Ep 12 - Deanna - Cancer Loss, Travis Manion Foundation, and Foster Care

Gold Star spouse Deanna Phillips became a widow on March 5, 2010, when her beloved husband, Michael Phillips, a US Air Force veteran, lost his battle with service-connected cancer. The grief that followed was nearly paralyzing. She feared she’d always be alone. 

“When you lose a spouse, you have this heavy weight on you,” she says. “The whole world is erupting. You carry stuff and you keep carrying it and carrying it, and soon you don’t even realize that you’re carrying it.”

Deanna learned about TMF in 2023, and it was the start of her journey to freedom. “I’d been involved in a lot of widow organizations,” she says, “but TMF is doing something other organizations don’t. Bringing together veterans and families of the fallen is so vital, because it gives you an understanding that you didn’t have before. It helps me understand my own story more.”

When she began TMF’s Spartan Leadership Program (SLP)—a 7-month, life-changing experience designed to empower veterans and families of fallen military heroes to connect passion with purpose—Deanna felt reconnected to her husband. 

SLP made such an impact on Deanna that she is now one of TMF’s most active Spartan leaders. She leads the North Dallas chapter in all of its events and service projects, and is a Mentor with Character Does Matter.

 ---courtesy of the Travis Manion Foundation Impact and Stories Blog From Loss to Leadership: How Deanna Phillips Inspires Community

Cancer Caregiver Resources: VA | National Oncology Program US Veterans | Cancer Resources | Cancer Risk | American Cancer Society Caregivers | This Is Living With Cancer | Official Site

Organizations mentioned: Tragedy Assistance Program For Survivors (TAPS) Is Here For You! Travis Manion Foundation | "If Not Me, Then Who..." DIRECTION61:3 | Help Youth Aging Out Of Foster Care In Texas

Transcript

Jess 0:00

Welcome to Sparking the Torch Podcast. My name is Jess and I'll be your guide weekly to highlight guest tales of lived experiences offer ideas and insights. Three years ago, my brother slash best friend died while on active duty in the US Army. The worst possible outcome happened, and I thought I'd never get by. When my world was dark others poured their light into me. Now it's my turn to return the favor. Storytelling inspires hope. Join us each week fellow torch sparklers, and prepare for transformation.

Jess Timmerman 0:29

welcome back to Sparking the Torch podcast. Today we're rounding up my first 12 and I can't think of a more ideal person than to talk to Deanna. Philip. How are you today, Deanna?

Deanna Phillip 0:40

I'm good. I'm excited to be here.

Jess Timmerman 0:42

Good. I'm glad you're number 12. I really feel you're the ideal person for this. I think you have a magic sauce to the person you are, and I will give you a Nelson Mandela quote that I wrote when I harassed you last night to see if you would do this Nelson Mandela's Credited for this. It might not be him, but he said, lead from the back and let other ones believe they're in the front. And then leaders are always the first to arrive and the last to leave, never the other way around. that was Kenneth Chin. I know I think of that about you and and we have a mutual friend, Aaron when I asked him for some groundbreaking discovery to bring up on our podcast, he said the same words, but you're the first in last out. You don't give yourself enough credit. You are uplifting and you set the standard with integrity when no one's looking. Okay. So with those accolades, could you tell our listeners, about yourself, what you've been up to in this life of yours?

Deanna Phillip 1:39

Sure. just a normal, everyday person. I'm listening to that going, no,

Audio Only - All Participants 1:43

me.

Deanna Phillip 1:43

Oh. Okay.

Jess Timmerman 1:44

Tell us about yourself.

Deanna Phillip 1:46

Sure. let's see. currently, I have a lot of hats that I wear. I would say that. I work, for a ministry called Direction 6 1 3, which is here in Texas, specifically for older foster kids those aging out of foster care. so that's my day job. My passion, is, Travis Manian Foundation. I lead the North Dallas chapter. and I love that because, I love the fact that I can honor, my husband through service and that I can leave a legacy not necessarily a building, but hopefully impacting individuals in my community to leave it a better place than I found it. And let's see, I'm a mom. She's old now, she's not really my sphere anymore. what else? I'm

Jess Timmerman 2:31

how did you come across TMF.

Deanna Phillip 2:33

Robin McGee.

Jess Timmerman 2:34

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 2:35

Just on Facebook. Yeah. we had connected with taps, which taps for me was a phenomenal resource the grieving process, especially the first few years when think straight.

Jess Timmerman 2:45

Did you have a survivor Buddy? my experience with Taps, when I reached out to them, they found me a sibling lost survivor. And she called me once a month and we chatted. Did you have something like that?

Deanna Phillip 2:54

if I did, I don't remember it.

Jess Timmerman 2:56

that's okay. That makes sense.

Deanna Phillip 2:57

I came across Taps about a year after Mike passed away 'cause it wasn't really big in the Air Force at that point, And a friend of mine signed me up and I was mad at her. I'm I didn't ask for this stuff. Came in the mail and I got a phone call and I was

Jess Timmerman 3:11

oh, that's honest. You're right. Not everybody wants that and I was let me find stuff on my own time.

Deanna Phillip 3:16

Well, but I'm so grateful. she demand, and I told her after that, I'm like, I'm so grateful because, I I didn't know how to deal. I was seeing counselors and stuff, but I needed to be in groups with peers. Because I would go to church, but they were older widows and they weren't holding a kid who was crying every night. when you sit in a room with people that get it that're in their stage, I just figured out that I wasn't, 'cause I couldn't remember anything. And, understanding that your brain shuts down to protect you from all the grief. So you may not remember phone numbers or you may not remember this, it'll come back. But in the process, it's gotta heal.

Jess Timmerman 3:54

Right?

