Episode 6: Thin Walls, Thick Boundaries

Someone comes home after two months away for work, and all a couple wants is a little peace and privacy. Then the mother-in-law arrives and turns a reunion into a nine-day group hang. The guest room is right next to theirs, the walls are thin, and somehow every plan becomes a table for three. We read the Reddit story, laugh at the absurd parts, and then get real about the part that isn’t funny: when family ignores your boundaries, your relationship pays for it.

Transcript

Cold Open And Welcome

SPEAKER_01 0:00

She said what she said. Welcome to episode six. So today we are doing another Reddit story. And let's get into it.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Yeah, wait, I need to define it! It is uh a little it it can be a little bit much, guys. Sorry for that.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

It's just for fun and games, okay?

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Don't don't take it too too serious. You know, in the end of the day, we don't say things like this in real life. It's just uh it's just a story. I'm just reading it, okay? We're actually very polite, right? Yes.

Reddit Story Setup And Context

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Okay, so the title is The Horny Wi.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

The title is insane, not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

It kind of sets the mood. Okay, so the wife is a 28 female, the husband is a 31 male. So the husband had to spend two months in a different state for work. He came back nine days ago. And obviously the wife is thrilled to have to have him back, but and hoping for sp hoping for time to be together, just the two of them. However, his mom, a 56 female, came over when he was supposed to come home. She was slightly annoyed, but knew that her mom was just excited for her son to be back. However, she never left. Like the wife was preparing to deal with her being there for you know day or two. Absolutely. We normally say that guests for more than three days it starts to stink. So that's what we normally say back home. This woman stays for nine. Nine days. Does she live like out of the state, out of the country? I think she mentions over here. Okay. So because she's been here for nine days, they haven't had a second of time together. She insists on staying here instead of a hotel. For the record, she lives an hour away.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

Shut the hell up. An hour away?

SPEAKER_00 2:08

I travel more to see you. Like, I travel not every day in the morning to go to work.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Exactly. I don't need to go the night. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Like, it's just ridiculous. I don't get it. But I would I would just be like, I would look at my husband and be like, okay, you figure this out, but your mom is not staying here. She can drive back home. Like, you know, at least one night. I get it. Like, you come, it's late, you don't want to drive in the dark. Yeah, okay, you can stay on the guest room next morning. You're out after breakfast. Bye-bye. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Come over on the weekends. You want to come over for the weekend, stay the weekend? I'm chilling too. I don't care. It's my mother-in-law. You want to spend time with your son? I get it. But in our babes. Okay.

The Mother-In-Law Won’t Leave

SPEAKER_00 3:00

So the guest room is right next to theirs, and the walls are thin. When the two of them go out, she goes with them or makes one of them stay home with her because if not, they're bad hosts. She follows them around the house constantly. They want to cuddle and watch a movie. She's sitting in the armchair. They want to go to a romantic restaurant, but they need to make it a table of three. I'd be like, no.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Like, it gets to a point.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

You can sit at the bar. Do you see that old man over there? Go chat with him. Maybe you'll find a boyfriend for yourself. At this point. I don't think uh any mother in love would like me. They'll be like, nope, this one, nope. They wouldn't be a big fan, that's for sure. So they they have left the living room to go chat in their room, and she follows them.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

What the hell? At this point, she's a lost puppy. Because why are you following them? You're a grown woman.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Wait, can you not just watch TV like a kid?

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Like, I get it. That okay, first of all, she stayed whatever, their business, whatever they feel comfortable. But like to follow around the house, it's insane. Like, okay, you're staying, you're a grown woman, you can take care of yourself. Just let them have their time too. Like, they're a married couple, she hasn't seen her husband for a while because he had just came from a business trip. So it's the boundaries, like he she doesn't give them any space or time.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

And you know what? Like, before we keep going with this, I understand, and like I probably see like some people reading this story or listening to this story and being like, Oh yeah, like it's a woman. And I know that in like in society, it's very much like the men are the horny ones, the men are the ones who always like I believe a lot of people forget the woman have a sex drive and it changes from person to person, it's not about sex, exactly. So, you know, like I can see how the story will face, you know, absolutely, because like difference just the fact that the wife is like respecting the boundary of like the wars are thin, right?

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Like she said, so she's like holding herself back. Okay, she is like she's trying hard here.

