Episode 11 - JessicaRose - Caregiving, Loss and Legacy

Jessica-Rose Johnson is a woman of accomplishment. She is a Marine Corps veteran, 8-time Warrior Games Medalist, keynote speaker, and a well of optimism. Her reach is expansive including anyone impacted by veteran specific struggles, suicide loss, mental health advocacy, and caregiver empowerment. Her husband Andrew Johnson succumbed to his brain cancer battle just a few months prior to this recording. Listen for yourself. JessicaRose is authentic in her commitment to love in sickness and in health, she is a woman going through it and STILL grateful for her future opportunities. 

This week's episode talks about the positive effects of rowing, adaptive sports, running, and giving back to the cancer center's that have held her. If you feel called to support Jessica Rose at this time Fundraiser by JessicaRose Johnson : Caring for Jessica-Rose as She Honors Andrew

Jessica-Rose Johnson: About - Jessica-Rose Johnson Unbreakable Hope with Jessica-Rose - Podcast - Apple Podcasts Suicide Mortality Review | SAMHSA 

Adaptive Sports: Healing on the Water - Riversport OKC Veterans Services Adaptive Rowing - Riversport OKC Warrior Games 

Cancer Caregiver Resources: How to Care for Someone with Brain Cancer | Tisch Brain Tumor Center One on One Brain Cancer Support - CanCare Support Groups - American Brain Tumor Association 11 Amazing Resources for Caregivers of a Loved One with a Brain Tumor - Salud America

Race stuff: One couple going the extra mile in Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon - ABC17NEWS Outpace Cancer Race DFW Brain Tumor Walk & Race

Heros discussed: Mel Robbins Simon Sinek | The Optimism Company About Brené | Brené Brown Home - Dr. Edith Eger 

Imposter syndrome: The Five Types of Imposter Syndrome and How to Manage Them

Transcript

Jess 0:00

Welcome to Sparking the Torch Podcast. My name is Jess and I'll be your guide weekly to highlight guest tales of lived experiences that offer illuminating ideas and insights. Three years ago, my brother slash best friend died while on active duty in the US Army. The worst possible outcome happened, and I thought I'd never get by. When my world was dark others poured their light into me. Now it's my turn to return the favor. Storytelling inspires hope. Join us each week fellow torch sparklers, and prepare for transformation.

Jess Timmerman 0:30

welcome back to sparking the Torch. This week you're in a for a real treat. It's my privilege to introduce the breathtaking Jessica Rose Johnson. How are you today, Jessica?

JessicaRose 0:40

living the day by day and just making it what it's worth.'cause every day is a new day, And we can conquer the challenges and overcome'em, or we can let them take us on and, I like to conquer them and not let them take me over.

JessTimmerman 0:53

I love that and especially where we are, it's always hot and sunny in today's, cold and dreary and none of us wanna do anything,

JessicaRose 1:00

A hundred percent.

Speaker 1:00

this first season of sparking the torch is on inspiration. when I think of you, I see this sword wielding heroine in an action. movie who subsequentially has the most endearing legacy you carry with you. can you introduce yourself to our listeners and share whatever you feel like talking about today? you have your own podcast, so we could go down any rabbit hole.

JessicaRose 1:23

I definitely, joke, I'm a talk aholic. I could talk all day about everything. But, some of the big things about me is I'm a Marine Corps veteran. I've been working in the behavioral health space for veterans for. over a decade now and, what I'm most known for professionally is I wrote the VA's Toolkit on suicide mortality reviews, but I also wear many of other hats. So I run the Veteran and Para Rowing program in the state of Oklahoma, and I also do adaptive sports coaching for the Marine Corps. And unfortunately, I'm a recent widow, My husband was a Navy veteran and he actually helped start the veterans program here in Oklahoma for rowing, and that's how I met him. that's a lot of. I guess my kind of journey and the different things that I do, and like you said, I do have my own podcast, unbreakable Hope, where we just share stories that all of us have gone through dark times in life, but we've overcome them and we're still alive today. we're here to tell these stories and I'm so grateful for you and your podcast and what you're sharing because I think that's super important.

Speaker 2:18

as a friend I was even not going to bring up Andrew, but I love that you did. I was going to give your heart, a rest you brought him up. That's why your a role model. Even in the dark you don't shy away from your truth. Sorry for your loss. it's very recent still and unexpected.