Deanna Phillip 3:55

Or find its new, normal, I guess, healing. It's never you don't ever heal from grief. You find a new normal.

Jess Timmerman 4:00

you talked about honoring your husband. Can you tell us about him? clearly he passed, but can you tell us the journey you guys had?

Deanna Phillip 4:08

Sure. so I met Mike out in California and, it was, pretty quick. But, from the moment of meeting to marriage was like a year. and we got married and let's see, we got one night in a hotel before he had to go back and finish up his training. two weeks later we were arriving in Rapid City, South Dakota for our first assignment. so Mike is a B one guy by trade, so he was a wso, which, offensive and defensive seats dropped bombs and helped protect the plane, basically. he went through his career. He, was an instructor.

Jess Timmerman 4:42

Was he officer or enlisted?

Deanna Phillip 4:44

so he was an officer.

Jess Timmerman 4:45

Where did he graduate,

Deanna Phillip 4:46

university Yeah. Akron. He had a physics degree.

Jess Timmerman 4:50

smart dude.

Deanna Phillip 4:51

He what? honestly. Is

Jess Timmerman 4:52

he dirty? Star Wars? I'm picturing a type. Yes. Not dirty, nerdy, but tough. Okay.

Deanna Phillip 4:59

very intelligent. Could write like nobody's business and anyone that worked with Mike. Mike was very quiet, but he could process things and then bring about solutions. Okay. his name, there were two mikes in training. There was quiet Mike and loud Mike. And my mic was the quiet Mike. but really smart. Just really off the chart, honestly. smart. I think our first date he started talking about black holes and I literally was I can't hang with you. Like I can't hang with you.

Jess Timmerman 5:26

You're

Deanna Phillip 5:26

no. but I think we brought each other together that way. I was more outgoing. He was very quiet, wallflower. as we grew together as a couple, we kinda, brought out the best in each other. 'cause we learned from each other's strengths. I would say. That's beautiful. I miss it. I need him to, he would always okay, what if I was upset? He goes, okay, let's think about this. What is your end result? he's if you responded that way, what do you expect in return? And he would always get me to pause and think, and I'm like, I need that a little bit more nowadays.

Jess Timmerman 5:56

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 5:56

But anyway, so we went out, went through his career. He flew in the cockpit for 12 years. And then our next assignment, probably our sweet spot was, he worked at 12th Air Force, out in Tucson. we were there for five years and loved that assignment. then our last assignment was to Holbert Airfield and he was in the Koc for, socom, which is the special ops command. But, we were only there like less than a year before. he was diagnosed with, stage four esophageal cancer.

Jess Timmerman 6:32

Oh.

Deanna Phillip 6:32

it happened very fast. He had been in Korea and he had come home and I picked him up from the airport and I saw him and I'm you look like someone who has cancer. And, he was so sick and he just wanted to go home. And the next morning I was on the call to the flight doc and they're like, we're booked. I lost my mind going, you have to see him. You have to see him. And they saw him and yeah. Within, this was a Thursday, Friday was a down day before Labor Day.

Jess Timmerman 7:00

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 7:01

They gave him fluids and they had some tech sergeant meet us to do CAT scans and I'll never forget it 'cause there was no one in the hospital. And, he came back and he said, I see the tumors. And I was tumors

Jess Timmerman 7:13

multiple. Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 7:14

he just looked at me and he said, I'll let you talk to the doctor and. I went out to the car to get him 'cause he was so weak, he couldn't really walk a long ways. I brought the car, but I sat out in the car and called my brother just crying. They said he has tumors. And the next Tuesday we met the oncologist and he was given two months to live.

Jess Timmerman 7:32

oh

Deanna Phillip 7:32

yeah. So it was,

Jess Timmerman 7:34

you never had time to process, you just

Deanna Phillip 7:37

no. he actually fought for 18 months and just incredible miracles. a long story in that process of, having to retire at the time, you couldn't stay in, they had to put you through an MEB board.

Jess Timmerman 7:50

they do that differently now, or is that wrong?

Deanna Phillip 7:52

My understanding is they do it differently now. so what that meant for us is he got medically retired at 19 years, seven months.

Jess Timmerman 8:00

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 8:00

Which, okay. 20 years is the magic for everything.

Jess Timmerman 8:05

Yeah,

Deanna Phillip 8:06

everything. And when you talk about even while he was alive, the medical, the dollar benefits, was significant. I called myself a gray zone widow because when this happened, when he passed away, you would get DIC and SVP. And SVP is a life insurance program that we had bought into.

Jess Timmerman 8:27

Okay. what DIC just for

Deanna Phillip 8:29

is, dim. I don't know what it stands for, basically. he would get VA benefits too because it was hundred percent service connected.

Jess Timmerman 8:36

Correct.

Deanna Phillip 8:36

Instead of getting all three, so let's say it's a thousand dollars each, you would get 3000 a month. The SVP was taken out of your VA benefits so instead of getting 3000, I would get 2000. which didn't make any sense to me because they were different pots of money. Like we paid into that. Correct. correct.

Jess Timmerman 8:58

It'd be like having state funding for something versus federal funding. Right, right. we're talking about two different,

Deanna Phillip 9:03

two different pots of money.

Jess Timmerman 9:04

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 9:05

luckily, TAPS is another organization for widows out there. They fought about that and about eight, 10 years in, they won that Congress passed the law where that can no longer happen, but they staged it in. Over four years.

Jess Timmerman 9:21

Yeah. Nothing with politicians gets done immediately.

Deanna Phillip 9:24

and there's no back pay.

Jess Timmerman 9:25

Right. They don't say, oh, I'm sorry.