SPEAKER_00 5:27

Nine days. Like, that's that's a long time. The poor man, I don't think I don't think she's gonna have such a pleasant encounter with her husband after this. Yeah, it's gonna be a short one, I believe. Let's continue.

The Blunt Boundary That Ends It

SPEAKER_00 5:45

Okay, so early in the day, uh sh she asked her to leave, even though both of them have been hinting that she needed to go. Yeah, she kept saying she wasn't ready to go yet and wanted more time with her son.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

You live an hour away.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

The wife tried telling her they wanted some alone time and she kept insisting that she join us. Join them. Finally, the wife snapped and said, Since you seem to be oblivious, I will put this bluntly. I want to fuck your son. I'm reading this word by word. If you don't want to see or hear, then you need to leave. That's actually crazy. So this is funny because like I'm thinking about like my family and how open about the topic we are, and I'm like, I can see like me telling my family, like, okay, thank you for the visit, really appreciate it. It's time to go. And they would get the hints, and they'll be like, they were like, ooh, okay, like, you know, it's one of those that I'm like, especially if I'm married. Yeah. I'm like, okay, you're living your life, right? Like, everyone knows that adults have sex, absolutely, even younger than that, but you know, who walks in a rain gets wet, so everyone, wear protection out there. We don't need more kids in the world that are not gonna be taken care of properly. Absolutely. Um yeah, I'm not I'm not in uh able to adopt anyone right now, so Saha? We're not rich yet. I want to be an auntie, so like you gotta figure that out. Oh, I Saha has a lot of siblings. I'm pretty sure she will be an auntie. There's no question in that, but I don't know why she keeps pressing the pressure on me.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

I told you, I want a mini you running around, okay? Giving the attitude like you.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

Oh god, oh god, no, no, that'll be a lot. But you know, like, family needs to understand that everyone has knees, and this woman should have left the house after two days max. Three days, like you said three, yeah. You start to stink. I don't know why we say that. I think it's like comparison to fish.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

No, uh like I swear, because it's like after three days you think, like, okay, you're overwelcoming your stay, get the hell out. Easy as that.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Like you want to be able to enjoy the time you have together with a person who's visiting, but in this case, because he was away for such a long period of time, like this woman should have understood the first is a wife. And it's funny because like every mother thinks that they don't need to take care of their son once they get married. But then now and then we get this, you know the instance the the ones that think that I'm number one woman in my son's life for the rest of their life.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Ugh, you just want to marry your son, say so.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Right. But there's more. The the woman the the lady wasn't happy with this, okay? I bet. So the wife knows this wasn't the classiest response ever, but she was frustrated. Anyway, she the the old lady yelled at her, but eventually left. So when they finally got their own alone time, it didn't last very long because she started blowing up both of their phones, saying that she was disgusting and have no respect for her, her son, or herself. She kept kept telling the husband that he wouldn't be with someone so crude, and how dare he let her speak to her like that. Like what? The truth? I guess. I think it was the F-word that kind of offended them. Yeah. I mean, fair enough. She couldn't be like, I wanna make love to your son. Like, there's so many nice ways of putting it.

SPEAKER_01 10:07

Like that's true. But like, come on. She said we need some time alone, she didn't get the hand. She wanted to cuddle her husband, she didn't get the hand. They even wanted to leave her at the house and go out to like give the the mother-in-law privacy. She still didn't get the head. There was no other way to say it.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Right? It was just like, okay, I gotta yell at your face and follow you. Exactly. So, you know, I'm pretty sure everyone got the idea here, right? And it just it's ridiculous. Like, this woman turns around and like blames it all on the daughter-in-law, is like, okay, hello.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

They never see their own fault in it.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I guess not.

Culture And Living With In-Laws

SPEAKER_00 10:53

So, with this, like, we live in a place with a lot of different cultures. That's true. So, in your culture, like, for example, in Indian families, normally, like, the parents live with the son and yeah. Like, is that something that happens in your culture?

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Yeah, it's ex it's the same as in ours. It's like it's more expected for the daughter-in-law to live with the mother-in-law and father-in-law with the family, just because like it's the son's job to take care of the parents and stuff, so it's the m daughter-in-law's job as well to take care of the parents. So it's ridiculous, to be honest, in my opinion. Like, it's ridiculous that that's expected of them. But again, I find that when that does happen, the daughter-in-laws have more privacy. There's boundaries set still. So they would still have like their either their own part of the house or a whole level of the house just for themselves. Because it's not like this mother-in-law that follows them everyone. It's literally them living at the same half house but living separate lives.

