. So chapter fifteen verse eleven. Jesus continued, There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, Father, give me your share of the estate. So he divided his property between them. Not long after that the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country, and there squandered his wealth in wild living. We're talking spending it on loads of lamborghinis and strippers and alcohol and drugs and probably loads of theme parks or maybe gelato. Okay, wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out a citizen of that country who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pots that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses, he said, How many of my father's hired servants have food to spare? And here I am starving to death. I will set out and go back to my father and say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I'm no longer worthy to be called your son, make me like one of your hired servants. So he got up, went to his father, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. The son said to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, Quick, bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fatten d calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate, for this son of mine was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found. So they began to celebrate. Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house he heard music and dancing, so he called one of his servants and asked him what was going on. Your brother has come, he replied, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound. The older brother became angry and refused to go in, so his father went out and pleaded with him. Like he didn't even want to go in, so his father came out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, Look, all these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders, yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours, who has squandered your property with prostitutes, come home, you killed a fattened cow for him? My son, the father said, You are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found. Like the older brother doesn't understand the generosity of God, right? He doesn't understand that God's love doesn't work like human fairness. Like grace means that we don't get what we deserve. We get what God freely gives. The older brother obeyed God, obeyed his father, but it wasn't out of love. And I think Jesus is showing that you can be super religious and still be spiritually lost. You can do all the right things, all the right Christian things, but with the wrong heart. And the father, aka God, went out to both sons, meaning he pursues both rebellious sinners and pursues religious, bitter people who think that they don't need mercy. The thing is us comparing ourselves or us trying to be super performative or try to be someone we're not or like thinking I deserve he doesn't is very classic self-righteousness. Your identity is son-daughter, period. You're not a servant, you're not a performer. Not for God, you're his child. And God rejoices more over restoration than he does over perfection. You are never too far gone. Like the younger son was way far off, and the father came running to him. Like that's the only consent God needs. You're deciding in your heart that you want a relationship with God, that you want to come back to God, that you want to be closer to God, you want to speak to God. That's the only thing God needs to come running towards you. Because he's already there watching you, loving you. But he's never a God that forces himself on anyone who doesn't want him. But this son was on his way to God and that that was enough. Our Heavenly Father saw him, he came running and celebrated with a feast. You are never too far gone for God. There's nothing you can do to make God dislike you. He is slow to anger, yes, but he can't unlove his children. I remember how my mom uh told me how she taught my dad how to hug and how to hold a baby. And even today, me hugging my dad, it's extremely awkward. We only hug each other when we say hello or goodbye. And even now, like just now, recently, he started to give like random hugs here and there. So we're getting there. We it's something we're working on. Um, but that was something that he didn't even see was a weird thing, right, growing up, like not giving physical affection. But due to the lack of physical affection, led me to create a void of a longing for physical affection. Hearing my friend's dad say normal things like, I love you, or I'm so proud of you, or um, I'll help you. Whereas my dad was, if you don't know, you better figure it out. And even my mom, you know, it was a weakness to cry. So that kind of created a a void for longing for validation, even more so, I guess, when my parents swapped careers, especially because at that point I didn't have a relationship with my mom anymore. And they both kind of swapped careers to the behavioral health sector or the psychiatric care industry, especially my dad, and um I was often compared to his patient or his employees because now that was the only people he was around, so he didn't have any other kids or anything to like compare me to other than other than that, I guess. But I was just longing to hear the words and the comments that I thought fathers said to their kids, like comments like I love you or I'm proud of you. Um, and I had to learn to fill those voids, like the void of me longing to hear that, I had to learn to fill that with Jesus and not the world, because the world will never satisfy. I had to learn that transactional love is not love. I think even I wasn't planning to share this, but it did come to mind. Yeah, Luke 6:35. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting anything back. Without expecting anything back. That's the opposite of transactional love. Transactional love is that everything comes with a catch. I give you this, so you must do this. Especially in go in like relationship with God, is if God should do this, then you need to do this. If you do X, then He does Y. And that is not what the Bible is saying. He's saying we should give without expecting anything back. You should be able to say a compliment to someone and not feel offended if they don't say thank you. It's really funny. I started doing this thing a couple years ago. Um, and I still do it to this day sometimes. Is basically when someone gives me a compliment, I instead of responding with a thank you, which we're kind of taught, and and I guess society expects us to do, um, I start saying, I know. Or just like, okay, and like not in a not in like a negative attitude way, but just in a confident way. Because this longing and void I had of longing for validation, some of the compliments, obviously, when someone compliments you, it feeds you, it lifts you up. And I wanted to not rely on that, I didn't want that to fill that void. I wanted Jesus to fill my void. And he said to me that I already are those things, right? So I need to believe that I are those things, that I already have an identity of knowing that I'm beautiful, that I'm valued, that I'm loved, and all of those things. So if someone complimented me, I didn't want to say thank you, partially because I wanted to practice fulfilling the void with Jesus and my identity in Christ, but also because I wanted to see how easy they were to getting offended. Because then I would know their character, I would know that they are someone who gives something and expecting something in return. However, if they never got offended by me not saying thank you back, that was a pure compliment. Because when you give a compliment, you shouldn't expect anything in return. Because when you give something, you give expecting nothing back, like we just read in in Luke in 6:35. So it's been a couple years, I still do it because I just think it's so interesting how some of us are when we say something, we are very um, you know, giving. And I and I spoke, I remember having a conversation with a therapist years ago, and she thought it was so interesting of me doing that because she was like, it's such an automatic response sometimes. Oh, I like your shirt, oh I like your shoes. You know, you have to find something to like say back. Or if if someone didn't say thank you, if you're holding up a door for someone and they don't say thank you, suddenly you get offended and you get angry and upset. I think we need to come to uh a thing in our posture where we are doing things, expecting nothing in return, and that means that when we've done a nice thing, that's our job done. We shouldn't expect anything in return, and that includes responses, that includes thank you. But this whole thing of expecting something in return and being upset, you know, if if something wasn't rewarded, or that sort of mindset, like the whole transactional type of love. Like me giving, I give um food to the homeless sometimes, and I don't expect a thank you, I don't expect any sort of reaction. I would never ever record it. I don't judge people who do, but I personally don't. Like that's my job done. My good act is done, sorted, packed up. Even me opening a door for someone, me giving something for someone, that's me done. I don't need to hear what they think about it. Not because I don't want to, it's great if they want to share, but I don't want to have an expectation of a validation back because I've now validated them, if that makes sense. But yeah, so I obviously was taught a very transactional love, and I do not blame my parents, I do not regret or would take back anything how I grew up because I I'm so proud of how I shaped me in the end, but also because I know and understand their root of why they raised me so different to like my siblings. My mom was 18 when she had her first baby, and then both were very young parents, right? And navigating that while still also dealing with your childhood traumas of your own with no equipment of how to love, how to receive love, how to give love. Understanding the root of that, and that's why I meant earlier when I said I didn't see the fruttuition of that journey until my later adult years, because they were still learning, growing, because they were so young parents. So going into faith, because that was the my dad was the only father figure I I ever really knew, I tended to project that experience and whatever he showed and what I was I guess made normalized because it was the only thing that was projected onto me. I then projected that experience onto God and how God sees me. So

Separating God from Our Father Wounds

Host: Smilla 35:37

me going into faith, and because this experience, like this father that was still learning and healing at the time, was the only father figure that I ever knew, I tended to project that onto my heavenly father when I first started going very deeper into my faith and my relationship with my heavenly father. So it was difficult for me to understand that I was loved, right? That I was forgiven, that I was chosen, and it was hard to comprehend this thought of or this lie, I guess, of like how how could you know, if my own dad didn't love me, how could God? Why would God? If my dad was never there, then why would God be? If my own dad um kept records of wrongs, why would God look past them? If my own dad wished that I was someone else and looked like someone else, why would God want me? And Jesus had to correct me that he doesn't want perfection, he wants restoration, he doesn't want us lost or spiritually lost, he wants us found, he wants a relationship with him. As simple as that. There's nothing you and I can do to make God unlove us or regret that he died for us. And I know