Avoiding YOU

The breakthrough we’re praying for often starts with the parts of ourselves we avoid. When we allow God to reshape our thinking, even our default response to hurt can transform from offense into curious understanding. In this episode, we'll explore how the areas we avoid within ourselves often hold the very growth God is inviting us into. You'll learn how to rewire your mind to stop being a slave to your emotions, and how receiving correction is deeply biblical.

Transcript

Host: Smilla 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to Revival Podcast episode three. I am so sorry it took me so long for this message. I caught the flu and I did not want to cough down in your eardrums, but we're back and we're healthy. So this message is called avoiding you. And I'm not gonna lie, I will encourage some seat belts along with your notebooks and your Bible because um this may hit us with a bit of conviction, okay? In a good way. Conviction is love, but just as a disclaimer, you know, you might want to take use of the pause button, you know, take a minute to pause, breathe, pray, and then resume play when you are ready. Um just wanted to remind you that the pause button is there, okay? If you need a little little break, you know? So firstly, I want to begin asking you whether you've ever experienced an argument, church hurt, an annoyance or an offense. In fact, when was the last time you were offended? And are you still holding on to it? If so, why? Let's pray. Father, I thank you that you are with us. I thank you for this message. I just pray that you help us be alert for the areas in us that you are calling to revival, that you want to transform. I pray that you help us sharpening ourselves so that we are ready for your assignment. For everything that you have in store for us. I thank you, Lord God, that you want us involved, Lord God. You don't want us to remain the same. So I pray in this message where you will speak through me, that you will help us cleanse whatever areas do you want us to cleanse, and that you will make those areas known to us, regardless if we are blocking that awareness. Help us be aware of what we are doing that's causing us to block certain alerts from you. We want a holy awareness, a holy discernment so we can walk into the transformation that you have called us for. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.

Neuroscientific Research on Offense

Host: Smilla 2:50

NIH um summarized neuroscience research proves that it's nearly impossible for a human brain to be deeply offended and curious at the same time. Because curiosity and offense are driven by competing neural circuits. You have offense, which is an avoidance mechanism that shuts down our vulnerability, and you have curiosity, that is say an approach mechanism that opens our brain up for learning. So you got avoidance and approach, which makes sense that they can't be at the same time, right? Because they're complete opposite. You can't approach something and avoid at the same time.

Choosing Your Emotions

Host: Smilla 3:39

The truth is either we control our neural circuits or they will control us. Guess what? We can control our emotions, our reactions. We can choose curiosity. Oh, I wonder why she did that. I wonder why God did that. Or we can choose offense. I can't believe she said that, did that. I can't believe God burned down sodom. When we are curious, it opens up space to pause, right? To listen, to respond with an understanding rather than react from an assumption or um many times incomplete information. Choosing to be curious creates a mental space to gather that information, regulate our emotions, and form a response grounded in truth rather than respond defensively to what we think is happening. And many times in life we tend to only focus on the other person and not so much reflect on ourselves, what we could have done, learn, or become. We live in a world where gossip and age pride, thinking that anyone beneath your age or maturity is beneath you, and stalking people online is normalized and sometimes celebrated, that it has led to many people not practice self-reflection. Even our brain is wired for self-protection. Looking inward might trigger shame, responsibility, need for change, regret. So our brain naturally avoids psychological pain. So it chooses the easier path, examining others instead of ourselves. Because our brain finds blame easier than growth. When our emotions are high, our reflection shuts down and our reaction speeds up. And it makes it so much harder to ask, oh, what can I learn here? And easier to ask, who caused this? But we can rewire our brain. Our brain rewires for neuroplasticity, which depends on repeated thoughts, repeated emotional responses, and repeated behaviors. One moment of reflection is obviously not gonna rewire your brain, but constantly choosing reflection will. With other words, what you practice becomes your default. You want to stop being quick with anger, then start practicing choosing joy or curiosity. You want to stop grabbing a tub of ice cream and a bag of crisp before bed, or stop snacking every time your cravings notifies your body, then start practicing saying no. And stop giving in. Oh I wish I read the Bible more, then stop reaching for your phone as soon as you wake up. Oh I wish I was a morning person. Then start training yourself to wake up earlier. Put on an alarm. Tell your circle to keep yourself accountable. With time, what you practice becomes your default.

