Message in a Bottle #1: Hello to the High Schoolers!

Switching it up a bit, trying out a new segment for my gap weeks. Ever wondered what's going on in high school these days? Frustrated with teenagers and rolling your eyes at their behavior, worried about our future because of our current youth? 

I hope you'll reconsider.

Hearing from High Schoolers as they respond to this call to action:

Message in a Bottle

Whatever you are carrying, put it out into the Universe

The answers you seek are waiting, however, you must ask first

Hopes and dreams, what you wish to manifest

Heed the call, give it your all, offer your best

But life can be hard, so if you’re feeling your worst

Get it off your chest, off your desk, let it out before you burst

And keep in mind all the while, you must hold tight to this universal truth:

You matter. You are loved and never alone. Your heart is your proof.

Wanna share a virtual sticky note? Click the fan mail link :)

Keep watching, reading, listening, and weaving - the answers are waiting for you!

With unending love,

Katie

Medium: medium.com/@genofvenus

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Howdy ho, Ranger Joes, and welcome to Popcorn for the Soul, a podcast where normally I decode spirituality and universal guidance in our favorite pop culture. However, for this episode, I'm switching it up a little bit and introducing what I hope to be a new and permanent segment. My name is Still Katie. I am still a student of life and a lover of stories and a cosmic weaver pulling at the threads that connect it all. However, by day, I am also a substitute teacher. If you've listened to other episodes, you may already know that. And if you've listened to other episodes, you may know about my post-it system. So I'm gonna explain that a little bit and explain this new segment to you. When I first started this podcast, my goal was to get out an episode a week, but the more I did it, the more I realized that it actually takes a lot more time. And it takes a lot longer for me to make some of the connections and have these epiphanies or these downloads, as we would call them. So I give myself the two weeks to let everything percolate and perseverate on it all so that I can make sure I'm getting the clearest message, if you will. So I had been looking for what I wanted to do on the gap weeks. I don't just want to leave it hanging, I want there to be something. And I tried to do guests, and the two experiences I had were absolutely fantastic, but behind the scenes it became about money and selling and things that I don't want anything to do with. So this is what I came up with. When I sub, I only sub at my old high school because the way my life is set up right now, I am able to do that and I can choose when I want to work, I can decide when not to. And in all honesty, I could work every day if I wanted because that's how badly teachers are burnt out, and that's how badly the system needs subs, but that's a topic of conversation for another day. So I just want to explain what I do when I go there, why I do it, and why it has now become this. I remember the days that I would see a substitute teacher standing at the doorway or sitting in the classroom as you know, days of excitement. It meant we got a break one way or another. And I remember some of the substitute teachers that were preferred that people were extra excited about. And I decided, along with all of the other perks of the job, I would love to do that. I would love to show these kids at least an hour of making their day a little bit easier. And I also want to be around them and to hear from them because I feel like teenagers are very unseen and very judged right now. And I don't blame them. And I also don't blame adults for getting frustrated with them, but it's just it's a whole thing. So I'm in there and I'm just trying to make life a little bit easier for them if just for a short amount of time and also letting them know that I am a person who is available and willing to talk to them about anything, literally anything that um they want to share with me, whether it's something they're struggling with or something they're really, really excited about. And I just went into this not knowing what to expect, and it's just been such a joy and a pleasure and exciting and eye-opening because these kids really are great, but they also really are struggling, and you know, everybody is, but there's a lot to say about our youth being the future, so I'm just trying to help where I can, and that's how this came about. So, what I do is every classroom I'm in, if it works in a way where I can utilize it properly, I put post-its on every desk, every spot at every table, and I write a poem on the board and I say, hey guys, these are here for you. If there's something you need to get off of your chest, whether it's something you're struggling with, something you wish you could say to someone but can't for whatever reason, something you're really excited about, just write it down and put it in the jar. You know, I believe in journaling and just getting stuff out of your head onto paper in the notes app on your phone, just out there and out of your system so that you can stop running in your anxious circles about it. Even if it is something exciting, you know, we don't want that bottled up. We want to share with people. We can't just have this all turning in our system and giving us all this extra energy, be it you know, high frequency, low frequency. It just needs to get out there. So I give