Remember the Titans: Answers from the Gray Areas

Topics - Divine Trines, Twin Flames, Left Side - Strong Side, Black and White, Lines & Lyrics

Rabbit Hole: Releasing parenting guilt and easing up on the vilification of screentime

***Trigger Warnings: 

racism, segregation, violence, threats, corruption, blackmail, car accident, paralysis

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*I 100% own my novice capabilities regarding microphone work, sound mixing, and editing. I apologize if the imperfections take away from your experience and will always be working to do better.

Keep watching, reading, listening, and weaving - the answers are waiting for you!

With unending love,

Katie

Medium: medium.com/@genofvenus

Transcript

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Howdy ho, Ranger Joes, and welcome to Popcorn for the Soul, a podcast where I decode spirituality and universal guidance in our favorite pop culture. My name is Katie, student of life, lover of stories, and cosmic weaver pulling at the threads that connect it all. Top of the episode disclaimer: I am not a critic. I am not here to share with you my ratings or tell you whether or not a piece of work is worth your time. I do not subscribe to the belief of other people telling you how to feel about a piece of art. I am also not suggesting that any of the people involved in the creation of these stories are conscious or not conscious of the connections that I will be pointing out. And most importantly, I am not here to tell you that your interpretation or enjoyment of your favorite stories is incorrect. I am simply hoping to offer a deeper perspective based on my own experiences and knowledge. I thank you so much for your support by being here and listening, and I hope that I can provide some insight into life's mysteries for you. Even the tiniest spark of illumination is enough for me because that's where it starts after all. This week we are talking about remember the titans, trigger warnings, racism, segregation, violence, threats, corruption, blackmail, car accident, and paralysis. Kicking it off with our spoiler-free general themes, the bravery required to enter the system within its rules and change it from the inside out, using common ground as the safe space to dispel perceived differences and bring people together. How two perspectives of a situation can be true: the gray areas, the divine feminine as a unique strength in the form of defense and safety. How even those prejudiced against can still have their own prejudices. The length of facade and corruption that those who seek to remain in power will go to in order to ensure that their system doesn't change. The power of being an example instead of forcing others to change, humor as a diffuser of tension, and how worldly experience and expanding beyond what you were born into opens the mind and eliminates prejudice. Okay, we are entering Spoiler City. So if you have not seen Remember the Titans, this is your chance to go and check it out. Especially if you want to understand what I'm going to talk about. So as always, I will be right here. Spiritual journey overview. So I watched Freedom Writers not too long ago and very much planned to do an episode on it. But when I was preparing for the watch, I wondered how the translation to a spiritual journey from a movie based on real events would work out. Like if the screenwriter is working with a story that already exists, there's only so much to be done with creative license and molding it to the story they want to tell and the message they want to impart. Well, I'll tell you, it's not a problem at all. And watching Remember the Titans solidified my opinion. When we are caught up in our daily 3D lives and entirely closed off to the machinations of the universe and the divine, we treat everything magical as coincidence, growth as punishment, and setbacks as bad luck. It's easy to see these things as linear and unconnected within the confines of each difficult moment. So I think there's actually a great power in the based on a true story genre. It's often that little details aren't always perfect and some things are left in or out and some things are added for emotional flair and flavor, but you're putting a large span of life into a two-hour narrative. Therefore, the focus is all about the big moments, the obvious changes, the major setbacks, and their bigger rebounding successes. The story highlights the breadcrumbs that are the spiritual journey so that us audience members can learn the lesson without having to live it ourselves. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Everything matters, but the moments that make it into the script are the ones that have the most impact and influence leading up to the victory. When these people were living it, it may not have felt all that magical or meaningful. That's what the movie, or whatever adaptation, is for. To honor the 3D grind of the 5D impact, to tell a story that deserves to be told and shine a spotlight on the people who wrote it day by day. And it's fun as heck to see the steps of the journey play out in a real life scenario. You can't write it off as fantasy that way or say that only happens in the movies, because, well, clearly not. It's 1971 in Alexandria, Virginia, where the T.C. Williams High School Board has been forced to integrate black students into their all-white school. It wreaks havoc, of course, but if there's one thing Americans of all colors can agree on, it's football. And like many small towns, football at the high school level is one of the activities that brings the community together in a big way. What better way to stick it to the superior man than by infiltrating his perceived domain and demonstrating how the very principles he detests are those that lend not only to improvement, but miracles. All the characters are seemingly forced into tight, limiting, and manipulated situations that require them to step up and make the best of it for the sake of everyone. I say seemingly because when you believe in divine timing and missions, you know it's not human but universal force, which is simply not the same. And roll your eyes all you want, but you can see the difference right here in the movie. The conniving humans certainly do their best to knock the divine orchestration off its path. All it would take is one loss for the work and progress to be completely derailed. So everyone who understood the mission on a soul level aligned to prevent that from happening. Of course, through practical steps, we get to see that can easily take all of the credit, but that's the whole thing about a spiritual journey. The literal 3D steps can only do so much themselves, but they are what builds the foundation, what sets the scene for each little moment to mean something in the grand scheme of the mission. Yes, in sports you condition your body and your mind. Yes, you create plays and practice them over and over, but I'm pretty sure any athlete, coach, and spectator would agree that you need to be able to think on your feet and make snap decisions because things don't always go as planned. Honestly, they hardly ever do, right? There's too many other people and factors involved to assume you could ever be in complete control. Why would you play the game if you were? There's no fun or learning in that. The inner work, the foundation we just mentioned, is what prepares you to make the decisions that align with the universe's vision in those critical moments. To unconsciously, and eventually consciously, choose the path that tells the right story. To overcome your insecurity as a quarterback through focusing not on the glory of it, but as a conduit of leadership to show a brown-nosing, violent bully that you are not here to mess around and you will protect your own, whether or not he's the same color as you. For real, sunshine, throwing that a-hole over his back for Rev is and will always be my favorite part of the movie. He's from California and does Tai Chi. Spiritually, he knows what's up. This story needed to happen the way it did because it needed to be told. You bet your booty. We're gonna talk about why. Okay, so for our divine trines, just as a reminder, your masculine energy is all about structure, logic, action, grounding, reason, the material, conscious, and active energy. Mother, intuition, compassion, nurturing, emotion, empathy, subconscious, newly added protection, which we will talk about, and receptive energy. Child, innocence, wonder, imagination, creativity, unconditional love, superconscious, neutral energy. All of these energies and archetypes are within us, regardless of gender. We must balance the three to be our best selves and reach our highest potential. Stories provide objective viewpoints of each perspective through the individual characters. And depending on which relationship dynamic you are looking at, you might be able to label yourself differently within that. So our catalyst trine, masculine, we have Coach Boone, mother, we have Coach Yost, Child, the Titans, what I'm calling the anchor trine, masculine, we have Julian, mother, we have Gary, child. We're calling their mission the example. Okay, for the twin flame dynamic, I assigned both the coaches together and then Julian and Gary together. Obviously, this is not a romantic assignment, but it is a perfect example of divine counterparts and the idea of one plus one equals three. When we talk about the divine trines, many times the child energy is not that of a person, but that of a divine mission. Twin flames who come into union are the embodiment of a partnership that is more than the sum of its parts, a saying and concept that I could never wrap my mind around until seeing it through this lens. In sacred geometry, there is a symbol called the Vesica piscis or Pisces. You may be more familiar with it as what is called a Venn diagram. It is the visual of two separate opposite polarity entities andor energies coming together to create this third energy, representing the union of those opposites. It is also called the womb of the universe. And yes, it's totally fair to say that the intersection looks like a vaginal opening, which makes sense considering it's regarded as the symbol of the divine feminine, fertility, and birth of life. It's seen as the source of divine light, a bridge connecting the spiritual heavenly realm to the material earthly realm. It's used in art to frame divine figures who represent human forms of this bridge. Where I was first introduced to it was on Prime's Gaia channel, the show Sacred Geometry, Spiritual Science, with Dr. Robert J. Gilbert, founder of