Demon vs Flesh

Host: Smilla 7:15

Many people sometimes confuse evil spirits or demons with our flesh. I'm not a mourning person, it must be spiritual warfare. I suffer from gluttony and can't control my cravings or bad spending, it must be the enemy. I need to pray and cast out my demons. You need to crucify your flesh. We don't cast out our flesh, we crucify it. Luke 9 23 says, Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Galatians 5 24 says, Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passion and desires Passions and desires. We need to die to self. That means our cravings. That means anything that we find is control of us that we should have control over, such as emotions and reactions and instincts basically our default. For inward reflection, our brain must learn that correction does not equal rejection, that conviction is safe, and growth leads to love, not shame. Cause without safety, the brain will return to defensiveness, but with safety, it can choose curiosity and humility. That's why Jesus mostly spoke in parables for metaphors to bypass the resistance within the listeners. He wanted to awaken the awareness within them, within us. Carl Jung did a study on this, Harvard Medical School did a study on this. The list goes on and on of neuroscientists that are only now discovering that speaking and like learning through storytelling, metaphors, parables, activates emotional memory, bypasses logical defenses, and reshapes our perception. That's why stories change people faster than facts. Hence why the enemy likes to use storytelling so much. Oh my god, I can't believe she did that and why gossiping is so harmful. Even thinking about like worldly news, the amount of people that find out about catastrophes and war through somebody they know rather than the article or the source or the news like the source itself. We can rewire our brain with practice and consistency, with neuroplasticity. You want to act more like the fruits of the spirit, then make a reflection and an action plan on how to act more like that fruit by default. We need to stop praying while avoiding doing the deeds. I'm not saying we shouldn't pray for fruit, but rather we rely on the Spirit and choose to walk in what He's already given. So instead of praying, God give me patience, a more mature prayer would be, God, teach me to walk in the patience that you've already placed within me. Help me surrender where my flesh resists your fruit and form in me what you've already planted. Jerry Flowers Jr. once said, praying for something God knows you can do is spiritual immaturity. I was like, word. Because many of us are refusing to implement the routine and put in the effort to work on ourselves. And many times looking in the Bible, correction usually comes through a vessel of someone else. Question is, can you receive correction if it comes through God's vessel instead of God? We're gonna turn to 1 Samuel chapter 15. It wouldn't be it wouldn't be a revival podcast if we didn't have some Bible. So take out your Bibles. Ooh. So I'm not even gonna give you context. I'm just gonna go straight in. I'm reading and Ivy if anyone's wondering. Samuel said to Saul, I am the one Lord sent to anoint you king over his people Israel. So listen now to the message from the Lord. This is what the Lord Almighty says. I will punish the Almekites for what they did to Israel when they wavelay them as they came up from Egypt. Now go attack the Amalekites and totally destroy all that belongs to them. Do not spare them, put them to death, men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and dogkies. So Saul summoned the men and Masudam to Telim, two hundred thousand foot soldiers and ten thousand from Yuda. I'm just gonna pause quickly because many might stop at this verse and be like, How can God destroy women, children, infants, and all the animals? Like the children can't even harm anyone. The Amalekites have had hundreds of hundreds of years to choose to repent after warnings from God, and they have refused to change. Therefore, God is saying, Y'all had your shot, I'm taking you out. And it's mainly because he can see the innocence in in kids, but it's more so the depth of the Amalekites' lineage. The lineage comes from Esau. If you remember how Esau was godless and and sold his birthright to his brother, and then he married a Canaanite woman, and I think that's when the snowball just kind of kept on rolling. To then sin after sin after sin, not lead into murdering people, because what Amalekites would do is that they would kill and murder and do all these terrible stuff to the people that God would save. So whenever God would save the Israelites, when Moses walked with the slaves through the Red Sea, then he had just saved them. Amalekites then come and attack. When whenever God would bring out like Israel, even slaves, regardless if it was Moses or or Story or or not, Amalekites would come and literally pray on the weak and murder them. Like, think you know how long, like the Epstein Files case and everything? I don't know if you're educated about it. If you're not, you should. But that's been going on for a long, long time. This has been going on like same cruelty and evil, but it's going on for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years. Because, like, imagine the victims that have just come out from the trauma and their capture. And then as soon as they get freed, they get killed. As soon as they get the blessing to get freed, they're getting murdered by these people. I don't blame. God gave them chance after chance after chance after chance for hundreds and hundreds of years, generations after generations, and they refused to repent. So God decided to we gotta we gotta make that lineage extinct, okay? They're messing with the with the blessings, how I'm helping people get saved. So I'm on God's side. Anyway, so Saul summoned the men and mustard them at Tillam, 200,000 foot soldiers and 10,000 from Judah. Saul went to the city of Amalek and sent an ambush into the rivine. Then he said to the Canaites, Go away, leave the Amalekites so that I do not destroy you along with them, for you showed kindness to all the Israelites when they came out of um came up of Egypt. So the Canaites moved away from the Amalekites, then Saul attacked the Amalekites all the way from Havilat to Shur, near the eastern border of Egypt. He took Agug, the king of Amalekites, alive, and all his people he totally destroyed with a sword. But Saul and the army spared Agag and the best of the sheep and cattle and the fat cows and lamps, everything that was good, basically. They saved. These they were unwilling to destroy completely, but everything that was despised and weak they totally destroyed. It's giving who I'm around a become kind of abs, because that was literally what um the Malachites would do. But anyway, then the word of the