JessicaRose 2:34

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I joke that over the past six years we've known it was more likely than most people walking around. My husband's had brain cancer since 2009 with the recurrence in 2020. you know, your guaranteed life and with life is a guarantee of death is. we just had the opportunity the past six years that death was more likely, or at least we had more of a heads up, than most people. But yeah, unfortunately he went another six years post brain cancer number two, which is unheard of, and he died. Unfortunately had a medical, brain bleed in the middle of his sleep and died, which was unexpectedly for myself, for neuro-oncology, for the hospital. So it was almost after going six years preparing for it, it ended up being unexpected in the end. But I think it's an important story to tell. my husband and I had one of those. Committed loves that you only dream of, he was nonverbal for the past three years and fully wheelchair bound for the past two years. But our love never grew shy. It only grew deeper. I had to learn to love all the different versions of my husband over the past six years with the personality changes that come with neuro conditions as well as the physical changes. But that's something that happens in life, you get sick, you get injured, you things happen, and then you have to be able to still love and push through them. if that's why you're married, right? I joke you get married for money or get married for love. And I did the love thing and I did it deeply and I would do it all over again for him in, for him

Speaker 3:54

and you every day during that journey. And still now you married for better or worse and sickness and health and. You never left aside. It's really admirable.

JessicaRose 4:04

Yeah. I think with a lot of relationships, we focus, so much on what do we have in common, what can we bond with? Do we have some more hobbies? And my husband and I didn't do that when we got together. It was here's all the skeletons in my closet. Do you still wanna talk? Okay. You do. Okay, great. Here's my core values. We have similar core values. Okay, cool. If, this incident happens, what would you do? And one was knowing he had brain cancer in 2009. So when we got together in the beating in 2015. It was Hey, I've had brain cancer before. It's very likely I'm gonna have brain cancer again. Whatcha gonna do about it? And I'm like, we'll just cross that bridge when we get here. We'll fight that together. we were very much united fronts, but it's'cause we had those hard conversations in the beginning. I've known from the beginning what my husband's wishes were, and those are things that we don't talk enough about in society as far as, you know, we're guaranteed to die. Why don't we talk about death? Why don't we talk about what our beliefs are, what our wants are. So many people are left. Not knowing what their loved one wanted.

Speaker 4:55

Correct.

JessicaRose 4:56

And that's something that I am so grateful that I love talking about the taboo, but so did my husband. I knew without a doubt, I didn't even have to look at an advanced directive to know the decision that I needed to make in the end. And I know even the hospital system was. Quite surprised and shocked that I made a decision as quickly as I did, but I knew in my heart that I would, it wasn't the first

Speaker 5:14

time you had thought about it, you had many discussions about it and you knew One of my favorite things you say is, can you say it for our listeners? how you make decisions? I just think it's,

JessicaRose 5:25

oh yeah. So I had to come with terms over this journey, and so I said, you know what? I have to make decisions where my soul can rest at night. And if I get to the end of the day and I am worked up about something I did that day, I either have to fix it, I have to apologize, I have to change behaviors. But at the end of the day, that's all I have is what can my soul rest because his wife is very short and my husband taught me that, he had the opportunity to live like he was dying back in 2009 when he was told he wouldn't even make it two months, and then he made it over 11 years. he's a medical miracle and I'm so grateful for. God allowing him to stay alive for me and then him loving me enough to fight to stay alive for me as well. that's really hard because there's many a times where my husband could have and should have, frankly given up. And a lot of people, if you look at our situation, he didn't wanna live a life you couldn't communicate.

Speaker 6:14

Right.

JessicaRose 6:14

And how many of us would be willing to sign up and say. Put me in a wheelchair, let me lose my ability of one of my arms. And oh, also, I can't read, write, or talk to people verbally. that's a difficult life. But he was the most mentally strong person I'd ever met. And I truly believe in many people around me have said this, he loved me enough to fight, to stay alive for me. And he helped me in so many different ways in my growth journey. Not just loving me, but really pushing me to be a better person, which I think. All of our friends talk about this. We shared some stories at my husband's service a few weeks ago, was about how. My husband said, I always look for the good in everybody, and he could always see the potential in everybody. So together people were annoyed by us because we would push them to be the better version of themselves. We would see the good, draw it out and make'em better.