the Vesica Institute. He used it as an overlay on a painting of a crucified Jesus with the two other victims on either side. I think it's pretty clear that the third energies of the coaches together and Julian and Gary together were about much more than winning some football games. God, source, the universe, the divine, whatever your preference, doesn't care about football. It cares about unity through universal consciousness. The layer where you realize we all originate from the same place and that the color of our skin should mean nothing beyond a designation of our 3D geographical roots. But most humans do not live in that understanding yet. Bill Nye gave it his best shot to show us, but we've got a long way to go. That's why this story happened. That's why it was chosen to be told in a big way, because the universe wanted it to be heard. And strangely enough, that vesica intersection kind of looks like a football too, doesn't it? Coincidence or divine orchestration? Always your choice. Topic number one, left side strong side. I really hope everyone is familiar with the line left side strong side, the chant, the mantra, if you will, that finally brings the team together at camp. The left side of the body is the side associated with the divine feminine, receptive energy. Gary and Julian are clearly referring to their positions on the defensive line, but you and I are going to refer to the spiritual parallel, okay? When we think of masculine strength, we tend to think of the physical material type, literal muscles, and the discipline and determination in the work hard sense. The type that obviously has a lot of purpose in football. But I invite you to think of the strength of a mother, what the body goes through during pregnancy, the sheer willpower in giving birth, surviving postpartum, and living every single day to keep a child safe and healthy, the energy of the divine feminine, specifically the mother, is all about nurturing, compassion, empathy, and duh protection, which, as mentioned before, I added to my list. Of course, a father protects, the masculine energy protects, but through materialistic means, providing stability and security, often leaving their duty of protection at that level only. A mother protects the heart of her child, their dreams, their empathy, and their compassion. This is her daily duty to create a safe space and landing pad for big ideas and big emotions. But oh boy, if you come after her baby in any way, she's going to come after you. We call that the mama bear, yes? Julian and Gary are on the team's defense. They defend the end zone, protect the score, but they're also the example of empathy and compassion for the rest of the team. They're the first ones to show the others what can come from moving past judgment, hate, and assumptions into a place of supportive, caring, and understanding friendship. The first stone dropped that sends out the ripples of change. We identified Yost as the mother of his trine. He's the defense's coach, but he's the one who has to check boon on his yelling and intensity. He's the one who stayed on with his demotion because he contributed to the upbringing of these young men as their coach over the years and wanted to help them during this really tough culture-clashing, world-shattering transition. He's the father who allows his daughter to be passionate about whatever she wants, not the one who tries to convince her to do girly things because of a different kind of prejudice. The day after I had this portion written out, the quote in my daily 1440 email was from Booker T. Washington: There are two ways of exerting one's strength. One is pushing down, the other is pulling up. The understanding in the spiritual community is that we will attain new earth status through the rise of the divine feminine. That's the whole point of the episode on K-pop Demon Hunters. We've worked material comforts to the bone. Our systems have been built entirely around masculine energy and they are collapsing. We don't need any more protection in the form of money and status. We need protection of our hearts and nurturing of our souls. That's where the mother energy comes in. When you think defense, you think of the physically biggest, strongest, and heaviest guys. Those on offense are lithe and quick. So it seems wrong to label the offensive line as the masculine and defensive line as the feminine, but I'm not the one doing it. Julian, Gary, and Coach Yost did. And Coach Boone certainly claimed the masculine when he asked Gary who his daddy is. These guys don't just work on the field to keep the other team from scoring points. They hold the line in their daily lives against that which would threaten the peace and the love that every team member put the work in to create. They protect the emotional sanctuary of the Titans by keeping the scoreboard of hate at zero. And with that much hate coming at them, it was and continues to be no easy task. Left side, strong side. Okay, next topic, black and white. Are you surprised? Here we go. There's a line that really grinds my gears in this movie. Right at the end. Quote, people say that it can't work, black and white. Here we make it work every day. Unquote. I don't not like it because it's poorly written or because it doesn't do a good job summing up the story. I don't like