them this chance. And I say I read them at the end of the day. If it's anonymous, that's totally fine. If you sign your name, I'm gonna take it as an invitation to bring it up to you if I happen to run into you later. And you know, I let the universe work that out if I do run into that student at another time. When I decided to do this, I had no idea if it would go over well, if people would roll their eyes at me and I would get nothing in that jar at the end of the day. But from day one, it's just been constant, and every single post-it that I've gotten has just been surprising, but not surprising, right? Just because it's like I know that they have this in them, but for them to actually have a place to utilize it and share it and get it out there, they are not disappointing. Everything has been so profound and so beautiful, no matter where it is on the spectrum of emotions. And the more I've been getting and the more I've heard from them, I'm just like, people need to hear you. People need to know what you have to say, be it teachers, be it parents, be it peers that are literally around you or across the world who you to just help us understand them better and to help understand each other better and know that everything they're going through, they are not alone. So I came up with the idea to make these gap segments where I literally just read these guys' post-its, and I don't know how it's gonna flow. I feel like, you know, every day I read them, I have a thought in my head when I'm reading it, thinking what I would say to them if they were saying this to my face. So maybe it turns into kind of like I after each one I read, I say something, or I just kind of sit in it. I don't know. We're just gonna flow, we're gonna see how it goes. But ultimately, I just want anyone who's listening to this to hear them and to have empathy for them and find some compassion because so much of our issues right now are just surrounding systems that no longer work, and to be in the school system, I just have to say full disclosure, my opinion is it is broken. And I think, you know, I know teachers and I've seen the teachers there and the students, and they all agree. So, you know, what can we do about it? I don't know, but I'm starting here. So thanks for being with me. Thanks for listening, thanks for trying it out and seeing if you know any of this pulls at your heartstrings the way that it has pulled at mine, and let's see if we can do something about it to help these kids. So, firstly, I want to tell you how I introduce myself to them and the atmosphere I guess I create, because a lot of these post-its I'm going to share with you because these kids have said really, really nice things to me about me, encouraging me. And, you know, we think that they're just like angry and rebellious and they don't have anything nice to say, but that's so not true. So I just want to share that stuff because it's important to know that they have the hearts, they are there, so let's stop assuming any less and being so mean to them. I write my full name on the board, Miss Katie Bandy. Hey guys, my name's Katie Bandy. Call me Miss Katie, Miss K, Miss Bandy, Miss B, whatever your preference. I write number one, good vibes and kindness. If you are contributing to either of these, we will get along just fine. Two, I am a huge proponent of mental health. So, can any of you guess what I might not be the biggest fan of? And you know, they'll toss out bullying, suicide, being mean, da-da-da-da-da. Say yes, yes, and yes. Let's think about something specific to the rules of school these days. And ultimately we get to phones. And I say, and not necessarily phone specifically, but social media. Social media. I do think it can be used for good, but I also think it can be extremely toxic. But I also learned very quickly coming in here that asking you guys to stay off of your phones is like asking a fish to breathe air. So, and this of course depends on the day and what the teacher has left as their assignment, say if we can focus up and we can work really hard and get far in this, I would love to give you free time at the end. If you find yourself on your phones, I don't mind. If you find yourself on social media, I have a challenge to you. If you are on there and you are thinking someone is prettier or better looking than you, someone's life is better than yours, someone is doing something that you'll never ever be able to do, you'll never be capable of, someone's life is better than mine. That is what we call a comparison mindset. And I draw the like equal with a line through it next to mental health and right comparison mindset. So, my challenge to you is if you find yourself on said social media and you find yourself in this comparison mindset, which is the biggest thief of joy, move on, scroll on to literally anything else. Something that brings you real joy and doesn't make you question everything about yourself. You are exactly where you are supposed to be, you are exactly who you are supposed to be right now. And then I also write on the board, I am chill, I am an open book, I love learning in life chats. Please tell me about yourselves. I'm out of touch, I want to hear from you, I'll tell you anything about me, and I tell them a little bit about my background, let them know that I graduated from this high school. You know, we got that common ground, just making them feel comfortable with me and like they don't feel like they need to be quiet and you know, extra overly respectful and new authority figure, yada