Speaker 7:00

You're those SNL cheerleaders. You're come on, you got this. They're get this positive police outta my face.

JessicaRose 7:06

yes, yes. I think I had more of a cheerful positive spit on it. While my husband sometimes would come more across like an asshole.

Speaker 7:13

Is that a difference in the branches you served? Is that a Navy Marine thing or is that just personality?

JessicaRose 7:20

I think stereotypically it probably would've been the other way around. most people might think the Navy would be a little bit lighter than the Marine Corps. Maybe the Marine Corps has more of a rugged personality like, stereotype. So maybe it's just more personality. I used to joke too, is that. I didn't know my husband before his first brain tumor, full disclosure. And I would joke, I said, oh, they removed his empathy and compassion with the first tumor.'cause the first tumor is the size of a fist. I don't know, if it was ever there, but I would just joke that it got removed. it must have, been removed. With the tumor. It got thrown out a hundred percent medical waste. now I joke that my husband has left some of his personality to me. I actually, I went back to coaching. We have a corporate rowing league as well in Oklahoma. As well as we have lots of programs, but, I used to coach for the corporate team before my husband's brain cancer came back, and then when his cancer came back and, he needed more care and it ultimately became a 24 7 total care patient. I, I had told my, coordinator, I was Hey, I don't think it's appropriate for me to take a team on because Andrew's my priority. So at any point in time. I'm out.

Speaker 8:15

Right?

JessicaRose 8:16

I told him this year, I said, after he passed away, I said, oh, I guess I'll come back. And she was so sweet. She was am I allowed to be happy about this? And I was obviously we're all sad, right? We're all heartbroken and sad that my husband passed away. But our lives are continuing forward and we have to find ways and what that looks like for us to continue forward. So I told her, I was yeah, it's okay to be happy to have you back. I said, we're gonna test this. We're gonna see, because I told him as soon as I found out Andrew's cancer is back, I said straight up, I don't know if I'm gonna. Do anymore with rowing? I stayed in rowing for him. Right. I literally went to check the program out and then I checked him out instead. So that's why I stayed. So I don't know if I'm gonna stick with this. Like I only ever did it for Andrew and I stayed with, I wanna quit multiple times. at the time of this recording, I actually coached for the first time since his passing, last night. And this morning I subbed in last night, ended up picking up a full-time team, and then I had a team I agreed to do this morning. I remember going in there and thinking man, I didn't realize how much I missed this.

Speaker 9:07

Okay.

JessicaRose 9:07

But the team last night, they're a brand new team, so you know, I'm giving them the tour and I get to show them the Boat bay that was dedicated to my husband and we have a plaque and we have a nice picture up there. And I said, that was my husband. I explained to them, he actually just passed away a couple months ago and this is my first time coming back here to coach. I said, so I don't really sugarcoat things anymore. You can think that to his personality that he left to me and I laughed and I thought. I know I've can tell different, a shift in my personality, joke. I'm a very traditional Gemini, but my husband was a Scorpio. Oh. I've been a lot more Scorpio lately,

Speaker 9:37

oh, yep, spicy! i'm a Scorpio. I feel it Scorpio's love each other or we're mortal enemies with other Scorpios It's

JessicaRose 9:43

yes,

Speaker 9:44

bringing it up. how did it feel to get back out there? Did you

JessicaRose 9:48

actually, it. Felt way better than I expected. So I was a little nervous. I wasn't sure emotionally especially.'cause that was the first time I truly walked into the doors and walked around. I took his family to see where the boat Bay dedication was when they came up for his service and his service was at the boathouse. But I walked in, I said, okay, I can do this. just thinking. I'm like, you know, it's fine. It's fine, it's fine. And I'm meeting people and I'm getting that, Work over mentality. like when you kind put on, I dive into workaholic. You put

Speaker 10:12

entertainer hat, you're

JessicaRose 10:13

I'm gonna

Speaker 10:14

shake hands, kiss babies. I can do this.