Deanna Phillip 9:28

Yeah. And I'm gonna be, I'll be really honest. we were officers, so we, I don't mean that in a, way, but we had a

Jess Timmerman 9:35

No, it's not derogatory. it had a

Deanna Phillip 9:37

different, we had income.

Jess Timmerman 9:38

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 9:38

And, we had college funds, we had investments in everything. was also, had bought a house. I was, during a downturn in the economy, we lost $50,000 on a house. when I say

Jess Timmerman 9:51

Mike passed in 2010, so did he get diagnosed in

Deanna Phillip 9:54

2008?

Jess Timmerman 9:55

Eight when the economic, Ugh. What

Deanna Phillip 9:58

a

Jess Timmerman 9:58

terrible whirlwind. Yeah. Okay.

Deanna Phillip 10:00

So when Mike passed away, I had $50 in our account. I, Elizabeth started sixth grade that year and it was the most, it, I'm grateful for the cancer journey because I think it makes me a person that understands things from a different perspective now.

Jess Timmerman 10:15

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 10:16

But she was starting sixth grade, hit a growth spurt and nothing fit her. And a friend offered to take her school shopping and I remember, and this always makes me cry 'cause I felt so bad. You're going to middle school, it's important. And, I gave her $20 bill in cash and I said, baby, you gotta get a pair of jeans. And I go, this is all that I have. Go get it. And that sweet friend picked up my daughter and she came back with so many clothes, she just bought. She had a pair of coach tennis shoes. I didn't even have a pair of coach tennis shoes.

Jess Timmerman 10:46

I wouldn't have bought that for her pre this.

Deanna Phillip 10:48

But that perspective helped me change how I give now. if I do an angel tree, I used to look for, oh, I wanna get them 10 shirts. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna get 'em one shirt, but I'm gonna get 'em, I don't know, Michael Kors or whatever, something,

Jess Timmerman 11:04

whatever. They're gonna be really excited to have,

Deanna Phillip 11:06

I was just so grateful. I was so grateful. And in the process, as we're going through that God had a way of, we're shorts some money, and a friend would send me a thousand dollars check. it shouldn't have been that way, like on record, but when you battle cancer, especially his kind where he can't eat or drink, or today this tastes good, this doesn't, let's try this alternative. When you're trying everything you can to extend life, which he lived 18, he fought amazingly hard. it's financial and we had benefits,

Jess Timmerman 11:38

man.

Deanna Phillip 11:39

Yeah.

Jess Timmerman 11:39

how long have you been a

Deanna Phillip 11:40

Texan? I wasn't born in Texas, but I moved here when I was three months old. I grew up here. then I, took a job outta college, with aphis, which is the Army and Air Force Exchange Service, and they run bxs and Pxs on military bases. So when I was 21 ish, I got in my car and drove out to California and took a job out there. and then I've lived in, California, Texas, back again, South Dakota, Florida and Arizona, and then back to Texas. but also, in my prior job, I worked with a pretty active student ministry. I've had the incredible joy of being over in 20 different countries, traveling and, seeing the world. it's my favorite way to do it because we lived with host families, so not a tourist, but get to know culture and people. if you look at my Facebook friends, they're all over the world.

Jess Timmerman 12:38

I love that because you're right, if you're a world traveler and you stayed in Marriott and you have an American continental breakfast every day, and maybe at a gift shop, you talk to a local, that's not the same as being engulfed in the culture,

Deanna Phillip 12:51

right? the best cup of coffee I've ever had was in Honduras. I was in Jesus de Otoro and it's really cool, and I hadn't known this before, but they took the coffee beans from the mountain and they had these cement slabs, so they would roast them there. And so they would just go pick up beans and grind the coffee, like right there. to this day, I dream of that coffee. So yeah, I've been lucky.

Jess Timmerman 13:12

okay, hold on. how nervous should I be for Spartan Leadership Program in Charlotte next week? I did text Jamie and Anita and we all agreed that we had the same emotions, nervous, overwhelmed.

Deanna Phillip 13:28

Okay. So this is my SLP book. I was just looking through it and let me find it. cause it's so good. It'll help you. okay, so this is from April 21st, 2023. So our opening week cohort four, right? Five. Hello? Five. Five. I'm sorry. The best one. We'll debate that later. I said, they wanted us to write the feelings overall about the program experience and cohort members getting real. I was scared that once I showed up and I was too outta shape that they would ask me to work on it, and come back next year. my fear was unrealistic and the sport has been incredible. Brian, one of the saying, let's run together. Cheering Rooster, who's another person? With, suggestions and everyone, best of all, this isn't one and done. There are more moments. I love the stories, the people, guys watch watching out for us. I am so full and can't wait to do this. I will say literally, I was probably 30 pounds heavier, two weeks before. I had never worked out. never. no, I'm sorry. Take that back. I worked out, I went to the gym and did the elliptical but not really worked out before. we got the email and it said, Hey, you're gonna do the manion wad. And I have a good friend Jordan who works out, and I'm what the heck is a wad? I didn't even know what that meant. And she goes, work outta the day. well, it says 400 run And I go, what does that mean? And she goes, well, you're gonna do seven rounds of 29 squats and 400 meter run. And I was uh, what? So

Jess Timmerman 15:08

I thought I signed up for a leadership initiative. What are

Deanna Phillip 15:11

we doing? Right? And that's what I thought. but here's, I worked out twice a day up to it. I survived. Not proud of it, but I survived. I was last. But the cohort was so great. I did the last lap and I was dying and everybody had finished.

Jess Timmerman 15:25

Who cares.

Deanna Phillip 15:25

And everybody came out and we all ran together to finish the group. They all surrounded me and ran as a group. And I had met them three hours before. that was the beginning of a forever family of crazy people from all over the United States. I would've never met who honestly would come running if I needed it. when we get tornado warnings, I'll get texts from cohort, Hey, you okay? Hey sis. Like, I get like sis or sister or friend and

Jess Timmerman 15:53

yeah.