it because it's icky that it even has to be said. We shouldn't have to make it work. The baseline reality of our existence is that it's supposed to work naturally and without having to try so hard. I said it in the episode on Frozen 2. If something or someone was not meant to exist, it or they would not. So anytime you treat another human being as lesser than you, as if they don't deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, as if they don't deserve true joy, love, and happiness, you're stripping them of their natural rights as an existing entity of this world. If this happens out of anger, hurt, or heat of the moment reactionary behavior, that's human. That's a matter of emotions getting the better of you, a shared universal shortcoming. If you treat someone that way simply because they are different from you, be it by color, gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, etc., that's ignorant. That is a choice you are making based on opinions you have formed through misguided teachings, twisted history, and hateful influences. But it's also ignorant to dismiss everything that this way of life has left in its wake. We absolutely cannot forget the havoc our ancestors have wreaked because it is all the example of what not to do. That's why it has all existed. Most of the time, we learn about ourselves and what we want by experiencing what we don't, by what works and what doesn't. News flash. Racism doesn't work, sexism doesn't work, homophobia and transphobia don't work. They promote fear, hate, and separation. The exact opposite of unity and universal consciousness. That's why the world feels like it's falling apart. Because it's not working. That's why there's so much targeting of transgender folk at the moment. The 3D understanding, of course, being that people find it unnatural and cannot wrap their minds around it. But the 5D being that of recognizing how it's because not as many people are on board with and unified by racism or sexism anymore, or hating the gays. So that union through fear energy has latched on to its next target. We are constantly fighting in this war. I'm not even close to one of the most targeted, and I'm exhausted. Aren't you? I recently started a new job substitute teaching at my old high school. And in every classroom, I write a poem on the board, put post-its on every desk, and provide a jar for said post-its, encouraging the students to write down anything they want to share. I say, anything you want to get off your chest, something that's bothering you, something you wish you could say to someone but can't for whatever reason, something exciting you want to share, anything. Just get it out there. I thought I'd get a few here and there. My jar was completely full at the end of my sixth day. And just to clarify, three of those six days were in a ceramics class where I got maybe four notes because I couldn't put the post-its on their desks and had to leave them up front. It's vulnerable enough for them to participate. Add in the extra step of having to make a show of it plus out of sight, out of mind, it just wasn't happening. But anyway, the point is, I was nervous to do this. I figured I'd be judged, laughed at, not taken seriously, and of course there are those who do roll their eyes at it. But oh man, the students who do choose to share really share. I've gotten some very kind, encouraging, complimentary notes. I've had amazing artists draw me cool pictures, I've gotten origami, and most importantly to me, I've gotten some really heavy stuff. Parents, talk to your teenagers, please. One of the notes I received on the very first day made me cry. A lot of them moved me, but because of serendipitous circumstances, I knew who this one came from, and it broke my heart a little bit. Let me sidebar for a little extra context and to, as always, offer up a personal example of the things that happened in our lives for us to cultivate understanding and compassion for later events and the influencing of our morals and beliefs. While living in LA, I took acting classes specific to a certain method called the Meisner technique. I won't even try to explain it because you don't know unless you know. But the stage we were at was doing partner work where you would say a single statement that your partner would then have to repeat back to you exactly, but with whatever emotion they felt in response. Same exact words, no matter what you feel. The point was to pick a statement bold enough to get a reaction from them for you to then build off and go back and forth based on the emotions behind it, blah blah. My partner for this was my first real friend in LA, Dante. If you ever listen to this, hi! He's mixed race, black and white. Didn't mean much to me, so I never even thought to consider a reference to that. But our instructor came and whispered in my ear what she wanted me to say. And though I can't recall the precise phrasing, it was something about him being too white or too light to be black, you know, something like that. I was really worried about saying it. But remember his response is like a laugh, but while rolling his eyes and that kind of scoffing chuckle as if to say, yeah, okay, really sarcastically. Like, okay, yeah, I'm too white to be black, kind of like that. Seeming like he didn't care. When I asked him