JessicaRose 10:16

Yes, exactly. Exactly. So I will say there's a couple times where I got a little choked up. I like moment happened, then we'll move on. And then since most of them were all new people, it just reminded me how much joy it was. To Andrew loved the sport so much and he knew how much it meant for veterans to be able to have an outlet and be able to grow and push themselves. And I'm looking at all these people and, I didn't ask veteran status. I knew one of'em was,'cause I met her previously, but I didn't ask veteran status and I just said, Hey, who has rowing experience? Who doesn't? Right? when I. I'm going through all these people and I'm seeing them learning this for the first time. And this is kinda like anything, any kind of hobby when you're an adult, it's like making friends, making hobbies. It's difficult, right? You're like, oh, why am I so scared to try something new? And people putting themselves out there, right? And then me not sugarcoating it as well as I used to. So I said some things where I was surprised after they came outta my mouth, how well they were received. I was worried.

Speaker 11:12

Okay.

JessicaRose 11:13

Um,

Speaker 11:14

you were pleasantly surprised. You were shocked.

JessicaRose 11:16

Yes.

Speaker 11:16

Also, kind of Andrew's personality then,

JessicaRose 11:18

Oh, showing. yes, very much so. There was a couple things I said where I was Ooh, I wouldn't have normally said that, but it came outta my mouth. so then when I went back this morning, I actually, I took a little bit of footage while I'm walking in. It's cold today, like you said, super windy. I'm the first person there at the boathouse, and I'm just wow. I didn't realize how much I actually miss this and enjoyed this and being able to. Inspire other people to grow, whether they stick with rowing or they don't, but knowing that they just did something they've never done before, right? They put themselves out there. They were willing to show up, try something new. Have someone like me coming at them, telling them the cold, hard truth that they suck sometimes, But then just saying Hey. I hope you come back next week. And the amount of response that I got back from the team that I had was yeah, we can't wait to come back next week. I'm like, really?'cause I saw some pretty harsh stuff, but I

Speaker 12:02

let's do next week. You didn't even get the best me. Like I'm effective as as a jerk, interesting

JessicaRose 12:07

Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 12:08

so I know this about you, you were a playlist person. When you approached the boathouse, did you have a playlist to get you in that spot or were you taking everything in and just trying to live present?

JessicaRose 12:18

I will say, unfortunately, yesterday I was on the phone like the entire day. I've had some other life chaos stuff happen as if losing your spouse and also in the middle of closing in a house like those are two. Very disruptive things. It is. But losing my spouse will affect me for the rest of my life. And it has greatly affected my ability to close on my house. so unfortunately I was living on the phone all day yesterday dealing with phone calls with that. So I got there 30 minutes early'cause I'm gonna need some time to just walk around to talk to people because again. Of all these people, my colleagues, they haven't seen me. So if they were able to make it to Andrew's service, if not, they haven't seen me since, end of January when my husband passed. So I was like, I just, I'm gonna need some time to just walk around. This morning was definitely a wake up drink my tea, have my playlist, Make sure I'm hyped up. So I'm definitely a very much playlist person. If anybody wants recommendations. I have playlists for all the different emotions, and I love soundtracks to movies, not scores. It's different. I can educate you that the soapbox soundtracks are different than scores. I love soundtracks.

Speaker 13:18

Okay. Oh man. I wanna go back to you said Andrew, for a while was nonverbal, but you didn't stop living and you didn't separate your lives. can you tell people about running and something you guys found to do together when rowing wasn't a thing?

JessicaRose 13:35

Yeah, so that's probably. Probably one of the most interesting, fun facts. I don't talk about enough.'cause I guess a bit of a brag for me. But I love it.

Speaker 13:42

So it's definitely not a brag hold. I didn't mean to cut you off, but people come from all over the world to run the OKC Memorial Marathon. It's a big deal, right? Yeah. And everybody has. Nobody runs a marathon'cause they love it. sure they do, but some of them like love to punish themselves. Some of them have to prove an ex wrong. there's a whole bunch of bad reasons people do. Everybody has a story that's on that starting line. But that's true. I think you and Andrew's love story Was a highlight of last year, you know, just,