Deanna Phillip 15:54

that's what I want you to focus on is be yourself and know that the bonds that you're gonna make, it's just, it's crazy. It shouldn't happen, right? You take survivors and veterans and you think we're so different, but at the end of the day, we share experiences and. You get to hear how they process. They get to hear how you process. 'cause you're really open and honest by the end of it.

Jess Timmerman 16:19

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 16:19

And it just really enlightens you and makes you a better, I think a better human being and a better person in the process.

Jess Timmerman 16:26

I could read the room when we got to Arizona for our survivor expedition and I knew they were over their heads with the project they signed up for versus what we were doing. And I was oh, we don't have to do any of this touchy feely classroom stuff. And now I do. So yeah,

Deanna Phillip 16:40

it But you also get to do the hard.

Jess Timmerman 16:43

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 16:43

I think one of the quotes is embrace the suck.

Jess Timmerman 16:46

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 16:47

But when you're embracing it together.

Jess Timmerman 16:49

that's another thing, you went into it, your cohort, you knew zero people, correct.

Deanna Phillip 16:54

Not a one.

Jess Timmerman 16:55

See, that's brave. I know Anita and Jamie right from our expedition and then Damien that lives here, we're friends.

Deanna Phillip 17:03

Yeah. No, I had actually never even, so I knew Robin from Taps, so we had done an excursion, I think in 2018 in Boston. Oh. And we got to go rowing, like we flew in and I met her that way doing a taps excursion. And we just became friends on Facebook. So, I was just working and I saw her post about a leadership. opportunity program. And I love leadership. I love learning about leadership and I always feel like one of my, what I consider my weakness is that, I'm not really good quick on my feet. I have to process and then come back. And that's not what I didn't think was a strong leader trait, right? So I applied 'cause I'm oh, I wanna work on my leadership. And I thought I was gonna come out with a Dale Carnegie leadership certificate and be good. what I didn't realize and what I'm so grateful for is that it became a defining moment of my story of my life. I didn't realize I still. Had a kind of a weight of grief that I had thought I'd dealt with everything. And, the process in particular Colorado just file fla me open and really broke down the final wall. And because that final wall was broken down, I gained the encouragement and, bravery to, step into leaders. I'd like to be the person supporting. but that's I tell everyone, I think I reclaimed who I used to be, but as we went through the process of, Mike's illness and death, and then the grief process, I think I just really,

Jess Timmerman 18:37

it probably even started before that.

Deanna Phillip 18:38

when Mike was on active duty, at nine 11, we're running up on 25th anniversary and, Mike, went to weapons school. Which is, like the Top Gun program, I tell everyone. So the minute the towers fell, actually the second plane went into the building. Our lives completely changed. And Mike deployed, Elizabeth was too. you just, you had to handle it he wasn't around. and then I threw myself. I actually was a leader. like I was officer Spouses club president of every place I won an award that tracks force. but, and at the time, our last assignment was in Florida with, socom and. At the time I was preparing for a career and what came next, but when you pick up your husband from the airport after being gone for long and within 24 hours he's diagnosed with stage four cancer and given two months to live, everything in your life just shatters, And walking through that process and it was tough. it was just tough. what I discovered going through SLP and what Colorado helped me realize is that I was too afraid to step into things because I was afraid to fail. And he asked me the question, he said, what's really holding you back? Failure or your fear. And I really processed that. And what I realized is I had a fear of being alone because I lost my husband. I have an only child, I don't necessarily like being alone. And that fear, was keeping me from stepping up and leading because if I don't do things people like, then they leave, And I had created a story in my brain, and once I realized I had done that, that to me was the light switch and that final wall that needed to come down. So

Jess Timmerman 20:30

Interesting.

Audio Only - All Participants 20:31

truly remarkable.

Jess Timmerman 20:33

Thank you.

Deanna Phillip 20:34

Sorry, let's just say that, September 11th, he was diagnosed in September, actually, labor Day, September 8th, 2008.

Jess Timmerman 20:44

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 20:44

but 2001, he was a WSO for the B ones. So before September 11th was a different career than after September.

Jess Timmerman 20:53

Sense. Okay.

Deanna Phillip 20:54

And so deploying, moving, we had two different moves. Our last move was he was at the Koc with SOUTHCOM. At Holbert Airfield. where did you guys meet? So we met out in California.

Jess Timmerman 21:07

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 21:07

this is like really very old school. I, when I graduated, it

Jess Timmerman 21:11

don't make people believe in romance against tell us.

Deanna Phillip 21:14

No. Well, for those that have been around, they'll understand. what I say, but, this was again before September 11th when the world changed. I graduated from school and took a job with aphis. So, I went out to Mather Air Force Base, which is now closed. Well, that was where, navigators trained and every Friday night they opened the base for what was called Jock Knight. Okay. so guys flew in with their planes and stuff and

Jess Timmerman 21:40

it sounds very like top gun, like

Deanna Phillip 21:42

Right. It is in, I have no military

Jess Timmerman 21:45

snow.

Deanna Phillip 21:46

I mean, my grandfather served and my uncle served, but not really military understanding until I took this job for the adventure of being anywhere in the world. So Interesting.

Jess Timmerman 21:55

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 21:56

And I took this job. We had Seven of us that were young, 20 somethings. And the people that worked at the base exchange were the bartenders. So if we were able to go over there, 'cause we had no money, we would get discounted drinks. But one of the young sales arrogant managers is what we were called, took me aside and said, I need you to be aware of just because their name says something on their patch that's not necessarily their name. And look for a tan line on their wing finger. Oh

Jess Timmerman 22:23

no, they're married, right?