about it later, he said that that stereotype is not something that gets to him. He's dealt with it enough and couldn't be bothered by it anymore. So at the time, I thought it was a waste of a statement. Looking back now, I realized my instructor gave me a gift because it was certainly not nothing. I won't presume to understand that I know how he actually feels, but I look back at that moment and know there was something else. Either it's a defense mechanism and he really does care, or he really is over that particular judgment and just so exhausted with the idea that someone would think it's still a thing. Just like I'm exhausted that we still need to make it work. That was the first time I was ever exposed to the nuanced racism experienced by light-skinned black men and women. Then I recently watched The Blackening, a hilarious grounded horror movie with an all-black cast where each character seems to be representative of the stereotyping specific to common archetypes in the black community. I don't think I would have caught that without the light-skinned woman and her reference tropes. It's the only nuanced stereotype I've ever been introduced into my own life, but with that as a bridge, I was able to pick up on the rest. Now back to the post-it. To know my hometown is to know that diversity is not one of its boastable tenets. So when a student of a different race walks into the classroom, I already know they're facing some battles on the daily. When I was in high school, the number of black students, or any race other than white, was so small that if you were referencing one of them, the conversation would go something like this. Who? The black one. Oh, the one who plays football? No, the other one. Oh, okay, gotcha. I'm not joking. No exaggeration. My first day of subbing gave me a good idea of the current ratio. I don't have an exact count, but say I was in the presence of a hundred or more different students across the hours in that classroom. There were a total of seven black students, one Hispanic student whose first language is Spanish, everybody else, white.

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Cannot imagine what that must be like as far as feeling out of place so blatantly. In Remember the Titans, when they're arriving to the first day of school, Gary's girlfriend points out the judgmental faces of the black students and says, Look, Gary, they hate us. In Freedom Writers, Ava says, I hate white people on sight. This does not offend me. It makes perfect sense to me. And I shouldn't have to go into detail as to why I feel that way. That hatred is stemming from a foundation of fear, fear that our ancestors have instilled through their hatred, entitlement, and unjust power. So when this young black boy, only a tenth grader, walked into class, my instinct was to place some assumptions on his situation. We all do this, yes. But not from a place of judgment, from a place of sympathy and support. Because I know how my school is, I already know he's probably treated a certain way. A minority who is seen by his color before anything else. Then because he is light skinned with blue or green eyes, I don't know, they're really bright and beautiful. I know there's that extra layer where he might not even feel at place with those deemed as his people. Plus, he's short. I'm seeing these things through a lens of softness, not for categorizing, not to point it out and say, I want you to see that I see your color, which means I see you and I got you. That's just bringing more attention to the difference. Ever heard of the white savior complex? Yeah, that's that. No. I store that information to be able to recognize and forgive why he might be behaving a certain way, why he can't focus, why he keeps leaving his group to go hang around the other group with another black student, why he's class clowning a little bit. And I really want to clarify this part. The real point A to point B. It's not he's misbehaving because he's black. It's there's a good chance he's got some hidden struggles, and I'm going to meet him where he's comfortable meeting me. So he spilled some water while he was messing around. I walked over and said, Well, what happened here? He said, Oh, I think I spilled some water. And I said, Well, I don't think you did. It looks like you really did, huh? As he's cleaning up a giant puddle of water with paper towels. But this wasn't mean. It was extremely lighthearted, and it gave him a chance to smile at his own mistake instead of feeling reprimanded for it. And I said, Thank you for cleaning it up and moved on. He knew he got a little carried away. I didn't need to shame him for it, especially in front of 30 other kids. I focused on the fact that he took responsibility and remedied the oopsie, a praise for doing the right thing, not judgment for the quote, mistake. I didn't have to ask him to focus or return to his seat after that. Then the next time I came around, he had grabbed the post-it and asked what to write. I said, whatever you want. When he went to put it in the jar, he asked if he could crumple it up, and I said, Of course, if that's what works for you. So when I found the one crumpled up note, I knew it was him who had said, I want to tell the people I disappoint not to give up on me. Signed unknown. In cursive, I might