JessicaRose 14:12

it was definitely, so when I got on the Marine Corps, I got out after four and a half years active duty. I had some injuries. It took initially two and a half years to get my first injury addressed and I got surgery, which thus led the knee to having five additional surgeries and it's left me with a lot of complicated medical ness. So when I met Andrew, he'd actually told me about this thing called the Warrior Games. And which is now the DOD Warrior game. So it's basically the military Paralympics is short version. So I go out initially as a guest. He's competing in Team Navy. He was in the inaugural group, plucked outta Walter Reed. I was this is cool, but I'm not coming back wearing navy blue. I'm gonna wear my beloved Marine Corps red. So I fought, got on the Marine Corps team, and I'm shortening this story a lot, but the basis of this is Andrew really got me into adaptive sports and realizing I could still do a lot even with my injuries. Fast forward. Now, Andrew is in a wheelchair, and we used to do runs together. We would do tough matters. We were really doing all these different active things together outside of even rowing. So I had to battle through guilt. That's one of the things that I struggle with the most over the past six years, is how can I live, how can I continue to live my life but take care of him? And finding what does everyday balance look like? I realized I wasn't riding my bike anymore. I didn't like going for runs anymore'cause I felt guilty'cause I couldn't take him with me. So I said, okay, well what does it look like to take him with me? What do I have to do? So I reached out to one of my social workers and was Hey, can you help me track down something like this? I saw a video of some dude doing this with his brother. how do I find one of these chairs? How do I give one these chairs? So she helped me look into it and research it and found a company that sold'em and was like, Hey, here's a link. They, uh, maybe you can reach out to'em. Check it out. I did and I ordered a chair and, of course most people were oh, it's your son. I was like, no, it's my husband. He's, 195 pounds and he's five nine. I need a big chair. last year in January, I was all right, we're gonna do this. We're gonna run the Memorial Marathon. Full marathon. I'd not really, it came out on an accident, but then once it like was spoken, it was spoken into existence, then you can't do it back. So you wore this chair? Yeah. It comes in the Friday before, so we have Friday, my friend literally comes over, it's being delivered while I'm away at an appointment. She puts it together. We do a test run around the block. We fix a couple of things. The next day we run the Stevenson, cancer outpaced cancer, 10 K. We learned some stuff and had to make some adjustments, the shocks got stuck and it was a little crazy, but we're all right. The next weekend we ran the Memorial Marathon, the fool, and it was so cool for me because I'm like. I get to take my husband with me now. he still gets to be in this environment of competition and growth and pushing himself. And of course he also got to take in every jello shop, popcorn, breakfast burrito, anyone was handing him.'cause he's in the chair not having to put in the work. Right. Yeah. He's just enjoying Gorilla Hill. Not a battle it. yes. So it was so much fun. I was We're gonna do this more often, and this is great. We're gonna get outta here. we're doing it again this year and we had planned, we actually did the Memorial Marathon 5K kickoff in January. And we prd. That was our best 5K. we ran the Liberty Sprint, we ran the veterans 5K. We ran another 5K there. I can't quite remember which one, but the Memorial Marathon kickoff, 5K, we prd it. That was the first five KI ever did where not one other person touched. The stroller. Not one other person helped me push Andrew. I pushed him the entire time by myself, and again, everyone's thinking, oh, it's your son. It's your son. I'm no, this's my husband. It was just so amazing and so I'm so grateful. Our last 5K was our pr, but. I'm still gonna run it this year in honor of my husband. I'm still gonna push the stroller and I'm actually gonna be filling bags with River, rock. and these rock. After the run, we're actually gonna take them and have a paint party because then we're gonna paint these rocks and put them in the healing gardens all over OU and Stevenson Cancer Center as a way to give back to spaces that gave so much to me while my husband was in the hospital. So kinda like a twofer, but I'm gonna be pushing his, his. Last weight, the 1 95 weight, and I'll have a few people out there helping me. My brother-in-law's coming out from Texas to help me, and I have a couple friends here locally, but we're still gonna run because we want people to know that. Love is stronger than we give it credit for. And we're truly stronger than we think we are. And there's so much that we have been through in life that we look back and in that moment, we felt it was tough. And that moment we felt it was hard, but we felt that way before about other moments. So I wanted to be a symbol for other people. You know, The memorial itself, is such a beacon and a symbol for our state, for our country, for what we've been through and what we've grown through. But this is a symbol for me personally, and I want it to be a symbol for so many other people who feel like they've lost hope or been told to lose hope. Because I have, over the years, I've been told by people who. Or disgruntled or burnt out in their field that to lose hope to give up on my husband. And I says, no, my husband's life is between him and God. Nobody else gets to choose when he dies. So I will fight with every breath that I have to give him the quality of life that he deserves as a human. And I plan to still honor that. Still show people that again, we're stronger than we think we are and to never lose hope. on the darkest days, there's still light

Speaker 18:55

the symbolism of River Rocks, and they're going into the Hope Garden at the Stevenson Centers. I it's just, it's chills worthy, right? Because you're talking skipping river rocks and the ripples, and who knows It's gonna be in a pit of despair and sees these rocks and knows the story behind it. Man, it's bigger than a twofer.