Lord came to Samuel. I regret that I have made Saul king, because he has turned away from me and has not carried out my instructions. It gets worse. Just wait, like on Samuel's uh on Saul's side, nah God. So uh Samuel was angry and cried out to the Lord all night. Early in the morning, Samuel got up and went to meet Saul, but he was told Saul had gone to Carmel. There he had set up a monument in his own honor and had turned and gone uh on down to Gilgal. The fact that he went and basically made a statue to honor himself. Let me know. When Samuel reached him, Saul said, Oh the Lord bless you, I have carried out the Lord's instructions. But Samuel said, What then is this bleeding of sheep in my ears? What is this lowing of cattle that I hear? He's like basically saying, Um Bro, I don't think so. Saul answered, Oh, the soldiers brought them from the Melechites. They spared the best of the sheep and the cattle of sacrifice to the Lord your God, but we totally destroyed the rest. How many times do we do this? We do half of God's instruction and ignore the rest and still justify that we completed God's assignment for us just because we did some of it. Enough, Samuel said to Saul. Let me tell you what the Lord said to me last night. Tell me, Saul replied. Samuel said, although you were once small in your own eyes, did you not become the head of the tribes of Israel? The Lord anointed you king over Israel, and he sent you on a mission, saying, Go and completely destroy those wicked people. The Amalekites wage war against them until you have wiped them out. Why did you not obey the Lord? Why did you pounce and plunder and do evil in the eyes of the Lord? But I did obey the Lord, Saul said. I went on the mission the Lord assigned me, I completely destroyed Amalekites, I mean I brought back Agog their king. The soldiers t the soldiers took the sheep and the cattle from the plunder. The best of devoted to God in order to sacrifice to the Lord your God in Gilgal. Deflecting blame now are we? His brain is basically wired for blame and aggroath. But Samuel replied, Does this Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat rams, for rebellion, rebellion is like the sin of divination, sorcery, and arrogance, stubbornness, like the evil of idolatry. Because you have rejected rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you as king. God sent Samuel to correct Saul and he couldn't catch the correction. Saul deflected the blame and justified himself instead of repenting, and him refusing the correction that Saul came with led to loss of authority and calling. So again, are you willing to receive correction if it comes from somebody else instead of God? Even later in 1 Kings, I'm not gonna read the whole chapter because we don't have time, but in 1 Kings chapter 12, we basically follow Rehoboam, um, and he also rejects good counsel or correction. He basically is a king, uh, he's asking elders how he should rule, and they replied, verse 7, If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants. But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. Like, this is giving, you know, when you're kids and you didn't want to do whatever your like mom or dad told you to do, or whatever your aunties recommended, what whatever elder that you had growing up, and you would call your bestie like, Natalie, you get me, like what should I do? Little did we know, and this was kind of this is this is what that's this we are boom is giving me. You cannot I understand that not every elder has wisdom. That's why we have discernment, but we we have to have we have to have more wisdom than than than the age group that you're in, okay, sweetie. We gotta we gotta evolve, okay? We gotta grow, we gotta have mentors, we gotta listen to our elders. Rehoboam said, nah. I've eaten McDonald's with these guys for years, god forbid. I just find out so much about McDonald's Saturday. Uh um, let me use a different example. Nando's. We've gone to Nando's every Friday of the week since I was eight years old. Let me ask my fellow. My crew, my crew, my squad for advice because they must know better than the people in the back of Nando's that actually cooks the food. Let me know. Anyway, completing to uh verse 13, where this is basically where um Rehoboam then took the advice that the that the frenzies, the squad gave him instead of the elders. The king answered, as in Rehoboam, the king answered the people harshly, rejecting the advice given to him by the elders. He followed the advice of the young man and said, My father made you yoke heavy and I will make it even heavier. My father scrouched you with whips and I will scrouch you with scorpions. Yeah, I would um I would have gone with the wise wise counsel from the elders, you know. That was basically be gentle with the people. This one is basically make them suffer. Whips and scrouch you with scorpions? Yeah no. We rebuke that. So he received wise counsel from the elders to basically be gentle with the people. He rejects it and instead choose this harsh advice from his peers, his squad, instead. This is pride at its finest. Okay? Choosing bad advice over good correction and him choosing godly wisdom cost a national division. We got south and north with two kings instead of Rehoboam. Reigning uh reigning both. Last example, again, I'm not gonna read a whole chapter, but I do want to bring up Jonah. The word of the Lord came to Jonah, son of A mattai. Am I pronouncing that wrong? Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me. But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed to Tarsit. God tells Jonah to go to Nineveh and preach, yeah? Instead, Jonah runs in the opposite direction, boarding a chip to Tarsish. He didn't even argue with God, he just ran the other way. He said, sike! Why I'm bringing him up is because Jonah did eventually preach to the city that God called him to preach to. And the city repented. And God showed mercy on them. He didn't destroy the city, he didn't destroy them. But Jonah got offended. He got offended by God's grace. He would have rather died than seen his enemies forgiven. Many of us don't even get offended by people. Some of us get offended by God, by his grace. Because he might have saved or made someone's business prosper that was an enemy to you or an ex to you or hurt you. The end of this book, I think it's four, four chapters, four books. Do you say chapters or books? I don't even know. You say chapters, got it. Thank you. That was the wrecked line. Thank you, Lord. Um the end of the book of Jonah, chapter four, as God is trying to form Jonah's heart and make him understand and develop, transform, get revival, we never actually get confirmation of that journey. And it leaves us as the reader, because God had the last say in chapter four, it leaves us as the reader asking, will I accept God's correction or stay offended, like Jonah?

