Erica and Heather Talk F Scott Fitzgerald and Relationship Dynamics

Erica and Heather talk about relationships, red flags, equality, and boundaries. Oh, with a bit of talk about F Scott Fitzgerald thrown in.

Supplies needed: None.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Hello, and welcome to Borrow Some Besties. I am your co-host Heather, and I am joined.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Eric, um This is a coffee, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

So this is a podcast that is designed to help reduce loneliness. This is not meant to be clinical advice. It's not meant to be for educational purposes. This is not therapeutic. Um we are therapists, but we are not your therapists. Okay. So Erica and I were discussing what we could possibly do today. And she suggested a book and was very passionate about it. And I asked her to save her feedback about the book until we started rolling. So Erica, the floor is yours.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Okay. So throughout human history, a lot of women's stuff has gotten stolen by men, mainly their husbands.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

And F.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Scott Fitzgerald it's looking right at me. He wrote The Great Gatsby, and it's known as one of the great American novels. And it was his wife, she wrote it all. Okay. And he levied claims against her mental health.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

And then he spent all of their money.

unknown 1:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

And he still gets the bylines. Like her, I can't think of her name right now. It was it starts with a Z. It's something like Zephyr or something. Like it's something. But the whole shebang really just pusses me off. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 2:10

I have not ever read the book.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Or how did you make it out of high school? What? I don't know. I was like on the reading list, bruh. Like Kansas, what y'all doing? Y'all look at this fine, literate woman without it. What? There's a light. Okay, so like here's here's the synopsis. There's a story going on pre-crash, before the big crash of the stock market. Yes. And so there's, you know, there's layers here. There's the story, which is a love story. Gatsby is a man who falls in love with Daisy, but he comes from no stock. And Daisy is. So he goes off to World War One, and nobody really knows his story, but he shows back up and he's like a gazillionaire. And he now goes by Jay Gatsby. And he builds an elaborate home and has elaborate parties every weekend, but never engages with them. He looks down upon them from his perch because he's waiting for Daisy to show up.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

Daisy shows up at one of the parties. She's engaged.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

She's actually married. She has a child with them.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

And so they try to keep it all on the down low, and he's just like, just leave them, just leave them. And she's like, I can't.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Are they together?

SPEAKER_00 4:06

They want to be.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

They have they have rendezvous. Okay. They have cover stories of why they need to be around each other.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

But it's all being told from the storyline of this neighbor who gets invited and looped in, and he's part of their cover story. So it's like being written from this third-party vantage point. And he wants to get to the bottom of who Gatsby is. Now, the greater underpinnings here speak to this conspicuous consumption. When you think about it like as a political piece, and it definitely is, it was calling out people who were disgusting enough to build something like that and live such a lavish lifestyle. And he was absolutely fucking miserable. But that was love. And just buying shit to buy shit. Like he would have all these parties, and if Daisy didn't come, like they would go through like all of your details of like throwing away like lobster and caviar and oh my gosh. Yes. Okay. Yes. So there's that. There's that. There's your English professor. Hey girl. Hey.

unknown 5:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Now, was this book fiction or non-fiction? And did that impact the way you saw it?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

It was forced upon me. It's fiction. It's American fiction. It's unique because American fiction is such a relatively young subset of literature. Um, but no, I in school as a student wearing that hat, not the person who would pick a book, but who was participating in the requisite, I could read any of that shit and I could dive right into it. That was no problem.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

I just don't prefer it. Yeah.

unknown 6:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

No, I took a lot of literature classes.

SPEAKER_00 6:24

Okay. I love it. I took a fantasy lit course. All we did was like Tolkien. Uh-huh. Oh, very nice. Yeah, I was like learning Elven, because I don't know if you know this, but I have a pointy ear. Oh. Okay. One of our colleagues once asked me if I had fetal alcohol syndrome. Which colleague was that?