yada yada. That's all that I do. It's nothing excessive. I don't push it if people don't want to, you know, talk to me or share their lives with me or whatever, it's fine. And that's where I mention the post-its and I already said what I say about that. But the reason I'm saying this is to tell you that I sincerely I don't do much. I just let them know that I want their time with me to be a little easier than maybe the rest of the day or the week has been for them. And what do you know? It's not much, but they are so starved to feel seen right now. So I'm doing my best to see them, and I'm doing my best to get them seen. So again, if you're listening, I thank you so, so, so much. So let's dive into the posters, shall we? First things first, I want to read you the poem that I write on the board. It's titled Message in a Bottle. Whatever you are carrying, put it out into the universe. The answers you seek are waiting. However, you must ask first. Hopes and dreams, what you wish to manifest, heed the call, give it your all, offer your best. But life can be hard. So if you're feeling your worst, get it off your chest, off your desk, let it out before you burst. And keep in mind all the while, you must hold tight to this universal truth. You matter, you are loved and never alone. Your heart is your proof. And just as a heads up, some of them do get very, very personal and kind of inappropriate to share in this way without permission. So not all of them are in here. The ones I have chosen are general and not necessarily easily identifiable to down to a single person until later, but we'll talk about that. So I'm just gonna get going. And like I said, I don't know what's gonna come out of me if I say anything or if I don't say anything, but we'll just see. So diving in. This one I remember I got on the very first day, and it was kind of the confirmation that what I was doing was was good, was a good choice. I wish to have peace. Same, my friend. That's what I'm fighting for every single day. Carrying a basketball legacy. Okay, interesting, heard. You're only in tenth grade. Seems like a lot of pressure. Is it something you're excited about? I don't know. Everything is just getting better, and I'm scared it won't stay that way. Yeah, that's a that's a common thing across all people. We've been so conditioned to think that we don't deserve happiness and joy that we need to work so hard and kill ourselves to make good things happen. So when they do start to happen, we get scared that they're gonna be taken away from us, that all we are ever supposed to feel is grief and heartbreak and sadness, and it's just so not true. But because everybody believes that way, the things do get taken away because it's that energy, it's that frequency we're putting out into the world, right? I'm scared of what people think about me. Honey, we all are. Friend group drama. Always. I hope you have a good first day being a sub. So sweet. Thank you. I feel I'm a burden to my boyfriend. Mostly, I feel I hold him back more than I help him. I feel I'm really not a good friend, but I don't know on what to fix. That level of self-awareness is a superpower. And I don't ever want to say, you know, you are holding someone back. You are the you are in the wrong, you are the bad guy. But if you are recognizing that there is something there where someone's not reaching their full potential because of the way your relationship is or the attention you're asking for on the day-to-day, or things like that, it is something to genuinely be considered because that happens in relationships, right? We think that the other person is the most important thing in the whole world, and we kind of give up our own lives and our own interests and desires, and that leads to you know, the idea of like suffocation or feeling stifled, and then it becomes about resentment and anger, and then you break up in a bad way, and it's yeah, so I get it. And if you feel like you're not a good friend, talk to your friends, ask if that if they feel that way, and you know, do it from a place where you're asking genuinely. Say, I genuinely want to know, you won't hurt my feelings, maybe it will, but you know, how else are we gonna improve and get better without that constructive criticism and knowing what we are actually bringing to the table and how we are actually making other people feel? So it's just a conversation to have. And if your friends aren't willing to have that conversation with you, they're not your friends. And what do we do with that? We move on, simple as that. Uh, a group of girls, I was not their actual substitute. I was substituting for the co-teacher in the room, which is this thing that they're doing these days. I don't know where a teacher who's there and kind of does like resource room or works with kids who have IEPs, they're just kind of like this separate classroom where half the kids can go down there if they can't all handle being in the same room or whatever. But that teacher sits in the room and is just kind of an extra resource to help the kids during class and during their projects and during their assignments and yada yada yada. So I was not substituting for the actual teacher, I was substituting for the co-teacher, which meant I was sitting at a desk in the corner and did literally nothing, but I still had my jar, of course, especially because these kids um I had already substituted for them twice, so they knew me. So a group of girls all wrote post-its just, you know, saying we love you and we heart you, have