add. Tenth grade. Not black, not white, not mixed, not short or tall, but a universal sentiment. And one that, if I may insert my energetic lens, maybe came out of him because he had just done something that might be construed as disappointing. And in the scary moment between the oopsie and the possible reprimand, he dealt with some feelings of regret that he wanted out of his system. Do you see it? Spirituality does not support duality. Good versus evil, man versus woman, yes or no, hot or cold, wrong or right, black or white. It supports the gray areas. The realms of nuance between these seemingly opposite concepts and identifications. Those nuances act as the threads that bridge the gaps and guide us to that common ground. For things to improve, our answers have to come from posing the questions that stem from there, not from separation. We are the same in our hearts. Those are the wounds we need to heal for the ripple effect to matter and actually work. I was back in that classroom the following week, and that young man came into the room and said out loud, without any undertones, Oh, my favorite sub. Come on, he could have been messing with you, Katie. No, for sure. I get it. I said, Oh my goodness, thank you so much. Wait, do you say that to all the subs? No, I'm being serious. When I reminded the class about the jar, I pointed out, like how I mentioned earlier, that I had received encouragement and happy things and drawings, and he interrupted and said, Oh, I'm pretty sure I put something really sad in there. And I said, You sure did. And I appreciate that even more. So thank you. I also start every new class by introducing myself, giving a little bit of my background, including my stint at their same school, common ground, remember, and writing quick reference points about what they can expect from me on the board. Because I had already gone through the spiel with them, I instead wrote the same list but with blanks. I wanted to test their memories and impart a lesson on the superpower that is active listening when someone talks to you. That student was the one who filled in all the blanks. We've got to stop trying to help people by focusing on that which has already been exhausted, that focuses on the differences and continues to bring the spotlight always to that. We need to fix things by looking in the gray areas to examine the web of hurts that connect all of us, every single being. Those are the only answers that will work. And this perfectly segues into our lines and lyrics portion, which funnily enough is going to pull from the outsiders musical what we talked about in the last episode. So there is a song called Hopeless War, and it's a back and forth between Pony Boy and Cherry. So Pony Boy the Greaser and Cherry, who is a Soch, which is short for socialites. So if we see Pony Boy and the Greasers as any like minority or group that has treated them lesser than because of their meager resources and social status and financial status, and then cherry as any group that sees themselves as above that. I'm just gonna read the lyrics to you. So Pony Boy starts off the song by saying, A battle's raging in my head. I swear your friends, they wanted me dead. I never would have fought before, but the socias, they declared this war. Then cherry. But this war, it eats you up inside, till you're blinded by foolish pride. When you only see the world one way, it's only black and white, but never gray. One by one we fall in line, the same mistake a thousand times, doing what we've all been raised to do. Now Johnny's hurt and Bob has died. When will we be satisfied? I know somewhere inside of you you feel the same way too. It's a hopeless war we're fighting, and we don't even know what for. The truth is, even in the end, even if you win, it doesn't change a thing. You'll still be the losers destined to fail, and we'll be the lucky ones. Got the whole world by the tail. I came to you because I thought you might be the only one who understands. This hopeless war is so completely hopeless in the end. And the song ends with Pony Boy saying, I can't sit this one out. I just can't. The war is hopeless if we keep fighting it this way. Where one side will come out over the other. If we start looking for the ways where everybody wins, then there is no war to fight. Not easy, but simple. Okay, we have arrived at the rabbit hole, so this is where I ask you to trade your PC thinking caps for your mad hats and follow me down. Parenting, opinions, screen time. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect breeding grounds for mom guilt. But postpartum depression accidentally added an extra ingredient. A big old eff it. Thus, Miss Rachel and Disney movies became household constants. Using their ultra superpowers, high energy education, and empathy helped tremendously. A mother who dedicated her life to protecting her daughter from hate and the forces of evil. Dun dun dun dun dun dun No, seriously, they saved my sanity. And I'm here to defend that it's done nothing but help shape my daughter into the empathetic, goofy, loving, intelligent, bright light that she is. When you are home alone with your infantslash toddler for the entire 12 hours they are awake for four days straight at a time, struggling with fibromyalgia, living somewhere that has you entirely isolated