JessicaRose 19:15

Yeah. Yeah. that's my hope. When I was picking out rocks, and this idea first came where like sandbox, I was like, no, it's gotta be meaningful. And we talked about doing one of those rescue Randy, dummy dolls. Mm-hmm. I was no, I don't want it to be cheesy. It needs to be meaningful. how can I make this meaningful? when I was looking at rocks and I saw the river rocks, I was this is it. This is it. Because I wanted to give back to these spaces that gave so much to me and paint these rocks as well. I was like, these are the rocks. These have to be the rocks. And this is gonna be a thing and I hope to be able to continue to make this an annual thing. We'll be out there at the Stevenson Cancer, 10 K in April. I will be doing. Brain cancer run in Dallas in May. I won't have the stroller for that one'cause I'll actually be helping them with that run. But I'll be doing the 10 K here at Stevenson Cancer, running for neuro-oncology. Our team is do it for the brain.

Speaker 19:55

Love

JessicaRose 19:56

it. And then I'll be running the Memorial Marathon fool again and we'll see where this crazy thing called life takes me. And

Speaker 20:02

So in the past few months, you have planned a funeral, you have bought a house, you have a podcast, you have a pageant career, you are a guest speaker, you're running a marathon. We're gonna get this book out of you one day. What else?

JessicaRose 20:18

Yes.

Speaker 20:19

What else are you doing?

JessicaRose 20:19

I will be speaking at a conference in Tulsa. It's a free conference. it's actually next week. It's next Wednesday and Thursday. depending on when this episode goes out, but I will be speaking, it'll actually be the first time I'm giving my talk about being a caregiver after Andrew's passing. So I'll have some new insight being able to add to that presentation. But, my presentation also is titled after my book that we lived while he was dying. And it's not about the death, it's about the living. Yeah. And that goes back to we're all guaranteed, like once we're born, we're guaranteed to die. Everything in between is up to us. We play an active role or in an active role. And that's not pointing fingers, it's not pointing blame, it's just that is our life. if we do not take active control over our lives on a daily basis, then we're gonna reach the end of our life and wonder what did we do? Or what did we let happen to us? How did we take control back? Because we're all gonna go through experiences in life that we didn't want to, but how can we change our story? one of my favorite songs from The Greatest Showman, again, going back to soundtracks, Oh, is Rewrite the Stars,

Speaker 21:17

okay?

JessicaRose 21:18

Which is also a reoccurring theme in the movie and Knight's Tale. Rewrite your stars. And I love that. I love that phrase, and I love that imagery. And I hope that's something that sticks with people too, is no matter what has happened to you in your life, you can still overcome it and good can come out of you. Right. a lot of people like to say everything happens for a reason. You don't have to believe that. And I'm not saying I believe that necessarily. I think that quote needs reworked. Keep going. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely think it's things happen. We can still move forward from them, right? We don't have to, we don't have to be defeated by the darkness that comes against our lives. When the darkness is deep and it is heavy and it, if you let it, it will overcome you. But if you seek the light, the light is always there. Even in the darkest skies, there's still a moon and there's still the stars, and that's something that I have firmly believed in. And. I really have my husband to thank for all the time I put in to seeking the light. And that's why I wrote my gratitude journals too, is I got stuck in the darkness. My husband had to be the one kind of pointing it out for me. And I, I've told that story many times. If people wanna. They're happy to reach out to me, but I just, I want people to be able to experience the love and the light that I've been able to experience in my lifetime and know that we can grow from whatever darkness has happened to us or whatever darkness that we have been a part of, right? we can make things better.

Speaker 22:35

And we always get to define our stories, right? My personal anthem is from that musical. I love"This is Me."