a good day. So that was just very sweet. Thank you, ladies. I appreciate it. I dislike my coworker. Fair enough. You know how many people can relate to that? Almost every single person. I feel I'm struggling to be happy. It feels no matter what, I'm not enjoying it. I feel I'm a constant burden. I'm living in a world where I'm questioning everything. I often feel I'm a problem and no one wants to be around me. Ouch. That one hurts because it is sad. But also, so many people can relate. These are the things that people don't talk about. They aren't willing to admit out loud, they aren't willing to say. But it is hard to be happy. It's hard to feel joy if you feel like people don't like you, if you feel like you're not loved, if you feel like you're not seen, if you're around people who nitpick everything you say and put you down, and you know, questioning everything is good. It's scary and it's confusing, and you might feel alone about it. But if you listen to any of my other episodes, all I can say is keep questioning, keep asking what, keep asking who, keep asking why, because that's how you get to the answers that matter, and that is such an inward individual process, and once you start to do that and you start to trust yourself in that, you then find who you really are, and you find that confidence, and what you're putting out there is your truth, and it is joyful because once you find the truth, that's where you find the happiness. We tend to slip into the darkness, the sadness, the heartbreak, and the struggle because we're lying in a sense, or we're living for other people and not being ourselves, and to live at that frequency and put that out does weigh on other people. It's weighing on you, and it's just what you're giving out there. You're not a problem, and it's not that no one wants to be around you, but if you're if you're in the state of mind that no one wants to be around you, that is the energy you are offering up, and that's gonna reflect back to you. So if you think they don't want to be around me, they're gonna think I don't want to be around you. Does that make sense? So you just gotta start choosing yourself, and you gotta start feeling yes, people do want to be around me because they're latching on to what you think about yourself. It's not easy, but it's really as simple as that. Sometimes I feel left out and ignored. Again, something we all can relate to, and just so you know, that's never a reflection on you. Everyone else is so caught up in themselves, and that's just that's just a real truth. Um until people choose to start living for others in a way that is from a place of love to make other people feel seen and heard, they're just they're in it for themselves. Every decision is selfish, every remark is selfish, every every person they put their focus on and their energy into is for selfish reasons. So, you know, we always say don't take it personally, but you gotta understand why it's not personal. Love this one. Everything happens for a reason. I 100% agree. Thank you. You know, sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough, even for my mother, but I hope you have a really good day. And sometimes I struggle, but I don't want people to think I'm dramatic, and I struggle with a lot of confidence. First of all, I just want to say this is a sad one, right? This is heartbreaking, but this kid still managed to slip in. I hope you have a really good day. So it's like you know, there's light and dark in both of us, and and people are still so sweet, even when they're struggling with their own stuff. And I get the not wanting to be seen as dramatic when I Had a really big struggle with um suicidal ideation and my own issues. A person who was not my family member but deemed themselves as my family member because of how we treat relationships and societal expectations. And he's a narcissist. You know, all the different people in my life were trying to talk to me and give their advice and their opinion on it. And his thing to say to me was, okay, now, Katie, I think we can all agree that you're a bit of a drama queen, okay. Dot dot dot. That was well over a decade ago, and I have never, never forgot that. Because how dare you say something like that to someone who is in a bad place? You're not dramatic, you're a feeler. You feel things, and that's a superpower. Because what's happening in this world right now is people are choosing not to feel, they're choosing to forget and move on from the things that are scary, that are hurtful, that make them feel grief, and that's cowardice. So be you, feel what you're feeling, talk to somebody about it, and know that that's bravery. That's not dramatic, that's being truthful. Where you're hurting yourself more is keeping it quiet. Because one, you're not the only one struggling with it. If other people know that there's someone that they can relate to on that level, it's again the same concept of we're not alone, you're not alone, we're here, we can help each other. And it doesn't take confidence to do that. Courage and bravery is feeling the fear, but doing it anyway. And the more you do that, the more confidence you will gain. You are more than good enough. You shared something difficult with me and you still told me that you have hope, that I have a really good day. That's love. That's what we need in this world. Hold on to that and keep pushing through. Every day you choose to keep going is a day that you win. Don't stop. I want these episodes to be around 30 minutes, just as quick hits, and