from family and close friends, you gotta do something to make it a little easier. I spent so many days wasting my time fighting with the guilt of putting something on TV to help us get through the day. Meals only take up so much time. Walks and time at the park only last so long. A child is interested in a book for barely even the five minutes it takes to read one, so on and so forth. The point is that the truth is this. There is so much downtime as a stay-at-home mom constantly taunting you with the guilt of not filling it in some productive, enriching way. But when you're not doom scrolling on social media or reading parenting articles, or constantly talking to other people and moms who have their own opinions about every teeny little thing, you realize that you are free to raise your child how you want. Of course, and this goes without saying, with the precursor that you're not neglecting or endangering the child. Sometimes the quiet really is just too much. And if there are resources available to help make things a little easier, especially as a parent, there should be no shame in using them. Miss Rachel kept my nine-month-old safely rooted to the spot while I cooked dinner. She is about to turn four and is more articulate than some adults I know. She told someone to stop antagonizing me the other day. She didn't say it perfectly, but I clarified and then she said it correctly. But guess what? Miss Rachel didn't teach her that word, nor did it teach her to understand the situation that informed her choice of that word. Well, maybe a little bit, but at the level of learning design specifically for infants and toddlers. No. Her empathy and situational awareness has come from stories on the screen. She's seen all the Disney movies, more than once, obviously, because you know that's how kids do it. Me too. She's very familiar with the entire Scooby-Doo universe, loves the Mario and Sonic movies, Puss in Boots, Paranorman, which is all about like, you know, witches and zombies, and is actually kind of scary. The Batman animated series, little bit of blues clues, lots of paw patrol. K-pop Demon Hunters has to be her favorite movie. Oh, but she also loves Titanic. And how would you feel if I said she's seen snakes on a plane? Yeah, that one was the grandparents, um, and we did draw a little line there. The thing is, her father and I know these movies, and we watch them with her. We're available to talk about things and answer the questions she has, which in itself is an amazing lesson in what kids are able to comprehend and their ability to connect things. She watched two episodes of Avatar The Last Airbender with me, and the next day she laid out four seashells and said their names are Air, Water, Fire, and Earth. In the first episode, when Aang comes out of the iceberg, he literally lights up from the inside and shoots a beacon into the sky, then comes out of it all groggy, stumbling, like half dead, rolling into Katara's arms, where he's barely awake and half mumbling to try and get something out. It's pretty tense, you know? Well, right when you least expect it, he wakes up completely, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and says, Do you want to go penguin sledding with me? If it fit the genre, it would be a funny record scratch moment. My daughter provided that record scratch moment by shouting an incredulous, What? My brother thought she was confused by the term penguin sledding. I know better. She was living in the reality of that situation and responding accordingly. Then later, when they do the flashback scene to show us how Aang ended up in that iceberg in the first place, she said, Oh, that's how we got in the ice. What the heck, bro? Not only did she understand the cause and effect, she took it in in a nonlinear presentation. That's crazy. My friend, the teacher, recently hit a snag with parent disapproval regarding a book assigned by the state curriculum. It's a story about a boy who is lost alone in the woods, finding physical ways to survive as well as the willpower to do so. His parents are going through a divorce, and he is aware that his mother had an affair because he saw her kiss another man. These are real-life adult topics, but presented in a format deemed appropriate by whatever educational powers at be. It was a success when she did it for the first time last year, and she told me how she and the class had really good conversations. They even watched the movie adaptation, no problems. But this year, someone didn't like it. Months prior to starting the book, an informational packet was sent out as a heads up. Then, as it got closer, my friend set out an email reinforming all the parents of the heavier themes that would be approached. Well, here's the thing. She presented the topics using the words we as adults understand divorce, affair, suicidal thoughts, etc. It's not that the book presents these themes as blatantly as she did. She was just using the language appropriate to the age level of the conversation. It was misconstrued and I'm sure fanned the flame of indoctrination paranoia. So now one student is left entirely out of the experience. Their choice, but you know, in my opinion, there's such a thing as too much shielding. I'd personally rather see at what capacity my child absorbs something within reason, of