JessicaRose 22:41

yes. 100%. 100%.

Speaker 22:44

Oh my gosh. I circled three things we have to hit on before I let you go. man, I. Okay, I had this, I said, if it gets heavy do you ever, we both have the same first name. Do you feel, when you are in a sea of Jessica's, do you have to differentiate yourself? Do you go by initial, do you say, for instance, if you and I are at the same thing, I'm Well, she is a pageant girl and she is a Marine and I am just here. Or did you add the rose to your name to differentiate yourself or do you not feel that? Are you not surrounded by Jessica's?'cause I'm older than you.

JessicaRose 23:16

Oh no. It's definitely a sea of Jessica's. It's 100%. So growing up, I went by Jessica. I like to joke. My northern mother gave me a southern name. my first name being Jessica Rose. So growing up when I went by Jessica, it didn't last long, I think maybe third grade. I was I am out. I'm not doing this all which one thing for the rest of my life. Totally. So I went by Rose. I graduate, I get my diploma, I go into the Marine Corps and the Marine Corps's well technically your legal name is Jessica Rose. So I'm oh shoot. Okay. My bank accounts, everything just said Rose.'cause back then it wasn't super strict. So I gotta get all this stuff changed, whatever I go on the room for, and, people, look me up at the computer and oh, this is Jessica, and people start calling me Jessica. I'm like, oh no, what, what is this madness? So if I had a chance to introduce myself, I'd always introduce myself as Rose. Fast forward. I'm out of the Marine Corps and there's a group of people who are very adamant, very loving. They're no, your name is Jessica Rose. We love it. It's beautiful. We're willing to say all the syllables. And I'm okay, that's not bad. Whatever. Well, I meet Andrew, and this is where he changed my life many of times. So I meet him, it's in an echoy environment, and he says, what's your name? And I say, Jessica Rose. And he says, what's your name? I say, Jessica Rose. And he said, what? And I said, Jess, Jess. Call me Jess. At this point in my life, only two people had ever called me Jess.

Speaker 24:21

Okay.

JessicaRose 24:22

I'm mid thirties, late, or mid twenties, late twenties. Only two of my brothers would ever call me Jess.

Speaker 24:28

Okay.

JessicaRose 24:28

I just wanted Andrew to call me. once he knew me as Jess, then everyone knew me as Jess. to be completely honest, that's how that happens.

Speaker 24:34

Other than that, it delineates your life before and after Andrew. If people call you I get that. I have high school friends that call me Jessica. yeah, I get it.

JessicaRose 24:42

Yep. Oh yeah. Yep. or sometimes in professional environments, a lot of people just call me J Rose for short, because it is a mouthful.

Speaker 24:49

I like

JessicaRose 24:49

it. And it does get complicated when there's a lot of us in the world. Oh my. usually, gosh, I don't like sharing names with people, but you're pretty cool. So I'm oh, we can be Jess together. That's cool.

Speaker 24:59

I'll just, those always you are. not better. you're more qualified to be in the same room as I am in, okay. We only touched on it briefly because we talked more. Andrew, I was gonna give you a break. I love your honesty. Oh. you are a researcher by, right now you're this Yes, that's my rowing coach, Scorpio. But at your soul, you're like a nerdy research dork. If you, on your podcast, if you had three guests, who are your. Mount Rushmore of, researchers you'd like to get ahold of.

JessicaRose 25:27

Oh, okay.

Speaker 25:28

I guess they could be researchers or just guests you'd like to interview. I guess

JessicaRose 25:32

it, I mean, if I focus on researchers, I am a huge Mel Robbins fan and also Andrew Erman, oh my goodness, love, love, love. But I also love Simon's neck. Okay. So if you haven't heard of him, great leadership, and I feel a lot of the stuff he says, I'm like, bro, I agree. I say that stuff all the time. So those are three people that I feel like I connect with quite a bit.

Speaker 25:51

Okay.

JessicaRose 25:51

also love Brene Brown. A lot of the research she does, especially I love talking about the taboo topics. Yeah. So she researches shame and guilt, Those are my kind of people for sure.