that now. But back then, like a decade back or two, I was so obsessed to work up to earn the love of my earthly father. Like that was my biggest mission in life. I would starve myself to make him think that I was prettier, to end the verbal abuse, and um when he kicked me out at 16, a normal kid would have probably, you know, maybe gone into a bit of a pettiness hole and um maybe been a bit sad and have been like, okay, I'm gonna build my life on my own. I don't need you, or been very sad and maybe gone to different outlets that weren't really healthy, maybe. I don't know. But I was still so obsessed at getting this man to love me, y'all, that I called up the strongest friend that I had in my friend group. She played uh football, okay. She had the strongest thighs. I called her up and I was like, hey, can you help me carry out uh carry back my bed and all my things back into my room like nothing happened? And and she was she's up for anything. So I thought that if I put back everything in order like nothing happened, my dad would be too tired to kick me out again, to throw everything out again, move everything out again. So I thought, let me try that, and it worked. Like me moving back, that's basically what happened. And I still was on this mission. I was like, I'm gonna move in, I'm gonna put all my things back in order, I'm gonna make this man love me, I'm gonna make this man proud of me, because this void in me, I don't think actually faced, right? That that was a void. And I didn't face really that I was filling it with worldly things, like validation from my peers and and people that looked up to me, um, and other outlets, you know, like definitely probably from young guys or whatever. The possibility of my dad never saying those words at that time was non-existent. Like I couldn't even phantom that not happening. Like I was like, this is gonna happen, he's gonna say this, and he's gonna say this, and then my life is complete. Because my identity in Christ wasn't fulfilled. I was, I would say I was very luke-warm, I didn't have the knowledge, it wasn't reading my Bible or like educating myself of what Christ thought of me, that my value was based in the physical, verbal comments of the only father figure that I had, which was my dad. I never got those words even till this day. Even when I moved out or um in my early 20s, like I came to a realization that I'm never going to hear those words. And not just I'm never going to hear them, but they are never going to fill that void in me that I'm loved, that I'm worthy, that I am valued.

Communication & Boundaries

Host: Smilla 40:29

I had to learn to fill the void that my dad could never fill with Jesus. He's actually, to be fair, because I did have a conversation with about it with him years ago, and he can now text, I'm proud of you and I love you, but he's never said it. Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate at least we're moving forward, but it's something I have to like now kind of readapt to this new version of my dad. Uh relearning. And I think that might be something that many people can relate to when it comes to having a a broken parent or a strained parent or a limited or absent. Like when they then come back into your life or they change this complete personality or complete character, and it's such a shock for you because you haven't seen the the byproduct of that journey yet. Take your time, it's okay to put boundaries in, but allow it. I agree. It does definitely feel hella weird. It's like you have to learn to know this new person, and they feel like they have only been this way their whole entire life. They can't even admit that they've been this different person, you know, for the past decades. Allow it. Obviously, if it's it's if it's such an abuse and and he or she claims that they've changed, but there's clearly no change and it's a dangerous relationship, obviously don't allow it. Um we're called to be to be wise, so I'm not saying for you to rebuild something with someone who's dangerous to your life. But going back to me feeling like I have um those voids that was created in me, um, of longing to feel validated, longing for physical affection, um, that I had to learn to stop filling with the world. Like some of the signs that made me realize that I probably was filling it with the world, um, was that during my teenage years I would try to fill those voids with um like guys that often had some sort of authority, like my dad had an authority, like guys or men that I could learn something from because I would I would let like I would learn and look up to my dad, so if I looked up to them, or uh guys who had some cocky type ego, like they can have anyone they wanted, because my dad would often compare me to other girls in my age and compare my body to theirs, or even though I was like underweight, but he would still compare me to them, and I always felt like my dad was stuck with me, like he could have any daughter that he wanted, but he was stuck with me, so therefore I didn't feel chosen. So if a guy had this cock cocky ego attitude of that he can have any girl he wanted, but he picked me, then I would feel chosen, even though it wasn't genuine. So that was some types of like patterns that I would kind of go through maybe two or three times until I was like, hold on, I think there's a pattern here, I think this is a void I'm filling with the wrong things, and we need to actually dig and attack the actual root of the problem. So walking into Christianity at that time where I was told everything that I lacked from my earthly father, like apparently I'm now chosen and I'm now loved, and I'm now planted with purpose, and it was hard for me to walk into that identity at first, and Jesus had to constantly remind me again and again and again that whenever I would turn away from him, that he was still