SPEAKER_01 6:51

Uh tell me off camera. Tell me off camera. Oh, or text it to people. So. But that is not crazy that people feel like it's appropriate to ask those questions.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

I also do, I mean, and she was like her eyes. And I'm like, yeah, okay, like she probably was. And like we're here. Like, it wasn't like I was gonna like, are you? Yeah. I'll let you go with that if that's your story. But I've got fetal alcohol and I'm keeping up.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

What you doing? Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. So drink and be pregnant kids.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Okay, so in thinking about low-cost or free activities that we could do without.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Oh, really quick before I can move on. Her name was Zelda, and she was an artist, and she was a quintessential flapper. She was an alcoholic, and then later on, she said they said that she had mental health issue and that she struggled with schizophrenia. And she died in a hospital, and he laughed all the way to the bank. And that's why we don't allow our husbands to come at us anymore. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

It just know if my husband ever publishes a fucking book. No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

I was lost for a minute. I was like, where he tells your six minutes maybe. I know, I no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Like just the actual, like, no, he didn't.

SPEAKER_01 8:44

No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

No, he didn't.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

That's what you need to know about that. I think the last book that he read was like The Pokey Little Puppy.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Me too. So cheap, cheap things that you can you can talk you can you can talk shit about people sometimes, and that makes you feel a little bit better. Yeah. You know, when like they're like venting doesn't help. Bullshit. Like I'm a verbal processor. And so I just will be out here talking to myself for free. Because sometimes you need expert input. But no, like I will be in deep conversation and problem-solving mode, all here, but all out here. Yep. All the time.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Yep. I am with you. Also a verbal processor. Um, I don't talk when it's just me most of the time. I did grow up talking back to the TV. Like, I just, if it was on and they were talking, I talked back. I don't know. I thought it was hilarious. I really did. I don't know when that stopped. I know it continued through high school. So, like, you know, a game show would come on and they'd be like, Are you ready? And I'd be like, Yeah. My parents are like, Who are you talking to? There's nobody here. It's like the TV.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

No, I totally relate. And I saw it illustrated throughout my life. My mom was like into like unsolved mysteries, and she'd be like yelling at the TV, like, don't go in there, bitch. And I'd be like, That's right. And then my dad, you know, would be like the armchair coach, you know, and the Saints would be on it. He'd be like, Fuck you, motherfucker. You know, and I'm like, so of course, like when they're like, Are you ready? I'm like, Yes, Bob Barker, I am. And I have spayed and neutered. Yes, thank you. Come on down. Let's go. Yeah, I'm with you.

unknown 11:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

No, I do talk to myself by myself. And my grandma, my mom's mom did it. And the older I get, the more not only do I look like the woman, but I talk like her, I sound like her, and I am slowly becoming my mama. Like, like I put up, I put up my Moo Moo to come on today. Um, but she would we would hear her in the kitchen, and she would be talking like just like me and you, but to self and then be laughing her ass off, like like cackling, right? And you can't go in here. Um that's what I'm saying is and so no, I do it all the time. Like, like before work, I have to pet myself up, and we won't we won't go with the B side, but the A side is like you are going to slay so much trauma today, like you're gonna give these people an amazing experience, you're gonna rock it, and like this this will be happening, and my kids will hear it and be like, that's my mom, and um, but then yeah, there's a B side to that, and we won't go there. That's for advanced operators. You can't go to the B side for that. Um, but I don't um I don't know how people sit with all of that silently. I'm sure some people would appreciate if I would.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

That's absolutely true. Yeah. I'm assuming I am not one of those people. So I think it's just interesting. Um I don't know, just there are a lot of people in our profession that are verbal processors. So I think at some point it'd be interesting if we put out like a questionnaire or something.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

Just process.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

I think a lot of people honestly don't know. I mean, obviously, we're at a little bit of a different advantage because we spend so much time working on the art and the science of communication and trying uh ever so hard to get it, and we're never gonna get it. Until like I can touch you, or until like I can like see or hear something, there's there's no language, there's always a gap and perception. But yeah, I think that some people really don't know. I've asked people before, like, what kind of learner were you? What kind of learner are you? And I was I am shocked and amazed at how many people don't actually know their learning style. They're like, it just happens, and I'm like, mm.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Did you play football in high school or college? Is that why it just happens?

SPEAKER_00 14:03

I I did play powder puff football in high school, and I I we got stories there anytime. Um that's a free fun activity, but just don't get in any fights, kids.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

Two turn leaders went up, man.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

Any offense to football players. I really don't.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

No, no, don't just for the record, my least favorite way of learning is hands-on.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

Interesting. It makes sense knowing you, like I do, like, but that is one of my favorites.