I'm realizing how quickly I got there. So I just want to end my kind of generalized post-its with this one again, because like I said, I don't do much when I go in there. I'm just myself, and I just tell these kids they can talk to me if they want. So we'll end on this post-it for this section. You are truly amazing. We need more teachers like you. Thank you. I wish that you didn't have to ask for that, but teachers are struggling and burnout too, and that is a conversation we will be having in the School of Rock episode. So hang in there for that. Alright, so this next segment is where after I decided I wanted to share these post-its, I wanted to tell these kids that I was interested in doing that. So I was gonna be with the same class for three days in a row because that teacher had requested me specifically. And I'm like, all right, gotta give another little speech here, Katie. So this is what I said. Listen, guys, before we kick off these three days together, I'm gonna get real real with you for a second. I don't need to be here. I don't need this job. My situation is pretty cush where I could be a stay-at-home mom and not work the rest of my life. But one, I get bored. Two, we all could use a little extra money. And three, I want to actively contribute to paying off my student loans. Why am I telling you guys this? Firstly, because I want to warn you about student loans. I'm more than a decade out of college and I am still literally paying for a degree that I no longer use. My best friend is a teacher with her master's degree and is $72,000 in student loan debt. It might not sound like a problem right now, but I promise one day it will be. So I just want you to keep that in mind when you're making decisions about your life, yeah? And also, I'm telling you this because here's the thing. When I sub, I do not go to the elementary schools, I do not go to the junior high, I only come here. I don't vibe with those age groups. I vibe with you guys. I think you're really cool. And I think that as teenagers, as a cohort, you have the most expectations on you while also dealing with the most amount of judgment and the least amount of actual support. Every single day that I've been here has done nothing but validate the truth of that. I've been able to utilize my jar properly, maybe six of the days that I've subbed, and I have received well over 150 post-its that have also done nothing but validate that truth across the spectrum from the uplifting, positive, nice things down to the dark, heavy, heartbreaking things that you are struggling with. Every single post-it I have received has been so profound and so beautiful. I feel like you guys have a lot to say, and I feel like no one is listening. So, everything is the same. However, I have a podcast. I put out an episode about every two weeks because that's how long it takes me to write one up. And I've been thinking, what do I want to do for these gap episodes? And I decided I would just love to read your guys' post-its. I want people to hear what you have to say. So, and I point to another list that I write on the board. Of course, they have to be appropriate. They will remain anonymous. You are minors, I cannot share your names. They will be generalized. So feel free if you're telling me your story, give me as many specifics as you want. But if it's something that could help people identify or pinpoint exactly who you are, I'm going to generalize it because I'm not trying to start a gossip train. I'm not trying to start drama in the school. I just want your guys' words to be heard. Hashtag no ego. I don't want you to be like, oh, what can I write that I get to say on a podcast? I still just want what's in your heart, what's on your mind, because that's what needs to be heard. And if you're, you know, one of the ones that are giving me these really cool drawings or origami, I would love to be able to share pictures of those on my Instagram. And I just leave it at that and we go about. And what do you know? Immediately I got a bunch of post-its, and almost all of them had the symbol of approval because I put a symbol on the board and say, if you're willing for me to share, this is my permission slip. So I got several of those, and I am just gonna share a couple with you right now so that we can, you know, kick this all off again because this is just the first episode, and school is almost out, so I have to have enough for to get through the summer. So let's go ahead. These are the post-its that I was given express permission to share on here. I think that parents put a lot of pressure on kids and don't fully understand what it is like to be a teenager at this time in the world. It is hard and they never understand. Heard. You already know I agree with that. And again, we'll be talking about this in the School of Rock episode. I got broken up with and have been heartbroken. I finally had the courage to cut all contact with him, and I've never been happier. No contact is the best contact. Hashtag put yourself first. Absolutely obsessed with this. How mature and beautiful. And the moment I read this post-it, my friend had just sent me a text about, you know, something that she's dealing with, where long story short, this was perfectly applicable. And I took a picture of it and shared it with her. And it was just funny how spot on and perfect the timing was, but also not funny because that's how the universe works, right? Next. I'm so done with school. I don't think I've ever been more burnt and stressed out than I've been