there, waiting on me to come back to him. And now, as an adult, looking back, I know for a fact that the verse Psalm 68:5, a father through the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. Like that's how it felt for me. I felt like I was raised by Jesus, and there's so many things like wisdom, even in my diaries that I sometimes read back and look back on, like as an adult that I can like apply today. Like, how did I even know this? You know, how did I learn this? And I genuinely feel like I it was just because Jesus was there by my side, he was constantly whispering to me, guiding me, correcting me because my parents weren't around nor capable to give those tools and wisdom. Because they were still busy learning and healing themselves. Jesus is the father to the fatherless. God is there with you. Whatever parental figure that you had, whether that was a good representation of the 1 Corinthians that that we read of the 1 Corinthians type of love or not, or like God can use your story more than you could ever imagine. Whatever voids or toxic habits or routines and patterns in your life that has become the byproduct of how you were raised of your childhood can be restored and filled in Jesus Christ. Whatever voids been created as a byproduct can be filled by Jesus Christ. But he requires us to face the areas within ourselves that we we might not have faced in a long time, or go down an analyzing and reflecting path, not in the sense where we are dwelling on our past, but with a curious posture of identifying what is the root of this void. Why am I in a toxic pattern that's making me do the same thing over and over again? Or why am I um always getting fired from my job or keep going from relationship to relationship or um keep longing for a different substance to fill this void? If we can identify the why and the root of the void, it's easier to fill it with Jesus when we know what the actual root is, so we can actually surrender everything to him and not clutch on to the unknown at the same time. Jesus died for you specifically. He died for you in mind. And he is nothing like your earthly father. He is patient, he is kind, he does not envy, he does not boast, he is not proud, he does not dishonor others, he is not self-seeking, he is not easily angered, and he keeps no records of wrongs. He does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. He always protects, he always trusts, he always hopes, he always perseveres if you'll let him. I hope this was really helpful for someone. Family relationships can be very difficult, especially when they are multiple experiences. Just remember you cannot take care of someone if you do not take care of yourself. You can't fight someone else's battles if you're still bleeding. Placing boundaries are okay. In fact, they are biblical. Jesus spoke to thousands. He sent out seventy-two, he walked with twelve, but he was only vulnerable to three Peter, James, and John. Jesus had boundaries. He knew his three, and so should we. Not that we literally need to have three friends in our circle, but we need to be able to discern who has access to that level of us and place boundaries for the people who are not. Even to the beginning in Genesis, it was boundaries between water and land, it was boundaries, first boundary with Adam. Like you can have, you can eat and have anything in this garden, just don't eat from that tree. Boundaries have consequences. That's why boundaries should be communicated with all our relationships, and you should communicate it to yourself. What boundaries am I placing for myself? Because boundaries that does not have consequences is basically just a poor suggestion. Let's pray. I just thank you that you are nothing like our earthly father, that you are a father to the fatherless, that despite whatever experience that we've had as parental figures, with parental figures, I thank you that you fill every gap, that you want to fill every gap, want to fill every void. I thank you that you don't force yourself on us, and I pray that you help us surrender every single void, every single area to your Lord, for you to fill us, for you to cause a revival, a restoration. I pray that you remind people of their identity in Christ and remind us of who you are, what love really is, not what we've normalized, what we've been taught, or what has been passed down in generations, but that you are who you say you are. And whatever generational stronghold or family strongholds, I just pray that you will break them in the name of Jesus and remind to us that we are your daughter or your son. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. I also feel called to pray a second prayer for people who haven't had a father who have had a very bad experience with their father, and even till this day, it's caused them to not live with purpose or not live to the fullest. Father, I just pray for your children who's had such a traumatic experience growing up, Lord God. I pray that you will heal them, Father, that they will surrender every single area of trauma, and that area they understand that it was not you who caused it. I pray that you intervene their hearts, that you send your Holy Spirit to overwhelm them with your love, with your truth, that you put people around them to help them and equip them, and to help them identify any areas that they are trapping themselves in a cycle that they should not be in, that you make them aware of any toxic patterns, of filling voids with worldly things, or going to unhealthy outlets to quiet down the noise. I pray that you heal them, that you cause a restoration, and that you give them the courage to help themselves. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope that you have a blessed week ahead and I shall see you next time. Or you shall hear me next time. Depending what platform you're on.