SPEAKER_02 14:47

It's hard for me to fathom that somebody else might not like it.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

Like when they would be like, it's lab day, like my brain would be like, like doing stuff with these and doing stuff with other humans, and like both of those things together, I'm like, I'm sick, I can't do this. Like, I could imagine that lab step by step perfectly fine.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

I was always like, who is my partner going to be? Because I am going to want to talk out loud to myself and to my lab partner the entire activity. So it should be somebody I'm comfortable with. And then I was like the stereotypical, like, way too excited for this person because I loved it. I'm like, I can get up and I can talk. That was me.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

I would like if they were counting off partners, I would immediately start doing the count ahead and I'd be like, motherfucker. And this is how my group situations went. All right, so since we all have to be hurt, y'all listen to me. I'm taking control. Y'all do what I say, y'all get an A. And my high school was small enough, and I had a reputation enough to back that up that everybody was like, Yes, do whatever, do whatever she says and comply, and we'll all enjoy the ride. And when I went to college, this continued on, and some people would fight back, and I would be like, Don't do that. Like, don't, don't do that. I'll kick you on the yeah, no. I it's I don't like working with people. Shocked.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

So I feel like my school was kind of ahead of the times. Oh, uh so it was in junior high. I don't remember which grade, but I remember like the classroom, and we had a brilliant mathematician, scientist, like smartest guy ever. Okay. And he ran all of that. And he also taught us the how to work with computers, and so in junior high, um, this would have been mid to late 90s. One of the things that we had to do was learn how to take the tower of a computer, a bunker, remove all of the things inside, spread them out, and then put them all back blindfolded. That was our final.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

I would have I would have died. It was awesome. That would have been the reason why I failed out of high school and became barefoot and pregnant.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

Well, that's a free activity, but some people call that tweaking activity. And um uh we don't endorse that. They also never get that show put back together. I just want to throw that on there. Like never seeing a meth project go well. Also, yet to find anybody's actually find anything recording-wise, you know. Just want to throw that out there.

SPEAKER_02 18:53

Okay. Well, with the rest of our time, what shall we do today?

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Should we ask Aristotle to give us like three questions?

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Old Airie, give it to me straight.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

Listen, chatterbox. If anybody has any suggestions for any activities they'd like to see, please put it in the comments. Um yeah, so we can see it and plan accordingly. I was also um loving the Pez Outlaw documentary, and I watched it last night. Like I just turned it on, and my partner was like, ah, is this another one of your documentaries? And I totally blame you for that, by the way, because I wouldn't have watched documentaries that were not of the true crime before we started this project. Um, and now I can't stop watching them. But I thought we should do that at some point because I could probably watch that a billion times and enjoy it every single time.

SPEAKER_00 20:12

Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, I mean, that's a great one. And yeah, you talk about armchair verbal processing, like the whole time I'm diagnosing, like when he's holding his sweet little tissue. I'm like, oh you're regulating. Oh, like I know how good that he knows those things. And his wife is a saint. And girl, they are frisky. Okay, she is wild about that little gnome. I know like a little little gnome, and she's Juliet.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

Except, yeah, they don't start with the emotional side of things. But also you could argue that there are no teenagers. Like that's a dying breed, teenagers that start with the emotional side of things.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

We can screw that, but here's a question, you pez outlaw lover. Yes. If I ever catch you in a third world post-Russian country, I'm on no. If you got a damn backpack, what's up? Uh-huh. What's a red flag everyone seems to ignore? Oh, okay. Red flag for what? Anything. What's a red flag that everybody ignores?

SPEAKER_01 21:52

If I set a boundary, or if I communicate a boundary because it's already set. And then somebody pushes up against it and I communicate it again and they disregard what I'm saying or how I'm telling them not to do that. So if somebody is disregarding a limit that you set that is a healthy, appropriate, rational limit, that's a red flag because if they're not willing to listen to, hey, I don't want to talk about this, or if they're not willing to listen to, I don't feel like being tickled right now, right? Like the rest of everything is moot.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

That's a good point. For you.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

I think I have definitely one big one, maybe a maybe another little side one, but a big one for me is if somebody has zero enemies, there's nobody in the lineup whoever has shit to say.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

So let me push back. I am not aware of enemies that I have.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

It doesn't mean outright enemies in a rigid sense, like they're gonna snipe you out, like they would just like randomly go on some kind of hate escapade. But the concept, there is a person that everybody agrees on that is an all-star stellar person. Not one person has a negative story to tell about them. They are always the villa, they are always the victor. They have never pissed anybody off in their decision making, their boundaries, whatever, they are always people pleasing. Red flag. Either that person is a shape-shifting, I will be whoever you need me to do, and is people pleasing, which sounds like it can be like a really nice thing, but it's actually highly manipulative behavior.