course, and have a conversation with her about it on my terms. We can't hide our children from the realities of daily life, but we do have the power to influence their reaction and integration of it. In fact, that's one of our primary duties as parents, not to manipulate them, not to tell them what to think, but how to think, to guide them through the process of digesting something and figuring out for themselves what it means to them. I wish I didn't have to clarify that the influence should be that of kindness, but we are so lacking in that these days. Be kind, be kind, be kind. The belief I have formed about how children absorb stories from witnessing how my daughter responds to movies and shows and whatnot, and the conversation from my friend is this. Their emotional intelligence will open them up to what they are meant to learn. Their logical intelligence will protect them from what they're not yet ready to understand. I chose to do an episode on Remember the Titans because I connected a thread from what I've seen in my daughter to what I remember from watching this movie as a child. Gary Bertir was a role model to me before I even knew what a role model was. He has been a character that has hung around in my mind my whole life, originally without any conscious understanding of why. His was just a story that I latched on to. This movie was constantly on cable and one that was the clear choice over everything else on the channel guide, so I saw it a lot, mostly in the background sense. At that age, I didn't understand the themes and the stakes, but I understood Gary's light. I understood that he represented something good and pure, and now I understand that I was drawn to that because that's what children are drawn to. The innocence before the corruption of competition judgment and expectations, the wonder and the unconditional love that recognizes that same love in others. Gary Bertir was always a name I remembered that I could reference in any conversation regarding the movie that other people didn't. And what a testament to Ryan Hearst and his acting. A much older man playing a football star was an inspiration to a young little girl. Not to become a football player herself, but to have faith in kindness and good people. Thanks for that, Ryan. And thanks for that, Gary. When this screen time topic is brought up in my world, my mom talks about how she always put Disney movies on for us as kids. I remember the giant box of VHSs that followed us house to house. I have no recollection of ever feeling neglected or like it was the only thing I ever did. But I love these movies more than anything and will gladly watch them with my own child. And as you've been a part of, even on my own, as I go back and see the hidden messages. So they clearly made a positive lasting impression. So, what if, what if, what if? We just chill out on the screen time debate, y'all. If you have the capacity to entertain your child and teach them empathy and humor and joy and grief entirely on your own, have at it. I don't. And just like I've pointed out in many other episodes, these stories give them the chance to experience these big feelings in a million different ways, opening up their perspective, tolerance, and ability to relate. My daughter can perform the entire golden music video. She knows that Elio is sad because his parents died and he wants them back so that they can be a happy family again. She wants you to pretend to be Jack and say, want to go to a real party so that she can then do an Irish jig and balance on her toes for you. She asks intelligent questions that challenge me to translate mature concepts into language a four-year-old would understand. When my stepdad spilled all of his sordid pills on the kitchen floor, my daughter went and sat next to him on the floor, put her hand on his shoulder, talked him through taking some deep breaths, and said that he didn't need to be angry and that she would help him clean it up. One day I was alone meditating in my room and she came to check on me, as she so often does, and entirely unprompted said, You're the strongest mommy. I know daddy gets mad at you sometimes, but I don't. And then she hugged me. And whenever I respond to a situation with respect, rationality, and compassion, she tells me she loves me. Yes, our parenting has helped to shape this, but I think more than anything else, it's that we give her a safe space to apply what she learns from those stories that just happen to be on a screen. We provide for her, redirect her, teach her, play with her, and keep her alive. But we're only living one life. With movies and shows, she gets to live a hundred more. Isn't that why any of us watch them? I'm just letting her do it before she gets thrown out into the world with only her own singular experience to guide her. That tends to not go well. Of course, it's about balance and content and not ignoring your child when they don't want to watch something. But these movies and this vilified screen time saved me and my sanity and therefore my relationship with my daughter. I have yet to see the detriment. I will keep you updated, but maybe don't hold your breath on this one. Thank you so much for hanging out. Join me next episode for cars. Keep watching, reading, listening, and weaving. The answers are waiting for you.