recently. I've been getting super frustrated easily, and even if I have practically nothing to do, I feel overwhelmed. People are so rude and have no empathy. Loving people is so hard. I wish it came easier to me, like how God loves me. Forgiving is also hard when the memory keeps repeating in your head. Yes, yes, yes, 100%. I talk about forgiveness a lot in my episodes. Forgiveness isn't about them, it's about you. If it's a memory you can't let go of, if it's something that you it and forgiveness isn't about letting them continue to walk all over you, right? So if it's something where they continue to hurt you and they don't own up to said memory, what you do is you forgive it from a place of understanding human nature and understanding their perspective and maybe why they did what they did or said what they said. But it's not about continuing to let them walk over you. So if it's something that can't be forgiven in the sense of you can't forget the hurt and how it has affected your relationship, you forgive the situation enough for yourself to let it go, but you walk away from them. You do not need to give them you anymore. That's just how it works. Um, holding on to these memories and holding on to this pain and holding on to these relationships is what feeds that sense of overwhelm. It feeds feeling burnt out and stressed out because you're giving so, so, so much energy to this situation, this relationship that is just sucking it from you because it is energized by hurt and resentment. So, you know, it's up to you what that all means to you and how you go forward with it, but it's the truth. Okay, last one, and let me just preface this one by saying I know who wrote it because you know, sometimes I see the post-its go in or I see them writing them at their desk and I recognize the handwriting, whatever. This person used two post-its, and then they later, and I don't read the post-its until after I leave school at the end of the day, but they gave a post-it and then they asked me to sign their yearbook, and I did, and it was a young woman who I don't who I've had in a couple classes, but I've never really talked one-on-one with her or anything. So I'm a wordy, I'm a wordy person. The fact that I even got I've had a couple students ask me to sign their yearbook, and that was just so special because I was like, guys, I never thought I would sign a yearbook ever again in my life. Like, this is so sweet. So I was just looking at her and I'm like, what can I say? What can I say? What have I seen about her? Yada yada yada. And I don't remember all of it, but what I do remember is at that time seeing her smile. I was just like, wow, what a beautiful smile. What exuberance this young girl carries around with her. So when I signed, I thanked her for that. I said, thank you for sharing your smile with the world. And again, that's all I remember saying. But anyway, came home and this is the post-it I had gotten from her. People say I'm too loud a lot of the time, but when I get loud, that just means I'm happy. Sometimes I may laugh loudly, but that just means I'm comfortable. I've started to quiet down around most people, but I don't like to be quiet. That's not who I am. Also, there's this girl in my class, and I thought that she was nice until this year. I made it into blank this year, and now all she does is get mad at me. There was this one time where I asked her how to do something, and I was looking in my book, which has all my notes in it, and she ripped it out of my hands and yelled at me because I didn't know this thing I've never learned. I wanted to cry because I thought she liked me, and today I found out that she talks about me behind my back, saying I don't know anything, especially my blank, but I never actually learned them. So I just wish that I could do better for her so I can make her happy and so I don't have to mess up as much and her get mad at me for messing up. I wanted to quit, but when she found out I didn't, her face went back to like on RBF. I genuinely think that she wanted me to quit. Also, there's this group of girls in my class. They all talked to me when I was in blank last year, but now they all ignore me, and when I try talking to them, I just get made fun of. I don't know what I did, but I wish I could fix it. I really only feel genuine happiness when I'm with my boyfriend. He makes me feel seen and heard, and he takes care of me when I don't feel like taking care of myself. So much to unpack here, right? First of all, the too loud, the laughing loudly, the being happy. Yes, 100%. Um there's just this thing in the world that when you are at a higher frequency, when you're in that place of happiness, you're in that light, it exposes other people's shadows. You're lighting up in them the darkness. I don't like the phrase, they're just jealous. They're just jealous because I think that's unproductive, and I think that, you know, puts blame on the other people instead of trying to look at it from a place of compassion and respect and mutual understanding. And I remember learning from Tony Robbins, one of the stories he would tell is, you know, when you go out on the street or you're just going about your day and you ask someone how they are, oh, you know, I'm fine, or oh, I'm really crappy, da-da-da-da. That's normal. People accept that, whatever. But if you're like, oh my gosh, I'm amazing today, I'm feeling so good, and you're like jumping around and you're upbeat and stuff, people think you're crazy because that's the world we live in. It's so much