SPEAKER_00 12:04

I I'm like, but then like, could you imagine yourself marrying someone in the same culture and then having to have his parents in your house? No, no. So you can never marry the the oldest son.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Here's the thing. I owe like it is a obviously the tr a choice, right? You either do it or you don't. It's like everyone for themselves. Personally, for me, I feel like I've especially with my culture where there's no moving out and living alone and stuff until you get married or all of that. So it's like I've always dreamed of having my own house, my own space, and doing what I want to do. And no matter how good of a laws you have, you would never get to have that freedom. You know what I mean? Like you will still need to be careful what you wear, how you talk, what you say, and like what you could, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

It needs to be within the you know, the menu for like your culture and what it's you're supposed to eat, and and like you would never get that freedom with your partner either.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Because like it would only need to stay in the bedroom, like cuddling, and like maybe like showing affection and stuff, so that's the respect part, right? Like you don't show affection in front of your mother-in-law and father-in-law at the end of the day, and I could never, I could never, not in your own house.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

I think that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

That's absolutely ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Like, I love my family, but like no one wants to live with their parents and be in a relationship in the same house, and it's just exactly it's just not realistic. Where the boundary is and like where like even if it's your house, it's like the respect that we gain for our parents is so much bigger than the idea that it's like my house, my rules. So even if we pay for everything, it's like and if they're there, it's always like, is it really mine or it's theirs?

SPEAKER_01 14:05

Absolutely. It's theirs, it would never be yours. That's the thing though, right? It's always gonna be that their house, and you're just living in it.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

So even though you pay for everything. Exactly, exactly. It's because they're the elders, whatever. Yeah. My my dad wants me to live with him forever. I bet he wants someone to cook for him. He only wants me to cook. Very, you know, old school.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

That's the thing. Like, parents are old school, and I don't blame them, okay? Like, I don't blame them, but like that's why there comes like you need to have your own boundaries, your own things with your parents, and whether they understand or they don't, that's not on you. Exactly. It's hard as the oldest daughters. It's hard. It is a tough one. It is very tough, but I feel like once you realize that, life's become so much easier.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

It is like it's one of those, like, we want to be able to provide for them and protect them and help them once they get older. And I feel like both of us especially like will do that because like the everything we do in life is thinking about when that time comes and we really need to be there for them. Yeah,

Eldest Daughter Pressure And Independence

SPEAKER_00 15:26

I don't think for like I don't think they realize that, and like it's just I can see how hard it is for them to work that in their minds and be like, Yeah, yeah, okay. But then I'm like, we look around. I'm like, you know, like everyone else leaves the nest at one point. Yeah. So I'm like, so for example, I never wanted to get married, like I still don't. Like it's one of those, like, I'm not gonna say never gonna happen. I just don't want to get married. But then I'm like, will I only move out if I found someone? Like it is like no, like, reality is, and I've said that before, even to my family. I'm like, I'm not gonna be living with them to then move out and go live with someone else who's a stranger. Yeah. If I wanted a roommate, if I wanted someone to share a place with, I'll just stay home. I want the experience of being by myself, of like having my own space, deciding what I when I want to be in, when I want to be out, what I want to be doing, what I want to eat. If I don't feel like cooking, it's fine because there's no one else depending on it. It's just having that, like, I'm only taking care of myself and myself only. And it's fair, like a lot of people live with their families and they do only take care of themselves, only. I feel like because we're very family-oriented and everything is about that strong family core, it's like we're taking we we we are parents, it's like we have a family, and every time we're like, oh my god, like if it's our day to cook, we're like, yeah, okay, I need to make food food, but then oh, this person doesn't like this, that person doesn't like that. I'm like, okay, I need to stick within this type of stuff, and it's like you you're being a parent, you're taking care of kids. Technically are older than you, it should be taking care of you, but it's just like that mentality of like hello, like, don't you see that we need that time to be by ourselves and to grow and to be independent in a certain way? Because living leaving a home where we're taking care of a family to go and start a family, like it's it's exhausting.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

It is, it's absolutely exhausting. And the ironic part is is that it's our own parents that will talk about how exhausted it was for them to do that, and yet they expect the same from their own children.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