SPEAKER_02 24:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

It's a way to control people's outcomes to be pleasing all the time. It's a way to ensure the outcome every time. Because why the hell would I always be the good guy?

SPEAKER_01 24:36

Now, see I logically know somewhere I am the villain. Somewhere there is at least one person, possibly a group of people, who see me in that way and never told me, never communicated it. My emotions say, but if anyone has ever come to me with a problem, we have been able to talk about it and communicate about it. And so I don't believe I have people out there that outright hate me. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 25:12

I don't, yeah, it does. And it never really enters into my equation because again, if you've decided I'm the bad guy, why do I care? What does that have to do with me?

SPEAKER_01 25:22

That's true. But if somebody comes to me and says, I have an issue with this, it doesn't matter what the relationship is. It doesn't matter if it's a client or if it's a family member. If somebody comes to me and they're like, I have an issue with this, I say, thank you for feeling our relationship is strong enough to bring this up. Let's talk about it. Because here are some reasons I made those decisions. And I may not have the information that you have. So let's talk about it. Right.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

It depends on it depends, it depends on the the relationship and whether or not I feel like it's uh a worthy investment of my time. Um if somebody misrepresents me that deeply, well, then they probably didn't know me that much to begin with. Or if somebody put a situation into play and they do know me, and then they want to pretend like they're surprised by how I respond, like that's silliness. Um, I think here's another red flag that I will say. If they've got a whole shit ton of friends, and I mean a shit ton of friends, it's always a red flag for me. Because again, like if it's it's fine to be well liked, and I understand people are charismatic, and I understand people are thoughtful, and I understand that they're very genuinely kind people, and there should at least be again two or three solid pieces of people that don't like you. Like if a predator doesn't like me, I'm so okay with that. Yeah. Um, and the concept of having a bunch of friends to me means I'm either having to play a lot of different parts, and it would probably be awkward if all of those different friendships showed up at the same place at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

Yep.

unknown 27:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 27:29

And I have to, like me personally, like it's one of like just the core roots of self. More than to be understood or even connected brings authenticity. If I can't be my whole self, I don't really I don't really care for whatever comes next. Like it's like a it's like French. Yeah. Um and so like I will start there. Like if if the core is not there, we're not gonna have to worry about the rest.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

You'll just be a villager in the Minecraft game, you know, like I'm Steve building and fighting the zombies. And like if you're just one of those people, like you're just a villager. I'm not gonna bother you. I don't have hate for you.

SPEAKER_02 28:24

You're I'm just not gonna be a part of it. No. What's next, Aristotle? What's next, Aristotle? If money did not matter for one year, what would you do? No.

SPEAKER_01 28:55

My house, although it is quite lovely, is old and falling apart, and I am in the place in my relationship with the house, and like I don't think I want to spend any more money fixing you ever. Um, so I would move. I don't know where to, but I would definitely get a house that I liked more and made more sense to me.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

Um, I would also like cabinets that you don't have to like get up on a ladder for. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 29:34

I think that people don't understand how hard it is to be short.

SPEAKER_00 29:40

And I'm even taller than you, bruh.

SPEAKER_01 29:43

I know. I can only imagine the struggle bus. I cannot get the laundry at the bottom of the laundry machine, the washing machine. So I have to have a stool that I stand on and reach in. She's a nut, she's a little nuggy. She's a little nuggy. Um and my daughter started using a stool in the kitchen to get up in the cabinets, and I was like, what a great idea. Now I can just we just climbed. We just climbed.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Like I climbed as recently as like two weeks ago. I look the climb up is fine. The climb down is where I'm like, what? When did that get so far down?

SPEAKER_01 30:30

What? I will try to jump, jump and knock it off. If anyone doctors hear that, they're going to. I know. Thank you, Mr. Wonderful Surgeon, for um doing two ankle surgeries for me last year. I appreciate it. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Take care, Boo Boo. So you would you would buy a new place, and what would you do in your new place?