Deanna Phillip 22:24

Oh, okay.

Jess Timmerman 22:25

These are codes of conduct. Do not fall in love with a married man and do not call them by

Audio Only - All Participants 22:30

the name on their thing.

Deanna Phillip 22:32

And I was like, what the heck is this? No. But, so Mike and I met at Jock Knight. His friend asked my friend to dance, and we sat with a pitch of beer and there you go.

Jess Timmerman 22:42

Aw, I love that.

Deanna Phillip 22:43

Yeah. So a year later we were married.

Jess Timmerman 22:45

Okay. And then you got sucked into this world and you had no idea what you were for.

Deanna Phillip 22:49

he was training and he got sent to DAAs Air Force Base in Abilene, Texas while I was still out in California. And it was at the time being a military spouse with the job APHIS wouldn't even transfer me once he proposed. Yeah. So, I tried to find a job up in Rapid City, South Dakota and I couldn't, so, decided to get a master's degree and, very grateful, now looking back on it, that was a great thing for me. but yeah. What

Jess Timmerman 23:15

is your master's in?

Deanna Phillip 23:16

I just have a master's in Business Administration, MBA. Okay,

Jess Timmerman 23:19

just an MBA, all that work. All that thing.

Deanna Phillip 23:22

from University of South Dakota.

Jess Timmerman 23:24

Interesting.

Deanna Phillip 23:25

I know

Jess Timmerman 23:26

that's a fun, your

Deanna Phillip 23:27

spouse.

Jess Timmerman 23:28

Okay, we're gonna go backwards. now in research they talk about military or veterans. Pre nine 11 and post nine 11. So for your husband, Mike, who saw both sides of that, how is he classified? they do all this research, post nine 11 veterans have this sort of mortality rate by, cause

Deanna Phillip 23:50

he's post nine 11. if we talk about everyday matters, I did some research, and, 92% of, all military have been exposed to toxins and chemicals since nine 11. So when he joined, which is interesting, he sat alert once, an alert was when the B one only had a nuclear mission. Okay. They only had nuclear bombs. The guys said alert once and then they switched over to a more, a conventional salt treaties, conventional roles. and in fact, ironically when we were in Rapid City, that Congress had talked about shutting the B ones down. And there was this whole big deployment where they had to prove the worthiness of the B one in global travel, which is funny now when you consider where the BB one is. but so yeah. But then a nine 11 happened and.

Jess Timmerman 24:41

Everything to do that play out. Was that fascinating? Because, there are so many, niche roles in the military, but you're my husband's a B one and now I'm hearing this debated by politicians on the Senate floor, Or was it surreal or were like, this is really important, these,

Deanna Phillip 24:56

it was a different military back then because we really, hadn't been any really big conflicts. I mean, Kosovo, that kind of thing. But, I don't mean to dismiss that at all.

Jess Timmerman 25:06

you're right, there are US military presence every day. this idea that we're not in there are people deployed in places. So

Deanna Phillip 25:17

yeah,

Jess Timmerman 25:18

that was a good catch to say that.

Deanna Phillip 25:19

Yeah. I think. the world changed that day. We're running up on the 25th anniversary, but the truth is everything changed. It's a defining moment for the world, like COVID was. And everyone

Jess Timmerman 25:30

remembers where they were. Everyone remembers the person they were before and what parts of them changed after.

Deanna Phillip 25:37

Yeah, and well in our, the way we lived changed, we used to walk up to the gate and go to take everyone to the airplane and, there wasn't security and you didn't really feel threatened by going to, a mall or, something like that. And, our world definitely changed that day.

Jess Timmerman 25:54

Definitely changed that day. Yeah. It's a weird thing to raise small children now because it's a very like ebb and flow of why do you guys have to take off your shoes to the airport? And at what age there are. They're like, Hey, this one time this bomber thought to, put. Liquids and now we don't carry liquids on plane. it's a very, it's hard to know what to expose them to and what to not. But,

Deanna Phillip 26:18

I remember, one of the things that I don't wanna say gets missed, but they took a civilian plane with civilians and kids and infants and flew it into a civilian target.

Jess Timmerman 26:34

right.

Deanna Phillip 26:34

the Pentagon, that is a military target and when you're talking warfare but that kind of changed the rules,

Jess Timmerman 26:41

Yes.

Deanna Phillip 26:41

For everybody, believe it or not. Yeah.

Jess Timmerman 26:43

I'm gonna go backwards. We are friends.

Deanna Phillip 26:45

Sorry.

Jess Timmerman 26:46

You alluded to it, you have a nine to five career and you run the North Dallas chapter of TMF. basically having two full-time jobs, what do you do to, for fun to alleviate the stress of trying to help all the people all the time?

Deanna Phillip 27:03

let's be honest. I am part of a team of people that I couldn't, this couldn't happen without the team of people. So I'm gonna flat out say it's not me.

Jess Timmerman 27:12

I love that you say that because quite often in every nonprofit that's out there, it's just because our job is to inspire the doers, So it's easy to say. Hey, Joe Smith runs this chapter. But really Joe Smith is one of 12. That all hold weight and

Deanna Phillip 27:29

Right.

Jess Timmerman 27:30

Okay. Because

Deanna Phillip 27:31

I started the chapter, I came off this Spartan leadership program and I wanted to bring it back to my area. So there was a season where it was three of us and then four of us.

Jess Timmerman 27:40

and it's a lot of work to get a chapter going. Correct?