Speaker 26:00

Okay. I know I was making this list recently. I was thinking my season two might be researchers or activists. Oh, I don't know how. I love your use of a voice to go to navigate tricky conversations. It's a very good skill you are developing. I don't know how much longer she has with us, but like Dr. Edith Eger, I would love to interview her. can you imagine she has done such? That's a good one. Cool. Research and thing. Yeah. Okay. I normally ask, we have this real conversation, then I ask somebody humanizing, something uninspiring of your week. But we both are a part of this. When I texted you this morning at my kids' drop off, I was Hey, do you wanna talk at two? I think this is uninspiring about both of us. I

JessicaRose 26:42

love this so much.

Speaker 26:42

Wrap this up as humanizing, or, it's a crazy, funny coincidence, right? You're my number 11 guest. This is an angel numbers thing, but what did you think we were talking about today? I

JessicaRose 26:54

totally thought that we were talking about this fundraiser, 5K.'cause you've been giving me some feedback, since you've been doing a 5K for years. I was Hey, can I pick your brain trying to do some stuff for neuro-oncology? And, you sent me this lovely email and then we were talking about connecting again on Zoom. I'm all right, cool. Whatever. Totally had no clue you were talking about your podcast today. I thought we were just talking about the run. So I straight up, got my notebook and my pen and I was all right, I'm ready to take some notes. And you're I'm gonna hit record. I'm like, for what?

Speaker 27:19

I know. As soon as you said notes, I was Uh, oh. I just got back from the gym. I'm not prepared for whatever we're doing. I do love that you alluded to it, you are at a friend's house, recording from their kitchen because you're in, so that's uninspiring about both of us. We Oh, but we showed up today. It's, yeah,

JessicaRose 27:36

man. We were just doing the best we can with what we have every day. Right?

Speaker 27:39

That's true. Oh, man. Okay. Is there anything we didn't get to that you wanna share in. This section of your journey?

JessicaRose 27:48

Oh goodness. I feel I'm alcoholic. I could talk all day. I think a big thing in life is that. We can let the situations that happen to us, control us. And I think this's maybe a re recurring thing of what I've been saying so far. Right? Or we can take a step back and take ownership for our role and whatever has occurred. I'm grateful, especially with my husband stuff. I'm so grateful that I listened to my intuition, right? And I pushed back because I'm in a better place for that. Than ignoring that. But I just keep looking back, on the gratitude of things. It's hard if you're out there and you're stuck in the negative. Trust me, it took me like months. I realized at the end of the day, if I couldn't think of one good thing in my day, I was Ooh, I am really stuck right in this Molasses of negativity that now I've been able to survive living five months in the hospital, nine days in the ICU with my husband looking for the light, focusing on the good. And even the last three days when my husband was in ICU on life support, knowing that I could make the decision that I could rest with, and that was pure and the ultimate. The ultimate act of love. I knew I could do that. And as painful as it is, and it still sucks that my husband's gone, it still does. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss him.

Speaker 28:52

Right.

JessicaRose 28:53

But it also. Be lying if I said that. You know, it happened, right? It did not happen. Right? And people will say things like, I bet you wish you had more time. And I had more time. Every minute I have with him, God gave me more time. And that's how our lives are every day. We are given this time, but we don't always get the chance to be slapped in the face to know that every minute is our last minute. And I think that's something that I wish people could experience that without having to experience. The pain and the emotional turmoil that I had to go through the last six years, but I would do it all over again. I would do it all over again for him. So I just wish people would look at that in their lives and know that every day is your last day and you can play an active role in your life and you can change your stars and to look for the light'cause it's always gonna be there.

Speaker 29:38

Ugh, that's incredible. Thanks Jessica. Jessica Rose.

JessicaRose 29:42

I was Jessica squared over here.

Speaker 29:44

Oh man. Okay. thank you. Thank you so much for doing this. Yeah,

29:49

for

Speaker 29:49

sure. You've been an inspiration to me. Even in this, I had this idea so long ago and I came up with so many reasons not to do it, but everybody's just human like us. Like we talked about podcasts, Ashley Flowers can forget to hit record and she's a human too.

JessicaRose 30:04

Yeah. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 30:06

Thank you. Thank you so much for doing this.

JessicaRose 30:08

Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you for having me on.

Jess 30:10

It means the world to me that you clicked Sparking the Torch Pod. If you like what you heard, please leave me a five star review. If you've got a story you'd like to have highlighted, shoot me an email. Thanks again.