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Well, before we moved in, I would fill it full of like the little balls, right? That are in those ball pits. And I would do all of like the things that I've wanted to do in a house, but is impractical to do in a house. So I would do all that first, and then people would come and clean it so I wouldn't have to do any of it. That would be amazing. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 31:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Because money. Exactly. And then we would do the moving. Um and then I would see my friends all the time. I would sit and talk to people all day. Like, I don't really think my life would change that much. I wouldn't do paperwork though.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Or I would do it the way I want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 31:56

Just like did it, did a great job, loved it. Five stars come again. This was the most hopeful session they've ever been in.

unknown 32:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

I feel the same way. If money wasn't an option for a year, I would I would definitely I would get on out of here. And I think I think I would go the travel route. I don't think that I would necessarily just like settle down and buy a house. I think like we just hit all kinds of houses, like the Airbnb tour of my dreams, like the dream, dream, dream, dream houses that like they they rent to make like corn, you know, like $10,000 a night sweets and shit like that. Turks and Caicos with my own private beach and bungalow. Like I would not do craze stuff. Like I would not like buy diamonds, I would not buy purses, you know, but I would want to go and live and do, like you said, like everything, but like in a very outward big way. Like I've always wanted to go to Iceland. I've always wanted to go to very many places, but I also, okay, I know it's such a shocker, but while I am as equally ghetto and competent with like balling on a budget, there is a side of me that has real taste. And like I have the capacity to go full on into any art store, any furniture store, and blindly pick out the most expensive piece. My husband is like, I have never seen anybody literally be able to hone in on the most expensive piece blindly. And I'm like, It's a gift. And in another realm, I I assure you, yeah, we were doing big stuff. So I would do that, and I think I would write. I've always said to myself, if I had a year of freedom without the pressure of performing responsibilities for money, if I had the ability to just freely write, not on command, but because I had the time and the space to do it finally, like then I think that I would just, I would, I would want to write and make a piece, make finish the pie the piece.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Yeah. And I also think I would just snuggle with my family every day.

SPEAKER_00 34:28

I'm in a different parenting stage. So we are learning to all exist together while exploring and nurturing our own goals and things. But I have a nearly a 17-year-old. And now he can drive if he decides that he doesn't want to go someplace. And I have an emerging preteen who is uh 11 going on 45. And so we're we're all learning this part. It was very different. You still have littles, and I miss that. I miss that terribly. I'm learning this new parenting stage, but as is, I I think I would just be like, hey, here's y'all some manies. Y'all be safe. And do like a 90 summer like our parents did us, and just be like, be home in the lots, come on. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

All right, one more for the road. One more. One more.

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Okay, what does this mean? I see this all the time, but I don't know what it means. It says, What's your Roman Empire? What does Roman Empire mean? I know what the Roman Empire is. It's 2,000 years civilization.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Does it mean like the thing you want to build by I don't know what that means. Let's get that.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Let's if anybody knows what what that is, tell me because I don't get it. I even when I watched the videos, they were like, my Roman Empire, and it'll be like something profound. Like, is it where you fall?

SPEAKER_01 36:08

I don't know. Okay, yes. I have no clue. Okay, here you go.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

What's a compliment that you've never forgotten? Because you know how we'd be remembering those slams. Every bad review I've ever gotten, I could like repeat it verbatim.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

See, I don't look up my reviews um because the universe gifted me. This is terrible. There was a woman in this area who has the same name as me. Heinous acts. Like first three Google search pages heinous acts. And so I feel like that's the universe saying, don't go looking for it. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

Yeah. I forgot.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

What's a compliment that you've never forgotten since you don't take inventory of all of the hate mail?

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Um so one of my biggest goals was to have someone come to me and say, My life is better because you were in it. That was like one of my ultimate goals growing up. I feel like now my purpose has shifted a little to more of I believe I'm here to teach people how to love and teach people how to accept love. Like I feel like that's my purpose. And so um I had a client who was pretty determined to not be here, and they came and found me multiple years later to thank me and let me know they had just been accepted to their top choice school in the program they wanted, the very exclusive program. And they said thank you, and then they paid my full cash rate and said that's love for the therapist, so anybody knows that's love, that's love. Mm-hmm. I paid my full cash rate and said, I'm sure you want to spend this time doing something else. I love you. This is my gift to you. And they gave me, you know, the rest of the time to myself, which is like that never happens. Oh, that's right. I will never, never forget it.