Deanna Phillip 27:43

Probably if you thought about it harder than I did, and I just

Jess Timmerman 27:46

knew it was the next right step. just told

Deanna Phillip 27:48

friends and come on, y'all wanna do this? And we're yeah. And I'll never forget Jennifer going, yeah, let's do this. She goes, but we're gonna go slow and slow. And I'm absolutely. we started that way. We thought we did. But anyway, I forgot the original question.

Jess Timmerman 28:00

I also did. What do you do for fun to balance out all the helping work you do in the world?

Deanna Phillip 28:06

my fun thing is, I love to go to New York City and do weekend trips, so I'm pretty big Broadway fan, so I've seen a lot of them, but I like to travel on the weekends. And then, for my mental health, and I really mean this, I love CrossFit. I have a five 30 CrossFit class, and I wish it would make me a size two, but what it does give me is, mental release and makes me a better person to work with during the day. So when I don't, I notice it. So that's my reset in the morning.

Jess Timmerman 28:37

I have that same mindset with Orangetheory and I haven't been going that long, but I'm Man, I thought I would be wanting to walk around my house in my bikini, but that's not where I am. But all the nonsense in my head is way better when I do it. And I'd rather go there than pay for physical therapy for blowing out an injury.

Deanna Phillip 28:59

I didn't work out on Monday and I woke up and I went to work and I was like, I'm not as good as I can. I don't know, there's something about that reset. I'm sure there's some science behind it, but, a lot we

Jess Timmerman 29:09

don't need to know it. You just need to know. We need to, when you do it X times a week, you feel better.

Deanna Phillip 29:15

Exactly.

Jess Timmerman 29:15

okay. What's your favorite Broadway show currently or that you've seen, has something shocked

Deanna Phillip 29:21

you? oh my gosh. our last one, we went and saw Ragtime, which is actually at Lincoln Center. Okay. And there were four standing ovations, four. Four. And I've been to, I don't, I could show you my, I don't know how many Broadway shows I've been to, but I've only had one other standing ovation in the middle of a show, and it was just this show called Paradise Square that's closed. But, it's gonna clean up at the Tony's. it is worth every penny, every moment goes

Audio Only - All Participants 29:48

to.

Jess Timmerman 29:48

Do you think it's a once in a decade show or

Deanna Phillip 29:51

Well, it's a revival. Okay. It's a classic, but, the cat, they have, Joshua Henry, if you Google him singing, I've never, to hear his voice live is just awe inspiring. And then, the cast, the ensembles, it's Jewish culture, black culture, and, Then a kind of wealthy culture and that, how that mixes

Jess Timmerman 30:13

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 30:13

in the late 18 hundreds. it's just, it phenomenal. And it doesn't even have this magical backdrop or anything like that. it's really the acting and the singing. it's special.

Jess Timmerman 30:24

Which you're right. I think of Hamilton because my sixth grader loves the sound. Mm-hmm. I do. But it doesn't necessarily have this elaborate backdrop. it's very muted colors. Okay. we talked with the light stuff, how you keep yourself easy. Let's talk, go the other way.

Deanna Phillip 30:41

Okay.

Jess Timmerman 30:42

okay, so you brought up, it's interesting and, our work in Travis Manion has you. The more you get out with other survivors, the more you can see. We all have completely different journeys. Mm-hmm. And so I would say that you share a commonality. We have, a complicated appreciation of our military and veterans. I will do anything for anyone that's served right. But my, spidey sense goes up sometimes about policies and procedures, the way they handle cancer and Taps and Bonnie Carroll, you bring her up and she is this incredible trailblazer that changes things. Like I do think it's really messed up that, for instance, my sister-in-law, her and my nephew get survivor benefits, But this is something Congress is fighting about right now, but if she were to marry, she would lose that. And why does trying to forge a life after loss mean you negate losing a person to service? So, how do you battle your complicated, I don't know if I wanna ask that. How do you, I think I know that in your brain,

Deanna Phillip 31:47

so your

Jess Timmerman 31:47

love of military veterans and service, but also knowing that things could be better.

Deanna Phillip 31:53

So how I, this kind of happened early on, I had a very good friend whose, husband was at, a lake in California with their five-year-old. He went out to swim and got caught in the weeds and drowned. And she had four kids and they didn't have anything. and then she had to go back to work immediately full time. She had to, like, it just changed everything for them. And so when I would get upset about the thousands of dollars, I was you know what, I'm okay. I'm okay. I just learned to be grateful for what I had. And, again, I. I just know that no matter where you are, you can look left or right and realize that you sit in a, you're blessed. And so I chose to be grateful for what I had and

Jess Timmerman 32:45

Is gratitude one of your higher personality

Deanna Phillip 32:48

for you? Yeah, it really is. Okay. It really is just one of my top three

Jess Timmerman 32:51

I

Audio Only - All Participants 32:51

So grounding to you was investing in others

Jess Timmerman 32:54

but I think people that try their best have a Deanna voice in their head. I'm fine, I'm fine. It's good. Everyone else. it's so relatable because you put everyone else forward and it's insane to me that you disagreed to do this 'cause you don't think you have a story. You have so many stories. and they're all important. And I see how that can get people by to say, I'm okay. Somebody else has it worse. Or, I still have some in my tank, but

Deanna Phillip 33:25

when, so everyone's loss is different. Right. And I don't know what's better, what's wrong. Some people go I'd rather, not know. I'd rather whatever. But, with Mike, and I'd like to say that being able to love him to Jesus, basically to the final breath. The thing is at the end, you go to bed at night and you say, I love you. Then you get up. when I woke up in the morning, I would reach over to make sure he's still breathing, like he didn't know. And so I was okay, one more day.