So it's like it's ironic. I mean, like, it's quite funny because like both my parents are the youngest of six. Oh and like fair enough, they were the last ones to leave the nest, and growing up, definitely not like, especially my mom, like, not as many or anything close to responsi responsibility whatsoever. And then, but like my dad was a little bit different upbringing, and you know, he started working when he was very young, and like I feel like I am ambitious and I have that like fired in me because of him and because of who he is. Yeah, so I'm like grateful for that, but still, he was the youngest. Like, there were certain responsibilities that were not on him at any given point that are in me, and it it's not because of him, it's not because of my mom, it's just they are my responsibilities of being the oldest daughter, and especially having a younger brother who is like, hey, like, boys are completely different than girls. Absolutely, we tend to be a little bit more smart about what we do. Not that I was by any means more smart than my brother, but that's the thing. Like, I did the things, I I lived through the s consequences, and I'm like, I'm hoping he learned from my own mistakes. Well, he did. He never gets in trouble for certain things, and then I'm like, how, how, how do they know about me, but not about you? But it's okay. I'm the best. I'm proud. I did a good job raising him, you know? But yeah, there's so much within the family dynamics. I'm like, okay, maybe it's my age that it's affecting it, and it's getting to that point that I'm like, it's I mean it is change, it is age involves age as well.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Because, like you said, you get to a point in life that you realize that just because you're the way you want to live alone or you wanna does not mean that you don't love your parents anymore, or that you don't like their company, because in their head that's how it sounds like when you tell them. It's not that, it's because they preach you like be independent, live for yourself, this, but then you when you want to, they never let you.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

It's like growing up, it's like you don't need a man to pay for anything for you. You go to a bar, oh you can afford your own drinks, you don't need someone to buy anything for you. And I'm like, fair enough, like I know that. I always was like that through my whole life. I was very like, if I have my own money, I'll just get my own thing. Like, I don't ask anyone, not even my parents. But I'm like, if you make me be that independent, if you teach me how to be that independent, why does that not translate to the rest of my life? Why is that only until like I'm actually capable of moving out? And you're like, no, now you need to stay in. You cannot be independent, you need me. And I'm like, Yeah, uh I lost translation. This is your teaching. Reboot.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

No, I saw it. I feel like the class of how to be a daughter, we haven't graduated from it.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

I feel like I don't think we're ever gonna graduate.

SPEAKER_01 21:15

I feel like I keep taking the same class over and over again on it. Rebeat. Fail. No matter how hard I passed.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Oh, never mind, fail.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

No, it's uh it's a hard, it's a hard one to go around it, especially like you said, as the eldest daughter. Sorry, I don't care what anyone says. It is so much different being the eldest son than being the eldest daughter. I mean, you you have that. I literally am the prime example of it. My mom was the eldest daughter from her family, the first grandchild, everything. So she was all the responsibility was on her, everything was on her, right?

SPEAKER_00 21:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

I'm not the eldest child. I have two older siblings than me, but I'm the eldest daughter. So it feels like at this point I should have been every the eldest everything because that's how I feel like sometimes. The pressure's on you because you're the the woman. Exactly. The mo what like the siblings that take care of the taking care of them, the household, and also taking care of the uh being taken care of myself, all of that is just expected somehow. I don't know who came up with that rule.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

And it's funny because like I feel like lately there's a lot of talk out there about like the like childhood trauma, the things are embedded within the oldest daughter's mind, and there's been a lot of talk about it. And I'm like, why do we only start talking about it now? Is it because you know we finally started giving the respect to the mental health and the respect to everything that people actually go through, like childhood trauma, and like how to better yourself, and like there's been a lot of improvement in those areas. Is that the reason why now we actually give value to the oldest daughter and we see what it actually affects woman growing up? I mean, it was in play through all these years.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

I feel like it's be more because we started questioning it, okay? Like mental health comes a part of it, is it is a part of it, but also I I will stand on this till the day I die. Is our generation start questioning the why of it, okay? Before us, they just took it, okay. They were like, okay, I guess it is my responsibility that I cannot say anything, I don't have another choice. But now we start questioning of why? Why did it fall on me? Why who made that the decision that it should be the eldest daughter? And we're trying to change it, and we're by changing it, that's when a lot of topics come about. That it's oh, it's not my only experience. There's another daughter, eldest daughter there, there's another one there, doesn't that we go through literally?