more comfortable and safe to dim ourselves, to be quiet, to not make other people feel uncomfortable, but it's just not working anymore. It's just not working anymore. So keep smiling, keep shining. You can always count on me. Song from Bridesmaids. Um, but anyway, so there's that. And this thing with this girl, again, I don't want it to be uh oh, they're just jealous, but from what it sounds like, it sounds like you did something that people were hoping you would fail at for whatever reason, because you know, young girls are catty and I don't know. I don't know the situation, I don't know their side. I'm not gonna try to speculate and judge it. But all I can say is you do not, you do not need to do better for her to make her happy. You're not messing up, you're learning and you're living, and if she's getting mad at you for that, girlfriend, she ain't your friend. She's someone who, for whatever reason, wants the worst for you right now, and you just gotta get out of that. Don't do it for her, do it for you. If this class, this hobby, this thing that you're learning is something that you enjoy that you're passionate about, you go for it as hard as you can for yourself, not for her. And as far as the rest of the girls, I don't know what you did either. Did you do something? Did you not? I don't know. Ask them. It's just these are the conversations that we need to have, but we're all too scared to have. Ask them, communicate, and if they are your real friends, they will tell you and you will be able to talk about it and work it out. If they're not, they're gonna continue to make fun of you, and they're gonna continue to make you question yourself, and all that is is toxic, and you just need to get out of there, as simple as that, and you can't find the right people until you get rid of the wrong ones. So, and as far as your boyfriend, I love that for you. I'm glad that you feel seen and heard, and you know, sometimes we can't take care of ourselves. So if you have someone who encourages you to do so, even when you're in your low spot, that's that's something really special. So I'm happy for you. And just because this kind of encompasses a few of the post-its here, I'm going to share another poem that I wrote because I always had the same issue where my happiness, my light, and my hope for change in the world was too much for people, and it got to the point where I was just again done dimming myself because other people wanted me to. So I'm gonna read this to you, and if you're someone who needs to hear it, I hope that it can help. So this one is called When Love is your wheelhouse. They say you're too much and you believe it to be true. But the truth is that they're out of touch. They cannot handle you. You give and you give and get breadcrumbs in return. You choose to live, they choose to run. You cannot drown or suffocate someone who's not breathing. You cannot embrace or relate to someone only ever leaving. Your bad habit is always choosing those with one foot out the door. That game is one of losing. Recognize the metaphor. To love is to show it, not just say the words. To care is to mean it, not just wanting to be heard. Peace comes from within when your love is unconditional. Giving is the win, whether or not it is reciprocal. This isn't to say love until you're drained. You must first find the way where to give is to gain. Fill your cup first to a state of overflow until you want to burst, till you can only let it show. That's when you'll see the magic, when you'll start to understand that walls are what's really tragic. And you have the upper hand. You cannot know your limits without giving your whole heart. You must be fully in it to recognize your fair part. Yes, you'll lose a lot, but you'll gather so much more. Quantity lends to rot. Quality opens doors. Love is not leaking. You can feel the difference. Real love is healing, a deep act of self-deference. At first, it won't feel fair, but give your all with every interaction. Be present when they're there, but don't need to make it happen. It will be returned or it won't. But that's not on you. What you do or don't is let it get to you. I don't know about you, but I know this about me. The days I let my light shine through are the nights I sleep happy. I can't stand to be steely. I'm proud to be emotional. I love to give love freely. That's what makes it unconditional. You're in the training grounds, learning to rise above it all. One day you will be found. They will answer the call. The love you desire, put it out there now. Let the universe conspire. Let go of the how. You've got the power. You're holding the mic. What's the old saying? Like calls to like. Have faith in your ripples. Surrender to patience. You're not the one crippled. Own your radiance. For it's the beacon. You are the lighthouse. Calling the real ones home. When love is your real house, you are never truly alone. That's it for this episode, y'all. You see the gold I'm working with, it's not even me. It's these teens, these ninth, tenth, eleventh, and twelfth graders who we disrespect. As simple as that. So again, I'm coming into the summer months here. I'm not gonna have access to my jar. So if anyone is interested in sending me a post-it virtually, go ahead in my show notes and click on the fan mail link. And you know, I would just love to keep doing this in whatever whatever form it takes. So thanks for hanging out, thanks for listening. Keep smiling, keep shining, everyone's got something to say. And it's time people start listening.