Jess Timmerman 33:53

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 33:54

I'm grateful for today and I cannot, I'm gonna tear up a little bit, but it's really, really hard. and when you have days where you're fighting medical bills and your daughter's crying and you're doing things, okay, where's the gratitude? And I'm okay, today the sun is up. Today we're still together. Today we're laying in bed watching a cooking show. That's great. There's all, you can find something in the day. Even if it's just that I'm taking another breath, I'm

Jess Timmerman 34:19

grateful. Okay. So to someone like you, dealing with, somebody they love in the service with a scary diagnosis

Deanna Phillip 34:28

mm-hmm.

Jess Timmerman 34:28

what advice or what wisdom, because sometimes. humble people Like you and I, it's easy to default and be we don't know anything about anything. But experience is the best teacher. You lived that. what would you tell people?

Deanna Phillip 34:41

well, you have to be your own advocate. Meaning, you need to write down things. You need to know what you know when you go in. I found the most information from, nurses or people coming in to take care of Mike. Or I'd ask questions, I'd research, trust your gut, for sure. And, take it one day at a time. so many people worry about, oh my gosh, I've got three months. I'm, what am I? and then I'm okay, you've got today. Like you've got today and if you spend the time worrying about a test next week or the results or whatever you're missing today. Yeah. And especially when you're in a situation where you don't know the ending or you have a terminal diagnosis, don't miss today. 'cause you're only gonna get so many. do what you can. I got to a point where I only dealt medical on Mondays period. I didn't deal with you. I didn't do Bills medical Monday.

Jess Timmerman 35:32

I like it.

Deanna Phillip 35:32

I just, I'll sit down and deal with this, but I would only do so many hours and I don't care if the medical bills stacked up. I don't care because I'll deal with that later.

Jess Timmerman 35:42

I'm living life today.

Deanna Phillip 35:43

Right. And because I could sit there and have a conversation with Mike or I don't know, so that's, that was smart. My advice.

Jess Timmerman 35:51

That was really smart, Okay. okay. do you have any favorite resources, books, podcasts, things that you like?

Deanna Phillip 36:02

one of my favorite books is Everyday Matters.

Jess Timmerman 36:04

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 36:05

It's a really good book.

Jess Timmerman 36:07

do you remember who it's by? It's okay. Google is part of our

Deanna Phillip 36:10

life. It's an incredible story and I will tell you because, it's basically a kid from the womb that is born with knowing that the world is gonna end and the date the world is gonna end, and it goes through his life. At first, it's a little bit slow at first, but then it goes in and he goes through, why does it matter, what does it do? How can I, and it goes all the way up to when the world ends and it's, it just helps you. Again, understand the perspective of perspective we all have today. you may know you still have a life to live. Correct. So don't waste the day.

Jess Timmerman 36:46

Okay. That's beautiful. Hey, if someone is listening to us and lives near you, how can they help anything you're doing with your nine 11 heroes run in North Dallas, or, you do so many

Audio Only - All Participants 36:59

incredible

Jess Timmerman 37:00

things, don't you? Run the Army Navy tailgate. I will help you with that next year if you need people to.

Deanna Phillip 37:05

No, I do not run the Army Navy tailgate. I did

Jess Timmerman 37:08

I make that up? I might have.

Deanna Phillip 37:09

I volunteered that and this year they asked me when we were there to be the lead of the volunteers. gotcha. As a point contact, but not really. So I'm not gonna own that with TMF. That's friendly based. It's the best event. Go to TMF Army Navy tailgate. I'm telling you, whoever, doesn't matter who you are, buy ticket. It is. Off the,

Jess Timmerman 37:28

I'm sad. I lived in Baltimore forever and that's a staple, but next year it's in New York. I just have a different feeling about it Tell us about your nine 11 Heroes run.

Deanna Phillip 37:36

Okay. We're very excited that we are partnering with the Medal of Honor Museum in Arlington, Texas this year.

Jess Timmerman 37:42

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 37:42

we're celebrating the 25th anniversary. why, celebrating is not the right word. We're honoring the 25th anniversary. and, really super excited. I had a meeting, there's four of us on the committee. Again, I work really great and collaboration. I love working off people, their ideas and stuff. yeah, I'm just gonna say it's gonna be great because I can't really reveal some things. Works

Jess Timmerman 38:02

okay. I can't release things Okay.

Deanna Phillip 38:05

Yet. But,

Jess Timmerman 38:06

do you guys have a website I can link to this episode? Next Sunday if people wanna volunteer or give money or is it not ready yet?

Deanna Phillip 38:12

It's not ready. It won't be open until June 1st. Gotcha. but there is, you're right, there is a way to volunteer if there's some people that are just passionate and wanna be a part of our committee 'cause we're rolling now. we'll bring you on. We need social media, communications, media, there's all kinds of ways. Honestly, we grew last year to over a thousand runners and what we're shooting for 2,500 this year. Wow. I'll say this, I'm very super excited that, globe Life has stepped in as one of our partners, which for those in the DFW area, know that's Globe Life Stadium, Texas Rangers, all that. there's some fun stuff going.

Jess Timmerman 38:46

Okay.

Deanna Phillip 38:47

yeah. they can follow both the North Dallas, TMF chapter or the Fort Worth TMF chapter on Instagram or Facebook. Join our Facebook group and, they can see what we're doing. we're helping out one of our foster homes on the 18th here. we're building a fence that's breaking down, and we're working with TMC, the platoon here at, DFW Platoon. we've got a beautification project in Arlington. we've got back to school. CD i, there's a lot going on, if anybody's passionate about direct, about foster care and, our kids, direction six one three.org. there's golf tournaments, there's fundraising abilities. But also what I love is that if you have a passionate mentor or like we provide meals, we do a thrive where we teach life skills and dinner, and there's always big and small that you can get involved, whether it's financial or just through acts of service.