Offense is a Choice

Host: Smilla 26:11

Being offended is a choice, and staying offended is also a choice. I wish more churchers and preachers would preach on offense and triggers because if we learned that coviction is a sign of upcoming growth and self-improvement, that this feeling of our iron sharpening is not a bad feeling, we wouldn't confuse it with condemnation. Sometimes when God corrects us, we label it condemnation just because we tell ourselves that only good feelings come from God. You think that Jonah felt good about the mission and that Simon from God that he received? No. Like we read, the man literally ran the opposite direction. He ran away from obedience and got swallowed by a fish. We didn't read that part, but it's in there. Noah didn't feel good about the instructions for the boat. That vision came with anxiety. Moses good when he was told to go back to the city of Trauma? Or the woman at the well good when she had the face and accept the sinful actions? And the truth of that? No, there was an anxiety, a fear, of self-doubt. Hence why God kept saying trust in me, because we can't trust in self. Our own feelings will lie to us. We have to discipline our emotions to act according to Christ. We choose faith over flesh. It's a choice. Going into Proverbs Proverbs twelve, literally the first verse. Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. Do I need to say more? I will anyway. Chapter fifteen thirty two. Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the ones who heats correction gains understanding. Another translation, I'm reading NIV. Another translation. Listen to criticism and you will gain understanding. Okay, even going to 29. 29. I think I did this first in episode one. I can't remember. I feel like I've done it. But we're gonna do it again. Whoever remains stiff-necked, oops, whoever remains stiff-necked, after many rebukes, will suddenly be destroyed without remedy. Another translation: some people refuse to bend when someone corrects them, eventually they will break, and there will be no one to repair the damage. If someone keeps ignoring correction, there comes a point when consequences hit hard and can't be undone. Like correction is a gift, and refusing to listen can lead to permanent loss. We need to stop being stubborn and cling to our discernment and receive the correction that's giving for us, whether that is through God or whether God's a vessel, meaning somebody around us that God might have sent to speak to us, whether they know it or not. And not choose offense. Just because our brain is wired to blame rather than grow, it's our responsibility to rewire that brain. Our body is God's temple. Who's responsible for it? You yeah. You can blame that God made it all you want, but He made it for you, for you to cater like take up, so it's your responsibility. Um, I don't know the title, but it's like Late in the midnight hour. God's gonna turn around. Just you wait and see. Maybe he won't. Maybe you need to turn around. Maybe he's waiting for you to turn around. You don't just pray, you also have to prepare for what you're praying for. You think that you can prophesy someone for a financial breakthrough and not hear the financial correction yourself? Can you prophesy what you avoid to participate in? Something hurting my feelings is a sign that I gotta grow up. Offense is us rebuking truth and rebuking growth. That's us rebuking God's design. If God is truth, He wants us to grow. If we are offended, we're choosing to do that, which means that we are refusing sorry, rebuking God's design. If we rebuke God's design, isn't that the same as rebuking God? I'm part of a run club and I like to collect running medals, but I wouldn't want one just freely given to me. I want one because I ran the race. Revival requires work. Like guys, do you really want to stay the same because it takes no effort? Because it's convenient and cost you nothing? I don't know about you, but I don't want to stay the same. Name one person in the Bible who was devoted to God, who stayed exactly the same throughout their whole life. They were all challenged to leave their old version and walk into whom God had called them to become. They had to abandon themselves to receive revival. We have to choose to lay down our flesh and stamp over the fear of rejection, etc., to get the revival, the transformation. We can't just sit and pray for change without choosing to follow through with the action of change. Like we mentioned earlier, praying for something that you have the capability to do is spiritual immaturity. God said, guard our hearts, which means that we have already been given the capability to do it. So praying for it would be spiritual immaturity. Me praying for this mic to stop working would be spiritual immaturity because he's provided me with two working hands and a button to press. If he's provided the ingredients and the tools. It's our job to bake it. Why? Because he doesn't want us to remain the same. He wants us to constantly grow, learn, and enter the new.