SPEAKER_00 24:17

But then is that making our generation weak? No, I feel like it will make it stronger. So he here's the thing. I'm like, in the end of the day, fair enough, like there is a lot of change, and I think a lot of parents are changing even the way they treat their kids to begin with, because of that, and because of that awareness. But then I look around and I'm like, my generation is already an issue. Yeah, like the people don't really know what work is, people don't have work ethic, everyone thinks that uh stuff just appears, there's no that ambition and that like fire within people, like used to be, like my dad's generation and before that. So is all this change making us weaker in

Parenting Balance And Real Discipline

SPEAKER_00 25:07

a way?

SPEAKER_01 25:07

I don't think so necessarily, okay? Just because, like I said, it's different fonts, it comes with different fonts, different household, different rules, and everything, okay? It's how you take it and move on with it. For now, a lot of people don't work with their own trauma before starting a family, or before that that's why there's no they let their children lose, okay? Because they're like, oh, I couldn't do this, so I'm gonna let my child, I couldn't scream at home, so I'm gonna let my child scream at home. I couldn't do it, but then like you're not disciplining your child because you're not healed yourself.

SPEAKER_00 25:46

So going back to the beginning of this podcast episode, use protection. Yeah, uh, make sure you're not having those kids until you are sure that you're capable of educating them and making them a better human being.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 26:03

Because it just we are in in a world that there is a lot of people out there. There's not a lot of good people, there's not a lot of workers, there's not a lot of like ambitious people to like go-getters, like we're we're lacking a lot of that. That's true, and I I like have cousins, I have uh family friends, friends, like I see the way that there are parenting, and it's just in my mind, I'm like, how how did we got here? Why are we changing things in such a way that I'm like, can you like if you stop and imagine that kid as an adult? Oh, horrible. I'm like, I don't want to be around it because I would I would just would lose it. Like everything is given, everything is there. I'm like, no, no, teach your kids how to work for it.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Exactly. That's what I mean, like, right? As like there's a big difference between giving your children trauma and disciplining them to become better themselves. Yeah, what we're saying, as like don't if you have an oldest daughter, this generation forward, don't put all the responsibility on them, don't expect everything from them so they can grow, right? They can find their they can be themselves, they can choose their own path and everything. But that doesn't mean let them lose like these people do nowadays. Control when they go out, when they come home. Absolutely, not like full-on, but like there has to be ground rules. Exactly. Okay, I I was some sort of responsibility. I 100% still believe in a lot of way things that my parents did when we were growing up. It made me a better person, it made my uh siblings a better person. And until this day, we will like talk about it and we'll and my parents will start getting defensive. I'm like, no, no, no, no, we're happy that you did it. Like it's a good thing. Exactly. We're like, we're not mad or traumatized or anything, we're glad that you did it because it made me a better person, it made me want to work, want to uh be driven, have passion for things, and not expect that everything's gonna fall in my feet when I ask for it. You know, life doesn't work that way. I wish right, I wish I had a genie that'd be like $10,000, 10k and it's right there. It doesn't work that way. So I feel like it is like you said, there has to be ground rules. We have to find a balance. Yeah, our generation, I will say, have don't have balance. It's either extremely high or low. Yeah, there's no middle ground.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

No, it's it's it will get better. It will get better. Inshallah, let's hope. And they're gonna all the future parents, new parents will be listening to this and they'll be like, okay. I see what they're saying. Yeah, I better keep some ropes around and tie this kid down for a little bit and be like, yeah, this is like even giving small responsibilities around the house. Absolutely. That's a big step.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

It's psychology, like it's literally psychology, babe. Okay, our brain works as a little child to growing up by positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, all of that. Okay, there's a way to do it to not give them trauma, but like I said, still bring up great people, right?

Wrap-Up And Final Thoughts

SPEAKER_01 29:40

Okay, guys.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

So thanks for listening to us talk. Yeah, no, I think it was good. You know, we had the fun story to begin with, and then uh we finished on a strong topic, I would say. Yeah, you know, it's something that we've been both of us been discussing for a couple few days lately. A lot of thoughts going on for sure, and uh, it's just a part of our wives that we're figuring it out, we're getting through it.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

Absolutely, and we're no expert on it either. Like you said, we're figuring out as we go as well. Yeah, sound experience in the end of the day. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Okay, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

And this is She Say What She Said.