SPEAKER_00 38:59

I feel your emotion coming up. That's beautiful. No, it does feel big when when I've had similar experiences, you never forget those. Always update your therapist. Like if you even good that or ugly, but like email us, like show us like yes, show us your your accomplishments, not because like we did them, but like we enjoy seeing you make it. Like we so rarely get that piece, and it it does like it's a special kind of compliment to say, hey, like some of our stuff together helps me piece this together to get here.

SPEAKER_01 39:53

And what I do is not pointless.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

Absolutely. You're not just sitting in a room talking, listening, like what people think that they do.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

Okay. Continue. I keep interrupting you, but no, you only have a few minutes.

SPEAKER_00 40:11

So I will say this it's happening, so it's a collective of compliments, but it's all rooted in the same thing my writing. So when I was like in first grade, I went to a school. I my parents randomly took us from where I was in school in Louisiana, um, with my people understanding my accents and all my ways, and they dropped me off in fucking Bemidji, Minnesota. And there was a major uh barrier. And yeah, like I didn't know what they were saying, they didn't know what I was saying, they thought I was slow as shit, but I could write. And I was in first grade and I compulsively wrote. I wrote stories, I wrote poems, I always have. Uh, if if you would say one thing that I've always gotten in trouble for, it's writing on shit. Writing on shit, I'm not supposed to because it's compulsive. If you, if I find lipstick, if I find anything that can make a mark, I will fucking write. I'm as I'm looking at my desk that has writing all over it. Um, so I compulsively write, I compulsively doodle, I always have. And I would write stories in school and shove them in my desk. And this teacher in Minnesota dug one out, and it was just this a make-believe story about a girl who's afraid to go to the dentist. And anyway, she she called my parents and was like, she's like really, really smart. Like she doesn't appear smart because of the way she talks, but like like she can really write. And my parents were like, Well, no shit, you know, like we live with her, like she like we have to keep her in pens and paper, basically. And so she started this thing because of that little Dennis story where she hung up hung it up and framed it in the classroom, and it was called Story of the Week. Oh, and it highlighted everybody's little stories and stuff like that. But this progressed on. And so um, this was a big one in college. So obviously, I not obviously, but in fact, I went to Mizzou and I went to their journalism school, and it's storied and it's a big deal, and it was a big deal for a girl Mrs. born in Mississippi to ever get there. And I get emotional thinking about that part. Um, but it wasn't even one of my journalism or my my writing professors. I was taking, you know, you have to take your elect, you have to take those the full course. So it's something in art history, because I don't do art, I don't do art, I don't like to sing, I don't, you know, but you still had to have some kind of art. So I took an art history course and it was on architecture. And I'm fascinated again by like that's one of my special interests. And so the professor was very, very, very smart and he was well traveled, and he was somebody that I would admire and I did admire. And we had to write weekly reflections, and they were just like little blurbs, and it would be like on a piece. Like, if you if we were studying a certain architect, you know, what do you think about this? What do you think about that? You know, where do you see this? And I would write my style, which is very prose, and uh it like you know my voice. And um, he wrote in the lines one time I look forward to everything that you produce. Um like this is the highlight of my week. And after the end of the class, he took time to say, like, you have a gift. If you don't use it, this will be a travesty. And so anytime like I've had people approach me to write projects for them, very important things like obituaries, all the way up to things that people have read at funerals. Um, my words are in stone literally for several children, my friends that have suffered child loss. Um that part's always humbling because that is the only thing that I've ever found. Like when you say love, that's the only thing that I've ever felt that feels like I can give somebody love. Like that's my purpose. When I you have several of my pieces, you have a poem about being a case manager, and then you have a piece that I wrote you when you were pregnant. And so those pieces are very, very, very important to me. And they're not about the pride aspect. I could give two shits about the the byline, but it's the concept that that is if you if you have one of my pieces in your home, it means I love you.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 44:36

And it was for you.

SPEAKER_01 44:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

Maybe we'll read it one day because it was pretty funny.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:43

I remember them, I still have them. I remember giving it to you, and you're like, Can I hug you? And this was still whenever I was struggling with hugs, still like today. And I was like, And you didn't.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

And we hugged it.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

We didn't.

SPEAKER_02 45:02

So I'm gonna get at it.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

Thank you all for joining us today. Um, we really hope you appreciated borrowing some besties.