Jess Timmerman 39:38

You're right. And the first step to that is if any of these causes speak to a person to then evaluate your individual skillset. I'm good at this and that. And I think often we talk ourselves out of it, but that's a TMF thing, If not me, then who? But foster kids. You and I went on an expedition and I think of you as more of a rule follower than me. I just was so excited to be in a new place. And it was the first night we were in a ranch in Arizona and we were just

Audio Only - All Participants 40:04

exploring under the moonlight

Jess Timmerman 40:06

little did we know there were

Audio Only - All Participants 40:07

yards from dropoff and

Jess Timmerman 40:08

a hundred foot cliffs as

Audio Only - All Participants 40:10

our leaders are

Jess Timmerman 40:11

waving us off and they're

Audio Only - All Participants 40:12

scolding

Jess Timmerman 40:13

whatcha doing out here?

Deanna Phillip 40:14

we saw it the next morning in the light and we're oh, problem.

Jess Timmerman 40:17

Yes. but on our walks on that cattle ranch, the stat you told me, a, I do feel very impassioned.

Audio Only - All Participants 40:25

My oldest kid's soccer team had multiple foster families

Jess Timmerman 40:29

which I thought was a rarity. then what you told me about foster kids in the prison system, which really every day shocks me to the core.

Deanna Phillip 40:36

when I came on, the executive director told me in the state of Texas how they determine. prison cells numbers needed in the future is they look at the older foster kids in those aged out of f foster care, and they take a percentage of that to determine prison cells.

Jess Timmerman 40:54

Right? if we have 18, 16 to 18 year olds, 10% of that will turn into incarcerated individuals. That's highly disturbing. These kids just need love and support and somebody even to show up in a small role or, yeah, we're talking.

Deanna Phillip 41:09

Yeah. when you understand the trauma, of their stories, we've seen. Sex trafficking. We've seen drugs, we've seen kids living in abandoned places. And the worst phone call that I will never forget is, we got a call into the office, from a girl that had just spent the night in the park. She had no cell phone. She was calling from a shelter, but they didn't have room. And she had been kicked out of her house. And because she was under the age of 18, You have to push them to the CPS line, the one 800, because the police have to be involved. Right. They have to check everything out. And she was just crying on the phone. And, I was like, I need you to be brave. Her name was Madison. I said, I need you to be brave. I need you to call that number. We have space when the police come tell 'em we have space, but don't sleep in the, she had no cell phone. She's sleeping in the park with, I don't know what.

Jess Timmerman 42:04

Wow.

Deanna Phillip 42:04

And, I never heard from her again. And I think about her all the time. and that I get calls a lot.

Jess Timmerman 42:12

Yeah.

Deanna Phillip 42:12

And we just don't have the space. and kids are just, you just don't know you. I, you can't share things, but, yeah. Somebody.

Jess Timmerman 42:20

Okay. So if somehow a kid listens to us, old ladies talking on this podcast, who, what's the number they should call if they need help?

Deanna Phillip 42:28

I have to Google it. It's a CCPs for in the state of Texas. I believe that there's different, phones depending on the state you're in.

Jess Timmerman 42:35

That makes

Deanna Phillip 42:36

sense. Yeah. So I'm just looking it up. I can look

Jess Timmerman 42:38

it. Okay. if you need another job for free with no pay, you should, make a CODIS system of all the states one na Right. National database to, yeah.

Deanna Phillip 42:48

Well, every state has different rules and regulations.

Jess Timmerman 42:51

Totally. Even the 9, 8, 8 hotline has issues state by state. who your cell phone carrier is through, like living in Oklahoma, if you have a Maryland cell phone, you might get routed there.

Deanna Phillip 43:02

At the end of the day, if you're kid out there listening and you have no place to go, you're on the streets, you're in a car, whatever, there are resources and people that wanna help you. And it may be scary, but you have to call because the alternative is even scarier. so that's what I would say is just be brave. Take a step and be brave and trust the process, and

Jess Timmerman 43:22

know there's a better life for you after it's a

Deanna Phillip 43:24

better life. and there is, help and support and money. if you're a foster kid in Texas, you can go to college. There's paperwork, sorry. but

Jess Timmerman 43:34

there are adults out there that'll help you.

Deanna Phillip 43:35

There's adults out there, there's grants out there, there's money out there. There's ways that you can't be successful, and take a step, to independence and financial independence. but there's people that will guide you. And at the end of the day, if you can't find it, go to a church and tell 'em you need help. Just find a church.

Jess Timmerman 43:55

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Deanna, I think I only made you cry four times.

Deanna Phillip 43:59

I,

Jess Timmerman 44:00

or not even cry. it's a happy glow.

Deanna Phillip 44:03

I know. We didn't even get to talk about everyday matters.

Jess Timmerman 44:06

I know. Do you want to? That's okay. We'll have to do this another time. 'cause now you're a podcast veteran. Look at you.

Deanna Phillip 44:12

I don't know. I'm grateful for the opportunity to share my story, but I'm one of a million people out there walking around, so I guess, ask people their stories because you can find inspiration walking in your neighbor next door.

Jess Timmerman 44:25

Anywhere. Everywhere,

Deanna Phillip 44:26

anywhere, everywhere. Yeah,

Jess Timmerman 44:29

it's true. it was such an honor today to have you Deanna. I really can't think of a more perfect way to wrap up these 12 episodes. It just was such a pleasure. And thank you torch sparklers for listening.

Deanna Phillip 44:41

Yeah. Thank you for the opportunity.

Jess 44:42

It means the world to me that you clicked Sparking the Torch Pod. If you like what you heard, please leave me a five star review. If you've got a story you'd like to have highlighted, shoot me an email. Thanks again.