Waiting for Confirmation & Signs

Host: Smilla 34:19

Waiting for confirmation in prayer doesn't require change. I'm waiting for confirmation to take that job, to end or start that relationship, to join that support group, to start serving in that team. Many don't need confirmation. You need courage. And since God wants us to constantly change, why are some of you waiting for Him to confirm? He's waiting for you to walk in courage. He's waiting for you to transform. We walk by faith, not by sight. So why are you praying for a sign? If we need a sign, we lack discernment. And if we lack discernment, we need to seek God deeper. And spend more time with Him. I

Iron Sharpens Iron

Host: Smilla 35:27

don't know about you, but I need my circle to be bold for Christ. And say it like it is. Point out and call me out when I'm in the wrong, when I need to open my perspective, when I'm falling short, when I need to be encouraged or be held accountable on my daily walk with Christ, crucifying my flesh and picking up my cross daily. If I ask them if, oh, does this look nice or does this taste good? I'd rather have them tell me the straight-up truth than a polite rejection. I want them to tell me when I'm off. When I'm missing the mark, or even when I'm doing fine, but they see a way that I can do even better. Saul lost his kingdom. Rehoboam split a nation and Jonah faced a storm, all because they resisted correction instead of receiving it. I don't want that to be me. Do you?

Reflect

Host: Smilla 36:27

So with that said, let's ask ourselves and reflect. Am I waiting for confirmation or am I walking in courage? Is my brain wired to blame or to grow? Are they the only problem or am I? What areas is God trying to transform and cleanse in the season I'm in? Am I willing to listen and receive when God speaks for someone else? What is my default? Let's pray. Father God, I thank you for this message. I thank you for your word, for your truth. I thank you that you challenged us, and I thank you that you do not want us to remain the same. I pray that you help us grow. I help that you help us rewire our brain so that conviction feels safe. That it feels like love as if it was meant to. I pray that we receive correction with ease and that we choose curiosity over offense. I pray that you strengthen our discernment so that we know who to listen to and who to encourage or pray for. Draw near to us as we draw near to you and help us hear you clearer. Cleanse any areas in us that our flesh is resisting to apply whatever you that you have planted and placed within us already. Help us apply the fruits of the spirit. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen. Thank you guys for tuning in. I would love to connect with you guys on any platform. And um, yeah, let's try to be more aware of what neutr neural circuit is acting and behaving first. And let's remind ourselves that if we don't control our emotions, the emotions will control us. Likewise with habits. If our habits, if we're not in control, they're gonna be in control of us. Likewise with our emotions, our reactions, choosing our offense over curiosity. It's our responsibility. This was actually a like a double episode originally, but then it turned so long that I had to cut it into two. But when I cut it into two, they turn into two different topics, so they're now no longer part one and part two, they're just there's just this avoiding you, and then the episode four, which you're gonna like. Until next time, guys, have a good week. Bye.